Grasping Darkness
by KiyaRaven
Summary: She dreams of darkness. Lust. Passion. The man she fantasizes about has it all, especially the darkness. The problem is, he's not really a man. Rated M for language & dark themes.
1. Halloween

**Chapter Notes**

**This story started life as a Halloween one-shot which won second place in the "In The Dark" competition, but for some reason, it proved surprisingly popular and I was persuaded to turn it into a fic.**

**This is the first thing I've written since my first fan-fic, The Screamers, and it's been really satisfying to create some new characters. I hope you like them.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight characters, SM does. I own a sick, perverted mind that my mother would be ashamed of.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Halloween**

**Bella**

"Oh, fuck, yes, Bells, I'm coming, baby! I'm coming, baby! I'M COMING, BAYBEEEE!"

_I heard you the first time, idiot. In fact I'm pretty sure old, deaf Mrs. Cope who lives three blocks away heard you. Now, stop pretending to try and find my g-spot and get the hell off me._

Jake grunted as he thrust into me one last time, holding his breath as he orgasmed, the most ridiculous expression on his face I'd ever seen.

I moaned half-heartedly and waited for him to pull out.

"Oh, man, Bells, that was incredible," he panted, pulling himself back onto his knees and removing the spent condom. "You felt that too, right? It wasn't just me? Man, we were on fire tonight."

"Yeah, babe," I said, barely disguising my boredom. "You were awesome. I came so hard."

He looked at me with what he probably thought was a sexy expression. I resisted rolling my eyes at him.

"I know," he said, low and husky. "I could feel you coming around me."

I bit my tongue to stop from laughing out loud.

_Sure you did, stud. Jesus, the power of positive thinking is really heightening your delusions of grandeur, isn't it?_

Jake Black and I had been dating for two years. We'd been having paint-by-numbers sex for pretty much the entire time after he practically begged me to go down on him at the end of our very first date. I'd obliged, not because he had begged me, but because I was mildly attracted to him and thought we could have some fun together. He was two years younger than me but he certainly didn't look it. He was tall, well-built and boyishly handsome, and as I discovered on our first date, he had a very nice cock - decent length, respectable girth, reasonably straight and on the whole, quite pretty.

What a shame he had no freaking clue what to do with it.

Jeez, that was bitchy. Sorry.

Let me try to explain.

Jake was a nice guy.

I know - what a heinous thing to say about someone, right? But I couldn't help the fact that it was true. He was kind, considerate, handsome, sensitive and thoroughly fucking boring. To me, anyway.

Now, I'm not saying I'm anything special because I'm just about as ordinary as you can get, but we're not talking about me at the moment. We're talking about Jake.

I don't know what I thought being Jake's girlfriend would be like, but what I didn't expect it to be was hard work. I mean, he was an attractive man. VERY attractive. Why the hell didn't my body respond to him how it logically should? It didn't make sense, and the more I tried to be turned on by him, the angrier I got that I wasn't, and somehow the bitch-switch in my brain got stuck in overdrive until I found a way to blame _him_ for my lack of attraction. Every fake groan that I uttered, every fake orgasm I performed, every lying, counterfeit emotion I manufactured so that I wouldn't have to face the reality that, as much as I _wanted_ it to be his fault, the truth was that it was mine. There was something wrong with me. I mean Jesus fucking Christ, he was gorgeous. If I couldn't get off having sex with someone like Jake, then I'm completely defective, right?

It wasn't that we had a lack of chemistry. He was very attracted to me and I knew very well how I affected his body. The trouble was MY lack of chemistry, because despite everything Jake had going for him, and there was a LOT, there was something about him and me together that, in my mind, just added up to 'bland'.

The trouble was that he didn't see it. He worshipped the ground I walked on and treated me like a Goddess come to earth. I think that's why we were still together and I was still going through the motions of unfulfilling sex – because if I broke up with him, he'd be gutted. He truly believed we were soul mates, and every time he said it, the thick knot of resentment in my gut coiled a little tighter, squeezing out darts of derision and sarcasm aimed at his every word and action.

I was an asshole to him because I didn't have the heart to leave him.

Still, the irony of the fact that I was probably doing more damage by staying wasn't lost on me, and I felt like a first-class bitch because of it. I should have had the courage to just bite the bullet and break his heart – quickly...humanely – and let him find someone who would truly appreciate everything he had to offer.

But I didn't.

"Bells?" he said softly as he crawled back into bed and wrapped me in his big, warm arms. "Wanna do something cool for Halloween?"

_If you ask me to go trick or treating with you, I'm going to rip off your pretty dick._

"Um... sure. Like what?"

He looked down at me. "It's going to be a surprise," he said mischievously.

_Oh, Jesus. YOU FUCKING IDIOT! We've been together for TWO YEARS and you don't know how much I HATE surprises by now? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?_

"Great," I sighed. "Can't wait."

I made a show of looking at the clock beside the bed. "Oh no. It's getting late. You'd better go before Charlie gets home."

In reality, Charlie loved Jake and probably would have been happy for me to marry him and start squeezing out tiny, russet-colored babies, but I often dropped hints that he kept a loaded shot-gun in the house just in case he found someone in my bed so Jake wouldn't feel the need to linger after sex and try to cuddle.

It was very effective.

Jake sprang off the bed and started pulling on his clothes.

I gawked in wonder at his body.

_Damn. He really is spectacular. Why the hell aren't I more attracted to him?_

He noticed me ogling him and smiled. "I see you checking me out. Like what you see?"

"Not enough, apparently," I mumbled.

"What was that, honey?"

"Ah... yeah, babe, of course I like what I see. You're hot."

He smiled the most beautiful smile an ungrateful cow like me could ask for and kissed me on the nose.

_Dude! Stop fucking kissing me on the nose! I HATE being kissed on the nose! I'm not a fucking Labrador. Kiss me ANYWHERE ELSE but my goddamn nose. PLEASE!_

"Bye, beautiful," he said lovingly and kissed my nose once more.

_Fuck you, nose-kisser._

"Bye, handsome," I replied so sweetly it'd rot your teeth.

He clomped down the stairs and when I heard the door shut behind him I finally let out a frustrated sigh.

_I'm a goddamn terrible person. I have a wonderful, loving, hot-assed man who would kill or die for me and all I can think about is how I want more. How I need more. _

_I suck. _

_Hard._

A familiar pall of guilt settled over me as I took a shower, and then pulled on my sleep shirt and shorts, restlessly preparing myself for another night of vicarious pleasure.

A shudder ran through me as I laid down, my skin tingling with anticipation as I waited for sleep and the dream lover who accompanied it.

Every night, for the past month, he'd come to me in my dreams – a beautiful, dark angel who played my body like a priceless Stradivarius, eliciting responses in slumber that I had NEVER experienced awake, especially not with Mr. My-idea-of-foreplay-is-turning-off-the-TV.

Each morning I'd wake up gasping - orgasming as the last remnants of sleep lifted - moaning and panting and squirming, inexplicably naked and wet with desire, reaching out for someone who didn't exist, remembering touches that never happened.

The whole phenomenon freaked me out and thrilled me far more than I cared to admit, and so every night I closed my eyes with a mixture of excitement and trepidation, waiting for the blackness to take me and for my dark angel to step out of my subconscious and claim me as his own.

_Jesus. I'm cheating on Jake with a figment of my imagination. _

_I'm so enormously fucked-up_

~:o0o:~

Billowing shadows bloomed behind my eyelids as I sank into a restless slumber. Even as random dream images wafted through my brain, I was searching for him, speeding through the dusky landscape, desperate to find his familiar, compelling silhouette.

The air around me sparked and crackled, and my breath hitched in my lungs as my body responded to the mere idea of him. It was like I was coated in prickling expectation, restless and impatient for his hands... his mouth.

I craved him like a drug, and every long moment without him made my nerves edgy and fitful.

Suddenly, I felt it. A rolling wave of desire enveloping me, dragging me into its depths, carrying me on a cool, soothing breeze.

He was here.

I could sense him long before I felt his ghostly caresses whisper across my body, every part of me desperate for the gentle hush of his skin on mine.

Cinnamon and sandalwood filled the air as my skin erupted under his cool fingers.

"Isabella?"

"Hmmm..."

He always called me Isabella.

I found it strange that my subconscious would make my dream man call me a name I usually hated. If Jake ever called me Isabella I'd throw a massive shit-fit, and yet hearing it in _his_ velvet-smooth voice made me want to never be called anything else.

"Tell me you want me, Isabella."

I felt a sigh of air graze my legs. I instinctively parted them

"Hmmm... yes... I want you..."

"Tell me that I'm the only one who can make you feel this way."

"Only you... please... touch me..."

My skin contracted and pebbled as cool fingers closed around my legs and pulled me to the end of the bed, gently pushing my knees apart as every part of me coiled in anticipation of what was about to happen.

_This is how it always happens. He opens me up to him, gently, reverently, and then, with a flurry of tiny movements and a hush of cool air, I'm suddenly naked - panting and breathless and waiting._

Stone fingers trailed over my legs, caressing my ankles, my calves, my thighs, whispering cold fire over my blazing skin, making me squirm and whimper, desperate to have him relieve the white-hot ache howling inside me.

"You're so warm, Isabella. Always. So soft and warm and perfect."

My back lifted off the bed as I felt his tongue and mouth lap and suckle my legs, trailing up to my thighs, the delicious torture causing me to shudder, my hands gripping my sheets desperately, needing more.

I heard a low chuckle.

"You're always so eager, so responsive, and yet, I've never heard these noises come out of you when your heaving oaf of a boyfriend is touching you. Why is that?"

His mouth was on my inner thigh, and his tongue was taunting me – circling in ever diminishing spirals – licking me everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

"Oh... God..."

He chuckled again.

"He can't do this to you, can he? He can't make your body sing like I can."

Finally, his mouth came down on exactly where I needed it most, his cool, strong tongue working me into a frenzy, filling me with the addictive pleasure only he could provide. His mouth enveloped me, sucking me hungrily, a low growl reverberating against me, making everything inside me clench and grasp for more.

"Oh... fuck... yes."

He hummed in satisfaction.

"My God, you taste so much better than you smell, and you smell absolutely incredible. I'll never get tired of how you feel on my tongue."

As if to demonstrate, his tongue lathed over me slowly, firmly and mind-blowingly frequently.

My muscles were aching with tension, each pass of his wet coolness adding to the coiling pressure, making me dizzy and incoherent. Nothing else mattered but the rush of ecstatic endorphins blasting through my body, teasing me with the promise of something more.

"Please," I whimpered, panting heavily with the frustration of unreleased pressure. "Please... more..."

His hands started stroking my legs again and I whimpered as his mouth disappeared from my overheated skin.

"Isabella," he groaned, "You have no idea what it does to me when you beg. Do it again."

I reached out and grasped the chilly hand that was trailing streaks of fire over my thigh. I heard him hiss softly as my desperate fingers gripped his and dragged them to where I needed his touch most, pushing them against me, urging him inside.

"I need you," I begged shamelessly, my voice strained and urgent. "Please... I need to feel you inside me..."

I heard him moan softly, and I gasped at the sensation of his fingers pushing deep inside me, a loud groan bursting out of me as he started thrusting his fingers slowly, curling them up to hit the spot that jolted thick bolts of pleasure straight through me as his cool breath washed over me.

"Yes, Isabella. Moan for me... tell me what I do to you. Describe your pleasure."

"Oh... God," I whimpered as his fingers moved faster, causing my muscles to grasp at him furiously, tightening and contracting around him in a frenzy. "Oh... yes... please... I'm so close... please... oh... God, yes!"

All my muscles started quivering as a white light bloomed inside my head. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the exquisite tension inside me reach a new high, my breathing loud and labored as his mouth came down on me again.

"OH, JESUS, YES!"

A strangled wail tore out of me as the excruciating pressure inside me exploded into devastating waves of pleasure. I gasped and writhed as he continued to pump into me, my muscles spasming and undulating around his long fingers.

"Yes, Isabella," he breathed in satisfaction. "That's it. Let the pleasure take you. You're so magnificent when you come – primal and radiant."

My hips lifted off the bed, bucking against him as ecstasy crashed through me, shattering me into a million gasping pieces, electrifying my muscles and liquefying my bones.

"I knew it would be like this with you," his voice shimmered in the darkness, "from the very first moment I caught your scent, I knew you had ruined me for anyone else."

I slumped heavily against the bed as the last of the tremors shuddered through my body.

"And I knew you would feel it too. I have no idea why but our bodies call to each other, Isabella, beckoning us to be together. It's inevitable - fated. But I can't have you in the daylight, so I'll settle for being with you in the darkness, grasping at you while you sleep, where I can touch you and taste you without you running from me."

I sighed as my thundering heart began to wane, the sweet drug of his touch still sparkling in my veins, lulling me to oblivion with its heavy pleasure. His voice reached out and caressed me with silken strands, weaving through my mind and soul, stitching me to him – the perfect man... the perfect lover.

"Sleep well, Isabella," his voice ordered softly, my body obeying him faithfully, knowing it could never deny him no matter how hard I tried.

My last few drops of conscious reason argued that I was quickly becoming obsessed with a man who didn't exist - a phantom – an enigmatic, dark shadow that I had created in the unfulfilled basement of my mind to make up for the lack of perfection in my life.

It didn't matter. He had shattered me and I couldn't be put back together by anyone but him.

"Thank you," I muttered lazily as unconsciousness blanketed me completely.

His silvery voice caressed me one last time.

"You're welcome, Isabella."

~:o0o:~

I thrashed in my bed as my heart thrummed with fear. Dark, feral images of ripping lust and crimson horror blasted through my brain. I groaned against the ferocious hunger that clawed at me from the inside, burning and consuming me, tearing away my reason and humanity.

I vaguely registered a cool smoothness sliding over my face as a shredding scream tore out of my throat. I sat up, gasping and terrified, clutching at the air around me for something to anchor me from losing myself in the gut-wrenching fear.

My eyes few open as my fingers closed around silky granite. The air froze in my lungs as I gazed into amber eyes inches from my own.

I heard a soft hiss and then the eyes were gone, as was the soothing stone in my hand. I looked around my room frantically, flicking the light on searching the shadows.

I was alone.

A light breeze rustled the curtains at my window and I looked at the empty space with disbelieving wonder. I walked to the window and peered outside, my eyes squinting as they struggled to navigate the surly blackness.

"Hello?" I called tentatively, my skin pebbling as the cold night air washed over my naked skin.

The night looked back at me impassively.

I laughed and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Good God, Bella, you are really losing your mind, aren't you?"

I padded back to the bed, picked up my discarded pajamas and started pulling them back on. How the hell I got them off every night was damn mystery. Sleep stripping?

As my head pushed through my t-shirt, I froze. I ripped it off and plunged my nose into its worn softness, inhaling desperately as I detected a familiar scent.

_Holy hell. It can't be._

I sniffed again just to be sure.

_Fuck me._

Cinnamon and sandlewood.

He was real.

~:o0o:~

I went through the next few days in a disbelieving haze. My brain screamed at me to stop being such an idiot and let go of the concept that the dark stranger who pleasured me beyond all reason was actually real, but the sharp, twisting knot of certainty that squirmed restlessly inside me knew otherwise.

He _was_ real.

He wasn't a dream, or a shadow, or a figment of my imagination. He was a solid, corporeal man and he had invaded my room and brought me unprecedented pleasure for over a month.

The thought of a complete stranger being in my house, uninvited and unknown, should have terrified me. The fact that he touched me in my sleep – intimately... sexually- should have repulsed me. The fact that he was obviously obsessed with me to the point of breaking and entering should have me telling my father and letting Charlie kick his perverted, Bella-molesting ass.

But all I felt was longing. Longing to find out more about him. Longing to see him in the light. Longing to touch him and bring him as much pleasure as he had brought to me.

"Bella?"

Jake's voice startled me.

I looked over at him, trying to conceal my unjustified annoyance.

"What?" I said too sharply.

He laughed at me.

"Jeez, Bells, what the hell is going on with you? You seem like you're a million miles away."

I exhaled heavily and shook my head.

"Shit, Jake. I'm sorry. I don't know where the hell my head is recently, and I shouldn't take it out on you."

He pulled me into his chest and tilted my chin up, kissing me softly and reverently. His warm mouth and soft lips moved across mine and I tried to answer his enthusiasm, but all I could think about was cool whispers and smooth stone.

He pulled back and looked down at me.

"So," he said excitedly, "I have a surprise for you."

I immediately tensed up.

"You know how I was talking about doing something cool for Halloween? Well, there's a club in Port Angeles that's throwing a big costume party this weekend, and I bought tickets for us. I also got us some kick-ass costumes – I'm going to be the big, bad wolf, and you're going to be Little Red Riding Hood. How cool is that?"

I stared at him.

"Jake, you're talking about dressing me up as a fairytale character and taking me to a nightclub where the music will probably be so freaking loud my ears will implode? No thanks."

I squirmed out of his arms and started clearing the dinner plates from the table.

"Aw, come on Bells," he pleaded, "All the guys from the rez are going, and I KNOW that most of your friends are going too. I even got us fake ID's so we can get in. It'll be fun."

Most of Jake's friends were his age, and as much as I liked them, I always felt like I was babysitting when I was around them. And my friends? I'd barely spent any time with Mike, Jessica and Angela since graduating Fork's High last year, and part of me was absolutely okay with that.

My restless boredom with everything not _him_ was irritating me, and as usual, Jake was going to bear the brunt of my dissatisfaction.

I dumped the plates I was holding heavily in the sink and turned to him.

"Jacob Black, you know I hate crowds, you know I hate loud music, you KNOW I fucking hate fairytales – now explain to me why the hell you thought this would be a good idea on any level?"

Jake's face turned unexpectedly hard and he stood up and strode over to me, his eyes flashing with anger.

"Because, Bella," he said in a rough voice I'd never heard before, "I wanted to take my girlfriend out and do something interesting and fun. I wanted to get us out of this goddamn house for once and go somewhere we've never been before. I KNOW you don't like crowds or dressing up or loud music, but guess what? I do. I've spent two fucking years doing things you want to do. How about you park your selfishness for five seconds and do something I want to do?"

I blushed as his words cut into me.

Jake had never spoken to me like that before. He'd always pandered to my wishes, subjugated his will to mine.

I flinched under the truth of his anger.

He was right. I was selfish. I treated him like crap and I knew it.

He glared at me and I could feel waves of anger rolling off him.

_Wow. I guess I really underestimated how much he wanted to go to this stupid costume party. He's really mad. _

"I'm sorry Jake," I said as I reached up and stroked his face, trying to take away his frustration. "You're right. I'm an ass."

As suddenly as his anger appeared, it dissipated. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, as if he was trying to clear a fog. When he opened them again they were clear and bright.

He pulled me into his arms and sighed heavily.

"Jesus, Bells, I'm sorry. That was... shit... that was out of line."

"No, it wasn't," I said, feeling guilty for making him uptight. "You're right. You deserve to do something that you want to do for once."

"But still," he said, "I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

_Jake, I make you feel bad on a daily basis. It was definitely your turn._

"I know," I said, running my hands along his muscled arms and trying to muster the faintest spark of enthusiasm for his idea, "But we should go to the party. It'll be fun. I'm sure I'll have a blast."

_Fuck, I'm a terrible liar. Why does he put up with me? Just leave me, Jake. Honestly. It would be so much easier for both of us._

"I love you, Bells," he said, cupping my face in his hands. "You're amazing."

_No, I'm not. I'm a bitch._

I hugged him so he wouldn't see the frustration on my face.

I guess he took that as a sign I wanted to fool around because he pressed me up against the counter and attacked my mouth, plunging his tongue in with wild abandon. I feigned a moan and grasped his broad shoulders, pulling him closer and willing my ridiculous body to respond to him the way it should.

He lifted me up and swung me around, placing my butt on the table. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he ground his hardening erection into me, trying to at least give him some pleasure as he groaned and kissed me even deeper.

I tried to match his enthusiasm, but all I could do was pretend. Pretend to want him the way he wanted me. Pretend to be the girlfriend he'd deluded himself into believing I was.

I mentally chastised myself for continuing this ridiculous charade as he started massaging my breasts with his giant hands, his hot mouth moving down to my throat.

"Oh, God, Jake," I mumbled half-heartedly, "you're really turning me on."

_Fuck you, Swan, you are a goddamn piece of garbage, you know that?_

I sighed as I looked vacantly out the kitchen window, barely registering Jake's moans and grunts of pleasure as he trailed his eager hands over my indifferent body.

Suddenly all of the air rushed out of my lungs as a pair of amber eyes sparkled outside the window in the darkness.

"Holy fuck!" I exclaimed loudly.

"Yeah, baby," Jake moaned, "tonight I'm only giving you the good stuff."

I shoved him off me and wrenched open the kitchen door, flying out into the night and searching the darkness. My head whipped around as the dancing shadows moved and swayed in the breeze.

"Hello?" I called uselessly.

The night air swirled around me, jolting my body as I inhaled its sharp coolness.

_You're wasting your time, idiot. You know very well that he's not going to answer you, even if he is out there._

"Hello?"

My voice sounded desperate and tight as it echoed off the shadowy, swaying trees.

"Bells?"

Jake came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulder. "What is it? Did you see something?"

I searched the darkness once more before sighing in frustration and turning back towards the house.

"I guess not."

_I wasn't imagining things. It was him._

"It must have just been my reflection in the window."

_... or a bedroom-invading mystery-man sex-god. _

My body ignited at the mere thought of him and my jeans were suddenly uncomfortably moist.

Jake closed the door behind us and grabbed me.

"Now," he said, trailing his hand down my chest, "Where were we?"

He rubbed his fingers against the crotch of my jeans and gasped. "Holy hell, Bells. You're completely soaked!"

_Yeah, genius. That's what happens when a woman gets turned on. What a pity my panties are usually conspicuously dry around you._

He started pressing his fingers against me, licking my ear and grinding his erection into me.

"Bells," he said breathlessly, trying to direct me towards the steps, "Let's go upstairs."

I rolled my eyes and pushed him off me. My normal impatience with him was heightened exponentially by the fact that the one person that I wanted to be with - the man who could satisfy me in ways I never thought possible - had been standing outside my house, watching us.

"Jake, can we not? I'm not feeling so well," I said, trying to look sick. It was surprisingly easy

He frowned at me with concern. "Babe, are you okay?"

I sighed and rubbed my temples.

"No, I think I'm getting a migraine."

I'd never gotten a migraine in my life, but if you asked Jake, he'd tell you I got them every damn week like clockwork. They were my handy little get-out-of-sex-free cards, and when I had a really bad fake-migraine I could get away without seeing Jake for days.

_Selfish cow._

"Oh. Okay," he said, rubbing my back soothingly. "Well, you should probably have a warm bath and go to bed. You know how badly they can affect you."

_Jake, you are the sweetest man on the planet. Why can't I love you?_

He kissed me on the forehead and walked to the door, adjusting the bulge in his pants as he opened it.

"Jake, I'm sorry," I said, apologizing for myself more than the situation, as usual.

His face lit up with a dazzling smile. "Don't worry about it," he said lightly. "I still have those pictures of you at the beach last summer. I'm sure I can put them to good use."

I hugged him tightly, suddenly overwhelmed with remorse for my inability to be the person he deserved me to be.

"I'll call you tomorrow?" I asked, kissing him on the cheek.

"Sure," he replied, waving as I closed the door behind him.

I leaned back against the hard wood and closed my eyes as I listened to his car pull away.

_I can't keep treating him like this. He deserves better._

_Halloween._

_I'll get through Halloween and then I'll end it - break his heart and give him space to heal._

_He doesn't need me in his life. He needs someone amazing who can appreciate him and love him for the person he is, and then, maybe in a few years, we can be friends again. I should have never agreed to be anything more. It was stupid and unfair._

I sighed as the sound of his car faded in the distance.

I felt dirty.

A warm bath sounded good, but there was something I had to do first.

I opened the door and walked outside, sniffing the air in the vain hope of inhaling a hint of cinnamon floating on the breeze. Instead it smelled of moss and dirt and green.

It didn't matter. He was out there. I was sure of it.

I could feel him.

I started walking forward, drawn by an invisible thread of energy that tugged at my chest.

I entered the forest, holding my hands out in front of me as I stumbled into the thick blackness, chasing a man who could very well be dangerous and disturbed, and yet unable to stop myself from seeking him out.

As I walked further away from my house, the percussive music of the woods enveloped me, my crunching footfalls echoing in disjointed rhythms. The bright spark on my skin and churning excitement in my gut told me I was headed in the right direction as I lurched forward with blind confidence.

I stumbled and fell, a sharp twig puncturing my palm as I cried out. The thick sting of fresh blood oozed out of my hand and I licked it gingerly, trying to soothe the quiet burn.

Suddenly, the night-noises stopped, and a dense silence settled around me.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I heard a low, animalistic growl echo in the stillness.

He was here.

I stopped and inhaled deeply.

I could smell him. The faintest hint of sweetness in the air.

Prickles of fear and anticipation stalked across my skin.

"I know you're there," I called in a tremulous voice.

The eerie silence answered me. No birdsong. No insect noises. Nothing.

"I know you're real. I saw you."

My own ragged breathing roared in my ears as I turned in a circle, scanning the shadows.

My fear was giving way to frustration.

Why the hell wasn't he answering me?

"You've got a hell of a nerve coming into my bedroom like that," I said into the darkness. "My father is the fucking Chief of Police in case you didn't know."

A low chuckle rumbled out of the blackness.

"As if he could stop me."

My head whipped around, trying to find out where he was.

"Who are you?"

I felt like I was talking to smoke, his voice suddenly wafting over to me from a completely different direction.

"You don't want to know," he replied, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"I do want to know," I said softly, "I've never wanted to know something so much in my life."

A light breeze ruffled my hair and I heard him inhale loudly.

"If you knew who I was, Isabella, you would run screaming back to your father and pray to God I never came near you again."

I jutted my jaw defiantly. "You obviously don't know me very well. I don't scare that easily."

"Oh, I know you, Isabella," he said confidently, "I know you better than you know yourself."

A shudder ran up my spine. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He sighed.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you?" he asked, his voice colliding with my body and setting it on fire, "How many years I've longed for you?"

I closed my eyes as his words caressed me.

"Tell me," I whispered, desperate to hear him talk. Desperate to know everything about him.

"I've been fantasizing about you for decades, Isabella, dreaming about you, certain that the very idea of you was a myth. That was before you moved here to live with your father, before I saw you for the first time... before I smelled you."

I swallowed hard. His words were hypnotizing and confusing me. There was something very wrong about what he was implying but all I could think about was knowing more.

"Where did you see me?"

"In the mountains. You were hiking with your idiot boyfriend." His voice was low, creeping towards me on the scent of pine-needles. "You came across a meadow and stopped for lunch. My meadow. The one place that calms me."

I remembered the day Jake and I found the meadow. From the moment we stepped into it I had felt a strange sense of familiarity, like I had lived a hundred lifetimes there. We'dd eaten lunch and I felt a strange energy simmering in my body. I'd had no idea what it was but it thrilled me so much that when Jake started kissing me, I hadn't pushed him away. We had frantic sex in the middle of the meadow, grunting and sweaty and fast. As usual with Jake, I didn't orgasm, but as the strange electricity crackled beneath my skin, I came closer than I ever had before.

"You were there?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"Watching?"

"Yes."

"Watching as Jake and I..."

"Yes, Isabella."

I tried to steady my breathing. I was completely unsuccessful.

"I watched as you rode your boyfriend with wild abandon... your hair untamed... your body glistening in the sun."

A blast of desire rocketed through me, making me dizzy with lust. _His_ lust.

"You were magnificent. You mesmerized me."

My held my breath as I listened to him talk about me, his voice dripping with reverence and desire.

"Isabella, I'd never been so aroused in all of my existence... and then your scent... dear God, your scent wafted over me, and it took all my strength not to rip you away from your unworthy man-child and claim you as mine. I stood there, trembling with overwhelming need, infuriated that my years cultivating supreme control over my base desires were suddenly and irrevocably shattered by a single human girl."

The word 'human' echoed disturbingly in the darkness.

"Eventually I couldn't endure it any more. I ran for miles until the uncontrollable lust you caused me abated."

Terrifying images bombarded my brain as he spoke, my mouth watered and my hands itched, eager for attention, for sensation, for release. I breathed through the flood of emotions, refocusing my attention on him.

"What were you doing there?"

"Hunting."

"It's wasn't hunting season."

He laughed sarcastically.

"Every season is hunting season for me, Isabella."

His words thrilled and confused me. I tensed my legs to keep myself upright as my heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest.

"Lord... that sound," he rasped. "That sound makes me want to do unspeakable things to you, Isabella. Do you realize that?"

My mind raced. "What sound?"

He paused, and when he spoke again his voice was heavy with need. "Your heartbeat."

My logic knew that there was no way he could hear my heartbeat, but my instincts told me otherwise.

"The way is sounds right now is exactly how it sounds when my hands are on your body - strong and pendulous and wet."

My heart pounded harder as his voice darkened. I was vaguely aware of the tingling ache in my damaged hand. I touched the wound with my fingers, pressing down on the congealing blood.

"You're hurt," he said, his voice closer now.

"I'm fine."

"You're bleeding."

Closer still.

"It's nothing."

He laughed derisively.

"Only someone who took their remarkable blood for granted would think nothing of it spilling uselessly out of them, Isabella. Just like the foolish boy who frittered away his life in a million different places until he woke one morning to find that what he had been so reluctant to protect had been savagely ripped from him."

I looked in the direction of his voice but saw nothing.

"I don't understand," I said to the swaying shadows.

"Good," he said firmly. "You shouldn't."

I swallowed as I prepared to ask the question I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to.

"How long have you been coming into my bedroom?"

Silence.

I whipped my head around, searching for any sign of him. There was none.

A whisper of breeze brushed my throat and I jumped when he spoke right next to my ear.

"Don't turn around," he ordered.

I clenched my jaw as I resisted the overwhelming urge to turn my head slightly and look at the face that housed the remarkable amber eyes I'd seen earlier tonight, but I knew without a doubt that if I did, he'd disappear.

"The first night I came to your window was the day I saw you in the meadow," he said softly, his cool breath invading my senses. "Your scent led me there – pungent and distinctive – chaining me to you like I was your slave, making me grateful for every sweet breath that tumbled out of your lungs as you slept... for every tiny moan and sigh as you dreamed."

I almost gasped, "But that was four months ago."

A single lustrous finger trailed up my arm. A rush of air burst into my lungs, loud and unexpected.

"Three months, twenty-seven days, and eight hours, actually."

His finger continued its meandering journey, filling every cell it touched with longing and desire.

"At first I was content to watch you - to sit outside your window and listen as you slumbered - but after a while, that wasn't enough. I needed to be closer – to be infused by you and surrounded by your intoxicating scent. The first night I crawled through your window, I was devastated by your smell. Every fiber of fabric, every piece of furniture, was saturated with your mouth-watering perfume. It was more powerful than anything I'd ever experienced. It pummeled me like a battering-ram, perfecting me and shredding me at the same time. Demolishing every notion I'd had about myself - disassembling the carefully constructed bricks and mortar of my pointless existence in a single pulverizing blow."

Another finger joined in his torturous trek, brushing the warm kindling of my skin with the smooth flint of his, raining licks of fire upon my desperate body.

"I knew then that you had doomed me. Without even knowing it, you had broken the cast-iron will I had been cultivating for innumerable years. My solitude was my armor, and in one fell swoop you'd ripped it from me."

His fingers reached my throat, coming to rest on the violent throbbing of my pulse.

"I hated you in that moment," he seethed. "I hated you for shackling me to the desires and needs I'd thought myself rid of. I hated you for re-awakening parts of myself I'd assumed were long dead, and most of all, I hated you for being completely oblivious to the hell you were subjecting me to while you lived your finite life with your mundane boyfriend."

His fingers brushed my hair away from my neck and I gasped as I felt his icy lips kiss my shoulder. His lips lingered for a few seconds and he inhaled sharply before he removed them.

"The nights when you deemed your barbarian worthy of invading your body were the most difficult. I had to sit there and watch as he bumbled his way around your incredible anatomy, completely ignorant as to how to please you. I felt your frustration with him. It rolled off you. It sickened me and made me want to rip his heart out and feast on it. But instead, I watched - flagellating myself with your resentment, letting it feed the growing collection of fantasies I allowed myself about you."

His hand snaked around my waist, laying flat on my stomach as he pulled me back into him.

_Oh, God. He was hard. Abnormally hard. Hard and long._

My body exploded with hunger, craving the delicious arousal that was pressing into my ass.

Unable to stop myself I pushed back into him, circling my hips, forcing a strangled groan to ripple out of him.

"Stop," he ordered, gripping me like a vice and stilling my movement. "Isabella, your scent is so strong... so gut-wrenchingly enticing, that you do _not_ want to be doing _anything_ at the moment that challenges my control."

He drew in a huge breath and exhaled slowly, loosening his hands slightly in the process. "You have no idea what a dangerous game you're playing here, Isabella. If you did, you wouldn't be so blasé about risking your life. Did you even consider the consequences of plunging into the woods alone this evening? Did you think for one second that the man who has been stalking you while you sleep may not be the type of person you should pursue... or be alone with... or rub up against?"

His nose ran across my jugular, making my skin flutter under the swirls of his cool air before moaning into my neck.

"Did you even consider the possibility that I'm a bad man, Isabella? That I've done vicious, heinous things in my life? That I've destroyed more lives that I can bear to recall? Did none of those things cross your mind before you stumbled into the darkness to find me?"

"You won't hurt me," I said breathlessly, trying to ignore the vicious burn that blazed everywhere his body contacted mine.

"You don't know that," he whispered. "You can't possibly comprehend how delicately your life hangs in the balance whenever you're near me. If you did, you wouldn't still be here."

His hand was cool and hard on my stomach, and I placed my hand over his, rubbing it gently. As soon as I made contact with his skin he tensed, a sharp intake of air hissing in my ear.

"I trust you," I said carefully, sensing that he was dangerous, but somehow certain I was safe. "You've been coming into my room for months. If you'd wanted to hurt me you could have – many times. You didn't."

His other hand trailed up my thigh, coming to rest on the moist warmth between my legs.

"That doesn't mean you're safe with me, Isabella, or that I should continue my utter stupidity in allowing myself to the luxury of seeing you. Every second you're with me is a struggle... every touch, a test. If I stop monitoring my urges, even for a second, this situation between us could end very badly."

I reached around and touched his thigh, my unexpected movement causing him to flinch. I ran my fingers upward, lightly fingering the solid hardness of his erection through the taut fabric of his pants. He hissed loudly.

"I don't believe that would ever happen," I whispered.

A sudden, feral growl ripped through the darkness, and all the air rushed out of my lungs as I found myself pressed up again the rough bark of a large tree, his body crushing against my back, his face snarling against my flushed cheek.

"What do I have to do to convince you that you shouldn't trust me, Isabella?" he growled, grinding me roughly from behind. "Do I have to describe to you how many people I've murdered, ripping their throats out and feasting on them as their last drops of life ebbed into my mouth? Should I tell you about how every time I'm near you, the perverted, blood-thirsty monster inside me wants to drink you dry and then fuck your lifeless corpse? How does that sound, Isabella? Would _that_be enough to convince you not to trust me?"

I gasped in pain as his erection pressed into my back.

"You have NO idea what I'm capable of, Isabella. NONE. I'm not some nice guy who's going to show up with flowers and chocolates. I'm not going to recite poetry or whisk you away on my white horse. I'm a killer, Isabella... a monster... an abomination, and I have NO right being as selfish as I am and putting you in danger, because when I'm near you, my brain overloads with images of the things I want to do to you, and the things I'm DESPERATE to have you do to me, and not all of them are pretty, and it would take SO little for me to have a moment of weakness and for you to end up dead. So stop being so fucking naïve and start thinking about ways to bar your bedroom window against me, because if you don't, I'm afraid one night I won't be satisfied to only taste your skin, and on that night, you and I will both lose EVERYTHING."

With a grunt his weight disappeared, the cool hardness of his body replaced by the damp, evening air. I spun around, desperate to bring him back to my body that screamed blue murder at his absence, but he was like smoke in the shadows, and I couldn't find him.

My skin ached and my insides squirmed. The bright beacon on my skin was extinguished.

He was gone.

~:o0o:~

The next few nights crawled by. He didn't come, and therefore, neither did I.

Each night I lay in bed, nervously biting my nails and staring at the vacant, open window, and every night I fell into a fitful slumber, uninterrupted by cold hands and hot passion.

The nightmares I had been having recently returned in full force, filling me with images of flashing white and thick crimson, plunging huge shafts of guilt and self-loathing into me.

I knew the dreams were from him, that somehow the strange visceral empathy that seemed to connect us was responsible for the chilling visions. I knew they spoke of his past and his mind, and deep down I knew what he was, but my logical mind trapped the words behind my teeth and forbid me to say it.

I felt like a goddamn crazy person.

Here I was, sexually frustrated and desperate for him... a man - and I used that term loosely - who could kill me in a heartbeat. A man who hungered for me in a way that sent shivers up my spine... and yet, I craved him completely – body, mind, heart and soul – and it scared the living shit out of me. It was like the restless boredom that had been festering inside me my whole life was borne out of the absence of _him_. My constant vague yearning for something more was immediately satiated by _him_, and only him. The reason Jake and I didn't make sense when we absolutely should have was because Jake wasn't _him_.

By the time the night of the Halloween party came around, I was mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions. I tried so hard to be nice to Jake, considering I had planned this night to be our relationship swan-song, but my frustration and growing anger with the absence of the window-crawling fuck-monkey was boiling my blood from the inside.

So in typical Bitch-Bella style, when Jake arrived at my house with the costume he'd rented for me, my response was less than enthusiastic.

"Jake, you have got to be fucking kidding me."

He looked at the hanger he was holding in confusion. "What? You don't like it? I thought it looked sexy."

I snatched the hanger out of his hands and examined the low-cut blouse, the thigh-high fuck-me boots, the tiny red cape, and the belt that was trying to pass itself off as a skirt.

"Jake, I'm going to look like a goddamn hooker! Or at the very least like Paris Hilton."

Jake's face fell.

_Goddammit._

_Swan, just turn off your bitch-switch, PLEASE. Just for tonight. You're not mad at Jake. You're mad at the sweet-smelling asshole who thinks it's acceptable to get you addicted to his unbelievable oral and finger-fucking skills only to turn and run like a pussy when he thinks things might be a bit too difficult. _

_Bastard._

I sighed and took Jake's hand. "I'm sorry, Jake, I'm just uptight. The costume's fine, really."

He looked at me dubiously. "Bells, you don't have to wear it if you hate it that much."

I gave him my best pretend-smile. "I don't hate it, it's just...different, that's all. But we're going to look kick-ass when we're both dressed up."

Jake's costume consisted of a sharp grey suit that had a top hat in the shape of a wolf's muzzle. I could imagine that it would look really great on him.

"Come on," I said lightly as I smiled, "let's go get dressed."

He grinned at me sheepishly as he grabbed his costume, and bounded up the steps like an overly-enthusiastic puppy.

Once upstairs Jake and I stripped off and placed our costumes on the bed. I stood there in my bra and thong, struggling to comprehend the fuckery of the lace up corset when I felt it – a slow burn that traveled across my breasts, making my heart rate speed up and my nipples harden.

_Motherfucker._

He was out there, in the darkness, and he was watching me.

I walked over to the window and looked out into the silver-grey shadows. My breath became shallow and fast as I searched for his golden eyes, and even though I couldn't see them, I could feel them blazing over me as scorching trails of lust ran across my rapidly over-heating skin.

"I know you're out there," I whispered, absolutely certain that he could hear me. "I hope you like what you see."

I stared again, waiting to see if I got any response. Of course, I didn't.

The burning continued and the deep gaping ache inside me began to plead with me to seek him out so he could end the pain. Involuntarily, my hand grazed over my stomach, pressing lightly over my skin as I imagined my fingers to be his.

I nearly hit the roof when Jake touched my shoulder gently.

"Hey, Bells, are you okay?"

I spun around. Jake was naked except for his dark grey boxer briefs. His magnificent body flexed and glowed in the lamplight as he put his arms around me. My back lit up like a Christmas tree as I turned away from the window, and a rush of anger flew through me as I rubbed Jake's biceps with my hands.

"Hmmmm, that feels good, Bells," he murmured as his lips brushed across my neck.

I tried to ignore my flaming back as my hands traveled across Jake's body, determined to give my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend one last parting gift to make up for my complete failure to be a decent and loving girlfriend. I guess if I was being completely honest, I also wanted to torture lurker-boy and punish him for leaving me unfulfilled and completely frustrated for nearly a week.

_If he wants to play games, I'm all in, and I'm taking no prisoners._

"Oh, God, Jake," I breathed mock-sexily, glancing over to the the billowing curtains, "Your body is incredible."

_Can you hear this, window-crawler? Are you jealous? I fucking hope so._

Jake moaned softly and looked down at me as I stroked the planes of his chest and down his stomach. I could see that he was hard inside his boxers and I looked up at him, licking my lips in fake anticipation as I pulled the tight fabric down and released his erection.

"Oh, man... Bella, you are so freaking sexy."

_Jake, I'm going to show the asshole in the darkness exactly what he's missing out on, and luckily for you, that involves me blowing your tiny mind._

I pulled him away from the window slightly and sank to my knees, being very careful to allow stalker-boy a top-class view of what was going to be an award-winning blow-job.

Jake's head lolled back as I licked him all over, slipping my lips over him and sucking firmly.

"Fuck, yes, Bells... yes, baby... that's incredible."

I slipped more of him into my mouth, grazing my teeth slightly over the rubber-silk skin.

_Do you see this, finger-boy? Are you witnessing the mad skills you're missing out on?_

I took Jake's entire length into my throat and glanced at the window as I sucked down hard.

"Holy shit, Bella, YES!"

I continued moving my mouth over him, feigning enjoyment as I brought him pleasure.

An unexplained wave of fury slammed into me and I knew exactly where it was coming from.

_You don't like watching me with another man, do you golden-eyes? It drives you absolutely insane, doesn't it? Good._

Jake's hand wove through my hair and grabbed my head as I started moving faster. I could tell he was close. He started groaning like he was in pain.

"Oh... Jeez... Bella... God, yes, baby... I'm gonna come! I'm gonna come! I'M GONNA..."

Suddenly a mammoth crash rocked the house, followed by the persistent bleating of a car alarm. Jake grunted in frustration as I pulled away just before he came.

We both looked around frantically.

"What the hell was that noise?" he asked, shoving himself back into his boxers and yanking on his jeans. I grabbed my robe off the bed and wrapped it around me as we bounded down the stairs and out into the front yard.

Jake stopped short and made a pathetic whimpering sound as I reached him and followed his horrified gaze.

"What the FUCK?" he roared, his face a mass of confusion. I winced as I saw what he was seeing - his car, his pride and joy, his baby - completely flattened by the huge pine tree that usually stood proudly in my front yard. It looked like it had been yanked out of the ground and slammed viciously into the car's roof.

Jake groaned and looked like he was going to be sick.

"How the fuck did this even happen?" he cried, walking around his damaged baby and looking for all the world like a twelve year old kid who'd lost his favorite toy. "That tree was nowhere near my car! What the fuck is going on here?"

My head whipped around to the forest, my eyes narrowed with anger and disgust.

"You asshole," I said to the darkness.

"What?" Jake asked, hurt and confusion written all over his face. "Did you just call me an asshole?"

I walked over and hugged him.

"No, honey, I called the tree an asshole. I mean, really, what right did that damn tree have to smash your car? For God's sake, if the tree was so pathetically jealous that it needed to throw a tantrum like a two-year-old, then it should have smashed itself in the head, because it was obviously being an immature, covetous ass-hat."

Jake looked at me like he wanted to call the little men in the white coats to take me away.

"Bells, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about."

I grabbed his hand and dragged him inside.

"Don't worry about it, baby. Let's just get dressed and get the hell out of here. I suddenly think a night away from this place and its infuriating damn trees is just what I need.

~:o0o:~

Nearly an hour later Jake and I stepped through the doors to Port Angeles' hippest night club, as much of an oxymoron as that sounds.

Jake looked awesome in his costume – handsome and hot – and although I felt ass-twitchingly uncomfortable in my slutty Little Red Riding Whore outfit, by the looks I garnered from the male party-goers, I must have looked pretty hot too.

As we crossed the dance floor I noticed several women checking Jake out shamelessly. If I'd been a proper girlfriend I would have gotten irrationally jealous and scowled at them. As it was I felt an overwhelming need to yell at them, "Yes, ladies, he's tall, he's gorgeous, he has an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. One slightly damaged second-hand boyfriend. Snap him up quickly before someone else beats you to it!"

We immediately hooked up with a group of Jake's friends from La Push before hitting the bar for some hideous Halloween-themed cocktails.

The boys all made lewd remarks about my outfit but I was too pissed-off about the tree-incident to care.

I was on my third Zombie Brain-Licker when I felt a familiar burn prickle across my skin. I sucked in an involuntary gasp as my body exploded with lust and anger.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me!_

I looked around, desperately searching for him. Of course it would have been helpful if I'd had the first clue what he looked like, but I didn't. Instead I scanned the crowd of miscellaneous vampires and ghouls and ghosts, trying to control the massive crawling need that was engulfing me, dragging me to the point of frenzied desperation, making me crave a man I'd never even seen with obscene, debilitating desire.

_Christ, I am so screwed._

I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the steel cable that had attached itself to my chest, trying to drag me to where he was, trying to force our bodies together and calm the savage gnawing inside me. The pull he had over me annoyed me, and I stubbornly refused let it control me.

_Screw him. I'm here to have a good time and then break the heart of the man who loves me. He can go fuck himself for all I care._

I downed the rest of my drink and threw my arms around Jake.

"Are you having a good time, honey?" I slurred quietly.

He kissed me on the nose.

_Goddammit!_

"Yes, Bells," he smiled back. "I'm having an awesome time."

"That's... just... awesome," I said, a sloppy smile meandering across my face.

"Bells, I think you might have had enough to drink now."

I waved my hand at him.

"Pfft. I've only had three," I protested, "I'm just getting started!"

Suddenly the room started spinning and I stumbled heavily against Jake's chest.

"Whoa, Bells, are you okay?"

My skin was prickling and hot, crawling over my muscles and making them throb.

It was him.

He was doing this to me.

I had to get out, get away from him and his magnetic presence.

"I'm fine," I slurred, steadying myself and putting my drink down on the table, "I think I just need some air."

"You want me to come with you?"

I shook my head, the lusty haze clearing some of my inebriation. "No... no. I'll be right back."

I lurched forward, pushing through the mass of bodies standing between me and the front door. My heart was pounding in my chest, and the air in the room suddenly felt thick and viscous, rasping through my lungs like molasses. I swiveled and turned, making slow progress as party-goers rocked and undulated around me, hands and lips and bodies moving in a kaleidoscope of music and lust.

I gasped as a strong arm snaked around my waist, pulling me back against clothed stone, cool air trickling down my neck.

"What the hell are you wearing, Isabella?" he seethed darkly. "Do you have any idea what that outfit is doing to the men in this room, including me?"

I struggled against his iron grip.

"But you're not exactly a man now, are you?" I hissed back.

The breath on my neck stopped.

"So you finally understand?"

I huffed in frustration.

"I understand that you haven't been to see me in days, and I understand that for some ridiculous reason I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin whenever you're not around, and I understand you're a giant asshole for doing what you did to Jake's car tonight. That was completely uncalled for."

"You had your mouth around another man's cock," he said, his hands starting to move over my body as he forced us to gently sway to the beat of the pounding music. "I'd say it was very called for."

"Why do you care whose cock my mouth is around? You have no claim on me. I don't even know your goddamn name!"

"I do have a claim on you, Isabella," he said, lifting my hands up and placing them at the back of his head.

My hands gripped soft hair, grasping at it fiercely as his fingers grazed down my arms and ribcage, stealing my breath, but not my outrage.

"You're mine," he said softly. "You've always been mine. From the moment you were born you've been mine. You're lucky I only broke your boyfriend's car tonight. I wanted to break so much more."

I tugged hard on my hair-filled fingers, smiling in satisfaction as his head fell back and he groaned thickly.

"It was my idea to suck Jake's dick tonight, not his. I wanted to make you jealous, and obviously, it worked. If you were going to damage anyone's car, it should have been mine."

"I've seen your truck, Isabella," he murmured, his voice wrapping me in a sexual thrall every bit as firmly as his arms wrapped around my body. "It's a piece of garbage. Do you honestly believe that by smashing it with a tree I could diminish its value any further?"

I flushed with anger.

"Did you just fucking insult my truck?" He chuckled into my ear and my blood blasted through my veins. "Who the FUCK do you think you are?"

"Edward," he said, the low rumble of tortured restraint coloring his voice as he buried his nose in my neck, his cool tongue lapping at the thundering pulse just below the surface.

"What?" I panted, pulling on his hair again, barely able to form a coherent thought as his tongue continued to unstitch my sanity, piece by excruciating piece.

"Edward is who the fuck I think I am."

His strong arms encased me, pulling me against him, molding my body to his – hard and soft, warm and cool, grasping darkness and hungry light.

My head dropped back onto his shoulder and I groaned.

"That's such an ordinary name for such a gargantuan prick," I sighed.

He ground his erection into me and I felt a low growl rumble through his chest and into my back, making my body scream with frustration and desire and absolute wanton need.

"Actually my gargantuan prick has a different name. Remind me to introduce you two later."

_Oh, Jesus. _

This man was making me feel things I never had before. His touch was like white ice and black magic, transforming my body into a mess of raging, ravenous need.

His hands traveled up to my breasts, cupping them roughly as his fingers squeezed my nipples.

"I need to see your face," I ordered breathlessly.

"No."

"Yes."

"Isabella, I'm not a dog you can order around like you do your boyfriend. I will not be dictated to."

His mouth came down on my neck and a prickle of fear shot through me, arousing me even further if that's freaking possible.

"Then walk away," I challenged, trying to keep my voice even as I attempted to pull his hands away from my body. "I'm not going to let someone whose face I haven't even seen continue to touch me like this."

He tightened his grip around me as I bucked and squirmed.

"You had no complaints when you thought I wasn't real."

"Yeah, well now I know you are real, so stop being such a goddamn coward and show me your face!"

He squeezed me tightly, pushing the air out of my lungs and causing me to go limp against him.

"Why is it so damn important to you?" he seethed.

"Because I want to know who you are," I countered, gasping as he loosened his arms and let me breathe. "You come into my life like a phantom, making me feel things I didn't know existed, filling me with desires I didn't know I had, and generally mind-fucking me so much that all I can think about is you and your body and the way you make we want an impossible forever. " He gasped in my ear and his arms tightened again. "You say that I'm yours?" I wheezed feebly. "Prove it. Show me the face of the man I supposedly belong to."

His hands stilled, loosening but not letting me go.

A low rumble of desire echoed in his chest as his nose traced my jugular.

"Isabella," he moaned, his voice sounding like pleasure and pain and damnation and salvation, "You smell so good when you get angry."

"Oh yeah?" I challenged, "Then I must smell fan-fucking-tastic at the moment because you're really pissing me off!"

My head flew back as his tongue swept across my throat, charting a trail from my collar-bone to my ear.

"You want to see my face?" he moaned. "The face of the man whose primary desire is to devour you and taste your blood? The man who constantly fantasizes about killing you... or fucking you... or fucking you and then killing you? You're so desperate to see that face, Isabella?"

"Yes," I pleaded, "Please..."

Suddenly he spun me around and I was confronted with his blazing amber eyes.

"Here's my face, Isabella," he snarled. "The face of a murderer. Does it please you?"

My breath stopped. My heart constricted painfully. Every molecule in my body exploded in a nuclear cloud of astonishment, and perfection, and mine.

He was beautiful. Heart stoppingly beautiful. Magnificent and masculine and flawless. My eyes raked his unbearable perfection, my heart thudding violently as my panting breaths rasped through my shallow lungs.

"Yes, your face pleases me," I breathed, grabbing his head and pulling it down, finally covering his lips with my own, thrilling unbelievably when he kissed me back, hungrily, his hands and lips and tongue frantically searching for me, finding me, and making me his. His hands framed my face as he groaned and thrust his cool, delicious tongue into my mouth, claiming and owning me.

"You belong to me, Isabella," he panted, "always. No other man will ever touch you again."

I launched myself at his neck, sucking his smooth skin, getting drunk on his smell and taste, becoming feral with the raw, undiluted passion he drew out of me.

"I'm yours," I moaned. "I've never been anyone else's."

Suddenly I felt cool air on my ass as he ripped off my panties. Embarrassment and desire flooded my body in equal measure as I felt his hand push between my legs, gently pressing his cold fingers against my moist, blazing flesh.

"This," he said roughly, "is mine too, and I intend to claim it."

His hand started moving, rubbing and teasing me as I squirmed and stepped my legs further apart.

"We can't do this. We're in the middle of a dance floor," I moaned as he stroked me with sure fingers.

"Of course we can," he countered in a low desperate voice. "Now, unzip my pants, Isabella, and feel exactly how much you affect me."

My hands fumbled at his zipper as he continued to drive me insane. I shoved the annoying fabric of his pants aside as I wrapped my hand around his inhumanly hard length.

"Oh, God... yes, Isabella. Do you feel that? That's yours. Only yours."

I stroked him roughly, panting and desperate as he closed his beautiful eyes in pleasure.

I was vaguely aware of the crowd pulsating around us, and I didn't want to be. I wanted him, alone, inside me, filling the hungry ache that was violently demanding to be sated.

He must have felt the same way because before I could register what was happening, we were barreling through the crowd, me clinging to his hard, chiseled body as we moved quickly behind the vacant stage. It was dark and deserted, and faster than humanly possible he pressed me up against a dusty wall.

"Isabella, I need to have you," he growled, "but this could be very dangerous for you."

"I don't care," I panted grasping his erection again and gripping it fiercely. "I need you. I need you as much as air, or blood. I need you inside me, please."

He clenched his jaw in concentration as he wrapped my legs around him and positioned himself, holding me above him, shuddering with the effort of not taking me.

I didn't want him to deny himself. I wanted the look of pained restraint to leave his beautiful face. I wanted to feel every inch of his hard, magnificent body joined with mine.

I couldn't bear to be apart from him any longer.

"Now, Edward," I whimpered. "Please."

His gaze locked on mine, a look of absolute desperation and fear settling on his face.

"I know I shouldn't," he rasped as he looked into my eyes, "but God forgive me... I can't help myself."

His eyes blazed into mine as he inched into me, slowly.

_Oh, God._

My body stretched and sighed around him, the gasping ache gradually filled by his cool hardness.

"Isabella," he groaned as he pushed in further. "Ohhhhh, God... so warm... so very warm."

He squeezed his eyes shut as he finally sheathed himself in me.

"Am I hurting you?" he whispered as he started moving slowly, his golden eyes burning with restrained desperation.

"Uh... no. You feel incredible."

He moved slowly, cautiously, touching me as though I was fine crystal. I gripped his hair roughly and pulled, desperately trying to release the passion I knew he was holding back.

"Edward," I rasped as his eyes found mine, "you know how to please me. You've been doing it for months. Stop being so damn careful. I'm not as fragile as you think."

"You don't understand," he groaned, "I could break you. Kill you. I would be so easy."

I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me.

"You won't. Please. I need more."

The fear didn't leave his eyes completely but it was joined by primal need, and he snarled and ripped my blouse open, clamping his eager mouth over my nipple as his thrusts became more confident.

"Isabella... I can smell you, and taste you, and feel you. I've never experienced anything like it."

I gripped his wide shoulders and forced myself down onto him, crying out as we moved against each other. I gasped as I felt the inevitable tightening inside me, bright blooms of light bursting behind my eyes. My muscles gripped him as he slid in and out, aching each time he retreated and rejoicing each time he thrust himself home.

A low, animalistic growl ripped from his chest as he plunged into me, again and again, grunting and panting as desperately as I was.

"Isabella... yes... Isabella," he chanted with each thrust, owning my body more and more with every passing second. "God, I never knew... I never knew I could feel like this."

Sparks started flickering inside me as my orgasm started its final ascent, fiery blossoms of sensation coiling ever tighter, grasping at him as my muscles expanded and contracted in mind-blowing pleasure.

"Tell me, Isabella," he ordered, breathing hard and looking intensely into my eyes. "Tell me you're mine."

"I'm yours," I moaned.

His eyes blazed as I tightened around him. "Again."

"I'm yours."

I closed my eyes as I felt myself start to unravel.

"Look at me," he ordered.

My eyes found his as the unbearable tightness exploded in excruciating release.

"Again!"

"GOD, EDWARD, I'M YOURS!" I screamed as I came apart around him, clenching and spasming, surrendering to wave after wave of crashing pleasure, knowing that I would never experience this with any other man for the rest of my life and absolutely content with that knowledge.

I heard a feral moan and watched in rapt fascination as his face crumbled with ecstasy.

"Oh... God, ISABELLA! YES!"

He bellowed my name as he thrust one final time, his face a masterpiece of euphoria and satisfaction, his cock burying itself inside me as he shuddered and groaned through his orgasm.

We clung to each other desperately; panting and perfect and bone-meltingly satisfied.

His mouth found mine and he kissed me deeply, claiming my mouth as he'd just claimed my body, ruining it for any other man.

He leaned his forehead on mine, rubbing gently.

I ran my fingers through his hair, tracing them down, across his spectacular jaw and over his perfect lips.

"You're breaking up with your boyfriend tonight, aren't you, Isabella?" he demanded quietly.

"Yes."

"You're going to let me do this to you every day for the rest of your existence, aren't you, Isabella?"

"Yes."

"You're going to let me buy you a new car to replace that piece of shit death-trap you're currently driving around, aren't you, Isabella?"

I grasped his hair and pulled his head back roughly.

"Don't push your luck, vamp-boy."

He groaned as I watched his eyes darken and smolder.

"You are in so much trouble now, woman," he growled, circling his hips slowly as I felt him harden inside me.

_Oh, dear Lord._

"Again?" I whimpered as my body rejoiced around him.

"Again," he grunted, grabbing my ass and making me moan. "Happy Halloween, Isabella."

He rocked me above him, each deep thrust filling me with joy, and completion, and future.

"Oh, God, Edward...yes."

I threw my head back as his hungry mouth devoured my throat.

_Oh, Jesus._

Happy Halloween, indeed.

...

...

...

* * *

**Author Notes**

***ahem***

**Um...well...I hope you found that...um...satisfying.**

**A very Happy Halloween to all my incredible readers. I truly heart you all so hard it hurts.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on this new fic, so if you get a chance, please hit the review button and let me know what you think.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	2. Desperate & Damned

**Chapter Notes**

**This chapter came about because of two amazing girls who put their money where there mouth was and bought more WindowWard through The Fandom Gives Back auction – the incredible JustJasmine who plonked down an unbelievable $250 of her hard-earned cash, and the lovely AltheaJ who donated $100 to the cause.**

**I can't thank you ladies enough, and I know that everyone else who is a fan of Grasping Darkness thanks you too.**

**To my Beta-Goddess, Irritable Grizzzly – You are the best beta I could ever hope for, and I'm also incredibly lucky that you're a magnificent friend. Thank you.**

**Huge thanks to my Twilighted Beta, Tima83.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns all things Twilight. I own WindowWard and his emo-tasticness.**

**NOTE: This chapter takes place prior to the first chapter.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 2 - Desperate and Damned**

**EPOV**

Thick pulses of warm crimson drained into my mouth as the bloom of fresh blood eased the harsh edges of my hunger.

I swallowed it down, ignoring the slightly bitter taste as it nourished my cold body. The fierce burning ache in my throat eased...slightly, but it didn't disappear. It never truly disappeared. Not since I had made a choice to forgo the one thing that completely took away the pain.

It had been nearly twenty years since I made that decision, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think about the sweet ecstasy of human blood every single day. I chose not to kill anymore because I couldn't cope with the guilt of the lives I had destroyed; because I wanted to be more than what I truly was; because I wanted to stop disappointing my family. However, the constant burning ache reminded me that I was living a lie - that no matter how much I wanted to be satisfied with the moral path I had chosen to lead, I wasn't.

I accepted it. I was dedicated to it, but I wasn't satisfied by it.

I spent my endless days desperately trying to find satisfaction in things not related to death and destruction – music, art, language, science – but nothing eased the empty monotony of my tedious immortality. Although I was able to be distracted from my daily discomfort, it was always there, simmering within me, whispering dark promises, trying to convince me to stop struggling against the inevitable.

I was tired of it.

My family didn't understand. None of them struggled as I did, not even Jasper. They had all found mates to make their forevers worthwhile.

I had no-one.

For too many years I lived alone with blood-red eyes, trying to convince myself and my family that my endless life was given purpose by my crusade to rid the world of monsters only slightly less hideous that myself – the murderers and pedophiles, the serial killers and rapists – but part of me knew I was using my quest for 'justice' to justify giving in to my vampiric nature. For being weak.

On some level, it had nothing to do with justice and everything to do with blood.

Would I have cared so passionately about removing the scum of the earth if I wasn't rewarded with the antidote to the tearing hunger that clawed my insides? Would I have pursued the evil-doers so doggedly if I didn't get to rip their throats out when I caught them, closing my eyes and groaning in ecstasy as their sweet blood pulsed waves of pure pleasure through my dry veins?

Of course not.

I was playing God so that I could feed my endless bloodlust. I was passing out death sentences without ever giving my victims the benefit of a trial. I was stealing people's futures – robbing families of their husbands, fathers, brothers, sons - to make my existence echo with some semblance of purpose.

I wasn't righteous. I was pathetic.

The day I realized that was the day I swore off human blood forever.

It was the day I finally returned home to my family, suddenly aimless – lost in a sea of endless days with no purpose behind them. I simply grit my teeth, pushing down the dark voices inside me, fighting them off day after day until I eventually managed to gag them completely with decades of practiced denial - numbing the desperate ache inside me with sheer force of will.

That's how I've spent my days since returning – playing the role of loving brother and dedicated son while I drowned in my own self-loathing.

My family was sympathetic. Sickeningly so. Their minds screamed their pity at me, and the prideful, guilty creature inside me couldn't handle it. I despised their pity. I hated my weakness for causing it.

I loathed the gut-wrenching guilt and roaring hunger that tugged me in opposite directions – stretching my reason and sanity until I no longer knew which path I was on and why.

That's when I knew I had to get out. I didn't want to, but I had to. I couldn't bear for them to see how much I resented their happiness, how tortured I was by their simple shows of affection, how jealous I was of their endless, easy restraint.

Esme had just finished re-decorating a house she and Carlisle owned in Forks before returning to our home in Alaska, and when Alice saw that I was leaving, Esme offered it to me.

I took it gratefully, looking forward to blessed solitude so no-one had to witness my self-flagellating shame.

So here I was, draining the fourth stag I had come across today, my eyes closed against the wrongness of the taste sluicing into my throat and my mind desperately trying to ignore the futility of my quest for satisfaction.

As the last wet pulse of animal blood filled my mouth, I flung the empty carcass away from me violently, unable to find even the smallest amount of grace to be relieved that the body was covered in thick fur and not smooth skin.

I was damned. I was damned and fucking angry about it.

Whoever thought the life of a vampire was sexy and glamorous had been reading too many cheap romance novels.

My life was hell.

I exhaled uselessly as I brushed off the dirt of my hunt, the dull throb of inferior blood pulsing through my muscles.

I was done hunting for the day. The animal blood would sustain me for several days if I held my resolve, and I briefly considered heading into town. I had nearly exhausted all the books that Esme had shipped to the house, and I knew my threshold for boredom was embarrassingly low. I checked the sky.

_Dammit._

The bright sunlight beaming through the trees quickly destroyed my tentative plans. I resigned myself to heading back to the house and waiting for the cloud cover to return.

A sharp, unexpected pang of loneliness twisted inside me.

Subconsciously, I had been looking forward to being among the humans, even for a short while. Observing their petty interactions was quickly becoming one of my favorite past-times. Listening to their simple minds find dissatisfaction with the boundless gifts they were blessed with filled me with sick fascination.

How could they not understand how lucky they were?

They didn't realize how much I coveted their easy, finite lives. How I envied their fickle minds and pleasures. They constantly bemoaned the fullness of their busy days, damning their apparent lack of time. I, on the other hand, had endless time, and absolutely nothing to fill it with.

What's the point of living forever if you had nothing to live for?

I pushed the loneliness aside. It was easily done. After so many years of managing to feel alone even in the presence of people who loved me, I was a master of solitude.

I headed back towards the house and started to run, the cool breeze hushing across my skin as I raced through the woods, my muscles humming with the warmth of fresh blood. I ducked and weaved through the trees easily as I automatically scoured the sounds and smells around me for more prey, my natural instinct to hunt igniting my senses even though I had drunk my fill.

My path was altered suddenly as a pungent scent slammed into me, dragging me towards it like I had been harpooned through the chest.

_Jesus Christ, what is that smell?_

It was delicious beyond words, beyond comprehension. I had never experienced anything like it in all my years, and my entire body was engulfed in a wave of mind-altering compulsion.

I opened my mouth, tasting the air around me as my bloodlust roared to life inside me, desperate for the taste that accompanied the incredible scent. A battering-ram of need pummeled my logical mind, clouding it with thoughts of tearing flesh and sparkling blood, devolving me into a snarling, growling predator - ravenous and unstoppable.

_Blood. _

_Human. _

_Magnificent. _

_Mine._

Every steel cable of self control that tethered me to my vegetarian lifestyle suddenly snapped like so many pieces of rotted string. My legs pumped faster, speeding me towards it, my mouth filling with venom as it anticipated the thick sweetness that would soon be coating my tongue, my teeth grinding together as they ached to rip paper-thin skin and clamp down on the pulsing jugular of whoever the hell was unlucky enough to smell so impossibly good.

I burst through the undergrowth, not even bothering to dodge trees anymore; I simply smashed through them, splintered wood flying around me as the scent got stronger, blasting huge waves of tearing need through me.

I reached the edge of my meadow and stopped dead, every muscle freezing as I saw the girl standing there, innocently, turning slowly, scanning the trees for something.

_Dear God._

I took in a huge lungful of air – a useless gesture for me but one that I couldn't control as my body reacted to the overwhelming scent of the human girl standing a short distance away from me.

It was her.

She was the source of my torture.

I scanned her lithe body, her dark hair, the creamy expanse of her neck that I would soon be tearing open and devouring.

_How? How can she smell so hideously delicious? Why did I never know a scent so staggeringly incredible existed in the world until now?_

My logical brain screamed at me to stop, to deny the bloodlust. It shrieked that there was no way to justify killing her. She was innocent of any of the major crimes that would have previously allowed me to kill with the minimum amount of guilt.

I ignored it. I had to.

I tensed my body in preparation. I would be quick. She wouldn't even see me. I wouldn't give her time to witness the animal behind my eyes. I would simply sink my teeth into her buttery skin and suck down huge mouthfuls of her remarkable blood. It would sing in my veins. It would restart my desiccated heart. It would finally take away my burning hunger, and I would cradle her lifeless body to me reverently while I reveled in the blinding ecstasy her blood would bring me.

My body trembled with anticipation.

I couldn't stop myself.

I didn't want to stop myself.

I wanted to let every base desire burst out of me and find complete satisfaction for one brief, shining moment. I would worry about the guilt and consequences later. In the here and now, all I could think about was her.

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket.

_Go away, Alice. You're too late. I've made my decision. Whatever disappointment you and the rest of the family smother me with will be outweighed by the crushing pleasure I will get from draining that girl's magnificent blood. _

The phone continued to buzz.

I reached into my pocket and squeezed, crushing it into crumbling pieces as I continued to watch my delectable prey scan the meadow.

_What is she looking for?_

I felt my body tense as I hesitated, my curiosity briefly overriding my gnawing hunger.

Her head whipped around and I froze completely.

She was looking at me.

Logically I knew that was impossible because her human eyes couldn't possibly penetrate the depth of shadows where I was standing, and yet her eyes went wide and her heart sped up, pulsing more of her precious nectar to the surface of her skin as she looked in my direction.

I reached out with my mind, trying to find out what the hell she was looking at so intently. I heard nothing. He mind was closed to me.

I frowned.

Never before had I encountered a human who I couldn't read. This girl was intriguing me more and more with every passing second. It didn't mean I wasn't going to kill her, but it did make me pause enough to prolong her life for a few more minutes. I found her inexplicably fascinating.

A light breeze carried a fresh wave of her scent over me and I closed my eyes against the flood of venom that invaded my mouth.

Something was wrong. I sniffed the air. There was another scent, a musky, unappealing scent that mixed with hers and made my lips curl into a snarl.

I snapped my eyes open to see a boy walking towards her, his face smoldering with lust as he wrapped his huge arms around her and started to kiss her. She kissed him back and suddenly an inferno of insane jealousy rocketed through me as a low, possessive growl rumbled out of my chest.

_What the hell?_

I could understand my reaction if he was another vampire intent on stealing her precious blood from me, but he was a boy, no more than seventeen or eighteen. Why on earth did I care so much that his hands were roaming across her body and his tongue was in her mouth?

My fists clenched at my sides.

He needed to die.

Obviously I was beyond explaining my body's ridiculous reaction to this strange, mouth-watering girl.

He started undressing her and all thoughts of his imminent murder ceased as her body was revealed to me in the sunlight.

_My God, she's beautiful._

I could hear small moans tumbling from her as she eagerly pulled the boy's clothes off, both of them soon standing naked in the midday sun.

My body exploded with desire as I gazed at her.

_Holy Jesus, why? Why is the sight of this ordinary human girl making every muscle in my body stiffen and throb for her?_

Suddenly the thoughts of biting and blood and dripping pleasure were replaced with images of her spread before me, my venom-coated tongue tasting a very different type of ecstasy as she moaned and writhed around me.

I stumbled as my legs quaked at the thought. I reached out and leaned against a nearby tree, the conflicting battle of bloodlust versus body-lust annihilating every single defense mechanism I had ever constructed and leaving me a quivering mess of overwhelming desire.

I watched in tortured fascination as they kissed and caressed, and when she pushed the boy onto the ground and lowered herself onto his erection, I couldn't help a low groan from escaping me as my hand started to squeeze the aching bulge in my pants.

_This is insane._

I had never been a sexual creature. I had certainly experienced sex – Tanya had made sure of that – but I never truly understood the obsessive thrall it held for so many. I knew members of my family found it endlessly fascinating - yet another reason living with them was a trial - but I found most of the snippets of sexual acts I witnessed through their minds, before I could block out their lusty thoughts, crass and uninteresting.

Yet, here I was, touching myself shamelessly as I watched two humans having intercourse, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to rip the pretty brunette off her whelp of a boyfriend and bury myself in her until she was screaming my name at the top of her lungs.

I felt a blast of anger shoot through me as I realized what a ridiculous and impossible reality that was.

I had finally lost my mind.

I heard the boy start to moan, "Oh, God...Bella, yes..."

_Bella? Short for Isabella I presume. Of course. So fitting._

I blocked out the boy's voice and mind, concentrating only on the magnificent girl taking her pleasure from his convenient body.

I could feel her building release. I could hear her soft, desperate moans. I could smell her arousal wafting over to me along with the scent of her tantalizing blood.

My throat burned and my cock ached and my voice oozed out of me in a series of embarrassing groans of desire, as I fought my every animalistic instinct that screamed at me to kill the boy and fuck the girl before drinking her dry.

I was dangerously close to losing control.

_No. I will not let the monster inside me win. I will not let this ridiculously ordinary human girl rip my humanity from me with her siren blood. I will not ruin decades of self-restraint for a few precious moments of heaven._

I grit my teeth against the bombardment of seductive fantasies currently blasting through my brain. My right hand kept rubbing my erection as my left hand sank into the large tree that was helping keep me upright, the hard wood cracking and splitting under my fingers.

_I have to get out of here. I have to remove myself from the path of temptation or else I'll lose the person I've striven so hard to become and never find him again. _

_I'll never be able to look at my family again if I do this. I'll never be able to stand in their presence and consider myself one of them. If I do this, I will break my parent's hearts, and in turn, my own._

I took one last look at the girl, her body glistening in the sun as she writhed in search of her release, and then...I ran. I ran faster and farther that I ever had before. I ran until the air was clear of her intoxicating perfume and her breathtaking desire.

I ran until I hit the Puget Sound, draining every animal larger than a cat on the way in a desperate quest to satiate the clawing monster inside me. I stood on the shore and paced in agitation, frantically trying to draw serenity from the calm water, but the crawling restlessness inside me knew that there was only one thing that would satisfy me.

Her.

Her blood. Her body.

I needed her. Every part of her.

I needed to consume and possess her. I needed it more than I'd needed anything else in my entire life.

I laughed bitterly as I realized I had gotten what I had been wishing for so long. I had found purpose in my life again, and apparently it was the destruction of an innocent human girl named Isabella.

An explosion of fury bloomed inside me as I thought about her.

_What right did she have to come here and ruin what little peace I had constructed for myself? How dare she demolish all of my years of desperate denial just by 'being'. Goddamn her for transforming my already uncomfortable existence into a world of primal, gut-wrenching torture._

A tidal wave of hatred for the girl engulfed me, making my muscles quake and my fists clench. I strode over to a nearby boulder and pulverized it in a violent frenzy of frustration.

_Damn it all to hell!_

An image of her riding her boyfriend with wild abandon thrust itself into my brain and I squeezed my eyes shut uselessly, trying to block out the arousing tableau.

I couldn't.

It replayed in my mind, over and over again. Her body. Her face. Her scent.

_Want._

_Need._

_Take._

The mere thought of her body made my own roar to life, my dick hardening instantly in my pants, my fingers itching to trail across her warm, soft skin.

I groaned as my arousal ached and throbbed.

_What the hell is wrong with me? I've never had this sort of reaction to any woman – human or vampire. Why her? Why now?_

I thought about the small noises she made as she writhed on her boyfriend and once again my hand automatically went to my erection.

I'd never been one to pleasure myself. I had dabbled in it briefly before I was changed – I was a seventeen year old boy, after all – but since then, there had been very few occasions that had warranted it.

This was obviously one of them.

I ripped open my pants and took myself in hand, feeling out of control and ashamed as I stroked myself roughly, trying to rid myself of the ridiculously arousing image of long, dark hair flowing over creamy, pale skin. I groaned as I saw her writhing over her boyfriend, her breasts bouncing gently as she raised herself off his erection and plunged back down, her skin blushing deliciously in the sunlight.

Suddenly, the image changed. It was me underneath her, grunting and moaning her name as she rode me, her hands traveling over my cold skin as I felt her tighten around me.

_Oh, dear God._

My hand gripped my length harder, my fist moving across the engorged muscles furiously as I felt my abdomen coil and tense.

I could almost hear her voice.

"_Yes, Edward...fuck me! Yes! I'm coming!"_

I grunted as the tension inside me snapped and crashing ecstasy exploded out of me in long, hard pulses; my brain and body reeling from the sheer, primal power of it. I roared into the sky as my muscles tightened and released in excruciating pleasure.

My knees buckled and I panted as I fell forward, the remnants of my orgasm fading, taking away some of the venomous anger inside me.

_Jesus Christ and all the Saints. What the hell was that?_

I had never felt anything like it.

I stood up slowly and shoved myself back in my pants, my fingers trembling slightly.

The force of my reaction to the mere thought of her was disturbing. Unbelievably mind-blowing, but disturbing nonetheless.

Could I have her sexually? Bury myself in her and relieve myself of all this anger and frustration?

The thought was preposterous.

There would be no way she would let an animal like me touch her, and I certainly wasn't going to force her to do anything against her will. Besides, sex with a human was impossible. I'd never even desired to have sex with a human before today. I would probably kill her with one misplaced thrust, one careless squeeze, one misjudged bite.

I ran my fingers through my hair as my mind raced with possible outcomes. None of them satisfied me. None of them allowed me to satiate any of my desires without unacceptable consequences. All of them ended with me killing her, and that was an outcome that was becoming more and more abhorrent to me with each passing second. The image of her body lying bleeding and broken beneath me made an uncomfortable knot of pain and sickness squirm inside me.

No. I couldn't kill her. I wouldn't.

As much as her blood called to me, I had absolutely no excuse to take it, except that I was a vile, pathetic monster, and that was a label I couldn't accept – not after working so hard to disprove it.

I sighed deeply and tried to calm myself.

I needed to talk to Alice. I needed her to remind me that I was capable of doing something other than hunting her down and ripping her throat out.

I needed her to tell me I wasn't going to kill her.

"Edward, you're going to kill her."

I growled in frustration.

"Dammit, Alice, you're supposed to be reassuring me! Look again! The vision is wrong!"

I heard her sigh on the other end of the phone.

"Edward, I can only see what you decide to do, and at the moment it's fluctuating between drinking her blood and turning her, so whichever way you look at it, you kill her. I'm sorry."

"I refuse to drink her blood."

"Okay."

"And there is no way in HELL I will ever turn anyone! Especially her."

"Well, part of you must be okay with turning her because the vision..."

"Alice! I'm not turning her!"

"Alright."

"Stop blindly agreeing with me and tell me something useful!"

"Um...well...in about two seconds you're going to do something really stupid."

I punched the wall in frustration, my fist burying itself deep in the plasterboard.

"GODAMMIT!"

"Told you. Esme is going to kick your ass when she finds out about that, by the way."

I scowled at the phone. "Alice, I'm trying to stop myself from murdering an innocent girl at the moment. I'm hardly concerned about my mother scolding me about a damn hole in the wall."

"Oh, you'll care when she rips you a new one, broody-boy."

I flopped down into the couch and put my head in my hands, desperately trying to ignore the vicious bloodlust burning my throat.

"Alice, why is this happening to me? Was I really such a terrible person in my previous life that I deserve this torture?"

When she spoke again her voice was soft and sympathetic.

"Edward, I know that you're in hell at the moment, but did you ever stop to consider that this might be a good thing?"

I laughed sarcastically.

"Alice, I know you try to find the silver lining in every situation, but I really don't see how you're going to put a positive spin on your brother devolving into a perverted, ravenous maniac."

She laughed softly.

"Come on, Edward, think about it. Why is it that you're so sexually attracted to this girl when I've never so much as seen you glance at a woman in all the years I've known you?"

I felt myself harden at the mere thought of Isabella.

_Because she's magnificent? Because she smells like heaven? Because I could bury my face in her thighs forever and never need to come up for air?_

"I don't know, Alice. Just one more reason for God to point at me and laugh?"

"Dammit, Edward, stop being so morose. Do you think you're the only vampire to ever meet his Singer? A Singer who may very well turn out to be his mate?"

My stomach dropped through the floor.

"What...the hell...did you just say?"

She sighed.

"Crap. I really didn't mean to say that."

"You think she's my Singer?"

"Well, I would have thought that was pretty obvious, even to you."

"And you also think she's my...mate?" I don't think I could have sounded more incredulous if I tried. "Alice, that's ridiculous."

"I know."

"She's human, I'm a vampire."

"I know."

"She's tissue paper, I'm stone."

"I know."

"She's nineteen, and I'm a hundred and nine."

"Edward, I know all of that, alright? I'm just telling you what I see."

"THEN YOU'RE SEEING IT WRONG!"

This could not be happening. I must have finally developed the ability to dream and this was just one huge, agonizing nightmare.

"Put Carlisle on the phone," I said roughly.

She sighed and I suddenly felt bad for being an ass to her.

"Alice, wait," I said softly, trying to control the ungrateful prick inside me, "Thanks. I know you're trying."

"No problem, brother," she replied softly, "I'm sorry I can't help more. I'll call you tomorrow. Hang on, I'll get Carlisle."

I lay down on the couch and breathed deeply, waiting for the voice of reason to break through my red haze.

"Edward?"

_Thank God._

"Carlisle, please tell me what to do. I'm teetering on the edge at the moment, and God help me, I want to jump off, more than I've wanted anything in my life."

"Edward, you're strong. You can resist this girl, no matter how much her blood calls to you."

I laughed bitterly.

"Really, Carlisle? YOU listen to her blood scream your name and then tell me that it's possible to resist."

He paused.

"Son, I can even pretend to understand what you're going through, but I do know you, and I know you've fought harder than anyone to maintain your integrity. I don't think even your Singer could make you forget who you are."

I frowned against the painful hunger that squirmed inside me.

"I wish I had your confidence," I said quietly, not wanting for him to hear the complete and utter desperation in my voice.

"Edward, Alice thinks this girl may be your mate. What do you think?"

Oh hell, what _did_ I think? I knew that she stirred emotions and physical reactions in me that I'd never before experienced. I knew I wanted to posses her – completely. Could she possibly be my mate?

The thought was inconceivable.

"Have you even heard of a vampire taking a human for a mate before?" I asked, praying silently for him to say 'yes'.

"I've heard of vampires having sexual relations with humans, but never of them actually mating for life."

A small spark of hope ignited inside me.

"But sex is possible? Between a vampire and a human?" I said a little too eagerly, the thought arousing my body immediately, my hands becoming itchy and desperate for sensation at the mere possibility of soft, warm skin.

I heard Carlisle exhale and I knew his answer wasn't going to please me. "It's possible, Edward, but to be very honest, I've heard no stories of the human surviving the experience. Their bodies are simply too fragile, and our kind tends to not be able to temper our strength in the throes of passion. I'm sorry, son."

I clenched my jaw against the crushing disappointment.

"So, it's official then. I'm damned. I can't satisfy my desire for her blood or her body, so I'm just expected to exist in a state of constant arousal and hunger?"

"Edward," Carlisle said carefully, "You know there is another option you may want to consider..."

I sat up immediately, indignation pulsing through me.

"No, Carlisle," I said firmly, "I will not change her."

"Edward..."

"NO! You know my opinion on that. I would be robbing her of her life and future as surely as if I gave into my hunger and tore open her throat. I can't do it. I won't. Besides, the likelihood of me actually being able to control myself enough to not kill her outright is slim at best."

"Edward, have you considered the fact that if this girl is, in fact, your mate, you two are destined to be together and she might WANT you to change her?"

I froze.

The thought was ferociously seductive - to finally have someone at my side for the rest of eternity. It was something I had fantasized about too many times to recall, and even now, my reaction to it was immediate and powerful - a blast of excitement coursed through me.

_Is this even a possibility? If given a choice, would she, in fact, choose me?_

I swallowed hard as I realized that it was impossible. I was a monster – dealing in death and blood and destruction, and she was...she was...well, she was everything I was not – light, and life, and warm and beautiful.

I sighed and fought back a groan of disappointment.

"Thanks for the talk, Carlisle, but it looks like my only option is to ignore the pull of her blood and body and stay away from her. I don't see any other way around it."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, a habit I had picked up from my human father, and pushed down the primal urges that were fiercely trying to convince me to do their bidding. They would not win. I would not become the animal they wanted me to be. My vampire father had raised me better than that.

If absolute denial was the answer then that's what I would do, even though the thought of staying away from Bella...Isabella...was almost physically painful to me. I would do what I must.

"Son," Carlisle said softly, "I know that you'll get through this. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but I know that you won't let it defeat you. However, I don't know that staying away from the girl is the answer. As soon as we label something forbidden, our attraction to it seems to increase exponentially. Obviously that might have disastrous effects for you at the moment. Perhaps a better idea would be to arrange some casual interactions – get to know her a little. You never know - you may become de-sensitized to the call of her blood."

I stifled a bitter laugh. I loved my father dearly, but sometimes the eternal optimist in him completely hypnotized the brutal realist.

I had no such problem.

I instinctively knew that my situation was hopeless. Still, as always, I would consider his wise counsel.

"Thank you, father," I said, standing up and pacing the length of the room, "I'll keep that in mind."

"Edward, if you like, one of us could come and stay with you for a while...to support you...help you through this?"

My stubborn pride bristled at the suggestion. The last thing I needed at the moment was a member of my ever-helpful family dragging themselves away from their home and partner to babysit me with wary, sympathetic eyes. I couldn't handle the guilt of subjecting anyone else to the torment of my miserable existence, and frankly, if Carlisle's absolute faith in my self-control turned out to be misplaced, I didn't want the shame of anyone else witnessing my utter failure.

"Thank you, Carlisle, but I'd like to think I can do this on my own."

"Alright, son," he said warmly, "But if you need anything, you know that we're here for you."

A sharp pang of affection for my family twisted inside me. I missed them.

"I know. Please tell everyone I love them."

"Of course. Take care, son."

"I will. Goodbye."

I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. The memory of Isabella's blood still lingered in my nose, and the phantom image of her magnificent nakedness flicked seductively in my brain.

Was Carlisle right? Could some casual social interactions really help control my all-consuming lust for this girl?

I shook my head against the thought.

Although I did interact with humans in town, they all sensed I was different. They might be attracted to me momentarily because of my physical beauty, but after a short time their eyes would become shadowed in fear and they would scurry away like rats from a hungry cat.

I don't think I could stand for that to happen with Isabella. The thought of her looking at me with anything but want and desire and primal aching need distressed me more than I would have thought possible.

So letting her see me was out of the question, but that didn't mean I couldn't see her.

But could I see her...smell her...and resist the urge to kill her?

It was a huge gamble – pitting my carefully cultivated self-control against the inexorable pull of her blood and body. Still, if it paid off it may offer some slight relief for my current torment.

To hell with it. At this point I was willing to try anything, because the thought of denying myself the sweet torture of her presence was unbearable to me.

I dropped the phone and sprinted out of the house, racing towards my meadow, towards her excruciating scent.

Venom flooded my mouth at the memory of its overwhelming bouquet.

When I found it, I would follow it back to where she lived, and there, under the cover of darkness, I would find out which part of my personality would continue to fight another day – the human, or the monster.

As my nose started to detect the first faint hints of her, my legs pumped harder, speeding me towards my ultimate goal, and suddenly, nightfall...darkness...couldn't come fast enough.

...

...

...

* * *

**Author Notes**

**So, WindowWard is hungry and horny – I may very well have based him on myself.**

**Please leave me a review and let me know what you think. **

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	3. Touching Temptation

**Chapter Notes**

**Welcome back to Grasping Darkness****. **

**My Beta-Goddess is Irritable Grizzly. She's awesome****.**

**My Twilighted beta is Tima83 - also awesome.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight characters. Apparently I own a sick, perverted mind. **

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3 – Touching Temptation**

**EPOV**

Isabella Swan.

The name rumbled around in my brain as I looked at her, my entire body inflamed with so many layers of desire it boggled my mind to think I had resisted her for so long.

My throat shrieked and blazed, demanding what I had been so hesitant to give it, and suddenly, just looking at her wasn't enough anymore.

I groaned as my teeth sank into the soft, warm flesh of her throat, a thick spurt of blood filling my mouth as she cried out feebly. I clamped a hand over her mouth as my other hand wrapped around her waist, pulling her to me, crushing her body to mine as the indescribable ecstasy of her blood exploded inside my dead heart. I closed my eyes as I sucked down huge mouthfuls of her warm heaven, every swallow filling my body with life and pleasure and blinding satisfaction.

I felt her ribs crack as my arms tightened around her, my control snapping as I drifted into a state of overwhelming bliss, every cell in my body screaming with relief as the endless, burning ache inside me was finally soothed. She flinched weakly in my arms as her failing heart gradually ran out of blood to pump, and I groaned softly as I realized her life would soon be ended, and my torment at having killed such a precious creature would soon begin.

I heard a loud snapping sound and looked up to see the large branch I'd been holding had broken off in my hand.

The fantasy faded quickly as I realized I was still outside her window, as I had been every night for the past six weeks, and the fierce burning in my throat reminded me that her blood was still in her veins and not in my aching body.

I threw the branch to the ground in frustration, not really caring if the loud crash woke her up. I wanted her to wake up. I wanted her to stumble out of bed and look out the window. I wanted her to see me, sitting here like a goddamn gargoyle, tense and tortured and almost losing my mind with the effort of not taking what I desired. I wanted her eyes to go wide in fear as she recognized me for what I was – a monster. A filthy blood-sucking freak who was damned to watch her from afar because I was too weak to leave her alone. Too pathetic to put her out of my mind. Too human to give into my true nature and take the blood I so desperately craved.

"DAMMIT!" I growled in frustration, my fist slamming into the hard tree trunk and splintering the wood.

Six weeks I'd been doing this. Six unbelievably torturous weeks - waiting and watching - feeding my addiction for her. It was unbearable.

But I did bear it. I bore it because what else could I do? Where else could I go?

I felt like I was in a demonic holding pattern, waiting for something to happen, for some cosmic tether to snap and plunge me into either heaven or hell. My desire to have her, coupled with my stubborn refusal to give in to that desire, clawed at my sanity like razor blades, and I was seriously starting to think I was losing my mind.

_Make a damn choice, Cullen. Eat her or leave her alone. Stop being a damn creeper and watching her while she sleeps._

Of course I didn't just watch her while she slept. Oh, no. That would be too...acceptable. I sat here, breathing in the thin wisps of her mouth-watering aroma that floated out of her bedroom window, and listened to her whimpering sleep-noises; watching in rapt fascination as her long, lean legs gradually worked themselves out from under her sheets...and as I much as I fought against my own perversion, I seemed to always end up the same way – with my pants unzipped as I stroked myself to release, fantasizing about her – not just sexually, but also in more...brutal ways. Sometimes, just before I came - groaning and ashamed in the darkness - I would get random images of her...broken and bloodied, slowly oozing life as my tongue hungrily devoured her.

It almost made me sick to my stomach that I could still orgasm amidst images of such debased vileness, but to be honest, my own depravity failed to surprise me anymore. Every time I thought I couldn't sink any lower, I somehow found a way to. It was obviously a talent.

The nights when her idiot boyfriend came to clumsily molest her were the worst. He would fumble his way around her body, completely missing all of her erogenous zones with unerring accuracy, and then heave and moan above her like a rutting bull, oblivious to the fact her heart rate had barely registered his presence.

It drove me insane. Well, more insane than normal, because obviously God didn't think it was sufficient to just torture me with her exquisite blood and body, he also had to throw in that clueless buffoon as well.

I was really starting to dislike God.

More often than not she would wait until the overgrown child had left and then touch herself, granting herself the orgasmic release he consistently failed to provide her.

That was almost worse for me.

Keeping myself away from her as she touched herself - groaning plaintively as she searched for satisfaction - was painfully difficult. From my vantage point I had a perfect view of her glorious nakedness as her knowing hands moved across her body, finding the tendrils of her pleasure and tugging at them until they unraveled inside her, flooding my mind and body with raging desire, filling my nose with the scent of her staggering arousal.

Once again, I blamed God.

Obviously he was punishing me for my innumerable layers of immorality. Either that or he was just a sadistic bastard who liked to see me squirm. Either way, he was really starting to piss me off.

Some nights the temptation to smash through the flimsy window became so unbearable I had to leave, sprinting through the forest until I found some poor creature to help relieve my insanity, tearing it apart with my bare hands and practically bathing myself in its blood to quell the voices that screamed their sick desires inside my head.

It was at those times I swore to myself that I wouldn't put myself through this torture anymore, that I would go back to my family in Alaska and endure their pity and condescension rather than this gut-twisting agony, but every night, I still found myself on my familiar perch, the anticipation of seeing her itching across my skin like an army of ants, only easing when I was ensconced in the darkness, observing her painful light.

"Oh...yes...please...I need you..."

My head snapped up as her voice tumbled out of the blackness.

"Oh...God...yes..."

I sniffed the air, my body reacting violently as I smelled her arousal floating from the open window.

Jesus.

She was having a sex-dream.

I squinted into the shadows as I watched her writhe in her bed, small cries and groans mixing with the night noises, caressing me as effectively as a hand, or mouth. I felt myself stiffen immediately, the all-too-familiar ache of my erection flaring to life like a ravenous, insatiable beast.

I stood up to try and relieve the pressure, but it was useless. It only gave me a better vantage point to see her as she moaned and writhed and sighed.

Her hands started moving across her body.

_Dear God._

I swallowed a mouthful of venom as I watched one hand slip under her tank-top, reaching up to cup her breast as her other hand dipped into her pajama shorts. I could see her hand moving in small circles, and suddenly the scent coming from her window increased ten-fold.

I looked up at the sky.

"You're a bastard," I said to the moonless heavens as I stroked myself through my jeans.

I laughed bitterly when the heavens responded by covering me in a torrential downpour.

"Right. Of course. Thank you very much, asshole," I mumbled under my breath.

I looked back to the window. I could still hear her moans, but the rain was obscuring my view of her shameless self-pleasure.

_Well, that's not acceptable._

I was torn.

The sensible part of me told me to leave - take the massive cosmic hint that was currently drenching my clothes and skin, and run back to my house where I could take care of my insistent arousal in the comfort of my extremely dry bedroom.

However, the idiot masochist in me told me to get closer to her, break the self-imposed taboo I had placed on being near her and crawl through that goddamn window, allowing myself to stand over her and watch as she brought herself to release.

The blood-thirsty monster inside me liked that idea too, and I involuntarily ran my tongue around my teeth, partly to remove some of the water dripping down my face, but mostly because I itched to sink my sharp incisors into her warm, sweet skin and let my lips close over the sparkling, sanguine reward just beneath the surface.

Without realizing that I had made a decision, I leapt onto the window sill and stepped silently inside the dark room, droplets of water running off my body and making dull dripping noises on the thin carpet.

Before I could stop myself, I inhaled.

_Oh dear God, no._

My knees buckled beneath me and I stumbled heavily against a large dresser, wincing as several perfume bottles fell over and clattered noisily.

I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath as the strongest wave of bloodlust I had ever felt stampeded through my spasming body. The effect of her scent was bad enough when it was diluted by clean air, but here, in this tiny room, every single article of clothing, every piece of furniture absolutely reeked of her tantalizing smell. It blasted through me like a hurricane, decimating all the years of control I had so carefully cultivated, devolving me into a moaning, writhing beast who could barely remember his own name, let alone the reasons I wouldn't allow myself the sweet destiny of her blood.

I ground my teeth together and balled my fists, calling on every last ounce of self-control I could muster.

_God...help me. __I know I don't deserve your pity, but please...don't let me do what I so desperately want to...please._

I swallowed time and again to clear the venom that pooled insistently behind my teeth, every mouthful escalating the impossible pain that blasted through my throat, screaming for tearing relief and sweet, dripping crimson.

I groaned, clamping my hand over my mouth as I gripped at my control with desperate, clutching resolve. My head banged against the hard wood of the dresser as I thrashed from side to side.

_Shit._

I froze and cursed under my breath, willing myself to stay still so I didn't wake the sleeping girl, because if she discovered me right now and made even the slightest move towards me, I would drain her in a heartbeat and cackle like a madman in a horror movie.

I wrapped my arms around my legs and squeezed, letting the pain I was causing myself distract me from the gaping hunger clawing at my stomach with steel-tipped talons.

God, it was unbearable.

I had to do something. I had to get out or I would destroy this girl and myself. I would commit murder. True murder. Murder of an innocent whose only crime was to possess the world's most mouth-watering blood.

I swallowed one last time and opened my eyes, standing up slowly, still leaning against the wall for support.

The girl moaned and I couldn't stop my head from whipping around to look at her.

I grimaced as a saw what she was doing to herself, my body reacting to it by bombarding me with a blast of overpowering sexual desire that rose up to match the intensity of my still-raging bloodlust.

I grunted with the effort it took to keep my feet planted on the ground and not to leap onto her bed like a hungry panther.

Her breathing picked up, every exhalation now accompanied by a plaintive moan, each more intense than the last.

Her mouth dropped open and her brow furrowed, small panting breaths whispering in the darkness as I pushed myself back into the wall, the plaster crumbling slightly under the pressure.

"Oh...God...yes," she mumbled softly as her back arched off the bed, the hand in her pants moving feverishly now, circling faster and faster as her heartbeat accelerated in tandem.

"Jesus," I hissed softly as I tried desperately to calm myself, my control unraveling like a cheap sweater.

My feet moved towards her, and from that moment, I knew I was lost. I fought to stay in control - to still my movement - and yet, one foot continued to fall in front of the other, each step removing another painful chunk of my humanity and restraint.

She cried out loudly, and my whole body convulsed with need as I heard the frantic pounding of her blood – pulsing and delicious and wet.

I stood there, looking down on her, her warm pink skin calling me – calling to my mouth, my tongue, my...teeth. Her scent tugged at me – wrapping me in steel cables of desire and gut-wrenching need – pulling me forward...insistently...irresistibly.

A low growl rasped out of me. It was the growl of the predator...the monster inside who knew what it wanted and knew I was just about to give it to him. He licked his lips and smiled, rejoicing in my weakness. Celebrating my damnation.

I swallowed the venom that flooded my mouth. It burned like acid, setting my throat on fire and reminding me that as much as I wanted to resist the soothing ecstasy of her blood, I couldn't.

It was like waving a fully prepared syringe of heroin in front of a junkie and daring them to not plunge it straight into their screaming veins.

I wasn't strong enough. I didn't want to be.

The sooner I accepted that, the quicker this whole ordeal will be over. I'd accept the brief blinding pleasure her blood would bring me and then I'd deal with the consequences of my actions. I couldn't deny my true nature anymore.

It was a mistake to enter this bedroom, to drown in her scent...and we were both about to pay the price.

I slowly knelt beside her bed, dizzy with expectation, forcing myself not to rush the experience, to savor every ecstatic second the last few moments of her life would bring me.

I leaned into her neck, breathing in her incredible aroma as I listened to the heavy, wet thudding of her heart, watching in fascination as her pulse flicked the skin covering her jugular, each squeeze of her heart blasting more of her sublime blood through that giant, throbbing vein.

I opened my mouth and leaned forward.

She mumbled in her sleep and I froze, my razor-sharp teeth millimeters away from her throat. Her brow furrowed and she squirmed as she made small frightened noises.

"No...please..."

_What the hell?_

The blood-lust froze in my dry veins. My mouth snapped shut.

"Please..."

It was like she knew...like she sensed what I was about to do to her. My stomach churned at the thought.

She was scared, and I don't know how, but I was pretty damn sure she was scared of me.

I studied her face and leaned back, away from her throat. She relaxed slightly. I moved forward, and the frowning and mewling started again.

"No," she whispered softly, "Don't..."

_What the __hell is going on here?_

The animal inside me screamed in frustration. Why couldn't I read her mind like every other person on the damn planet?

Before I knew what I was doing my hand was on her forehead, gently stroking it, trying to soothe away her fear. I gasped slightly as my fingers came in contact with her feverish skin, and to my utter surprise, she sighed contentedly.

"Sssssh," I said softly, brushing her hair away from her face. "Don't be frightened. I won't hurt you."

My inner predator laughed bitterly at my blatant lie.

She turned toward me, reaching out, and her hand landed on my chest, her fingers automatically gripping the fabric of my sodden shirt.

I clenched my jaw and fought to stay still as her hand started moving across my body.

I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed to God to give me strength to not bite her, or rape her, or do any of the thousands of heinous acts currently thundering through my twisted brain. I didn't hold out much hope that God would help me considering that he obviously hated me, but at this point, anything was worth a try.

Her fingers continued to lightly brush over my chest as her mouth curled into a slight smile.

I dropped my head back and groaned. Even through the cold, wet fabric of my shirt, her fingers were igniting my skin. Everywhere she touched blazed like a forest fire, incinerating my reason and morality as violent desire flooded my body.

I couldn't take it. I wanted more. I wanted everything. Every part of her - her body and her blood.

A low, long growl rumbled out of my chest as her hand moved lower, brushing down my stomach and over the waistband of my jeans. I ached for her to touch me lower, and yet I had no idea what would happen if she actually did. Only one other woman had touched me down there, and it was a less than stellar experience, yet I was pretty sure that if this small human girl dragged her hand over where I wanted it most, I was going to need some immediate relief.

Her fingers moved down, lightly brushing across my painful erection. I felt a jolt of pleasure like nothing I'd ever known, and I had to push down the overwhelming need to come then and there.

_Jesus_. _Another level of depravity reached - getting off while an unconscious girl gropes me._

I truly disgusted myself.

I lunged backwards, hitting the wall with a thud as I pulled a ragged breath into my useless lungs. The girl's hand grasped at the air where I had stood, her face furrowing in disappointment.

My dick was throbbing and aching in my jeans and I only hesitated for a moment before wrenching them open and gripping it firmly.

_You animal, Cullen. You pathetic, disgusting animal._

I started pumping my hand, moving it up and down my length, keeping my hungry eyes focused on the girl in the bed.

I watched in disbelief as her breathing increased in pace, keeping time with my desperate strokes. I leaned my head back against the wall and groaned as I watched her, her hand gripping the sheets beside her as her legs opened and closed rhythmically.

_God...look at her. _

_No. Stop. _

_I can't. _

_She's magnificent._

_I'm going to hell. _

I inhaled deeply, and the force of her arousal slammed into me, bathing me in impatient, impending pleasure.

"Oh...Jesus," I moaned as my hand moved faster, my abdomen tightening as the sight and smell of this remarkable woman hurtled me toward my release.

"Aaaaah..." I exclaimed as I climaxed violently into my hand, my cries of pleasure being echoed in a quiet, female voice a few feet away. I watched her as the ecstasy pulsed out of me, and the look on her face was the most magnificent thing I'd ever seen. I stood there, the evidence of my perversion all over me, and yet all I could do was stare at her.

"Oh, God, Isabella," I whispered as her contented sighs filled the room. My chest tightened as I said her name. Had I said it out loud before? It felt incredible.

"Isabella."

"Hmmmm...?" she sighed into the silence.

I gasped in surprise.

_C__an she hear me?_

_No. She's asleep._

_Isn't she?_

"Did you enjoy that, Isabella?" I asked softly, feeling ridiculous beyond all reason.

"Hmmmm...yes," she slurred quietly.

_Oh dear Lord._

The tension in her body released and her face softened as her breathing slowed into a deep, steady rhythm.

"Isabella?"

She didn't answer.

I quickly grabbed some tissues off her dresser and cleaned myself up, refastening my jeans and sighing heavily.

My throat still burned, my body still ached, but somewhere deep inside me, a small ember of satisfaction flickered and glowed.

I was still perplexed about her unconscious reaction to me. Was it possible this girl shared some sort of strange empathy with me? That she could feel what I was feeling? That we had some kind of ….connection?

I laughed at the thought. It was ridiculous. And yet, at this point, I had no other explanation as to what passed between us tonight.

I walked over and looked down at her, shoving my hands in my pockets to avoid the temptation to grab her roughly.

She looked so peaceful...content. Her soft features were beautiful in the darkness and my chest became uncomfortably tight the longer I looked at her.

A wolf howled in the distance and I spun around, suddenly on edge. A light breeze stirred the curtains and I could almost smell the impending sunrise.

I had to go.

I looked back at the sleeping angel and lightly ran my fingers down her soft cheek. She sighed under my touch.

Suddenly, an alien emotion started gestating within me, something I had never experienced before.

It rumbled into my mind, planting seeds of ideas that were once ridiculous to me, seducing me with possibilities that shouldn't be available to a monster like myself, offering me something I hadn't experienced in all of my undead existence.

Hope.

"Sleep well, Isabella," I murmured softly as I turned and climbed out the window. I jumped to the ground noiselessly and ran, feeling exhilarated, confused, and staggeringly hungry.

I headed deeper into the forest as I searched for the big game animals that would go some way to satisfying my aggravated hunger. I needed to feed well before I returned to the window tonight, because if I learned only one thing this evening, it was that I was finished with being a whining, tree-hugging spectator.

I needed to be inside that small, mouth-watering room. I needed to bathe in her incredible, gut-wrenching scent. I needed to see her and smell her and let her light pierce my darkness.

I needed to satiate my inner animal as much as possible so I'd be strong enough to keep myself from hurting her. Because after what I experienced tonight, I was pretty sure that if I could stop myself from killing Isabella Swan, she would become the source of my salvation.

...

...

**Two weeks later...**

His hands were on her. His hands were on her and I wanted to pull his arms out of their sockets and beat him to death with them.

"Come on, Bells," he whined like a five-year-old trying to get his mother to buy him a new bike. "We haven't made love all week. I need to make you come."

_Boy, you've NEVER made her c__ome. I've made her come more than you have and I've barely laid a hand on her._

I clenched my jaw and dug my fingers in the tree trunk as her pathetic boyfriend latched himself onto her throat. She endured it silently, but he completely missed the signposts of her boredom, and insisted on moaning loud enough for both of them.

It made my stomach churn.

Isabella's heart-rate barely flinched, and I snarled quietly to myself as I resisted the urge to burst through the window and rip the throat-sucker's face off.

"Jake, stop," she said with a frustrated sigh as she pushed him away.

_Good girl, Isabella. Don't let that idiot touch you. He has no idea how to make your body sing._

"I think I'm getting a migraine," she said, rubbing her temples.

I almost laughed out loud.

_She__'s using the migraine excuse again? How does he not know that's a scam? She's truly the world's worst actress._

His mind filled with images of fucking her with an ice-pack on her head before a wave of guilt passed through him.

God, he was pathetic.

Not that I was one to talk. Since entering her room for the first time two weeks ago, I had become addicted to the epic battle between my bloodlust and body-lust, walking a knife-edge every night between wanting to kill her violently, and making her climax until she passed out.

Invariably, I was too terrified of my own strength to actually touch her, so the night ended with my dick in my hand and her name on my lips, staring and fascinated to see how my state of arousal affected her unconscious body. Most of the time my orgasms also brought her to release. It was remarkable.

I now had no doubt that she could sense my emotions, and it staggered me to think that we shared such an intimate bond.

I turned back to the window. The boy had pulled her into his arms and was stroking her back.

My lips pulled back from my teeth as I watched his hands move across her body.

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him and make her watch. I wanted her to see what I would do to anyone who touched what was mine.

I could do it. I could leap through that window and have his throat in my hands within seconds. I would look into her face as I squeezed, my hard fingers plunging into his warm flesh like it was jell-o, squeezing until his head popped right off his neck.

Suddenly, my pocket started to vibrate.

I pulled out my phone and thrust it up to my ear.

"What is it, Alice?" I said with quiet impatience.

"Darling brother," she said with an annoying amount of enthusiasm, "Is that any way to greet your favorite sister?"

"You're not my favorite sister," I said, "Rose is. She fixes my car. You just interrupt my homicidal fantasies."

She laughed and I had to smile. She knew that out of all my siblings, she was the one I relied on most. She wasn't intimidated by my sullen moods and unending brooding. In fact, I think she delighted in teasing me out of my tortured musings.

"You're not going to kill that boy," she said in the most condescending tone I'd ever heard, and for Alice, that was saying something. "If you did she would never see you as anything but a monster, and that would kill you. You know that. Plus, you'd ruin that nice shirt you're wearing, and that would be tragic.

I looked down at the blue button-up I was wearing. Alice had given it to me for my birthday. It was very nice.

"I could take the shirt off," I offered, "I do despise trying to remove blood stains."

I kept my eyes on the window as I talked, tensing as I watched the boy start to rub her shoulders.

"Take your shirt off, Bells," he said in a ridiculous voice that I can only assume was meant to be sexy, "I'll give you a massage."

Images of him massaging her vagina with his cock sprang into his mind right about the same time images of me massaging his skull with my fists popped into mine.

"Edward!" Alice said urgently, "Knock it off! I'm trying to have sexy times with my man, and that's pretty damn impossible when I keep getting visions of you going on a murderous rampage."

I sighed and looked away from the window.

"I'm sorry, Alice. This girl just makes me...God. I don't know. She drives me crazy."

"She's your _singer_, Edward," she said patiently, "Of course she's going to drive you crazy. The fact that you've resisted her blood for as long as you have is a testament to how strong you really are."

I laughed bitterly. "Alice, I sit in a tree every night and watch her until she goes to sleep, and then I creep into her room like a common pervert and do unspeakable things to myself while I fantasize about drinking her blood. Forgive me if I don't think that shows an enormous amount of strength...or sanity, on my part."

"God, Edward," she sighed, "If you don't see how remarkable it is that you can even be in the same _room_ as your singer and not immediately rip her throat out, then I have nothing more to say to you, dumbass."

I gasped in mock-horror. "Seriously? I just had to turn into an immoral singer-stalker to finally get you to shut-up? If I'd known that I would have done it years ago."

"Oh, stop," she deadpanned, "You're killing me with the funny. Oh...ow...my sides have split."

I chuckled softly and shook my head. Alice was the only person who could make me feel like my gross inadequacies weren't really that bad. God, I loved her.

"Did you have anything else to say to me?" I asked in fake-irritation, "Because as you know, I have a long night of stalking an unconscious girl and touching myself ahead of me. I kind of need to concentrate."

"Oh, ewwww," she exclaimed loudly. "Brother, I do NOT need the mental image of you jerking your junk. Please desist. As a matter of fact, yes, I do have something else to tell you."

"Spit it out then," I said, as I watched Isabella begin to take off her shirt. She unbuttoned it quickly and let it fall off her shoulders, revealing a flimsy white bra with baby-blue ribbons.

_Oh...God. I can see her nipples. They__'re pale and pink and perfect and...Jesus...what I wouldn't give just to lick one of them..._

"Edward! Did you hear what I said?"

"Uh...sorry, what?"

"I said you should try touching her."

If it was possible, my heart would have skipped a beat.

"What? Alice, what the hell are you talking about?"

I froze as I watched Isabella unclasp her bra and ease if off.

_Oh, dear God._

Her breasts were magnificent. My hands itched to run over their silky softness, to palm their delicious weight...

"Edward, I know you've been fantasizing about touching her, and I know you're terrified of what would happen if you did, but I think it will be okay."

I frowned and looked away from the glory of Isabella's breasts as I struggled to comprehend what Alice was saying.

"You THINK it will be okay?" I said incredulously. "You THINK it will be okay if I touch her? So there's still a chance I might break her skin, or snap her bones, or KILL her? Alice, I love you, but forgive me if I don't risk an innocent girl's life on something you have a hunch about."

"Edward," she said in exasperation, "Do you think I'd even mention it if I didn't think it was safe? I mean, I do like torturing you, but that would just be cruel."

I turned back to the window. Isabella was lying on the bed and the buffoon was rubbing his large brown hands all over her back. I watched as he pushed his thumbs into her muscles and then stroked her soft skin with his fingertips.

God, how I hated him. How I wanted his flimsy human hands to be mine so I could touch her without being terrified that my hard fingers and vampire strength would damage her.

"You can do it, Edward," Alice said reassuringly. "You won't hurt her."

I swallow a knot of emotion as I let her words drag my stubborn brain into a whole new world of possibility.

"You _think_ I won't hurt her?" I asked softly, afraid to hope too much that the sweet sanctuary of her skin was available to me, "Or you _know_ I won't hurt her."

Alice was silent for a second, and in that moment the fragile possibility she had given me lay stretched in my mind like a sheet of fine crystal, just waiting for her answer to smash it to pieces, or make it ring with sweet clarity.

"I know _you_, Edward," she answered softly, "And as much as you think you struggle with your control, you're one of the strongest people I know. This girl is important to you. More than even you realize at the moment. You won't hurt her. In fact, you'll do the exact opposite."

I exhaled heavily, letting her words sink deep into me. "Alice, I really want to believe you're right, but..."

"I am right," she said firmly, cutting me off. "I'm always right, dear brother, you should know that by now. But you should eat first. Just in case."

An unexpected wave of anticipation blasted through me.

_Jesus, __I'm honestly considering this? _

_I'm officially the most selfish creature on the planet, and my sister is my enabler._

"Of course," I said, half-dazed, "I'll go and hunt shortly."

Small moans began floating out the window. Isabella was obviously enjoying her massage. I hated that _he_ was doing that for her. Perhaps later tonight, my hands would be making her moan.

A rush of venom filled my mouth at the thought, and I swallowed it quickly, wincing against the painful fire that accompanied it.

"Thanks, Alice," I said sincerely, "I'll talk to you soon. Say hi to everyone for me."

"I will," she said with a hint of sadness in her voice. "We miss you, Edward."

I pang of guilt went through me. It always hurt to know that my inability to cope with their happiness affected my family. I hoped that one day I might have enough happiness of my own that I could re-join them permanently.

"I miss you all, too," I said quietly.

I hung up and put the phone back in my pocket, sighing as I looked back through the window.

The whelp had moved his hands down, and now he was massaging Isabella's thigh's.

I suppressed a growl.

Her migraine may have been a ruse, but he didn't know that.

_How many headaches are caused by tense thigh muscles, idiot?_

Isabella sat up and put her shirt back on.

"Thanks, Jake," she said in a clipped tone, and I could swear she was just as pissed with him as I was, "That doesn't really help."

_Suck it, Jake._

"I think I'm just going to have a bath and go to bed early."

He sighed and adjusted his erection.

_Animal._

"Okay, sure, Bells. I'll call you tomorrow?"

"If you like," she said with a practically non-existent level of enthusiasm.

Why the hell was she still with this fool? She clearly couldn't stand him. She treated him like crap and barely tolerated him sexually. I didn't understand why she would continue to be with someone who was clearly so unworthy of her.

Plus, he smelled bad. Every time I caught a whiff of his stench mixed with Isabella's sublime scent, it made me want to kill him even more. There was just something about this kid that made me want to rip his throat out.

I waited and watched until he bid her goodnight and left, his tiny car reverberating loudly as it rumbled into the distance. Isabella headed toward the bathroom and I decided to hunt quickly so I could return and watch her fall asleep.

I jumped out of the tree and headed into to woods, running fast and smelling the air, looking for anything close-by that could sustain me, even for a few hours. I soon found a small herd of deer near a stream to the north, and I took down two large elks simultaneously, making quick work of them before sprinting back to Isabella.

As I leapt up into the tree, I could smell fresh soap and shampoo mixed with the glory that was just...her. I inhaled deeply and took up my regular position. I did a slight double-take when I saw the damage I had caused the poor tree – the provider of my preferred pervert-perch. There were holes and splinters everywhere, and I felt bad that this defenseless tree had borne the brunt of my frustration.

_Just another black mark against me. _

_Edward Cullen – deviant, psychopath and enemy to trees everywhere. Excellent._

I patted the tree soothingly, as if that would excuse my behavior, and peered into the bedroom.

Isabella was already in her pajamas, lying on the bed and reading a book. As she read, her hand traced the expanse of skin between her tank-top and her sleep-shorts, her fingertips gently brushing over the skin.

_I could do that__. I could touch her gently. I don't have to hurt her. As long as I keep my bloodlust in check, and don't wake her up, I can do this. _

_I need__ to do it._

Isabella interrupted my thoughts by yawning loudly, arching her back and stretching her arms over her head before placing her book on the nightstand and turning out the light. The lack of light didn't bother me. I could still see her as clearly as if it was the middle of the day, and I waited until her breathing slowed into her regular sleep rhythm before jumping onto the window sill and climbing inside.

As usual, my bloodlust flared to life the moment my nostrils were assailed with the undiluted strength of her scent, and as usual I closed my eyes and froze for a few minutes as I waited for the flow of venom to subside.

When it did, I opened my eyes and looked at her sleeping form. Her sheet was pulled up to her chest, but both of her legs were hanging out of the side of it, long and smooth and practically calling my name.

_Legs. Okay. That seems like as good a place to start as any. Feet c__an be ticklish, and anything further up might set off a reaction in my body that I would be unable to stop, so...legs it is._

I knelt down beside the bed and swallowed heavily, suddenly nervous about touching this perfect, undamaged creature.

Alice said it would be alright, and I had yet to see her be proven wrong.

_Okay, Cullen, get yourself under control and just take it easy._

I reached out a hand tentatively, letting it hover just over her calf-muscle. I could feel the heat radiating from her skin, and I prayed to my indifferent God that I had the control to do what I was about to do.

I brought my fingertips down to her skin and brushed them across it gently.

_Jesus._

Her skin was so soft, like warm silk.

I hadn't touched that many humans in the past, except the walking piles of garbage whose throats I had ripped out mercilessly, but I'm pretty sure no one else on the planet felt as good as this.

She stirred slightly at my touch and I immediately snatched my hand back and froze. She frowned and let out a disappointed moan before turning over to face me.

I waited for a few moments before bringing my hand back down, this time brushing my palm up the length of her shin bone before trailing my fingers back down.

"Oh...God...yes," she murmured quietly, and suddenly the scent of her arousal filled the room.

I snatched my hand away again and shoved it in my mouth, channeling the sudden and overwhelming need to bite her and turning it against myself. I felt my teeth pierce the skin on the back of my hand and I groaned against the pain. I quickly licked the crescent-shaped wound and watched as it closed within seconds.

_Dammit. This __is going to be harder than I thought._

I looked at Isabella. She was lying on her side with both of her legs bent towards me and she had a small frown on her face. I reached out and stroked her calf gently and watched her face as the frown disappeared and a look of contentment settled on her features.

"Yes..." she slurred softly, "Oh, yes. Don't stop..."

Every muscle in my body stiffened at her entreaty, and I clenched my jaw against a loud groan.

"Do you enjoy me touching you, Isabella?" I asked quietly.

"Hmmm...yes..."

"Would you like me to keep touching you?"

"Uh huh..."

"Where would you like me to touch you?"

"Everywhere..." she mumbled softly as she rolled onto her back and spread her legs.

_Fuck._

My whole body exploded with lust as my throat roared with blazing pain.

This girl was killing me and she wasn't even conscious. I'd really hate to see what sort of damage she'd cause if she was awake.

The sheet was covering too much of her body, so I grabbed the edge and peeled it down, slowly. It was like unwrapping a present on Christmas morning. A gorgeous, sexy, arousing present that I wanted to hump like a dog in heat.

Gradually, her entire body lay in front of me, covered only by a couple of pieces of flimsy fabric.

She was stunning.

My dick was so hard by now it was almost painful, and I had to take a few minutes to get myself under control before reaching out for her again. This time, I brought both of my hands down to her addictive softness, one on each leg, trailing them up slowly, panting slightly as I skimmed over her knees and reached the warm heaven of her thighs.

"Hmmm...yes...there..."

_You're not wrong. 'There' is exactly where I want__ to be._

Isabella's breathing increased in pace, and as I kept stroking her thighs, small moans escaped her, penetrating every part of me in the quiet, still room. She squirmed under my hands, pushing her hips forward, trying to get me to touch the part of her I was desperate to touch - the part of her I ached to touch but was scared to.

"Please..." she begged, and the need in her voice made my fingers reflexively grip her soft flesh.

"Shit," I hissed softly as I pulled them away. I quickly inspected her skin, searching for bruises, breathing a sigh of relief when I found none.

"Please..." she pleaded again, and her desperate voice made me want to rip her shorts off of her and sink my teeth into her pulsing femoral artery.

I took several breaths, trying to calm the beast inside me who was bellowing for her blood.

"Please..."

Her voice was so small in the quiet room. So needy.

It made me strong.

I leaned forward and reached out toward the crotch of her shorts. I grazed my fingers against the warm, damp fabric, running them along the seam. Isabella pushed down onto my hand, moaning and writhing as she begged me for more.

I took a deep breath, holding her scent inside me as I pressed my fingers against her more firmly. I had very little experience with this type of stimulation, and none at all with human women. I tried to listen to her body...read the signs of her pleasure. Bring her to release.

I circled my fingers gently. She moaned, and I've never heard a more beautiful sound.

I was pleasuring. I was touching and pleasuring her and not killing her.

I felt a thousand feet tall.

I moved faster...harder. Her heartbeat was becoming erratic – thudding and galloping like a herd of wild horses. Her breathing was labored and loud, rasping in and out of her lungs with increasingly loud moans.

"Yes," she hissed in the darkness, "Please...more..."

I groaned as I struggled to give her what she wanted...what she was begging for – without losing my grip on my tenuous control. My venom dripped steadily behind my teeth, and I knew it wouldn't be long before the need to bite her would become overwhelming.

I increased the pressure of my fingers a little more, turning them in tight firm circles as my other hand came up to lightly grip her hip.

"Oh...God...yes," she murmured loudly, "There...ah...right there..."

The venom was flowing faster now, my arousal and her impending orgasm feeding the beast inside me. I could feel him clawing at me, screaming at me to feast on her...to fuck her...to take everything I wanted from her and more.

I clenched my jaw and swallowed, moving my fingers faster, willing Isabella to come quickly before the beast burst out of its cage.

"Can you hear me, Isabella?" I rasped, stroking her frantically.

"Yes," she panted, hitching breaths filling the room as her back arched off the bed.

"I need you to come, Isabella," I ordered. A loan moan escaped her, and her face crumpled in concentration.

"Yes...oh, God...yes."

_Bite her. Feed. Fuck. Do it._

I clenched my teeth, groaning against the pain of denying the beast.

"Come for me, Isabella. Now...please...I can't...God...please...now..."

She cried out in the darkness, her hands slapping the bed loudly as her whole body tensed with the force of her orgasm. She looked incredible. My mouth flooded with venom and I quickly shoved my arm in front of my face, crying out with pain when my teeth clamped down on it rather than her delicate leg. I closed my eyes and grunted as my teeth sank deep into my hard flesh, my arm blazing painfully as wave after wave of venom was pumped into it.

_Thank God it wasn't her_, I kept chanting inside my head as I waited for the bloodlust to fade and my teeth to unlock. _Thank God I didn't hurt her._

I froze there for minutes, one hand still on her trembling body as my other arm took the brunt of the beast's fury.

I could still hear her moaning softly in front of me as I released my jaw and inspected my ravaged, blazing arm.

_Jesus Christ. What a mess._

I licked the wound quickly and lay my arm down on the bed, panting in pleasure and pain as I waited for it to heal.

I looked over at Isabella. She had finally stopped moaning and her face was smooth with contentment.

"Thank you..." she panted as her thundering heart-rate began to slow.

A sharp pang of satisfaction shot through me.

I did it. I touched her – I brought her pleasure – and I didn't lose control. Well, I did, but I managed to not hurt her in the process. It still terrified me to know I couldn't fully suppress my bloodlust around her, but it was encouraging to know I could channel it, even if I was the one who suffered.

Isabella sighed and turned on her side, the most magnificent expression of satisfaction on her face.

"Goodnight, Isabella," I whispered softly, "Sleep well."

I walked over to the window, turning around to take one more glance at her luminescence before returning to the darkness.

I found myself smiling.

I looked down at my arm. It was healing quickly, but it was still going to leave an ugly scar.

I glanced back at Isabella's contented face.

_Totally worth it._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_

* * *

_

**Author's Notes**

**Well, WindowWard**** has taken the first steps to becoming a really creepy blood-thirsty fuck-buddy. Good for him.**

**WindowWard now has his very own thread on Twilighted. Cum say 'hi' if you get the chance -**

**http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=33&t=8152&p=871346#p871346**

**(Don't forget to replace the (dot)s with full-stops.)**

**Please leave WindowWard some love. He's feeling especially emotastic today****.**

**I**** love you all.**

**Kiya x**


	4. Sweet Agony

**Chapter Notes**

**Hello sweet pervs. Welcome to another ****installment of WindowWard's torment.**

**Huge leg-wrap hugs go out to my beautiful Beta-Goddess, Catty-Wan. ****I**** love you and your vengeful loathing of the Smut Fairy.**

**Disclaimer: **** I don't own the Twilight characters. If I did I'd be a squajillionaire and bored out of my mind.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter ****5 – Sweet Agony**

**EPOV**

I'm a masochist.

I'm a masochist who obviously enjoys torturing himself – forcing myself to feel staggering amounts of bloodlust, desire, jealousy, violent fury and blazing hunger all at the same time.

That's the only explanation I have for doing what I was currently doing.

Either that or I had completely and totally lost my mind.

To be honest, either option was possible.

The idiot boyfriend, Jacob, was on top of my Isabella, pushing his inferior body onto her and into her, fumbling and pawing at her glorious physique like he was sexually retarded and making noises so unbelievably aggravating I was tempted to rip my ears off rather than listen to them.

My fingers dug deep furrows in my poor abused tree-companion as I fought the urge to eviscerate him and wear his innards like a scarf.

Goddamn cretin.

Yet I resisted the urge to kill him because at the moment he was offering me something too precious to jeopardize.

A few minutes ago, I inadvertently opened my mind to him, trying to discover how he could be so impossibly clueless when it came to pleasuring a sexual Goddess such as Isabella, and I was instantly pummeled by the mind-blowing sensation of him moving inside of her, feeling her soft body beneath him...around him. Even her lackluster caresses and fake moans were like forbidden heaven to me.

I had been pleasuring her in her sleep for nearly a month now, becoming bolder in testing my limits, pushing myself to touch more of her, defying the roaring beast inside me who continually gnawed at my self-control like a wolverine, slashing at my restraint more viciously with every caress and inch of skin.

So far I'd been successful in resisting his tantalizing cries for blood, and it gave me the confidence to experiment further with her pleasure, always mindful that a single misplaced touch or bite could instantly end her life.

I had explored Isabella's body with the boundless fascination of a scientist, testing different combinations of erogenous zones, trying different pressures with my fingers...my lips...my tongue. Every reaction I drew out of her added another link in the chain of desire that shackled me to her, drawing me back to her night after night, pulling me into her bedroom, dragging me to her glorious body, demanding that I worship it in the only way I could – anonymously, disguised in darkness and dreams.

However, as much as her ecstasy fascinated and satisfied me, I knew there were certain things I could never experience with her, and at the moment Jacob was doing one of them. Although I ached for it more than anything, I knew I could never be inside her like he could. I could never thrust myself into her with wild abandon, feeling the warm divinity of her magnificent body surrounding me...engulfing me...claiming me. It was bad enough that I allowed my dangerously hard fingers and tongue to invade her body. There was no way I would be able to control myself if I ever let my aching erection anywhere near her. I could rupture her fatally in a heartbeat, and that was a risk I was not willing to take.

And so here I was, experiencing her glory the only way I could – by invading the mind of her Neanderthal boyfriend – a sexual simpleton who had no goddamn idea how blessed he was to be granted the slick utopia of her incredible body.

I hated him and envied him and was grateful to him all at once.

Every muscle in my body was screaming and sighing simultaneously – begging for violence, pleading for pleasure, raging in jealousy – taut and poised for any action I decided upon. Of course the result of the tsunami of conflicting desires was that I was rooted helplessly to the spot, paralyzed as I burned and ached and throbbed for some kind of release.

I could feel Jacob nearing his orgasm, and I immediately cut the connection, gasping and clutching at the tree as my knees buckled beneath me. I couldn't cope with the feeling of him spilling inside of her when it was the one thing I longed for so desperately.

I blocked out his thoughts, trying to calm my savage jealousy as he screamed his climax into the night.

"Oh, fuck, yes, Bells, I'm cumming, baby! I'm cumming, baby! I'M CUMMING, BAYBEEEE!"

_Jesus, how did Isabella cope with that? _

He was a child in a man's body, playing grown-up and failing miserably at it. Isabella deserved so much more.

She deserved me.

She deserved the part of me that wanted to satisfy her every whim and desire. The part that wanted to hold and caress her, that could make her body quake with unrivaled pleasure.

Of course that part of me was handcuffed to the blood-thirsty monster who wanted to tear her throat out and gorge itself on her blood, so I guess having me as her boyfriend wasn't really an enticing option after all.

I jumped down from the tree and sprinted into the forest, fulfilling my nightly ritual of hunting before I entered her room. I realized that trying to dissuade my bloodlust by glutting myself on animals was practically pointless against her blood's shattering aroma, but I did it anyway, determined to use every defense possible against the ravenous beast inside me.

Alice told me that the longer I was subjected to her scent, the more desensitized I would become.

So far that hadn't happened.

Her blood still screamed my name, sawing at my self-control like a serrated blade, making me shudder with need. But my desire to keep her whole and healthy tempered my bloodlust, and for the moment I was satisfied with my ability to maintain that precarious balance, despite the fact it was a constant battle.

Luckily for Isabella, it was a battle I considered worth winning.

I quickly tracked a herd of deer and drank my fill, draining three medium-sized animals as quickly as I could, eager to get back to Isabella's window.

My window.

I sprinted back towards the house, slightly high on the balmy euphoria that fresh blood gave me, feeling renewed power and vigor in my muscles, reveling in the sensation of spreading warmth beneath my cold skin.

As usual after I had just fed, I found myself speculating how different Isabella's blood would feel inside me. How it would pulse and dance in my undead veins.

I remembered human blood. The bright spark of it was intensely powerful, and after draining a person I would push aside my crushing guilt for just a few minutes so I could savor the intoxicating pleasure it brought me.

It made me feel bulletproof, potent, and indestructible. It was so vastly superior to animal blood that there was really no comparison.

I could imagine that drinking Isabella's blood would be exponentially better again. I wouldn't just feel indestructible. I would feel like a god.

As seductive as the concept was, I knew I could never do it. The seed Alice had planted in my brain that Isabella might possibly be my mate eclipsed all other concepts. The thought that one day I might be able to have someone by my side to share my involuntary forever was the most compelling fantasy I'd ever had.

Could someone as warm and alive as she was possibly feel anything but revulsion for someone like me? She reacted positively to my body, but would she recoil once she knew what I was? Would I ever have the courage to show her my face in the light?

I sincerely doubted it.

My nocturnal visits may have been sick and perverted, but at least we both got pleasure from them, and in my life, that was enough. Seeing her every night and making her body writhe beneath my fingers satisfied me.

For now.

It gave me purpose and reason. It made me believe, just for a short while, that I was capable of something other than death and destruction. She made me feel more...human.

I could hear Isabella's steady breathing as I approached her house, and I bypassed my beloved tree to leap directly onto the window sill, hovering there for a moment as I double-checked that Jacob had left and Isabella was, in fact, asleep. I took a deep breath of reasonably untainted air before gently sliding the window up and stepping through it, pausing while I let my raging body get used to the shattering redolence of her room.

My nose wrinkled as the stench that Jacob invariably left behind assailed me, tainting her perfect aroma, but still, my body's reaction was powerful and predictable – flowing venom, crawling skin, rock-hard dick. Check, check, and throbbing check.

I stood there and took several steadying breaths, making sure I was fully in control before walking over to the bed.

I could see her body tense as I approached.

She could feel me.

Before I could even lay a finger on her, she knew I was here, and her body reacted in the most delicious ways. Her heart-rate sped up and a gentle blush crept across her body, blood-vessels dilating, pumping sweet-smelling blood just under the surface of her skin. She moaned softly and kicked off her sheets, allowing the scent of her arousal to waft over me.

I looked down on her, trembling with anticipation, helpless and enslaved to the call of her smell and her skin.

"Isabella?"

"Hmmm..."

"Tell me you want me, Isabella."

I reached out and grazed my fingertips down her thigh, swallowing a mouthful of venom as her legs parted for me. Willingly. Wantonly.

"Hmmm...yes...I want you..."

I walked to the foot of the bed, trailing my fingers down to her ankle, touching her as if she were delicate tissue paper, restraining my strength to caress her with the gentlest of touches.

"Tell me that I'm the only one who can make you feel this way," I said softly, licking my lips as I looked down on her lithe form.

_Just me, Isabella__. Not Jacob. Not anyone else. Only me._

"Only you...please...touch me..."

_That's why I'm here._

I reached down and hooked my hands beneath her knees, dragging her down to the end of the bed, her bottom resting on the edge and her feet on the floor. I moved quickly, ridding her of her pajamas before kneeling between her open legs, looking down on her nakedness with glory and wonder. Just the sight of her made me groan.

Her breathing became shallow and fast, and I knew what she wanted. What we both wanted.

I put my hands on her, pausing briefly as I closed my eyes against the fresh onslaught of fire in my throat and venom in my mouth.

Her skin was like paradise to me. Painful, torturous paradise where horror images of ripping skin and sparkling blood coalesced with images of pulsing, desperate pleasure.

Her muscles trembled and twitched under my touch, and when the bloodlust waned, I opened my eyes so I could witness what my touch did to her, so I could behold her magnificent unraveling.

I skimmed my hands up her legs, over her calves and thighs, studying the flickers of desperation and need that flashed across her face.

"You're so warm, Isabella," I groaned as my skin ignited against hers, "Always. So soft and warm and perfect."

I bent down and pressed my lips to her inner thigh, simultaneously inhaling her scent and clamping my jaw shut against the excruciating urge to sink my teeth into her creamy flesh. I froze as I waited for the urge to pass before resuming my progress, kissing her legs, occasionally allowing myself the dangerous luxury of flicking my tongue across her sweet skin.

God, she tasted amazing. She was like an exotic spice, sweet and sultry and utterly addictive. I couldn't get enough of her.

Weeks ago, when I first contemplated putting my tongue on her, I was terrified of the consequences. I had no idea how her skin would react to my venom. Would it burn her?

I had called Carlisle to see if he had any information. He had told me that generally, unless our venom was injected directly into the bloodstream, it was essentially harmless to humans. That little gem of information made me happier than I had any right to be. The day he told me was the first time I tasted Isabella's skin, and now I physically ached for it.

I trailed my tongue across her inner thigh and chuckled as her back arched off the bed.

"You're always so eager, Isabella...so responsive...and yet, I've never heard these noises come out of you when your heaving oaf of a boyfriend is touching you. Why is that?"

I didn't really expect her respond. I knew the answer. Apart from the fact that Isabella and I shared a strange empathetic sexual chemistry, Jacob was simply the wrong man for her. It was like he existed on an entirely different sexual frequency, and no matter how hard he tried to be in tune with Isabella's body, he failed. Every time.

I was not only in tune with her body, I was broadcasting on a satellite dish the size of Brazil. There was no way the man-boy could compete with me.

I continued pressing my mouth to Isabella's warm skin, stroking her legs with my hands as I moved to the juncture at the top of her legs, kissing all around the delicate flesh, circling her...teasing her.

"Oh...God..." she moaned, and I couldn't help a self-satisfied chuckle.

"He can't do this to you, can he?" I said smugly, "He can't make your body sing like I can."

Her pelvis pressed toward me and I couldn't resist any more. I covered her with my mouth, growling as my tongue came in contact with her sweetness, the taste of her demolishing me one delicious lick at a time.

"Oh...fuck...yes," she groaned into the darkness.

God, I loved it when I made her curse. My erection was aching and demanding release, but wild horses couldn't drag me away from my current activity.

"My God, Isabella," I groaned as I pulled back to look at her, "you taste so much better than you smell, and you smell absolutely incredible. I will never get tired of how you feel on my tongue."

I went back to licking her, one hand drifting down to squeeze my erection as the other hand lifted her thigh over my shoulder, opening her even further to me as she moaned and grasped the sheets in her tight fists.

"Please," she pleaded, panting heavily, "Please...give me more..."

Hearing the desperation in her voice slayed me. She could ask me to rip off my own arm in that voice and I'd happily comply.

"Isabella," I groaned, "You have no idea what it does to me when you beg. Do it again."

I trailed my hands up her thighs, barely touching her, steeling my resolve for what I was about to do.

Suddenly, her hand whipped out and grasped mine.

I froze in shock as her warm fingers wrapped around my cold ones, pulling my hand up her body to where she wanted it, pressing it against her desperately, urging me inside.

"I need you," she begged, her voice strained and urgent. "Please...I need to feel you inside me..."

_Jesus__._

Her need plowed through me, igniting me so my need matched hers. I needed to pleasure her, to satisfy her. I needed to bring her the release she so desperately craved.

I steadied myself, reining in my lusty enthusiasm as I gently...ever so gently pushed my fingers inside her.

_Sweet __heaven._

I closed my eyes and just breathed through the glorious sensation of her surrounding me.

So soft. So very, very soft.

I started moving my fingers slowly, monitoring every ounce of pressure I was putting on her delicate flesh. I curled my fingers inside her, finding the spot that elicited the world's most delectable moans.

As if on cue a loud groan burst out of her, and I could feel her tense around me, her face frowning and expectant, her body coiling like a spring.

"Yes, Isabella," I rasped as I watched her in rapt fascination, "Moan for me...tell me what I do to you. Describe your pleasure."

"Oh...God," she groaned as I moved faster, and I echoed her desire, my body tensing and tightening, contracting in response to her impending release. "Oh, fuck...yes...please...I'm so close...keep going...please...ah...Jesus, yes!"

I added a fraction more pressure, knowing she was teetering on the edge. I moaned as I brought my mouth back down to her astounding sweetness, guarding my teeth as I sucked and licked her. I was rewarded with the incredible sensation of her muscles quivering as she moaned through her orgasm.

"Oh...fuck...yes!"

I kept moving my fingers as her whole body tensed, her head pushing back strongly in the pillow as she gasped and spasmed.

I'd never seen anything more magnificent in my whole existence.

"Yes, Isabella," I sighed in satisfaction, "That's it. Let the pleasure take you. You're so magnificent when you come – primal and radiant."

She continued to writhe as the last pulses of her orgasm rocketed through her, her heart pounding fast and heavy, her blood exploding through her veins, causing my mouth to fill with venom and a low growl to rumble out of me.

Instinctively I brought my forearm up to my face, groaning as the overwhelming urge to bite her was circumvented by my teeth sinking into my own flesh. My body and mind was bombarded with cyclonic waves of conflicting desires. My throat burned as venom pumped into my blazing arm, and the ravenous hunger inside me screamed in frustration because I was denying it the glory of the blood pumping mere inches away from me. My dick throbbed desperately as Isabella's orgasm faded, but deep down inside me, a small kernel of satisfaction swelled with pride that I had once again brought this magnificent creature pleasure without spilling an ounce of her precious blood.

Finally, my jaws unlocked and I collapsed back onto my heels, gasping with relief and pain as I saw a look of supreme contentment settle on Isabella's beautiful face.

"I knew it would be like this with you," I panted quietly, stroking her leg gently with the hand that wasn't currently being engulfed by fire from my venom, "from the very first moment I caught your scent, I knew you had ruined me for anyone else. And I knew you would feel it too. I don't know why but our bodies call to each other, Isabella, beckoning us to be together. It's inevitable - fated. "

She sighed deeply, her body becoming heavy with satisfaction, her face turning towards me as I whispered thoughts that she'd never really hear, admitting things that shamed me to reveal in the light.

"But I can't have you in the daylight, so I'll settle for being with you in the darkness, grasping at you in the shadows where I can touch you and taste you without you running from me."

She sighed again, a breathy contented sound that briefly made me forget about the acid flames eating at my body. I stood and scooped her up in my arms, placing her back under her sheets, naked and beautiful in the ghostly half-light.

"Sleep now, Isabella."

"Thank you," she muttered lazily as unconsciousness finally took her.

"You're welcome," I whispered as I bent to brush my lips across her forehead.

It was such a simple gesture, a gentle hush of my lips on her skin, but at that moment a knot of emotion stirred inside me, fixing me to the spot, forbidding me to step away.

Suddenly, I didn't want to crawl back out the window into the night. I wanted to stay with her, breathing in her air, warming my skin with hers.

Obviously some part of her unconscious brain wanted the same thing because as I reluctantly started to retreat, her hand reached out and grabbed my shirt.

"No...stay," she slurred, barely audible.

She tugged weakly at my shirt and although the pressure was barely enough to stretch the fabric, in my mind it was as inexorable as a steel cable.

I lay down beside her, gently pushing my arm under her head. She automatically turned her body to mine, one arm draping over my chest and settling her hand over the silent cavity of my heart.

I closed my eyes and imagined that she knew I was there. That she consciously chose me, and wanted to be with me.

I sighed and pulled her closer to me, determined to ignore my gnawing hunger and steal as much time as possible with her before the lightening grey of morning forced me to leave.

Two hours.

Two hours to a vampire is nothing. It's a millisecond. A brief flicker of movement on the giant clock hands of eternity.

However, two hours lying next to the woman whose blood was made for me, whose smell dredged up the most compulsive and primal desires I've ever had, was the equivalent of several tortured lifetimes.

I lay there, muscles locked in desperate inaction as images of what my inner beast would like to do to Isabella blasted through me.

She had snuggled into me, her head on my chest, her hand intermittently clutching and releasing my shirt, making the skin beneath it blaze and prickle under her touch. Her warm, sweet breath surrounded me, making every part of me scream out for her.

I clenched my hands so savagely that my fingernails broke through the skin on my palms, and even then, the pain it caused couldn't distract me from the all-consuming hunger that shrieked through my body like a crazed psychopath.

And yet, there was nowhere else in the world I would rather be right now.

God, I was so screwed.

It was getting overwhelming. My control was slipping, slowly and surely. Every swallow of venom dragged me closer to doing whatever it took to quench the inextinguishable fire in my throat and gut, and to make matters worse, Isabella could feel it too.

She was moving against me, groaning and growling in time with the dark, feral images slithering through my brain, playing out the torture of my mind in her unconscious body.

I had to go. I couldn't let myself affect her like this. She should never have to experience this kind of torment. It was bad enough that I had to endure it. I was redefining the zenith of selfishness by staying beside her and forcing her to feel my agony.

_Oh, who do you think you're kidding, Cullen? Part of you is desperately holding onto the bleak hope that she will choose this lifestyle one day so you can walk off into the undead sunset with her. She'll have to endure it then whether she likes it or not._

I squeezed my eyes shut, as if that could block out the reality of my darkest fantasy.

I had vowed never to change a human, knowing what hell awaited them when they turned, and yet I couldn't deny that part of me didn't care, that I wanted...no..._needed_ Isabella to share my anguish. Never before had I seriously contemplated drawing someone else into my twisted existence, but with her...the possibility was never far from my mind.

I was officially the world's biggest asshole.

I unlocked my muscles and rolled Isabella away from me, easing myself off the bed carefully and standing above her.

A frown formed on her face as her hands moved over the now-empty bed, searching for me, finding nothing and tightening in frustration.

_I'm sorry, Isabella. I'm not strong enough. I'll try harder tomorrow night._

I felt something underfoot and picked up her discarded pajamas, bringing them to my face and inhaling their excruciating musk one last time before dropping them back to the floor. The crotch of my pants tightened instantly.

I groaned in disgust as my inner perv urged me to steal them. That way I could keep her scent with me and abuse myself during the daytime hours as well.

Apparently I had nothing better to do with my time than obsess over a beautiful girl and whack off. Obviously I was hitting puberty ninety years later than every other man on the planet. Excellent.

I kicked the pajamas away from me and moved towards the window.

As much as I wanted to stay, it was just too hard, for both of us. Her blood was lacerating me and in turn, my agony was empathetically torturing her. It was one giant cycle of pain and I had to break it.

I had one leg out of the window when Isabella started to scream - a wild, tearing shriek that ripped from her chest and made my skin crawl. In a flash I was beside her, stroking her face and trying to calm her down, grateful that her father was working the night shift and didn't hear the sound of his daughter screaming blue murder.

"Ssshh, Isabella," I whispered as the scream continued, churning my guts with its intensity, "You're fine. It's just a dream. Ssshhh..."

I kept stroking her face, trying to soothe her rapidly overheating skin with my cool fingers.

She sat up suddenly, gasping for air and grabbing for me.

Before I knew what was happening, her hand reached out and cupped my face at the same time as her eyes flew open.

_Oh, Jesus. _

_She's awake. _

_She's awake and looking right into my eyes._

Panic overtook me, and in a millisecond I was out the window and into my tree, pure pounding terror thundering inside me as I gripped the rough bark and pressed myself back into the inky shadows.

_She saw me._

_Jesus Christ, how could I be so damn stupid?_

_Every other night I pleasured her and left. _

_Quick. Easy. Simple._

_Then tonight I let the gravity of my loneliness convince me to stay with her, and look what happens. She saw me. She saw me and now everything is ruined._

_Fuck_.

Isabella's bedroom light switched on, and I could see her gasping and looking around frantically. Her eyes flickered to the open window and I pressed myself even further into the darkness. She walked over to it, gloriously and unashamedly naked, placing her hands on the sill and looking out into the night.

"Hello?"

I swallowed heavily.

_Hello, Isabella. I'm Edward. I pleasure you nightly and fantasize about drinking your blood. How are you?_

She shook her head and laughed, moving away from the window as she muttered, "Fucking hell, Swan, you are really losing your mind, aren't you?"

I smiled at her self-deprecation.

_I've lost my mind too, Isabella. See? We're perfect for each other. Please let me bite you._

I watched as she collected her pajamas from the floor and started to pull on her t-shirt.

I exhaled an enormous sigh of relief.

_That was close. I can't afford to be so careless again._

Suddenly she ripped off the t-shirt and held it to her face, inhaling deeply. She pulled it away and looked at it incredulously before sniffing it again.

_No, no, no, no..._

"He's real," she whispered in disbelief.

...

...

...

I stalked through my vast, empty house like a caged animal, furious with myself for allowing her to see me, for robbing myself of the chance to continue seeing her.

_Stupid, Cullen. Selfish and careless and stupid._

_What are you going to do now?_

_You can't go back there. She'll be sleeping with one eye open from now on. She's probably keeping her father's shotgun beside her bed so she can blast your face off next time she sees you. And you know what? You deserve it. Idiot._

I bounded up the stairs to my bedroom, ripping off my shirt as I went, pausing briefly to savor the faint hint of her smell lingering in the fabric before throwing it into the hamper. As usual my whole body exploded in response – muscles tightening, jaw clenching, venom dripping.

I wrenched off my shoes and socks and threw them into my closet, slamming the doors so violently the wood splintered and cracked.

_Great. Another reason for Esme to kick my ass._

I sat on the edge of my leather couch, dropping my head into my hands and tugging angrily on my hair as I tried to comprehend the consequences of my stupidity.

I couldn't touch her anymore.

I couldn't crawl into her room every night and satiate one small fraction of my desire for her.

I couldn't watch her face as my fingers brought her to release.

"ARRRRGGH!"

I flopped back into soft leather, dropping my head back as I scrubbed my face with my hands in frustration.

I could still smell her on my fingers.

_Jesus Christ._

My body was already blazing, but smelling her sweet musk threw gas on the inferno.

I wrenched open my jeans, pulling them and my boxers off quickly before settling back into the leather and closing my eyes.

My dick had been hard and aching all night, and I figured that fucking my hand was probably a better option than relieving my frustration by further destroying Esme's precious house.

As soon as my hand closed around my erection, a favorite fantasy sprang to life behind my eyes.

Isabella was here, in my room. Naked and wanting me. She looked at me with unbridled desire, like I was magnificent. Perfect. She walked towards me slowly, grazing her hands over her breasts and stomach.

"Edward," she breathed as she sank to her knees in front of me, "I've been waiting for you. It's always been you. Even before I met you. Always."

_God yes. I'm the one. The only one who burns like this for you. The only one who is consumed and incinerated by you. Touch me. Please...please touch me._

She looked at me with raw, animal need...pressing her soft lips to my thighs, brushing her hands over my blazing cold skin, fulfilling every single expectation of how having her hands on me would make me feel.

My throat burned, but the pain was dwarfed by the roaring ache in my loins. I gripped myself harder, the pulsing need inside me growing stronger with every pass of my fingers over the engorged muscles.

I groaned as the image of her lowering her mouth around me synchronized with my hand moving firmly up and down my length, pumping the hard flesh as I fantasized about warm lips and soft tongue.

_Yes, Isabella. God. Just like that. _

She gripped the base of my arousal and stroked me as her warm, wet mouth enveloped me.

_I know this c__an never happen, but dear God, I want it to. I ache to feel you take me into your mouth, your soft throat dragging me towards ecstasy._

I squeezed my eyes tighter and tried to imagine it was her hand and not my own moving over my desperate flesh, squeezing and stroking as jolts of pleasure started building up inside me.

_S__he's so beautiful. So warm. So soft._

I moved my fist faster, picturing Bella's face as my building orgasm was echoed in her, her eyes widening, searching out mine as the coiling tension in my muscles was reflected in her body.

"Isabella...God, yes. Oh, Jesus...Isabella..."

She panted and moaned as all my muscles tightened, my abdomen contracting and trembling as I thrust myself desperately into my hand. Her hand.

"Come for me, Edward," she whispered breathlessly, and that was all I needed to unravel completely. The razor-wire of tension inside me snapped, releasing blasting shards of pleasure that tore through me.

I let out a massive groan as I came furiously, tension and frustration streaming out of me in excruciating bursts, taking the edge off the crawling unease that had been infesting me since Isabella had seen me.

Sharp points of light exploded behind my closed lids, but all I could see was her face – smiling and radiant – looking at me with such...satisfaction. I could imagine that was how I looked after I had brought her to orgasm.

"Jesus Christ," I panted as the fantasy evaporated and I opened my eyes to an empty room.

Alone again.

As usual.

I slumped heavily into the soft leather as the remnants of my orgasm shuddered through my body, and then I reluctantly padded into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

I cringed slightly as I stepped beneath the spray and lathered up, realizing that I was washing her scent off me, perhaps for the last time.

My stomach churned at the thought, and my mind raced, desperate to find some solution to the unacceptable situation I found myself in.

I came up with nothing

I gripped the faucet viciously as I turned it off, swearing quietly as I realized that my fingers had left indentations in the shiny chrome.

_Dammit, Cullen, would you stop it? Esme is going to kill you when she sees all this damage._

I grabbed a towel and dried myself roughly before pulling on some boxers and flopping back down onto the couch, throwing an arm over my eyes and wishing for the innumerable time in my existence that I could sleep and block out the world for a few short hours.

I had no idea what I was going to do.

I couldn't risk her seeing me again, and yet I knew with no doubt or uncertainty that I couldn't stay away from her. I'd only been away from her for an hour and already my anxiety levels were going through the roof.

I needed to do something. I just had no idea what.

I started pacing, briefly noting that the orange-grey streaks of dawn were slowly crawling over the horizon.

A new day.

Another opportunity for God to screw me mercilessly.

Excellent.

My muscles burned as I ran, pushing my body through the dense undergrowth like it wasn't even there. I could feel branches and leaves snatching and grabbing at me as I passed, catching and tearing my clothes but I didn't care. I only cared about one thing at the moment.

Her.

My screaming body didn't matter.

My torn clothes didn't matter.

My roaring hunger didn't matter.

I just needed to get back to her. Now.

Every second that passed without her scent in my nostrils was a second too damn long.

Three days I had lasted without her. Three days of roaming the forests of southern Canada like a deranged madman, alternating between fits of pathetic self-loathing and violent frustration. I left a trail of destruction in my wake, feeding ferociously, taking out my ire on trees and boulders and anything else that got in my way as I tried to rampage Isabella out of my system.

It was useless.

Nothing distracted me. Everything annoyed me.

I wanted her and everything that wasn't her was simply aggravating.

Well, no more.

I needed to see her. To smell her.

Even if she doesn't see me, I need to be in her presence.

My body exploded with fresh vigor at the thought and my legs propelled me faster than I had ever gone before.

I blazed with anticipation; a deep, clawing compulsion yawning inside me like a hungry bear. The decision to not deny myself any longer made me dizzy...buoyant, and I leapt a wide river easily, barely breaking my stride as I landed lightly on the other side.

I knew I should stop and feed, but I couldn't. The overwhelming compulsion to see her wouldn't let me. A steel cable of need had attached itself to my chest and was dragging me back to her.

I laughed as I ran.

What would she think if she knew how much of a slave I was to her? Women like dedicated men, right? They like to know they're the most important thing in a man's world. Of course, my level of dedication was more akin to deranged stalking and most people would have probably slapped me with a restraining order by now...if they could find me of course.

I wondered idly if she had been trying to find me. Had she told her father about me? Her boyfriend? Had she confided to anyone that a strange man had been in her bedroom?

I hoped not. I hoped that I wouldn't arrive at her house and find a lynch mob with flaming torches and pitchforks, although knowing my luck, that's exactly what I'd find.

I blasted through the woods, recognizing the familiar landscape of Forks, and I silently rejoiced that I would soon see her.

I slowed my pace as I came closer to her house, a dizzying flood of relief washing over me as I picked up the first hints of her scent. I gulped down huge lungfuls of air, savoring every sweet stab of sensation that lanced through me.

I moved towards my tree, feeling a strange sense of home settle over me as it came into view. I patted its trunk affectionately as I heard voices coming from the kitchen.

_Isabella._

Her voice invaded my brain and I moaned quietly as my body roared with desperation.

I knew she was downstairs, but before I saw her I needed to do something.

I quickly leapt up to her window and stepped inside, closing my eyes as I drew in a gut-wrenching breath of her undiluted scent.

"Oh, dear God," I murmured as I fell to my knees, my body quaking violently as the tectonic plates of everything she meant to me rumbled into a new position.

I sat there and tried to breathe steadily. I failed miserably.

My throat was so swollen with need I could barely swallow. Venom flooded my mouth over and over again as images of her, naked and throbbing with sweet blood rocketed through my brain.

It was the most devastating torment I had ever experienced.

I'd really missed it.

Taking one more unsteady breath I rose to my feet.

I walked over to her unmade bed and looked at it like it was a shrine.

As I listened I could hear Isabella's voice rise in anger.

"_Jacob Black, you know I hate crowds, you know I hate loud music, you KNOW I fucking hate fairytales – now explain to me why the hell you thought this would be a good idea on any level?"_

_Poor Jake. Still unable to please your woman, huh? So sad._

I hesitated for a second before lying face down on Isabella's bed, stretching my body over the spot where her body usually lay while I grasped her pillow and shoved my face into it. My whole body blazed with desire and I moaned as I ground my erection into her scent-soaked mattress.

_Ahhh! Heaven._

My creepy stalker moment was cut short when I heard Jacob's voice ring out, hard and angry.

"_Because, Bella, I wanted to take my girlfriend out and do something interesting and fun. I wanted to get us out of this goddamn house for once and go somewhere we've never been before. I KNOW you don't like crowds or dressing up or loud music, but guess what? I do. I've spent two fucking years doing things you want to do. How about you park your fucking selfishness for five seconds and do something I want to do?"_

In a flash I was standing outside the kitchen window, trying to find reasons why I shouldn't fucking rip his head off for talking to her like that. A blast of his aggravating stench hit me and my fury boiled even further. I wanted to tear his throat out so desperately I could almost taste it.

My fists balled at my sides as I watched Isabella's beautiful face flicker with pain and disappointment, before she apologized to him.

I grunted in frustration.

_Don't apologize to him! He's an idiot. A clueless oaf who's so incredibly unworthy of you, it boggles my mind why you allow him to even stand in your presence._

Apparently he took her apology as an open invitation to molest her because in a flash he had her pushed up against the kitchen counter, kissing her sloppily and crushing his huge body to hers.

_Bastard.__ Don't fucking touch what's mine._

Jealousy blasted through me like napalm, crawling across my usually cold skin and making me burn with fury.

He lifted her up and clumsily put her on the table, pawing at her with his huge unskilled hands as he rubbed himself against her like a filthy dog. Isabella mumbled some completely unconvincing encouragement to him and my anger flared again.

_How c__an she lower herself to let him touch her like that when she KNOWS how unsatisfying it is? How much more her body is capable of feeling? With me. Only ever with me._

I was so distracted by my rage and the infuriating noises coming out of Jacob that I didn't realize I had moved forward until I looked up to see Isabella's shocked eyes locked onto mine.

_Dammit all to hell! Not again!_

I jumped up into the nearest tree, digging my fingers into the hard wood as I cringed in frustration.

_Seriously, Cullen. You can NOT be THAT goddamn clueless. Part of you wants her to see you. Don't even think about trying to deny it._

Isabella burst out of the house and scanned the woods, looking for me, calling out for me, her idiot boyfriend not even an afterthought as she searched for the person she really wanted touching her.

I wanted...no, I _needed_ to be the one touching her.

"Hello?" she called desperately.

I wanted to answer her. If I thought for one second that I could go to her – show her my face and have her not turn away in horror – I would. As it was I clung to the tree and pressed my forehead into the rough bark, grateful for the pain it brought me.

Eventually she relented and let Jacob lead her back inside.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

Keeping myself away from her was exhausting.

I stayed there for a few minutes, listening as she wheeled out the migraine excuse again and sent Jacob on his way. Knowing that he wouldn't be accosting her tonight at least gave me some small feeling of relief. If I couldn't do it, then he sure as hell shouldn't be able to either.

I dropped out of the tree and walked into the woods, thinking I had time to quickly hunt before coming back to watch Isabella sleep. I resigned myself to the fact that I was once again banished to my tree. Two close calls in a matter of days was enough for me. Perhaps one day I would be ready to face her, but not today.

I was a few hundred yards away from the house when I heard it – clumsy footsteps moving behind me...following me.

I sniffed the air.

It was her.

Panic flew inside my chest like a startled bird. I couldn't let her see me. I wasn't ready. I hadn't hunted. My clothes were ripped and torn, and I was caked in dirt and blood. I looked like something out of a horror movie.

Let's face it, I _was_ something out of horror movie. There weren't too many romantic comedies made about vampires.

I moved faster, trying to leave her behind, but I could still hear her, stumbling through the darkness, her breathing excited and uneven as she followed my path unerringly.

My anger flared.

_What the hell d__oes she think she's doing? She has NO IDEA who she's chasing into the dark, isolated woods. What if I was a serial killer who wanted to rape and murder her?_

_Um...strike that._

_What if she got lost? What if my control snap__s and I hurt her? _

_Dammit. D__oes she have absolutely no sense of self-preservation AT ALL?_

I strode back towards her, determined to at least lead her out of the woods and make sure she made it home in one piece.

Suddenly I heard her cry out.

I rushed towards her instinctively, desperate to see if she was all right.

Bad move.

She was bleeding.

As soon as I caught her scent, I froze. The devastating power of her blood slammed into me like a nuclear shock-wave, ripping away all my good intentions in a second and leaving behind only a slavering, ravenous beast, gnashing at the few threads of self-restraint that tethered me to the spot, frantically gripping the last few grains of my humanity.

A low predatory growl ripped out of me.

The night noises around me were instantly silenced.

Every creature nearby knew that I was about to lose control. Every creature except the beautiful brunette who was now running her delectable tongue across her bleeding palm.

She looked around, searching the darkness for me. I stood perfectly still, pushing down the overwhelming compulsion to grasp her hand and bring her oozing wound to my hungry mouth.

I wouldn't kill her. I'd just suck her blood. For a few hours.

"I know you're there," she called nervously.

_You have every right to be nervous, Isabella. I'm craving your blood so fiercely I can almost feel the coppery taste of it on my tongue. If you know what's good for you, you'll turn and run, and if you're very, very lucky, I won't chase you._

"I know you're real," she called, defiantly, "I saw you."

_No. You saw a pair of eyes. You saw a shadow. A phantom. You didn't see the real me. If you did, you wouldn't have chased me into this seductively secluded location._

"You've got a hell of a nerve coming into my bedroom like that. My father is the fucking Chief of Police in case you didn't know."

I couldn't help the chuckle that rumbled out of me. She was so incredibly feisty, even when her life was hanging by a thread.

"As if he could stop me," I responded, automatically circling her...stalking her.

Her head snapped around, pinpointing the direction of my voice. I immediately dashed to another location.

"Who are you?"

_I'm death, Isabella. I'm a destroyer of life. A parasite who needs to kill to live._

"You don't want to know," I replied, fully realizing how incredibly unworthy I was to even contemplate a future with her. It was ridiculous. A pathetic, desperate fantasy.

"I do want to know," she replied softly, "I've never wanted to know something so much in my life."

I felt like I had been hit by lightning.

_She wanted to know me? Impossible._

"If you knew who I was, Isabella, you would run screaming back to your father and pray to God I never came near you again," I said as the painful shards of truth in my words sliced through my persistent hope.

A look of steely determination furrowed her brow.

"You obviously don't know me very well," she challenged, "I don't scare that easily."

_Obviously, otherwise you wouldn't be conversing with a mass murderer in the darkness._

"Oh, I know you, Isabella," I said, remembering her pliant body shuddering beneath my fingers, "I know you better than you know yourself."

Her heart-rate sped up.

_Did she know what I was thinking?_

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

_Apparently not._

I sighed in frustration. I unlocked my muscles and pushed down the beast inside me, searching for the man I used to be, the one who was desperately lonely, and hoped against hope that this remarkable woman might offer me some measure of salvation.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you?" I asked softly, forcing open the cold, rusty locker of my heart for the first time in my existence, "How many years I've longed for you?"

She closed her eyes and swayed slightly, as if my words somehow soothed her.

"Tell me," she whispered.

Those two tiny words exploded in my mind, destroying any and all of my reservations. She wanted to know and I wanted to tell. God, I needed her to know me, even if she rejected me. Even if it was wrong. I needed her to fully understand exactly who I was.

What I was.

"I've been fantasizing about you for decades, Isabella," I said, breathing in her scent with the mossy coolness of the forest, "Dreaming about you, certain that the very idea of you was a myth. That was before you moved here to live with your father, before I saw you for the first time...before I smelled you."

I had heard about Singers many times over the years, but I doubted I would ever meet one, let alone one who called to me.

"Where did you see me?"

"In the mountains. You were hiking with your idiot boyfriend. You came across a meadow and stopped for lunch. My meadow. The one place that calms me."

I hadn't been back there since. I had enough trouble getting pornographic images of Isabella out of my mind without revisiting the place where it all began.

"You were there?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"Watching?"

"Yes."

"Watching as Jake and I..."

"Yes, Isabella."

Her breathing was quickly devolving into shallow, uneven panting.

_Was she appalled at the thought that I watched her, or excited?_

I went on to tell her how I had watched her and Jacob. How magnificent she was. How the sight of her glistening, naked body had affected me. Through it all she listened silently, her ragged breathing and rapid heart-rate the only indication that she was processing what I was saying.

"Eventually I couldn't endure it anymore," I rasped as I recalled how close I had been to ripping out her throat. "I ran for miles until the uncontrollable lust you caused me abated."

I neglected to tell her that I had proceeded to abuse myself shamefully on the shores of Puget Sound and screamed to the sky as orgasmed violently.

"What were you doing there?" she asked, confusion in her voice.

"Hunting."

"It's wasn't hunting season."

A bitter laugh burst out of me.

_If that were true, my life wouldn't be ruled by my omnipresent hunger. _

"Every season is hunting season for me, Isabella."

She gasped slightly.

Did she understand the meaning of the subtext beneath my words? Could she deduce that I wasn't a man to be trusted? That I was a man at all?

She needed to understand, because the thudding of her heart was inflaming me beyond all reason.

"Lord...that sound," I rasped, "That sound makes me want to do unspeakable things to you, Isabella. Do you realize that?"

She frowned slightly.

"What sound?"

I swallowed a rush of venom before I could speak.

"Your heart. The way is sounds right now is exactly how it sounds when my hands are on your body - strong and pendulous and wet."

I could hear my voice darkening with desire, and her racing pulse told me that she had also become aroused.

_Did she remember the feeling of my hands on her skin?_

The sharp tang of her blood invaded me, and I was reminded that she was bleeding. Without realizing it, I started moving towards her.

"You're hurt."

I stopped inhaling, hoping to shut down my body's reaction to her, but really only trapping the sweet agony of her scent inside me.

"I'm fine."

She was nervous. She had good reason to be. I wanted to eat her.

"You're bleeding."

"It's nothing."

I laughed and told her how foolish she was for taking her vibrant, remarkable blood for granted. That I too had been blasé about my mortality until it was ripped from me.

She searched the shadows for me again, but I was determined to not be seen.

"I don't understand," she said to the darkness.

"Good," I said firmly, "you shouldn't."

She should never have to understand the torment I endured on a daily basis.

She swallowed loudly before whispering, "How long have you been coming into my bedroom?"

_And there it is. The question that will expose the vastness of my perversion._

_Well, I'm going to hell anyway. I might as well do it thoroughly._

In a flash I was standing behind her, her hair brushing my throat as a slight breeze wrapped around us.

"Don't turn around," I ordered.

I could feel her whole body tense in front of me, but she didn't turn.

_Good, Isabella. If you do as you're told, we might both get out of here without __me doing something we'll both regret._

"The first night I came to your window was the day I saw you in the meadow," I said softly, trying to resist pushing my nose into her hair and inhaling. "Your scent led me there – pungent and distinctive – chaining me to you like I was your slave, making me grateful for every sweet breath that tumbled out of your lungs as you slept...for every tiny moan and sigh as you dreamed."

She inhaled sharply, "But that was four months ago."

_Four long, torturous months, actually. Months where I went insane with the need to touch you, and now here you are...conscious and warm and close._

I couldn't resist trailing a finger gently up her arm. She gasped loudly but didn't move away.

"Three months, twenty-seven days, and eight hours, actually," I said as calmly as I could, considering an electrical current strong enough to power a small city was transferring from her satin skin into my finger.

I told her how I had graduated from merely watching her, to needing to be closer, surrounded and infused by her scent. I told her how devastated I was the first time I stepped into her room, finally being exposed to her potent, undiluted aroma.

"It pummeled me like a hurricane," I said, being brutally honest, "perfecting me and shredding me at the same time. Demolishing every notion I'd had about myself - disassembling the carefully constructed bricks and mortar of my pointless existence in a single pulverizing blow."

I laid everything out for her, unable to stop the floodgates of truth as my fingers found more of her flesh, lighting a fire beneath my skin.

"I knew then that you had doomed me. Without even knowing it, you had broken the cast-iron will I had been cultivating for innumerable years. My solitude was my armor, and in one fell-swoop you had ripped it from me."

My fingers found her throat, and I was instantly hypnotized by the violent throbbing of her pulse. It was mesmerizing.

I went on to tell her how much I hated her at first for torturing me with her blood and body; how frustrated and jealous I was that she allowed the dim-witted Jacob access to her exquisite anatomy when he was obviously clueless as to what to do with it.

I pulled her hair away from her shoulder, and before I realized what I was doing, my lips were pressing down on her soft skin, a jolt of blazing desire thundering through me as I inhaled sharply.

My entire body was thrumming with lust. She was listening to what I had to say and she wasn't running from me. My hands and lips were on her body and she wasn't cringing in disgust. In fact, her body was thrilling to my touch, her arousal obvious.

Her reaction emboldened me and I dared to wrap one arm around her waist, pulling her back into my body so she could feel how she affected me.

I bit down on my lip as her bottom collided with my erection. I knew she felt it because a low moan came out of her, and suddenly she was pushing herself back into me, grinding against me; circling her hips and causing the beast inside me that wanted to fuck her on the spot to bellow in desperation.

I moaned loudly as I tried to maintain control.

"Stop," I said as I gripped her hips, trying not to be too rough but failing. "Isabella, the smell of your arousal is so strong...so gut-wrenchingly enticing, that you do _not_ want to be doing _anything_ at the moment that challenges my control."

I took a deep breath and pushed down the beast's desires, loosening my hands and hoping to God she realized how fiercely I was trying not to hurt her.

"You have no idea what a dangerous game you're playing here, Isabella," I said, my jaw hard and tense, "If you did, you wouldn't be so blasé about risking your life. Did you even consider the consequences of plunging into the woods alone this evening? Did you think for one second that the man who has been stalking you while you sleep may not be the type of person you should pursue...or be alone with...or rub up against?"

I dropped my head down, suddenly exhausted, and I couldn't help running my nose along her jugular, moaning at the sweet temptation just beneath the surface.

"Did you even consider the possibility that I'm a bad man, Isabella? That I've done vicious, heinous things in my life? That I've destroyed more lives that I can bear to recall? Did none of those things cross your mind before you stumbled into the darkness to find me?"

"You won't hurt me," she said breathlessly, her body tense and stiff beneath my hands.

_Such an unrealistic optimist._

"You don't know that," I whispered into her throat, prickles of need crawling over my skin, "You can't possibly comprehend how delicately your life hangs in the balance whenever you're near me. If you did, you wouldn't still be here."

Her hand came up to cover my own, her warm dry palm covering my cold, dead hand. I gasped and closed my eyes. The feeling was unbelievable.

She was touching me. Without any begging or threatening, she chose to put her hand on mine.

"I trust you," she said with surprising confidence, "You've been coming into my room for months. If you'd wanted to hurt me you could have – many times. You didn't."

I almost laughed at her naiveté.

I didn't dare tell her how many times I had nearly killed her in those few months, how close I was to killing her right now. But I had to make her understand the dangers of being with me, if that's what she ultimately chose to do.

I could feel my control ripping and fraying in ways I couldn't control, and the dark, sadistic part of me wanted me to let go. To stop fighting. To be what I was.

I grazed my hand up her thigh, letting it gently come to rest between her legs. Her heart-rate pounded erratically.

God, I just wanted to rip the denim off of her and touch her velvet softness. My dick throbbed at the thought and my throat ached and burned.

"That doesn't mean you're safe with me, Isabella, or that I should continue my utter stupidity in allowing myself to the luxury of seeing you," I said, trying to keep my strength in check despite the fact that all I wanted to do was crush her to me. "Every second you're with me is a struggle...every touch, a test. If I stop monitoring my urges, even for a second, this situation between us could end very badly."

I was being so intensely careful to control myself, that I was taken aback when she reached behind her and put her hand on my thigh, moving it up to my erection quickly, stroking me though my pants.

_Oh Jesus__!_

"I don't believe that would ever happen," she said confidently as she palmed me firmly.

_Fuck!_

The beast inside me roared to life, growling and tensing as pleasure pounded through me and venom flowed wildly. It only took me a second to have her pushed up against a tree and my hands were itching to shred her clothes so I could fuck away the pain she was causing me. The beast didn't care that she'd crumble under my strength. He didn't care that my mouth was aching for her blood. He didn't care about anything but having her – hard and fast and right the fuck now.

I groaned as I fought the dark desperate urges, and my anger flared because she didn't even have the goddamn presence of mind to be scared of me. Didn't she know what she was dealing with by now?

"What do I have to do to convince you that you shouldn't trust me, Isabella," I snarled, grinding into her, trying to resist crushing her. "Do I have to describe to you how many people I've murdered, ripping their throats out and feasting on them as their last drops of life ebbed out of them and into my mouth? Should I tell you about how every time I'm near you, the perverted, bloodthirsty monster inside me wants to drink you dry and then fuck your lifeless corpse? How does that sound, Isabella? Would _that _be enough to convince you not to trust me?"

I ground my aching erection into her back and she cried out in pain.

Good.

She needed to know what I could do to her, and at the moment I was beyond being able to not hurt her.

_Wake up and smell the murderer, Isabella._

"You have NO idea what I'm capable of, Isabella. NONE. I'm not some nice guy who's going to show up with flowers and chocolates. I'm not going to recite poetry or whisk you away on my white horse. I'm a killer, Isabella...a monster...an abomination, and I have NO right being as selfish as I am and putting you in danger, because when I'm near you, my brain overloads with images of the things I want to do to you, and the things I'm DESPERATE to have you do to me, and not all of them are pretty, and it would take SO little for me to have a moment of weakness and for you to end up dead. So stop being so fucking naïve and start thinking about ways to bar your bedroom window against me, because if you don't, I'm afraid one night I won't be satisfied to only taste your skin, and on that night, you and I will both lose EVERYTHING."

I wrenched myself away from her before my jaws had a chance to clamp down on her neck.

I ran, desperate to get away from her and her body and her scent and the violent images coiling in my mind.

_Goddammit._

I burned and ached. I wanted her. I couldn't have her. I needed her. I didn't deserve her.

I screamed in frustration as I sprinted back to my house, murder and sex and ripping scenes of ecstasy blasting through me like a cyclone.

I exploded through the front door without bothering to open it, my mind and body raging red, hot and unquenchable.

My fists pounded every surface they encountered. Venom sluiced from my snarling lips uncontrollably. My dick throbbed and ached and pleaded for desperate release, and the whole of my body felt like I had been doused in gasoline and set alight.

The rage continued to blast through me as my fists pulverized the granite work-tops in the kitchen, pieces of sharp stone blasting through the air like exploding shrapnel, burying themselves in furniture and plasterboard as I roared and raged uncontrollably.

Finally, the madness subsided and I slumped to the floor, shards of stone crunching beneath me as I dropped my head into my hands, exhausted and totally fucking drained.

I panted and sighed, trying to calm myself. Trying to find the human within the crazed beast.

I tugged on my hair until it hurt. I slowed my breathing. I opened my eyes and saw the mess of destruction I'd just caused.

_Okay._

_So._

_That's how it feels to have a conversation with Isabella._

_On the whole, I think it went well._

_..._

_..._

_..._

* * *

**Author Notes**

**Aw, WindowWard, you sweet, deluded perv.**

**If you're enjoying this fic, please take a moment to leave WindowWard some love. He's desperately needy. Put a smile on his dial.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	5. Halloween Revisited

**Chapter Notes**

**Thank you, my Beta Goddess ****– Irritable_Grizzzly - you are ten shades of awesome wrapped in a blanket of remarkable.**

**Disclaimer: ****I**** don't own the Twilight characters. ****I**** do own an emo-riffic Darkward though and he's more fun to write than is probs healthy.**

**Enjoy.**

**

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**Chapter 5 – Halloween Revisited**

**EPOV**

I had always considered myself to be a rational man. I thought it was one of my strengths.

Even as a human I was methodical...even-tempered. I had an uncanny ability to predict what people were thinking and so, in some small way, I always felt in control of most social situations.

I liked being in control.

I liked being rational.

Vampires, by nature, were not rational. They were instinctual. Supreme predators, using their unparalleled senses to hunt and kill their prey. Their emotions were strong and bestial, driven by desire, unwilling to suffer denial or failure. For the most part they're devoid of human frailties such as compassion and sympathy. They're supremely selfish beings and had no need to be understanding or merciful, content to simply fulfill one desire after another - acting without conscience or consequence.

Most vampires didn't question their existence, or spend hours dissecting the moral dilemma that their primary source of nourishment came from hunting and killing members of a sentient race. They just did what came naturally.

They would spend no more time mourning a human's passing than a human would mourn the death of a cow.

They needed food. Humans provided that food. It was simply the circle of life.

That's why my family was so unique.

They had all made a moral choice to modify their murderous nature. They chose to feed on animals that don't have mortgages and plans for college and pictures of loved ones on their mantles. They refused to give in to the dark, simple desires of the bloodthirsty beast inside them. They had an innate respect for human life and refused to submit to their base, vampiric natures, no matter how much physical or mental discomfort it caused them.

In their own ways, they were all incredibly stubborn asses.

Being a vegetarian vampire wasn't pleasant. It was a life of unending compromise and crawling unease. It was like having constant itch that you chose to never scratch.

It would be so easy to scratch it – to scrape away the interminable, itching craving – but then the itch would be replaced by toxic guilt. The kind of guilt that festered in the dark places of a mind struggling to be so much more than monstrous.

I knew about the guilt. For too many years I scratched my itch.

From the moment I was changed I knew what Carlisle expected of me, and like a typical seventeen-year-old, I rebelled.

As a newborn vampire, the concept of human blood as taboo was inconceivable to me. My body screamed for it. My throat burned for it. The sweet scent of their pulsing arteries was all around me and I was too weak to deny myself. It was like putting a starving man in front of an all-you-can-eat buffet and telling him he could only have tofu. It was ridiculous.

I didn't want the burden of trying to deny my true nature, even if part of me knew I should, and I resented Carlisle for expecting me to.

I told myself I didn't care that his face dropped every time he saw my bright red eyes. I convinced myself that he was being unreasonable to expect me to be anything more than what I was – a killer. A perfectly-designed instrument of murder.

And so I took my position at the top of the food chain and fed, severely disappointing the one person in the world who gave a shit about me.

I strived to live the life of a simple vampire, one unfettered by guilt or conscience, but unfortunately, that was easier said than done. I handpicked humans who I felt didn't deserve to live. Humans that caused more pain and suffering to their own kind than I ever could. Humans that fed on others' misery every bit as viciously as I fed on their blood.

I let the ecstasy of their liquid life numb the pain of my uncomfortable undeath. I binged on them like an alcoholic on booze, deluding myself that I was doing it for the greater good instead of for my own selfish gain.

But as time went on, I could no longer excuse my behavior as the uncontrollable bloodlust of a newborn. As Carlisle changed others to join our family, I saw that it was possible to control the cravings and not give in to the monster within.

Esme did it. Rosalie did it. Hell, even Emmett did it.

They all transitioned into their new life without caving to the bloodlust. Esme had never taken a human life, and although Rosalie had killed several people, it was out of vengeance, not hunger. Emmett had only killed one person. A woman who's blood screamed his name. His singer. As soon as he smelled her he drained her without thinking. Her's was the only human blood he'd ever tasted.

None of them ever went off the rails like I did, and part of me hated them for that.

I hated them because they proved what I knew all along: that it was possible to make rational, moral decisions that overrode the insistent vampiric impulses. It was goddamn difficult to do, but it was possible - if you had the strength.

They all had the strength.

Apparently I didn't.

I killed countless humans for decades and called it justice.

I was deluding myself.

It wasn't justice. It was murder.

When I finally found the courage to be honest with myself, I realized my choice to feed on humans was a punishment. Not for me, but for Carlisle. The rebellious teenager who had awoken into an eternity of hunger and pain wanted to punish the man who was responsible.

I was a fool.

Eventually I admitted to myself that as torturous as I found being a vampire, taking human lives was only adding to my suffering. I grudgingly returned to my family and locked the vicious, instinctual beast in a cage inside me, tempering his desires with the rational, human part of me that resented my bloodthirsty nature.

Carlisle welcomed me with open arms.

I didn't deserve his forgiveness, but I was grateful for it.

I joined my family in the ritual of humanity – living like a family, going to school and college, taking art classes and piano lessons. Trying to appear as we once were.

Alive.

They all managed it better than I, and part of me knew why.

They all had mates.

When a vampire mates, when they find that other missing part of their non-existent soul, suddenly the all consuming need for blood is tempered by the need for their partner. Vampires loved passionately and prolifically, and their libidos were vast and unquenchable. Believe me, I've lived with three vampire couples for decades and I was still waiting for them to stop jumping each other like a bunch of horny teenagers – even Esme and Carlisle. I'd come to accept that it was never going to happen.

Which is why I was currently cursing my current predicament.

I'd found my mate. I couldn't imagine ever wanting another woman except her. Everything about her inflamed and excited me. I needed her just as much as I needed blood, and my desperate compulsion to be with her was the sweetest torture I'd ever felt.

But the rational part of me screamed that it was impossible to be together. We were from different worlds. Hell, we were different species.

She was soft and warm and alive, and had her whole life ahead of her.

I was cold and lifeless, and left death wherever I went.

For once, I didn't want to be rational. I wanted to tell the rational side of me to shut the hell up and sit in the corner. I wanted to let my passionate vampire nature have its way. I wanted to let instinct take over as I sank my teeth into her throat and reveled in her blood. I wanted my venom to pump through her body, stopping her heart and crystallizing her flesh. I wanted her to wake up – reborn – and spend the rest of eternity by my side.

I wanted, I wanted, I wanted.

That was my goddamn problem.

I wanted everything I couldn't have. Everything I _shouldn't_ have.

"Edward? Are you listening to me?"

"Yes, Esme."

And some things I didn't want, I had in abundance. Like my mother yelling at me for thirty minutes for destroying her Italian granite kitchen bench.

"I just don't understand why it had to be the granite, Edward," she said in exasperation. "Any other surface in the entire house could be replaced without me have to import a special shipment from Firenze. But no, you had to choose the rare charcoal granite on which to vent your frustration. Unbelievable!"

"Don't forget I also destroyed the antique white-oak doors that you and Carlisle brought back from China," I said tiredly as I mentally pulled down my pants and waited for the verbal spanking.

"WHAT?" she shrieked with all the subtlety of a sledge hammer. "Dammit, Edward, they were a wedding present!"

I sighed as I heard the disappointment in her voice. I should really have been used to it by now.

"Carlisle! Would you please come and talk to your son? He's out of control."

I nudged the shards of granite still littering the floor with my foot as I waited for my father's voice.

"Edward?"

"Hey, Carlisle."

"What's going on?"

"Uh...I'm not sure but I think Esme's upset with me."

"What gave it away, son? The half-hour lecture on responsibility and respect for inanimate objects?"

"Yes, that and the fact she used my middle name several times. That's always a dead giveaway."

"Yes, well you know how passionate she is about her houses. Can you blame her?"

"No. Of course not."

His voice dropped down to a whisper.

"You realize I'm going to have to yell at you now, right, or my life won't be worth living?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

I heard him take a deep breath before he bellowed, "Edward, your mother worked very hard on that house! The least you can do is take care of it while you're there! Now you're going to pay to have every piece of damage repaired or you and I are going to have a problem. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Carlisle."

He lowered his voice to its normal level. "I'm serious about getting that damage repaired, son. Do it quickly or I'll be hearing about it until you do."

"I understand."

"Now, about the reason for the damage..."

"Isabella?"

"Yes. How's that situation going?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and kicked a piece of granite. It flew across the room and embedded itself in the side of the sofa.

_Shit_.

"Well, I finally talked to her."

"And?"

"And...I had to stop myself from killing her by running away."

"I see," he said thoughtfully. "Not killing her was a positive step."

"I thought so."

"Not so much with the running away."

"It was part of not killing her."

"I understand. Are you going to talk to her again?"

"Well, I'd like to but...she makes it difficult."

"How so?"

I walked over and pulled the granite out of the sofa and threw it back toward the kitchen. It ricocheted off the wall and dented the stainless steel fridge. I dropped my head and sighed.

_Cullen, you are undoubtedly cursed._

"Edward?"

"Yeah...um...Isabella. Well, apart from the unbelievable call of her blood and...uh...body," I didn't really want to tell Carlisle too much about my nocturnal visits to Isabella's bedroom. No matter how much he wanted me to have a mate, I'm sure he wouldn't approve of me pleasuring a semi-conscious girl, "she doesn't have the good sense to be afraid of me. I mean, I was standing there, trembling with the effort to not rip her throat out and drink her dry and she...Jesus...she touched me."

"She touched you? Where?"

"In the woods."

"No, I mean where on your body."

"Oh. On the hand." ..._before reaching around and grabbing my erection._

Just the memory of it made me hard.

I was really starting to tire of the thick ache of my semi-permanent arousal.

I sat heavily in the couch.

"What did you do?"

_Well, dear father, I crushed her against a tree and pressed my erection into her like a common animal before telling her about my murderous nature and abandoning her in the middle of the dark, deserted woods. Aren't you proud of me?_

"Let's just say I didn't handle it well."

He sighed and I could practically hear his brain churning.

"Edward, I realize that this situation is probably...unique...and I can't begin to understand the restraint you must need to be close to this girl, but if she turns out to be your mate, surely it will be worth it."

It was worth it. I knew that unequivocally. I just didn't know if it was possible.

"Carlisle, I want this, more than I've dared to want anything for a very long time. But..."

I sighed.

"But what, son?" he prodded gently.

"Carlisle, after everything I've done. I have so much blood on my hands. I...I just..."

The staggering weight of my inadequacies plunged down on me like cartoon anvil. I had no right to want this. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve her.

More importantly, she didn't deserve me. She was perfect. She didn't deserve a centenarian vampire and recovering blood-aholic stalking her every move. It was just wrong.

"Edward, you can't change your past. No one can. But you can change your future. You deserve to be happy."

I scoffed.

"Do I, Carlisle? Ask the families of all the people I've murdered that question and I think they might have a very different answer."

I heard him sigh and I could almost picture him rubbing his eyes in frustration.

"Edward, the path to redemption depends on knowing how to accept forgiveness."

"Carlisle, God has no interest in forgiving me. He's a sanctimonious prick who's constantly reminding me that I'm a soulless, worthless abomination against nature. Why would he even contemplate forgiving me for my sins?"

He was quiet for a moment and the bitterness of my words hung between us like a veil. Carlisle and I had very differing views on God. I should have learned by now to be more respectful.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, adding another layer of regret to my ever-growing collection, "I shouldn't have said that."

When he spoke again his voice was low and sad.

"Edward, I have no doubt that God has already forgiven you for your sins. His forgiveness doesn't concern me. The person whose forgiveness you need to earn is your own. And, son? If you could see yourself as I see you, then you would realize that despite your mistakes, you are worthy of so much more than you give yourself credit for."

I closed my eyes as a knot of emotion tightened inside me. After all this time he still had so much faith in me. I had no idea why he did, but I loved him for it.

"Thank you, Carlisle."

His warm chuckle made me smile.

"Just doing my job, son. So what are you going to do about Isabella?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and looked around the house.

Jesus, I really had some work to do.

"I have no idea. I think I'm going to continue to try and not kill her and take it from there."

"Sounds like a solid plan. I hope it all works out for you."

"Me too."

I spent the next few days thinking about what Carlisle had said and desperately trying to ignore the clawing need for Isabella that had infested my body like a plague of termites.

It wasn't just that I missed the gut-wrenching torture of her scent and irresistible call of her skin. It was deeper than that. When I wasn't with her, there was a restless prickling inside of me - a raw, all-pervading feeling of...wrongness.

For all my years of solitude I was suddenly uncomfortable with my own company. The dull ache of my hunger, when not elevated to unbearable heights by her scent, was foreign and strange. Everywhere I looked I saw flickering mirages of her face and body. The empty spaces of my bedroom suddenly seemed lonely and barren without her, even though she'd never set foot in my house.

My imagination kept projecting her into my world – sitting on my couch, flicking through the bad poetry and self-flagellating ramblings of my journals. Standing in front of my stereo, examining my vast and varied library of music. In front of my window, looking out onto the woods as I studied the perfection of her profile.

But she wasn't in any of those places, and the house seemed to cry out for her warmth – impatient with her absence.

Of course it could have just been me.

After two nights without her I felt like I was losing my mind. As soon as night fell on the third night, I raced to my tree, leaping up into its damaged branches as a thick knot of anticipation settled in my chest.

_There she was._

She was on her bed reading, the window wide-open despite the distinct chill in the air.

As soon as my eyes washed over her, the air in my lungs gushed out and a quiet, relieved sigh tumbled out of me. I breathed in, greedily searching for the familiar torture of her scent. I wasn't disappointed. Sharp needles of gasping need blasted through me like shrapnel, ripping out the intense wrongness of not being with her, like rotting pieces of fabric.

I growled involuntarily as venom flooded my mouth, my throat instantly blazing with desperate acidic hunger. I had stupidly forgotten to hunt, but there was nothing I could do about that now. I was here. She was here. God himself couldn't drag me away.

As I watched, she hugged herself restlessly, changing positions often and fiddling with her hair and the hem of her t-shirt. Her legs moved constantly, her toes clenching and stretching rhythmically, her whole body tense and impatient.

I ached to go to her, to calm her with my cool fingers, to satiate my clawing need with the silky warmth of her skin, but I lacked the courage.

She knew I was real. I could no longer crawl into her bedroom like a wraith; and without my cloak of anonymity I had lost the ability to be bold.

I laughed at the irony of my cowardice.

As a vampire, I was practically indestructible. My skin was mostly impervious to harm, and my speed and strength put me beyond the realm of most forms of physical damage. I doubted Isabella could hurt my body even with an arsenal of conventional weapons.

But my heart?

That was a very different matter.

With a single word, Isabella could drive a stake into the brittle organ inside my chest, and the thought of that happening turned my veins to ice.

I wanted her so badly that the thought she might not want return my feelings was abhorrent to me.

Still, I made a decision that I would not touch her again without her knowledge. I owed her that. No matter how satisfying we both found my night-time 'attentions,' I owed her more than my faceless pawing. The next time I laid my hands on her, she would be conscious. She would know it was me.

I just needed time to brace myself against her possible reaction.

So I spent the next few nights watching her, sitting in my tree as the rain tumbled around me, wanting to be with her but not having the backbone to risk rejection.

Each night she spent a few minutes glaring out into the darkness. I liked to think she was looking for me - willing me to come to her and hold her and give her pleasure - but let's face it, I was a lonely, deluded pervert. Of course I would think that.

As the days wore on I could see my growing agitation mirrored in her. I was a junkie and her skin was the drug I craved. Just looking at her filled me with such raw bestial need I would growl whenever I saw her. The monster in me didn't understand why he couldn't have her. He didn't care about my rational arguments regarding restraint and consent. He didn't care about my cautious heart.

He wanted her. Every part of her. Constantly and desperately.

I was coming apart at the seams and the monster was simply waiting for his turn in the driver's seat.

The night before Halloween, she was the most agitated I had seen her. She stomped around the house furiously, slamming cupboards and drawers and sighing in exasperation. She groaned loudly when the phone rang and I had a pretty good idea why.

It was Jacob.

"Hey, Bells, ready for tomorrow night?"

She sighed again and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, sure, Jake. It's going to be great."

She was an appalling liar.

"I picked up our costumes today." He chuckled and my jaw clenched reflexively. "You are going to look so damn hot."

_She looks hot all the time, idiot. I seriously doubt a costume chosen by you could improve on that._

"Awesome," she said as she stood in front of the window and rested her forehead on the frame.

"So, what are you doing?" Jacob said, his very clear subtext being, "May I come over and put my clueless dick in your vagina?"

"Uh, nothing," Bella replied, screwing up her eyes and rubbing them, "I'm going to bed early. I want to be well-rested for our date tomorrow."

_Liar_.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come over? I could help...uh...put you to sleep."

_Yes, Jacob, with your personality and lack of sexual skills I'm sure she'__ll be asleep in minutes._

"Ah, not tonight, Jake."

"Okay. Had to try. I miss you, baby."

"I miss you, too."

_There she goes, lying again._

I was surprised her pants didn't burst into flames.

She hung up and went to the bathroom to shower, emerging a few minutes later in just a towel.

She smelled magnificent.

Her face was dark and angry as she glared out the window. I guess talking to Jacob really pissed her off.

Good.

"Where are you?" she seethed under her breath.

I nearly fell out of the tree.

_Was she talking to me?_

_She must be talking to me. I'm the only one here._

I concentrated on her face as she continued to scowl into the darkness. I desperately wanted to know what she was thinking. Her eyes were fixed exactly where I was perched, and even though I knew she couldn't possibly see me, my cold skin felt the warmth of her gaze.

Suddenly she turned and walked to her bed, pulling back the sheets and dropping her towel, giving me a tantalizing glimpse of her glorious nakedness before quickly crawling beneath the covers.

I watched as she moved and squirmed, her eyes closing as a look of supreme concentration settled on her face.

She started to moan.

_Dear God._

She was touching herself.

_Would it be strange if I __bounded through the window and offered to take over?_

I felt myself stiffen as I shamelessly intruded on her private moment. Surely she knew I was here. Was she doing this to torture me? Did she _want_ me to watch?

_No, if she'd truly wanted me to watch she wouldn't have covered herself up with that annoying sheet._

My hand automatically went to the bulge in my pants as I watched her intently, and as usual, in a fit of frustrated arousal, my poor tree perch received another wound as my fingers contracted and clenched, splintering the blameless wood.

Isabella writhed in her bed, her hand moving faster and more sporadically. Her moans became plaintive and frustrated. Not at all like the moans that I elicited from her.

Suddenly she stilled and smacked the bed in irritation.

"Goddammit!" she said as she grabbed her pajamas and pulled them on angrily. "You can't even get yourself off, Swan. That's fucking pathetic."

She walked to the window again and glared. I stopped touching myself and ceased breathing.

_Invite me in, Isabella. Ask me to come to you and I will. I'll come and hold you, and love you, and pleasure you. Just tell me that you want it. Please._

I prayed that the empathy we shared would communicate something to her. That she would feel my desire for her and ask me to act on it. That she would help me ease her frustration.

I stared at her, desperately trying to make her feel me.

She peered out into the darkness for a long time, eventually muttering, "Fuck you, asshole," under her breath before slamming the window shut and locking it.

That small angry gesture hit me in the chest like freight train.

My brain scrambled frantically, trying desperately to comprehend the concept of a closed window and what it meant to me.

She was rejecting me.

Without actually saying it, she was telling me she didn't want me.

Every muscle in my body tensed as the overwhelming need to leap onto the sill and rip the window from its frame engulfed me. I wanted to tear a hole in the wall. I wanted to pulverize the glass and wood so there would be nothing to separate us.

I could do it. If I wanted to, I could rip off the side of the damn house in about thirty seconds. Screw the closed window. I'd make sure there was no fucking window to close.

I shut my eyes against the pain of her rejection.

I was trembling with impotent inaction.

I looked at the window.

I wanted to destroy it.

I couldn't.

I had to respect her wishes.

_I should leave. _

_She wants me to leave. She doesn't want me. _

_Why would she? What good could possibly come from her wanting me?_

I clenched my teeth against a flood of emotional pain that made my knees buckle.

Part of me had been expecting this rejection and yet, I was still staggered by it. It was hard to go back to the prospect of a solitary forever. I didn't want to.

I wanted her.

I was still reeling two minutes later when she opened the window again, swearing softly as she flopped back down on her bed and fell into a restless sleep.

I felt my body start to shake. Relief flooded my screaming veins.

She opened the window. For me.

_Thank you, God._

I quickly leapt onto the sill and crawled into the room. As usual, her scent slammed into me and I took a moment to breathe through the pain and hunger. I swallowed mouthful after mouthful of venom as the monster screamed for her blood.

I ignored him. Easily.

The room was quiet except for the soft hush of her steady breathing.

I walked over to her and knelt beside the bed, a sharp pang of...something...blooming in my chest as my fingers reached out to touch her.

I stopped myself.

_No. Not like this. Not anymore._

I looked at her for a few more minutes, drinking in every feature, every curve, every inch of soft, warm skin before stealing out of the room and into the woods.

An exhilarating blast of thrilling resolve surged through me.

I needed to hunt, and tomorrow...

Tomorrow I would tell her how I felt.

I would come to her early, just after sunset.

When she climbed the stairs after dinner, I would be there – waiting. I would talk to her calmly and rationally. I would lock the monster away. I wouldn't let him ruin my chance with her.

I would tell her how much I wanted her. How much I needed her. How I believed we were destined to be together.

I would tell her and wait for her reaction.

Tomorrow, I would find out exactly how she felt about me

The irony of tomorrow's significance wasn't lost on me.

Tomorrow was Halloween.

...

...

...

As the sun rose on Halloween morning, I found myself full of nervous anticipation.

I spent the day fidgeting.

I never fidgeted. I didn't think I knew how. Nevertheless I found it impossible to be still.

I stalked through the house, obsessively tidying and cleaning, running my hands through my hair and tapping vague, annoying rhythms on my thighs.

I still hadn't repaired the damage to the house, but I made everything look at neat as possible, even wiping down light fittings and polishing glasses and silverware that had never been used – the set dressing for the illusion of my humanity.

I thought that if I kept myself busy I would stop obsessing over the conversation I planned to have with Isabella tonight.

I was wrong.

My annoyingly proficient vampire brain was able to complete dozens of menial tasks and still be completely distracted by the prospect that I was going to try and explain my inexplicable feelings to the only woman I've ever had an interest in.

Time crawled by.

My frustration grew.

My brain was churning with innumerable conversation scenarios, none of them satisfactory. All of them sounded forced and ridiculous to me.

"_Hello, Isabella. My name is Edward. We haven't officially met but I have had my face buried in your thighs on several occasions while you came violently and screamed in pleasure. Want to be my girlfriend?"_

Lame.

"_Isabella, I know that I'm over a century-old and that you're still a teenager, but I really think we can make this work."_

More lame.

"_Look, Isabella, the fact that I constantly want to drink your blood and fuck you til you pass out is a problem, I'll admit, but if you can get past all of that, I'm really a very nice vampire."_

I had the sudden urge to bash my head against the nearest wall.

Why was this so damn difficult?

"Shit!" I exclaimed as the crystal chandelier I was dusting suddenly wrenched away from the ceiling and plummeted toward the floor. I grabbed it quickly, crushing several of the Austrian crystals into dust in the process.

"Goddammit!" I yelled in frustration as I threw the damn thing down. Bits of crystal shattered loudly and skittered across the wood, leaving a spider's web of fine scratches in their wake.

I exhaled violently, jumping off the ladder and stalking into the next room.

_I can't do it. I've spent my whole life figuring out how to be alone. Why did I think I could find a way to be with someone in just a few hours?_

Nothing I could think to say to her was good enough.

I had always considered myself to be a well-read, erudite, intelligent man, but faced with telling a simple human female how I felt about her had reduced me to a blithering idiot.

I reached the broom closet and tugged roughly on the door. It came off in my hand.

"Motherfucker!"

I dropped it on the floor and violently grabbed the dustpan, stomping back into the living room and angrily sweeping up the slivers of crystal. I walked back into the kitchen and dumped them into the trash before throwing the dustpan across the room, ignoring the fact it smashed a vase on the dining room table.

I leaned against the wall and sank slowly to the floor – the weight of my desperation and frustration sucking every ounce of strength from my muscles.

I dropped my head into my hands, praying that God would take pity on me for once in my miserable existence and give me some kind of help.

Something.

Anything.

My pocket started to vibrate.

_Alice._

Anything but that.

I grabbed the phone and shoved it to my ear.

"What?" I barked bitterly.

"Brother, do you actually have a death wish?" Alice said in exasperation. "You know, you're damn lucky Esme isn't a mind reader, because if she knew what you just did to her favorite chandelier, I'm pretty sure she'd call the Volturi on your destructive ass."

I closed my eyes and breathed, pushing my head back against the wall. The plaster cracked. I sighed.

"What do you want, Alice?"

"I want to you lighten up, Edward. I can feel your brooding from here and it's irritating the hell out of me."

Anger flared inside me.

"I'm sorry that my anxiety over my future happiness is so tiresome to you, Alice. I'll try to be more considerate of your feelings while I'm trying to sort out my life."

"Edward, as usual, you're over-complicating things."

"Alice," I seethed, hanging onto my civility by the thinnest possible thread, "I'm an undead immortal trying to figure out how the FUCK to tell the highly fragile human woman I'm obsessed with how much I want her to be in my life, despite the fact I have a desperate, all-consuming need to tear open ALL of her arteries and bathe in her delicious blood. Exactly what part of this whole screwed up scenario is simple?"

She sighed loudly.

"None of it is simple, Edward, I know that. But you're not helping matters by getting yourself worked up. Try being positive for once."

I laughed sarcastically.

"Oh, okay then, Alice. I'm positive I'm going to fuck this up. How's that? Happy now?"

"Stop being an ass."

"Easier said than done, little sister."

We were both silent for a few moments and I used the opportunity to push down the irrational panic rising inside me.

Alice was probably right. It was one of her most annoying attributes. I was over-thinking things. That tended to be a side-effect of living forever and having too much damn time on my hands.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I just...I don't know how the hell to handle this. Isabella is important to me. What I _say_ to her is important. I don't want to screw it up."

"I understand," she said softly. "I'm sorry I busted your balls. I should be more supportive. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Tell me I'm doing the right thing?"

She laughed.

"You're doing the right thing, Edward."

"You're just saying that 'cause I asked you to," I whined pathetically.

"That's it. I'm getting in my car and coming there right the hell now. I seriously need to slap you."

"Promises, promises, little one."

I smiled, and took a deep breath, knowing that my next question was a dangerous one.

"Alice, can you see...do you know how she's going to react?"

She was silent for a few seconds and my skin prickled with impatience. Was she pausing to concentrate on the possible outcome? Or was she just trying to think of a tactful way to break her brother's heart?

"I don't know, Edward," she finally replied. "I find it hard to get a read on her sometimes. It's like there's a...weird, dark mist around her. I have no idea why. I've never experienced anything like it before."

I wondered vaguely if it had anything to do with the fact I couldn't read her mind. It made me feel slightly better that Isabella was confounding my sister as well.

"Does it matter how she reacts, Edward?" she asked gently. "You know that you'll always regret it if you don't at least try. If she says no, she says no. But if she says yes..."

Her voice trailed off and I knew she was thinking about a future where her brother wasn't constantly the odd man out. A future that wasn't filled with endless, pointless, loveless days.

"Good luck, big brother," she said warmly. "She'd be mad not to want you. You're awesome."

I laughed quietly to myself.

"Alice, I think you've just given me the perfect conversation starter – 'Hi Isabella. I'm Edward. Please love me. I'm awesome.'"

She giggled.

"Damn straight, sweetie. Now get up and go get her. I'll call you later."

I said goodbye and hung up, quickly checking my appearance in the hall mirror before stepping outside and gazing over at the few last few tendrils of sunlight peeking over the horizon. I watched and waited as the bright orange glow faded to deep blue before jogging toward Isabella's house.

_Hello darkness, my old friend._

_I've come to talk to you again._

As soon as I reached Isabella's house my nose wrinkled as an irritatingly familiar stench wafted around me.

I sighed in frustration.

_Jacob__._

_Dammit all to hell. There goes any chance of me getting Isabella alone._

I heard voices in the kitchen and peered cautiously through the window.

Isabella was looking at Jacob with unbridled disdain.

It made me smile.

"Jake, you have got to be fucking kidding me."

Jacob was holding up a collection of tiny scraps of fabric. I scowled as I realized it was meant to be Isabella's Halloween costume.

_You unbelievable ass._

"What?" he said gazing at her with a look of clueless confusion on his idiot face. "You don't like it? I thought it looked sexy."

Isabella snatched the hanger in disgust.

"Jake, I'm going to look like a goddamn hooker! Or at the very least like Paris Hilton."

Jacob looked like she'd slapped him. His face settled into the self-pitying pout of a three-year-old which made _me_ want to slap him. Hard.

Isabella took one look at his face and sighed, her face softening.

"I'm sorry, Jake, I'm just uptight. The costume's fine, really."

_Fine? Don't be ridiculous, woman. You can't go out wearing that. It's indecent. Sexy as all hell, but absolutely goddamn indecent.__ Men will see you and ogle you and then I'll have to murder them all. Do NOT wear it._

"Bells, you don't have to wear it if you hate it that much," idiot-boy murmured.

_See? Even he thinks you shouldn't wear it. _

Isabella grimaced. I'm pretty sure she was aiming for a smile but it fell short.

"I don't hate it, it's just...different, that's all. But we're going to look kick-ass when we're both dressed up."

She tried a smile again. It was more successful, unfortunately.

"Come on," she said, summoning way too much enthusiasm for my liking, "let's go get dressed."

Jacob grabbed his costume and bounded upstairs as Isabella followed silently behind him.

I swore softly and headed around to my tree, leaping up into the branches and taking up my regular position as they both stripped down to their underwear.

My eyes ran over the curves of Isabella's magnificent body. She was wearing only her bra and a tiny lace thong.

I swallowed thickly as my body reacted to her. Her back was to me and I took in the swell of her smooth buttocks. My fingers itched to trail over her silky skin. I took a deep breath. The faint hint of her scent filled my lungs, inflaming me instantly.

I watched in rapture as she picked up a piece of her costume and frowned at it, turning it toward the light and in turn, revealing her beautiful lace-covered breasts to me.

_So beautiful._

My mouth flooded with venom as I fantasized about taking a soft, warm nipple into my mouth, sucking lightly on it as my tongue explored its sweet texture.

A burst of desire raced through me.

It had been too long since I'd touched her. I licked my lips as I watched her, my dick hardening further with every second.

Suddenly, she looked up and walked toward the window. I pressed myself back into the shadows of the large tree.

She scanned the darkness as my eyes continued their silent pilgrimage over her body. I needed her so badly, I was beginning to ache.

If idiot Jacob wasn't here I could be in that bedroom with her, telling her how I felt and possibly running my fingers across her skin.

Jesus, that boy irritated the hell out of me.

"I know you're out there," Isabella whispered, and I instantly froze. "I hope you fucking like what you see."

Her voice was hard and angry.

_She's angry with me? What the hell did I do? I've been trying to be a good undead pervert. Didn't she know that?_

She kept staring in my direction and a sudden gust of wind carried more of her excruciating scent to my eager nostrils.

I growled as I registered the pungent flavor of lust in her smell.

The fact that she was angry with me obviously didn't stop her body reacting the way it always did. What's more, her anger made her smell even more mouth-watering than usual. The monster inside me smiled despite the raging thirst scorching my throat.

Her body wanted me even if she thought she didn't. I could hear her heartbeat speed up as she searched the darkness for me.

I moaned quietly as her hand trailed over her stomach, brushing down the soft skin until she reached the lace of her panties. Her eyes fluttered slightly as her fingers continued down, finally pressing lightly into the spot that my fingers remembered as warm heaven.

She jumped when kill-joy Jacob touched her shoulder and asked if she was okay.

She turned to face him, and I bristled when I noticed how her eyes traveled over his body.

_He may have bigger muscles than I do, Isabella, but his body will never make you feel the way mine can. You know it, I know it, and one day real soon, if I resist the powerful urge to kill him, he'll know it._

The muscles in her back tensed and she ran her hands over his abnormally large biceps.

The muscled freak moaned and kissed her neck.

_On second thought, he's never going to know how I affect your body, because in about ten seconds I'm going to punch my fist into his ribcage and remove his fucking heart._

Isabella stroked his body, moving her hands slowly and deliberately, almost as if she could feel my jealousy and intended to flagellate me with it.

I don't know what I had done to piss her off, but it seemed as though she was determined to make me pay.

"Oh, Jesus, Jake," she said, sounding completely unconvincing, "Your body is incredible."

As obvious as her ploy was, jealousy still raged inside of me like a rabid beast. I clenched my jaw and gripped my tree harder, trying to hold back the murderous rage that was gnawing mercilessly at my self-control.

_I wonder how incredible you'll think his body is when I tear all of his limbs from their sockets_.

I became vaguely aware that I was growling as I watched her hands travel down his stomach and into his boxers. A chunk of tree came away in my fist as she gripped his erection.

"Oh, man...Bella, you are so fucking sexy," he moaned like an over-eager virgin.

She pulled him over to the window and sank to her knees in front of him.

_No, no, no, no. _

_Don't do it, Isabella. If you value your boyfriend's life, you will NOT go down on him in front of me. I'll kill him. I'll kill him and make you watch, I swear to God._

"Fuck, Jake," she said, shooting a quick glance out the window, "Your dick is so beautiful."

The monster inside me screamed for blood as her head bent towards him. A surge of fury rocketed through me and a vicious growl ripped out of my chest as I watched her take him into her mouth.

"Fuck, yes...Bells, yes, baby...that's fucking incredible."

I squeezed my eyes shut as the last vestiges of my control were stripped from me. I trembled with unparalleled rage as fierce jealousy and rabid possessiveness fought for the ultimate right to flay the moaning asshole alive.

I blazed with hunger and anger and frustration. I burned. I ached. I craved blood and violence and ripping vengeance and unless I got myself under control in the next three seconds, I was going to have all of them.

I tried to block out Jacob's moans of pleasure, but when he screamed, "HOLY SHIT, BELLS, YES!" I snarled loudly and prepared to pounce.

A thin finger of reason struggled through my red rage, pleading with me to stop, to find another way. It whispered that if I ripped Jacob's throat out and drank his blood, I may not be content to stop there. I could kill Isabella and destroy any chance I had for happiness.

"Fuck," I spat as I grudgingly jumped out of the tree and strode away from the hell playing out in the window.

Venom was pumping into my mouth continuously as I stalked through the darkness, the tension in my muscles screaming for release. I spotted Jacob's car and before I knew what I was doing, my arms were wrapped around the huge pine-tree beside me and I was ripping it out of the ground. I grunted in frustration as I slammed the tree down onto the tiny car at exactly the same time I heard Jacob preparing to orgasm. I sneered with sick satisfaction as his car alarm bleated pathetically, interrupting him before he could finish in Isabella's mouth.

I leapt into a nearby tree and watched with spiteful fascination as he barreled into the front yard, bare-chested and flustered, whining like a child as he registered the destruction of his precious toy. Isabella followed behind him, her short robe giving me tantalizing glimpses of smooth skin.

"What the FUCK?" he yelled as he circled the twisted wreck, his face turning ashen in the dim light.

"How the fuck did this even happen?"

_This happened because your girlfriend wanted to torture me, and destroying your car was slightly preferable to murdering you in front of her. Consider yourself lucky, boy._

Isabella turned toward me, her face flushed with fury.

"You asshole," she whispered in my general direction.

Jacob turned to her and whimpered, "What? Did you just call me an asshole?"

I chuckled to myself.

Isabella walked over and wrapped her arms around him. I stopped chuckling.

_Woman, don't you realize what happens when you make me jealous? Stop pushing your damn luck._

"No, honey," she said soothingly as she glanced in my direction, "I called the tree an asshole. I mean, really, what right did that motherfucker of a tree have to smash your car? For God's sake, if the tree was so pathetically jealous that it needed to throw a tantrum like a two-year-old, then it should have smashed itself in the head, thereby distracting it long enough to realize it was being an immature, covetous ass-hat."

Anger bristled inside me.

_I did NOT throw a tantrum. A tantrum would have been ripping you boyfriend into bite-sized pieces, Isabella. I simply exacted revenge. There's a difference._

Jacob whined some more and she grabbed his hand and led him inside, throwing one more angry glare my way in the process.

"Don't worry about it, baby," she said as they went back into the house, "Let's just get dressed and get the hell out of here. I suddenly think a night away from this place and its infuriating damn trees is just what I need."

If Isabella thought driving to Port Angeles was going to get rid of me, she was sorely mistaken. By the time she and Jacob had gotten dressed I had sprinted back to my house and picked up my car, and as they climbed in to her ancient and decrepit truck, I watched from down the street, bristling as I noticed the almost complete lack of costume she was wearing.

I tried to steady my fury as I drove behind them, my headlights dimmed so they couldn't see me, but considering that her truck could barely hit the speed limit, it was a losing battle. I hated that she was angry with me. I hated that she was with Jacob instead of me. I hated that she was wearing a costume that would have been at home in a porn film, but more than anything, I fucking HATED driving slowly.

My hands tapped impatiently on the steering wheel as I swore constantly under my breath, and even the normally calming strains of Debussy echoing from my car's stereo couldn't lower the rampant pounding of my non-existent blood pressure.

By the time we reached Port Angeles I was a raging mess of tangled emotions, and I knew that I shouldn't allow myself to be around humans in my current state. But as I watched Isabella dismount from her truck, every male within ogling distance began inserting her into their depraved sexual fantasies. I knew there was no way I could let her go into that club without me.

I waited a few minutes after she and Jacob disappeared inside before I walked into the hallway, but before I could make it through the heavy wooden doors, a burly security guard stepped in front of me, blocking my path.

"I'm sorry, sir," he said gruffly, "Tonight is Halloween. No one gets in without a costume."

I pushed down my anger as I looked at what I was wearing. I had on a black v-neck sweater and a pair of black pants. It was about as non-costumey as you could get.

"What are you talking about?" I seethed, making sure he saw the dangerous black of my eyes, "I'm absolutely in costume."

"Uh...as what?" he asked skeptically, his speech faltering slightly.

"As a hungry, pissed-off vampire who's going to rip out the throat of the first clueless human who gets in his damn way," I snarled.

His eyes widened and looked at the floor as he quickly stepped out of my way. "Oh...of course, sir. Ingenious costume. Really. I should have seen that. My apologies."

I stalked past him and pushed open the doors, staggering slightly as I was immediately bombarded with the thoughts of hundreds of hyped-up humans.

I squeezed my eyes shut as their thoughts slapped at me like baseball bats, pounding into my head and making me dizzy with over-stimulation.

I found a vacant piece of wall and collapsed against it, breathing deeply as I desperately tried to close my mind. Slowly, the voices diminished and I pushed the last of them away, opening my eyes to scan the crowd for Little Red Riding Hood.

I moved through the throng, searching for Isabella. Several times my progress was halted by women who made it clear they found my physical appearance appealing. One came up to me just after I had caught a hint of Isabella's scent, and smiled at me knowingly as she boldly palmed my erection and pressed herself against my body. I politely told her I wasn't interested and kept walking, but her thoughts lingered on the dimensions of my arousal.

If only Isabella was so easily impressed.

Finally, I spotted her on the far side of the room. She was enthusiastically gulping down a disgusting-looking drink. I moved closer so I could get a better look.

As she came into view, a sharp wave of her scent hit me at roughly the same time my body registered the full impact of the unbelievably brief costume she was wearing.

My eyes dragged over a huge expanse of thigh that was revealed between her boots and the minuscule skirt she wore. Her waist was cinched by a lace-up corset which also pushed her breasts up so high they were almost spilling out of her top. A short, red cape draped around her shoulders and her hair was plaited into two long braids.

Jesus, she looked incredible.

I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take her to a deserted corner and fuck her roughly. I wanted to look into her eyes as she screamed my name, over and over again. I wanted to feel her spasm and orgasm around my aching cock.

I wanted it all. I wanted all of her. And I wanted her to want it too.

Suddenly her head snapped up and she scanned the crowd, her face instantly scowling.

_She knows I'm here. She can feel me._

_Good_.

_Can you feel how much I want you, Isabella? Can you feel how desperately my body needs you? Can you feel a small fraction of the raging desire you inspire in me?_

_I hope so. I hope you can feel all of it. I hope it's torturing you just as much as it's torturing me._

She looked around again, a faint blush warming her skin as she downed the last of her drink and threw her arms around Jacob's neck. She was swaying slightly and I could hear her slurring her words.

I saw her stumble against Jacob's chest and my immediate reaction was to go and steady her. But of course, Jacob did that because Jacob was her boyfriend. Big, dumb, Jacob who was dressed like a dog and couldn't find her erogenous zones with two hands and a map. Nice, dependable Jacob who had giant muscles and no personality to speak of. Safe, human Jacob whose fingers and cock wouldn't rupture skin and break bones.

_He was her boyfriend._

I watched as she pushed away from him and made her way unsteadily through the crowd.

_He wasn't going to be her boyfriend for much longer, that's for damn sure._

By the direction she was traveling I guessed she was heading toward the exit. She pushed clumsily through the crowd, her heart pounding erratically and loudly. The men she passed thought loud, disgusting thoughts, making me want to murder every single one of them. One of them was stupid enough to reach out to touch her ass as she passed, but my steel hand around his wrist stopped him.

"Don't even fucking think about it," I snarled as I squeezed his fragile bones to their breaking point. I released him as he cried out in pain, taking the few remaining steps to catch up to Isabella.

I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back against me, my mouth naturally settling next the pounding pulse of her jugular. She gasped and stiffened in my arms, her heart speeding up even further as the feel of her body under my fingers immediately soothed and annihilated me in the same moment.

"What the hell are you wearing, Isabella?" I rasped as the length of her body against mine caused every muscle to scream with desire, "Do you have any idea what that outfit is doing to the men in this room, including me?"

She squirmed uselessly. I tensed. There was nothing the monster liked more than squirming prey. I sucked in more of her scent. The monster approved.

"But you're not exactly a man now, are you?" she spat, finally stilling her movement.

I froze.

"So you finally understand?" I asked carefully.

_Do you truly understand, Isabella? Can you stand here so calmly, knowing exactly what I am?_

She huffed in frustration as her body moved against mine, her warm skin blazing through my clothes and into my bones.

"I understand that you haven't been to see me in days," she said petulantly, "and I understand that for some ridiculous reason I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin whenever you're not around, and I understand you're a giant asshole for doing what you did to Jake's car tonight. That was completely fucking uncalled for."

"You had your mouth around another man's cock," I said as my hands moved across her body of their own volition, forcing her closer to me as we swayed to the heavy, repetitive music, "I'd say it was very called for."

"Why do you care whose cock my mouth is around? You have no claim on me. I don't even know your fucking name!"

_My name isn't important. What's important is how completely right it feels to have your body pressed against mine. That's what's important._

"I do have a claim on you, Isabella," I said, gently lifting her hands and placing them at the back of my head.

_Touch me. Please._

Her fingers pushed into my hair, grasping at it fiercely. I groaned and closed my eyes.

She was touching me, and it felt incredible.

My fingers found more of her skin, stroking her arms as the simple raw truth of what she meant to me crystallized in my brain.

"You're mine," I whispered into her ear, "you've always been mine. From the moment you were born you've been mine."

Any other reality wasn't possible. If anyone tried to take her from me, they would sorely regret it.

"You're lucky I only broke your boyfriend's car tonight," I said simply, "I wanted to break so much more."

She gripped my hair and tugged fiercely – angrily. It was staggeringly arousing. My head fell back and I groaned thickly.

"It was my idea to suck Jake's cock tonight, not his," she spat. "I wanted to make you jealous, and obviously, it worked. If you were going to damage anyone's car, it should have been mine."

_What a ridiculous concept._

"I've seen your truck, Isabella," I murmured into her neck, "It's a piece of garbage. Do you honestly believe that by smashing it with a tree I could diminish its value any further?"

Suddenly her skin flushed hot with anger, and blood.

"Did you just fucking insult my truck?"

I couldn't help but chuckle. Her outrage was thrilling, but not as much as the blast of mouth-watering scent that was oozing from her skin.

She struggled again as she spat, "Who the FUCK do you think you are?"

I swallowed heavily as my bloodlust roared to life, my throat blazing as venom poured down it.

"Edward," I managed to rasp as my nose automatically buried itself in her neck. I closed my eyes and gripped my control with both hands as my tongue flicked against the thundering pulse of her jugular.

She moaned loudly as my tongue moved across her heated skin, every inch of it bringing a new layer of need to my arousal.

She panted and gripped my hair, pulling my mouth closer to the thin layer of skin protecting her life-blood.

"What?" she said breathlessly as I continued to taste her.

"Edward, is who the fuck I think I am," I growled as I pulled her back against my body, a low, dark groan oozing from me as her ass connected with my increasingly desperate erection.

God, she felt amazing. She was so warm. So unbelievably and staggeringly warm.

Her head fell back onto my shoulder and she moaned.

"That's such an ordinary name for such a gargantuan prick," she sighed as she pushed her body against mine.

Jesus, she was driving me insane.

I couldn't help but grind against her as a low rumble started in my chest.

"Actually my gargantuan prick has a different name," I murmured, barely able to talk through the blazing pain in my throat, "Remind me to introduce you two later."

I brushed my hands up her body, stopping as I reached her breasts, cupping them roughly through the thick fabric encasing them, resisting the urge to tear apart the flimsy satin and palm them fully.

"I need to see your face," she said quietly.

A sudden flash of panic rocked through me. My hands stilled.

"No," I said quickly, the sudden terror of her looking into my monstrous face and finally finding the sense to reject me filling me with dread.

"Yes," she said insistently.

The certainty of her tone infuriated me.

"Isabella, I'm not a dog you can order around like you do your boyfriend. I will not be dictated to."

"Then walk away," she ordered breathlessly, trying to pull my hands away from her body, "I'm not going to let someone whose face I haven't even seen continue to touch me like this."

My arms tightened around her.

_Walking away isn't an option any more, Isabella. You feel it as much as I do._

"You had no complaints when you thought I wasn't real," I seethed quietly.

She bucked and squirmed against me. My body tightened around her like a boa constrictor.

_Stop fighting me, Isabella. My instinct to incapacitate you is getting really fucking uncontrollable._

"Yeah, well now I know you are real," she snapped, "so stop being such a goddamn coward and show me your face!"

She struggled with renewed vigor and my arms automatically squeezed the air from her lungs.

_Dammit, Isabella. Stay still!_

"Why is it so damn important to you?" I said acidly, pushing down my predatory instincts and clawing back my rationale.

"Because I want to know who you are," she countered, gasping as I loosened my arms enough to let her breathe. "You come into my life like a damn phantom, making me feel things I didn't know existed, filling me with desires I didn't know I had, and generally mind-fucking me so much that all I can think about is you and your body and the way you make we want an impossible forever. "

My breath froze in my lungs.

She just said the word 'forever'.

I swear to God I could feel my cold, dead heart burst back to life in my chest.

"You say that I'm yours?" she said breathlessly, "Prove it. Show me the face of the man I supposedly belong to."

She was willing to entertain the prospect of 'forever' with me?

The urge to sink my teeth into her neck and make her like me before she could change her mind was immediate and seductive. I could feel a low rumble of desire echo in my chest as my mouth hovered above her delicate skin, my nose nudging the hypnotic pulsing of her sweet blood.

"Isabella," the monster moaned as my voice reverberated against her, my teeth dripping with venom, "You smell so good when you get angry."

"Oh yeah?" she challenged, squirming again, making me tremble with restrained violence, "Then I must smell fan-fucking-tastic at the moment because you are really pissing me off!"

My mouth plunged down to her throat, the urge to bite her twisting in my muscles, screaming to be fulfilled. I squeezed my eyes shut and resisted, only allowing my tongue to sweep across her pounding artery, the sweet tang of her skin distracting me minutely from my growing, grasping need for her blood.

Her ultimatum about showing my face echoed in my ears. After everything she knew about me, she still wanted more.

If she wanted to know then she should know everything, because I was pretty sure that I couldn't hide my bloodlust from her for a second longer.

"You want to see my face?" I moaned, every last ounce of control concentrated on resisting her exposed neck. "The face of the man whose primary desire is to devour you and taste your exquisite blood? The man who constantly fantasizes about killing you...or fucking you...or fucking you then killing you? You're so desperate to see that face, Isabella?"

"Yes," she pleaded, "Please..."

I spun her around and gazed into her eyes, my monstrous features finally available for her scrutiny.

"Here's my face, Isabella," I rasped, waiting for the inevitable look of horror, "The face of a murderer. Does it please you?"

She stopped breathing, her eyes locking onto mine before moving slowly – hungrily - over my face and body. Her heart-rate sped up. Her skin blushed.

_Jesus, could she make it any more impossible for me to resist her blood?_

She gazed at me for the longest three seconds of my life before she pulled in a noisy breath, her exhale bathing me in warm, sweet air.

_Say something, Isabella. Please. Say anything to distract me from my need to possess you, body, blood and soul._

"Yes, your face pleases me," she finally gasped before grabbing my head and pulling it down to hers.

I reeled as her lips covered mine, her movements frantic and insistent, demanding to taste me, her tongue seeking out mine with quiet desperation.

My entire body exploded in response, my hands grasping at her as I kissed her back, the taste of her mouth and tongue transporting me beyond any pleasure I had ever experienced. The bloodlust instantly disappeared and I was violently and irrevocably bound to her as every molecule of my body claimed her at last.

"You belong with me, Isabella, always," I panted, unable to stop touching her, "No other man will ever touch you again."

I gasped as her mouth closed on my neck, primal, feral sounds tumbling out of her as she sucked and bit me, her hot mouth incinerating and scorching my cold skin.

"I'm yours," she moaned, and my body erupted with a new level of desire. "I've never been anyone else's."

I couldn't get enough of her. She was wearing too many clothes. My hands couldn't find enough skin.

I kissed her passionately as my hand reached under her skirt and destroyed the scrap of fabric she called panties. My fingers pushed against her moist flesh, impatient to find the sweet sanctuary that lay there. She gasped into my mouth as my fingers found her.

"This," I said roughly, as she looked at me with lust filled eyes, "is mine too, and I intend to claim it."

I started moving my fingers against her, mesmerized to see her unguarded, conscious reaction. She squirmed against me, pushing herself down and stepping her legs apart.

The fact that we were surrounded by a throng of strangers was irrelevant to me. All that mattered in that moment was my hands on her body and the ecstasy on her face. The rest of the world didn't exist as far as I was concerned.

"We can't do this," she moaned as we continued to move against each other, "We're in the middle of a dance floor."

"Of course we can," I said, my voice low and desperate and filled with need. "Now, unzip my pants, Isabella, and feel exactly how much you affect me."

She complied immediately, her hands trembling as she fumbled with my zipper, eventually wrenching it down and pushing the fabric of my trousers aside impatiently.

The instant her soft, warm hand closed around me, my blazing need for her reached impossible new heights.

"Oh, God...yes, Isabella," I groaned shamelessly, "Do you feel that? That's yours. Only yours."

She moved her hand over my hardness, stroking the engorged muscles firmly. For the first time in my existence I felt like I was going to pass out. I closed my eyes as excruciating jolts of pleasure blasted through me, destroying me completely, one gasping moan at a time.

Before I knew what I was doing I had lifted her off her feet and was sprinting through the crowd. I needed her alone. I needed more. I needed everything and I needed it right the fuck now.

I carried her behind the stage. It was deserted.

In a millisecond I had her pinned up against the wall, every part of my body shrieking to be joined with hers. My rational mind yelled that it was too soon, that it was too dangerous; but my rational mind wasn't in the driver's seat at the moment. My lust was, and it wanted to submerge itself in Isabella's irresistible warmth.

Judging by the way her body was reacting to mine, she wanted it too. She clutched and grabbed at me frantically, moaning loudly as she guided my hands to where she wanted them the most, demanding the pleasure only I could give her.

"Isabella, I need to have you," I growled as her hand pumped me insistently, "but this could be very dangerous for you."

"I don't care," she panted, gripping me even more fiercely. "I need you. I need you as much as air, or blood. I need you inside me, please."

_Oh dear God. Her words. Words I never thought I'd hear from any woman, let alone one this magnificent._

I lifted her above me, my whole body shuddering with need and restraint and pure, ripping terror that I wouldn't be able to control myself and would hurt her.

I closed my eyes in concentration, desperate to restrain my strength, to overpower my compulsive urge to thrust and tear and bite.

I said a silent prayer, begging God to please let me have this one perfect moment with her.

"Now," she whispered, her eyes pleading with mine, "Edward...please."

I kept my eyes on hers, needing to connect with her, too overwhelmed by emotions and sensations to go through it alone.

"I know I shouldn't," I whispered as she continued to silently plead with me, "but God forgive me...I can't help myself."

Her eyes widened and clouded with pleasure as I slowly, ever so slowly, inched into her.

_Oh, God._

_Why did I never know I could feel like this?_

Isabella's body engulfed me, every part of her gripping every part of me. Soft and hard. Light and dark.

"Isabella," I groaned as everything but the sensation of me sinking into her faded from my comprehension. "Ohhhhh, God...so warm...so very warm."

I closed my eyes against a bombardment of emotions as I lowered her fully onto me.

I was in heaven. Warm, pulsing heaven.

"Am I hurting you?" I whispered as I cautiously began to move, my eyes watching her intently, desperately monitoring her for any signs of discomfort.

_Gently, Cullen. She's precious. Don't you dare hurt her._

"Uh...no...Jesus, you feel incredible," she moaned, gripping my hair and urging me on.

She wanted more.

_God...__Isabella, you don't know what you're asking of me. I can't lose control with you, and part of me so desperately wants to._

"Edward," she panted as her eyes blazed into mine, "You know how to please me. You've been doing it for months. Stop being so damn careful. I'm not as fragile as you think."

_Yes you are. You're gossamer and I'm marble. It terrifies me how fragile you are._

"You don't understand," I groaned, cradling her with infinite care as I moved inside her cautiously, "I could break you. Kill you. It would be so easy."

She grabbed my face roughly, her eyes blazing and passionate and determined.

"You won't. Please. I need more."

Her confidence made me bolder and I began to move more forcefully in her as I gripped her corset and ripped it open, claiming her breasts with my mouth the moment they were freed.

God, she tasted astonishing. The sweet flesh of her nipples had a completely different flavor to the rest of her skin.

I felt high. High on her. Drunk on the ecstasy of being joined with her.

"Isabella...I can smell you, and taste you, and feel you. I've never experienced anything like it."

She gripped my shoulders and forced herself down on me, meeting my upward thrusts with increasing abandon.

"Oh, Jesus Christ! Yes!" she cried as we moved against each other.

I groaned as I felt powerful blasts of pleasure tightening inside me, each thrust stretching a thin wire of tension, every muscle coiling in excruciating anticipation. I could feel Isabella's body reacting to me, contracting strongly as I moved inside her. It felt incredible. In my limited sexual experience I had never felt anything like the perfection of my body joined with hers.

A low, animalistic growl ripped out of me as our pace increased, both of us moaning in unison, breathing each other's air as we panted and gasped.

"Isabella...yes...Isabella," I chanted, her name my mantra, her body my new religion. "God, I never knew...I never knew I could feel like this."

My abdomen started tightening and I knew I was close. I looked deep into Isabella's eyes, never wanting to leave her, hoping I'd never have to.

"Tell me, Isabella," I said quietly, "Tell me you're mine."

"I'm yours," she moaned, her eyes honest and raw as every part of her gripped me tighter.

"Again."

_I'll never get tired of hearing you say the words. Never._

"I'm yours."

Electricity fired inside me, hovering on the edge of damnation and salvation.

Isabella's eyes closed.

I needed her to open them.

"Look at me," I ordered.

Her eyes opened and her mouth released a long, sighing groan. Her body was trembling and quaking with pent up pleasure.

"Again!" I said as my own orgasm started firing inside me.

"GOD, EDWARD, I'M YOURS!" she screamed as she completely lost herself in the ecstasy. She threw her head back as she spasmed violently, her muscles releasing in strong, staggeringly powerful waves.

A raw, feral moan ripped out of me as everything inside me snapped, spiraling pleasure unraveling inside me at the speed of light.

"Oh...God, ISABELLA! YES!"

I bellowed her name as I stilled inside her, all my strength vanishing as I struggled to stop myself collapsing, my orgasm shuddering and shattering through me.

Isabella clung to me as we both groaned through our releases, our sated bodies taking several minutes to recover, our arms around each other as our ragged breathing filled the space between us.

I leaned into her, finding her mouth and kissing her deeply, trying desperately to convey my feelings to her, letting her know that I was hers for as long as she would have me.

Her lips were soft and delicious.

Perfect.

Mine.

I leaned my forehead on hers and sighed as she ran her fingers through my hair. The simple act of affection filled me with irrational hope. Her fingers traced my jaw and brushed over my lips, and a tsunami of contentment flooded through me.

She was touching me. She had made love to me. She knew what I was and she didn't run away.

This was the beginning of the rest of my life.

"You're breaking up with your boyfriend tonight, aren't you, Isabella?" I asked quietly.

"Yes."

"You're going to let me do this to you every day for the rest of your existence, aren't you, Isabella?"

"Yes."

"You're going to let me buy you a new car to replace that piece of shit death-trap you're currently driving around, aren't you Isabella?"

She grabbed my hair and tugged my head back roughly. A fresh blast of lust ripped through me.

"Don't push your luck, vamp-boy," she said threateningly.

_Vamp-boy?_

_Jesus, this woman is glorious._

I felt myself harden inside her, and I saw her eyes go wide.

_That's right Isabella. I'm a vampire. I don't know the meaning of the phrase 'recovery time'._

I started moving, circling my hips against her.

"You are in so much trouble now, woman," I growled, knowing that I could do this to her forever and never tire of the feeling of my body joined with hers.

She moaned softly.

"Again?" she gasped as she moved with me.

"Again," I groaned in response. "Happy Halloween, Isabella."

I would discuss the future with her tomorrow. Right now I need to just be with her.

"Oh, my God, Edward...yes."

She threw her head back, and once again the monster salivated as he watched the rapid pulse flicker in her throat.

I wanted to bite her. I wanted to make her like me. I wanted her to stay with me forever.

My hungry mouth came down on her neck, but at the last moment I covered my teeth as I sucked at her delicate skin.

One day.

Not today.

My name fell from her lips as I rocked inside her and I'd never been happier.

"_Bells?"_

A familiar voice called out for her.

I froze and she gasped in horror.

"_Bella? Are you back there?"_

_Fuck_.

_Jacob._

_Asshole!_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_

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_

**Author Notes**

**Oh..uh..Jacob? Where are you going? No, don't go back there! NOOOOO!**

**Oh dear. Whatever will WindowWard**** do?**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts. Drop me a line if you get the chance.**

**Thanks for reading****,**

**Kiya x**


	6. Revelations

**Chapter Notes**

**Welcome back, WindowWard devotees.**

**To my most awesome and hilarious Beta-Goddess, Irritable_Grizzzly), WindowWard loves it when you brag about the size of his massive chapters. ****And I just love you. Hopelessly.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns the Twilight characters.**

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6**** – Revelations**

**EPOV**

I groaned as my tongue ran across her skin.

_Pulsing. Sweet. _

_Bite, tear, suck._

_No!_

I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed back the bloodthirsty beast, but he was getting dangerously close to the surface and I could feel the razor-sharp claws of his desire decimating my self-control.

Denying him was the most painful thing I could do, but I had to. For her sake.

Every rock of my hips made my body and throat blaze more, until I was engulfed in an inferno of pain and need and snarling bloodlust, but I couldn't stop touching her. It was impossible.

The pain was worth it.

Every excruciating thrust. Every sharp swallow of acid venom. Every gut-wrenching twist of hunger and thirst was worth it to watch Isabella's face as my body brought her pleasure like nothing she'd ever known.

"Oh, God, Edward...oh...God...oh, Jesus."

I was so mesmerized by her face and her voice and the unbelievable ecstasy of feeling her muscles tighten around me that I completely neglected to hear approaching footsteps.

"_Bells?"_

I froze and sniffed the air, growling softly as Jacob's stench mingled with Isabella's perfect scent.

Isabella gasped in horror and gripped my shoulders, her whole body tensing as the footsteps got gradually closer.

"_Bella? Are you back there?"_

She looked at me in absolute panic, the smell of fear rolling off her, incensing and taunting the predator inside me who was already looking for an excuse to kill and feed.

_Shit_.

I had to distract myself.

I started moving again, losing myself in the sensation of her magnificent body.

She panted and moaned softly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she whispered urgently.

"Well," I answered in a low growl, "I would have thought that was obvious. But if you need me to explain further..."

I pushed into her strongly and her eyes went wide, a sharp gasp blasting out of her.

"Edward," she groaned in half-hearted protest, "We can't. We have to get out of here. Jacob's going to find us any second."

"Good," I grunted as the pressure continued building inside me, "I want him to see what it looks like to make you come."

The footsteps got closer.

"_Bella?"_

I thrust faster, gritting my teeth against the absolute murderous rage Jacob inspired in me, concentrating on the pleasure Isabella was giving me and not my desperate need for blood. Any blood.

Jacob's blood.

Isabella moaned and gripped me harder.

"_Bells?"_

"Call out to him," I hissed angrily, "Let him see us together. He needs to know that you're mine and that he's never going to touch you again."

She swallowed hard as I moved faster, deeper; her body tightening with pleasure despite her panic, all her muscles preparing to release.

"Oh, God. Edward, please," she begged, "Don't let him see us. He's a good person. He doesn't deserve this."

His voice was closer still, whiny and annoying and distracting as hell.

"_Bella? Where are you, babe?"_

I growled at her defense of him.

"Why do you insist on protecting him?" I demanded, swallowing back the venom that was incinerating me from the inside, "he can't make you feel like this, Isabella. Only I can." I punctuated my words with hard, heavy thrusts. "Only...me...not...him."

"Oh...Jesus...Edward."

I groaned as the pressure inside me became excruciating.

Isabella stopped breathing as her orgasm hit her, and her head flew back as she bit down on her lip to stop herself from crying out.

"You feel that?" I seethed, still thrusting, desperate for my own release, "Has he ever made you feel _anything_ like that? Anything _close_ to that? I want him to see how incredible you look when you come. Let him see how a real man pleasures his woman."

She lifted her head and looked at me, panting and conflicted.

My whole body stiffened as a blast of mouth-watering scent smashed into me, obliterating everything else.

Her lip.

_Oh, God._

She'd bitten her bottom lip. A small smear of perfect red was oozing out of it.

Without thinking, I kissed her, swiping my tongue across the precious liquid and swallowing it down.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

Suddenly, I was coming. Hard.

I bit back the need to roar like an animal as pleasure and pain and satisfaction and frustration all exploded inside me, warring with each other for ultimate dominance, ripping me apart with conflicting desires.

_More. More blood._

_Protect her. Love her. Forever._

_Rip her open. Drink her. More._

"No," I moaned to the depraved voice inside me as the last tremors of pleasure faded. "Shut up!"

"Edward?" Isabella whispered desperately as I stilled inside her, my body and mind pounding, making me tremble with ecstasy and agony.

I eased out of her and fastened my pants, staggering backwards, away from the blood...the smell...the gut-wrenching temptation.

She watched me with wide eyes as she pushed her skirt down and tried to pull together the ripped mess of her corset.

She took a step toward me, but I held up my hand to stop her.

"Don't," I ordered, my voice low with warning, my mouth dripping with venom, "If you come any closer right now I...I might...I don't want to hurt you. I just need a minute."

She stepped back, panting and frightened.

_At last, Isabella, you're frightened of me._

_Good._

_I just hope it's not too late._

I stopped breathing, trying to block out the scent of the intoxicating blood that was right in front of me. I gripped onto my last vestige of control.

_I refuse to hurt her._

"Bella! There you are!" Jacob said as he walked around the corner. "Babe, didn't you hear me calling to you?"

_Him, on the other hand, I could kill in a heartbeat._

He stopped in his tracks when he saw me. His eyes narrowed and his posture turned aggressive, like a dog defending his bone.

"Who's this guy?" he asked roughly, anger sharpening his voice.

_This is the guy who just fucked your girlfriend twice and made her c__ome violently, asshole. That's who 'this guy' is. Now if you ask any more stupid questions I'm going to be forced to rip you apart with my bare hands, so watch your fucking step._

I was trembling with the effort of not murdering him. It was a decidedly unpleasant feeling.

"Uh...oh, Jake, this is...um Edward," Bella stammered, "He's...ah...he's a guy that...well...I mean, he's...um...he's a customer of mine...from the diner."

_Oh dear Lord, she really was the world's worst liar._

_Did I look like the type of person who would eat at a diner? _

_Ridiculous._

Jacob looked at her dubiously.

She clutched her ruined costume closer to her chest.

Jacob's eyes narrowed and his whole body tensed.

"Bella, what the hell happened to your costume?"

He walked over to her quickly and pulled her hands away, looking down at the ripped corset before looking back at her face.

"Jesus! Your mouth! Are you bleeding?"

_Unfortunately, Jacob, yes she is. And if __you don't get out of here immediately, you will be too._

Jacob spun around and glared at me, his body tense and trembling.

"Did you hit my girlfriend, asshole?" he accused through clenched teeth, taking a threatening step toward me.

_That's it Jacob. Just a few more steps. It would be my absolute pleasure to end your life._

"Jacob! Stop it!" Bella cried, gripping his arm and pulling him backwards. "I bit my lip, okay? I tripped over and bit my lip and...Edward was just...Edward was trying to...help me."

_Is that what you call fucking you til you scream my name, Isabella? Helping you? Well, I suppose it is helping you in a way. You say 'potato' I say 'potahto'..._

Jacob grabbed her face and examined her lip, then pulled his shirt up so he could wipe away the blood.

I growled.

_Once again, Jacob, you're messing with what's _mine_. You're really starting to piss me off, boy._

"Jesus, Bells," he said as he wrinkled his nose, "What is that smell?"

He leaned into her, sniffing her like a dog.

"Oh, fuck! That's disgusting. What _is_ that?"

Bella's mouth dropped open and she looked at him in shock. Her eyes flickered to me.

Jacob noticed and turned around, sniffing the air. He moved toward me, his eyes locked on mine as he inhaled.

His face darkened like a storm cloud as his hands balled into fists at his side. His muscles tensed and I could see him practically quivering with rage.

"It's him," he growled, his jaw tight, his eyes drilling into me like a laser. "Bella? Why the FUCK can I smell him ALL OVER YOU?"

He spun around to face her and glared.

I wanted to rip his eyeballs out of his head.

"Jacob..." Bella stammered nervously, "just settle down. Let's go somewhere and talk about this okay?"

"I don't want to go anywhere to talk, Bella," he seethed as he strode over to her and grabbed her shoulders roughly, shaking her with each word, "I want to know WHY THE FUCK you smell like that pale asshole over there, and I want to know RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!"

Isabella whimpered in pain.

The monster inside me exploded out of his cage.

_Bad fucking move, jackass. _

In a second I had my hand around his throat and threw him across the room, snarling in satisfaction as he hit the wall with a resounding thud.

"Edward, NO!" Bella screamed, "Don't hurt him!"

She grabbed my arm to try and hold me back but it was as useful as trying to stop a Mack truck with a piece of string. I twisted out of her grasp and strode over to where Jacob was getting to his feet, my hands grasping the lapels of his jacket as I wrenched him off the ground and held him inches from my itching teeth.

"Don't you EVER lay your filthy hands on her again," I snarled as he struggled uselessly against me. "If you touch her again I'll fucking kill you, and if you have any doubt that I'm absolutely serious, then you're even stupider than you look."

"Edward! Put him down! Now!"

What happened next caught me completely off-guard.

Jacob pulled back one of his giant fists and punched me in the face...and...it...hurt.

I dropped him in surprise and rubbed the spot on my jaw that was tingling in pain.

My thoughts raced.

_How the hell is it possible that this...child...has the strength to hurt me? It's inconceivable._

I was so distracted by the pain that he managed to punch me again, and again it hurt.

_A__ll right, now this is just getting annoying._

"I don't know who the fuck you are," he growled at me, "but you're going to pay for touching my girlfriend."

"Jake, stop it!" Bella said desperately.

He lunged at me but I easily sidestepped him. I drew in a lungful of air so I could speak and the scent of Bella's drying blood once again crashed into me.

I was burning; rage and thirst was turning my insides to ash.

"Did it ever occur to you, boy, that your girlfriend begged me to touch her?" I spat angrily, evading his every jab and punch, "That she was desperate to feel a real man's hands on her? That she was craving the pleasure you consistently failed to give her?"

He lunged at me again, his face contorted with rage.

"You're a fucking dead man!" he yelled, swinging a huge roundhouse. I ducked, but he seemed to anticipate my next move because as I soon as I stood up his palms connected with my chest. I catapulted backwards, smashing into the wall and shattering several bricks with my head.

I looked up at him with surprise and rage.

"You just messed with the wrong dead man, asshole," I snarled, leaping forward and punching him in the face, my knuckles connecting squarely with his nose.

His face exploded in a torrent of blood and he staggered backwards, screaming obscenities at me.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" he roared, lunging at me again. I punched him in the ribs, growling in satisfaction as I felt several of them snap. He collapsed on the floor, groaning in pain and wheezing as his face spewed blood.

"EDWARD! STOP!"

I turned to see Isabella red with rage.

"Leave him alone!" she screamed as she raced over to him, cradling his head in her hands and whispering words of comfort.

The smell of blood filled the air.

I unconsciously started panting, drawing the acrid tang into me, my throat blazing with pain and ripping thirst.

I looked at the blood dripping down Jacob's face. There were splatters of it on Bella's hands and chest. I wanted to lick them off. My tongue twitched.

A low rumble started in my chest and before I knew it I was standing above Jacob, my eyes transfixed by the heavy drops of dark red that were rolling down his chin. I ached to taste it. My whole body quivered with need.

Suddenly, strong arms pulled me back, throwing me across the room. I instinctively dropped into a crouch, my arms wide. A snarl ripped out of my chest.

"Get out of here, leech," a tall broad-shouldered man said bitterly, "or you and I are going to have a problem."

"Sam, please," Bella pleaded as she held a groaning Jacob, "We need to get Jake to the hospital."

Sam dropped down and assessed Jacob's injuries before turning back to me angrily.

"You filthy piece of crap," he snapped, standing up and walking over to me, "I don't know where you came from, Bloodsucker, or why you've come back here, but if you know what's good for you you'll drag your un-dead ass back to wherever you came from before I end you, treaty or no treaty. Do you understand me?"

I straightened up and sneered at him.

I had no idea what he was talking about. What the hell did a treaty have to do with anything? And why was he asking why I'd come back? I'd never seen him before.

"I could snap your neck before you even finished thinking about killing me, you idiot," I seethed, "And I'm not going anywhere without Isabella."

"Wrong," Sam countered, his body quivering and trembling in an alarming way.

"Edward!" Bella yelled, breaking the tension, "Leave. Now. I'm not going anywhere with you. I'm taking Jake to the hospital and then I'm going home. Alone. Get out of here."

She went back to tending to Jacob, wiping the blood off his face with his t-shirt.

The simmering ember of jealousy that had been smoldering inside me ever since Jacob showed up erupted into a volcano of seething resentment.

I clenched my fists at my side to stop myself raging like a child throwing a tantrum.

_After everything we shared tonight, after the impossible pleasure we had given each other, she want__s me to leave? She's going to choose the idiot boy over me? _

_Unacceptable._

_D__oes she give me no credit for my restraint at all? Doesn't she realize how easy it would have been for me to kill him? How I have to fight every single natural instinct to merely leave him beaten and bleeding?_

A torrent of anger and disappointed raged through me.

_D__oes she have the vaguest clue how difficult it was for me to make love to her tonight? How absolutely immense the pain was that I endured for denying the razor-clawed beast that demanded her blood as well as her body? Does she understand that the reason there are no survivors of human/vampire sexual encounters is because it's nearly impossible for us to deny our true natures in the throes of passion?_

_Jesus Christ._

_I denied everything for her tonight. My thirst, my strength, my compulsive need to annihilate goddamn Jacob. Everything. And this is how she treats me?_

I watched as she helped Jacob to his feet, fussing over him like he was an invalid.

I wanted to rip her away from him and run. I wanted to take her to a place where I could scream and rage at her that the welfare of her idiot man-child didn't matter because she was MINE and I was the only person she needed to care about for the rest of her short life. I wanted to make love to her over and over again until the only thought in her head was about me and my body and how absolutely perfectly it fit together with hers.

A low, possessive growl rumbled in my chest.

She turned to me and glared.

"What you did was wrong, Edward," she said softly, anger and disappointment coloring her voice. "He didn't deserve this."

She wrapped Jacob's arm around her shoulders and she and Sam helped escort him back out into the crowded club, toward the exit. Away from me.

I stood in the darkness like a statue, waiting for the immense rage and frustration and bloodlust to wane so I could exit the club without massacring every clueless human that stood between me and the door.

This is not how I pictured this night ending. In my fantasies, I would now be in Isabella's bed, our naked bodies pressed together as her warm hands traveled fire across my skin.

Instead she was still with her Neanderthal boyfriend, and I was alone and trembling with impotent rage.

Again.

_Halloween sucks._

The drive back to Forks was interminable.

It was close to midnight on Halloween night and the highway was full of cars; too many for me to drive the way I needed – fast and angry.

Instead, I fumed as I consistently got stuck behind idiots and imbeciles who meandered their inferior domestic vehicles all over the road like they had a mental illness that forced them to drive in a manner that would infuriate Mother Theresa.

I was in vehicular hell.

As I drove I unleashed a string of obscenities at any driver unfortunate enough to get in my way. I ran my fingers through my hair and beat my hand against the steering wheel in frustration. At one point I decided that some music might soothe me but when I jabbed the 'play' button on the car stereo, my finger went straight through the metal face plate and short-circuited the entire system.

I'm pretty sure I scared nearby woodland creatures with the roar of frustration that tore out of me.

I sighed and tried to calm myself.

I was appallingly unsuccessful.

My thoughts were completely consumed with Isabella and the evening we had just experienced.

There was no doubt in my mind that she felt what I had when we made love – the rightness of it - the overwhelming sense of destiny that flooded through me when my body joined with hers.

She was my mate. There was no doubt in my mind that this woman was made for me, and I for her.

She was the only woman I would ever want to be with, now and forever.

And yet, she'd sent me away. She'd coddled the damaged and whining baby-man like he was a precious piece of broken porcelain and had turned her back on me. Did she not understand that the only reason I laid hands on him in the first place was because he was hurting her? Was she really that ungrateful that she couldn't even see that?

"GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU MOUTH-BREATHING MORON!" I screamed at the Chevrolet in front of me that randomly slowed down for no apparent reason. I sat on the horn and grit my teeth, growling and stamping my foot in frustration.

The driver calmly slowed down further and raised his middle finger to me.

"AAAAAARGH!"

I hit the accelerator and swerved around him, raising my middle finger viciously as I passed.

It didn't give me much satisfaction.

I briefly considered running him off the road and ripping his head off.

If I was still killing for 'justice' this guy would be a borderline case. I don't know what it said about me that I considered slow drivers just below murderers and pedophiles on the 'unforgivable crimes' list.

I was still seething a few minutes later when I heard a siren and caught sight of flashing lights in my review mirror.

_Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me!_

I checked my speed.

A hundred and thirty miles per hour.

_Dammit!_

I had been so pre-occupied with thoughts of Isabella I hadn't even thought to open my mind to scan for police.

What a stupid, reckless mistake.

In all my years I had never received a speeding ticket.

_Well there goes my eighty-year perfect driving record._

_Crap._

I slowed the car down and pulled over to the shoulder, shaking my head as I chastised myself.

_Could this evening possibly get any worse?_

I opened my window and looked up as a flashlight shone straight into my face.

"Evening, son. I'm Chief Swan."

_Apparently it could._

Chief Swan lowered his flashlight slowly as he leaned in to study my face.

"Son, would you like to explain to me why you were doing a hundred and thirty in a sixty zone? Is there a hair product sale on somewhere that I'm not aware of?"

_Did he just insult my hair?_

I tried not to glare.

It wasn't easy.

"I was just anxious to get home, I guess," I said lamely.

Jesus, I was nearly as bad at lying as Isabella.

Yet another reason we were so perfect for each other.

"I'm going to need to see your license and registration," he said tiredly.

I sighed and reached into the glove compartment, handing over what he'd requested and trying not to look like a homicidal creature of the night.

Once again, not easy.

"Well, now, Mr...Cullen, it says here that you're twenty-three? Is that right?"

"Yes, sir," I said, trying to sound like a normal young adult and not like a geriatric who was older than his grandfather.

"And where are you coming from tonight?"

"Port Angeles, sir. There was a...um...rockin'...Halloween party there. It was...awesome."

I wanted to bash my head against the steering wheel.

He shone the flashlight into the car, scanning my body.

"I heard it was a costume party," he said dryly. "What exactly are you supposed to be?"

I looked down at my plain black pants and sweater.

"Ah...a modern-day vampire," I said, slightly embarrassed.

"Son, I'm pretty sure a modern-day vampire would drive something a little cooler than a Volvo."

_First my hair and now my car? _

I was starting to get the distinct impression Chief Swan didn't like me.

"Volvos happen to be very safe cars, sir," I said defensively, "and their handling is exceptional."

"I could see how that would be important to you considering how fast you drive," he countered.

_My point precisely._

He bent down to the window and leaned on the door, inspecting my face and comparing it to my driver's license.

"Did you have anything to drink tonight, Mr Cullen?"

_Well, I had a tiny taste of your daughter's unbelievably euphoric blood which made me c__ome like a freight train, but other than that..._

"No, sir. I would never drink and drive. That's just...uncool."

He stared at me for a long time. Not blinking. His face completely impassive.

I felt the overwhelming need to squirm in my seat.

I never squirmed.

The look of sharp concentration on his face made me uncomfortable.

I looked into his mind.

_This kid is hiding something. Weird eyes. There's something about him that's just...wrong._

He was trying to figure me out.

He knew there was something off about me and he was trying to put his finger on what it was.

Chief Swan was obviously an observant man. I really couldn't afford to have him taking too much of an interest in me.

I needed to stay in Forks. I needed to stay close to Isabella.

I could hardly do that if her father found out about my all-blood diet.

"So, Mr. Cullen, what is it that you do in Forks?" he asked casually.

_Well, mostly, Chief Swan, I stalk your daughter and violate her body in ways that would make you want to murder me horribly. I'm also responsible for the torture and death of several trees. Oh, and let's not forget that I spend my spare time drinking animal blood and vandalizing my own house. I'm really very busy._

"I...uh...work from home mostly."

_Good one, Cullen. That doesn't sound at all suspicious. Serial killers usually work from home too._

"Doing what?" the Chief asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

_Not much. Reading. Playing music. Whacking off in the shower to images of your first-born._

"Trading stocks, mainly," I blurted, having no idea where I was going with this, "I'm also researching a book I'm writing."

His eyebrows raised.

"What's the book about?"

_Good question._

"I'm putting forward a hypothesis that not only does God exist, he's also a vengeful, vindictive ass intent on making my life a living hell."

_Okay. Really didn't mean to say that. Still – I _could_ write a book on that subject._

"Interesting," Chief Swan mumbled as he wrote out my ticket, "My daughter wants to be a writer. She'd probably like to meet you."

_Actually, at the moment, she'd probably like to kill me._

"I haven't seen you around town. Been in the area for long?"

I was getting decidedly uncomfortable with the questioning.

"I moved into a house my mother renovated several months ago," I said, trying to be honest without giving too much away. "I needed a break from my family and Forks seemed like the perfect location to...recharge."

He nodded.

_This kid is lying through his teeth, I just don't know why. He came to Forks to recharge? Bullshit. I might need to pay young Mr__. Cullen a visit one day soon._

I clenched my jaw.

_Dammit._

"All right, son," he said as he handed me back my license and registration and my first and last speeding fine, "I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt because I'm feeling generous tonight. But if I catch you speeding like that again, I'm taking you in, understand?"

"Yes, Chief Swan. I can safely say you'll never catch me going that fast again."

"Good. The slightest mistake going at that speed could turn you into a dead man."

I smiled up at him.

"We wouldn't want that, would we?"

Chief Swan stared at me again for a few moments.

_I don't like this kid. He's a smart__-ass._

My smile faded.

"You have a good night, Mr. Cullen," he said, leaning down and looking straight into my eyes. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you around."

I watched in my rear-view mirror as he got in his car and drove away.

I sighed in relief.

Vampires, on the whole, don't get nervous. It's one of the side-effects of being at the top of the food chain and being practically indestructible.

Chief Swan, however, made me nervous.

I drove at the infuriatingly slow speed limit all the way home.

...

...

...

After the aggravation of receiving a speeding ticket, I parked my car in the garage back at my house and then took off on foot, running fast to try and relieve some of the stress of the evening.

I needed to see Isabella. To touch her. To make sure things were all right between us. But first, I needed to hunt, and claw myself back from the beast who had been so close to the surface all night.

My feet flew across the damp ground as I sniffed the air, searching for something to help take the edge off the vicious burn in my throat and stomach. Deer just wasn't going to cut it tonight. The thick need for human blood still pulsed inside me and I knew that draining an herbivore would do nothing to satisfy me. I needed something stronger.

I raced north, every sense on full alert, looking for the elusive scent of a large predator.

Eventually I found one.

A bear.

Bear wasn't normally my preferred go-to meal, but I didn't have the patience to find mountain lion tonight. They were elusive at the best of times and I needed something immediate.

I followed the scent to a large grizzly that was lumbering east, probably toward water. It reared on its hind legs as I approached, a threatening roar erupting from its throat as it bared its deadly teeth.

Most people would have found the sound terrifying. It was primal and furious and filled with promises of a ripping, painful death.

Of course I wasn't most people. I was a sexually insatiable centenarian vampire with a human fetish, and I was itching for a fight.

The pent-up violence and rage I had been suppressing all night rushed to the surface as the predator inside me took over, bunching all my muscles in preparation, heightening my senses even further, making me aware of every movement of the huge animal's body, every flicker of its dark, furious eyes.

I gave myself over to my primal nature, letting the bloodlust loose, allowing the beast inside me to have his head. Suddenly, all I cared about was the blood. I could hear the bear's giant heartbeat pounding strongly – heavy, wet and thick. I inhaled through my mouth, letting its strong, musky scent hit the back of my throat, and for once not I didn't mind that venom was streaming behind my teeth. I knew the blazing pain wouldn't last for long.

I growled in anticipation as the bear and I circled each other, testing each other's defenses, looking for weaknesses.

It lunged at me, a giant, deadly paw missing me by inches. I bared my teeth and snarled, every muscle screaming at me to stop playing and get down to business.

It was time for blood.

I pulled off my sweater and threw it onto a nearby bush. I'd hunted bears before and they had a nasty habit of ruining my clothing.

I crouched low, ready to pounce. The bear watched me with baleful eyes. It knew what was coming.

It roared again; the loud, guttural warning echoing in the damp stillness. I roared back, screaming all of my tension at the beast before rushing toward it, grappling it around the neck and slamming it to the ground. It thrashed violently, trying to find purchase on my hard skin with its teeth and claws. It twisted and swiped as it attempted to roll out of my grasp, using its superior weight to pin me to the ground.

I grunted as I pushed it away, still gripping its neck as I climbed on top of it, grabbing its head in my hands and straddling its chest. The bear let out one last desperate roar as I wrenched its head to the side and leaned down, sinking my teeth into its neck as the ravenous beast inside me screamed in victory. My teeth tore through the thick fur and skin like tissue paper, a sudden surge of blood spurting across my chest before my mouth descended on the wound, swallowing down huge, salty mouthfuls of warm satiation.

The bear bucked wildly, trying to break my iron grip, its claws scraping savagely across my back. For most opponents, the sharp talons would have cut them to ribbons, bringing certain death.

I barely noticed.

I groaned and closed my eyes as the thick, sweet liquid flowed over my tongue and down my throat. It had been too long since I'd hunted. I hadn't realized how much pain I'd been in until now. Of course the animal's blood didn't completely remove the sharp clawing inside me, but it certainly helped.

My fingers weaved into thick fur as the ecstasy of fresh blood spread through me, my limbs and muscles pulsing with new vitality, the sharp spindles of thirst dulling and fading with every swallow.

The bear's struggles gradually became weaker until finally, they stopped. I swallowed the last mouthful and sighed heavily, looking up into the sky as I fell back onto the damp ground, still clutching the lifeless carcass and allowing myself to enjoy the rush of power and heat that flooded my body.

I lay there for a few minutes, breathing in the smells of the forest and the cool night air as I waited for the fresh blood to dull a cold, unfamiliar ache in my chest.

The ache continued.

I pressed my hand against my chest, trying to massage the pain away.

It was useless.

I knew I ached because of Isabella...because I longed to be with her and I wasn't.

Jesus, I'd really managed to screw things up tonight.

I'd somehow gone from the unimaginable heaven of being joined with her, to the excruciating hell of her telling me to get out and leave her alone.

Didn't she understand my feelings for her? Didn't she know that leaving her alone was no longer an option for me?

I sat up and pushed the bear off me, standing quickly and brushing myself off. I grabbed my sweater and headed to a nearby stream, quickly washing off the excess blood on my chest before putting my sweater back on.

I looked down at my pants. They were covered in mud.

_Great._

I rubbed the mud uselessly with my hands, but that only seemed to spread it around.

I sighed and started running, the forest passing me in a blur as the fresh blood blasted through my body.

My pants didn't matter. Nothing mattered but her.

I needed to see Isabella.

A little mud wasn't going to stop me.

Before I knew it, my tree was coming into view. I patted it affectionately as I leapt onto the window sill, growling as I registered that the window was closed. And locked.

_Unacceptable, Isabella._

I punched my hand through the glass and reached up to release the lock. Then I roughly pushed up the window as I stepped into the room. She was lucky I didn't rip the whole damn thing out of the wall.

I looked around and inhaled.

_Oh, God. There it is. The most torturous and delicious smell on the planet._

I leaned back against the wall as I waited for my body to recover from her scent.

Eventually, the debilitating bloodlust passed. I shook my head in incredulity. It boggled my mind that even though I'd just hunted, her smell could still completely incapacitate me.

The beast in me wasn't an idiot. Although he was still high on the warm liquid currently pumping through my veins, he knew that it was nothing compared to the brilliance of Isabella's blood. It was like comparing a piece of glass to a flawless diamond.

I looked around.

Isabella's bed was empty, and judging by the silence in the rest of the house, she wasn't home.

I hissed in frustration as I realized she must still be at the hospital with Jacob.

The notion that she chose to be with him rather than me bristled and squirmed inside me like a restless viper. I didn't like coming in second to that fool. Actually, I didn't like coming second to anyone where Isabella was concerned.

I moved around the room restlessly, examining knick-knacks and flipping through books, absently touching every item in the room in an effort to feel closer to her. She had a picture of her and her father on her dresser, and another of her and a woman I assumed to be her mother. The older woman had the same dark eyes as Isabella, and I wondered idly if she shared her daughter's incredible blood.

I sincerely hoped not. Having one person in the world whose blood tortured me beyond all belief was enough.

I ran out of things to investigate and turned back to the window.

Shards of broken glass glinted at me from the floor, and sharp flashes of moonlight danced on the walls. I walked over and crouched down, fascinated at how the colorless shards reflected the silvery light. It astounded me how something that was broken beyond repair could be transformed merely by the reflection of something beautiful.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Isabella's truck.

I sighed in relief and quickly picked up all the glass, depositing the sharp pieces in the trash.

It wouldn't be good if Isabella stepped on one and cut herself. I was barely able to control myself when she bit her lip.

I listened as she slammed the truck's door and stomped up the front stairs. By the sound of her movements, she was angry.

I was pretty sure finding me in her bedroom wasn't going to calm her down, but I needed to talk to her. If I was being completely honest, I was also hoping to touch her. A lot.

I moved into the corner of the room, as far away from the door as possible, pressing myself against the wall as I heard her climbing the stairs noisily.

She walked into the dark bedroom and dropped her purse on the bed before sitting heavily beside it and covering her face with her hands.

Her scent was strange.

I could smell Jacob's stench all over her, but there was something else. Something salty. Bitter.

I felt a twinge in the cold spot in my chest.

She'd been crying.

Emotion twisted inside me.

_Was she crying because of me?_

"Isabella."

She gasped and stood up, then flicked on the light as she turned to glare at me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she snapped, her eyes still wet and swollen as a fierce blush spread under her skin. "Didn't you notice I locked the window?"

Her heart was racing and I didn't know if that was because she was angry or afraid. I guessed a little of both.

I stepped forward slowly, trying not to alarm her.

"I noticed," I said quietly, resisting the urge to grab her and trail my finger down her damp cheeks. "I just chose to ignore it. I needed to see you. Why have you been crying?"

"Stay where you are," she said as she backed toward the door, "After what you did tonight...I...Jesus, Edward. Just stay where you are, okay?"

"Are you referring to what I did to you, or what I did to Jacob?" I asked earnestly.

Her heart raced faster.

"Because I'm fairly certain that you enjoyed what I did to you."

Her breathing sped up and she swayed slightly.

_Is she remembering how perfectly our bodies moved together? How we drew unbelievable pleasure out of each other? _

I was finding it hard to think of anything else.

And suddenly, I was just finding it hard.

"What do you want from me?" she asked, breathlessly, eyeing my rapidly swelling crotch.

_Everything and forever. Is that too much to ask? If it is then I at least want you and me, naked and groaning and breathless with lust. We can gradually work our way up to forever._

"I just want to talk," I answered, clawing my way back to the real reason I'd come to see her, "I don't like the way we left things. You're angry with me."

She laughed bitterly.

"Edward, you made me come while my boyfriend was mere yards away, you told him that you were fucking me, and THEN you beat him up in front of me! How the hell did you expect me to react?"

"He's not your boyfriend anymore."

"Neither are you."

The ache in my chest jolted with fresh pain.

"He was hurting you," I said, trying to make her understand, "I wouldn't have hurt him if he hadn't threatened you."

"He's seventeen, Edward! How much damage could he do?"

"You were in pain..."

"I could handle it!"

My anger blazed.

"Well, I couldn't."

She glared at me, her eyes intense.

"Are you sure you didn't just attack him out of jealousy?"

I laughed.

"Isabella, if I allowed myself to act on jealousy, that boy would have been dead the very first time he put his hands on you in the meadow." I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. "I attacked him tonight because he was hurting you, end of story. I refuse to apologize for that. He's lucky you were there to distract me because I could have very easily killed him."

"You speak about killing him as if it's no big deal," she said, horrified.

"Killing is what I do," I said harshly, being more honest than was probably wise. "It's my purpose. The sooner you understand that the less shocked you'll be at my actions. I won't allow anyone to hurt you, and I'll kill anyone who tries, especially Jacob."

"Jesus, Edward. How threatened can you be by him? He's just a kid!"

"No, Isabella," I said firmly, "Jacob Black may be many things, but he is most definitely not _just_ a kid."

She frowned at me.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

I sighed and tried to collect my thoughts. How could I explain what happened with Jacob when I didn't really understand it myself?

"Isabella," I began, "You have to understand that I'm basically indestructible. There are very few things in this world that can hurt me..." - the giant hole in my chest disagreed - "...physically. The main threat to vampires is others of our kind. Humans pose no physical threat to us. Not even if they're armed."

She continued frowning so I continued talking.

"Tonight, when Jacob punched me...it hurt. I felt pain. That's not normal. It should be impossible for a human to hurt me with their bare hands."

She swallowed, her eyes widening in disbelief.

"So? Are you trying to tell me that Jacob is...a vampire?"

"No," I said quickly, "Our kind has a certain, distinctive scent. Kind of sweet and musky. It's strangely appealing..."

"Yeah, I've noticed," she mumbled under her breath.

"Jacob smells...well...quite honestly, Jacob smells disgusting."

"He does not," she protested. "There is nothing wrong with the way Jake smells. I mean, sure, if he comes straight from jogging or football practice he doesn't smell like a bed of roses, but still..."

I tried to ignore the jolt of jealousy that rocked through me at her defense of him. She really needed to stop doing that unless she wanted to see my head explode with rage.

"Isabella, your sense of smell is grossly inferior to mine," I said more sharply than I intended, "and trust me when I say that to me, Jacob smells like rotting meat. It's repellent."

She put her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes at me.

"So he's repellent to you. So what?" she said angrily, "It's not like you two are about to become golfing buddies. Why the hell does it matter?"

I almost laughed at the image of Jacob and me in plaid pants, whacking a small white ball with metal sticks.

I would annihilate Jacob at golf. As I would at any activity in which he attempted to compete with me.

"The fact that he smells wrong,'" I said as patiently as I could, "coupled with his obviously unnatural strength leads me to conclude that Jacob isn't...well...I don't think Jacob's entirely human."

She looked at me for several long moments, her brows furrowed in concentration.

Suddenly, she burst out laughing.

"Isabella?"

She ignored me and giggled loudly as she grabbed her pajamas and robe before walking into the bathroom and slamming the door.

The laughing stopped abruptly as I heard the shower start.

_Okay. She seemed to take that well._

I sat on the bed and sighed as I waited for her.

I needed to speak to Carlisle. There was something strange going on here and I needed to find out what it was. Jacob's friend, Sam, had also smelled strange, and he'd said several things that didn't make sense.

Carlisle would know what to do. He always did.

A few minutes later the bathroom door opened and Isabella strode back into the room wearing her robe over her pajamas, her face devoid of make-up and her hair piled on top of her head.

She looked incredible.

Her fresh, clean scent wafted over me and all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and sniff.

Okay, sniffing wasn't all I wanted to do to her but it was the first on a long list that gradually got more and more perverted.

She stopped in front of me and glared. I stood up and looked down at her.

_God, she's so incredibly beautiful, even when she's angry._

I stiffened under her intense glare.

_Especially when she's angry._

We were only a foot apart and I could feel the heat emanating from her body. Having her so close made the ache in my chest lessen slightly, but I knew the only thing that would make it go away completely would be my hands on her skin.

My eyes were automatically drawn to her neck, long and pale; the sharp pounding of blood just below the surface endlessly fascinating and intoxicating. I longed to run my tongue along the creamy expanse, to feel the soft warmth of her skin.

My mouth filled with venom at the thought.

I quickly looked back to her eyes, ashamed of my body's natural reaction to her.

Her heartbeat was erratic and her breathing was uneven as she looked up at me, her eyes roaming over my features, her face set and hard.

I didn't want her to look at me like that. I wanted her to look at me like I was her master and slave; like I was something essential to her being, like air, or blood. I wanted her to want me – totally and irrationally – the way I wanted her.

I reached out slowly and touched my fingers to her neck. She shuddered and her breath hitched and released quickly as I brushed across her pulse.

As expected, the ache in my chest ceased the moment my fingers met her flesh.

_So soft. I could touch you forever, Isabella. Please let me._

I trailed my hand upwards, reveling in every inch of warm skin. I traced her jaw, watching in awe as her skin blushed beneath my touch, her lips opening as I ghosted over them, hypnotized by their texture.

Her breath tumbled over my cold fingers, and I shivered at the sensation.

_I want to feel her lips on mine, her breath in my mouth, her hands in my hair, her moans on my tongue..._

"God...Isabella," I groaned softly as I stepped into her.

She inhaled loudly and stepped back, looking at the floor.

I sighed as the ache inside me returned with a vengeance.

I clenched my fists against the pain and frustration.

"Isabella, please, talk to me," I pleaded softly, "I can't hear you like I can other people. I need you to tell me what you're thinking."

Her eyes snapped up to mine.

"You can't...hear...me?" she asked, confusion crossing her face. "What the hell are you talking about?"

_Oh, right. Haven't actually told her about the whole 'telepathic' thing yet, have I?_

I sighed and stepped away from her, planting myself against the far wall to try and stop myself from touching her.

"Some vampires have special abilities."

I looked at her. Her face was impassive. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"I mean, we all develop speed and strength, and all our senses are heightened - that's just part of being...what we are. But a few of us also acquire...extra talents."

She didn't comment, so I continued.

"I...well...I have the ability to hear people's thoughts."

She swallowed hard.

"You can hear people's thoughts?" she asked quietly.

"Yes."

"As in, you can read their minds?"

"Yes."

"As in, telepathy."

"Yes."

"But you can't hear me?"

"No," I admitted, "I can read the mind of every human I've ever come across, except you."

"Why?"

"I have no idea, but it's extremely frustrating."

"I see," she said stiffly.

We stared at each other, the air thick and uncomfortable between us.

I wanted her to tell me what she was thinking. I wanted her to tell me that she was sorry she sent me away and that, despite everything, she couldn't be without me. I wanted her to ask me to stay with her, and make love to her, and hold her while she slept.

Instead, she stood there, immobile and silent, her heartbeat continuing its uneasy rhythm in the quiet room.

"Please say something," I pleaded.

She exhaled and looked at me, conflicted and tired.

"What would you like me to say, Edward?" she demanded softly. "Until a few days ago, I thought I knew who I was and who my friends were and how the world worked. And now? Well, now I've learned that the boy I've been dating for two years isn't actually a boy at all but some sort of non-human...thing...who has super-strength and a body odor problem. I've learned that the man I've been fantasizing about for my whole life is a blood-sucking member of the un-dead who can read minds and has to fight every fiber of his vampire nature to avoid killing me every time we're together. And last but definitely not least, I've learned that I'm severely unequipped to deal with either of those realizations."

She looked up at me and the pain and confusion in her eyes was staggering.

"Is that what you wanted to hear?" she asked.

"Not exactly, no."

She nodded and scoffed,

"Oh, and one more thing. Apparently my non-human ex-boyfriend can get beaten up by aforementioned vampire fantasy-man and completely heal within hours."

_What__?_

"He healed?" I asked, incredulous.

"Oh, yeah," she said, sarcastically, "Did I forget to mention that? By the time we reached the hospital he'd completely healed. We turned around and took him back to his house."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Isabella, he had a pulverized nose and several broken ribs. That sort of healing should have taken weeks, not hours."

Her breath hitched.

"Yeah, well, try telling him that," she said softly. "Also...he was hot. Like, burning-up-with-a-raging-fever hot. And he was unbelievably angry. More angry than I'd ever seen him. Scary angry."

Her voice was soft and tremulous, and I knew she was on the verge of tears.

I walked over to her and cupped her face in my hands.

"No," she snapped, as she pushed my hands away and stepped back. "Please, don't touch me. If you touch me then I'll start feeling things I don't want to feel, and wanting things I can't possibly have and I just can't cope with that after the night I've had, because suddenly everything I've ever known and believed has gone up in a giant fucking puff of smoke."

She looked up at me and her eyes were full of guilt.

"Edward, the man I've been dating for two years has turned into a raging ball of anger because of me. Because I hurt him. Because for some reason I don't understand, I _keep_ hurting him, over and over again. Jesus, when did I turn into this fucking awful person who only thinks about herself and what she wants no matter how badly it affects other people?"

"Isabella, you're not a bad person," I reassured her.

"Yes, I am," she said emphatically, her voice wavering with emotion. "He didn't deserve to find us together, Edward, and I should have broken up with him as soon as I found out you were real, because I KNEW you were what I wanted...what I've ALWAYS wanted...and I KNEW I couldn't resist having you. But I stayed with him because I'm selfish, and now I've screwed up everything because I just took what I wanted without thinking for one second about Jake. And, God, he was so angry. He was hurt and furious and he wouldn't stop yelling at me. He's never yelled at me like that. I've deserved it plenty of times, but he's never done it. And the things he said...they hurt so much. Not because they were nasty or hateful but because they were true..."

"Isabella..."

"And then he grabbed me and started squeezing...I was so scared because I never thought that Jake would ever hurt me, no matter what I did...but he kept squeezing...and he was so angry that he was trembling and shaking, and if Sam hadn't pulled him off me when he did, I don't know what might have happened..."

She stopped suddenly, taking a step back and looking at me nervously.

I realized that I was growling. Loudly.

"Edward, I..."

"Did he hurt you?" I demanded quietly, suppressing the violent rage that was flooding my body.

"Edward, he was upset. He didn't know what he was..."

"Isabella," I seethed, barely keeping myself together at the thought of that prick causing her pain. "Answer the question. Did...he...hurt...you?"

She looked up at me and I knew the answer.

"Show me," I said roughly.

"No."

"Isabella..."

"I'll show you if you promise not to lose your shit."

"I can't promise that. Show me. Now."

She reluctantly dropped the robe off her shoulders and I hissed at what I saw. Bruises, thick and dark and in the exact shape of Jacob's Black's giant hands wrapped around the tops of her arms.

_Fucker._

"He's dead," I muttered as a fresh blast of fury ripped through me. In a flash I was at the window preparing to hunt down that gutless motherfucker and show him exactly what pain was.

"No," Isabella cried, running over and grabbing my arm, trying to calm me down. "He didn't mean it. He was angry. He found out I was screwing another man for God's sake. He was out of his mind."

"Why are you defending him?" I snarled, as I turned back to her. "Don't you know how many times I'VE been out of my mind around you? Do you know how hard it is to resist the monster inside me that desperately wants to bite you and drain you and fuck you until your bones break? Do you fully understand how utterly torturous it is to constantly want to kill the only person you want to be with? Jacob doesn't have to deal with that! He was angry? Christ, he doesn't know what anger is! I'm in fucking HELL whenever I'm near you, Isabella, and yet I've never left a mark on you! How can you possibly defend what that asshole did to you?"

She turned away from me.

_Godd__ammit_.

_Good one, Cullen. Way to show her how much you care._

Her shoulders dropped and I heard her swallow heavily.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, "I know that being with me is difficult...I didn't mean to..." She took a deep breath. "I don't want to be a burden to you."

I sighed, angry at myself. She'd been through so much tonight, and I'd just made it worse.

I'd just told her that I'd never hurt her and then I'd turned around and done exactly that. What's more, I was pretty sure I'd hurt her more that idiot-Jacob's giant hands.

I walked over and stood behind her, wanting desperately to touch her but not knowing how she'd react.

I leaned in slightly, letting her hair brush against my face. I inhaled and sighed.

She tensed, her heart echoing loudly in her chest as she held her breath.

_Just do it, idiot. Show her what she means to you. Tell her. Apologize._

I wound my arms around her waist and pulled her back against me, closing my eyes as her warm softness molded to my cold body.

A plaintive groan eased out of her as she relaxed in my arms.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I brushed my lips across her ear, "I never meant to imply that being near you is a burden."

"But it is, isn't it?" she asked softly.

"Not in the way you think," I replied honestly.

She wrapped her arms over mine and leaned her head back on my shoulder. My nose immediately found her jugular and I inhaled, my whole body tensing in response.

"What does it do to you?" she asked, "When you smell me? Does it hurt?"

"Yes."

"Then why do you do it?"

_Why does the sun rise? Why does world turn?_

"Because I can't not."

"I don't understand."

I sniffed her again, my whole body blazing with need and want and perfect pain.

"Being near you is a blessing," I said softly, swallowing my venom as her hands moved gently against mine. "A blessing I never thought I'd ever experience. The pain reminds me how incredible it is that you exist...that your blood – so erotic and mouth-watering and exceptional – sings only to me. No one else."

I brushed my lips over her neck, my cold flesh igniting as it came into contact with her silky skin, her strong pulse pushing up to meet me. "Your blood was made for me, Isabella, but I'll never drain it because there's something I need far more."

"What's that?" she breathed, caressing my fingers with hers.

"You," I answered simply. "I need you. All of you. Desperately. More than I ever thought possible. And I'll endure anything...pain, bloodlust, tides of venom...even Jacob Black...if it means I'm able to be with you."

She turned around in my arms and looked up at me, her beautiful face incandescent in the moonlight.

"Will you always want to kill me?"

_That's a very good question, Isabella. One I really don't have a satisfactory answer for._

I gave her the only answer I could.

"I hope not."

She reached up and traced my features, her warm fingers soft and electric on my cheekbones, my jaw, my forehead, my lips.

"Edward," she sighed as she stood on her toes to press her lips gently to mine. "You speak about being a monster, but I don't see it. All I see is...God...you're just...you're so beautiful."

_No, I'm not, Isabella. You're just seeing your own beauty reflected in me. _

I moved my mouth softly over hers, ignoring the sharp jolts of thirst that were lancing through me, flooding my mouth with venom. I swallowed down the burning acid and tentatively swiped my tongue over her lips, lightly tasting her, hungering for more.

Her lips parted, and when her tongue moved across mine, we groaned in unison.

Suddenly, my hands were all over her – in her hair, around her waist, cupping her cheek, stroking her back. Likewise she was grasping at my body desperately, tugging at my clothes and pulling my hair, all the while moaning and panting and pushing herself up against me. Her desperation for me was exhilarating.

"By the way," she panted as she looked down at my ruined pants, "Why are you covered in mud?"

"I was hunting," I rasped, moving my mouth over her neck, monitoring every pass of my tongue and teeth over the delicate flesh. "My prey was less than cooperative."

"Who were you hunting?" she asked breathlessly.

"Not who. What."

"You don't hunt people?"

"Not anymore."

She moaned as I spun her around and pressed her against the wall.

"Why not?"

"It's immoral."

Her fingers wove through my hair, gripping it fiercely as my mouth continued moving over her neck.

"So you're not a murderer anymore?"

"I'll always be a murderer, Isabella."

"Because of what you've done in your past?"

"Yes."

"But not what you're doing now?"

"No."

"Then what were you hunting tonight?"

"Bear."

She pulled back and looked at me, gasping for air, her eyes wide.

"You're kidding me."

"No."

"You killed a bear? Like a big, lumbering, dangerous bear? By yourself?"

"Yes. A grizzly."

"You drank its blood?"

"That's how I killed it."

She groaned and stepped away from me, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Oh, Jesus, Edward...no, no, no, no..."

I sighed and dropped my head against the wall.

"Isabella..."

"Oh, God...a bear...you killed a bear..."

_Here we go. This is when she realizes I'm a disgusting blood__thirsty monster and sends me away. _

_Might as well get it over with._

"Would you like me to leave?" I asked, totally unprepared for what the hell I would do if she said 'yes'.

She held her hand up to me.

"Just...shush...for a minute," she said in a strangled voice, not looking at me. "I just need a moment, okay?"

I waited for a few seconds as she breathed deeply, obviously trying to calm herself down.

"Does it disgust you?" I asked quietly, "Knowing what I have to do to survive?"

She swallowed heavily and leaned her head against the dresser.

"I wish it disgusted me," she whispered so softly I wouldn't have heard her without my vampire hearing.

"What was that?" I asked.

"I said, I wish it disgusted me," she groaned as she spun around and pushed me against the wall, her hands grasping my head roughly, bringing it down to hers, her mouth hungry and insistent.

_Jesus._

She devoured me, her lips and tongue kissing and sucking at me in a frenzy. I groaned as my whole body exploded with lust.

"God, Edward," she panted, grinding herself against my desperate erection, "Just thinking about you...all primal and hungry and powerful and...Jesus, imagining you taking down a grizzly and...drinking it? Fuck. It's just one of the most arousing mental images I've ever had. What the hell does that say about me?"

"That you're my perfect woman?" I offered breathlessly as I wrapped my fists in her hair and pulled her back to my mouth.

She kissed me again and I was suddenly glad I didn't need to breathe because I'm pretty sure I would have passed out.

"I'm sick aren't I?" she cried, "Getting turned on by that? What the hell is wrong with me?"

"I also hunt mountain lions," I said, growling deep in my chest for effect.

"Oh...God...mountain lions?" she asked, her eyes full of lust, her hands running over my biceps. I flexed for her.

"They're more difficult than bears," I said, trailing my hands up her sides before gently brushing my fingers over her nipples. "Not only are they exceptionally strong and agile, but they're fast too."

She stopped breathing, her eyes wide.

I leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I'm faster."

"Oh, fuck me, YES!" she cried as she launched herself at me again.

I groaned and kissed her deeply, lifting her up and carrying her to the bed.

I lay down beside her, letting my hands explore every curve as we kissed, small moans tumbling out of me as I found new and enthralling pieces of warm skin.

I needed to touch every part of her and have her touch every part of me. I wanted there to be no barriers between us. I wanted to feel her breasts against my naked chest as we made love.

"God, I want you," I moaned, grabbing her leg and lifting it up to my hip as I pressed myself against her. "I'll never not want you, even though you're a complete sicko who gets turned on by animal slaughter."

"Edward," she panted, reaching between us to stroke my length with her palm, "if you want me to fuck you in the near future, you'll need to not make jokes about my obvious psychological problems."

She moved her hand over the straining fabric, squeezing me firmly with each stroke.

"Oh, Jesus," I groaned, "Keep doing that and I'll never bring up your perverted desires again."

She kept stroking me, her hand strong and insistent. I rolled onto my back, and she climbed on top of me, her hand squeezing and massaging me in an excruciating rhythm. I gripped my hair with my hands, trying not to grasp at her delicate flesh.

"Edward," she gasped as her mouth came down on my neck, "I need you to promise me something."

She pushed her left hand underneath my sweater, tracing patterns of aching fire across my skin.

"Oh, God, Isabella," I groaned as her right hand continued to stroke and caress me, "Anything."

"Don't hurt Jake."

"Anything but that."

"Please."

"Can we please talk about this later?" I begged, "I really don't want to think about Jacob while your hand is on my dick."

"Promise me."

"Goddammit. Fine. Just don't stop."

I pushed my head back into the pillow and I felt the wood of the bed-frame creak under the pressure.

Isabella groaned loudly above me, her head mirroring mine, a long, desperate groan oozing out of her.

"Jesus, Edward," she moaned in disbelief, "It's like I can feel everything you're feeling. Every jolt of pleasure. Every stroke of my hand. It's...God...it's beyond incredible."

I clenched my jaw as her hands continued to inflame me, every pass of her fingers firing electric shocks inside me, causing my muscles to bunch and tighten, building the orgasmic pressure I was so unused to feeling.

"Ohhhhhh," I groaned as she pushed up my sweater and lowered her mouth to my chest. "Oh, God...yes, Isabella..."

Suddenly, my pocket started vibrating.

"What's that," she said breathlessly as she teased my nipples.

"Nothing," I moaned, as I grabbed the phone from my pocket and threw it out the window. "Just keep doing what you're doing."

I knew it was probably Alice, and I knew that she wouldn't call me unless it was important, but Jesus, surely she didn't expect me to answer NOW. There was no way.

I reached up and grabbed the headboard, my fingers burrowing into the thick wood like it was butter.

"God, Edward," she rasped, "Your skin. You taste incredible."

I squeezed my eyes shut as she feasted on me, her tongue and mouth driving me insane, making every cell in my body scream out for her.

_God, her tongue. So hot and wet and unbelievably sexy. _

_More, Isabella, give me more._

I groaned loudly as her tongue lathed across my abdomen, her right hand still stroking me, her left hand digging into my shoulder. I was panting, every small inhalation sucking in more of her scent and the smell of her lust. I could feel myself coming apart at the seams and I didn't even care.

My bloodlust flared as the beast felt my self-control start to fray. I buried my fingers further into the headboard, chunks of wood coming off in my fists as I tried to divert the violence that was building in tandem with my climax.

Isabella's phone started to ring.

She looked up.

_NO! Keep your mouth where it was, woman!_

"Ignore it," I ordered as I her pulled her to me, kissing her hungrily, my tongue pushing roughly into her mouth.

"It might be Jake," she said, pulling away.

"More reason to ignore it," I said, grabbing her hips and pulling her on top of my desperate erection.

_Fuck, yes. Right there, Isabella. Feel how good that is?_

I pushed against her and she gasped, her eyes widening as she circled her hips.

"Oh...Jesus, Edward..."

The phone kept ringing.

I didn't care.

All I cared about was the mounting pleasure inside me, the pressure of Isabella's warmth circling over me as it drove us both to the brink of climax, and ensuring I didn't inadvertently kill her.

"Isabella," I groaned as I looked up at her, "Oh, God, yes...

Venom burned my throat and I clenched my jaw against the pain.

_So close...God, so very close._

"Edward...oh, God..."

_Edward!_

Huh?

_Edward! I need to speak to you! Urgently!_

No...no, no, no.

I closed my eyes and tried to block out the thoughts of my incredibly annoying sister.

_EDWARD! I know you can hear me. Come to the window. Now!_

I stopped moving and put my hands over my face.

"Go away," I growled as I reached up to cup Isabella's breasts.

"Did you say something?" she asked breathlessly.

"No," I said as I sat up, wrapping my arms around her and burying my face in her neck.

_Edward! __Put down the human and get the hell over here! Do you honestly think I'd stand out here in the damp and dirt and listen to your disgusting sex noises if it wasn't important, you jackass?_

"I hate you so much right now," I spat as I stood up, striding over to the window with a very shocked Isabella still wrapped around me.

"What did you just say," she said angrily.

"Not you, beautiful," I groaned, "my annoying omniscient sister."

I looked out of the window and sure enough, there was Alice, radiant and ethereal in the moonlight.

"What are you doing here, Alice?" I snapped. "You're supposed to be in Alaska."

She ignored me and waved to Isabella.

"Hi, Bella," she said cheerily, "Sorry to interrupt, but I need to borrow my brother for a few minutes."

Bella looked between Alice and me in shock.

"You have a sister?" she panted.

"Unfortunately," I sighed, placing her gently on her feet as I called out the window, "Alice, come up here, it's starting to rain."

"Ew," I heard her mumble under her breath, "This weather sucks."

In a flash she had climbed through the window and was embracing me in a bone-crushing hug.

I groaned in pain.

_'I've missed you_, _dear brother_,' she thought warmly, '_but for God's sake please get rid of that bulge in your pants. It's gross.'_

I laughed as she let me go and turned to Bella, taking her hands gently.

"Bella Swan," she said with wonder, "I've heard so much about you. I can see why my brother has completely lost his shit over you."

Isabella blushed furiously and it did nothing to help facilitate Alice's request regarding my bulging pants.

"Uh...thanks...I think," she said shyly, "Nice to meet you too,"

"Okay, so," Alice said, looking between us, "I don't want to alarm you both, but we seriously need to get out of here. Now."

Although Alice kept her voice calm, I could feel the panic in her thoughts.

I frowned at her.

_I don't have time to explain, Edward, but believe me when I say if we don't get out of here now, we could be in real trouble._

Her mind flashed with images of fierce ripping pain, enormous black shadows, and Bella and me, running for our lives.

"Jesus, Alice," I said so quietly only she could hear me, "What the hell is that?"

_I don't know. I can't get a clear picture, but it's bad, Edward, and it's on its way here._

I raced to Isabella's closet and grabbed a jacket and some shoes.

"Put these on," I said urgently, "quickly."

She pulled on the shoes and looked at me with concern as I helped her into her jacket.

"Edward, what's going on?"

I grabbed her hand and pulled her down the stairs.

"Alice will explain everything once we get out of here."

"Where are we going?" she asked as she stumbled behind me.

"To my place," I said, pulling open the front door.

"Edward!"

Alice's voice stopped me in my tracks about the same time the massive stench of rotting meat hit me.

A huge defensive growl tore out of me as I registered the three hulking shapes moving toward us in the darkness.

"Edward?" Isabella said, as I automatically pushed her behind me. "What the hell are they?"

My instincts told me to attack first and ask questions later, but the images in Alice's head warned me that if we didn't get out of here immediately, we might not live to ask questions.

I pulled Isabella onto my back. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist.

"Hold on tight," I said roughly, "Don't let go until I tell you to."

Alice looked at me. Her thoughts told me she was going to try and buy us some time. I hoped like hell she'd be okay.

"You ready?" I asked softly.

She nodded and kissed me on the cheek.

"Love you, brother."

"Love you too," I said, emotion rising in my throat.

Low, ferocious growls came from the dark beasts, causing all the muscles in my body to tense for a fight, but I knew that even I couldn't beat the odds when it was three against one.

"Are you okay?" I asked Isabella.

"Uh huh," she whispered, her voice trembling and scared. I could feel her heart pounding furiously through my back.

"We'll be fine," I said softly, giving her legs a gentle squeeze to reassure her, "Just close your eyes and hold on. I don't want to lose you."

I couldn't lose her. That was simply not an option.

Alice and I looked back at the shadowy shapes, huge and dark and ominous.

And then, we ran.

...

...

...

* * *

**Author Notes**

**Oh, bugger.**

**Why on earth are the wolfies hunting Edward and Bella?**

**All will become clear, sweet readers.**

**Come play on the Grasping Darkness thread on Twilighted. ****I**** post teasers and pics.**

**WindowWard is thrilled you're all reading his little fic. Please leave him some love (or lust. He's cool with either.)**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	7. The Howling

**Chapter Notes**

**A huge thank you to my Beta-Goddess, Irritable_Grizzzly ****who makes everything ****I**** write better because of her awesomeness. ****I**** miss you, baby.**

**Also thanks to my pre-readers, savanablue and lavishone1. You h00rs make me smile.**

**Disclaimer: ****I**** don't own the Twilight characters, just the screwed up situations ****I**** put them in.**

**NOTE: Although this story is basically canon, ****I**** do take liberties with some of the mythology. For example, f****or the purpose of this story, Edward can't read the minds of the wolf-pack when they're phased. **

_**Last chapter: Edward and Bella's sexy times were interrupted when Alice showed up with a disturbing vision. Before our intrepid threesome could escape, a trio of huge wolves rocked up on their doorstep. They're now running for their lives.**_

**Enjoy.**

**

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**Chapter 7 – The Howling**

**EPOV**

I could hear the deep snarling of the wolves as I plunged into the woods in the opposite direction to my sister.

Through her eyes I could see the wolves snap at her as she passed, narrowly missing as she circled around them once and dashed away, drawing them behind her as they gnashed and slobbered, their rancid breath gusting over her back as she led them south.

_Please, God, if I never ask you for anything again, please protect her. I don't know what I'd do without her._

I kept one small part of my mind focused on Alice as I turned my attention to getting Isabella to safety. I veered north-east, toward my house.

From there I could bundle her in the car and get the hell out of Forks. I had no idea why we were being chased by giant wolves, but I really didn't have the inclination to stick around and find out.

The silver-black trees were nothing but a blur as I called on all my speed, weaving through the undergrowth as smoothly as possible so as not to harm my precious cargo.

Isabella was gripping me fiercely, her arms wrapped around my neck and her legs locked around my waist. The violent, desperate thudding of her heart beat through my back like a drum; the frantic pounding of her blood providing an ominous accompaniment to my footfalls.

My mind raced as fast as my legs as the evening's events blasted holes in my concentration. The wolves – vicious and dark and unnaturally huge – dripping with rage and smelling like rotting meat. The same foul scent that had shrouded Jacob and his aggressive friend, Sam.

The implications of what that meant squirmed uncomfortably inside my mind, tapping into different theories and possibilities, trying to find an explanation that didn't sound like a clichéd monster movie.

What I was contemplating was impossible, and even if it wasn't, surely I'd have heard about it in all my years walking this earth.

Werewolves?

Ridiculous.

And yet what other conclusion could I draw? The scents were unmistakable.

Isabella groaned quietly.

"Oh, shit. Why the hell did I open my eyes? Idiot!"

Her breath was hot and fast on my ear, and I suddenly wanted nothing more than to stop running and pull her into my arms, whispering to her that she shouldn't be frightened, and that everything would be okay. But the truth was that maybe it wouldn't be okay. Maybe we were in real trouble.

For so many years, I lived with the knowledge that I was indestructible. That my family was indestructible. Seeing those wolves tonight shattered that belief.

I knew without a doubt that if they managed to get a hold of Alice...or me...that we would be torn to pieces, like a dog destroying a newspaper.

The knowledge rocked me to my core.

I didn't like feeling vulnerable.

It's safe to say it pissed me off.

_EDWARD!_

Alice's scream ripped through my mind.

_Oh, God. No._

I stopped dead in my tracks and pressed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets as images of huge, dripping fangs and tearing pain pummeled me.

"Alice," I gasped as the dead cavity of my heart exploded with fear and fury.

I turned and ran, faster and harder than ever before as pictures of my sister being attacked continued to infiltrate my brain.

_Her fist connecting with a huge, snarling head...impossibly long fangs sinking into her stone-hard arm like it was butter...her scream as another set of fangs closed over her shoulder, piercing her, front and back._

"Edward?" Isabella panted into my ear. "What's wrong? Is Alice okay?"

I couldn't answer her. I couldn't speak. I had to get to my sister.

_God – you bastard. I ask you for ONE thing! ONE! _

I could smell the wolves before I could see them, their stench coating the ground and trees as I came into a small clearing.

Alice was on the ground, her legs flailing wildly as a wolf snapped at her legs. One was latched onto her arm and another was savaging her shoulder, the ferocious growls of the huge beasts and my furious sister tearing through the air.

Seeing my sister being attacked blasted white-hot fury through me, and the monster inside me roared his need for painful, bloody revenge.

But first, I had to make sure that Isabella was out of harm's way.

"Are you afraid of heights?" I asked, leaping quickly into a nearby tree.

"No," she answered breathlessly as I pulled her from my body and perched her on a thick branch.

"Good," I said, wrapping her arms around the trunk before cupping her cheek with my palm. "Hold on tight. I'll be back."

I leapt to the ground, the rhythm of Isabella's frightened heartbeat still ringing in my ears as I raced toward my sister, my fists clenched impossibly tight as I let my beast inhabit me fully. My humanity went and sat quietly in the corner as I let every base, primal instinct inside me blast forth with brutal force, pulsing surging waves of fury and pure ripping violence through my trembling body.

I reached the wolf that was mauling Alice's shoulder and grabbed its muzzle, pulling its jaws apart roughly and smiling as I heard a sickening crack. It roared in pain and tried to squirm out of my grasp. I grabbed its giant skull in a head-lock and swung it around, slamming it viciously into a tree, shattering bones and hopefully rupturing several important internal organs.

Its whimpers of agony filled me with sadistic satisfaction as I turned and grabbed the second wolf, its eyes blazing at me as it continued to maul my sister's arm.

My fingers dug into the huge animal's throat and I squeezed, feeling cartilage and muscle bunching under my hands until it released her. It bucked violently as it tried to latch onto my arms, its huge paws shoving me in the chest, the impact flinging me backwards.

I flipped in the air and landed on my feet; a dark, furious growl ripping out of me as the arm-biter and the large black wolf turned to me, allowing Alice to get slowly to her feet.

_Edward, I'm fine. Get out of here._

I clenched my teeth as I took in the damage to Alice's arm and shoulder. Huge gaping wounds marred her perfect skin; dark, thick blood oozing from her and staining her white coat.

She was, very obviously, not fine.

A new wave of rage hurricaned through me, blurring my mind with images of mindless, blood-thirsty carnage. Venom gushed into my mouth and I gladly swallowed it down, letting the inferno that erupted in my guts fuel my already blazing rabidity.

_Edward, NO! You can't take them both on! They'll kill you!_

"Come on, you fuckers," I seethed, ignoring her as I crouched low, bunching my muscles in anticipation. "I'm what you came for. Come and get me."

The smaller of the two wolves leapt at me. I sidestepped it and wrapped my arms around its throat, hauling its body into the air before slamming it into the ground. It immediately rolled and whipped around, swiping a huge clawed-paw across my chest and shredding my sweater, its dirty talons gouging deep furrows into my skin and muscle.

I roared in pain and charged at it, ducking and weaving away from its claws and teeth as I pummeled it with my fists, breaking bone after bone in a tirade of savagery, every sharp snap inside it sweet music to my ears.

_EDWARD, LOOK OUT!_

I turned to see the other wolf lunging at me, its jaws wide and wild, its yellow eyes filled with rage and hate. I held my arms out to deflect its paws and the full force of its leap knocked me backwards as our chests collided, careening us both across the forest floor in a flurry of leaves and dirt. The huge animal rolled on top of me, its jaws snapping like a guillotine as I gripped the thick fur at the back of its neck and wrenched it backwards.

Jesus, he was strong.

Even the biggest bear I'd ever come across had never posed a challenge to me physically, but these wolves...

They were huge and strong and fast, and judging by the huge gashes across my chest, they were obviously equipped to deal with a vampire's impervious skin.

Still, they may have had the brawn, but I was fast and agile, and if I could keep fighting them one by one, I might stand a chance.

Of course, if they decided to gang up on me...

My thoughts were interrupted by the wolf trying to sink its fangs into my arms as I gripped huge handfuls of coarse fur, straining to keep its deadly head away from me.

_Stop your damn thrashing, you overgrown mongrel! _

In all my years, I had never been in a fight to the death. I guess I could tick that one off my bucket list now.

I pulled my legs up to my chest and wedged my feet under the beast's writhing body, kicking out with as much force as I could muster, catapulting him toward a giant pine. His huge body hit the tree with a loud thud, the bark splintering like shrapnel around him and lodging in his fur.

I leapt to my feet as he righted himself and spun to face him.

The other two wolves we on their feet again, their lips pulling back from their teeth as all three of them snarled at me.

I snarled back, my voice rattling low and dark inside my chest.

_You want to snarl at me, assholes? Bring it on. _

The black wolf crouched low, growling quietly as the other wolves moved over to his position.

_Jesus_.

I had beaten the hell out of both of the smaller wolves and they were barely limping. If it was any other creature they would be gasping their dying breaths right now, but the wolves hardly looked fazed.

_Jacob's injuries had healed by the time they reached the hospital._

Obviously vampires weren't the only ones with extraordinary healing abilities.

Alice dashed to my side as we watched the three wolves come together, growling low and menacing as they formed a phalanx, the large black wolf at the head.

Their yellow eyes moved between Alice and me warily, their huge paws crunching the sodden leaves on the ground as they advanced on us slowly.

Relentlessly.

Alice and I started walking backwards.

We weren't going to win this.

"Alice..."

"No way, Edward."

"Take Bella and get out of here."

"Absolutely not."

"You need to get her to safety."

"They're going to kill you."

"I can outrun them."

"You don't know that."

"Well, I'm pretty sure that imminent death is going to help motivate me."

I looked over at the tree where Bella was still huddled, her face a mask of fear and concern as she met my gaze.

"Edward," she whispered, her voice tremulous and emotional, "No."

"I have to," I whispered back, knowing very well that she couldn't hear me.

I wished I had time to tell her...everything. How I felt about her. How much she'd enriched my life simply by existing. How, even now when death was stalking me on lupine paws, the need to go to her and wrap her body in mine was almost impossible to deny.

"Get her out of here, Alice," I said, glancing quickly into my sister's panicked eyes. "Please."

She nodded, her eyes glazing over for a few seconds before saying, "I can't read them, Edward. I don't know what's going to happen."

"What's going to happen is that I'm going to run, Alice," I said as I looked back at the wolves, "and these overgrown Pomeranians are going to chase me, aren't you, boys?"

They had stopped advancing and were looking at each other.

If I didn't know better I would swear they were communicating.

Plotting.

_How the hell did wolves plot?_

"They're going to attack," I said, not taking my eyes off them and stepping forward slightly. "Go. Take Bella back to the house. If I don't make it..."

"Don't even talk about it," she said firmly, "You outrun these flea-ridden dogs and then come and meet us. That's an order, Edward."

I looked up at Bella one last time, memorizing every feature, every curve, every flicker of fear in her eyes; drawing the faint smell of her scent inside my lungs and locking it there, letting it feed my newly-discovered need for survival.

"Yes, Ma'am," I said as I turned back to the wolves.

They lowered their heads, their growls getting more threatening as I walked toward them.

"Now," I said loudly, stopping a dozen yards from them and dropping into a low crouch like a sprinter lining up at the starting blocks, "Be good doggies and play fetch."

I took off, blasting past them. I tried not to breathe as their foul smell swirled around me in a cloud of debris that stirred in my wake. I could hear them grunting and growling as they gave chase, and I was grateful to hear three heartbeats following me, ensuring Alice and Bella could escape.

_If anything happened to Isabella I'd..._

_Jesus, I don't know what I'd do. Probably let the wolves catch me._

I concentrated on the sound of my footfalls and not the possibility of Isabella getting hurt.

I wanted this night to be over.

I wanted to be back at my house with Isabella, watching nervously as she looked around my bedroom. I wanted to see her standing in my kitchen as I clumsily tried to make her something to eat. I wanted to look into her eyes and know that she wanted me. Only me.

I wanted to have her pull my shirt off and run her warm hands over my skin. I wanted to be buried in her neck, breathing in her scent and trying not to kill her. Last on my list of things I wanted was being chased through the woods at two o'clock in the morning by mutant car-chasers.

As usual, what I wanted and what a got were universes apart.

I knew the wolves' size and weight could work to my advantage. They may have been able to match my speed, but not my maneuverability, and I intended to run those mongrels ragged.

I sprinted through the trees, changing direction often, gaining ground when the wolves had to adjust course, their heavy bodies not able to turn as easily as mine. In a few minutes I had put a hundred feet between us, my legs pumping furiously as tried to gain more ground. The undergrowth behind me exploded and crashed as the huge, furry bodies flattened anything in their path.

_That's it, dogs, demolish the forest. Every obstacle you run into slows you down just a little bit more._

The lacerations on my chest were burning, itching for me to cover them with venom and offer myself relief from the gnawing pain, but the last thing I could afford to do at the moment was stop to lick my wounds. I was surprised they hadn't already healed, but there must have been something unusual about the wolves' claws to generate this amount of pain. It was like they were dipped in poison and the sharp, glass-edged toxin was shimmying and rotating inside the jagged wounds.

To experience true physical pain not related to bloodlust was an unusual feeling for me.

I didn't like it.

At all.

I pushed the pain aside and kept running, pushing myself faster, further; cutting and swiveling right angles and hairpin turns through the damp stillness of the night-inked forest.

The wolves stayed with me, snarling and panting, matching my movements unerringly, only allowing me to gain a few feet every few miles. Never giving me the break I needed to shoot away from them.

I was becoming more frustrated by the second.

It shouldn't be taking this long.

I was running at full speed, and without sounding like an egotistical ass, speed was my thing. Even among vampires I was considered fast. Extremely fast. And yet these dogs were nearly matching me.

Everything I learned about them made them more of an enigma, and more utterly aggravating. My desperate need to kill them swelled and grew to epic proportions.

I leapt a river, cursing under my breath as I heard the wolves make the same leap.

_Alright. I'm bored with this now._

I changed direction and frowned as I noticed a faint hint of wolf stench on the breeze. It wouldn't have concerned me except that the scent was coming from in front of me.

I listened.

Definitely three heartbeats behind me.

I concentrated as the smell got stronger, making my nostrils burn and twitch uncomfortably.

And then I heard it. Another heavy, large heartbeat, several hundred yards in front of me and closing fast.

_Godammit. Seriously? Four of them?_

The heartbeats behind me moved further away from each other, fanning out in a line.

They were flanking me. Giving me less room to maneuver. No matter which way I turned I would be heading closer to at least one of them.

The heartbeat in front of me matched my changes in direction, closing in on me, slowly and surely.

With one in front of me and three behind, my hope of outrunning them seemed more and more unlikely.

A fight was inevitable.

The beast in me rejoiced at the thought of an all-out brawl. The realist in me knew that against four of them, I wasn't going to survive.

Suddenly, Isabella's face appeared in my mind – sad and stunningly beautiful.

I'd wasted so many years without her, taking my immortality for granted, stumbling through an empty existence. And now...

Now that I'd found her, I'd be damned if I let these mongrels end me without a fight.

_I may not stand a chance against four of them, but if I'm going down, then I'm sure as hell taking some of them with me._

I shot forward, heading directly toward the lone wolf at the front. If I could take him out before the others caught up, I might still be able to get away.

I sprinted through the forest, gritting my teeth as I saw him, huge and snarling and fast as hell.

_See Spot run..._

Venom flooded my mouth as all my senses went on full alert.

I looked at the huge beast through my predator eyes. He was now my prey, and I was suddenly ravenous for wolf blood.

We leapt at each other at the same time, our bodies colliding mid-air with an unnaturally loud crash. We fell heavily to the ground, a tangle of limbs and fangs and inhuman growls. His claws tore at me as my arms encircled him, squeezing his chest and forcing the air out of his lungs.

His strength waned for a moment, but that was all the time I needed to sink my teeth into his neck and suck down several mouthfuls of foul-tasting blood.

I nearly gagged as I swallowed the hideous liquid, but as soon as it hit my stomach, an explosion of blinding power blasted through me, shocking me with the force of it.

_Jesus Christ!_

It was like nothing I had ever known.

My muscles erupted with new vigor, every vein coursing the miraculous wolf-blood through me, millions of tiny explosions filling my body with boundless, dazzling strength.

My senses were flooded with minute detail, every small shift in the air feeling like a cyclone against my skin.

I could see tiny spores floating through the air, eddying and swirling, forming intricate patterns in front of my eyes.

The wolf's rough fur rasped loudly as I clenched my fists, gripping the huge body closer to me as its thick, pungent blood pumped into my mouth.

I groaned as the power continued to pulse through me - bright and sparkling and endless.

The wolf in my arms whimpered plaintively.

I ignored it.

I was too busy marveling at the symphonic percussion of the leaves as a light breeze rustled through the forest.

Suddenly, the other wolves burst into the clearing, growling their fury as they found me fangs-deep in their pack-buddy.

Before I could unclamp my mouth, the huge black wolf drove into me like a pile-driver, his head butting me like a bull, throwing me high into the air.

I somersaulted and landed in a tree, all too aware of the snapping jaws waiting for me below.

Not that I was particularly concerned. The wolf-blood rocketing through me made me feel invincible. I felt like I could tear all their throats out in a heartbeat.

The rush of power was intoxicating.

I leapt to the ground a short distance away from them, wiping my mouth and watching as they automatically formed a tight triangle. The wolf I'd fed on limped weakly to join the others.

I smiled.

My body was thrumming with strength. Ridiculous amounts of strength. Strength I couldn't possibly fathom if I hadn't experienced it for myself.

I felt like I could fly.

The wolves snarled in unison.

I resisted laughing like a maniac.

They had no idea what was about to hit them.

"I'm not going to lie to you, boys," I said cheerily, "This is going to hurt."

They erupted into action and suddenly, the whole world went into slow-motion.

I watched calmly as they bounded toward me, their eyes hard and focused, their mouths open and dripping with hatred and sharp death.

I leapt over them easily, whipping around to wrench a pine tree out of the ground and wielding it like a baseball bat.

They all skidded to a halt and turned, sharp sprays of dirt flying up under their sliding feet as they snarled their frustration, their feral features becoming even more murderous. I swung the huge tree like it weighed nothing, hitting the end wolf first, before smashing into them all with the dense branches. They left the ground and howled in pain as I hurled the tree away from me, taking the giant fur balls with it like a huge broom.

The tree crashed to the ground a short distance away and the wolves rolled and scrambled to their feet, quickly reforming into a tight pack and racing back toward me.

I chuckled at their ridiculousness - coming at me in slow motion, slobbering and growling like common house-dogs.

They were pathetic.

I was untouchable.

"I don't know any of your names," I said amiably as I evaded them easily, their snapping jaws closing on the empty space I had inhabited a millisecond before, "so I'm going to name you 'breakfast', 'lunch', 'dinner' and 'dessert'. Hope you're all cool with that."

I grabbed the black one by the tail and swung him around, smashing him into his pack-mates with sadistic satisfaction.

_It would be too much to rub my hands together and yell 'MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!,' wouldn't it?_

I contented myself with laughing loudly as I leapt over the growling, slavering pack, easily avoiding their snapping jaws and swiping claws.

I landed lightly and turned around to see them coming at me again.

_Okay, Cullen, stop playing with your food. Time to finish this._

Suddenly, the world snapped back into real-time as a paralyzing pain coiled in my guts, buckling my knees as I screamed in agony.

_Ripping, slicing..._

_oh...__Jesus...what's happening?_

I was vaguely aware of the wolves bearing down on me as blades of white-hot fire sliced through me, and a small voice inside shrieked at me to get up...to move...before it was too late.

I tried to move.

It was like trying to lift a planet.

My muscles were locked and spasming as the most excruciating pain I'd ever experienced crippled me. I writhed and groaned, struggling to open my eyes to see exactly what was flaying my skin from my muscles.

It felt like I was being eviscerated.

_Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop... _

_Please..._

I staggered to my feet and somehow managed to leap over the wolves at the very last second, but the accompanying pain felt like I was being hacked in two by a machete.

I hit the ground and started running, every step shooting serrated daggers of agony through me.

_The blood. _

_The goddamn wolf blood._

I clutched my stomach as I ran, as if that could possibly help relieve the shredding blades twisting and tearing inside me.

I could hear the wolves gaining, panting and growling in imminent celebration, salivating for the sound of my rending flesh.

I stumbled and fell, my body curling in on itself as huge shafts of pain continued to cleave through me, making me writhe and groan pathetically, every ounce of my former power heaving out of me as I violently vomited up the wolf blood in huge clotted heaps on the damp forest floor.

I felt hot, rancid breath on me as the wolves started to tear at me, their fangs sinking deep into my body, barely adding to the immeasurable pain I was already feeling.

Once again the world stretched and bent into slow motion as four sets of razor sharp teeth shredded my skin.

I felt long fangs latch onto my left arm, and then suddenly, my arm was gone.

I hardly felt it as it was ripped from my body.

I curled tighter on myself trying to give them less surface area to attack. They head-butted me and clawed at me, trying to get me to open up.

The pain was sending waves of dizzying blackness through my mind, making time and reality meld into confusing snapshots of noise and movement.

"EDWARD!"

_I'm sorry, Edward can't talk to you right now. He's busy being eaten alive._

"STOP! You are violating the treaty laid down by your former chief, Ephraim Black! I order you to stop this NOW!"

The fangs stopped tearing but the pain didn't lessen. Expanding waves of sound floated over me as the blackness behind my eyes exploded, razor sharp pinpoints of red suffusing the pulsing darkness.

I heard savage, angry noises. I didn't know what they were. I didn't care. Everything hurt.

"Four against one? Nice, assholes."

_Emmett?_

"Let's see how you like it with even odds, dogs."

_Jasper?_

I heard howling and whimpers of pain.

"THAT'S ENOUGH! STOP IT! ALL OF YOU!"

Carlisle. Using his scary voice.

Cold fingers, touching me, stroking my hair, resting against my forehead.

The pain continued to blaze.

I heard a low, wounded noise.

I think it was me.

"Jesus, he's burning up."

Alice. My beautiful sister.

_What__'s she doing here? She's supposed to be with Isabella. _

I tried to ask her where Isabella was, but all that came out was a strangled moan.

"Carlisle! He looks bad. You'd better come over here."

I needed to talk...to ask her about Isabella but when I opened my mouth to speak, nothing came out. The pain was filling my throat. I was choking on it. Gasping for air I didn't need.

I'm pretty sure I vomited again.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to focus on anything but the blinding pain.

Isabella.

_Alice wouldn't have left her unless she was safe. She knows how much she means to me._

Another spasm of pain hit me. My back arched as I convulsed in agony, my muscles seizing and trembling, unbearable pain twisting and snapping inside me.

_I think I preferred it when the wolves were savaging me. _

I clutched at my stomach with my right hand. I was confused as to why my left hand wasn't there.

_It's gone, remember? The wolves took it._

Isabella will be disappointed. She liked my hands.

_I'm glad she's not here to see me like this. _

I was a prisoner in my own body. The pain was consuming me. Eating me from the inside like millions of hungry fire-ants, crawling and gnawing, stripping me down to my bones.

_If Isabella was here she would touch me and it would all go away._

"Edward?"

_Carlisle__. _

"Son, please, say something."

_Can't talk through the pain. My jaw is fused shut by the molten lava shooting through my veins._

"Alice?"

"I can't see anything...just flashes. I have no idea what the hell is going on, Carlisle."

"I think he drank wolf-blood."

"What? That's...oh, ew. That's disgusting."

"It's poisoning him."

"Will he be okay?"

"I don't know. His system seems to be rejecting it. If he keeps vomiting and gets it out of his system, then...perhaps."

"Oh...great. More vomiting."

"Get his arm. It's over near that tree."

"Oh, man. Gross."

I felt a strange, bubbling pressure in my throat and realized I was laughing.

Bad move.

Every movement of my abdomen was like a slow-moving eternity of agony.

"He's laughing. I think that's probably a good sign."

"He really does have the weirdest sense of humor on the planet."

I vomited again.

"Edward! Please barf away from the designer footwear!"

I chuckled again and it hurt like hell. Damn Alice for always being able to make me laugh.

"Alice, go and help your brothers."

"Fine. At least they don't have regurgitation issues."

I felt cold hands on me, pushing and prodding, soothing and healing.

Through the lessening waves of gut-wrenching pain I started to become aware of my left arm again. I clenched my fist gratefully.

"Son? Can you say something?"

I took a deep breath, pushing down the instinct to bellow in pain.

"Ow."

I heard Carlisle sigh in relief.

"Oh, thank God," he said softly.

"Don't thank that prick," I rasped bitterly, rolling onto my back but still clutching my spasming stomach, "He's the reason I'm in this mess in the first place."

I wrenched open my eyelids and looked at Carlisle. His face was furrowed in concern.

"Son, your eyes..." he said in disbelief.

"What about them?" I groaned, as I rolled onto my side.

"They're...good Lord...well...they're green."

I closed them as another wave of pain plunged through me.

"Wow," I moaned, "that wish I made to be a real boy actually paid off."

"This is remarkable."

"If by 'remarkable' you mean totally and utterly unbearably painful, then yes. It is."

"It must be a side-effect of the wolf-blood."

"Yes, green eyes and excruciating pain. Also cures baldness and erectile dysfunction. It's a miracle."

I could practically hear the cogs of Carlisle's brain ticking over with a need to find out more, but I was slightly distracted by my desperate need to not scream in agony.

I managed to dial it down to a loud groan.

I immediately felt Carlisle's hands on me, trying to give me comfort.

"Edward, what happened? Do you know why the wolves attacked you?"

"No. I have no idea."

"You haven't done anything...reckless...in regards to your feeding here in Forks?"

I sighed as another wave of pain dulled to a clawing ache.

"Carlisle, if you're asking about Isabella, then no. She's alive and well. I hope."

_God, if she isn't, someone is going to pay._

The pain weakened a little more and I opened my eyes again, managing to sit up with Carlisle's help.

The world blurred and swayed around me.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on my father's face.

"Carlisle, what the hell is going on here? Did you know that there were werewolves in this town?"

He avoided my gaze and grabbed my left hand, telling me to squeeze his. I obliged and waited for his answer.

Finally he looked up at me and frowned.

"Yes, son. I knew about the werewolves. Shape-shifters actually. We encountered them the first time we were here in nineteen thirty-six."

"You lived here before?"

"Yes. Just Esme, Emmett, Rose and myself. You were off...rebelling...and Alice and Jas didn't join us until after we left."

"And you didn't think to tell the rest of us about this?"

He sighed.

"I didn't think it was relevant. The Quileute's particular...condition...is the only one I've ever seen. When we left the area, I didn't think it would be a problem anymore."

"What about when I decided to move back here?" I said, incredulous, "You didn't think to give me a tiny heads-up about the giant, vampire-eating dogs?"

"Edward, the wolves are banned from attacking Cullens. The Quileute chief and I came to an arrangement many years ago that vegetarian vampires are protected as part of a treaty. The only reason the wolves would attack is if they believed you had violated that treaty."

"By doing what?"

"Feeding on humans."

My mind raced, thinking back to Isabella's bleeding lip.

"Oh, come on!" I cried in frustration, "She bit her lip. I licked it. I'd hardly call that 'feeding.'"

Carlisle shook his head.

"No. They wouldn't consider that a breach. Although, as your father, I have to tell you that was an incredibly stupid thing to do."

I sighed.

"I know."

"I mean, really, Edward, she's your singer. What if that small taste of blood had made you to lose control?"

_Well, it certainly caused me to lose control of my orgasm._

"I know, Carlisle. I wasn't thinking."

_Not with my brain anyway._

"There must be some other reason." He looked into my face, trying to see if I was okay. "How are you feeling? Can you stand?"

I exhaled as squirming pain coiled inside me.

"I'm fine."

I stood up, stumbling a little before Carlisle grabbed my shoulders to steady me. I hissed in pain as he gripped my still-healing left arm.

"Sorry."

My voice was barely a whisper.

"No problem."

I exhaled slowly and took a moment to assess the damage the wolves had done.

_Well, I guess I won't be wearing this outfit again._

My sweater and trousers were completely shredded, hanging off me in large chunks of ruined fabric. In between the frayed strips I could see the wounds that covered my body. Huge gaping claw marks and puncture wounds covered most of my skin. The wounds burned and ached, and I looked at Carlisle in confusion.

"The wounds aren't healing, Carlisle. What the hell?"

He nodded.

"I think the wolves have a toxin that affects our ability to heal. I have something back at the house that will help. A venom compound I've been working on."

For years, Carlisle had been tinkering with various concoctions based on vampire venom. He hoped to make a compound that would heal humans as well as vampires.

Judging by the amount of damage I had sustained, I seriously hoped it worked.

"Don't vicious dogs normally get put to sleep?" I asked bitterly as I looked at my devastated skin.

Carlisle smiled and patted my shoulder.

I yelped in pain.

"Dammit. Sorry, son," he said, wincing.

I breathed through the pain, walking stiffly to the other side of him so that my right shoulder was facing him.

"Let's find out exactly why they attacked you, shall we?" he said as he steered me over to the other side of the clearing.

Jasper and Emmett were there, standing over four surly young men who were sitting on the ground, half naked and wearing ragged shorts.

"Dude, you look like crap," Emmett said loudly, "Looks like we can't leave you alone without getting yourself all eaten."

I nodded and smiled, waiting for Jasper's inevitable quip.

"Leave him alone, Em," he said, trying not to smile, "He's had a tough night. It's hard being a chew-toy."

They both laughed loudly.

I suppressed the urge to vomit all over them.

If I was honest with myself, I'd admit that I missed their jibes.

Of course missing them didn't make them any less of a pain in my ass.

I turned my attention to the quartet of dark-skinned boys sitting in front of my smart-ass brothers.

_No__. Not possible._

_These four...children...could NOT be the wolves. It's impossible. They're teenagers for Christ's sake._

"Carlisle, I thought you said you first saw the wolves in the thirties. Are they immortal like us?"

"No," he said softly, "This is the next generation of wolves. They only start to transform when they sense a threat. I'm sure there haven't been any shape-shifters at La Push for many years. The transformations started when we moved here. The presence of vampires triggers something deep in the Quileute's genetic make-up, but after we left, the transformations would have stopped. But then, when you arrived..."

"They started again?"

"I would assume so. It seems strange to me that there are so many young ones phasing in response to a lone vampire."

I looked at the group carefully.

"I think there might be one more too," I said, referring to Jacob.

"Hmmm," Carlisle said, deep in thought, "Five wolves? Seems excessive."

_You should feel what it's like to have them gnawing on you. Incredibly excessive._

The eldest boy stood up as we approached. I recognized him as Jacob's friend. Sam.

He glowered at me darkly.

"Sam," Carlisle said patiently, "I want to thank you for calling off the attack when I asked you to."

Sam glared at Jasper and Emmett.

"It's not like we had much choice, did we?"

Carlisle nodded in understanding.

"It's important we get all the facts straight about the alleged treaty breech before we do something we'll all regret."

"There's nothing to get straight," Sam spat, "I found the body myself. A girl. One of the townsfolk. Dead. Sucked dry." He pointed at me viciously. "HIS scent was all over her. Tell me how I got my facts wrong."

"There's a dead body with my scent on it?" I spat, sarcastically, "That's ridiculous."

Sam bristled and Carlisle held up a hand to each of us, warning us to calm down.

Carlisle looked at me and then back to Sam.

"You're sure it was Edward's scent on the girl?"

Sam laughed bitterly.

"I'm sure. That bloodsucker smells like maggot-infested garbage. It's kind of hard to mistake it."

_The boy who smells like a rotting carcass is insulting MY smell? Ludicrous._

Carlisle stepped over to Sam who reflexively stepped back.

"It's all right," Calisle said soothingly, "I just want you to smell me, and tell me if I smell the same as Edward."

Sam stepped forward cautiously and sniffed Carlisle.

"Nope. You're different."

Carlisle nodded and stepped back, ushering Emmett, Jasper and Alice forward.

"Do we have to?" Alice whined, "Those boys smell like ass."

"Alice," he said firmly, "your brother has been accused of murder. I'm sure you'll cope."

The threesome walked over to Sam who sniffed them in turn.

"Nope. You all smell different. Hideous, but different. The smell on the dead girl was him. There's no doubt about it. He killed her."

The accusation hung in the air between the Quileutes and my family, filling the space with sharp, volatile tension.

It wasn't as though the label of 'murderer' was anything new to me. I'd lived with it for too many years than I cared to count. But being accused of something I didn't do by a bunch of self-righteous dogs? That made me simmer with rage.

For too long I'd been a freak among my family, forced to endure their looks of disappointment and pity over my lack of control. Having them doubt me again was something I would not take lightly.

I swayed as my stomach clenched violently.

_Damn wolf blood._

The extent to which the wolves had pissed me off tonight was growing by the second. From interrupting my time with Isabella and poisoning me with their blood, to ripping off my arm and now, accusing me of murder.

They were quickly rivaling God for title of 'most irritating asshole imaginable'.

I looked at my brothers.

Jasper and Emmett were glaring at the group of boys, and even though their thoughts were fiercely loyal to me, I could feel the underlying shadow of doubt as they remembered my past indiscretions.

Alice was rubbing her temples, a thick cloud of pain wafting through her mind.

She glanced up to meet my gaze.

_I know you didn't do it, Edward, but I can't get a reading from these mutts. It's like trying to see shadows in the darkness. I'm sorry._

I opened my mind to Carlisle. He was desperately trying to formulate feasible explanations for why my scent could possibly be found on a dead girl, unwilling to believe I had returned to my murderous habits.

"Carlisle," I said as steadily as I could as another wave of nausea washed over me, "I didn't kill anyone tonight. I swear to you."

_I wanted to. Several times. But I didn't._

He looked at me, and even though he tried to block the image of my past victims from his mind, I couldn't help but catch a brief glimpse of my former carnage.

"I believe you, Edward," he said softly, "but the evidence seems to be against you. In light of what Sam found, I'm not surprised he and the pack attacked you."

I glanced over to see the four Quileute boys glaring at me with bitter intensity.

In their eyes there was no doubt of my guilt.

I turned back to Carlisle who was waiting for me to explain my alleged innocence.

Sudden anger shook me as I stood at the center of a vortex of scrutiny.

I had spent decades trying to atone for my past stupidity. I'd be damned if the accusations of some shape-shifting freaks would make my father doubt me again.

I glared at Sam as I tried to search his thoughts, trying to find something to exonerate myself.

His thoughts were a tumult of anger and bitterness.

I frowned as I tried to sift through the chaos, trying to find something useful.

"What the hell are you doing?" he growled.

"Reading your mind," I answered, not seeing the point of hiding my talents from him, "trying to see if you're telling the truth."

"I have no reason to lie."

"Well, if that's the case," I snapped impatiently, "You won't mind me verifying the facts for myself, will you?"

His jaw clenched as he mentally told me to go screw myself, however he started to recall the events that occurred prior to me becoming public enemy number one.

In his memories I saw the body of the dead girl lying awkwardly on the forest floor. Her dull, glassy eyes staring at the dark sky, her throat a torn mess of skin and tendons.

She was wearing the remnants of a Halloween costume.

I was surprised to discover that her face was familiar to me.

"I know her," I said in disbelief.

Carlisle looked at me, his eyes expectant and eager.

Sam also looked at me but with obvious suspicion.

"Tonight at Volterra," I said, feeling like I was a witness in my own trial, "she was there. She…rubbed herself up against me while I was looking for Isabella."

I could feel a wave of anger emanate from the wolf pack at the mention of Isabella's name.

In their minds I was the epitome of the movie matinee vampire, taking my pleasure from as many women as possible, Isabella simply being one of my multitudes of disposable playthings.

Little did they know that before I met her I made your average monk look like a sex-addicted man-whore.

She was the only one who made me feel the gut-wrenching desire that ruled most men's lives.

I remembered how little interest I had shown when the soon-to-be dead-girl had thrown herself at me. The simple act of friction should have at least had certain parts of my body reacting, but despite her obvious physical attractiveness, I was completely indifferent to her attentions.

Apparently my libido only reacted to one woman.

I really wished I was with her now instead of in the middle of the forest in a supernatural version of Judge Judy.

"The girl propositioned me," I explained as patiently as I could, highly aware that every word I uttered was being judged. "I declined. Our bodies contacted for a few seconds. Certainly long enough for my scent to be on her."

I looked Carlisle squarely in the eyes.

"When I left her she was alive and well. I have no idea what happened to her after that."

"And I suppose it's just a coincidence that her throat was ripped open and she was drained of all her blood a couple of hours later?" Sam said sarcastically.

"I don't believe in coincidence," I said honestly, "But I give you my word that I didn't kill her."

Sam laughed bitterly.

"Well, forgive me for doubting an un-dead leech, but your word doesn't mean jack-shit to me."

"Pal, you're really starting to piss me off," Emmett growled in irritation. "If you knew anything about us you'd know that when we drink human blood our eyes go red. Edward's eyes aren't red, they're…oh, shit." He did a double take before whispering, "Dude, did you know your eyes are green? What the hell is that all about?"

"I believe it's a reaction to the wolf blood," Carlisle said, looking back at the pack. "They obviously have elements in their blood that react with our metabolism in a certain way."

My stomach rolled again.

"I don't recommend it," I said, queasily.

It really did feel like the vampire equivalent of food poisoning.

"Yeah, we don't taste so good, huh, leech?" one of the smaller boys sniped. "Think about that next time you wanna give one of us a love bite."

"Shut it, Embry," Sam snapped, "If you hadn't gone off half-cocked you wouldn't have been bitten in the first place."

Embry deflated and kept his mouth closed.

"Well, this isn't bringing us any closer to proving what happened tonight," Carlisle said. "We seem to be at an impasse."

"Not as far as I'm concerned," Sam said, shaking his head. "You blood-suckers have shown me nothing to prove that girl wasn't killed by Edward, and according to the treaty, unless you do, his ass belongs to us."

Emmett and Jasper bristled, moving their positions so they were standing between me and the wolf pack.

Carlisle nodded.

"I understand your position fully, Sam, but I'd appreciate you giving us the opportunity to investigate this matter further. Obviously we want it cleared up just as much as you do, but without examining the body and studying the evidence we can't properly hypothesize about what happened."

Sam looked around at my family, obviously trying to assess our trustworthiness and the odds at succeeding in kicking our asses if it came down to a fight.

_Don't even think about it, dog. If you took on all five of us, the forest would be painted with your blood within seconds._

"Sam, are you sure there weren't any other scents around the dead girl?" Carlisle asked cautiously.

Sam looked around at the five of us, his eyes careful and guarded.

"There was a faint scent. It was hard to pick up."

"Did you find any of Edward's scent leading to or away from the body?"

Sam frowned, as if the idea hadn't occurred to him.

"No. But it was close to a road. He could have used a car."

Carlisle nodded.

"These are the sort of issues we need to investigate," he said, using his usual diplomacy, belying the fact that his thoughts were angry regarding the wolves' lack of thoroughness.

"You've got twenty-four hours," Sam said finally, signaling for the rest of the pack to get to their feet. "Either you give us some solid evidence or the treaty is officially over and it's open season on you all."

My brothers growled low in their chests.

They weren't used to being threatened, and quite frankly, I think they were itching for a fight.

So was I.

Having to prove myself to these whelps was almost as odious to me as the last vestiges of the toxic blood that was still squirming its way through my veins.

"We'll meet you back here tomorrow night," Carlisle said calmly, always the voice of reason. "If we can't find something to clear Edward of killing the girl, we'll deal with the consequences."

In his mind, he was already planning to evacuate us from Forks if we couldn't prove my innocence. As far as he was concerned, it was the only solution.

To me, it was unthinkable.

Isabella was in Forks, and therefore _I_ needed to be in Forks. The mere thought of leaving her made me want to vomit again. No matter what Carlisle had in mind, leaving Forks wasn't an option.

Sam nodded curtly.

"Agreed. Don't make us come and find you."

The wolves turned and walked into the forest, eventually disappearing into the shadows.

"Well," Emmett said as he looked around, clasping his hands and rubbing them together, "that was fun. Edward, you sure now how to make Halloween interesting, don't you, bro?"

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, ignoring my stomach that was demanding I empty its contents yet again.

"Yeah, well, I'm always available to be nearly ripped to shreds for your entertainment, Emmett, you know that."

He laughed heartily and slapped my left shoulder. I opened my mouth to scream but my stomach took it as a sign to hoist all its contents toward the light and I promptly heaved all over his shoes.

"Oh, fuck!" he exclaimed loudly, shaking his legs, a look of total disgust on his face, "Rose gave me these for my birthday, dude. They're Hermes. So not cool."

I wiped my mouth and groaned as Carlisle came over to examine me again.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asked, grabbing my face and looking into my eyes.

"A little," I said honestly as he held up a finger and passed it across my face. "The pain is lessening. I just feel…weak. Tired."

He looked at my left shoulder, running his fingers over the jagged scar that was still knitting together.

"Is your arm okay?"

I nodded, clenching my fist a few times.

"It hurts, but it feels all right."

He sighed.

"Thank God we got here in time," he said, not meeting my gaze, his voice bright with emotion. "If anything had happened to you…"

"I'm fine, Carlisle," I said quickly, cutting him off. "I know it looked bad when you arrived but I actually had those wolves exactly where I wanted them."

He chuckled grudgingly.

I knew Carlisle's greatest fear was having something happen to one of his children. He would sacrifice himself in a second to save any one of us. Most people would scoff at his concern considering that all of his children were immortals, but still…

"By the way, how did you know where to find me?" I asked, frowning.

"Well," said Jasper as he walked over to Alice and slid his arm around her waist, "When my darling wife disappeared without a word while we were hunting the other day, we figured something was up. We arrived at the house here and found it empty. A short time later she showed up with Bella."

I could feel his rage as he remembered seeing Alice's wounds.

Alice touched his chest gently and the anger lessened, but his face was still hard.

"I had a painfully blurry vision about this clearing so we headed straight here," she said, grabbing Jas's hand and stroking it gently.

Jasper sighed and looked at her lovingly.

"Thankfully I got a few solid punches into the wolves before Carlisle stopped the fight. No one bites my woman except me."

"Where are Esme and Rose?" I asked.

"Well, we weren't sure what we were dealing with, so I asked them to stay in Alaska until we had more information. I'll call them later tonight."

"So, what do we do now?" Emmett asked. "As much as I'd like another chance to kick some wolf ass, we should probably find out who actually killed that girl, right?"

"Yes," Carlisle said, suddenly energized, "I think it's safe to assume there's another vampire in the area, although why their scent wasn't on the body is a mystery. We need to find them. Immediately. Jasper and Emmett – I need you to scout around the area where the girl was found and see if you can find anything. Alice – you and I are going to the morgue to see if there are any clues on the body."

"What about me?" I said, suddenly feeling excluded.

"You need to recuperate, Edward. You're severely wounded."

"Carlisle, I told you, I'm fine."

"And I'm telling you, go home. Not only do you need to let your wounds heal, but Isabella is in that house alone and if there is a vampire in the area, then she's at risk."

The mere thought of Isabella being in danger made every muscle in my body tense. I was suddenly impatient to see with my own eyes that she was safe.

"When you get home, look in my bag in the car," Carlisle said, "The brown bottle will help counteract the wolf toxin."

I nodded.

"I'll see you soon."

I vomited once more before I turned and started jogging toward home, the need to see Isabella getting stronger with every step.

...

...

My family took off in different directions and I started running toward home. My muscles felt sore and sluggish, and I could only run at a fraction of my normal speed.

_God, I'm barely running faster than a human. This is interminable._

My speed gradually increased the longer I ran, but it still took me much longer to get home than I would have liked.

When I arrived, my impatience to see Isabella reached fever pitch. I latched onto her scent and sprinted up the stairs, bursting into my bedroom and stopping suddenly when I saw her.

She was lying on my couch, curled in a tight ball and sound asleep, her soft, rhythmic breathing filling the stark coldness of my room.

She looked beautiful. Peaceful and angelic and perfect.

I walked over to her and knelt down, gently brushing my fingers across her forehead as I smiled.

She was here. In my house. In my bedroom.

My heart exploded with an emotion that was almost completely unfamiliar to me.

Joy.

I leaned down and brushed my lips across her cheek, ignoring the bloodlust that shot through me as I felt her warm, blood-filled skin.

I needed to get cleaned up and hunt, and then I was going to cook her breakfast and hopefully do unspeakable things to her beautiful body.

I'd never cooked breakfast before but I knew the basic concept. How hard could it be?

I quickly ran downstairs to the garage, searching through the doctor's bag in Carlisle's car until I found a bottle labeled, 'Venom Compound 14a'. I also grabbed a handful of gauze before sprinting back upstairs, quietly passing Isabella as I entered my bathroom and shut the door.

I put the supplies down on the vanity and looked in the mirror.

_Oh. Not good._

I looked like I'd gone eighteen rounds with a combine-harvester and then decided to tangle with an industrial-sized paper shredder.

Apart from the damage I'd sustained, I was also filthy. Debris and leaves were caked in my hair, and my skin was smudged and stained with dirt and mud.

I pulled off the strips of fabric that used to be my clothes, leaving only my relatively damage-free boxer briefs. When all the ruined clothing was removed I could see the full extent of my ravaged body, my skin still burning and aching with countless scratches and wounds.

In any other situation, I would be completely healed by now, and yet all my wounds looked quite fresh.

I officially hated wolves.

I grabbed some gauze and poured some of the liquid from the bottle onto it, dabbing it at a gash on my cheek.

I hissed as the solution bubbled and burned my skin.

_Fuck__!_

I rolled my eyes as I waited for the pain to lessen.

_Well, that's just peachy, because obviously I haven't had quite enough pain for one __day._

I dabbed the wound again and clenched my jaw.

_Goddammit!_

I watched in the mirror as the wound healed within seconds.

_Okay, so...excruciatingly painful, but effective. I give Venom Compound 14a a B-minus._

I swiped the solution over the wounds on my face and within a few minutes, my face and neck were back to normal.

"Edward?"

The bathroom door swung open and I turned to see Isabella standing there, her eyes wide in horror as she took in the damage covering my body.

"Oh...Jesus," she whispered as she stepped forward, her scent engulfing me as she scanned my ravaged skin. "What the hell did they do to you?"

"You think I look bad?" I said lightly, "You should see the other guys."

"Really?" she asked, "Did you...oh God...did you kill them?"

_If only._

"No, but I did call them some rather colorful names."

Her eyes raked over my body, widening when they took in the huge jagged wound on my left shoulder.

"Oh, God...what the hell...?"

"Isabella," I said softly, desperately wanting to pull her into my arms but mindful that I really needed to heal and wash first, "I'm fine. Really."

She looked at me with intense empathy.

"Does it hurt?"

_Like the fiery agony of a thousand suns._

"Not really."

She looked at the gauze in my hand and stepped forward.

"May I...may I help you?" she asked softly, holding her hand out.

I hesitated for a moment.

She wanted to cleanse my wounds?

I wasn't used to someone wanting to help me in such a...personal way.

My first instinct was to push her away, to not let her see me vulnerable and needy and humbled by pain, but if I'd ever followed my instincts as far as Isabella was concerned, she would be dead many times over.

_You want to have this woman in your life? Then let her help you. That's what non-emotionally__-retarded people do for each other._

I placed the gauze in her hand and poured some more healing solution onto it.

She looked into my eyes briefly before treating the wounds on my chest. She gently swiped the gauze across my skin, her other hand resting lightly on my hip. The serum bubbled and burned but I barely noticed it. I was mesmerized by the curve of her cheek, the long, creamy expanse of her neck, her fingers, her eyelashes, her unbelievably enticing lips.

Her scent floated around me, suffusing me, making every cell in my body crave her.

My stomach clenched uncomfortably as I found my eyes drawn to the sharp pounding of her pulse.

Now that I had pretty much regurgitated every ounce of blood in my system, Isabella's proximity was making the dull ache of my hunger roar to life with desperate intensity.

_God, she smells good._

After the abhorrence of the wolves' smell and taste, her scent was like ambrosia - a delicious, delectable, mouth-watering...

_Okay...you need to stop using food adjectives when describing her. That's not going to end well for anyone._

I held my breath and continued to watch her.

She was hypnotizing.

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and bit lightly as she treated the four large talon wounds on my chest.

Her brow furrowed as she concentrated on the task, her breath warm and soothing on my skin.

"You're a real mess, you know that, right?" she said, grabbing fresh gauze and soaking it in the healing solution.

"In my defense," I said, trying not to inhale too much of her tantalizing scent, "It _was_ four against one."

She looked up sharply.

"Four?"

"Yes. Another wolf joined the party."

She held my eyes for a moment, the gauze pressed over a particularly deep cut.

"Were you scared?" she asked, her voice soft and concerned.

"Only of never seeing you again," I said honestly, reaching out and running my fingertips down her face.

_So soft. So beautiful._

Her breathing stopped and her pulse raced.

"Isabella, breathe."

She shook her head and inhaled deeply.

"Is that one of your special abilities or something?" she asked, slightly annoyed.

"What?"

"Turning me into a bumbling mess of hormones?"

I smiled.

"I like what my touch does to you. It's unbelievably sexy."

She scowled at me and drew in a ragged breath.

"You're doing it again," she said in frustration.

"I'll just stand here and not talk. Will that be better?"

"Have you seen yourself? Even looking like you've been through the garbage disposal you're stunning. No, that's not _better_."

She sighed heavily, pulling the gauze off my chest.

"Wow," she said in disbelief, running her warm fingers across a patch of smooth skin that had been a gaping laceration only seconds before. "That's incredible. It's completely healed."

She looked down at the gauze in awe.

"What's this stuff made of, anyway?"

"I'm not sure. I guess it has venom in it."

She looked up at me in alarm.

"Venom?"

_Oh, right. Haven't told her about the whole 'vampire's have venom' issue, have I?_

"We produce venom in much the same way humans produce saliva. It helps incapacitate our prey when we hunt, but it also has healing properties."

"Oh."

She nodded and looked at the bottle of solution, her brow furrowing.

"Is that why my skin tingles when you lick me?"

_It does? Okay, something new to tell Carlisle. _

_And now I have an overwhelming urge to lick her._

"I guess so."

She nodded again and went back to examining my newly-healed chest.

Her hand circled the area, the silky pads of her fingers brushing across my skin, trailing warm electricity behind them.

I was suddenly glad I was wearing boxer-briefs as I tried to stifle a plethora of crotch-swelling nurse fantasies involving Isabella and an indecently short white uniform.

Her tongue peeked out and ran around her lips. I watched in rapt fascination and groaned.

"Am I hurting you?" she asked, looking up at me with concerned eyes.

"Not at all," I replied, swallowing down venom as she finished on my chest and moved down to my stomach.

She continued to treat my wounds, and I tried desperately to stay still and sane while she did, but every pass of her fingers across my skin made it more and more difficult to keep my body and mind under control. My hunger was growing with every second, and I really had to get away from her and hunt soon. The trouble was I didn't want to leave her. The heady torture of her hands on my skin and her scent in my nose was insanely addictive.

She finished on my torso and started on my arms, holding my hand gently as she pulled it away from my body. When she got to my left arm, I winced.

She looked at me with concern.

"Do I want to know what happened to this arm to make such a huge wound?" she asked warily.

"Not if you want to eat sometime in the near future," I offered.

She went green and swallowed heavily.

"Okay. Not even thinking about the implications of that statement."

She bathed the wound on my shoulder carefully, needing to spend several minutes on it before it was completely healed.

I sighed as a full range of feeling returned to my left hand.

I clenched my fist several times. The muscles still felt sluggish, but I would need to hunt before I got my full strength back.

Isabella ran her fingers over my shoulder, mumbling quietly to herself.

"God, your skin is beautiful. So beautiful."

"So is yours," I said quietly, unable to stop myself from running my fingers down her arm.

Her heart rate increased immediately and I suppressed a smile.

"You're enjoying my body's ridiculous reaction to you, aren't you?" she asked, shooting me a dark glance.

"Immensely," I replied with a smirk.

"Goddamn sexy-assed vampire."

She blushed.

My stomach growled loudly.

_Dammit, Isabella. Don't you know what it does to me when you blush?_

"Wow. Hungry?" Isabella asked with a smirk.

"Extremely," I said in a low voice. "Your blushing doesn't help."

Her heart rate increased further and she looked up at me with dark eyes.

"Well, let's get this finished so you can..." she blushed even more furiously as she said the word, "...hunt."

Her fingers worked quickly, swabbing my wounds and trailing across the smooth skin when they healed.

When she had finished my top half, front and back, she knelt on the floor in front of me and started on my legs.

The perverted fantasies that I had been holding in check burst forth with the intensity of a hurricane, filling my brain with so many images of what I'd like to do to Isabella while she was kneeling in front of me that I was dizzy with lust.

I leaned back heavily against the vanity.

"Are you all right?" she asked innocently, completely unaware of how unbelievably arousing it was to have her face in front of my crotch.

"Fine," I rasped, squeezing my eyes shut and concentrating desperately on my self-control.

_Think about dead animals for God's sake, Cullen, not what it would feel like to have Isabella's mouth wrapped around you...drawing you into her...licking you...engulfing you._

_Oh...Jesus._

I heard her gasp and opened my eyes to see her staring at my rapidly swelling erection.

_Excellent. Shove the evidence of your perversion in her face. You're such a gentleman._

"Edward," she said slowly, her eyes fixed on my crotch, "is it my imagination or do you find having me on my knees in front of you...exciting?"

I groaned and she smiled.

"Isabella," I said thickly, "You have no idea."

"Oh, I think I have some idea from your giant-assed erection," she mumbled as she dragged her eyes away from my arousal and went back to cleaning my wounds.

The change in her scent made me smirk, knowing that she wasn't unaffected by desire.

"So," she said, obviously trying to change the subject, "Carlisle told me about the wolves. I can't believe the Quileutes are shapeshifters."

_Very strong, very fast shapeshifters who almost destroyed me tonight. Annoying as all hell, but true._

"Believe it," I said, bracing myself against the vanity counter as she motioned for me to step my legs apart so she could treat a wound on my inner thigh.

I clenched my jaw as she swabbed the wound and then ran her fingers over the healed skin.

My hunger was screaming at me desperately, but at the moment my lust was completely drowning it out.

"Is that why Jake was able to hurt you?" she asked, looking up at me, "Because he's going to become a wolf too?

_Isabella, please don't talk about your Neanderthal ex-boyfriend turning into a massive vampire-killing dog while you're on your knees in front of me. It ruins the mood._

"Probably," I admitted.

She nodded, a shadow of sadness passing across her face.

"Yeah. I figured as much."

She stood up and grabbed a fresh piece of gauze, dousing it in liquid before turning me around and starting on the back of my thighs.

"So, Carlisle said they're basically protectors. Why did they attack you?"

I sighed.

_And here it is. The part of the conversation where I tell her the truth and she thinks I'm lying._

I could almost predict the entire conversation before it happened. It ended with me professing my innocence and her joining the long list of people who doubted me.

"They think I killed a girl."

She froze, her hands stilling on my legs.

I was suddenly glad I couldn't see her face. I didn't need to see the look of disappointment that was currently inhabiting it.

"What girl?"

"A local. Someone I met...briefly...at the nightclub during the Halloween party."

"What do you mean by 'met'?"

If I was being honest, I'd admit that I was thrilled by the edge of jealousy in her tone.

_I know. I'm an asshole._

"She propositioned me. I rejected her."

"Why?"

"Why did she proposition me? Because she thought I was attractive."

"No, I mean, why did you reject her?"

_What a ridiculous question._

"Because there was only one woman whose hands I wanted on me and it wasn't her."

She was silent for a moment. Her pulse quickened.

The bathroom suddenly felt very small. Every molecule of air was dripping with her scent.

I swallowed heavily.

"And now...she's dead?"

"Yes."

"Why do they think it was you?"

I ran my fingers through my hair. A shower of leaves and dirt fell onto the vanity.

_No point in lying about it. She'll find out eventually._

"Her throat was torn out. Her blood was drained. My scent was on her. The evidence all points to me."

_And now I'll smell the fear. She'll recoil from me, thinking that I'm a mindless, blood-sucking monster._

She inhaled a huge lungful of air, letting it gust out noisily.

"The evidence is wrong," she said softly, her hands moving over my wounds again.

I frowned.

_Not the response I was expecting._

"You sound very definite about that," I said, "How can you be sure I didn't do it?"

"I don't know," she said, treating several deep puncture wounds on my feet, "I just am."

My mind raced.

To have her trust so fully...so unreservedly...made me feel overwhelmingly...unworthy.

I turned around and pulled her to her feet, grabbing her shoulders and willing her to look at me.

"Isabella, you shouldn't give me your trust so easily. I've done nothing to earn it."

"Yes you have," she said firmly. "You've worked harder to earn my trust than anyone I've ever met. You're earning it right now."

She went and turned on the taps to the large spa bath, running her hands under the streaming water to test the temperature.

"I can see how hungry you are," she said over her shoulder, "Your eyes are black."

Content with the water temperature, she went to the cabinet above the sink and chose several bottles, laying them and a washcloth on the side of the tub.

"If you wanted to, you could suck me dry in seconds..."

My stomach clenched violently at the thought and venom flooded my mouth.

_Jesus, woman. Do NOT talk about me draining you! Do you have a goddamn death wish?_

"And yet, I know I'm completely safe with you."

I pushed back the rabid bloodlust screaming through my veins.

_No, Isabella. You're not._

She walked over to me and examined my body, turning me to face the mirror so I could see for myself.

I tensed as her body heat engulfed me.

_So much warmth, just pulsing under the surface of her skin. So tempting._

"All healed," she said quietly, her hands brushing over my back.

I looked in the mirror, not able to look myself in the eye.

My skin was flawless again.

It always amazed me how perfect a vampire's skin looked. Like a pristine apple that you desperately wanted to bite into until you discovered the rotten, dead center.

"Aren't you even going to ask me if I killed her?" I said, swallowing another mouthful of venom and turning away from my imposter reflection.

Isabella sighed.

"No. I trust you."

I knew she shouldn't trust me. I knew I didn't deserve her trust, but the fact that she gave it to me...completely...made a small kernel of gratefulness spark inside my dead center.

"I didn't kill her," I said quietly.

She reached out and touched my face.

"I know."

My skin blazed where she touched me and the air between us became thick with tension.

Her eyes moved over my face, taking in all my features before settling on my mouth.

God, I wanted her.

The problem was, I wanted her in ways I shouldn't.

My hunger was scaling the walls of my control with spiked, metal gauntlets, puncturing my restraint more with each passing second.

Her blood was calling to me, whispering dark words of sweet relief.

My eyes went to her neck. Her heart was pounding, pulsing waves of her scent through her delicate skin.

_I could just lick her neck. I don't have to bite it._

The mere thought of biting it sent a wave of shuddering expectation though my body.

Isabella broke the moment by stepping away from me.

_C__an she feel my bloodlust? Does she know how desperately I crave her?_

"Let's finish getting you cleaned up before we both get...distracted," she said unsteadily as she drew in a deep breath and motioned to my boxer briefs. "Take those off and get in the tub."

I frowned.

"Why?"

"Because they'll get wet if you leave them on."

"No," I said, "why am I getting in the tub?"

"Because you're filthy and..." she looked down at her feet, "I'd really like to..." she looked up into my eyes, "I'd really like to wash your hair. If that's okay."

The look of hope on her face made me smile despite my aching hunger.

"You want to wash my hair?"

"Yes," she said with the same embarrassment as if she'd just admitted to liking monster trucks or Justin Bieber.

A strange wave of emotions poured through me.

"No one has ever washed my hair before."

"Well, then," she said with a smile, "I'll be your first."

_Isabella, you represent so many firsts for me, I can't even begin to explain._

I quickly pulled off my underwear and climbed into the tub.

"Oh, shit," I heard Isabella mumble behind me, "your ass is...Jesus...just wow."

I smirked as I lowered myself into the steaming water.

_Ahhhh. That feels __good._

Isabella sat on the edge of the tub and motioned me to dip my head under the water in order to wet my hair. I did as she asked and turned my back to her.

She squirted some shampoo onto my hair and began massaging it in, coaxing a thick foam of bubbles with her fingers. She spread her fingers wide and pressed them in tight circles on my scalp, her fingernails scraping my skin as my head dropped back and I moaned loudly.

"Oh, dear God, Isabella. That feels amazing."

She laughed and continued, the sensation of her hands on my scalp almost soothing the increasingly desperate hunger inside me.

_I have to hunt. But that would involve her stopping what she's doing._

_Maybe I'll let her keep going for a few more minutes. Or hours. What the hell. It's only blood._

I moaned again.

"Rinse, Edward, and I'll put on the conditioner."

I ducked under the water, rubbing the bubbles out of my hair before resurfacing.

She poured a large glob of something that smelled like citrus on my head and started massaging again.

"Oh, Jesus. Yes, Isabella. Just like that. Oh...hell...yes."

I heard her moan behind me as her heart rate quickened and her breathing becoming less even.

"Isabella?" I said playfully, "Is it my imagination or are you becoming aroused by washing my hair?"

She sighed and I smiled.

"Edward...you have _no_ idea."

Her hands trailed down the back of my head to my neck before separating to massage my shoulders. To her, it must have felt like she was massaging a piece of stone, but to me, it felt unbelievable.

Her hands were reverent and caring and gentle, treating me like I was something precious instead of cold, dead flesh.

I swallowed heavily.

_No one ha__s ever touched me like this. _

_Ever._

"You body is so beautiful," she breathed, "So perfect."

Her hands moved down over my chest, brushing over my nipples, traveling even further down to my abdomen.

Her head was next to mine, her warm breath spilling over my skin. Her scent surrounded me, invading my nose, my mouth, my lungs, my skin.

I closed my eyes and drew her scent into me, groaning softly as my insides ignited in response.

Her heartbeat was loud and wet in my ears, the gentle splash of the water as she caressed my body strangely hypnotic.

_If I just turn__ my head, my mouth could be on her neck, open and wet against her throbbing pulse...my teeth gently grazing the skin...a small push would be all the pressure it would take to puncture the skin, my tongue waiting for the first sweet drops of blood to..._

I stopped breathing and snapped my eyes open.

My mouth was open next to her neck, venom dripping from my teeth.

_What the fuck am I doing?_

Suddenly, she was too close. Her body was too warm. I was too hungry. Her blood was too enticing.

"Isabella," I groaned, "I have to get out. Now."

"Okay," she said breathlessly, her hands still trailing across my body, throwing gasoline on my already blazing lust.

I ducked under the water and rinsed my hair before quickly washing the rest of my body and leaping out of the tub, hastily grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist.

I tried to cover my obvious arousal, but it was useless.

I'd moved so quickly Isabella was still looking in confusion at where I had been.

I dashed out into the bedroom and threw open my closet, grabbing jeans and a t-shirt and throwing them on hastily.

By the time she had registered where I was and followed me, I was shoving my feet into a pair of black running shoes.

"What's the rush?" she asked in bewilderment.

"I need to hunt," I said, lacing up my shoes quickly. "I won't be long."

She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

My stomach tightened as I swallowed a mouthful of venom.

"God, the thought of you hunting is just...so...damn..."

Her voice trailed off as she stood on her toes to kiss me, her tongue probing my lips gently, turning the blazing ache inside me into an inferno. Her hand reached between us, devastating my control even further by running her palm across my erection.

I groaned and pulled back.

"Isabella, stop," I panted, wanting nothing more than to decimate her clothes and take her roughly. "I can't risk touching you like this unless I'm well-fed. I'm not strong enough."

The beast reveled in images of my teeth sinking deep into her creamy skin as her blood flooded my mouth.

I groaned and took another step away from her.

She sighed.

"I think you underestimate your strength, Edward," she said, "I never feel anything but safe with you."

The beast inside me bellowed with laughter.

I grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall, laying my weight against her, needing her to never forget that being around me was anything but safe.

"Isabella," I growled, desperately trying to control my strength, "you _shouldn't_ feel safe with me. Ever. Because you're not. Mmy ability to control myself around you is tenuous at best. You can never forget that. I already take far too many risks with your life by not being cautious enough with my control. I don't need you to be reckless as well, because if I ever lose control I need you to run...to try and save yourself. Do you understand me?"

"Edward..."

"No, Isabella! It's not enough that _I_ know how dangerous it is for me to be near you. _You_ need to know it too, because as soon as we both forget what's at stake here, we could both lose _everything!_ I'm a _predator_, and you are my _prey!._ No matter how much we want to dress up our attraction to each other, that's something we can _never_ forgetd. Do you understand?"

She nodded, her body stiff and tense beneath mine. The heat coming off her was staggering.

_Fuck__ her, bite her, drink her._

_Do it._

_Do it._

_DO IT!_

I grunted and squeezed my eyes shut.

"I understand," she said softly, a hint of fear coloring her scent.

"No...you don't," I groaned as my head dropped into the crook of her neck, her pulse beating against my forehead. "That's the problem, Isabella. You have no concept of how incredibly tempting you are...how much strength it takes to resist you."

I pressed my nose into her warm, fragrant skin, my arms wrapping around her, holding her still.

"I want your body...but I also want your blood. So much. All the time. I'm terrified of not being strong enough to deny the monster who whispers for me to drain you. It would be so easy. So incredible. God, you would taste so good."

I clamped my mouth shut as my lips brushed over her throat. She shuddered and moaned beneath me.

"Edward...I understand. Please...let me go."

I shamelessly ground my erection into her, growling as jolts of pleasure shot through me.

"Edward...please..."

"Yes, Isabella. Beg. I love it when you beg."

I opened my mouth and ran my tongue along her jugular, moaning at the feel of the thick, heavy pulse and the taste of her skin.

She shuddered.

"Please...don't."

The scent of her fear was strong now. The beast reveled in it. He wanted more.

_Now, struggle, Isabella. Try to get away. __God I love it when they try to get away._

I felt drunk on her scent, her blood rushing and pounding in my ears. My throat was blazing as venom streamed down in huge waves.

"Edward...look at me."

I sucked at her skin.

_Just a little more pressure. Just a tiny bit more._

"EDWARD!"

I removed my mouth from her neck and opened my eyes. She looked at me calmly and spoke strongly.

"Let me go. Now."

The beast inside me snarled possessively and tightened my arms around her.

_Cullen, g__et away from her. You're starting to lose it._

With a huge amount of effort, I stepped away from her and exhaled heavily, my fists clenching rhythmically as my skin crawled with desperate, aching need.

"Thank you," she said quietly, walking across the room quickly and sitting on the couch. She looked at me with frightened eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...touched you like that. I knew you were hungry."

I ran my fingers through my hair, suddenly wanting to grab great handfuls of it and tear it out.

_Fuck it!_

_Why c__an't I just be a normal man? Why do I have to endure this constant torture of wanting to kill the woman I care about most in the world?_

I wanted to rage and yell and break things.

"I'm sorry too," I said, "I wish it wasn't like this."

"Well, it is," she said gently, "So stop beating yourself up about it. I want to be with you, Edward, and if that means I have to learn how to avoid your homicidal episodes, then that's what I'll do."

My whole body tensed as I resisted destroying my bedroom.

"You shouldn't have to," I snarled in frustration.

She sighed and shook her head.

"Edward, please go and hunt, because if you stand there and glare like that with your body all tense and ripped, it makes me want to tear your clothes off and fuck you roughly, and I think we both know that at this point, that would not be a good move."

My dick screamed at me to stop being such a bloodthirsty douche and let her fuck us roughly.

I groaned.

"Go hunt," she said, pulling her legs under her and grabbing a book off the floor. "I'll be here when you get back."

I looked over at her, so delicate in so many ways, but so much stronger than I was in others.

"I won't be long," I promised as I crossed over to my door-sized window and opened it.

Suddenly, Carlisle's warning about leaving her alone came back to me.

If there was another vampire in the area I couldn't risk leaving her in the house by herself, particularly since I never did get around to repairing the front doors.

_Dammit_.

I sighed and shook my head.

_I don't believe I just finished lecturing her on the dangers of being around me when I'm hungry and now I'm going to say this._

"Isabella," I said, knowing that I would live to regret my next words, "would you like to come and watch me hunt?"

Her eyes widened and her heart thundered in her chest as she exploded off the couch.

"Oh holy fuck, YES!"

...

...

...

* * *

**Author Notes**

**So Bella's going to see Edward hunt? Damn. Might need to see if ****I**** can tag along for that.**

**Don't forget you can follow me on Twitter. ****I**** have massive amounts of RobPorn.**

**Please drop me a lin****e and let me know what you think of the chapter. **

**Thanks for reading****,**

**Kiya x**


	8. The Hunt

**Chapter Notes**

**Welcome back, sweet readers.**

**Love and never-ending bewb-gropes to my magnificent Beta-Goddess – Irritable_Grizzzly – who I've finally convinced to use Twitter so I can molest ****her daily. I'm loving it.**

**Thank you to Lavishone & J_E_N_N for the pre-reading. Love you hard, ladies.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, but all original material in this fic is mine. Please don't steal it. It makes me go all stabby.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter ****13 – The Hunt**

My feet pounded the damp undergrowth as I sprinted through the forest, sniffing the air frantically as I tried to find something to distract me from what I was currently craving with every fiber of my being.

I swallowed my streaming venom and tightened my jaw in frustration.

It was useless. I couldn't smell anything but her. Her scent wafted around me in a dizzying cloud, oozing from her skin as her warm body clung to mine, pressed against the length of my back, her arms around my neck, her legs around my waist.

I could feel her pulse pounding into me, throbbing violently everywhere my body connected to hers. Every wet thud of her heart called my name, begging me to suck the blood from her veins into mine.

_Goddammit, where the hell is a herd of deer when you need them? This is becoming unbearable._

I was craving something stronger than insipid herbivores, but I needed to eat something as quickly as possible, and for a vegetarian vampire, deer was the equivalent of McDonald's – fast and easy, even if it left you hideously unsatisfied.

My whole body was burning with hunger. The violent regurgitation caused by the wolf blood had left me weak and savagely ravenous. It was unbelievably foolish to take Isabella hunting when I was in such a state, but considering the circumstances I didn't really have a choice.

I raced through the trees, scanning them desperately. The sun was just starting to rise, its weak golden rays piercing the sullen grey shadows coating the trees.

Usually my eyes didn't need the extra light, but this morning my vision felt blurry, possibly another aggravating side-effect of the wolf-blood. I should have found something and drained it by now, but my senses were not only significantly duller than normal, they were also completely handicapped by the fact that the creature I wanted to drain the most was clinging to my body with absolute trust, and moaning softly in my ear whenever she was foolish enough to open her eyes.

My stomach growled loudly, bringing with it a fresh burst of bloodlust that felt like it was incinerating my insides.

"Edward! Look!" Isabella whispered excitedly in my ear.

I stopped immediately.

About thirty feet ahead of us was a small herd of deer milling around a small stream, their lithe bodies moving gracefully through the morning half-light.

_Excellent. The vampire has to rely on the human to find his prey. Bravo, ultimate predator. Not embarrassing at all._

I pulled Isabella gently from my back, miraculously managing to resist the overwhelming urge to sink my teeth into her throat as I set her on her feet.

"Whoa," she said as she swayed, one hand gripping my bicep firmly as the other grabbed a fistful of my t-shirt. "Gravity works."

I tensed as her fingers set fire to my cold skin.

Instinctively my arms wrapped around her and pulled her against me, my mouth flooding with venom as the ravenous beast inside me demanded blood. Her blood.

Isabella's eyes widened as she registered the bestial hunger in my eyes. She tried to step away from me, but again, my instinct was to trap her against me, keeping her within biting distance.

My arms tightened.

I needed to feed. Now. On something other than my possible-future-life-partner.

Of course, that was easier said than done. My hunger made the beast strong. I was having trouble remembering why I shouldn't listen to him.

I inhaled and groaned as Isabella's scent made me burn. She pushed uselessly against my chest, arching her back and pulling her neck away from my hungry mouth.

_Bad move, Isabella._

I closed my eyes as I denied the urge to stop her feeble struggles by whatever means necessary.

_Bite __her. That'll stop her squirming._

The dark voice inside me was terrifyingly seductive and Isabella's warm, pliant body rubbing against mine wasn't helping.

"Don't...move," I ordered, looking into her eyes and gritting my teeth as I grasped desperately at my control.

She stilled immediately.

"When you struggle," I groaned, "it makes you feel like prey. I can't...it would be so easy to...God, Bella, I don't want you to feel like prey."

She stayed completely still, her heart beating fast and her body warm and soft against me.

"Tell me how to help you, Edward," she whispered. "I'll do anything you say."

I recovered myself enough to loosen my arms and drop them to my sides. My hands clenched into fists, itching to grip her warm flesh.

"Step back," I pleaded, unable to force myself to move away from her. "Please."

She stepped away from me warily, her face concerned and fearful.

I drew in a breath, grateful that the small amount of distance between us had diluted her scent.

Nevertheless, my hunger roared its impatience, twisting violently in my guts and demanding to be satisfied.

I dragged my gaze away from Isabella's siren pulse and turned to focus on the deer.

There were five of them.

The beast scoffed that even if I drained all of them I wouldn't be close to satisfied. Not when the world's most delicious blood was mere steps away.

_Great idea, Cullen. Bring your singer hunting. Brilliant. And not at all dangerous for her._

_Idiot._

I took a silent step toward the deer to clear my head of Isabella's scent, but that was all the herd needed to be alerted to my presence. Their heads shot up in perfect unison, their dark, startled eyes bright with fear.

Unlike me at the moment, their senses were finely tuned, always searching for danger.

For predators.

The beast inside me wrenched its attention away from the heartbeat behind me and focused on the five meals in front.

They were on-edge and ready to flee at a moment's notice. They watched me and waited, seeing if I would advance.

I stayed perfectly still as I tensed my muscles and prepared to leap.

"Isabella," I whispered as I focused on the largest of the elks, "I need you to stay absolutely still. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"Don't move."

"Okay."

"At all."

"Edward, I get it. Go."

I could hear her heart thudding fast, and I wondered if it was from fear of me, or eagerness to see me hunt. I didn't think she fully understood how much danger she would be in once I let the predator inside me loose. He didn't care about my feelings toward her or that I had come to covet her life more than her blood. He knew one thing – kill...tear...feed - and he did it very, very well.

_God, keep her safe for me. From me. Please._

I exploded into action, opening up my senses as I sprinted forward, covering half the distance to the deer before they'd even registered I'd moved.

I landed on the largest of the elks just as she turned and tried to leap away, gripping her strongly around the neck as I lifted her off her scrambling feet and plunged her to the ground. In a flash my teeth were on her throat, slicing open the thick skin before my mouth clamped down, capturing the warm, salty blood pulsing strongly out of her convulsing body.

I swallowed mouthful after mouthful of the bitter blood, grateful for the warmth and power flooding my body, but wincing about the wrongness of the taste.

My mind flashed back to the tiny smear of Bella's blood, and how it tasted as my tongue swiped it from her bleeding lip.

It had been a revelation.

Never in my entire existence had I imagined that a substance so remarkable existed in the world.

It wasn't just the taste, although the unbelievable flavor of her had slammed into me like a nuclear shock-wave; it was also how it affected my body. That tiny drop of blood had made me feel more vital...more...alive...than anything else I had ever encountered, and for the first time in my laboriously long life, I'd felt completely pain-free and...happy.

The resulting power of the orgasm that stormed through me was mind-blowing.

It was like being touched by the hand of God.

Not my God, of course, because he was a sadistic, vampire-torturing ass, but the hand of a sensual, erotic God who made me feel things I never thought possible and had never dreamed to hope for.

I became aroused at the mere thought of it.

Not that being aroused was unusual for me recently. I seemed to be in that state constantly, ever since I first smelled Isabella and watched her gloriously naked body in my meadow. The familiar ache in my groin just added to the myriad of other pains my body endured on a daily basis and I now had the horrifying knowledge that the only thing that removed my agony completely was climaxing violently inside Isabella while ingesting her blood.

Wonderful.

I closed my eyes and tried to push the carnal memory of her blood from my mind and body, instead concentrating on the deer's inferior blood, trying to take some sort of pleasure in the pulsing warmth that was spreading through me.

Despite that animal blood was less potent than human blood, my muscles felt strong again, tingling with power. My left arm felt completely healed, flexing solidly around the elk's neck as it struggled against me. The uneasy squirming in my stomach caused by the toxic wolf-blood was finally gone, and I felt more or less normal.

Of course 'normal' for me, at the moment, meant being perennially hungry, endlessly horny and infinitely dissatisfied.

To be perfectly honest, I could live without being my version of 'normal'.

I sucked down the last few mouthfuls of blood as the deer's empty heart stopped beating, and I closed my eyes as fresh vitality shuddered into my body.

It was in the moments directly after feeding that I felt the most at ease. This blood never completely soothed my constant pain, but for a few short seconds, as my dry veins exploded with life, I almost forgot about it.

Moments later I sighed as my constant and annoying dissatisfaction pushed through my blood-filled haze and stomped on my brief euphoria with giant, steel-toed boots.

My undead life would be so much more bearable if I could be satisfied by animal blood, but I couldn't.

It wasn't enough.

It would never be enough.

My hunger was demanding more, its sharp edges still twisting inside me, insisting I give it what it wanted most.

I shoved the still-warm carcass off me and stood up, sniffing the air to find out if the rest of the herd was still nearby.

I couldn't smell them.

But I could smell _her_.

I could smell _only_ her.

Her scent was all over me, and a slight breeze reminded me that in about three-quarters of a second I could have my teeth clamped around her neck and her blood in my mouth.

_Do it. Do it now._

My head snapped around to where she was standing thirty feet away from me frozen like a statue, her eyes wide and her pupils dilated.

Even the small amount of her scent carried to me on the morning breeze made my body erupt with need. The only discernible difference was that after feeding I was more capable of recognizing the voice of the monster inside me who screamed at me to fuck her and then drain her.

It didn't make him any easier to ignore.

_One leap. That's all it would take. _

_You want her._

_Take her._

_It's what you were built for. What you were both meant for. Vampire and human. Hunter and prey._

_Stop fighting it._

Without thinking I dropped into a crouch, ready to sprint. I could feel an involuntary growl rumbling low in my chest.

"Edward?" she said nervously, taking a step backward, "Do you feel better now? Do you need more?"

_Isabella, you'd run screaming if you knew just how much more I needed. Unfortunately, part of me _reallywants_ you to run screaming so I can chase you and lose myself in the sweet smell of your fear._

_And the other part of me just wants you, rough and fast and violent._

I planted myself to the spot, trembling with the effort of not just taking what the beast was screaming for.

"Edward?" she called again, her voice nervous and unsteady.

_God, Isabella, I want to fuck you. Right now. Fuck you hard and fast. Make you scream my name. Then, as you're coming, I want to sink my teeth into __you. I want to drink you as I explode inside you, feel your blood dancing in my veins as I come, over and over again. I'd groan in ecstasy as I swallowed you down. Filling me. Completing me. God, it would be so good. I ache for it._

"Edward?"

The beast hissed at her to shut the hell up, to stop reminding me that she was more than food.

_You want her? Take her. You've been denying yourself for __too long. You deserve this. You deserve _her_. No one would blame you. This life...feeding on animals...it's unnatural. It's not what you're made for or what you need. You need _her_. _All_ of her. Take her. Now._

My venom was flooding my mouth in anticipation. I wanted to bite her. I needed to.

"Edward," she said softly. Desperately. "Please say something."

_God, she's scared. _

I sniffed the air. The fear in her scent made me want to growl and lunge, scaring her more and making her run from me. I wanted her to run. I wanted to hunt her.

I'd give her a head start. Let her think she was safe. Then I'd chase her down...press her against a tree as she writhed and screamed...

"Edward..."

Her soft tremulous voice gave me strength to ignore the monster's insidious whispering.

With a herculean effort worthy of Olympic gold, I stood up, panting heavily with the effort of pushing down my desperate, savage instincts.

I swallowed a mouthful of venom and answered, "Give me a minute."

My beast whispered that she could give me hours and I'd still be vibrating with the desire to do unspeakable things to her.

He wasn't wrong.

I tried to claw my senses back from him and think rationally.

I needed to get away from her and feed more, glut myself until the ravenous, sadistic asshole was tricked into thinking he didn't need her, but the rational part of me knew I couldn't leave her alone in the forest. Anything could happen to her. Nothing as horrendous as me, but still...

_Another vampire could come and drain her - kill her and rob you of her precious blood._

The thought of another vampire hunting in the area sent a cold chill through me. I knew that Isabella's blood wouldn't affect others as it affected me. Her blood was made for me and me alone, but that certainly didn't mean she wouldn't be appealing to them, and thinking about that possibility made me want to shackle her to my side so I could annihilate anyone who came within ten feet of her, human or immortal.

Of course that was assuming I could resist the persistent urge to kill her myself.

I looked at the sky and scowled, hoping my vengeful deity was paying attention to my impending, mental rant.

_God – you're an unbelievable jackass. You couldn't just let me have feelings for another vampire could you? Someone who could handle my bestial urges without a second thought? No. You had to send me a beautiful, breakable human whose blood calls my name in a __hundred different languages. _

_I seriously despise you. _

"Edward?"

Bella was looking at me questioningly, her eyes flickering and nervous.

_Pull yourself together__, Cullen, you're scaring her._

I steadied myself and walked forward slowly, reassessing my grasp on my control with every step. My gaze locked with hers as I approached and I heard her heart-rate speed up. Her eyes burned into me, and even across the distance, the scent of her arousal was devastating.

I stopped in my tracks about ten feet away and closed my eyes, swallowing fresh waves of venom and wincing at the resulting agony.

"Edward? Are you okay?" she asked uncertainly, the fear in her voice mixing with her musky scent and tormenting me beyond belief. "Is there anything I can do?"

_Yes, actually. You could tear open all your veins and let me bathe in your blood while I fuck you, Isabella. Could you do that? _

_Alternatively, you could stop smelling like heaven and hell wrapped up in delicious skin. That'd be goddamn helpful._

"No," I rasped, barely trusting myself to open my mouth without it landing suddenly and unerringly on her throat. "Just stand still. Think of dead puppies."

"Dead puppies? Why?"

I swallowed again and opened my eyes, not meaning to glare at her but knowing that I was.

"Isabella, what are you thinking about right now?"

Her eyes traveled quickly over my body, stopping briefly to appraise the obvious bulge in my jeans before returning to my face, her eyes widening as comprehension hit her.

"Oh."

"Yes. Oh. And what do you think it does to your scent when you think about me like that?"

Her eyes flickered to my groin again.

"Isabella," I groaned as the beast inside me begged me to fuck her hard and fast and in a hundred perverted ways, "seriously...not...helping."

"I'm sorry," she said, backing up a step.

"Stay where you are," I ordered with clenched teeth. "Just...stay."

I stood and gathered my control for several long minutes, dragging back every ounce of humanity I could.

Isabella stood perfectly still and looked at me with wary eyes.

She at least had the good sense to be frightened of me when I was like this, but sadly for her, even her fear was arousing.

Everything about her – her face, her body, her smell - was making me want her more with every passing second.

I stopped breathing. At least that would cut off one avenue of temptation. Denying myself her scent was the only way I was going to get through this with her in one piece. It was going to make finding the rest of the deer much more difficult, but better that than allowing the beast to gather power through her mouth-watering smell.

When I felt I was adequately in command of my faculties, I walked to her with careful, steady steps, stopping in front of her and steeling myself for the coming torment of having her warm body pressed against mine once more.

"Edward," Isabella said as I looked at her with intense hunger and longing, "I can see how difficult this is for you, and I'm sorry."

Her apologizing for something that wasn't her fault killed me.

I wanted to answer her verbally, but that would involve inhaling, and at such close proximity I couldn't risk it.

Instead I reached out and gently took her hand, bringing it up to my mouth and firmly clenching my jaw shut as I brushed my lips over her soft skin.

Her breathing and heart-rate immediately sped up, and a fierce blush lit her face.

_God, Isabella, don't you know what it does to me when you react like that? Do you have any clue how hard __you make me?_

I swallowed heavily and avoided looking into her eyes, because I knew I would see lust there, and I just couldn't handle another layer of provocation.

I gently pulled her onto my back and groaned as I felt the intense heat between her thighs press into me. I hardened even more painfully as I remembered how unbelievably erotic it was to be encased in that incredible warmth.

When we made love last night... God... the feeling of being inside her... of being able to temper my strength and thrust into her... of her coming and groaning my name.

_Probably not a good idea to think about this right now, Cullen. Running with vampire speed and nursing a__ painful erection? Seriously uncomfortable. _

I blocked out as much sensation as I could as I ran, instead concentrating on following the most likely path the deer had taken as they fled. Even though they were nimble creatures, I could still see a tell-tale path of broken shrubbery and hoof-prints, allowing me to track them fairly effectively.

They were headed north which worked to my advantage as there was a line of extinct volcanoes that would hamper their progress significantly.

I slowed down as I felt the terrain getting rougher, my eyes darting between the trees.

When I glimpsed a flicker of movement up ahead I stopped, leaping up onto a rocky outcropping and depositing Isabella in what I considered to be a fairly safe location before silently commanding her to stay put.

She nodded and tentatively reached up to touch my face before stepping back and urging me to go.

With some effort I turned away from her and sprang down from the ledge, dashing west in a wide semi-circle, trying to get behind the deer so that if I had to give chase, it would be toward Isabella rather than away from her.

As I finished my arc, I spotted them, grazing straight ahead of me. I quickly debated whether I should stalk them silently, but decided that a 'dash and grab' would be quicker and get me back to Isabella faster.

I increased my speed as I approached, but a second before I was within leaping distance, they snapped into action, scattering through the trees like ghosts; tan-colored blurs using the dense undergrowth to camouflage their escape.

I focused my attention on a large doe running directly in front of me, weaving and leaping gracefully around the large pines. I increased my speed and vaulted at her just before she reached the base of the mountain where I'd left Isabella.

I took the deer down as delicately as I could, very aware that Isabella was probably watching me.

_Yes, Cullen, because you'd hate to be accused of uncouth eating habits. You're a vampire. You kill things with your __teeth. There's really no way to sugarcoat that._

The doe struggled valiantly as I brought her to the ground, my arms wrapping firmly around her thick neck.

In a fraction of a second I had opened her throat and allowed myself to breathe once more as the acrid, coppery smell and hot salty taste cleared my mind of a different type of female.

I had just shut my eyes to take what small pleasure I could from my kill when I smelled a familiar scent on the breeze...and then I heard it. A low growl, relatively quiet in the stillness of the morning, but deafening to my ears because I knew what it was, and I knew what it wanted.

It was a mountain lion, and it wanted Isabella.

"EDWARD!"

I looked up at her as panic gripped me, now oblivious to the deer dying slowly in my arms as its blood pooled quickly on the forest floor.

I could see the mountain lion a few yards away from Isabella, its round vicious eyes fixed on her hungrily.

She was slowly backing away from it.

_Jesus, don't move, Isabella. He's a predator. He wants to chase you._

The words, "Don't run!" didn't get a chance to leave my mouth before she turned and raced down the sharp incline.

The large cat immediately gave chase, and although I was on my feet and sprinting toward it within half a second, I could only watch in horror as the large animal leaped at her, his jaws opening as he aimed for the juncture between her neck and her shoulder. The kill zone. The same area I had fantasized about so many times.

A violent rush of anxiety and panic raced through me as the thought that Isabella might be killed shredded my tenuous grip on my control.

_This is my fault. If I hadn't stopped breathing, I would have known he was there and not put her in danger._

_She can't die. I can't live without her._

I threw myself at the mountain lion the same instant his giant paws slammed into to her back, knocking her forward and making her tumble the remaining distance to the bottom of the mountain.

I tried to keep an eye on Isabella as my body crashed into the cat, and we rolled on the rocky ground. He was up quickly, swiping his giant paws at my chest. I batted them away and wrapped my arms around him as he snarled and thrashed against me.

I turned to see Isabella lying on the ground, groaning.

"Isabella!"

She lifted her head and rubbed her forehead with her hand, looking at me blearily. A thick smear of blood stained her perfect skin.

The beast inside me demanded to taste it at the same time the mountain lion shrieked in frustration and clawed at me, shredding my t-shirt.

I ignored the beast and the cat as I focused on trying to make sure she wasn't seriously hurt.

"Are you all right?" I demanded frantically as she sat up slowly and gaped at me.

"That's... Jesus, Edward, that's a mountain lion," she said in awe as the massive beast roared and squirmed in my arms.

"Isabella!" I yelled, not really caring that I sounded harsh because, for want of a better description, I was freaking the hell out. "Are you all right?"

"Uh... I'm...Y... yeah," she stammered, quickly surveying her body, "I think so. Just some cuts and bruises. I'm fine."

She held up her hands for closer inspection and I could see thin lines of red slowly oozing blood as she carefully picked out small fragments of rock from her skin.

The mountain lion snarled again.

I snarled back.

We could both smell the blood, and he was going to live just long enough to regret making her spill it.

_Fucker_.

With a level of savagery I'd never felt before, I sank my teeth into his neck and ripped out a chunk of flesh before lowering my mouth over the thick stream of spurting blood. I sucked his life-blood from him bitterly, swallowing quickly, barely aware that warm liquid was streaming down my chin and staining my ripped t-shirt.

My fingers dug into his fur-covered flesh as I drank, puncturing it easily, causing him agonizing pain, but it wasn't enough. I wanted him to suffer more. I wanted to rip him limb from limb for daring to hurt what was mine.

I settled for crushing his rib-cage against my chest, snapping his ribs like desiccated twigs and reveling in the tortured shriek that screamed out of him as he died.

I roared in satisfaction as I flung the broken carcass away from me violently, hearing it land with a resounding thud several hundred feet away.

A low growl echoed in my chest as the fresh blood infused me, and I spun around to find Isabella.

She was staring at me with wide eyes.

In my blurry blood-haze I wondered why the hell she was looking at me like that.

Then I felt it.

Thick liquid dripped off my chin and onto my chest. Isabella's eyes followed it. I could feel wetness running down my skin and I wondered what was causing it.

I glanced down to see the entire front of my t-shirt soaked with glistening crimson.

_No. God, please no._

I swiped my face with my hand, cringing as I felt it become coated with still-warm blood.

I looked at Isabella, and a sick, crawling anxiety prickled across my skin as she stared at me with disgusted intensity.

_There it is. The look I've always expected from her._

_And I deserve__ it. _

The epitome of my shame? Devolving into my most base, vile incarnation in front of the woman I'd hoped to share a future with.

Isabella's face was morphing between horror, incredulity and something indefinable every few seconds. I swallowed nervously as I waited to see where her final opinion landed, like a compulsive gambler watching the tumblers in a poker machine spin randomly, and praying desperately that the heartless Gods of fate would bless him with an improbably favorable outcome.

"He was going to kill you," I rasped pathetically as the blood dripped from my face in a gruesome rhythm; as if I could ever justify the torture I'd just inflicted on an innocent animal whose only crime was acting on its natural instincts.

"_What about me?"_ the beast thought bitterly as I continued to watch the cavalcade of emotions pass across Isabella's face. _I acted on natural instincts too. Why is he innocent while I'm damned?_

The answer was irritatingly simple.

_Because he__'s an animal who looks like an animal. I'm an animal pretending to be a man._

A look of absolute revulsion settled on Isabella's face, and for a moment I thought she was going to be sick.

I could practically feel the small kernel of hope that I'd cultivated for months wither and die. I'd fed it with my delusions that, despite being a monster, I deserved someone like her, but now all of those fantasies were crushed as completely as the doomed mountain lion's chest.

I exhaled in defeat, my disappointment choking me and closing my throat.

_I should have known it would end like this. Why was I naïve enough to expect anything else? It was ridiculous to hope that I was worthy of anything from her other than her absolute repugnance._

I looked away and wiped my bloody hands on my jeans, knowing that they'd never truly be clean enough to touch her again.

An uncomfortable silence stretched between us as the small sounds of the forest echoed in the stillness.

I was disgusted with myself. She was disgusted with me. I would have apologized if I thought it would have made a difference, but at this point I was certain she was just counting the seconds until she could get the hell away from me.

I forced myself to look at her. She was staring at the ground, unblinking, her hands torturing her hair as her chest rose and fell rapidly, her hands smeared with blood.

I fantasized about licking her hands clean.

No wonder I disgusted her.

I rubbed my eyes, the weight of my long, pointless existence suddenly weighing on me like an anvil.

She got slowly to her feet, brushing off the dust and debris from her fall and wincing with pain.

All I wanted to do was go to her and hold her and see if she was all right. Instead I stood where I was, immobilized by the knowledge that I would be probably never hold her again.

I was vaguely aware of the drying blood on my face and neck.

"Are you all right?" I asked numbly, turning away from her so she couldn't be further traumatized by my horrific appearance.

"I'm fine," she answered, her voice cold and emotionless.

"Can you walk?"

"Yes," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

I could hear her heart pounding furiously and the scent of her blood was becoming stronger with every wet thud. She was bleeding and I needed to do something about it, quickly. More for my sake than hers.

"Follow me," I said striding toward the sound of running water.

I walked slowly so Isabella could keep up, but I didn't look back at her. There was a cold, sharp ache in my chest that was threatening to expand and engulf me, but before that happened I needed to clean the blood off both of us so she could endure looking at me and I could endure carrying her home.

I hoped she would allow me to.

We came to a stream, and when we reached the water I took off my ruined t-shirt and crouched down, quickly scrubbing my face and chest, mindful that Isabella could never un-see what I'd become a few minutes ago, regardless of how much evidence I destroyed.

When I was finished I turned to her, my eyes automatically scanning the congealing blood on her hands with obvious hunger.

She took an involuntary step backward.

The ache in my chest throbbed.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Isabella," I snapped in frustration.

_Go ahead, Cullen, get angry __because she's disgusted by the bloodthirsty monster she just witnessed. _

_Like any of this is her fault. __Prick._

My body was aching with tension as I ripped off a piece of relatively clean fabric from my discarded t-shirt and dipped it in the water.

"We need to clean your wounds," I said brusquely, hating that my anger and frustration with myself was seeping through my voice.

She swallowed nervously and stepped forward, holding out her hands to me.

The image of her walking toward me, offering me her bloody palms, was too much. My head instantly filled with dozens of sadistic, pornographic images revolving around sex and bloodsucking.

I swayed on my feet as I tried to block them out, quickly stepping away from her.

"Don't," I said, holding my hand up so she would stop. "I... God... I can't. I'm sorry. Here..." I threw the scrap of wet fabric to her. "You'll have to do it."

I clenched my fists in frustration as my mind went back my bathroom earlier this morning. She'd tended to my wounds so faithfully, so carefully - despite the severity of them. She cared for me in a way that no one else had. And now, she needed me in the same way and I didn't even have the self-control to wipe away a few small smears of her blood.

I was pathetic.

She looked at me for a few seconds as if she was trying to figure out what to say.

_You'll find the words soon enough, Isabella, and I'm fairly certain they'll include, "Now get away from me__, you undead freak."_

I watched in silence as she dropped her eyes and cleaned her wounds.

The anger I had for my actions churned my insides as I contemplated going back to an existence without her. I felt a powerful wave of nausea wash over me, and this time I couldn't blame the wolf-blood.

_If I can't handle it...__ if I miss her too much... there's always the Volturi. Or the wolves._

My stomach coiled again as I watched her.

There wasn't much damage to her right hand and she quickly wiped over the shallow scratches with the wet fabric, but her left hand had a small but deep laceration that continued to bleed even after she'd cleaned it. I watched in perverse fascination as a perfect bead of glistening black-red swelled on her palm before its weight pulled it across the heel of her hand, plummeting to the damp ground.

I unconsciously licked my lips.

Isabella chose that moment to look up at me, forcing more shame and anger to flood through me.

"Put your hand in the stream," I ordered, swallowing down my traitorous venom. "The cold water will constrict your blood vessels and help stop the bleeding."

She bent down and immersed her hand into the stream, letting the frigid water tumble over her pale skin, washing away her blood.

My stomach twisted at the thought of the delicious liquid being wasted.

When she stood up the bleeding had mostly stopped.

My beast swore vociferously.

_"__Stop wanting her, asshole" _I seethed at him._ "You'll never have her." _

And now, neither would I.

The scent of her blood had lessened, so I steeled myself and walked over to her, ripping off another strip of clean t-shirt and wrapping it quickly around her hand before tying it.

I could feel her eyes studying me intently as I worked.

I avoided looking at her face. I couldn't bear it.

"That should protect it until we get back to the house," I mumbled as I stepped back, physically aching as I moved away from her.

"Edward..."

"We should head back," I snapped, cutting her off. "Carlisle and the others will be home soon and they may have news about the murder."

I turned and began walking, vaguely registering her stumbling behind me. Self-flagellating rage was simmering under my skin like boiling acid.

"Edward, wait."

"I think it would be best if we walk," I continued tersely, trying to find the least hazardous path for her. "It's not that far, but if you want me to... need me... to carry you, let me know."

"We need to talk."

I felt like my anger had become a corporeal being and was trying to scrape its way out of my skin.

"No. We don't," I seethed. "I know what you're going to say."

"I doubt that very much," she mumbled behind me.

I stomped through the undergrowth, my non-existent blood-pressure rising more with each second.

"Edward, slow down! Why are you so angry?"

"Isabella, let it go," I warned. "I'm not angry with you."

"Then tell me what's wrong!" she puffed, her voice getting further and further behind me. "Would you please stop?"

I stopped in my tracks and ran my fingers through my hair, sighing heavily as I looked down at my shoes.

They were covered in blood.

Of course.

Fuck.

"I should have known better than to want this," I mumbled to myself, "I should never have let myself get in so deep."

Tension was gripping all my muscles, bunching my shoulders and tightening my hands into fists.

"Edward, look at me," Isabella demanded as she stopped behind me.

I didn't want to look at her and be reminded of everything I was about to lose. I knew I was being petulant, but I just couldn't take it.

"Look at me!" she ordered more forcefully.

"Why?" I snapped, spinning around to meet her fiery eyes. "Do you want me to see the look of disgust on your face again? Because quite frankly, I can live without it."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she asked, her voice getting steadily louder.

"Disgust," I spat. "Horror, revulsion, abhorrence, detestation... do I need to go on?"

"Don't you fucking thesaurus me, Edward, I'm not an idiot."

"No, you're not, but I am. What the hell was I thinking?"

"Well if you figure that out could you let me know because I'm lost?"

"My stupidity knows no bounds. Bringing you out here... letting you see me hunt... putting you in danger."

"You saved me from danger!"

"You wouldn't have been in danger in the first place if it wasn't for me!" I countered. "I stopped breathing so I could resist your scent and look what happens. I practically fed you to a giant fucking feline."

"You didn't know it was there!"

"I should have!" I snarled. "If I wasn't so weak that I had to cut off one of my senses in order to be with you, I would have known."

"Edward...!"

"And now you've seen what I truly am and it sickens you. And so it should. I'm not some romantic romance-novel vampire who sips blood delicately from a cut-crystal glass, Isabella. What you saw today? That's me. A snarling, sadistic monster who tortures innocent animals to compensate for his own immense stupidity."

"That's not how I see you!"

"Well, that's how I am! A freak of nature that walks in the world of men, but doesn't really belong there!"

"You think you're the only freak here today?" she yelled at me, her eyes blazing and her cheeks flushed with color. "How the FUCK do you think I feel, huh? A week ago I hated my life and my boyfriend and the sick yearning in my gut that _knew_ I needed more, and then YOU come along and suddenly I'm hit with the knowledge that what I needed...what I've ALWAYS needed, is a supernatural blood-sucker who drinks living creatures like they're goddamn juice-boxes and wants to KILL ME ninety percent of the time we're together!"

"Ninety-five percent," I growled, "And sometimes when we're apart too."

"Whatever!" she practically screamed as she glared at me. "And you think you SICKEN me? Jesus, Edward, I WISH you sickened me. I WISH seeing you dominate and mutilate that mountain lion didn't get me so goddamn hot I thought I was going orgasm just from _watching_ you! I WISH seeing you covered in blood disgusted me instead of making me practically groan with lust. The look of disgust you saw on my face? It was for _myself_, jackass, not _you_, because I was horrified that I could see everything I saw today and not only NOT want to run screaming, but actually want you even more than I did before, if that's even freaking possible! So don't you DARE stand there and whine about what a monster _you_ are! You're a vampire. It's expected of you. What the hell is _my_ excuse?"

She glared at me fiercely, her breathing loud and fast.

My brain struggled to comprehend everything she'd just said.

For once in my long existence I felt lost for words. She was not only _not_ repulsed by my actions; she actually found them... _arousing_?

_Dear God__._

Overwhelming relief rushed through me, quickly followed by uncontrollable lust.

In a flash I was in front of her, a surprised gasp not even getting past her lips before I covered her mouth with mine.

I kissed her in a frenzy, my mouth and tongue desperate to taste as much of her as possible. She immediately matched my energy, her tongue stroking and sucking mine as my hands found her skin, warm and impossibly soft.

Her proximity, her taste, her smell – everything incited me, made me burn for her. My hunger was still there, simmering beneath the surface of my lust, but the sensation of her skin against mine was the most important thing in my world right now, and I couldn't get enough.

_Jesus, so delicious, even on the outside._

My hands gripped her hips, pulling her against me.

_Too hard, Cullen! Concentrate, for God's sake! You can't grab her like that, she'll bruise._

I released my fingers, desperate to not damage her.

She grabbed two large handfuls of my hair and pulled, breaking our kiss and looking at me with steely determination.

"I'm not a porcelain doll, Edward," she scolded. "Stop being so damn careful with me."

Apparently I didn't need to be told twice because my hands gripped her again, pulling her hard against me as I ground my erection into her and groaned.

"Better," she gasped as she attacked my mouth with fresh vigor.

"Isabella," I panted, reluctant to stop kissing her but needing to clarify her warped perception of herself. "What you said before? About you being a freak? You're not."

"What am I then?" she asked, her breathing fast and loud as one hand gripped my hair and the other reached between us to stroke my erection through my jeans. "Because this isn't normal, Edward. They way I react to you? The way every damn thing you do turns me on no matter how dangerous or disgusting it might be? The overwhelming need to be with you and touch you and have you touch me, even when I KNOW it tortures you and puts me in danger? It's not normal. I feel like a crazy person."

I wanted to tell her that she was made for me. That she was my mate and I was hers and that's why we reacted to each other in the irrational, uncontrollably passionate way we did, but I didn't want to scare her by talking about my hopes for her joining me in immortality. Not yet. Not when I was still uncertain as to whether I deserved to keep her with me.

But I needed her to understand how I felt. At least in part.

"You're not crazy," I reassured her, cupping her beautiful face in my hands as the heat from her body blazed through to my bones, "you're perfect."

I kissed her deeply before moving my lips to her cheek, her jaw, her neck, her ear, punctuating the meaning behind my words by pressing my hungry mouth to her siren-skin.

"The perfect woman... the perfect body... the perfect blood," I groaned as my lips pressed against the giant artery in her neck. "I couldn't have made you better even if I'd been able to."

She wound her arms around my head and gasped as I suckled her neck, a faint tinge of fear coloring her scent as I opened my mouth to taste her skin, my tongue pressing against her hammering pulse.

"Even your taste is perfect," I groaned as I forced myself to ignore the building desire to take her delicate skin between my teeth.

"No, Edward," she panted, as I sucked on her earlobe, "I'm one of the most flawed people I know. 'Perfect' is something I'm most definitely not."

"Yes. You are," I insisted, kissing back up her neck as my hands dipped under her shirt, finding the smooth, warm skin of her stomach. "You're perfect for me."

Every inch of skin I touched sent pulses of pure energy straight to my groin. I needed more. I needed all of her.

In a second I had her pushed up against the trunk of a large pine. She gasped as I ground against her and immediately wrapped her legs around my waist, pressing her outrageous heat against me, making me ache to be surrounded by it.

"God," she moaned as her heart pounded furiously, "when I feel your body against mine, I want to believe everything you're saying."

"Believe it," I growled, unbuttoning her shirt slowly and kissing every new inch of skin I exposed; my lips and tongue ravenous for the taste of her flesh and the scent of the blood just beneath it. "You wanting to be with me at all is remarkable, but that you can see me at my worst... when every pretense of being controlled and civilized and... human... has been stripped away, and still want to be with me? It's... Isabella, it's more than I could have ever wished for. So believe me when I say, as far as I'm concerned, you're absolutely and unexpectedly perfect."

I pushed her shirt open and stared in wonder at her breasts covered with a simple white bra. I didn't have much experience with breasts, but in my humble opinion, Isabella's were astonishing.

I was suddenly furious that her bra was covering them, hiding them from my eyes, and fingers, and mouth.

I shredded the offending article in a fraction of a second. Her eyes widened as she found herself instantly semi-naked.

"Edward," she moaned and glared at me, "as hot as that was, that was my favorite bra you just destroyed."

"I'll buy you a hundred new ones," I growled as my mouth closed around a perfect pink nipple.

Her back arched and she cried out as I sucked at her greedily.

"Ohhhhhh...holy shit!"

_God, her skin. How can one woman's skin taste so utterly incredible__?_

Her flesh was unbelievable; sweet and salty and hot against my tongue.

I needed to have her. I needed to be inside of her. I needed her completely naked and pressed against me.

"Isabella," I moaned as I moved to the other nipple, "wrap your arms around my neck."

"What? Why?" she panted, releasing my hair and doing as I asked.

"Because," I answered as I pulled her away from the tree and hugged her to my chest, "I'm going to run and I need you to hold on."

"Oh, hell," she said, clinging to me desperately and burying her head in my neck.

I took off, sprinting through the forest toward the place I had been fantasizing about making love to her since the first moment I saw her.

My meadow.

The images of her riding idiot-Jacob flashed through my mind, making me growl possessively low in my chest, but I was determined to erase those memories and replace them with images of her writhing above me. It was going to be _me_ making her moan and scream as she took pleasure from _my_ body, not his.

I remembered the dark purple handprints he'd left on her shoulders, and the ever-present urge to kill him flared inside me.

_Lupine prick._

I growled again.

"Edward," Isabella whispered into my neck, "I just need you to know that when you growl like that, my vagina screams your name."

"Good to know," I said, unable to suppress my smirk. I vowed to use that knowledge to my advantage as much as possible while pushing all thoughts of asshole-Jacob from my mind.

Suddenly I felt her hot mouth on my neck, her tongue and teeth suckling me.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

I swerved suddenly to avoid smashing into a tree.

"Isabella," I groaned, "I'm... God... I'm trying to run... and... Jesus." Her tongue had trailed up to my jaw and she was kissing it, her lips soft and open, her teeth gently nipping at my skin.

"You want me to stop?" she asked, sucking my earlobe into her mouth.

"Hell, no," I gasped as I increased my speed, resisting the urge to shred all our clothes off and fuck her on the spot.

I was throbbing painfully and needed to find some relief as soon as possible. Her heat and scent combined like an exotic, erotic drug; intoxicating me, making it almost impossible to comprehend anything but my desperate need for her.

By the time I burst into the meadow I felt like my body was singed from the heat of hers. My skin was crawling with the need to have her, totally and completely. My venom was streaming behind my teeth and I was more than aware that the compulsion to bite her was becoming dangerously strong.

When I reached the spot where I'd first witnessed her and Jacob, I set her down and stepped back, needing a few moments to regain my control and breathe.

"Just... one minute," I said, turning away from her so I could concentrate.

"Oh... holy... crap," I heard her say.

I looked over to see her staring at me with wide eyes.

"Edward," she whispered, "what the hell is up with your skin?"

I looked down at my bare chest. The sunlight streaming into the meadow was making it sparkle with prismatic color.

_Oh, right. Forgot to tell her about the whole 'vampires sparkle in the sunlight' thing._

I sighed.

"When we're changed our skin crystallizes," I said, suddenly feeling very self-conscious and wishing I hadn't thrown away my t-shirt.

_Ridiculous goddamn sparkling skin._

Her eyes were roaming over my torso, taking in my bare chest, stomach, shoulders and arms. Despite the look of incredulity on her face, her eyes left a trail of thrilling electricity wherever she looked.

I could see her restraining herself from touching me, and I didn't want her to. I wanted her hands all over me. I wanted her mouth on mine. I wanted our bodies to be joined.

"See?" she said in wonder. "Yet another example of me not reacting like a normal person. I mean, if anyone else told me that their skin sparkled in the sunlight like a goddamn mirror-ball I'd laugh my ass off but on you... oh, hell, Edward... you're... the way you look... Jesus, you're just so... you're... you take my breath away."

I was mesmerized as her eyes flickered over my body, her cheeks coloring as her hands reached out not quite far enough to touch me, like she was frightened I would shatter and break.

Little did she know, the only time I was prone to shattering was when her hands _weren't_ on me.

"Isabella," I said, taking a step forward and placing her hands on my chest, almost gasping at the electricity of her touch, "it's just skin."

"It's stunning," she sighed as her hands moved over me.

_God, yes, Isabella; touch me. I need you all over me...__ around me._

I pulled her against me and kissed her, unable to stay away from her for one more second.

She mover her hands over me hungrily and her heart was hammering in her chest. I inhaled deeply, drawing her sweet musk into me.

My mouth devoured hers a she grazed her fingers all over my body – my chest, my stomach, my shoulders and arms. It was like she was mapping me – studying every muscle and groove – cataloging my moans as she experimented with finding my erogenous zones.

Unfortunately, as far as Isabella was concerned, my whole damn body was an erogenous zone and every brush of her fingers brought me closer to the short tether of my control. The sensation of being perennially aroused by another being was both unfamiliar to me and staggeringly thrilling.

It was also highly dangerous.

The beast roared to life under her touch and I pulled back quickly so I could swallow my venom, ignoring the burn and willing myself to be strong for her.

"You are so beautiful," she whispered as her hands continued their journey of discovery. "How is it possible that one man is so beautiful?"

"No one has ever called me that before," I panted, her words and face and scent filling me until there was nothing else in the world but her.

"You are," she insisted. "Beautiful and unbelievably sexy."

She pulled me back to her mouth as her hands traveled down over my thighs, scraping lightly on the denim as she trailed across my erection and then curved around to my back.

I groaned as she touched me, my eyes closing and my breathing becoming erratic as she ignited every cell in my body to burn just for her.

_How did __I__ live without this for so long? Without her? _

I softly chanted her name as she touched me, struggling to remember a time when I'd felt so intensely intimate. I couldn't.

"Your body is incredible," she said in awe.

"So is yours," I groaned as my hands reached out for her, unable to keep myself from touching her any longer. I pushed open her shirt, revealing her breasts. They were stunning in the early morning light, full and round. I grazed my fingers over their softness and she gasped loudly.

"So incredible," I whispered as I watched the delicate flesh react to my touch, contracting and hardening.

I removed the rest of her clothing quickly, and in turn she removed mine. Within thirty seconds we were both naked, kissing and touching, pressing our bodies against each other and searching for more.

My mouth went to her throat, closing over her thudding pulse and sucking gently. I circled my hips, rubbing my cock against her and groaning as she reached between us and grasped it.

"Holy Jesus, Edward," Isabella gasped as she pushed at my chest, "you're so... God, I've never felt a man so... hard. Oh... uh... you need to lie down. Now."

I pulled away from her and did as I was told, my erection standing proud as I watched her straddle my thighs and lean over to kiss my chest.

_God her mouth. Hot and wet and everywhere._

"You taste incredible," she said as her tongue moved over my skin. "I've never tasted anything like you."

My fingers dug into the ground as her mouth moved to my nipples.

The sensation was too much and not enough. Sharp bolts of pleasure rocked through me with every pass of her tongue, and my cock was screaming for relief.

I pressed my head back into the damp grass and moaned loudly.

"Isabella," I rasped between clenched teeth, "I need to be inside you. Immediately. Please."

She kissed me fiercely as she reached down, her hand gripping my length.

_Oh __Lord. Fingers... warm... strong... stroking me._

I growled in desire and she moaned into my mouth, suddenly breaking the kiss as she lowered herself onto me, watching my face intently as I entered her, inch by mind-blowing inch.

The sense of utter completion and mind-bending pleasure that washed over me as I entered her was dizzying.

"Ohhhh... Edward," she moaned as her eyes clouded with ecstasy, "You just... you feel so perfect inside me."

"God, yes," I said as my body was encased in hers. "So perfect, Isabella."

We both froze momentarily as our bodies embraced each other, our eyes locking in astonishment at the sensations we were experiencing.

Then she started to move, slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. My hands went to her hips and I gripped her as tightly as I dared, pushing down the overwhelming urge to thrust hard and fast and spill myself desperately inside her.

She raised and lowered herself over me, her face frowning in concentration as she angled her hips in search of her pleasure.

Her eyes were full of dark fire, burning into mine as my muscles coiled and tightened in response.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked breathlessly as I moved my hips carefully, applying more pressure to our thrusts.

"I can't believe you're here," she answered, looking down at my face, her breathing increasing in pace as she braced her hands on my chest, giving herself more leverage. "Right here, beneath me. Inside me. For so long I thought I'd invented you in my mind. I simultaneously patted myself on the back for creating the perfect man, and cursed myself for producing a fantasy that could never be realized. But... you're here, and... you... you want me just as much I want you."

"No," I said firmly as she pushed herself down on me, "I want you more."

Her breathing hitched at my words and she leaned down, her face inches from mine, her eyes focused intently on my mouth.

"Not possible."

"Very possible," I countered before she stopped me talking by kissing me.

Our bodies moved together, her warm softness molding to my cold hardness, each of us groaning our pleasure to the empty meadow. But my body was throbbing and impatient, needing more from her. Needing to be deeper, harder. Needing her to need it too.

My arms wrapped around her as my mouth went to her neck, my nose finding the pulsing artery where the smell of her blood was the strongest.

_Jesus__._

Her scent was so strong.

The beast was rumbling around in my brain, flexing his muscles and begging for what I wasn't willing to give him.

I grunted as I fought to control him.

"Edward?" Isabella asked quietly as if she could see the animal behind my eyes, "Do you want to kill me right now?"

"Yes," I answered honestly.

"Are you going to?"

"No."

I inhaled as she exhaled, drawing the moist air of her breath into me, tasting it on my tongue.

"Then fuck me harder," she ordered, her eyes steely and dark.

"God... yes," I groaned, never wanting something so much in my life.

I flipped her over onto her back and thrust as deeply as I dared, kissing her fiercely and losing myself in the miracle sensation of my body in hers.

"Oh, yes... Isabella," I groaned as I felt her body tighten in preparation for release. "Yes... you're so beautiful when you come."

I reached between us and stroked her as I bent my head to her breasts, sucking and licking as she gripped me desperately, her whole body tensing as my thrusts became faster.

"Oh... God... Edward... yes," she moaned as she held her breath and threw her head back, "Oh... YES!"

"Yes, Isabella," I groaned. "You're so beautiful."

She bucked and groaned beneath me as her orgasm hit her, her muscles gripping and releasing me in excruciating waves as I felt the edges of my own climax stretch and tighten inside me.

I moaned and squeezed my eyes shut as my thrusts became erratic and uneven, the tension inside me tighter than razor-wire, sending sharp bolts of pleasure shooting through me.

My head fell into her neck as I exploded inside her, the tension inside me snapping as I released in hot, blinding waves.

"Ahhhhh... God... Isabella!"

Instinctively my hand came up to my mouth and I clamped down savagely, unable to deny the overwhelming urge to bite any longer.

My hand blazed with agonizing pain as my venom pumped into it, but the satisfaction I felt at once again bringing Isabella pleasure, and, in turn, finding my own, more than compensated for it.

As the final tremors shuddered through me, we both panted heavily, embracing each other in the warm sunlight.

Eventually I eased myself out of her and collapsed on the grass, drawing her into my chest and sighing deeply, my muscles more heavy and satiated then they'd ever been.

She rested her warm cheek on my chest and I listened in fascination as her heartbeat slowly returned to a less desperate rhythm.

"Edward?" Isabella said after many minutes of contented silence.

"Hmmmm?" I murmured, too content to even speak.

"Thank you for letting me see you hunt. It was... well... it was unbelievably sexy."

I thought about the disaster of my hunting trip, and I somehow managed to push aside the memories of Isabella's near-death experience, and focus solely on the subsequent mind-altering sex.

"Anytime," I sighed.

"If you're interested," she said as she propped herself up on one elbow so she could look down at me, "you can come and watch me hunt down a hamburger some time."

I laughed and kissed her.

"That sounds thrilling. And disgusting. Thank you for the invitation."

"No problem," she said, smiling as she settled back into my chest. "I mean, I can't guarantee I'm going to get ketchup all over my chin so it drips down onto my breasts, but I'll give it a go."

I chuckled again and realized that it had been too long since I'd heard the sound of my own laughter.

We lay there for a few more minutes, stroking each other's skin and enjoying the brightness of the new day, when the serenity was suddenly shattered by the sound of my cell phone blaring in the relative silence.

'I Touch Myself' rang out from my phone. Alice had obviously been screwing with my ringtone again.

With a groan I extricated myself from Isabella and reached out to grab my jeans, pulling my phone from my pocket and quickly answering it.

"Please stop messing with my phone," I said in mock-irritation. "Isabella will think I'm some kind of pervert."

I smiled as the gorgeous naked woman lying in the grass giggled and rolled her eyes at me.

"Carlisle wants you back at the house," Alice said brusquely with an edge of panic in her voice, "so get your pants back on and re-dress Bella."

"What's going on?" I asked frowning, knowing that my sister wasn't prone to panic unless absolutely necessary.

"The wolves have found another body."

I stood up quickly and pulled on my jeans.

"And?" I asked, eager for more information. "Was it a vampire attack?"

"Yes."

"Did you get a scent off the body?" I asked as I helped Isabella to her feet.

"Yes," she sighed.

"So that proves there's another vampire in the area, right?" I said, becoming impatient with my sister's reluctance to tell me what the hell was going on. "It proves to the wolves that I'm innocent?"

"Edward," she said somberly, "the scent on the dead body was yours."

...

...

...

* * *

_**Author's Notes**_

**Okay, this can't be good, right? What the hell's going on, and what is WindowWard going to do about it?**

**If you want to discuss theories and generally curse my name, head to the Twilighted thread.**

**For those of you who haven't read my other fic, The Screamers, it's now complete *sniffle* so check it out if you have the time.**

**If you want to chat, find me on Twitter. I have Robporn.**

**Reviews make my heart smile. Please leave one.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	9. An Uneasy Alliance

**Chapter Notes**

**Welcome back, dear readers.**

**To my amazing Beta-Goddess, Irritable Grizzzly - you make me smile every damn day. How do you do that?**

**Huge thanks to pre-readers J_e_n_n_ and lavishone.**

**Disclaimer: SM own the characters of Twilight. ****I**** just enjoy playing ****with**** them.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 9 – An Uneasy Alliance**

**EPOV**

"What the HELL is going on, Carlisle?" I yelled angrily as I paced the length of the living room. "I haven't fed on humans for over twenty years! How is it possible that bodies are showing up with my scent on them? "

"Edward, calm down."

"I'll calm down when you tell me how the HELL we're going to fix this, because at the moment I'm due to be wolf kibble in about sixteen hours and based on the evidence, I deserve to be!

"Edward..."

"How is it possible that another vampire has drained these bodies and not left a scent?"

"Edward..."

"How can Jas and Emmett have scoured the forest and not found ANY evidence of another vampire in the area?"

"Edward!"

"It's like we're dealing with a goddamn phantom intent on screwing me over!"

"EDWARD, THAT'S ENOUGH!"

I stopped pacing and turned to face Carlisle who was glaring at me with his most potent 'I'm-your-father-and-you-WILL-do-as-I-say' face.

I suddenly felt like a twelve-year-old.

"Sit down," he said quietly. "We need to think through this situation rationally and that's not going to happen if you continue to panic."

I grudgingly stalked over to the armchair opposite the couch and flopped down. I looked up to see Alice and Isabella watching me with concerned faces.

"I wasn't panicking," I mumbled to Isabella, embarrassed for her to have seen me doing just that.

"Of course you weren't," Alice said sarcastically.

I ran my hand through my hair and resisted the urge to tell her to shut the hell up.

"How is it that you're getting _nothing_ about this situation?" I accused as I glared at her. "What's the use of a precognitive sister if she can't even prove you're not a murderer?"

She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Not recently anyway," I clarified with a scowl.

_Goddammit, you kill a few thousand people when you're young and foolish and end up paying for it for the rest of your un-life._

I rubbed my eyes wearily.

"I've told you, Edward," Alice said defensively, "the proximity of the wolves is messing with my visions. I haven't been able to get anything solid since I arrived."

A completely inappropriate comment regarding my current propensity for being permanently solid flashed through my mind, and I glanced at Isabella.

She was staring at me with a strange intensity. My body reacted accordingly.

_Yep. Solid as a rock._

I instantly thought of a dozen different images of how I'd like to relieve my solidity.

_Isabella's hands. Isabella's mouth. Isabella, naked and panting and bent over the back of the couch she was sitting on, screaming my name._

Alice rolled her eyes and made a gagging sound.

"_I think I liked you better when you were sexless and miserable_," she thought bitterly. _"At least then I didn't have to put up with your sicko fantasies."_

As if I hadn't been tortured by her filthy thoughts about Jasper for too many decades.

"Bite me," I mumbled under my breath.

"That's the wolves' job," she mumbled back.

Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Are you two finished?" he asked, more patiently than we probably deserved.

"Yes," Alice & I muttered in unison.

"Then let's concentrate on the task at hand, shall we?" he said, looking between us. "Now, obviously someone is murdering humans and trying to frame Edward."

"Obviously," I stated dryly.

"The question is who, and why?"

He turned to me.

"Edward? Do you have any enemies that you know of?"

"No," I answered honestly, "unless you count Isabella's ex-boyfriend, but I very much doubt he had the time or intelligence to plan something like this."

I noticed Isabella tense at the mention of Jacob.

"Jake wouldn't do something like this," she said firmly. "It's not like him."

I was suddenly irrationally angry.

"Just like it wasn't like him to leave huge hand-sized bruises on your shoulders?" I challenged, bristling at the memory of the dark blemishes marring her perfect skin.

She glared at me.

"He wasn't well, Edward," she said sharply, obviously trying to not rip my head off in front of my family. "You know that."

Of course I knew that. It didn't make me want to kill him any less.

In fact, the knowledge that Jacob was emotionally unstable because he was undergoing a transformation into a giant, practically-indestructible wolf with razor-sharp teeth that could slice me into bite-sized pieces made me want to kill him more. Immediately. While he was still mostly human and slightly vulnerable.

That he'd hurt Isabella was just further incentive.

"It doesn't excuse what he did to you," I said in irritation, watching as she ran her hand through her hair. "But I agree that it isn't really the sort of thing he could devise." - _In that pea-sized Neanderthal brain of his._

Isabella narrowed her eyes at me and I felt her anger, as I'm sure she felt mine.

"What about other vampires?" Carlisle asked, obviously ignoring the tension in the room. "Is there anyone who might have a vendetta against you?"

"Not that I'm aware of," I sighed and forced myself to look away from Isabella. "The only vampires I've ever interacted with are members of my own family and the Denali clan, and I doubt I've irritated anyone from either group enough for them to go to these lengths."

Alice looked at me warily.

"What about Tanya?" she asked.

Isabella's eyes immediately shot to mine before she glanced at Alice.

"Who's Tanya?" she asked, unable to keep the jealous curiosity from her voice.

"A friend," I said, glaring at Alice and willing her to shut the hell up. "An old friend of the family."

"Edward," Alice said, "you have to consider her as a possibility."

"No, I don't," I snapped, wanting this line of questioning to be over. "Tanya wouldn't do something like this."

"Wouldn't she?" Alice countered. "She was pretty upset after you..."

"Alice, let it go," I ordered as I stood up and started pacing again. I really didn't want to be discussing Tanya right now, especially in front of Isabella.

"No, I won't let it go," Alice insisted. "If she's the only vampire that you've had a...falling out with, then she's a suspect. We need to talk about her."

I sighed in frustration.

I was the first to admit that I'd handled the situation with Tanya badly. I'd tried to be what she wanted - tried to act the way I should and feel the things I knew were expected of me - but I just ended up deluding myself and hurting her in the process.

Still, I doubted very much that she was so distraught she'd try to exact this type of revenge. Tanya was many things, but vengeful wasn't one of them. In fact, I was certain that she'd well and truly forgotten about our dalliance and moved on. She wasn't one to deprive herself of male companionship for long.

"Edward, who is Tanya?" Isabella demanded more forcefully.

_She was the woman everyone believed could be my mate. Logically, she should have been__. But my heart doesn't think logically, and she wasn't you, Isabella. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make her you._

I opened my mouth to dismiss her query with a vague platitude, but Carlisle stepped in front of me, looking at me seriously and talking so softly Isabella couldn't hear.

"Son, if you plan on trying to be with this girl, you have to be honest with her. Completely. If you want to include her in these discussions, and I think you should because she's going to be affected by this situation, then she needs all relevant information. And like it or not, Tanya is relevant."

I would have argued if I thought I could, but as usual, Carlisle was right. Sometimes his never-ending wisdom was as irritating as hell.

I turned to address Isabella.

"Tanya is part of the Denali Clan," I said, speaking carefully as Isabella frowned and her mouth pressed into a tight line, "a coven similar to ours. Vegetarian vampires. She and I were...involved."

I watched her swallow and blink several times. Her heart rate sped up.

Her jealousy was glorious.

"We had different expectations about what we meant to each other and we parted company, not on the best terms," I continued, watching her blood color her cheeks. "In fact 'emotionally dysfunctional asshole' was the term she chose to leave me with." I remembered Tanya's furious face as she shrieked at me to get out. I could only feel overwhelming relief. "It wasn't an inaccurate description."

Isabella nodded and looked down, picking idly at the hem of her shirt.

"You were lovers," she said, stating a fact rather than asking a question.

"Yes," I conceded, not really wanting to get into the details of the limited and mostly unsatisfying nature of our sexual encounters.

In fact, having experienced sex with Isabella, I couldn't even be sure that what I'd done with Tanya was remotely related.

"We were only together for a few months over a year ago," I said, trying to soothe her. "I can't imagine she even thinks of me anymore."

"I can't imagine she doesn't think of you," Isabella muttered as she shifted uncomfortably. "You're kind of unforgettable."

"Alice, you'd better call..." Carlisle began but my sister was already dialing her phone, knowing what he was about to ask her.

"Irina?" she said as she strode into the kitchen. "It's Alice. Is Tanya around?"

As Alice disappeared to another part of the house Carlisle knelt in front of Isabella and opened his doctor's bag, removing antiseptic and gauze for her injuries.

Carlisle held out his hand. "May I?" he asked.

She didn't hesitate before removing the bloodied strip of t-shirt and placing her hands in his.

He gently ran his fingers over the shallow scratches and bruises, turning her hands in his as he examined them carefully, and pausing when he reached the deepest of the cuts.

"This laceration won't need stitches, but you'll have to be careful about re-opening it," he said, quickly cleaning and dressing the wound as he spoke.

I was resentful at how easy it was for him to be close to her. To touch her. To resist her blood.

I had always been jealous of Carlisle's extreme control, but now, seeing him interact with Isabella so effortlessly, I was filled with irrational bitterness.

"So what's the plan here, Carlisle?" I snapped, turning away from them. "Are we just going to hope whoever is behind this will reveal him or herself miraculously before the wolves decide to come after me and gnaw on my bones?"

He stood up and turned to me, wearing the half-smile I've come to expect when he's amused by my petulance. It was infuriating.

"Actually, Edward, I have Jasper and Emmett widening the search to surrounding areas, seeing if there are any indications of vampire activity that would prove the presence of an outside party. Unfortunately, apart from the recent murders, there haven't been any reports of missing persons from Forks in the past few weeks. They're now investigating Port Angeles. Sam has graciously held off calling the authorities about the latest victim until we have a chance to examine the body. They're waiting for us in the forest."

Alice walked back into the room and resumed her position next to Bella.

"Well," she said smugly, "Tanya isn't in Denali. She took off over six months ago, supposedly to clear her head." She looked at me with steely eyes. "Irina said she'd been quiet and distant since you left. Her exact words were 'heartbroken and bitter'."

"I find that very hard to believe," I scoffed.

"Believe it, "Alice insisted. "Irina said they heard from her a few months ago, rambling that she'd met a new man but that he couldn't compare to you. They haven't heard from her since."

"Have they tried to contact her?" Isabella asked, leaning forward.

"Yes. Her cell is switched off and they have no idea where she is."

I exhaled and sat down, rubbing my face with my hands.

"Edward," Alice said carefully as I glanced over at her, "I didn't tell you this earlier, but...Tanya called me about six months ago. It must have been just before she left. She asked me where you were."

"What?" I said, incredulously. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it was important at the time," she said defensively. "Before you crowned yourself Prince of the Douchewads, we used to be friends and talked all the time. Mostly we'd end up lamenting about what an absolute ass you are, so her asking about where you went after you left the family wasn't unusual."

"And what did you say?" I asked, pushing down my anger as she looked at me sheepishly.

"I told her you went to Forks."

"Jesus, Alice! So she could have been stalking me for months?"

"Edward, I had no clue she was going to go all 'Fatal Attraction' on you!"

"Let's not condemn her without proof," Carlisle said, trying to restore calm. "We don't know for certain that this has anything to do with Tanya."

"It's the only theory we have at the moment," I countered, "as unlikely a scenario as it seems."

"Well we'll have to investigate it further later." He put his bag on the table and clipped it shut. "Right now we have a dead body to inspect. Edward, you're with me. Alice, you stay here with Bella."

"No way," Isabella said as she stood up. "If this involves Edward then I want to come."

"Absolutely not," I responded, also standing. "I've subjected you to enough horror for one day, and I don't need to add viewing a dead body to the list. Besides you haven't eaten and you've barely slept."

"I'm not tired or hungry," she insisted as she placed her hands on her hips, her eyes growing hard and determined, "and I think I've proven that I can cope with horror, Edward, so stop arguing with me and let's get moving. We're wasting time."

I walked over to her, shaking my head.

"Isabella, this isn't the sort of thing you should see."

I felt like I was stripping her innocence from her one layer at a time just by allowing her to be in my world.

"That's not your decision to make," she said, jutting her jaw defiantly, "it's mine, so stop acting like I need your permission. I'm coming. Deal with it."

She glared are me, daring me to contradict her.

I took in her decisive posture and glanced at Carlisle, looking for support.

He didn't give it to me. Instead he shrugged.

"As long as it's not dangerous, I don't see why she can't come. Bella's proven to have a strong stomach and I'm sure you'd feel more at ease knowing she's with you in case anything happens."

Carlisle conjured up several images of a faceless vampire showing up at the house and attacking Bella, and my stomach curled in on itself.

_Not fair, Father._

"Fine," I said, closing my mind and breathing deeply. "Let's go. The bossy human wins this round."

I gestured for Isabella to walk in front of me and we all filed out of the house, pulling the broken doors closed behind us.

"I think you'll find I'm going to win most rounds, vamp-boy," she whispered, as I pulled her onto my back, her hot breath on my ear making me shiver with fresh lust, "so you'd better get used to it, okay?"

"We'll see about that," I murmured, as I turned my head. Our faces were almost touching.

I exhaled and watched her eyes cloud with lust. She looked at my mouth longingly and I smirked, reveling in the effect I had on her.

"I'm a _very_ sore loser," I whispered as my lips hovered over hers, "and very good at games."

I grazed my lips across hers and she moaned softly.

_God, her skin __is magnificent. Pink and perfect and thrumming with life. _

The beast bristled at the contact and I pulled back, but I could see she wanted me to give her so much more.

"Later," I murmured.

She tightened her hold on me and muttered, "I hate later."

"Let's go," Carlisle said, jolting me back to reality as he started to run, heading northwest toward the border of the Quileute lands.

Alice and I followed him, increasing our pace as he pulled ahead.

I could feel and hear Isabella's heartbeat pick up as my speed increased, and I wondered if she'd ever get used to traveling like this. I certainly hoped so, because even though it was excruciating to have her pulsing blood pressed against my body, it was also incredibly comforting to have her wrapped around me so completely. She clung to me as if she never wanted to let go, and that was a concept that I very much liked.

It wasn't long before Carlisle called over his shoulder, "We're here."

I could smell the wolves before I saw them and their stench made my skin crawl with prickling violence. I slowed my pace as they came into view, four of them standing in human form around a sheet-covered lump on the ground, their suspicious eyes following our every move as we stopped in front of them.

I gently lowered Isabella to her feet and the pack eyed her bitterly.

"Hey, Sam," she said nervously as she stepped forward, glancing at the other boys and acknowledging them. "Embry...Jared...Paul. So...you're wolves, huh? That's...weird."

They glared at her silently, all but Sam coldly ignoring her greeting.

"Hello, Bella," Sam said with forced civility.

The looks of disgust on the other boys' faces made me want to rip their skin off. Slowly.

Isabella cleared her throat self-consciously.

"So...uh...have you seen Jake since last night? How is he?"

Before Sam could answer, Paul shot forward, his eyes hard and hands curled into fists as he bore down on Isabella.

"How the hell do you think he is, Bella?" he spat acidly as he advanced on her. "Two years that boy dedicated to loving you. Two fucking years he spent trying to be the perfect boyfriend, only to have you betray him by screwing a goddamned bloodsucker! You're unbelievable! He's fucking crushed. THAT'S how he's feeling. Are you happy now? Was this undead freak worth it, you selfish bitch?"

I quickly stepped between them, my rage exploding as I witnessed her face cloud with massive pain and guilt.

Poisonous fury boiled inside me, searing my veins and making my fists ache for violence.

"Say one more word to her and I'll rip out your tongue," I snarled as I scowled down at his aggravatingly defiant face.

"Oh, yeah?" he challenged. "I seem to remember that we squarely kicked your ass last night, leech, but if you're looking for a repeat performance, I'd be only too happy to oblige."

"I seem to remember it took all four of you to take me down," I growled, my anger expanding like a balloon inside me, making my muscles tremble. "If it came down to just you and me, dog, you'd be dead before you threw the first punch."

"Give me your best shot, parasite," he challenged.

In a millisecond he was flat on his back with my hand around his throat and my knee planted firmly in his chest.

His eyes widened as I cut off his oxygen supply.

_Edward, no!_

Alice's mind filled with images of me crushing the dog's throat with my fingers and all hell breaking loose as wolves and vampires battled each other viciously. She showed me an image of Isabella screaming in pain as she was caught in the violence.

My stomach lurched violently.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed the images from my mind, gritting my teeth as I struggled to bring my fury under control.

"Edward, that's enough," Carlisle warned.

_No, it's not, dear father. '__Enough' would be me letting the beast tear him apart in the most painful way imaginable to punish him for insulting Isabella. That would be 'enough'._

"Edward, stop," Carlisle said as the other dogs started moving forward. "Let him go."

I could feel the building tension in the air and I glanced up quickly to see Isabella frowning at me.

"Edward, I'm fine," she said softly, but she wasn't able to hide her pain.

I swallowed my venom and looked back down at Paul's apoplectic face.

"You're lucky I don't kill people anymore, mongrel," I whispered bitterly, tightening my fingers further as his face darkened, his eyes bulging as his body screamed for air. "Because believe me when I say, I would have found killing you immensely satisfying."

I wrenched myself off him and stepped back so I could avoid giving into the overwhelming urge to tear out his larynx and watch him bleed to death. He looked up at me, gasping for air and clutching at his bruised throat, his eyes dark and furious.

"You're fucking insane," he rasped.

"Insult Isabella again and you'll find out just how insane I am," I warned, my whole body tense with unreleased violence. "Now get the hell away from her before I forget why I'm not killing you."

He scrambled to his feet and glared at me, and for a brief, glorious second I actually thought he was going to attack.

"Paul, step back and shut the hell up," Sam said firmly, "and for once I agree with the leech. Don't talk to Bella like that again or I may have to let him kick your ass. And if he doesn't I'm sure as hell Jacob would. He doesn't need you to defend him and insult his ex-girlfriend. What's happens between them is their business, not ours."

The hotheaded idiot opened his mouth as if to argue, but then quickly snapped it shut and stalked away from us without saying another word.

I was bitterly disappointed that I wouldn't get to hurt him further.

I turned and looked at Isabella. She was holding her head high and trying to look unfazed, but I could tell that she wasn't. Her smell was all wrong.

I knew it must be hard for her. A few days ago these people were some of her closest friends and now they were looking at her like she was a piece of garbage.

Because of me.

Because she chose _me_ over Jacob.

"Are you all right?" I asked softly, taking her hand in mine.

"Yep, fine," she said a little too brightly, removing her hand and taking a step backwards. "Go. Look at the dead body. That's why we're here."

Her whole body resonated with tension.

Unfortunately, she was right. That was why we were here. To look at a dead body.

I wondered if she'd ever seen a dead body before she met me.

I doubted it.

And yet, I had absolutely no doubt that she would see many, many more during our time together.

Would she have been better off with Jacob? Bored and unsatisfied, but oblivious to the horror of bloodlust and murder and constant, imminent death?

The thought did nothing to curtail my current irrational anger.

I turned away from her as Carlisle stepped forward and nodded to Sam.

"Sam, thank you for letting us examine the body. I appreciate it."

"Don't know what good it will do," Sam said brusquely. "It's his scent again. There's no question."

"Yes, well," Carlisle said as he moved toward the body, "considering Edward hasn't murdered anyone recently, I have lots of questions. So let's start by seeing what we're dealing with here, shall we?"

Sam nodded curtly and pulled back the sheet, revealing a young man in his early twenties, his glassy stare reflecting the filtered sunlight overhead. His throat was torn open, the dark burgundy of drying blood lining the ragged, grey flesh that used to surround the large blood vessels in his neck.

A sharp memory sliced through my mind as I stared at his face.

_Heavy music. Heaving bodies. Isabella pushing through the crowd. Every male mind that saw her churning with a flurry of sexual desire. He was there. Lusting after her. He reached out for her. I grabbed his wrist and felt his bones grind together under my fingers. "Don't even fucking think about it," I __threatened as he groaned in pain. I let his hand go and moved forward. Then Isabella was pressed against me and all other thoughts ceased to exist._

"Goddammit," I muttered.

"What?" Carlisle's eyes were bright with expectation.

"He was at the night club last night. He tried to molest Isabella. I stopped him."

"By ripping his throat out?" Sam said incredulously.

"Of course not," I spat impatiently, my overwhelming irritation with this entire debacle making my temper sharp and unstable. "I grabbed his arm and warned him off her. That's all. The worst I may have done was fracture his wrist."

Carlisle bent over the body and examined his arms.

"There is some bruising here," he said, indicating the left wrist.

"How convenient," Sam muttered under his breath.

"No, Sam," I seethed, "convenient would be me NOT being accused of murdering innocent people by a group of boys who piss on fire-hydrants. THAT would be convenient. This is absolute bullshit."

"Well what do you expect us to do when your scent is all over him?" Sam asked acidly. "He's clearly a victim of a vampire attack and before your family showed up last night, YOU were the only vampire in the area."

"Obviously not," I said gesturing to the cold, stiff body, "because I didn't kill him! Or the girl! The only things I've killed recently are deer, bears, mountain lions and trees."

"Prove it!" Sam spat as Carlisle stood up and stepped between us.

"All right, let's just stay calm, shall we?" he said with his usual brand of level-headedness. "Sam, what time did you find this body?"

Sam stopped glaring at me long enough to answer, "Around five this morning. Jared found it while he was on patrol."

"Hmmmm...and when was the last time the pack patrolled?"

"Just after one. We do them every four hours."

"You patrolled the same area?"

"Yes. Along our borders to make sure no bloodsuckers have trespassed onto our land."

"And this body wasn't here then?"

"No. Just the girl further north."

"I see," Carlisle said, bending down again and placing his hands on various parts of the body, prodding gently with his fingers and bending limbs.

He ran his fingers over a long dark bruise that ran down the left side of the dead boy's face and neck. He frowned and quickly unbuttoned the corpse's shirt, pulling it open and exposing more bruising on the shoulder and the left side of the torso. The discoloration was so even it looked like the boy had been lying in paint.

Carlisle looked up quickly. "Sam, did any of you move the body after you found it?"

"No. We know not to touch anything. It would compromise the evidence. Obviously you have no problem with that."

"I'm sorry," Carlisle said sincerely, "but I had to examine the livor mortis. It proves that the boy wasn't killed here." He pointed to the long, purple blemish. "See this bruising? It's caused by pooling blood, indicating that whoever killed him didn't drain him completely and he was lying on his side prior to being moved here. It seems he's been dead for quite a few hours."

He looked at the body once more, his palm pressed flat against the dead boy's chest.

I looked into his mind to see what the hell was going on but all I saw was a series of mathematical equations. I knew enough from my medical studies to realize he was trying to calculate time of death.

"Uh...Carlisle?" Alice said, stepping forward.

"Just a minute, Alice," Carlisle said as he stood up and brushed off his pants.

"Well, Sam," he said, "I examined the girl earlier at the morgue, and now, having seen this body, I agree with you that both victims appear to have been killed by a vampire, and judging by the body temperatures and levels of rigor mortis present, I can tell you that they were both killed around the same time – midnight last night."

Sam glanced at me, his eyes hard and unflinching.

"We left him at the club just before midnight. He could have killed them before driving back to town."

"That's true," Carlisle said, "but why would he bother driving their bodies back to Forks and depositing them in the woods? Why not leave the bodies where he allegedly drained them?"

"How the hell should I know how his sick mind works?" Sam sneered at me. "I find a body with his scent on it and I'm gonna think he killed them. In my mind there's no grand vampire plan other than to kill and feed."

Carlisle nodded and beckoned me over. He pointed to my eyes.

"When we feed on human blood," he said patiently, "our eyes turn a vivid red. Even if we then go back to feeding on animals right away, the scarlet color will take a few days to fade. As you can see, Edward's eyes aren't red."

Sam leaned forward and examined my eyes. I resisted rolling them.

"Embry's blood could have affected them," Sam said, crossing his arms over his chest. "It made them green straight after he drank it."

"That's true," Carlisle conceded. "Did you happen to notice what color they were prior to that?"

"I was kind of busy trying to kill him," Sam said with a sneer. "I don't know. They looked dark."

"But not red?"

Sam shrugged.

"If he'd just fed on human blood, they would have been very bright and _very_ red," Carlisle said, making it as clear as possible. "It would have been unmistakable."

Sam glared at me.

"I guess they weren't red," he admitted reluctantly.

"Also," Carlisle continued, "the girl was dumped sometime before one a.m., but judging by the livor and rigor mortis, this body wasn't placed here until after four. As far as I'm aware, Edward has been with Bella since just after midnight, so assuming he went to all the trouble of relocating the girl, someone else had to have deposited the second body."

"Did anyone else see him during that time?" Embry called out, "'Cause excuse me for thinking it, but the girl who's boinking the walking corpse might not be the most reliable witness."

I growled loudly.

"Shut it, Embry," Sam barked. "If Bella says she was with him, then she was. She doesn't change into a different person just because she broke up with Jake."

_You wouldn't say that if you saw her hunting with me this morning, Samuel. I doubt you'd have even recognized her._

"The only time we were separated was when you guys attacked him last night, Sam," Isabella said firmly. "Other than that, he hasn't left my sight. So unless he ducked out while ALL FOUR OF YOU were beating on him, I think it's safe to say he didn't have time to dump the second body."

Sam frowned, and I bristled at the way he looked at her.

"Bella, we had every right to attack him."

"No, Sam, you didn't," she spat angrily, "especially if it turns out he's innocent."

I bristled at her use of that word.

Sam's voice was getting steadily louder.

"He may not have had time to dump the second body himself, but he could have had help," he insisted.

"Oh for God's sake!" I said in exasperation. "Yes, Sam, I asked some dim-witted idiot to help me frame myself for murder. I'm the stupidest vampire on the planet."

"It's sure starting to look that way," Sam snarled as he took a step forward.

_A__ll right, I've had enough of this. They want to believe I'm a killer so much? I'll give them what they want._

I tensed to take a step forward, but Carlisle's hand on my shoulder stopped me in my tracks.

_Edward, please keep your temper. You're not helping by antagonizing him, and you're making it more difficult for me to prove you're innocent._

I shook my head in frustration and raked my fingers painfully across my scalp.

_I'm not innocent. That's the problem. I may not have killed these humans, but part of me looks at the ruined mess of skin and tendons that used to be their necks and wishes it was me who sucked their life-blood from them. That dark, desperate part of me can almost feel the heady euphoria spread throughout my body as I taste the sweet, sticky liquid on my desolate tongue._

My mouth flooded with venom at the thought.

I glanced at Isabella, subconsciously inhaling at the same time. She looked at me, her beautiful face frowning as she saw the need in my eyes. The effect she had on my inner beast was instantaneous.

_Fuck. Tear. Feed._

I swallowed and tore my gaze from hers, turning back to Carlisle who was watching me with concerned eyes.

_No, father, despite my lack of involvement in these crimes, I__'m absolutely not innocent._

"Sam," Carlisle said, dropping his arm from my shoulder, "I understand this issue is contentious, especially considering the pack's role as protectors of your lands and people, but we have to examine the evidence objectively."

Sam glared at me once more before relaxing slightly and stepping back.

"Whatever," he said grudgingly.

"Carlisle," Alice said again, slightly louder as she walked to stand behind him.

"Just a minute," he said, and turned back to Sam. "Sam, despite what you think about our kind in general, and Edward in particular, there are a lot of inconsistencies in the logistics of how these victims were killed and moved here, regardless of Edward's scent being present. His explanation as to how his scent came to be on the victims is certainly plausible."

"Then why isn't there another vamp's scent on them?" Embry chimed in from behind Sam. "It's just his stinking smell."

"Yeah, and if he just grabbed this dude's wrist, why does the guy reek of him?" Jared added. "I could smell his stench from ten feet away."

"I don't know the answer to that," Carlisle admitted.

"I do," Alice said, stepping forward and rolling her eyes dramatically. "As I've been trying to tell you, I'm pretty sure that Stinky McDeadGuy over there is wearing Edward's shirt. It's the one I bought him for his birthday."

Everyone's eyes immediately went to the filthy blue button-down hanging off the body.

"Jesus, Alice," I said as I recognized the slight rip above the pocket, "I think you're right."

I walked over and examined the shirt. The last time I'd worn it was the first night I had touched Isabella while she slept.

That night I'd thrown it into my hamper and hadn't thought about it again. After all, apart from my being an immortal, I was also a man. I don't do laundry.

"Someone's been in the house," I stated, looking at my father and sister.

Quick bolts of panic sparked through their minds before they both sprang into action.

In a flash Alice was on the phone, telling Emmett and Jasper to drop what they were doing and come back to the house.

Carlisle quickly bent over the body and removed the shirt, throwing it away from him as he closely examined the torn throat. He sniffed at it, and then turned to Sam.

"Now that I've removed the shirt, can you identify a scent...any scent...around the wound?"

Sam kneeled down and held his nose close to the body, inhaling deeply. He frowned and sniffed again before standing up and glancing at me briefly.

"No," he said, confusion crossing his face. "I can still smell traces of him, but not on the neck."

Carlisle looked around. "And you didn't find a discernible scent around the body either?"

"No," Sam admitted.

Carlisle exhaled and looked at me with a sense of urgency.

"Sam, apart from the fact that Bella provides him with a fairly strong alibi when this body was placed here, I think we've proven these murders have enough inconsistencies to not be attributed to Edward, wouldn't you say?"

"I suppose," Sam said reluctantly.

"So may I be so bold as to ask for your help in finding the real murderer?"

Sam looked back at the other members of the pack. They didn't look happy.

I opened my mind to their resentful thoughts.

_Fucking vamps. Don't trust any of them._

_I still think it's him. He's a psycho. He almost killed Paul today._

_An alliance with the leeches? I don't fucking think so._

I stepped forward. All four of them snapped their eyes to me.

"Look," I said, trying to work some of my vampire charm. It wasn't easy. I hadn't used it in a while. "There's someone killing innocent humans, and as much as you'd like to believe it's me, it's not. I think it's safe to assume none of us is okay with the body count rising further."

The wolf-boys eyed me suspiciously.

"If we work together we might be able to catch whoever it is before they kill again."

I looked into their minds again. They were wavering regarding a decision, but their overwhelming hatred of our kind was preventing them from trusting us.

"Oh, for God's sake, you guys," Isabella muttered as she strode forward. "Up until recently the sum total of your contribution to society was hanging out at the Gas'n'Sip on a Saturday night and completely failing to get laid. Now you have a job as protectors and you're not even going to man-up and do it because of some stupid hate-pact toward vamps? Get over it!"

"Easier said than done, Bella," Jared said bitterly. "Not all of us find it as easy as you to be leech-lovers."

I resisted the urge to pounce on him and smash him in the face.

As it turned out, Isabella didn't need me to defend her.

"Jesus, Jared," she said incredulously, "how about you pull the self-righteous stick out of your ass for five seconds and think about the greater goddamn good?" She looked around at the sulking boys and glared fiercely. "In case it's escaped your narrow-minded attention, there's a killer somewhere in Forks. Are you going to sit on your asses and watch while people get murdered, or are you going to do something about it? I thought you were wolves now. At the moment, it seems to me like you're the same bunch of pussies I've always known."

She looked over at Sam and held her hand up in apology.

"Sorry, Sam, you weren't included in most of that rant. You're actually quite a cool guy and do get laid. Say hi to Emily for me by the way."

I looked at Isabella, her hands now planted firmly on her hips, her eyes hard and fiery, challenging the wolves to make the right decision.

She was magnificent.

Sam rubbed his eyes and exhaled, finally turning to face Carlisle and me.

"Fine. We're in," he said, shooting a stern glance to the boys behind him who groaned their disapproval.

"But we'll be watching you," he warned, looking directly at me, "so you'd better pray you don't screw up, 'cause if you do, we're gonna be all over you like stink on shit."

Carlisle nodded and smiled, holding out his hand to Sam.

"I would expect nothing less. Thank you, Sam."

Sam looked at Carlisle's hand like it was a deadly viper before composing his face and shaking it briefly, subtly wiping his palm on his shorts when he stepped back.

_Oh, yeah. This alliance is going to be great._

_..._

_.._

After leaving the wolves with instructions to widen their patrol boundaries and let us know if they discovered anything, Carlisle, Isabella and I went directly back to the house. Alice took a detour, heading into town to purchase some food for Isabella whose stomach rumbled noisily against my back the whole way home.

Isabella was quiet when we returned, following behind me silently as I searched for any further evidence of an intruder, while Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle concentrated on making the house more secure.

The first thing I checked was my laundry hamper.

It was empty.

It had been about a week since I'd sent my laundry to be done and so I mentally cataloged which articles of clothing were missing. I tallied up three pairs of jeans, four t-shirts, three button-downs, six pairs of socks, and seven pairs of boxer-briefs.

I surmised that the intruder must have stolen them sometime the night before. Prior to returning after the wolf attack, I had been out of the house since sundown, only returning briefly to pick up my car before following Isabella to Port Angeles.

I looked through the rest of the house carefully, and even though nothing else seemed to be missing, it was hard to track exactly where the intruder had been because of the lack of residual scent.

The theory that Tanya was behind the murders didn't add up in regards to the scent issue. Like most of us, Tanya had a very distinctive scent – pungent and sweet. If I was being absolutely honest, I'd admit that Tanya's scent was one of the most appealing things about her. Of course, it couldn't compare to Isabella's remarkable aroma, but still...

The idea that she could have been in the house...in my room...and not left any scent, was unlikely at best.

The whole thing was completely baffling.

I heard loud banging noises and went to investigate. I discovered Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle working quickly, converting the house into the domestic equivalent of Fort Knox, installing closed-circuit TV cameras and motion sensors around the perimeter of the building, as well as placing a state-of-the-art security system inside the house.

Obviously they were determined that I would have the safest dirty laundry in the whole of the continental U.S.

I dreaded to think where my heavily-scented clothes might end up next, knowing that when they did, it would likely be on another dead body.

That someone was bothering to go to so much effort to make my life hell was astounding. I honestly couldn't think of anyone who would have such a grudge that it would drive them to these lengths. I wondered why, if they were so intent on making me suffer, they didn't just attack me physically, one-on-one.

Perhaps they doubted their ability to take me on by themselves and were counting on the wolves to do the job for them. I would have liked to think that plan had been thwarted with the wolves agreeing to an uneasy alliance, but I knew very well that the slightest provocation would have them all-too-happily targeting me again.

It suddenly occurred to me that the mystery murderer might try to come at me through my loved ones. I was immediately anxious that Isabella would therefore be a target. The rest of my family could take care of themselves, but her?

I vowed to myself that she wouldn't leave my sight until the perpetrator was caught.

That vow was immediately tested when she requested to take a shower. Alone.

"I could accompany you," I said, trying not to let panic creep into my voice.

I couldn't deny that I also found the thought of her naked, wet body pressed against mine staggeringly arousing.

She smiled at me before looking down at her fingers which were fidgeting nervously.

"I just kind of need a few minutes by myself," she said, looking at me apologetically. "Sorry."

I grudgingly acquiesced, even though the thought of not being with her, even for a few minutes, was aggravating.

She needed some space. I could hardly deny her that.

I knew she was still trying to process the nightmarish scenes she had witnessed over the past twenty-four hours, not to mention the concept of supernatural beings such as vampires and werewolves not only existing, but being an intimate part of her world. I didn't blame her for needing some time alone.

That didn't mean I was happy about giving it to her.

I watched resentfully as she closed the bathroom door behind her, cutting me off from her scent and her beautiful face.

I sat on my couch, my fingers tapping impatiently on my thighs as I listened to her actions behind the annoyingly opaque door, already uncomfortably hard.

I heard the thud of her shoes on the tiles, the soft hush of her clothing brushing over her skin as she got undressed...the quiet slump of the discarded clothes hitting the floor...a faint swishing sound...her hair...and a heavy, burdened sigh.

Then there was silence.

I imagined her looking at herself in the mirror, wondering how the hell she came to be naked in her vampire-lover's bathroom.

I closed my eyes and imagined her gazing at her beautiful naked form.

_However you got here, Isabella, I'm grateful. So very, very grateful._

The beast whispered that he'd be more grateful if I was in there with her, bending her over the vanity and taking her from behind as I sank my teeth into her creamy neck.

I was disgusted with myself when my erection hardened even more painfully.

The fantasy dissolved as the roar of the shower started, and new images filled my mind.

I leaned back and sighed as I listened to the soft patter of the shower spray hitting her skin. I imagined the steaming water flowing and dipping over her beautiful body, the streaming rivulets running over the places I wanted my fingers and tongue to be.

She moaned softly as the warm water rolled over her, and I was powerless to stop my hand from stroking the bulge in my jeans.

God, I was insatiable for her. I wanted her. Constantly.

Despite the gravity of the situation with the murders, I could barely concentrate on anything but her. Her scent. Her skin. The incredible lovemaking we shared in the meadow as her slick, soft body moved above mine.

"Oh, for God's sake, stop," a disgusted voice said.

I snapped my eyes open to find Alice standing in front of me, holding an armful of clothes.

I quickly stood up, shoving my hands in my pockets and trying to disguise my arousal.

"Goddammit, Alice, haven't you ever heard of knocking?"

"Well, I'm sorry but I knew Bella was in the shower. I didn't really expect my brother to be indulging in a little second base action with himself considering he hasn't gone near that part of his anatomy in, well...ever. I mean honestly, Edward, you get a crush on a cute girl and all of a sudden it's like I don't know who you are anymore." She sighed dramatically. "Could you keep your hand off it? Please? For the sake of my poor scarred mind?"

She looked at me and desperately tried to resist smiling. Her mouth twitched with the effort.

I glared at her.

"You think you're funny, don't you?" I scowled.

"Nope," she said as she placed the clothes she was holding neatly on the couch, "I KNOW I'm funny, and if you don't then you seriously need to get Carlisle to check you out, because there's something wrong with you."

I shook my head and sat down next to the clean clothes.

"For Bella?" I asked, pointing to them.

"Uh huh," she said, laying out a matching set of underwear and holding up a very expensive-looking white, lacy bra. "I figured she'd like to wear something clean and less...you know...destroyed by over-eager boy-fingers."

_Why is it that my sister can make me feel like I'm actually seventeen instead of a hundred and nine?_

"I'll make sure she gets them," I sighed as I heard the shower shut off.

Alice smiled at me and walked to the door.

"Oh, and I've taken the liberty of ordering you a bed." She turned to face me.

"Alice," I said patiently, "I don't sleep. Why the hell would I need a bed?"

The bathroom door opened and Isabella stepped out wrapped in a towel, her damp hair falling across her shoulders, her translucent skin still wet and glistening.

"Hey, Alice," she said, smiling.

I swallowed loudly.

God I wanted her.

I wanted to lay her down and fuck her until she collapsed with pleasure. I wanted to kiss every sweet inch of her and lick her and press myself against her and be surrounded by her and...

_Okay, now I see why Alice ordered me a bed._

"You can thank me when it arrives," she said smugly as she left the room and closed the door behind her.

I stood up and stared at Isabella. Her scent was fresh and clean and gut-wrenchingly mouth watering. I wanted to run my tongue over her warm, wet flesh.

I swallowed twice in quick succession, trying to clear my mouth of venom so I could speak.

"Do you feel better?" I eventually managed to rasp.

"Much," she said looking at me, unblinking. "Your shower is amazing...and your soap...it...it smells like you...or you smell like it. Either way, now...I smell like you."

I frowned.

"Is that a good thing?"

She blushed and her pupils dilated.

"Definitely."

Her gaze held mine unflinchingly. It was exhilarating. The excited thrumming of her heart did absolutely nothing to distract me from my still-throbbing arousal.

"I'm...ah...I'm a little sore," she said self-consciously.

I looked at her bandaged hands. Carlisle would want to change the damp dressings.

"I'm sure Carlisle has something to help with your wounds. Would you like me to ask him?"

She bit her lip and pushed her fingers through her hair. "No, Edward, I'm not talking about my hands. I mean I'm sore...inside. From you."

I stopped breathing.

I'd hurt her.

Goddammit, after trying so hard to control myself I'd still ended up causing her pain. I was an asshole of the highest order.

I could still see the bruises Jacob had left on her upper arms.

I was no better than he was.

"I'm sorry, Isabella," I said as guilt squirmed inside me. "I have no excuse. I tried not to hurt you. What I've done is unforgivable."

She laughed and I frowned in confusion.

"Edward, lighten up," she said, smiling. "You didn't hurt me by being too rough, for God's sake, it just that..." - I watched in fascination as her skin flushed furiously - "you're...large, and...abnormally hard."

_Oh, God, Isabella, you have NO idea._

"It's a good kind of sore," she finished, looking into my eyes. "It makes what happened between us last night, and this morning, seem more real."

"You didn't think it was real?"

She sighed.

"It's just...everything that's happened over the past few days? It's a lot to process."

"I understand."

"My brain is kind of overloading with all of this new information."

"You're only human."

She took a deep breath.

"And you're a vampire."

"Yes."

"A vamp-pire," she said, enunciating strongly.

"I know."

"That's so surreal."

"You should try living it."

_Please, God, let her live it. With me._

"And technically, you're dead."

"Technically."

"And the sunlight makes you sparkle."

"Unfortunately."

"It doesn't kill you?"

"No."

"Holy water?"

"Makes me wet."

"Garlic?"

"Smells disgusting."

"Stake to the heart?"

"Would put a hole in my shirt and possibly tickle."

"You don't sleep in a coffin?"

"I don't sleep. Period."

"Fascinating."

"If you say so."

"I have so many questions racing through my brain."

"Ask me anything."

She took a deep breath and held it for a moment before releasing it in a heavy sigh.

"Why me?"

I smiled at her complete lack of artifice.

"I mean, you're...well...you're incredible," she said, gesturing to me. "You could literally have any woman on the planet. Why choose a nineteen-year-old waitress from butt-fuck nowhere?"

_She honestly doesn't understand how rare and special she is, does she? That's tragic._

She looked at me expectantly.

I struggled to put into words the sense of destiny I constantly felt in her presence.

"Because you were meant for me," I said simply, unused to having to define my feelings for another being. "Doesn't it feel like I was meant for you?"

She swallowed heavily and nodded. "Absolutely. Being with you is the only thing in my life that feels completely and perfectly right. But it's bizarre. Sometimes it's difficult to see how we're going to make this work."

_She feels it too...the struggle against the natural order of what we are...what we _should be_ to each other. It's not normal for the panther and gazelle to have feelings for one another._

"I'm sure it won't be easy," I said, trying to remain light, "but we'll find a way. We're meant to be together."

_I'm just not sure we're meant to be together as vampire and human._

"It can't be that simple," she breathed.

_Of course it can't._

"It can if we want it to be."

_And I truly want to believe that._

She stopped asking questions and looked at me, her eyes raking over every inch of me.

"My God, you're pretty," she whispered.

"So are you," I replied softly, even though 'pretty' did nothing to encompass her all-consuming beauty.

"Your eyes are so light now," she said in awe. "Golden, with tiny flecks of green."

"They lighten when I hunt," I whispered, unable to stop myself from moving toward her.

"But your pupils...they're big."

"They dilate when I'm aroused."

"They're _really_ big."

"I'm _really_ aroused."

"Oh."

I stopped in front of her, knowing I shouldn't start anything because she was sore.

I needed to give her time to recuperate.

_When she's a vampire she won't need time._

"Your pupils are dilated too," I said, bending down so I could run my nose along her cheek and inhale her scent.

"I think you'll find they're always like that when you're around," she sighed as her hands found mine, the soft pads of her fingers caressing my palms gently.

"Good. I like you aroused."

I pressed my nose into her neck, running it up and down the pulsing skin over her jugular.

_Fuck__, she smells incredible._

Her scent was slaying me, one excruciating breath at a time. I pulled in huge lungfuls of it, reveling in each sharp stab of need.

"Edward," she said with a groan in her voice, her hand trailing up my arms until she was gripping my shoulders, "you really need to stop doing that. We have stuff that needs to get done today."

She was right. Unfortunately.

"We should go downstairs," I said, leaning away from her to clear my mind of her intoxicating smell.

She glanced down at herself briefly.

"I...I'm kind of semi-naked here."

_Not really seeing a problem with that._

"Yes, you are," I said as I swallowed a painful mouthful of venom.

"My clothes are...well...they're gross."

I nodded and swallowed again, trying to ignore the heat from her body.

"Alice brought you some clean clothes, and...ah...a new bra."

Her eyebrows rose slightly.

"Wow. Your sister...um...how did she know I needed a new bra? I mean, I've heard you both mention visions. Does she have visions of...underwear?"

_Oh, right. Haven't actually told her all about my sister's annoying precognitive abilities, have I?_

"Alice's visions allow her to...know things."

She looked at me, frowning.

"Know things? Like...?"

_Okay, this is harder to explain than I'd like._

"When someone decides to do something, she can see how it affects their future."

"Uh huh," she said, still not totally comprehending.

"So," I continued, "when I saw your beautiful breasts covered by your annoying bra this morning, I decided to remove it."

Her eyes widened.

"And...?" she said, her voice rising in pitch as her skin blushed delicious pink.

"And...she had a vision...of what happened next."

"WHAT?" Isabella cried, instinctively crossing her arms over her chest and moving away from me.

"Isabella..." I began, trying to calm her.

_Her breasts are beautiful. Why is she embarrassed?_

"And when you _decided_ to fuck me in the meadow?" she said, obviously mortified, "Did she see a vision of that too?"

"Possibly," I admitted.

"Possibly?"

"Probably."

"Oh, God."

She shuffled from foot to foot, rubbing her face with her hands and exhaling heavily.

"Just when I think I'm starting to get a handle on what the hell is going on with all of this vampire stuff, I learn something new and I'm back to square one again."

"Isabella, it's all right."

"Edward, your sister has _probably_ had pornographic visions of us having sex. How on _earth_ is that all right?"

"You're right, it's not," I said, scrambling to find a way to placate her, "but there's not much we can do about it. It's just one of the pitfalls of having extra abilities. I've seen many glimpses of my family members having sex over the years before I shut out their thoughts."

She scoffed loudly and moved further away from me.

"Oh, well then, I guess that makes it okay!"

_Good one, Cullen. Now she thinks your entire family __is made up of sexual deviants. Please stop talking._

I strode over to her and took her face in my hands, kissing her deeply and pulling her against me.

After a few seconds of shocked stillness she started to kiss me back, her mouth open and hungry. Her hands weaved through my hair, tugging on it roughly as my arms wound around her and my hands found the soft skin of her shoulders and neck. I stroked her and grimaced against the pain of my need as her moans filled my mouth and my mind.

Her mouth tasted amazing.

_Not as amazing as her blood._

Her skin felt incredible.

_I want to feel it between my teeth._

Her body moved against mine and made me want to...

_Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her!_

Venom started streaming behind my teeth and I pulled my mouth from hers.

"Oh, Jesus," I groaned as I leaned my forehead on hers and swallowed, unable to trust my control any longer. She looked at me, panting and confused.

"What...why..." she stammered, "You can't just...that kiss was...God! Are you trying to kill me with your total fucking hotness?"

"I'm sorry," I said, breathing heavily, allowing the beast to have her scent and nothing else. "You were agitated. I don't like it when you're agitated."

"You'd rather I was turned on beyond all belief instead?" she asked breathlessly and I struggled to block out the pendulous throbbing of her heart.

"Obviously."

"Well, good job then," she said as she looked at me with lusty eyes. "Mission accomplished."

My hands were still on her skin, the heat from her warming my cold flesh.

_God, she feels like silk._

My eyes were automatically drawn to the strong thudding of the pulse in her neck. It hypnotized and seduced me, torturous and mesmerizing.

"Edward?" she said, waving her hand in front of me.

"Hmmm?" I answered dragging my eyes to her face.

"My boobs are down here." She gestured to her impressive towel-cleavage.

"Yes, they are," I said, angry with myself for not ogling them sooner.

"You do that a lot," she said as she warily looked up at me.

"What?"

I didn't choose to do it, but my eyes went back to her neck.

"You ogle my throat," she accused with a sharp edge coloring her voice.

I looked in her eyes. They were cautious.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to. Does it bother you when I do that?"

"Sometimes," she said, fiddling with the buttons on my shirt. "Occasionally, when you suck on my neck I wonder if...I sometimes think that you're going to bite me."

Just hearing the words caused a torrent of venom to flood my mouth. I swallowed it down, resisting the memory of her blood on my tongue. My whole body erupted with immediate, gut-wrenching need, my muscles tensing as I braced to battle the beast inside me once again.

I took a step backward.

She looked at me, immediately cautious, watching me struggle with my control. It must have been a scene she recognized very well by now.

"What would happen to me?" she asked carefully. "If you bit me? Would I become like you?"

_God, yes. Become like me, Isabella. Please. It's the only way I can keep you forever._

I swallowed again as images of her as an immortal – heart-stoppingly beautiful and temptingly unbreakable - bombarded my mind.

"Yes," I said, my voice rough with unspoken need. "You'd change...die...and become like me."

"Would it hurt?"

Her eyes were guarded.

_Lie to her. Tell her it's not painful. Tell her it won't feel like she's being incinerated alive. Tell her anything but the truth__, because the truth will ruin this. It will destroy your future with her. Completely._

_Lie._

"Yes, it hurts," I said, barely getting the words through my gritted teeth.

_Idiot! The truth won't walk through the rest of eternity with you! The truth won't fill your inevitably empty days when she's gone! _

"A lot?"

_LIE!_

"Yes."

I mentally screamed a deluge of abuse at myself for my life-ruining honesty.

I rubbed my eyes and sighed.

"It's excruciatingly painful, Isabella, and when the burning stops you wake to an existence of constant pain and unquenchable thirst, and you're burdened with the knowledge that the only thing that will truly soothe the agony is ending someone else's life. If you find you're unable to reconcile yourself with killing humans, then you become a vegetarian like me and live out your days enduring constant and agonizing dissatisfaction."

_Wow. Awesome sales pitch. _

"But you...you _want_ me to be like you, don't you?" she asked, and the confusion of her tone made my dead heart tighten in my chest. "You want to bite me? Change me? Have me go through all that?"

"God, yes," I groaned, feeling like the reasons for my damnation were multiplying exponentially with every word she uttered. "More than anything...that's what I want."

"Why?"

I exhaled heavily and shook my head in disgust.

"Because I'm selfish," I spat. "Because even though I know the excruciating pain you'll go through, I want you with me...always...and changing you is the only way I can have that. And I need it. Desperately."

_Also, when you're changed, I won't want to drain your blood every moment we're together. I'm really looking forward to that. _

I raked my fingers through my hair.

"Obviously I'm an enormous asshole."

She looked at her hands, picking at her fingernails.

"What if I don't want to be like you?" she whispered. "What then?"

The question was quiet...barely audible...and yet the words screamed through my mind like a banshee.

A cold, dark hole ached in my chest.

_That is my greatest fear, Isabella. That's the one thing in my world of death and destruction that chills me to my bones. That you won't want it. That you won't want _meenough_ to want it._

I looked at her in front of me. Warm. Vital. Alive.

I wanted to rob her of all of that. I knew it was heinous and wrong, but I still wanted it with every fiber of my being.

"I would never make you do anything against your will, Isabella," I said, unable to look at her any longer. "I'm grateful to have you in whatever capacity you'll let me...for as long as you let me. I can't ask any more of you than that."

_I want to ask more of you. So much more. But I won't._

I felt her hands on my face, her fingers gently moving over my jaw.

"Edward, I want to be with you...I can't imagine NOT being with you...I just..."

Her hands went to my chest, her palms lying flat against my pectorals.

"As incredible as it was to watch you hunt, I don't know that I could kill things and drink blood to survive. And what about my family? I'd have to watch them grow old and die? I don't know if I could handle that."

_And so I have to endure watching _you_ grow old and die?_ _I'm certain I can't handle that._

I placed my hand over hers, wincing in pain at the thought of living without her, and wondering how in the hell the cold, silent cavity beneath our fingers could hurt so much.

"Isabella, you don't have to explain. If I had the choice between being changed and remaining human, I know which one I'd pick. I didn't get that choice. I understand your reluctance, believe me."

_It kills me, but I understand. _

"I'm not saying never," - _it certainly feels like you are _- "I'm just saying not right now. I need to think about it."

"Of course. You need time."

_I have time, Isabella. Apart from you, that's all I have. And if time is what you need to realize that we belong together, always, then that's what you're going to get, no__ matter how torturous it is to me._

She leaned forward and kissed my hand. It was an achingly intimate gesture.

"I do like the idea of never growing old though," she said, attempting to lighten the mood. "That must be fun, right?"

"It's not everything you think it is," I said dryly. "I still get asked for I.D when I try to buy beer."

She looked up at me in surprise.

"You drink beer?"

"No," I said, trying to smile, "but I'd like to be _able_ to buy it if I ever felt the need to get completely tanked."

_Like now for instance._

She laughed and stroked my face.

"Just how old are you anyway?"

"A hundred and nine, but I tell people I'm ninety-eight. I think I can get away with it."

"Holy shit," she gasped loudly, "you are SUCH a cradle-robber."

"What choice do I have?" I asked defensively. "Most of the girls my own age are dead."

She laughed and traced my jaw.

"You know, you're pretty funny for an old guy," she teased.

I smirked and pulled her against me so she could feel my still-hard erection.

"I may be old, but I have the permanent hard-on of a seventeen-year-old."

She looked down and sighed.

"None of the seventeen-year-olds I knew ever had hard-ons like _that._"

"Isabella," I said seriously, "when you talk about other men's hard-ons, it makes me crazy. And not in a good way. Please desist."

She reached up and clasped her hands behind my head, and my arms naturally wound around her waist.

"It's wrong that I find your jealousy unbelievably hot, isn't it?" she asked as her fingers stroked the back of my neck.

"Yes," I answered, watching her eyes rake over my face. "Just like it was wrong for me to enjoy you being jealous when I spoke about Tanya."

Her eyes flashed with anger.

_Excellent_.

"I don't like to think about you with other women," she said, gripping my hair tightly.

"Then don't," I countered, leaning down to kiss her.

She opened her mouth to me and groaned, but the sound was dwarfed by the sonorous rumbling of her stomach.

I pulled back and looked at her.

"Is that a normal human sound?" I asked, incredulously, "Because it's quite off-putting."

"Yeah, sorry about that," she said sheepishly. "My inner beast is demanding food."

_Finally, something we have in common._

As much as I wanted to shred the towel covering her and plunge my hard teenage self inside her, I knew she hadn't eaten in over fourteen hours, and she must have been starving.

_Feed the human first, __and then have your wicked way with her._

"Well then," I said, feigning confidence, "I'm going to make you food."

"Okay," she said dubiously. "Do you...um...do you know how to do that?"

I considered lying to hide my ignorance. I decided against it.

"No, but I'm sure I can figure it out."

"Do you ever eat human food?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's revolting."

"And you've never cooked it before?"

"No."

"But you think you have what it takes to make breakfast for one of the world's fussiest eaters?"

"Are you talking about yourself?"

"Uhhhh...yeah."

"Then yes."

"Well, this is going to be interesting," she said with a hurtful lack of enthusiasm.

I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Isabella," I said sternly, "I'm over a hundred years old. I have three medical degrees, two law degrees and a certificate in Japanese paper folding. I'm sure I can figure out how to fry some chicken eggs."

"Of course you can," she said soothingly. "I have no doubt they'll be awesome."

She gave me a condescending smile.

_I'll show her._

"Get dressed," I ordered as I opened the door to leave. "Meet me downstairs when you're done and I'll have the best damn breakfast you've ever eaten in your life waiting for you."

"Whatever you say. Go get 'em, Martha," she called after me.

I chuckled as I headed down to the kitchen and started pulling out food and cooking utensils.

I decided to make scrambled eggs. Despite my inexperience, I was pretty sure cracking open some eggs and beating the hell out of them was well within my capabilities.

I'd just started whisking the eggs at full speed when my father's voice called to me, loud and urgent.

"Edward! I need to see you. Now!"

I frowned as I lowered the bowl and whisk, before striding out to the front porch where he, Emmett, Jasper and Alice were gathered, the new front doors they were installing lying forgotten on the ground.

Carlisle looked at me intently. "A courier just delivered this package for you," he said, handing me a large cardboard box.

My siblings were watching me carefully and I immediately knew why Carlisle's voice was urgent.

Even through the thick layers of cardboard, I could smell the blood.

...

...

...

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**Author Notes**

**I**** had some interesting theories about the murderer last chapter. How many of you are on the right track? Not many. Not yet.**

**Head to the Twilighted thread if you want to discuss.**

**Cum join me on twitter. We have lots of filthy fun.**

**Please leave WindowWard some love. It makes him more tolerable.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	10. Mixed Messages

**Chapter Notes**

**Thank you to everyone who continues to read, review and ****recommend**** this saucy tale. ****I**** truly appreciate your amazing support.**

**Irritable_Grizzzly is my beta-Goddess who often beats my with her ****huge editing stick. ****I**** adore her.**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight universe. ****I**** own far too much porn.**

_**Last chapter: After agreeing that the evidence against Edward didn't add up, the vampires and wolves formed an uneasy alliance as they joined forces to try and find the real murderer. The Cullens were in the process of fortifying their house when a special delivery arrived for Edward in the form of a mysterious blood-scented box.**_

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 10 – Mixed Messages**

The smell of drying blood and stale flesh was strong. The scent was familiar, and yet I was still surprised when I tore open the cardboard and saw what was inside.

It was the severed head of a mountain lion, and judging by the bite-sized chunk of flesh missing just below its jaw, it was my mountain lion. The one I had mutilated earlier for daring to threaten Isabella.

The hairs on the back of my neck bristled.

"Well, there's something you don't see every day," Jasper said dryly. "I didn't know we could get home delivery."

"Dude," Emmett said in disgust, "that shit is nasty. But it smells like he would have been kind of tasty a few hours ago, before he was all...you know...decapitated and stuffed in a box."

"He was tasty," I said softly, unable to drag my eyes away from the grisly sight.

"This is your kill?" Carlisle asked as he squinted into the box, trying to examine the jagged flesh of the beast's neck.

"Yes, but when I was finished, the head was still attached."

_Just_.

He looked carefully at the head for several long seconds before looking up at me with alarm in his eyes.

"Edward, judging by the consistency and amount of blood around the wound, this head was removed not long after the kill."

I knew what he was implying. I'd known it since I opened the box and saw the head. I was just fighting against admitting it because the rage I felt boiling inside me was going to cause some severe destruction if I let it loose.

Carlisle tilted the head to get a better look, and something underneath it caught my eye.

_Jesus Christ._

"Emmett," I said, trying to keep my voice even and free from the insane scream of fury that wanted to tear out of my throat, "pick up the head."

"Dude, you're not even using the magic word anymore? That's just rude."

I grit my teeth and tried not to yell at him.

"Just pick up the goddamn head!"

Obviously I wasn't successful.

He glared at me before grabbing the huge skull in his hands and lifting it from the box.

"This is fucking gross," he mumbled as several blobs of clotted blood fell onto the floor between his feet. "Why am I always the one who gets to hold the severed heads?"

"Just lucky I guess," Jasper replied seriously.

I ignored them.

I was busy trying to keep myself under control as I recognized the two blood-soaked scraps of fabric at the bottom of the box.

One was the tattered remnants of the t-shirt I had worn hunting, and the other was Isabella's destroyed bra.

They'd both been left in the woods, in two separate locations, and yet, here they were, delivered to me. In my home.

The message was clear.

"The murderer was there this morning," I rasped, barely able to speak through the waves of venom that were demanding violent retribution. "They want me to know they were watching us."

_Watching me hunt. Watching as I left Isabella unattended while I quenched my bloodlust. Watching her nearly get killed. Watching what happened between us afterward._

_The meadow. Dear God, did they follow us to the meadow? _

Insane jealousy coiled inside me as I imagined someone other than me witnessing Isabella's glorious nakedness. I needed to find whoever it was and destroy them. Slowly. Piece by excruciating piece.

Dozens of disgustingly violent images bombarded my mind, given life and power by the knowledge that Isabella had been in far more danger than I realized this morning, and I'd had no fucking clue.

I wanted to make someone suffer. I needed it.

In my mind I tore a faceless vampire to pieces and smiled as I listened to it scream.

Alice groaned and stepped away from me.

I suddenly felt a wave of calm wash over me as Jasper's hand landed lightly on my shoulder.

"Bro, stop. Please."

I exhaled and mumbled an apology as Carlisle took the box from me and picked out the scraps of fabric. He looked at me questioningly.

"My t-shirt and Isabella's bra," I said simply.

He understood without further explanation.

I felt like an imbecile. How could I not know we were being followed? My levels of cluelessness had reached epic proportions.

I listened carefully and located Isabella's heavy footsteps upstairs.

She could have been taken from me in a second. She could have been dead and I would have no one but myself to blame.

Alice placed her hand on my back and tried to soothe me.

"Edward, you didn't know."

"Do you think that would matter if something had happened to her?" I asked more sharply than I had intended. "This is getting ridiculous, Alice. I want to find this asshole and make him suffer."

"You didn't detect anyone following you?" Alice asked. "You couldn't smell anything? You didn't hear any thoughts?"

I glared at her.

"Okay, okay, I was just asking."

"I think it's safe to assume this person has a talent for evading detection," Carlisle said as he dropped the fabric back into the box. "The extent of his or her talent is unknown, but it's certainly going to make things difficult."

"Have we given up Tanya as a suspect?" Alice asked looking at me.

"I don't think Tanya would do this," I replied. "Can you honestly see her gnawing off a lion's head and bothering to send it to me?"

She shook her head.

"No. Tanya was never really one for getting her hands dirty."

"Whoever's doing it certainly has a flair for the dramatic," Jasper observed as he watched Emmett gently scratch the dead animal behind the ears. "They don't just want to frame you. They want to fuck with you."

I nodded and glared at Emmett who rolled his eyes and stopped fiddling with the head.

"They're playing a game," I said bitterly. "Challenging us to catch them."

_God, please, let me catch them. Then give me twenty-four hours alone with them. I'll show them how fond I am of games._

"We need to find out who sent this package," Carlisle said, examining the consignment note on the box. "There's a signature here which means someone has seen them. Emmett...Jasper - head into town." - Emmett snorted. Carlisle ignored his own pun. "Check out the courier company. Alice, retrace Edward's steps this morning. See if there's anything you can find. This person isn't a ghost. There has to be some trace. Footprints. A strand of hair. Something."

Alice nodded and he turned to look at me.

"Edward..."

"I'm not leaving Isabella," I said firmly as images of me leaving town flickered through his mind.

"You have to consider that you're putting her in danger by remaining here."

"Maybe," I said stubbornly, "but I think that whoever is doing this wants me to suffer, and the easiest way to achieve that is to hurt her. I'm not leaving."

"She wouldn't be unprotected. We're here, and so are the wolves..."

"Dammit, Carlisle, I'm not leaving her with the wolves! They're unstable at best and dangerous at worst! And they obviously resent the hell out of her at the moment because she's chosen to be with me and not Jacob. Absolutely not."

He sighed and shook his head.

"Fine. I can tell I'm wasting my time trying to argue with you. Are you at least going to tell her that you're both being watched?"

"No."

"Edward..."

I raked my hand across my face in frustration.

"Carlisle, she has enough to contend with after learning the 'man' with whom she's been having sexual relations is actually an undead monster who slaughters animals to survive. Add to that a murderer wandering around Forks framing her vampire-lover, and you'll forgive me for thinking that she really doesn't need anything else to worry about right now!"

My voice was sharp and angry, and I immediately felt bad for yelling at my father.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I said, lowering the volume and softening the tone. "I'm frustrated. I shouldn't take it out on you."

Carlisle gave me a small smile and patted my shoulder.

"It's all right, son. I understand. This is a stressful situation. Not just for Bella."

I thought about how Bella would react if she found out someone was watching our lovemaking this morning. Knowing how upset she would be made me physically ill.

I swore quietly under my breath and then soothing calm washed over me.

Obviously Jasper felt he had to work overtime today.

"Dude," Emmett whispered to Jasper, "I thought you said he'd be less grumpy once he got laid."

Jas shrugged.

"I guess I underestimated the extent of his grumpiness."

"Well, to be fair," Alice offered, also whispering, "he's only had 'the sex' a few times in over a century. Maybe he's not doing it right yet. Perhaps we need to draw him a diagram."

My brothers obviously thought this was a fine idea and murmured their approval.

I rolled my eyes and suppressed a smile. Trust my siblings to try and make me feel better by insulting the hell out of me.

"Carlisle," I said seriously, "I'm your favorite, right? Being first-born and all? How much would you care if these three disappeared and were never seen again? Be honest. 'Very little' or 'not at all'?"

Carlisle chuckled and shook his head as Jasper and Emmett groaned at my attempt at humor.

"Wow," Emmett said in shock, "I think sex has actually made him grumpier. How is this possible?"

"Maybe Alice is right," Jasper said with deep sympathy and concern. "He's can't be doing it right. But you'd think he would have learned a thing a two living with us for all these years."

"You'd think," Emmett said, tapping his chin and nodding his head seriously. "I mean, that day he caught Rose and me on the hood of the Jeep he _must_ have seen which parts go where."

"All right, enough of the comedy routine," Carlisle finally broke in.

_Thank God._

"We have a lot to do, and annoying your brother isn't getting it done. Let's get moving."

Emmett held up the mountain lion head and pointed at it.

"What do you want me to do with this bad boy?"

"Give it to me," Carlisle said, holding out the box so Emmett could deposit the head into it. "There are a few more tests I want to run."

My family dispersed, each mind focused on a different part of the aggravating mystery facing us, and I was left alone, once again pondering who the hell would care enough about tormenting me to go to all this trouble.

Once Jasper left and took his calming influence with him, the bubbling anger inside me returned, making my cold insides simmer with vengeful heat.

Isabella and I were being watched.

_Unacceptable._

My blood boiled at the thought.

I knew that Carlisle was scanning the perimeter of the house and putting the finishing touches on the surveillance system, but I wanted to do more. I wanted to find whoever it was. Immediately.

I heard a heavy heartbeat approaching and footsteps on the stairs and I suddenly remembered my primary goal was to keep Isabella safe and oblivious.

And fed.

I quickly cleaned up the blood on the porch and washed my hands, managing to get the whisk in my hands just as Isabella appeared in the kitchen, looking happy but tired.

She smiled at me and I smiled back, but I made a mental note to ensure she took a nap after breakfast. I then made an addendum to that note reminding myself not to touch her inappropriately while she slept because that really didn't allow her to rest, no matter how satisfying we both found it.

"Where is everyone?" she asked, looking around.

"They had things to do." _People to find. Assholes to kill._

_God, I really want to kill that asshole._

I looked down and realized my fingers had dented the stainless steel bowl I was clutching.

I set it down and hoped Isabella wouldn't notice.

"So, how's it going, oh great Cooker-of-Eggs?" she asked lightly as she flopped down onto one of the stools on the opposite side of the kitchen bench.

"Fine," I said as I set a skillet onto the stove and turned on the heat. I had no idea how high to set the temperature, so I erred on the side of caution, putting it on the lowest setting.

Isabella cleared her throat. I looked up at her.

"Are you planning on serving those eggs to me anytime today?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "Because you might want to give that pan a bit more gas."

I turned up the gas halfway and gestured for her approval.

She shrugged.

I turned it up a little more.

She nodded.

I went back to beating the eggs with more force than was absolutely necessary.

Isabella watched me with a skeptical air.

It was aggravating and arousing at the same time.

"So," she said, leaning over the counter and looking into the bowl, "what have you got in there?"

I stopped whisking.

Was this a trick question?

"Eggs."

"And?"

"And...more eggs."

"How many eggs did you use?"

I looked at the empty carton.

"All of them."

"And you're cooking breakfast just for me?"

"No, actually, I thought I'd join you."

She screwed up her face.

"Really?"

"No, not really. Human food is revolting. Of course I'm cooking just for you. Do you see any other humans in the house?"

She bit her lip and I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

I sighed and glared at her.

I wasn't used to humans laughing at me. Certainly not humans who I wanted to spend obscene amounts of time with. Naked. I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

"I didn't know how many you'd eat so I just decided to cook them all," I said defensively. "Your stomach was growling very loudly. I didn't want to anger it further."

She smirked and said, "Okay, no need to get uptight. Although you are sexy as hell when you're grumpy. "

"I'm glad you think so," I mumbled, remembering my siblings' comments.

"Oh, I do," she assured me with a smirk.

"Isabella, let me ask you something."

"Sure."

"What I do...with you...when we...?"

She frowned and urged me on. "Okay, I'm going to need a little more information if you actually want a response."

_I can't believe I'm asking this. Damn my brothers._

"When I...make love to you...am I...? Jesus, am I doing it right?"

Her jaw dropped.

"Are you kidding me with this question?"

"No. I'm genuinely interested. I haven't had that much experience with women...certainly not human women...and I need to know...do I please you? Sufficiently?"

She looked at me incredulously.

"Sufficiently? _Sufficiently?_ Holy Jesus, Edward, have you not heard me screaming your name? Have you not witnessed me cumming violently?"

"Yes, but..."

"No! No 'buts'. What you do to me? It's unbelievable, Edward. I've never...God, no one has ever...EVER made me feel the things you do. Do you understand? EV-ER."

I needed to clarify her statement because despite her emphatic intonation, the wording of it could be taken either way.

"So, when you say 'unbelievable', what you mean is 'unbelievably good'?"

"Yes."

"'Unbelievably pleasurable'?"

"Yes."

"'Unbelievably erotic'?"

"_Yes_, Edward."

Her voice was getting huskier and more lustful with every passing second.

"I see."

"Do you?"

"I think so."

"I don't think you do."

"Would you like me to give you a demonstration of my comprehension? Because I'm fairly certain I could have you completely naked and be inside you in about three seconds. Maybe less."

She looked at me intensely as her pupils dilated and her heart rate sped up.

"God, Edward," she groaned as her eyes glazed over, "You have NO IDEA how much I want you right now. You stand there looking so goddamn gorgeous and edible and...fuckable..." - _she really needs to stops talking like that or I'm going to completely ignore the 'but' that I know is coming_ - "but" - _there it is_ - "I think I'm going to need a little recovery time, because just _thinking_ about having you inside me at the moment? Well...it hurts."

_Isabella, for me, thinking about not being inside you hurts._

I set down the bowl and gripped the edge of the bench.

"Isabella, I think you'll find that you standing there, looking at me with those eyes and that unbelievable body and smelling like you do is the very definition of the words 'edible' and 'fuckable'."

_Of course 'edible' means something completely different to me than it does to you._

She groaned and shifted uncomfortably on her stool.

The whisk in my hand crumpled as my fingers clenched in lieu of vaulting over the bench and tearing off all of her clothes.

My eyes automatically roamed over her tight t-shirt, taking in the sumptuous curve of her breasts.

"God...stop," she moaned breathlessly as her eyes roamed over my body. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me? You're evil."

"No," I said dragging my eyes back to her face, "evil would be giving in to all the perverted urges I'm currently feeling, regardless of your sexual discomfort. I'm actually being the vampire equivalent of a saint."

"A saint who really wants to fuck me?"

"Yes."

"And whom I really want to fuck in return."

"I'm not stopping you."

"No, but my fragile human body is."

_Let me change you, then that won't be an issue anymore._

Her stomach rumbled loudly and she grimaced self-consciously.

"Plus I really need to eat something."

I almost groaned as an image of her mouth closing around my erection flashed into my mind, then I immediately felt guilty because

I realized that I had become one of those men who could take the most innocuous comment and make it lewd. I was officially obsessed with sex.

_No, not sex itself. Her. _

_I was obsessed with her._

_Sex with her._

I willed the throb in my groin away, but I couldn't stop looking at her. Her face was so beautiful. Every curve of skin was endlessly fascinating to me. Every inch of pink flesh was so...

"Edward?"

"Yes."

_Her lips. I want to suck on her lips._

"The eggs?"

"What about them?"

_The slope of her neck. Her seductive pulse._

"You need to cook the eggs so I can eat them."

"Uh huh."

_My tongue tasting her mouth. Her skin pulsing with blood._

"I'm extremely hungry."

"Me too."

The burn in my groin and stomach was intensifying and venom was pooling behind my teeth.

I swallowed it and watched as she stood up and walked around to my side of the counter, smiling at me as I hungrily watched her every move. Her scent got stronger as she got closer. I could feel her body heat as she stopped in front of me and placed a hand on my chest.

I wanted to bring her hand to my face and gently slice it open with my teeth.

I wanted to suck on her bloody palm while she ripped open my shirt and ran her warm tongue all over my chest.

"Would you like me to do it?" she asked with a tilt of her head.

"God, yes."

"The eggs, Edward," she laughed as her stomach growled again. "Would you like me to cook the eggs?"

_For God's sake, Cullen, stop being a sexually-obsessed freak and cook the woman some food. She's starving._

"I can do it," I said, exhaling heavily and dragging my mind back to the task at hand. I unclenched my fists and put the ruined whisk down on the counter.

She looked at the twisted metal and frowned.

"Edward, it might be easier if I did it."

"It's fine, Isabella," I assured her as I turned to face the stove. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not well-acquainted with things being 'easy'."

We both looked at the skillet which was smoking alarmingly.

"The pan's a little too hot now," she said, breathing heavily and stepping away from me. "You might want to let it cool down for a minute."

I pulled the pan off the gas and turned back to her.

"How long do I need to wait?" I asked, swallowing again.

_No waiting. Three seconds. Her naked. Me inside her._

"Just a few minutes," she panted as her eyes raked over my face, her mouth open and wet and inviting. "Or you could rinse it with some cold water."

_Isabella in the shower. Water streaming over her hot skin. My mouth on her neck. My teeth teasing the skin, drawing a few beads of precious blood. _

I grabbed the pan and ran it under the cold water tap. It hissed and steamed explosively.

My venom was becoming unbearable. The need for her blood was beginning to rival the need for her body.

What was the old saying? If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen?

I was very close to having to leave.

I paused and dropped my head, bringing myself under control, locking

the beast away. It was something I'd need to get used to doing in order to be with her. No matter how painfully it screamed for her blood, I had to deny it.

I felt her eyes on me and I turned to look at her.

_Can she tell when __I'm__ on the verge of losing control? Does she know how often she's in danger of the monster just taking what it wants?_

She exhaled suddenly, as though she had suddenly remembered that she needed to breathe.

"So, you've really never cooked before?" she asked, obviously trying to diffuse the tension between us. I dragged my eyes away from her while I dried off the pan and placed it back on the heat, trying not to look at her so I could concentrate on something other than the seductive call of her blood and body.

"No. I've never needed to."

"What about when you were human?"

Her question caught me off-guard. I glanced at her. She was still flushed but her eyes were genuinely curious.

"My parents were wealthy. We had a cook."

"And you were never interested in learning?"

"No. It wasn't something men did. Although I was hardly a man before I was changed. I was still a boy."

_I wasn't a man until I met you, Isabella._

"Do you remember how human food tasted?"

I thought about it. The memories of my human life were fuzzy, like I was looking through a window obscured by fog.

"Not really. I remember textures more than flavors. I think I used to enjoy apples. They were crisp. I enjoyed the feeling of them between my teeth."

_Now I enjoy a completely different texture between my teeth. _

"My parents took me to an orchard once. It's the last happy memory I have of them. I ate until my stomach was bloated."

She smiled at me.

"How old were you?"

"Sixteen. I protested because even back then, spending a day with one's parents was hell for a teenage boy. I pretended to be surly all day, even though I was secretly having a good time, and the apples...I remember crunching on them loudly."

"Do you miss it? The different flavors? The textures? Doesn't it ever get boring just drinking blood all the time?"

There certainly was a dull monotony to my immortal eating habits, but I thought about the rush of warmth and power that I felt when I fed.

"I wouldn't describe it as boring, because even with the most insipid herbivores, I can still glean a certain amount of pleasure from it, but...it's certainly predictable."

_Except for your blood. Your blood is mind-blowing. I could drink your blood forever and never get bored._

_And the wolf-blood was anything but predictable. That was an incredibly unexpected turn of events. I still need to have a discussion with Carlisle about that._

The pan seemed to be an appropriate temperature, so I grabbed the dented metal bowl and prepared to pour the egg batter into the skillet.

Isabella made a disapproving noise.

I froze and looked up at her.

"What?"

"What about salt?"

"What about it?"

"You you have any?"

I frowned at her.

"Isabella, having extensively studied the human physiology and chronic diseases and disorders associated with it, I know enough to inform you that excess sodium in your diet can lead to a myriad of health problems including hypertension, edema and gastric ulcers."

She frowned back at me. I found it incredibly arousing.

"I'm not asking for 'excess sodium', Edward. I just want a little salt for flavor."

I leaned on the counter and shook my head.

"Isabella, if you're not going to agree to let me change you, then you have to start taking care of your body because I need you to live for as long as possible, and that's just not going to happen if you eat the wrong things."

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, "So you have a problem using a little salt but NO problem letting me eat twelve eggs that contain enough cholesterol to kill a small elephant?"

I glared at her. She tilted her head and gave me a smug smile.

"Well, when you put it like that, I suppose you have a point."

"Score another win for the bossy human."

She really needed to stop being so goddamned infuriating or I was going to shred her clothing, bend her over the sink, and fuck her roughly.

_Jesus_.

_Stop. Human food. Now._

I put down the bowl and stalked into the pantry, scanning the contents until I found a container of white granules.

I brought it out and put it on the counter.

She watched me carefully.

I had no idea how much to add for 'flavor'.

I pulled off the lid and grabbed a handful.

She giggled loudly.

I sighed heavily, dropped the salt into the sink, and dusted off my hands.

"Right, that's it, I'm done. Do it yourself."

She laughed and moved behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist while I washed my hands.

_God, when she touches me..._

"Aw, come on," she said with fake encouragement, "you were doing so well."

"Stop lying, Isabella," I ordered as I turned to face her. "You're extremely bad at it. I'm a terrible cook."

"Okay," she admitted with a smile as I wrapped my arms around her and tried to ignore her body heat searing into me, "you suck. Hard. But I guess you're used to that, right?"

My arms tightened around her, pulling her rouchly against my body, and an involuntary growl rumbled in my chest.

Despite the humor in her words, the images that were conjured up by the word 'suck' were arousing on so many levels I had to fight to remain still.

One part of me – the desperate, sexually-frustrated part – wanted to tear off her jeans and remind her just how adept at sucking I was.

The beast, on the other hand was eyeing her neck again, fantasizing about having our mouth clamped over it as her warm blood pulsed down our throat – sweet and warm and infinitely satisfying.

My growl got louder.

She tried to step away from me. I stopped her.

"It's all right," I whispered, allowing myself the luxury of running my nose over her skin because I knew I had the beast under control. "I'll try to keep my sucking to a minimum...for now."

She gasped as my tongue ran the length of her neck.

She tasted incredible.

"I don't know if you withholding your sucking is a good thing or a bad thing," she panted as I stepped back and gestured for her to continue with the egg-making.

_Both, Isabella. Definitely both._

I removed myself from her, taking her place on the stool on the opposite side of the bench to allow myself to watch her without acting on my impulses.

After looking at me with dark eyes and exhaling a long breath, she started moving around my never-before-used kitchen and newly-replaced granite work-tops with quiet confidence.

Seeing her there - in my kitchen, in my house - was so right and natural that it boggled my mind. She was where I wanted her to be. Where she belonged. And yet the insistent longing inside me still wasn't satisfied.

It wanted more. It wanted her forever, and right now she couldn't give me that.

I didn't blame her or resent her. I understood. But that didn't stop me from wanting. Everything and always.

Simply keeping myself still and away from her made me ache with want. When she moved to the other side of the kitchen to throw something in the trash, the ache worsened, and when she stood beside me once more, close enough for me to touch if I reached out my hand, it was more bearable.

_Does she feel it too?_

_It's like we're connected with a giant elastic cable. The further apart we __are, the stronger the pull. _

It was draining and exhilarating and wrong and right all at the same time.

_Is this what having a mate feels like? Or am I simply infatuated with her? Her mysterious, silent mind? Her beautiful, warm body?_

I needed to ask Carlisle. I needed some answers about this all-consuming connection we shared.

I watched her every move as she worked quickly, adding a few pinches of salt to the beaten eggs before finding some butter in the fridge and melting it into the pan.

She poured in the batter and I watched in fascination as she ran a wooden spoon around the pan in gentle patterns, each pass lifting a thin film of cooked egg. I watched her face as she concentrated. It was flushed, and her tongue darted out every few seconds to wet her lips. It was quite hypnotic and unbelievably sensual.

Her heartbeat continued to beat faster than normal, and I hoped it was because she could feel my eyes on her.

"So," she said with a sigh, finishing up the eggs and scraping them into a huge pile on a plate, "if you've never cooked before, why do you have a kitchen full of stuff you've never used? I mean, you have more appliances than I do, and I cook all the time."

She placed the skillet in the sink and grabbed a fork out of the drawer before sitting beside me on a stool.

Her body heat was both soothing and torturous, and I wondered if having this incredible human in my life would always inspire such powerful paradoxes.

I shrugged.

"Esme always insists our houses have the illusion of humanity, even if we're lacking the reality of it."

She raised her eyes to mine and said, "Esme?" before scooping some egg into her mouth.

"My mother."

She coughed and swallowed.

"I'm sorry," she said, embarrassed, "I always get very confused when you talk about members of your vampire family like that."

"Like what?"

"So matter-of-factly."

"Why?"

"Because it seems so...normal."

"It's normal to me."

"Yes, but when you talk about your 'mother', I have images of a very pretty, pale woman screaming with labor pains, and there's a doctor between her legs and suddenly he cries out, 'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby vampire!' and she's all, 'Aw, he's beautiful', and you're all tiny and chubby, but with a full head of sex-hair, and then he lays you on her chest and she tries to breastfeed and you bite off her nipple."

She stopped talking abruptly and clapped her hand over her mouth.

She looked at me with horrified eyes.

"Oh, God, please forget I just said that."

I stared at her for several seconds as I tried to digest her words.

"I...uh...sex-hair? And I...Jesus, I bite off her nipple?"

She groaned and dropped her head into her hands.

"Please just pretend I didn't just say that," she whined. "Please, please, please."

I burst out laughing. It was a decidedly unusual thing for me to do. My laugh felt strange and unused, and yet, she seemed to be making me use it more and more the longer I knew her.

She blushed furiously and looked down, pushing her eggs around the plate with her fork.

"It's stupid, I know," she mumbled.

"No, Isabella," I said, smiling and taking her hand. "It's wonderful. Your brain is a very strange, infuriatingly impenetrable place, and I adore it. It's no wonder we're so well-suited."

She looked up at me and shoved a forkful of egg into her mouth.

"You adore it?" she said, smiling through a soggy mouthful. "Really?"

"I do," I said warmly. "Your eating habits, on the other hand, are absolutely hideous."

She laughed and shoveled more egg into her mouth, chewing loudly.

"So disgusting," I murmured affectionately as I reached over and ran my fingers down her cheek.

Twenty minutes later the human was full and her plate was empty.

"Oh, God," she groaned as she burped softly, "I don't think the human body is supposed to ingest that many eggs in one sitting. I think my stomach is going to explode, right after all my arteries close up."

I had a visceral reaction to her talking about her arteries and I swallowed the accompanying venom.

I took her plate from her and quickly washed and dried the dirty dishes, not bothering to move at my regular human pace. She knew what I was and she seemed to accept it. I found that not having to hide my true nature was immensely freeing.

She watched me with wide eyes, her head whipping around as I moved around the kitchen.

"God, you're so fast."

"We all are. Speed is one of the benefits of the change."

"How fast are you?"

"I don't know. I've never really tested it."

"I wonder if I could steal Charlie's radar-gun from the station. It would be cool to see how fast you can go."

"I'm only fast when I want to be," I replied as I finished cleaning and turned to face her. I slowed my pace and walked over to her. "I can also be extremely slow."

"I remember," she said softly.

No longer able to stop myself, I reached out and cupped her head in my hands, stepping between her parted legs as I leaned down to kiss her.

Her lips were impossibly soft, and I groaned quietly as I felt her tongue gently touch mine.

We kissed for several minutes, our mouths and hands hungry for each other. The lingering taste of egg in her mouth was strangely appealing, and I wondered if I had more memory of taste than I thought.

I pulled away from her and ran my fingers through her hair. I knew she must be tired and my suspicions were confirmed when she stifled a yawn.

"Good to see my kissing prowess is so stimulating," I teased as she dropped her forehead onto my chest.

"I'm sorry," she said, yawning openly as I wrapped my arms around her, "I guess the past few days are starting to catch up with me. We can't all have tireless vampire metabolisms, you know."

_Yes we can, actually. Ask me how._

"I understand. You need to rest."

"Okay."

I scooped her into my arms. She wrapped her hands around my neck and snuggled into my chest, inhaling deeply before sighing and closing her eyes. I headed upstairs to my bedless bedroom and hesitated about putting her on the couch; not because I didn't think she could comfortably sleep there, but because I didn't really want to let her go.

I looked at her curled up against me. The emotions that washed through me were alien, and unexpected, and made my arms tighten around her.

"Stay with me," she mumbled against my chest. "Just until I fall asleep. Please."

I sat down and swung my legs onto the couch. She stretched out on top of me, one hand winding around my neck while the other one pressed into my chest, her cheek resting over the space where my heart was dormant, but full.

I stroked her back gently and listened to her heart slow as her breathing became more even. I counted her breaths and inhaled every time she exhaled, drawing her air into me. It made me burn but I couldn't help myself.

Twenty-seven breaths later, she fell asleep.

...

Staying with Isabella while she slept was both heaven and hell.

I should have removed myself from beneath her and left her to rest, but the way she was curled into me...the way her hand gripped my shirt, and her warm air surrounded me...I couldn't leave. I didn't want to. Instead I laid my head against hers and systematically swallowed my venom, continuing to count her breaths until I eventually had to stop inhaling because the burn was too severe.

Two hundred and seventy-two breaths later there was a gentle knock at the door and Carlisle stepped inside.

He took a moment to take in the sight before him – his vampire-son frowning in pain as the agony of having his human singer wrapped around him tortured and exhilarated him.

He couldn't stop himself from smiling.

I rolled my eyes.

_You two look good together_, he thought warmly. _Although I don't know how you can have her so close and constantly resist her blood. I've never heard of one of our kind resisting the call of their singer, let alone having them on top of you. Even to me she smells...tantalizing. I can't imagine how incredible her scent is to you. You really have remarkable control, son._

I swallowed another mouthful of acid and sighed, knowing how often I've been on the verge of giving the beast exactly what he wanted and feeling wholly unremarkable because of it.

"I thought it would get easier," I whispered, using the minimum amount of air to speak, "but it's not, Carlisle. It's been months since I first caught her scent, and it ruins me just as much today as it did back then. It's ridiculous. I want to drain her. Constantly. I want it so much my veins ache for it."

_Then what stops you?_ He raised his eyebrows.

I looked down at Isabella in my arms, so fiery and perfect and trusting. She was everything I'd been missing all these years. She gave my existence purpose, and as much as her scent and blood tortured me, I was fairly certain I was addicted to the agonizing burn.

Carlisle stepped closer and tilted his head as he studied us.

_Why are you able to resist the call of her blood when so many others...many of them older and more experienced than you...have been unable to control themselves when confronted with the blood that is made just for them?_

I pondered the question, searching for a truthful answer, trying to define the strange thrall in which Isabella held me.

When the answer came, it was simple and profound.

"Because if I did it...if I lost control and took what I've craved since the moment I first encountered her...I wouldn't just be killing her. I'd be killing myself too."

I felt a sharp flash of pain pass through Carlisle's mind.

_Edward...you can't...don't ever say that._

"It's true," I said, looking directly at him. "If I lost her, Carlisle...after having had her...experiencing how different I am with her...how...happy I am...I wouldn't want to stay in this world without her. I couldn't. The mere thought of it makes my chest feel like it's going to crack open and split my whole body apart."

His eyes ran over her prone form, my arms wrapped protectively around her, her head on my chest.

_Have you broached the subject of changing her?_

A dull ache echoed inside me.

"Yes. She doesn't seem wholly enthusiastic about the idea."

My father's face mirrored the pain I felt at the possibility that, despite having finally found someone with whom I desperately wanted to share forever, I could still lose her to her mortality.

_Perhaps she'll change her mind._

_I doubt__ it._

"Perhaps."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then I'll take whatever time I have with her and be grateful."

Carlisle was silent for a moment, and he got the same look on his face that he always got when he was particularly sad, but wanted to hide it. I'd seen that look more than I would have liked to.

"Well, son," he sighed finally, "I didn't think it was possible for your singer to also be your mate, but it seems like that's the case, if that's how you feel about her."

I smoothed some wayward hair away from her forehead and felt, rather than saw, Carlisle smile.

"I'm not sure what my feelings are for her, but I know they're powerful. And apart from my agonizing compulsion to tear her throat out and drink her blood, I also have an alarmingly strong desire to have sex with her. Constantly. It's extremely frustrating."

Carlisle chuckled and looked at me with affection.

"That's part of being mates, Edward. The insatiable physical attraction is normal, but I've never heard of a vampire recognizing a human mate before, and considering the delicate nature of Bella's body and the impervious state of yours, you'll have to be careful to temper your...interactions."

"I've been trying to. Believe me. It's unbelievably difficult.

He shook his head in wonder.

"Once again, I'm astounded that you have the control to have a sexual relationship with her without giving into the overwhelming instinct to bite. It's so ingrained in our nature. Even with Esme, I sometimes can't help myself."

I cringed.

"Carlisle, please don't talk about your sexual exploits with Esme. It makes me highly uncomfortable."

He chuckled and I quickly had to withdraw from his mind as a myriad of pornographic images involving my adoptive mother consumed his memory.

"Edward, don't begrudge me having an active and satisfying sex life. Your mother is a damn attractive woman, and I am a man, after all."

I couldn't help but chuckle.

Isabella stirred slightly and pressed her nose into my neck before sighing heavily and settling again.

The feel of her breath on my throat and her hand on my chest was driving me insane with lust – for both her blood and her body.

I could deal with the savage burn in my stomach and throat when the beast roared for blood. It was something I had gotten used to over the years. I was less used to the insistent ache in my groin that was demanding some kind of release. I was hard to the point of feeling actual physical pain.

_How do men stand this? _I marveled to myself.

"Please tell me the uncontrollable need for sex abates after a while," I begged my father with desperate eyes, as Isabella squirmed and rubbed her thigh provocatively across my erection.

He smirked and shrugged.

"Do you want the truth?"

I knew the truth. It didn't help my erection.

"Obviously not."

"Then yes, son, soon you'll find her physically repugnant and will never have to endure erectile discomfort in her presence again."

"Wow," I said in disbelief, "I thought Isabella was the world's worst liar, but it turns out it's you."

He chuckled again and said, "Just trying to keep it real, son."

I gently eased myself out from under Isabella and stood up before covering her with a soft blanket that had miraculously appeared in my room.

_Thank you, Alice._

I took one final pull of her scent into my lungs before moving away. I couldn't take her proximity and the temptation it posed any longer. I knew the parameters of my control and I had entered the red zone a while ago.

"Come downstairs," Carlisle said softly. "I have something I want to show you."

We walked down the stairs together and I followed him into the basement where he had set up what I liked to refer to as his 'mad scientist lab'. It was his habit to take his chemicals and testing equipment wherever he went. It was a passion of his and one which my brothers and sisters enjoyed ribbing him about.

I, of course, would never stoop to anything so low and immature.

"I hope you let Igor out of his cage," I deadpanned. "You know how he much he hates to be deprived of cleaning a brand-spanking new lab."

He ignored me, but I saw him smirk.

The basement wasn't a regular basement. It was light and bright and looked more like a state-of-the-art research facility than somewhere a regular family would store Christmas decorations and unloved family photos.

Carlisle had set up a long lab table with a plethora of test-tubes and diagnostic equipment. Part of me wondered how he got it all here from Alaska. Surely it didn't all fit in his car.

"So," he said gesturing to a large microscope he had set up on the table, "I swabbed the mountain lion's neck for venom and found two distinct strains. One, of course, is yours, but the other is unfamiliar to me. I assume it belongs to the murderer. It does have some rather interesting cellular anomalies which could be one of the reasons he or she doesn't leave a scent."

He reached over the table, picked up something, and placed it on his palm for me to see.

"I also found this in the animal's mouth. Does it belong to Bella?"

I studied the small, sparking object in his hand.

It was a woman's earring. Diamond and platinum.

"Isabella doesn't wear earrings," I said quietly as recognition of the jewelry rocketed through my brain.

I'd seen it before. Many times.

"It's Tanya's."

Carlisle looked at me sharply.

"Are you sure?"

I rubbed my eyes and sighed.

"Yes. I bought them for her."

She thought they were a declaration of love when, in fact, they'd been an apology. She'd completely misunderstood and was extremely grateful. She molested me for hours in gratitude. They were the last present I ever gave her.

"Edward, this proves that Tanya's involved."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"It still doesn't feel like something she'd do, Carlisle."

As much as I didn't want to believe Tanya was responsible for the murders, I couldn't ignore the evidence. How else could her earring be here? Did she put it in the beast's mouth on purpose? So I'd realize it was her? That didn't make any sense.

But if she was here, why couldn't I hear her mind? Why couldn't I smell her?

What the hell was she playing at?

Just then, Carlisle's phone rang. I listened as he had a quick discussion with Jasper.

I gathered from what they were saying and the thoughts running through Carlisle's head that they hadn't found out anything about who had sent the package. The courier-company clerk couldn't seem to recall what the person looked like.

How convenient.

Either he was lying because he was scared, or the murder's talent for evasion was more powerful than we thought. Either way, it didn't provide any confirmation or denial about whether Tanya was actually involved. Carlisle told Jas about the earring and gave them further instructions as I stalked upstairs and tried to come up with some answers.

A short time later, Alice arrived back at the house, frowning and disgruntled.

"Well," she said as she flopped down into the couch, "I think whoever followed you was up in the trees. I found what looked like finger marks in several branches, but who the hell knows. There was no scent. Zero. But I did find these."

She held up a few strands of blond hair. It was impossible to tell if they belonged to Tanya, but the color seemed wrong to me. Too yellow.

"Maybe Carlisle can run tests?"

"Maybe," I mumbled, knowing he couldn't send the hair away for DNA testing because the results would alert the world to the presence of a new species.

I stood in front of her and watched as she dusted off some pine needles from her pants.

"Could you tell if they followed us to the meadow?"

The simmering anger inside me returned, just looking for an excuse to boil over and explode.

"No. I had a good look around but really, the perimeter of the meadow is huge. I could have looked all day and found nothing. I would have to check every single tree and even then they may not have left evidence."

I nodded and sat next to her.

"I guess you know what Carlisle found."

She sighed and leaned back, turning her head to me.

"Yes."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What's your opinion? You know Tanya, probably better than I do."

"I wouldn't say that."

"Alice..."

"Okay," she sighed and closed her eyes. "I've been trying to 'see' Tanya since her name was brought up earlier, and I can't."

I frowned.

"Is it the wolves? Are they still interfering with your visions."

She opened her eyes and looked at me.

"Maybe."

The vagueness of her answers was really starting to piss me off.

"Alice, what the hell does that mean?"

She stood up and put her hands on her hips, her eyes dark and frustrated.

"It means that I don't know, Edward. I've been having trouble with my visions because of the proximity of the wolves, but it seems that I can see other members of the Denali clan just fine. Irina, Kate, even Carmen and Eleazar, but not Tanya."

Carlisle walked into the room and joined us, taking the strands of hair from Alice and placing them in a Petri dish. Obviously he'd overheard our conversation and was just as perplexed as we were.

"Have you ever had trouble focusing on someone before? Even from a distance?"

Alice rubbed her eyes.

"Sometimes. I mean, my visions aren't like tuning a television. Sometime they come to me when I want them, and sometimes not. Still, I think it's strange that I can't see Tanya at all. Not even a glimpse."

"Carlisle, after we're changed, can we develop further powers?" I asked, voicing a theory that had been roaming around in my brain. "Could Tanya have developed a power to mask her scent? Block Alice and myself from her mind?"

Carlisle rubbed the back of his neck and frowned in concentration.

"I've heard of our kind developing latent abilities years after they're changed, but really, Tanya's been around for a long time. Over a thousand years. Surely she would have manifested something long before now."

"But it's possible?"

He looked at me and shrugged.

"Anything's possible, Edward. Just look at you and Bella. I'm fairly certain that a vampire mating with his singer is a new one for the vampiric record books."

On hearing her name, I immediately concentrated on trying to hear her steady breathing upstairs.

I could. Just.

It made me smile.

"So, what do we do now?" Alice asked huffily, and I could feel her frustration. "Do we have any other leads to follow?"

"I have Jasper and Emmett checking hotels in both Port Angeles and Seattle," Carlisle said, looking at me. "They'll also check Forks but I think that's less likely."

Without reading his thoughts, I knew his meaning. If Tanya was involved, she wasn't the type to 'rough it'. She would make sure she was in a well-accommodated hotel with all the amenities. If she was in the area Emmett and Jas would find out where she was staying. Tanya had the kind of staggering beauty that human's noticed. And talked about.

"In the meantime, the wolves are patrolling the outskirts of Forks and we'll patrol the rest. We may need to ask Esme and Rose to join us to bolster our numbers."

Alice nodded.

"Esme has pretty much decided that's happening anyway. She doesn't like us being split up like this. Plus she wants to see if Edward has fixed the kitchen to her satisfaction."

A shudder of fear ran through me. I loved my mother, but she really did scare the hell out of me. Plus, I hadn't told her that I'd also destroyed her Austrian crystal chandelier. That was a conversation I wasn't looking forward to.

"Edward," Carlisle said as he pulled on a jacket, "Alice and I will do a quick patrol and then hunt. When we get back you can go out and get something to eat. Your eyes are looking a little dark considering you only hunted this morning."

I nodded. I was feeling hungry, although that was nothing new since meeting Isabella.

I hoped they found something. Or someone.

Alice left to start the patrol while Carlisle quickly showed me how to use the security system, including the collection of closed-circuit surveillance screens that were housed in the basement. He then turned on all the perimeter motion-sensors before locking the newly-installed front door behind him.

When he was gone I went upstairs to check on Isabella.

She was still sleeping soundly.

I pulled the blanket more firmly around her before running my nose lightly across her cheek. She moaned softly and I quickly stepped back and sat in the armchair across the room as the beast started rumbling around in my brain, making outrageous and seductive demands.

I sat there and watched as she slept, occasionally allowing myself a small breath of her scent, and wishing like hell I could read her mind when, several hours later, she started moaning and murmuring my name.

I told myself I was watching over her because we were being stalked and I was her protector, but realistically I did it because I wanted to be the only one stalking her. The thought of anyone else watching her...treating her like prey...made me insane with jealousy.

I gazed into the trees outside my window, scanning them for a face looking back. For the person I desperately wanted to find and hurt. Viciously.

I imagined what I would do if I saw Tanya's face. Would I hurt her? Kill her?

If she threatened Isabella, then absolutely. I wouldn't think twice.

The pines swayed in the breeze – green and empty - silhouetted by the sinking sun.

There was nothing.

No one watching her but me.

Good.

That's the way it was meant to be.

I looked at her, and my chest was suddenly full of emotion.

She was mine. Made for me. Without needing a piece of paper or a ring or any of the traditional human symbolism, I knew it. She knew it.

I would destroy anyone who tried to take her from me.

Even Tanya.

I heard a small moan and watched as Isabella's mouth dropped open, her lips soft and wet.

I wanted my lips to be on hers. I wanted to taste her tongue.

And of course, I wanted her. All of her.

I couldn't stop myself fantasizing about stripping back the blanket and gently...so gently that she wouldn't even stir...removing all of her clothes. She'd sigh as she sensed me. She always sighed. A soft release of air that signaled she was happy to see me. To feel me.

I'd look down at her, hungrily; my eyes drinking in every sweet inch of her pale skin - her long legs, the creamy warmth of her stomach, her beautiful breasts - all would feed the burn inside me, the steady dripping of venom in my mouth, and the deep need between my legs.

Then I'd kneel next to her like I was about to pray. Like I was her supplicant and she was my Goddess. And I'd touch her. Lightly. Reverently. My cold fingers barely grazing her perfect skin.

She'd shift and moan, needing me to touch more of her, and I'd comply like the faithful subject I was. I'd trail my fingers over her throat, hesitating at her sharp pulse before traveling down to circle her breasts, watching in fascination as the skin I touched tightened and contracted, and flushed with blood.

When I touched her nipples she'd make a small sound in the back of her throat. It would call to the beast and tug at every fiber of my control, demanding that I forget about being reverent and gentle and just take her hard and fast, with ripping skin and open veins. But I'd ignore it. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. If I listened to it and let myself hear its dark promises, I would give it what it wanted immediately, because, oh, dear God, I wanted it so badly it hurt.

But I'd block out the roar of the beast and concentrate on Isabella, and how I could bring her pleasure without spilling her blood.

Her scent would be driving me insane by now, the sharp pounding of her heart would echo inside my head as I trailed down her stomach, and reached the juncture at the top of her legs.

"Oh, God, Edward..."

Her voice was soft and needy, and it took me a moment to realize the real Isabella had actually spoken.

She was moving on the couch, her legs squirming and kicking off the blanket as she rolled onto her back.

_She can feel what I'm feeling. She senses my desire for her._

"Please...don't stop. Edward..."

Her words invaded me and my name was no more than a moan in her dark sleep-voice.

I was so hard I contemplated trying to find some relief. I knew I shouldn't wake her, but God, I wanted to.

_She's still sore. Forget it._

I could take care of it myself and let her feel as I brought myself to climax, but knowing my luck, as soon as I unbuttoned my jeans and took myself in hand my family would arrive home and ridicule the hell out of me.

"Edward...please..."

I went back to my fantasy. She seemed to be enjoying that, and it allowed me to still let her rest...sort of.

I pictured my hand on her thighs, my pale skin against the flushed pink of hers. Her skin was so soft. My thumb rubbed small circles against her as my fingers trailed upwards...closer to where I really wanted to be. To where _she_ wanted me to be.

The real Isabella opened her legs and I couldn't help but moan. I concentrated on the fantasy and not how insanely I wanted to make it reality.

Fantasy-Isabella had also opened her legs, and venom streamed into my mouth as I imagined tasting her. Feeling her on my tongue.

"Yes...ohhh..."

I imagined spreading her thighs even wider, enough to accommodate my head as I leaned in and ran my tongue over her. So impossibly soft and sweet. My tongue tingled at the sensation. My venom burned my mouth and I had to swallow.

_It's not enough. I need more._

I brought my mouth down to her again, covering her, sucking her. I didn't decide to do it, but suddenly my hand was stroking my erection through my jeans. I groaned again and imagined it was her hand.

"Oh...Jesus...Edward."

"Isabella..."

I imagined her hands winding into my hair as I pleasured her with my mouth, my tongue alternating between long, forceful strokes and light, feathery ones; my hands stroking her soft skin, trying to be gentle when all they wanted to do was rip and tear.

I pictured sliding a finger inside her. She groaned loudly, telling me it wasn't enough. I gave her another. Her muscles gripped me and squeezed. I started to move.

_God, I want to be inside her. Any part of me inside her._

The fantasy was getting more heated, moans from both of us filling my quiet bedroom. In my mind, my mouth was still sucking her and my fingers were inside her, and the noises she was making shot electrical jolts straight to my groin. The hand that wasn't pleasuring her stroked my hardness and tried to help the painful ache, but it only made things worse because my hand was cold and hard and what I desperately needed was warm and soft.

"I want you...please, Edward."

"God, I want you too," I muttered as I clenched my teeth in frustration.

"Then do something about it," her voice ordered firmly.

I realized then that she was no longer sleeping, but awake and looking at me with desperate eyes.

"You're too sore," I whispered, not really understanding why the hell I was trying to talk her out of it. "You need some time to recover before we make love again."

"No. I don't."

Her eyes were fiery and demanding. Exactly how I liked them.

"What I need, Edward," she said seductively, "is you, between my legs, doing exactly whatever it was you were just fantasizing about, because Jesus Ever-loving Christ, that was hotter than Hades."

"Isabella..."

"Edward..."

"No."

"Yes."

She stared at me with pure animalistic hunger, and I suddenly knew how she felt when I was fighting to stay in control.

"Please, Edward," she begged, her voice cracking with desperation.

_How could __I__ deny her anything when she begged me for it?_

"You're not playing fair."

"I like to win."

"You won't be winning if I hurt you further."

She just looked at me. She knew she'd already won.

I knew I shouldn't. I knew she wasn't thinking with her brain and I should say no because I was older than she was and therefore should be more responsible and exhibit more control, but it seemed the compulsion to be joined with her – to mate – was one I was unable to deny.

I stood up slowly, thrilling that her eyes watched me with greedy expectation.

I'd only taken a few steps forward when the wail of an alarm sounded.

It was the perimeter sensor.

It could have been my family arriving home, but I needed to be sure. I grabbed Isabella and lifted her up, dashing downstairs to the basement to check the surveillance monitors.

I quickly put her down and assessed the screens. There was a car weaving up our long driveway. A police car.

"Oh, shit," Isabella muttered behind me.

I turned to her.

"Your father?"

She nodded and exhaled heavily.

"I really hope he's here because he's investigating the murders and wants to interrogate you as a suspect."

"What?" I said in surprise. "Why on earth would you want that?"

She looked at me with concern.

"Because otherwise it means he knows I broke up with Jake and spent the night with you, and then the shit's really going to hit the fan."

I felt a cold chill run through me at the thought of being under the scrutiny of Chief Swan, as both a potential murderer and his daughter's new boyfriend.

Realistically, I was screwed either way.

...

...

...

* * *

**Aut****hor Notes**

**Ooh, meeting the girlfriend's scary father is never fun. Except ****if you're watching from a distance as we'll be doing.**

**WindowWard has his own Twilighted forum if you want to come and throw theories around or simply post pics**** of hot men. (I'd actually prefer the hot pics if I'm being absolutely honest.)**

**http:/www(.)twilighted(.)net/forum/viewtopic(.)php?f=33&t=8152&p=1053388&hilit=grasping+darkness#p1053388**** - Don't forget to remove the brackets from around the dots.**

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**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	11. Father's Day

**Chapter Notes**

**I can't tell you how grateful I am to all of you who faithfully review this story. Even though I don't have the time to review-reply much these days, please know how incredibly touched I am that you make the effort to send me your thoughts. Thank you.**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly who I can't thank enough for mediating my ongoing vendetta with the question mark. (He knows what he did.)**

**Huge thanks to pre-readers 1Lavishone and J_e_n_n_.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight character names belong to Stephanie Meyer. All characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details belong to the respective author. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization.**

**Enjoy.**

**

* * *

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**Chapter 11 – Father's Day**

When a male vampire mates, it's undoubtedly the most profound occurrence he'll ever experience in his infinite life. It's like a cast-iron bond forms, shackling us to our partner and permanently altering our personality. Suddenly, there's nothing in the world more important than _her - _our other half. The tedium of finding things to fill our immortality is replaced by the overwhelming passion and need for her presence, her body. The compulsion to posses her in every way, isn't voluntarily given. It's required. An irresistible impulse that draws you to her, ignorant of rationale or free will.

That's the description I'm familiar with, anyway.

Every member of my family has tried to describe the mating bond to me more times than I care to count, and each time I dismissed their grand romantic notions with an exasperated sigh and a roll of my eyes.

I didn't believe them.

It all sounded so...unlikely. Too powerful and too passionate. I thought they were exaggerating.

Of course, now I realize their words were ridiculously weak, and completely incapable of warning me against the full force of emotions that erupted within me when I met Isabella. As a vampire, I was used to having heightened emotions, but I just never really had any positive ones. Dissatisfaction, bitterness, regret, jealousy - all of which I was more than well-acquainted with. But lust, wonder, pleasure, happiness? I had no idea that my body was capable of experiencing such things, and not only that, but feeling them so incredibly powerfully that it was like they were infusing every cell; filling the dark, cold spaces that had made up the illusion of my existence until I found the only thing that truly mattered. Meeting Isabella had transformed me into someone completely different: someone who laughs, and sighs, and craves something more than just blood and death. Someone who finally understood the addictive electricity of orgasmic flesh. Someone who had, after so many years of aimless searching, found something worth living for.

The fact that I had recognized a human as my mate was bizarre. Even Carlisle, who had spent so much time with the Volturi, learning vampire history and reading their stories, hadn't heard of anything like this. More unbelievable was that Isabella was also my singer. I calculated the odds that fate would decide to burden me with two outrageous sources of temptation in the same being was around the same as someone getting hit by consecutive lightning strikes twenty-seven times.

Of course, if God hated someone as much as my God hated me, then an unlikely lightning-palooza was more than possible. Probable, even.

What's more, apparently delivering my perfect unlife-partner to me in an outrageously fragile body whose blood smelled like every version of heaven I've ever imagined wasn't enough for my vengeful and vindictive God. Oh no. He also had to burden me with one more issue no other vampire on the planet had to contend with in regards to their mate.

Her father.

My already-cold skin got even colder as I watched on the surveillance monitor as Chief Swan's police car screeched to a halt outside my house. He got out of the car and slammed the door violently.

"Oh, crap," Isabella muttered. "He looks pissed."

I knew I had no reason to be afraid of Chief Swan. Even as he adjusted his gun belt and appraised my house, I was more than aware that he was a human man, and therefore incapable of hurting me in any physical sense without a good dose of luck and a weapons-grade incendiary device. Still, I was helpless to stop the knot of nervousness that quickly coiled inside my stomach, jolting anxiety through my dead body.

"Just out of interest," Isabella said carefully, "what would happen if my dad shot you?"

I looked at her sharply.

"Is that something he's likely to do?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so. I'm just interested to know."

"Well," I said, exhaling, "he'd quickly find out I wasn't human when the bullet ricocheted off me and possibly wounded him."

"Oh, wow," she said in quiet awe. "Why do I find that so hot?"

"Your father getting wounded?" I asked, frowning.

"No, bullets bouncing off you. It's like you're a super-hero."

I hesitated to remind her that superheroes didn't usually have the blood of thousands of murders on their hands. Technically I was a super-villain.

I looked back at the screen as the Chief adjusted his gun belt again before setting his mouth in a determined line and heading toward the house.

"Wait here," I ordered as I flew up the stairs and opened the front door just as he was stepping onto the landing.

"Good evening, Chief Swan," I said with as much warmth and sincerity as I could muster. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

He looked me over carefully, not bothering to hide his disdain.

_"Pleasure, my ass, douchebag," _he thought bitterly. "_You'd better not have even looked at my daughter sideways or I'm going to put you in the ground and make it look like a goddamn accident."_

"Mr. Cullen," he said aloud, his voice tight with tension, "I'd appreciate it if you'd cut the small-talk and get my daughter out here. Right the hell now."

_Okay, so at least he's not here about the murders. Score one point for the recently-framed vampire._

"Ah...certainly. Let me just get her for you."

As I turned around, Isabella appeared in the doorway, looking anxious.

"Hey, Dad," she said lightly, but I could hear the trepidation in her voice. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Bella," he said, and I could tell he was trying to suppress his anger. "What the hell was I supposed to think when I arrived home this morning after investigating TWO murders in our town, only to find you missing? Window broken...bed not slept in...purse and cell-phone in your room...truck in the driveway? Dammit, Bella, I've been going out of my head with worry all damn day! I was just about to issue an APB on you!"

"Oh, God," Isabella groaned, and I knew she hadn't even considered the consequences of her unexplained absence. To be honest, neither had I. "Dad, I'm sorry."

"Two murders, Bella! TWO! Kids who just happened to attend the same Halloween party as you did last night. There was no note from you! No phone call! Nothing!"

"Dad..."

"I thought I was going to find a third body any second and it would be you!"

He put his hands on his hips and dropped his head, and I saw dozens of scenarios flicker through his mind in which Isabella was cold and dead, her throat ripped out, her skin grey and dull.

They were scarily similar to the images my beast thrust into my skull several times a day, making my mouth drip with venom at the thought.

"Dad, I...I didn't think," Isabella said, obviously upset. "I'm so sorry."

He pushed the images aside and sighed.

"I called Jacob. He's sick and couldn't come to the phone, but Billy told me you weren't there and that Jake was mumbling about you breaking up with him. I called the diner. They hadn't seen you. I even called Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley, for God's sake. Eventually I resorted to calling Sam Uley on the off-chance that he and the La Push boys knew anything. He told me I'd find you here. Why the hell does Sam Uley, of all people, know where you are, and I don't?"

Isabella watched her father silently as he took a deep breath and exhaled noisily. He eventually looked up at her and the strain of what he'd been through was obvious in his eyes.

"Don't you EVER put me through something like that ever again, young lady. Do you hear me?"

Isabella nodded and walked over to him. He pulled her into his arms and squeezed her tightly, and although I knew I shouldn't be jealous of her father, I was.

He was holding her warmth against him and I craved it. Desperately. I didn't like that I had to share Isabella, even with her father.

Finally he stepped back and looked at me before turning back to Isabella.

"Now that I know you're not dead in a ditch somewhere, would you like to tell me exactly what the hell is going on here?"

Isabella glanced at me quickly.

"Uh, Dad, this is Edward. Edward Cullen."

"I know who he is, Bella," her father said, tersely. "We met last night after Mr. Cullen demonstrated his blatant disregard for the safety of other motorists and himself by doing a hundred and thirty in a sixty zone."

Isabella glanced at me, surprised.

"You didn't tell me my father gave you a speeding ticket?"

I shrugged.

"It didn't come up."

Chief Swan looked at me and back to Isabella with narrowed eyes.

"What exactly is going on between you two?" he asked with the air of a practiced interrogator. "Bella, is he the reason you broke up with Jake?"

Isabella sighed and shook her head.

"No, Dad. I broke up with Jake because I didn't love him. Well, not the way a girlfriend should love a boyfriend anyway. I should have broken up with him a long time ago. Meeting Edward just made me face facts."

"And where exactly did you meet Edward?"

Her eyes flicked briefly to mine and I knew she was nervous about lying to her father. Realistically, she couldn't tell him that we 'met' when I started crawling through her bedroom window and pleasuring her while she slept.

"I met Isabella at the diner," I interjected, using the story she had told Jacob and trying to relieve her of the burden of deceiving her father. I wasn't well-practiced with lying, and yet I was still fairly certain I'd be better at it than she was.

"I started having lunch there when I first moved to town. She was my waitress. I was fascinated by her, but I knew she had a boyfriend."

_A giant, idiot boyfriend who I've wanted to eviscerate on more than one occasion, and dearly wanted to kill last night. _

"I see," Chief Swan said, and despite my best efforts I could feel the disbelief in his thoughts.

_What a pile of crap. I've never seen him at the diner. This kid is almost as bad at lying as Bella._

"So how did my daughter end up at your house last night, Mr. Cullen?"

_This oughtta be good._

"I ran into her at the Halloween party," I said, trying to be more convincing. "She allowed me to dance with her," - _up against a wall, all warm thrusting and deep, ecstatic moans_ - "and then her boyfriend was...unwell," - _because I beat him half to death_ - "and Isabella took him home," - _leaving me in a state of purgatory in which I believed the one person I desperately wanted to share eternity with had rejected me. _"Then I drove home," - _at an_ _irritatingly slow speed_ _before running __back to your house where your daughter eventually forgave me and rubbed herself on my desperately aroused body until my sister rudely interrupted us with a dire warning about homicidal dogs._

Chief Swan squinted at me. His thoughts indicated he believed me a little more. After all, what I said was the truth, just a highly edited version of it.

"That still doesn't explain why she spent the night with you," he said.

"Dad," Isabella said, sounding embarrassed that he was asking, "Jake and I broke up. We had a horrible fight, and...I didn't feel like being in the house all by myself. I called Edward and he picked me up."

I was surprised and proud that Isabella's lie sounded almost believable. She was improving. This pleased me because if she was going to continue seeing a one-hundred-and-nine year old vampire while trying to convince her father I was just a regular man, then the truth was going to have to be malleable.

"Uh huh," the Chief said skeptically. "So you two are...what? Dating now?"

_I wouldn't call it 'dating', chief. I constantly fantasize about making love to your daughter while draining her blood, but most of our relationship, thus far, has consisted of me pleasuring her while she's unconscious. Very occasionally I'm allowed the sweet relief of being inside her. The only 'date' we've been on involved me slaughtering animals in front of her before thoroughly sexing her in the same meadow where I first witnessed her being grossly sexually unsatisfied by her former boyfriend/dog._

"Uh...yeah...I guess," Isabella replied, and I could tell she was thinking something similar to what I was.

"Yes," I said with more conviction, because I wanted him to know that despite our unorthodox relationship, we were absolutely together. "We are dating. Definitely dating."

The Chief glared at me.

"Well, technically we haven't been on a date _yet_," I clarified - _blood, mountain lion, meadow, orgasm_ - "but I'd certainly like to. Date her." _Among other things. _"If that's all right with you. Sir." _And even if it's not._

I really did want his permission. If he didn't give it to me I'd continue seeing Isabella regardless, but it would be nice to have it.

I didn't know why I suddenly craved the approval of a human so desperately. Maybe because he was important to her and therefore he was important to me. If he didn't like me, it would be uncomfortable for Isabella, and I wanted to spare her that if I could.

"Why didn't you mention you knew Bella last night when I pulled you over?" he asked, his eyes hard and accusing. "Surely you knew I was her father."

I nodded.

"Yes, sir, I did, but under the circumstances I didn't think it would be wise for me to introduce myself. I had just broken the law and you'd had a long night. Also, you're extremely intimidating."

_That wasn't a lie._

The Chief seemed to soften for a moment at my admission before coming back with the question that every new boyfriend in the world dreads.

"So, Mr. Cullen...are you sleeping with my daughter?"

"DAD!" Isabella cried in absolute horror.

My mind reeled with the memories of everything I had shared with Isabella over the past few months – every new, erotic experience; every piece of delectable flesh I had touched and licked and tasted.

I answered with the fervent conviction of someone telling the absolute truth.

"No, Chief Swan," I said confidently, "I have never slept with your daughter."

_And I never will, as much as I'd love to. _

I knew I was exploiting a loophole in the man's wording, but I figured it wasn't a fair question for him to be asking in the first place.

Isabella looked at me and shook her head minutely. I think she was proud of me.

It felt good.

The Chief looked between us and I knew he was suspicious of my answer, but he didn't voice his doubts. However, he did think them.

_I don't trust this guy as far as I could throw him, no matter how convincing he is. But Bella's nineteen. I can hardly tell her who she can and can't date. Doesn't mean I have to like it. He's strange. And too pale. How the hell does someone get to be that pale? Is he sick?_

He sighed and adjusted his gun belt again.

"Well, I don't suppose I have much say in what Bella does these days, so if she's chosen you over Jake, I suppose I have to respect that." He turned to Isabella. "But I DO expect to know your whereabouts, Bells, especially when there's a killer on the loose."

"Yes, Dad," Isabella acquiesced quietly.

"How's the investigation going, Chief?" I asked, genuinely interested to see if he'd discovered any new evidence. "Do you have any suspects?"

I knew it would be several days before a full forensic analysis of the bodies could be carried out, and even then I was fairly certain existing testing would overlook the small amount of venom that the killer had left on the body, but I couldn't help but be wary.

"At the moment, everyone is a suspect, Mr. Cullen. We're working in conjunction with the Port Angeles Police Department considering we haven't yet established if the victims were killed there or here, but the kids were local, so we figure it has to be someone from the area. We're currently in the process of interviewing as many people from the nightclub as possible. Which reminds me..." He put his hands on his hips and glared at Isabella. "How the HELL did you and Jake get into Volterra? Neither of you are twenty-one."

Isabella blushed and dropped her eyes to the ground.

"Jake got us fake ID's," she said quietly. "He bought them on the internet."

"Yeah, well, next time I see Jake I'm going to need to insert my foot up his ass about that. He's lucky I don't prosecute him."

_Oh, please...PLEASE prosecute him._

The Chief turned back to me.

"I guess you'll be on our list of people to talk to, Mr. Cullen, considering you were there too."

For some reason that prospect made me unreasonably nervous.

"I doubt I saw anything that would help."

"You never know," he said, studying my face closely, "You might hold the key to the whole case."

His words were truer than he could possibly know.

"Fine, Chief," I said with a smile. "Anything I can do to help."

"Good. Come by the station tomorrow. I'll take your statement."

With that he turned back to Isabella and said, "It's getting late, Bells. Can your old man give you a ride home? Billy sent over some fish for dinner."

I immediately tensed up. I hadn't considered that Isabella's father would expect her to leave with him, and I sure as hell didn't want it to happen. She needed to stay with me. Not only for the selfish reason that I'd be in hell without her, but also because I needed to watch over her and protect her.

Plus, just the thought of her not being with me, for whatever reason, made my skin crawl.

She glanced at me briefly and I saw the panic in her eyes. We couldn't be apart. And yet how could she refuse to go without hurting her father's feelings?

"Uh...sure, Dad. Thanks."

Obviously she couldn't.

She walked over to me and looked at me nervously, well-aware that her father was watching our every move.

She gazed up at me and bit her lip, and I wanted to lean down and suck it into my mouth. I wanted all of her. I wanted it more than I'd wanted anything in my existence, and not being able to have it was aggravating in the extreme.

_Just one kiss...one pass of my nose across her jugular...one brush of my hand over her breast..._

She noticed the look in my eyes and her heart rate sped up.

Unfortunately, Chief Swan noticed too, and thought, _Jesus, he's eye-humping her right in front of me. Not sleeping together, my ass. I really don't need to see anyone look at my daughter like that. Ever. _

"So, uh...Edward. Thanks for everything. I'll see you tomorrow?"

There was no chance I could wait until then to see her. I tried to control the urge to crush her to me and never let her go. The insane beast inside me showed me how I could easily snap the Chief's neck and then she wouldn't have to leave me. It calculated that he could be dead and buried in the woods within minutes, and part of it relished seeing Isabella's face when I did it.

Godammit, my beast was an asshole.

I pushed down my irrational and violent possessiveness and inhaled, determined to have one last hit of her scent.

"I'll see you soon," I said softly as venom pooled in my mouth, and she smiled sadly before turning and walking to the police cruiser.

I wanted to touch her, any part of her, to feel her warmth once more before she left, but instead I forced my hands to stay by my sides, my skin cold and bereft.

"Goodbye, Chief Swan," I said with a smile, trying not to let the hatred I currently felt for him play across my face.

He nodded curtly at me.

"I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow, Mr. Cullen," he said before turning and climbing into the car. "Come to the station whenever you can. I'll be waiting."

_I bet you will, you Isabella-stealing prick._

He slammed the door behind him, and I stood and watched as the car meandered down the long driveway. A cold, heavy ache in my chest got stronger with every yard Isabella moved away from me, and I imagined my already-dead flesh was becoming even more brittle and hollow without her.

The car was barely out of my sight before I started sprinting after it, staying hidden in the trees, but keeping pace with it as I pulled out my phone and called Alice.

"Please don't murder the Chief of Police," she said as she answered. "That would fall under the category of 'Edward's stupidest ideas ever'."

"I'm not going to murder him," I muttered, as the beast begged me to do exactly that.

_Rip the door off the car...tear his throat out...fuck Isabella on the hood in the moonlight._

"Uh huh," Alice said dubiously. "So, what, you're just going slip into stalker mode then?"

"I'm not stalking, Alice. Stalking is the act or crime of willfully and repeatedly following or harassing another person in circumstances that would cause a reasonable person to fear injury."

"Are you trying to tell me Isabella doesn't fear injury from you, because I'm pretty sure she does. So does her father."

"I'm not going to kill the Chief," I insisted.

"You'd better not. I like him. And his mustache is awesome."

"Do I need to tell Jas about your crush?"

"Shut up."

"Alice...truthfully – does he hate me?"

"Jasper? No. He just gets irritated when you sulk. Which is most of the time."

_My sister. The comedian._

"The Chief, Alice."

"Oh! Yes. _He_ hates you."

"Wonderful."

"But he's going to let you continue seeing her, at least for a while."

"As if he has a choice."

"Edward, I wouldn't be so flippant about Chief Swan's ability to deny you access to his daughter."

What she said bothered me immensely. She knew something she wasn't telling me.

"Alice," I warned, "tell me what you saw."

"Nothing definite."

"Tell me!"

"He considered arresting you when he found out Bella was at your house."

"What?"

My mind raced as I imagined myself in the city lock-up; shaking with the effort of trying not to rip the bars out of the wall to get to Isabella, my eyes getting darker as the hours passed, my bloodlust becoming uncontrollable, forcing me to reveal my true nature.

"Oh, stop being so dramatic," Alice sighed. "He won't do it, of course, because he doesn't have any evidence, but he'd like to, if only to keep you away from his daughter."

Anger flooded through me.

He may have given her half her genomes, but she was just as much mine as she was his. He had a hand in making her, but she was made _for_ me. How dare he think he has a right to keep me away from her?

"What the hell, Alice? He barely knows me."

"That's true, but he does have very good instincts, Edward. Far better than most humans. And to be fair, you do fantasize about killing his only child on a daily basis. That's enough to turn most fathers off potential suitors."

I unwittingly ran closer to the cruiser and got a glimpse of Chief Swan's face through the trees. It was hard and determined.

_Goddammit, why couldn't Isabella have a father who was an accountant, or a gym coach for God's sake? Why did he have to be a trained investigator with outrageously accurate instincts about potentially homicidal boyfriends? _

"Whether he likes me or not is irrelevant, Alice. There's no way I'm going to let her out of my sight while there's a killer in the area."

_Or ever, for that matter._

"And so you're going to stalk her twenty-four-seven?"

"It's not stalking!"

"Whatever, creeper."

I sighed in exasperation and resisted throwing my phone against a tree.

"Don't do it," she said, knowingly. "Carlisle will freak if you ruin another phone."

"Well, then, I suggest you stop being so damned aggravating."

"And I suggest you lighten up, sunshine. Nobody likes a Broody McBroodster."

"Isabella does."

"Yeah, well, she's strange. Adorable and beautiful, but strange."

I couldn't argue with that. Any woman that knew what Isabella did and still allowed me to be in her life was unusual to say the least. I was eternally grateful for her 'strangeness'.

"So, Alice, apart from annoying the hell out of me, what else have you achieved today? Have you found anything?"

"No. Jas and Em have checked out most of the hotels in Port Angeles and found nothing. If Tanya's in the area, then she's laying low. Carlisle and I have been talking to people in town, but no one has seen any strangers recently, apart from you. They all think you're extremely cranky by the way, which, of course, we already knew."

"Please shut up."

"See? Cranky."

"So that's it?"

"Yep. We've kind of hit a dead-end."

I sighed and changed direction as the car headed into town.

"I'm sure the killer won't wait too long before making the next move," I said, dreading what that next move might be, and terrified it would involve Isabella.

"Unfortunately, I think you're right. We're going to patrol tonight and hopefully we'll find someone, but I'm not confident. What about you? You're just going to hang around outside Bella's house for the night then?"

"That's the plan."

If I thought I could get away with it, I'd also spend a decent amount of time in her room.

"Well, be careful. You need to hunt. If you need me to come and relieve you, let me know."

I thanked her and signed off. The police cruiser moved into a more populated area, so I moved into the shadows of people's backyards, confident the inky darkness would obscure my movements.

Isabella and her father were silent for most of the drive, but as they turned the corner into their street, I heard Chief Swan say, "So this Edward. What do you know about him?"

I cringed as I realized I hadn't thought to tell Isabella any of the fictional backstory I'd told the Chief, in which I was a private stock-trader and aspiring author; and although she did know quite a lot about me – the vampire side of me - none of it was particularly shareable.

"He moved here a few months ago," she offered, and even from a distance I could tell she was struggling to come up with information.

"Anything else?" her father asked gruffly.

"He can't cook eggs. He likes animals."

_True on both counts._

The Chief sighed.

"Bells, you've known this man for months and that's the sum total of what you know about him? What the hell do you two talk about?"

"Geez, I don't know, dad. We just talk. I don't usually take notes."

The car pulled up in front of the house and the Chief cut the engine and turned to her.

"Bella, I'm not trying to bust your chops here, but really...think carefully about this guy. I get an uneasy feeling that he's dangerous. Hell, a few months after he moves to town we have two murders? Do you know the last murder recorded in Forks was in nineteen sixty-four, and now we have two in two days? I'm hoping like hell it doesn't turn out to be a serial killer. Also, did you realize that Cullen is the only new resident to move into the area for the past twelve months?"

"Dad, Edward didn't kill anyone."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I was with him last night when the murders occurred."

"No, Bells, you weren't. You left him at the club, remember? Even he admits that. What was he doing between the time you left him and when he picked you up?"

"Getting a speeding ticket, apparently," she mumbled.

"Be serious."

"I am."

"In the time between when he left you and getting back to Forks, he had plenty of time to commit murder."

"Dad, if you really thought that you would have arrested him on the spot, so don't even pretend that you think he did it, because I know how your mind works."

"I have no evidence against him, Bells, but there's something about him that's just...off. I don't trust him."

"That doesn't make him a killer!"

_But I am a killer, Isabella. I hate that your father senses that about me. I hate that it's what I am and always will be. _

"Do you know where he came from?" her father continued. "Why he's here? What he does for a living? Jesus, Bells, you just spent the night with him and he's a stranger to you."

"He's not a stranger!" she protested loudly. "I feel like I know him more than pretty much anyone I've ever met, except for you, and that's not because of how many useless details I know about his life, Dad. He's strong and kind and fiercely loyal, and I know that he would protect me with his life if it came down to it. What else do you want from him?"

_To be the same species as his daughter would probably be nice. I wouldn't mind that myself, but I'm doubting that's ever going to happen, and it kills me to even consider that possibility._

The Chief sighed.

"Look, Bella...just be careful, all right?" His voice was resigned and weary. "As your father it's my job to hate your boyfriends."

"You didn't hate Jake," she challenged softly.

"Yes, I did. I'd come to accept him because he's been around for so long, but I still kind of hated him."

This knowledge made me unreasonably happy.

"Besides," the Chief continued, "something strange is happening in this town right now and it makes me as nervous as hell for your safety."

He was right. Vampires and shape-shifters were roaming the town, and somewhere in the general vicinity, a cold-blooded murderer was killing off unsuspecting residents who'd come into contact with me. I didn't blame him for fearing for his daughter's safety. I did too.

The moment Isabella and her father went into the house, the skies opened and I was saturated by a torrential downpour. I mumbled a string of particularly vehement obscenities at God and tried to find some shelter.

_Of course. The humans are safely ensconced in their warm, dry house. Quick, let's saturate the frustrated vampire. What fun!_

_In case you missed it, God, that was my sarcastic voice. You're a bastard. _

I positioned myself in a tree and resigned myself to spending the rest of the night loitering in the rain outside Isabella's house. Quite frankly, I would have rather been loitering naked in her bed with my head buried between her thighs, but I guess it wasn't my choice to make.

Over the next few hours, the full force of the mating bond swung into effect. The ache of not being able to be with her or touch her gradually got worse, to the point of being close to unbearable. I alternated between angrily patrolling the perimeter of the Swan residence, desperate to find a lurking asshole to murder horribly, and gazing longingly at her through windows, desperate to be next to her.

The weather seemed to reflect my mood, and as I got more and more agitated, the sky crackled and rumbled with growing intensity.

Isabella seemed oblivious to both the storm raging outside her house, and the one raging inside my body.

She was quiet for most of the night. Subdued even. The immature side of me wondered how the hell she could be so calm. Didn't she feel it? The clawing, aching anxiety? Why wasn't her skin screaming out for my fingers the way mine was for hers? Why wasn't her frustration expanding like a balloon of violence inside her, making everything tight, and pounding, and painful?

I watched as she cooked dinner for her father, and then watched television with him. Her face was smooth. Unworried. Her heart rate was elevated, but otherwise she showed no signs of distress at all.

The rain drenched me as I watched her, and I started to feel exactly as I did all those weeks ago before she knew I was real: like an outsider. A cold spectator to her warmth, rather than a participant in it.

Perhaps I'd overestimated her feelings for me. Here I was – pacing and fidgeting and practically losing my mind with longing – and she was sitting casually on the couch, watching a group of heavily-padded men throw around a ball like it was actually important.

How the hell could she be so calm?

Maybe the mating bond didn't affect humans the way it did vampires. Maybe they only felt strong emotions when they were with their mate. Or maybe – and this was the possibility that terrified me more than anything else - my need for her was infinitely stronger than hers for me.

My heart sank at the prospect.

Maybe her feelings for me were purely physical; the result of her body responding to the lures of my vampire nature – my face, my body, my smell. Perhaps it went no further than that for her.

Suddenly, her complete lack of obvious discomfort made me irrationally angry.

_How dare she not be as tortured as I was? _

I glared at her impotently as the rain pelted me mercilessly, the harsh cracking of thunder echoing through the trees.

I wanted her to feel my gaze, burst out of the house, and yell into the storm until she found me. I wanted her to scream and sob her need for me until her voice was hoarse, and then, when I finally revealed myself to her I wanted her to wail in relief and beg me to take her, to possess her body with mine.

I wanted to feel her, and smell her, and taste her, and I wanted her to need those things from me like she needed breath.

Was that really too much to ask?

Instead she stared steadfastly at the television screen, and when her father yelled loudly as one of the padded neanderthals slammed the ball into the ground and performed a ridiculous dance, she actually jumped in surprise and then laughed self-consciously.

_Dammit, Isabella, why don't you feel it? How can you NOT feel it when I feel it so intensely?_

After what seemed like an eternity, but was actually only twenty-seven minutes, she started yawning and kissed her father goodnight.

I quickly did one more patrol of the area before moving to my tree, and then waited anxiously as she climbed the stairs and entered her bedroom.

Her window was closed, which made me immediately bristle. I didn't care that chief Swan had probably closed it earlier. I didn't care that it was raining, and I didn't care that the pane of glass I had broken last night was probably allowing masses of water to leak into the room. I wanted the goddamn window open. Now.

I watched through the dripping glass as she grabbed her pajamas and headed into the bathroom to shower.

I waited and listened, trying to hear her over the sounds of the heavy rain. It wasn't easy.

The rain was really starting annoy the hell out of me. My clothes clung to me uncomfortably, my hair was plastered to my forehead, and no matter how many times I blinked, I couldn't stop it from streaming into my eyes.

I sighed heavily and drummed my fingers on the tree trunk.

_Get out of the shower, Isabella. Get out and open the damn window before I rip it out of the wall._

Eventually, I heard the shower shut off, and a few minutes later Isabella entered her bedroom, wrapped in her robe.

I inhaled instinctively, because there were few things on the planet that smelled better than a freshly-washed Isabella. Unfortunately the closed window and goddamn rain made it impossible for me to smell her, and I growled loudly in frustration.

_Why the hell isn't she opening the window? Surely she knows I'm out here._

She sat on her bed and calmly read a book. I ground my teeth together and tapped my foot impatiently.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I was kind of surprised it was functioning despite all the water.

I pulled it out and looked at the text message on the dripping screen.

"_For God's sake, she'll open the window when her father goes to bed, you impatient ass. Stop being such an emo-douche. And if you're worried about her not feeling the mating bond, then why don't you ask her? There's a novel idea. Idiot. Love you. Be careful of the headboard. _

I laughed despite my sour mood.

_Emo-douche? Not an inaccurate description I suppose._

I went back to drumming my fingers and studying Isabella.

She looked so serene, sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs crossed, and her foot gently bobbing. Her lips were parted, relaxed and soft. Her damp hair was swept to one side and I could see her long, smooth neck.

God, I wanted her.

I wanted to peel the robe away and run my lips and tongue over her soft flesh. I wanted to inhale her incredible scent and let it ruin me from the inside out. I wanted warm hands and soft lips on my body...everywhere...making me tighten and groan and beg for release.

I was hard and uncomfortable in my wet jeans.

_She'll open the window when her father goes to bed. _

_Go to bed, Charlie! For the love of God, go now!_

A few minutes later Isabella's father rapped on her door before poking his head inside and saying goodnight.

It wasn't long before I heard chief Swan snoring.

In the same second, Isabella was on her feet and wrenching the window open.

_Finally!_

She glared out into the rain and muttered, "Get your undead ass in here right the fuck now, vamp-boy."

I could only assume she was talking to me.

In a millisecond I was stepping through the window and dripping all over her carpet.

I inhaled so I could confront her about her un-tortured behavior, but the moment I took a breath of the Isabella-scented air, my body exploded with outrageous amounts of lust. The power of it staggered me, and I slumped heavily against the wall, suddenly bombarded by images of naked flesh and sweet, flowing blood.

The few hours I'd spent away from her scent had obliterated any desensitization I had developed, and the rush of conflicting imperatives to fuck her and/or drain her and/or protect her shredded my composure like a boulder through sugar-glass.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my hunger roared, twisting my stomach in knots and making me groan with need.

When I opened my eyes, Isabella was staring at me with a pained expression on her face, and I wasn't sure if she wanted to hit me or tear my clothes off.

At this point, I would have been okay with either, just to feel her hands on me.

"Goddammit," she muttered as she turned, flinging open the bedroom door and disappearing into the hallway.

I tried to steady myself and clear my mouth of the torrents of venom that were flooding it. My throat was blazing and raw by the time she reappeared with several towels.

I knew I was looking at her like she was a meal on legs, but I couldn't help it. I was burning for her blood, and her body, and I was trembling with the effort of having neither.

"Are you going to eat me if I come any closer?" she asked angrily as she looked down at me still struggling to get myself under control.

"Only if you ask me nicely," I whispered through my ruined throat as I pushed away from the wall and stood up.

"You're not funny," she snapped as she placed one towel on the floor to catch the water streaming off me, and started drying me roughly with the other.

"I'm not trying to be funny," I said as I allowed her to pull my head down so she could dry my hair. "I'm being honest. You only have to say the word and my mouth will do whatever you ask of it."

She groaned as she rubbed the towel over my head violently.

"You see? THIS is why I'm crazy. You...you...you're just...GOD!"

She finished on my hair and started drying my face and neck.

"No, I'm Edward," I said, trying to keep my voice even as her sweet-smelling skin screamed at my hands to touch her. "God's the sadistic bastard who's been torturing me outside in the rain all damn night."

She glared at me.

"Torturing YOU? Are you freaking kidding me?" she snapped. "Jesus, Edward! You have NO idea, do you? Take your damn shirt off."

I was surprised by her bizarre non sequitur.

"Why?"

"Just...do it," she gritted between her teeth.

Her anger was unbelievably arousing.

"You do it," I snarled with equal vehemence, and was immediately rewarded with a crimson blush that filled the air with even more of her extraordinary scent.

The beast clawed at my control, demanding me to just take her, and God help me, I wanted to. Not in the way he wanted, with tearing skin and torrents of blood, but her hands, and mouth, and body.

She stared daggers at me for several long seconds and took a deep breath before gripping the front of my shirt and wrenching it open. Exploding buttons ricocheted off the wall beside us and I had to suppress an unbelievably tantalizing urge to throw her on the bed and fuck all of the anger out of her.

"Isabella," I growled as she pulled my shirt off and threw it on the floor before proceeding to dry my chest and arms, "if you want me to remain in control then you're going to have to find a way to not blush so damned much."

She ran the towel down my abdomen, stopping just short of where I wanted her hands the most, and glanced up at me angrily.

"If I can handle you without your shirt on, then you can handle my blush," she snapped as she moved behind me and proceeded to dry my back, her heartbeat and breathing becoming quite erratic.

"You have no idea what sort of torture I went through being away from you tonight," I said, trying to ignore that I could feel the heat from her hands even through the thick towel. "In all my years I've never experienced anything as agonizing as being immobilized with my incredibly intense need for you, only to watch you _completely_ unconcerned about us being apart."

She stopped what she was doing and moved in front of me, her face masked in disbelief.

"Unconcerned?" she said incredulously. "UNCONCERNED?"

I stepped forward and clamped my hand over her mouth.

"Stop yelling," I hissed. "You'll wake your father."

Her eyes widened and I realized how close we were. Her hand was on my hip, and I could feel her lips pressing into my palm. I considered moving my hand and replacing it with my mouth, but Isabella's eyes hardened again, and when she grabbed my hand, I allowed her to pull it away.

"First of all," she said, pointing her index finger at my face, "waking my father isn't even a remote possibility without an airhorn, an epi-pen, and a fully-charged defibrillator, and second of all, YOU THINK I WAS 'UNCONCERNED'?"

She glared at me. I glared back.

"It certainly seemed that way."

She threw her hands up in exasperation and started drying me again, rubbing the towel roughly over my jeans. The friction on my arousal was intensely distracting.

"Christ, Edward!" she cried as she crouched to dry my legs, "I've been going out of my mind all night because all I wanted to do was be with you, and touch you, and make love to you, and because I couldn't do ANY of those things, I turned into a feverish lunatic who wanted to peel her skin off and start breaking things. I felt like a crazy person!

And even though all I could think about was running outside and finding you so I could put myself out of my misery, I couldn't do that because I needed to spend time with my father. My father who I've neglected terribly for the past few weeks, and who spent most of the day fearing I was DEAD, because I've been so wrapped up in you and how you make me feel that I haven't stopped to think about anyone else. And no matter how hard as I try, I can't seem to see past the enormous Edward-shaped haze that's filled my brain from the moment I discovered you were real and not a figment of my imagination. Do you understand how crappy that makes me feel?"

She stopped drying me and her eyes were fiery and challenging. I tried to ignore the searingly hot hand that was gripping the waistband of my jeans.

Before I could answer she continued, "And THEN, I get the double whammy of YOU hitting me with your tennis match of emotions! One moment you're apoplectic with lust, then you're insanely jealous, and the next moment you're ridiculously angry. What the hell, Edward? You make me feel like I have multiple personality disorder, and I had to sit there with Charlie and try like a son-of-a-bitch to hold it all together because I felt like I was being pushed and pulled and turned inside out with need, and I REALLY didn't want my father seeing that side of me because it's completely INSANE that I could possibly want someone as much as I want you!"

She dropped the towel on the floor and rubbed her eyes.

"Isabella..."

"Edward, just take off your pants," she said, wearily.

"Uh...what?"

I wasn't averse to taking off my pants, but I was fairly certain she didn't have the same reason in mind as I did.

"They're soaked," she sighed, looking up at me. "Give me your pants, socks and underwear and I'll put everything in the dryer."

"I'm not wearing underwear."

She rubbed her eyes again and mumbled, "Why? Why does he have to say stuff like that?"

Without another word, she stalked out of the room. I frowned and quickly removed everything, and threw the wet clothes on the floor with my shirt. A few seconds later she reappeared and froze in the doorway when she realized I was naked.

"Holy fuck," she muttered to herself.

I briefly considered covering myself, but the heat of her gaze was too delicious to deny.

"Is that a good 'holy fuck' or a bad 'holy fuck'?" I asked, confused as to whether I'd made her more or less agitated by being naked and aroused.

She dragged her eyes up to my face and said, "It's an 'I'm-still-angry-with-you-so-stop-looking-so-goddamn-edible holy-fuck'."

_Edible? Jesus Christ._

"You want to eat me? Well that's a nice change. Please, go ahead."

_Please, God, let her eat me._

I could tell I was making her angrier, but I couldn't seem to stop. Her anger smelled even better than her fear.

"Are you trying to make me hit you?"

"As much as I think that would be fun, I wouldn't recommend it. You'd break your hand."

"Not if I used a baseball bat."

"Don't tease me if you're not going to follow through. If I get any harder, I could be permanently disabled."

Her eyes dipped down to my erection before she squeezed her eyes shut and groaned, "WHY are you so infuriating?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

She grunted in frustration, threw a pair of what I assumed to be Charlie's sweatpants at me and mumbled, "For God's sake, put those on," before grabbing my wet clothes off the floor and storming out of the room.

I pulled on the pants and took a few deep breaths. The familiar burn her scent caused in my throat was comforting, but I needed more. I wanted her naked. I wanted my mouth on her.

And she wanted it to. She wanted _me_. The description of how she felt without me matched how I felt precisely. She was obviously just far better at hiding her discomfort than I was. The intensity of my relief that she was also in hell tonight was only second to the plethora of desires that were currently playing in a loop inside my brain.

I could hear her downstairs, slamming the door of the dryer and turning it on. I fantasized about pushing her up against it and fucking her standing up. The beast fantasized about catching her on the stairs and driving into her so hard that she'd groan in pain before he sank his teeth into her neck.

I heard irritated footsteps on the stairs and quickly came to the conclusion that there was nothing more arousing than Isabella when she was enraged. My cock was aching for her touch. My whole body was screaming for it. I needed her, and before anything else happened tonight, I was going to have her, however she wanted me. I would talk to her about the tortures of the mating bond later. I would apologize for doubting her feelings for me later. Right now, I needed her, and judging by her irrational anger, she needed me too.

She entered the room and closed the door, then turned and glared at me and the fire in her eyes was exhilarating.

"You're an asshole," she said as she untied her robe and slid it off her shoulders.

"Yes, I am," I answered as my eyes raked over her tight tank top and brief sleep shorts, "and that turns you on."

She continued to glare, silently.

"And what turns me on is that you're the most infuriatingly sexy woman I've ever encountered in all my days and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for one second since the first time I laid eyes on you."

I moved slowly toward her and her eyes burned into mine as her face lit with a fierce blush.

"I hate that I need you so much," she whispered and her voice was low and sultry.

"I know."

"It hurts when I'm not touching you."

"I'm going to make it stop hurting."

"How?"

"Take your clothes off."

I stopped in front of her and watched with hungry fascination as she peeled off her top, revealing the glory of her beautiful breasts. She kept eye contact with me as she pushed down her shorts and kicked them away.

I had to temper my reaction to her glorious body because all I wanted to do was be inside her to remove the unbearable ache in my groin. But I needed to take it slow. I wanted to savor her.

I reached out and grazed my fingertips over her collarbone, so delicate and elegant. She inhaled sharply, but didn't speak.

"Your skin," I sighed as I brought up the other hand to brush the impossibly soft skin of her breast, "is like warm silk."

She looked down at my hands moving across her and her heart rate picked up speed.

_I did that to her. My hands on her body. My eyes on her skin._

"Edward, you're too far away."

I moved forward and wrapped my arms around her, and when our naked chests connected, we both let out huge, groaning sighs of relief. Our hands moved over each other's bodies, soothing the pain of being apart, but also inflaming our bodies in a different way. In a more breathless, ecstatic way.

My mouth went straight to her neck and I moaned in pleasure as my tongue found the vibrant, pulsing skin that covered her jugular.

"Oh...God...Edward."

Her hands swept across my body and each pass of her fingers dissolved one layer of tension, only to replace it with several more.

"Isabella," I groaned as my mouth trailed down to her shoulder, "I can't be apart from you again. Ever. Do you understand?"

"Yes," she panted and suddenly, my mouth was on hers.

The moment our lips met, it was like someone had started a fire and poured napalm on it. My body was immediately inflamed beyond all reason, and the crawling anxiety that had been percolating inside me all night evaporated completely the moment she started kissing me back.

Despite everything I'd done in my life, all the sins I'd committed, feeling Isabella kissing me like I was precious and worthy of being hers, was as close to redemption as I would ever get. Her skin cleansed me and made me more of a man than I'd ever been when I was human. Her mouth sanctified me, and healed the parts of myself left scarred and ugly by the beast.

I kissed her fiercely and my arms automatically closed around her, pressing her body tightly against mine; her strong, thudding heart pressed to my cold, silent one.

I pushed her back against the door, making a loud sound. I didn't care. Right now I couldn't have cared less if Chief Swan stormed into the bedroom and pointed a loaded shotgun at my head. I needed her. Every part of her. And judging by how she was moaning and rubbing herself against me, she needed me too.

I lifted her up and her legs locked around my waist. She threw her head back as I pressed my erection against her, and I couldn't resist the long expanse of neck she exposed to me. My mouth couldn't get enough of the sweet skin, so warm and pink and redolent with the scent of her incredible blood. I sucked at her throat hungrily, trying to control myself, but it was getting more and more difficult. She gasped and wrapped her fingers in my hair, her chest heaving with fast breaths as my tongue trailed over her collarbone and down to her chest.

"God, you taste incredible," I groaned against her. "I want to taste every part of you. Every single delicious part."

She pulled back and panted, looking at me with wide eyes.

"Jesus, Edward. Bed. Now."

In the briefest of moments we were on the bed and she was beneath me as I cradled my body against hers, my hips rocking gently over her. The sweatpants I wore did nothing to disguise my arousal, and I ground it against her as I kissed her desperately.

Her hands trailed down my back and dipped into the waistband of the pants until she was squeezing my ass as I moved against her.

"You're wearing too many clothes," she panted as I kissed my way down her body.

"I'm half-naked."

"Yes," she insisted, "but the other half is wearing too many clothes. I need you to take them off."

"Not yet," I said, paying careful attention to the tender flesh of her breasts.

"Why not?"

"Because," I murmured as I circled her nipple with my tongue, "the moment I don't have this thin layer of fabric separating us, I'm not going to be able to resist the urge to bury myself inside of you, and I have so much to achieve first."

She tangled her fingers in my hair and gasped, "Such as?"

I moved to the other nipple, swallowing down the venom that was flowing steadily faster.

"Like making you cum with my mouth. And maybe my fingers."

"Oh...fuck...me."

"If you insist."

I kissed down her stomach and smiled against her skin as she writhed beneath me.

"I've been desperate to taste you like this all day," I whispered into her skin. "To feel you on my lips...my tongue."

I moved off the end of bed and kneeled on the floor, pulling her to the edge and gently pushing apart her thighs.

"I think I'm going to start at your knees and work my way up."

"Oh...God...yes."

I started kissing and licking her legs as my hands moved over her thighs, and every sweet moan that fell from her mouth made my need for her increase.

"Is this what you were fantasizing about when I was asleep earlier?" she asked breathlessly as I made my way higher, my hands gripping her hips as I tried to keep myself under control.

"Yes."

"Awesome."

"Exactly."

I paused as I reached the top of her thighs and looked at her, amazed at how beautiful she was, astounded that I was able to touch her and bring her pleasure.

More venom flooded my mouth and my tongue tingled with the expectation of tasting her. The beast wanted blood, but I was going to give it something infinitely sweeter.

"Edward?"

I looked up into her eyes and the deep need I saw there made me shudder with the compulsion to fill that need, to satisfy it, dozens of times over.

"You're the only man who has done this to me. Tasted me...there."

To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

"You mean, Jacob never..."

"No. Jake couldn't find my clitoris with both hands and a map. And he never seemed interested in doing...that. You're the only one. You were the first. Not Jake."

_Jacob had this incredible woman at his sexual disposal and NEVER thought to pleasure her with his mouth._

"Jacob's a fucking idiot," I muttered as my mouth closed around her.

"Holy Jesus!" Isabella cried loudly.

_How could Jacob have denied himself this? Why would he ever want to? _

Isabella's excruciating sweetness exploded on my tongue and I couldn't help but groan. She gasped and arched her back off the bed, and the knowledge that I was bringing her such intense pleasure made my body resonate with savage satisfaction.

_Any man would be unbelievably lucky to have you like this, Isabella. The fact that you're mine is something I don't know I'll ever come to terms with, but I'm certainly going to enjoy trying._

I focused all my attention on the soft, swollen flesh, listening to her heartbeat, monitoring the temperature of her skin, being mindful that with every mouthful of venom I purged down my throat, the urge to bite was becoming more and more difficult to control. Her body responded to me with overwhelming intensity. Her hands tugged at my hair and pushed me deeper into her. I obliged willingly, growling loudly as her pleasure heightened my own.

"Oh...dear God," she moaned, raising her head off the bed so she could look down at me. "Do that again."

I growled again, loud and low in my chest, and her heart rate spiked dramatically. She was close.

"Oh...Jesus...Edward..."

I carefully pushed one finger inside her, selfishly wanting to feel the wonder of her body orgasming, and once again I was stunned by her softness and mindful of my hardness. I could feel the dull rush of blood in the veins and arteries as her heart pumped ever faster. I closed my eyes, the sensation overtaking me, and grappled with many conflicting desires. The beast was urging me...no, _begging_ me to make a tiny puncture with my fingernail; salivating and snarling at the thought of tasting her blood and arousal simultaneously.

God, the thought was incredibly tempting. I couldn't imagine anything more powerfully erotic.

I blocked out the beast's seductive whispering before I could covet the idea any further, and slowly moved my finger in a way I knew Isabella found pleasurable. She cried out, her moans becoming louder and more desperate with each stroke.

_Yes, Isabella. Cum. God I love watching you cum, knowing I did that to you. _

I growled against her once more, and she was undone; arching and moaning as her climax pulsed through her, and a long pleasure-heavy groan filled the room. I groaned my own satisfaction as her muscles convulsed, and she mumbled my name as the tremors shimmered through her body.

"Oh...God...Edward. Oh, Edward..."

I loved her saying my name. I loved her _moaning_ my name. Screaming my name was also good, though less likely with her father sleeping in the next room, despite what she said about him not waking up.

I watched her until she slumped against the mattress, her heavy breaths labored and uneven, then I climbed back onto the bed and held her as she closed her eyes and sighed.

I inhaled deeply and sighed too. I could still taste her on my tongue, and even though her scent was destroying me one breath at a time, I couldn't be happier.

"Well that made a crappy night a whole lot better," she said softly, as she traced random patterns on my chest.

"I'm glad I could help," I said, my lips against her forehead, "considering it was partially my fault your night was so crappy. I shouldn't have assumed you didn't feel the pain of our separation as intensely as I did. I guess...I was afraid that I felt it and you didn't."

She pushed herself up onto her elbow and looked at me with incredulity.

"How could you possibly think that? How can you not know how I feel about you by know?"

I sighed and tried to sort through the myriad of reasons that flashed through my brain.

"Isabella, you have to understand that for most of my existence, I've had the curse and luxury of being able to read the minds of every person I've encountered. I knew their opinion of me while they were still forming it. To not to be able to do that with the one person on the whole planet I actually _want_ to hear is unbelievably frustrating. I've never interacted with someone whose every thought was a mystery to me, and one thing my gift has taught me is that people very rarely say what they mean. They talk in riddles and half-truths, and most of the time they tell people what they want to hear rather than what they want to say. It's truly a mystery to me how humans function in a world of such haphazard communication. "

She smiled and shook her head before bushing her lips over my chest.

"So what you're saying is that you don't trust what I tell you. You need to actually hear it from my mind to believe it?"

She kissed my chest again and suddenly all my words left me, and I struggled to remember what the hell we were talking about.

"No...I do trust you...I just..." She looked up into my face and I found the words I needed. "God, Isabella, I've waited for you for so long that I thought finding you was an impossibility. But now that you're here, I know that I absolutely don't deserve to have you. So when you say you want me...well...I have a hard time believing it. But...Jesus...I want you so much, and more than anything I want you to be mine."

She leaned over and kissed me, her lips soft and unbearably sweet, and when she pulled back and stroked my face gently, her eyes were full of absolute conviction.

"Edward, I'm yours, okay? Completely. Would you like me to get a tattoo on my ass that says 'Property of Edward Cullen' in order to convince you? Because as creepy as it is, I would totally do that if it made you believe it."

I laughed, mostly because it was funny, but also because I was so amazingly turned-on that she would do that for me I felt like even more of a freak than usual.

"I'd offer to get 'Property of Isabella Swan' tattooed on my body, but sadly, the tattoo needle can't penetrate my skin."

"Aw," she said with a pout, "I'd have paid money to see that written on your ass."

"No," I said softly and brushed my fingers over her face, "I'd get it tattooed on my chest. Right here."

I pressed her hand over my silent heart. She gazed at it for a few seconds before swallowing thickly, and I watched a flurry of emotions play across her face. She was quiet for a long time, and when she spoke, I could tell she was choosing her words carefully.

"Edward, I don't understand what the hell is happening between us, but I know that I've never felt anything that even comes close to what I feel with you. It's like I can't _not_ be with you. Like functioning without you is no longer an option. And to be perfectly honest, needing someone as much as I need you scares the hell out of me. I don't want to lose my mind every time you're more than a few feet away from me. I don't want the sick, churning nausea when you haven't touched me for a few hours. It's intense and bizarre, and kind of amazing, but it scares the hell out of me when I consider that I'm human and you're a vampire, and at any moment you could get bored with me and move on."

_Oh, Isabella. You have no idea, do you? I will never become bored with you. Ever. _

"That will never happen," I reassured her gently.

"Why not""

"Because..."

_Okay, Cullen, time to lay it on the line. Explain the mating bond. It may freak her out, but what choice do you have? She's confused by how it's making her feel. Make it better._

"Because, Isabella, leaving you would kill me. Literally."

She frowned.

"What the hell does that mean?"

I took a deep breath and tried to explain the phenomenon that, up until now, had been an exclusively vampire trait.

"Isabella, you're my mate. The one being in the whole world I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with. If I lost you, it would be like amputating one of my limbs and letting me slowly bleed to death. I wouldn't survive it. I wouldn't want to."

Her face crumpled in confusion.

"Uh...okay."

"You look confused."

"That's because I am."

"You're my mate, and I'm yours."

"Kind of like we're destined to be together? Like the universe demands it?"

"Exactly. We're each other's perfect partner."

"Except for how you constantly want to kill me and could squash me like a bug if you wanted to."

"Apart from that, yes."

"Does this happen a lot? A vampire mating with a human?"

"No. Never. This is the first time."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"And you're sure about this?"

"Aren't you?"

I sighed and cupped her cheek in my palm.

"Isabella, do you think this sort of connection happens to just anyone? The constant need? The insatiable desperation? The compulsive physiological urges we feel toward each other are driven by the fact that we're _mates_. We belong together."

"Huh. Well, thank God for that because I was beginning to think I was seriously unhinged."

She smiled at me, and I waited for her disbelief. It didn't come.

"So, that's it? That's your reaction?"

"Uh...yeah. What were you expecting?"

"Isabella, I just told you that you're destined to be in a relationship with an undead killer. I guess I was expecting some shock...or horror...or screaming revulsion."

She shook her head and smiled.

"You silly vampire," she chastised. "Learning that the man of my dreams is somehow cosmically linked to me and will NEVER leave me no matter how insane I make him? Well, that's pretty much every girl's dream right there."

_Just when I think she can't get any more amazing, she does._

"Isabella Swan, you are an endlessly fascinating woman."

"And sexy," she said as she leaned in to lick my neck. "For God's sake, don't forget the sexy."

"Absolutely zero chance of that happening," I growled as I kissed her and pulled her on top of me.

I groaned loudly as she immediately became the aggressor – licking and biting and scraping me with her fingernails.

Everywhere she touched me was instantly inflamed, and within seconds she'd set my whole body ablaze as my throat raged with savage thirst.

When she ground herself against my erection, the sensation was almost too much for me to bear. Her mouth and hands were driving me crazy, and feeling her rub against me and moan with pleasure made the beast stampede around my brain, making outrageous demands.

A violent urge to thrust myself inside her as I tore out her throat shot through me, and I quickly removed my hands from her and buried them in the headboard behind me. I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned as the overwhelming bloodlust flooded through me, and Isabella immediately froze, knowing exactly how to react to my battle with the beast.

I stayed still for a few seconds, swallowing the rush of venom and remembering that Isabella was my mate, not my prey. I was determined for her to know that too. When I opened my eyes she was looking down at me with so much concern and affection that I felt my cold heart tighten in my chest.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to get off?"

I released my hands from the crumbling headboard and tried to smile.

"I believe you've already had that pleasure tonight, greedy woman, while I'm still here, achingly hard and losing my mind."

I sounded far more in control than I felt, and was rewarded with a smile.

"Well," she said with an arched brow, "I'll have to see what I can do about that, won't I?"

She leaned forward and started kissing my chest, her lips and tongue immediately driving me back to the point where the lines between my lust and that of the beast started to blur. She nipped gently at my nipples and once again, my hands went back to the headboard, and it bore the brunt of my violent reaction.

I knew I was testing my boundaries by letting her continue to pleasure me when the beast was so close to the surface, but the sensation of having her mouth on me was astonishing, and I wanted to prolong it for as long as possible. I gripped my control desperately, wanting to be a normal, non-bloodthirsty man for her.

I knew I was fighting a losing battle.

She trailed her mouth down my abdomen, and everything turned into fire, and electricity and tensing muscles. I closed my eyes again, grinding my teeth as she peeled down my pants and her warm breath washed over the part of me that was most desperate for her.

_Dear God...she's going to take me in her mouth. _

_No. _

_Yes. _

_Fuck..._

_Yes._

"Isabella..."

My voice was low and strangled, and filled with the pain of knowing I should stop her.

"God, Edward...I want to taste you. Please."

Jesus. She said 'please'.

Every muscle in my body was tense. I had no idea what to do. I knew it was dangerous. I was substantially harder than a human man. If I thrust into her mouth, even a small amount, I could hurt her. Hell, I could kill her. Was I really confident enough about my control to risk that?

I opened my eyes and looked at her, her mouth hovering above my erection, her eyes desperate with longing.

Christ, what would it feel like to have those beautiful lips wrapped around me? Her warm tongue sucking me? I'd only experienced a woman's mouth on me once before and to be honest, I think Tanya did it because she felt she was obligated to, not because she wanted to.

Judging by the look on Isabella's face, that was certainly not the case here. She wanted this.

"Isabella...I want you to. God, you have no _idea_ how much I want it...it's just. It's dangerous."

"Surely no more dangerous than being inside me, and you handled that okay."

She had a point.

"I just...God, if I hurt you...at all...I could never forgive myself."

"Then I'll take it slow. You can tell me to stop whenever you like."

I sighed and tried to calm myself. I needed to be honest with myself as to whether I could do this.

"Touch me first," I said. "If I can handle that, then, maybe."

_Small steps. Short strokes._

She nodded and I watched as her fingers wrapped around me, her fist warm and tight and incredible.

_Jesus Christ._

"Oh...God...Isabella..."

I was panting for no reason other than I couldn't help myself. She moved her hand along my length and the growl that rumbled in my chest was inhuman to the extreme.

She glanced up at me and froze.

"It's all right," I rasped through fresh waves of venom. "It just feels unbelievably good."

She started moving her hand again, faster and tighter, gaining confidence as I moaned and mumbled her name incoherently. Her face was still close to me and she watched her hand pumping me firmly, a look of awe and fascination lighting her features.

The sheer volume of pleasure that her hand was generating was overwhelming, and even though I could feel my urge to bite her increase as the tension built inside me, I still felt relatively in-control.

She looked up at my face to gauge my reaction.

"I'm okay," I whispered.

"Can I...?"

She looked at me expectantly, but I wanted to hear her say the words.

"Say it. Please."

"Edward, may I take you in my mouth?"

_Fuck_.

"God...Isabella. Yes."

She lowered her mouth closer to me, keeping her eyes locked on mine as her tongue moved across my tip.

_Dear God._

I groaned helplessly. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt. Or seen.

"Jesus, Edward," she groaned softly, "You taste amazing."

I was designed to taste amazing, especially to humans, but in that moment I didn't care. Hearing Isabella say it was mind-blowingly erotic.

She broke eye contact with me and turned her head, and I felt her warm breath all over me.

"I just want to try one thing," she whispered as she leaned over me. "Stay very still." Her mouth got closer and I resisted the urge to lift my hips to meet it. "Don't move."

And then her mouth closed around me, and any tenuous grip I had on my control or sanity was utterly and instantly demolished.

"Jeeesuuuus..."

My brain clouded with thick pleasure and all I could register was warm suction and soft wetness.

My back arched and my hips bucked, and only the hideous sound of Isabella gagging brought me back to reality

She sat up and started to cough and in an instant I slammed myself into the wall across the room, pulling up my pants, terrified about any damage I had done to her. Even more terrifying was that I may have torn one of the delicate membranes in her throat and made her bleed.

The beast really hoped she was bleeding.

"Isabella?"

She coughed again and looked at me in surprise.

"What the hell are you doing over there?" she asked and her voice was kind of husky.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I just gagged when you shoved yourself down my throat."

"God, Isabella, I'm sorry."

"Edward, it's fine," she laughed. "It happens sometimes. Don't tell me a girl has never choked while deep-throating you. You're kind of...hung."

"Well, to be honest, I don't have much experience with 'deep throating', so, no." _And to be fair, Isabella, the only other person who has done that to me has been around for more than a thousand years and has therefore sucked substantially more dick than you. Plus, I'm pretty sure she had zero gag reflex even when she was human, so as a vampire she could probably deep-throat a scud missile. _"Are you sure I didn't hurt you?"

"I'm fine. Really." She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "In fact, I'd really like to try it again, if you think you're up to it."

I resisted making a smart-ass comment about how 'up to it' I was, and instead pulled her against me.

I kissed her and leaned back against the wall, knowing that I should take precautions if we were going to continue pleasuring each other tonight.

"I should hunt," I sighed.

"Can I come?" she asked excitedly.

"Maybe. If Alice comes with us to protect you."

"From mountain lions?"

_And me. And lurking, vengeful vampires._

"Yes. From mountain lions."

I saw her glance out the window, and she frowned and squinted into the dark.

"Edward," she said, pointing to my tree. "What is that?"

I turned and peered into the darkness.

"What the hell?" I muttered as I spied a silver disc dangling from the tree, spinning and glinting in the breeze.

I climbed out the window and leapt into the tree. Hanging from a branch was a DVD scrawled with the words, 'WATCH ME'.

_Fuck._

Panic exploded inside me. I grabbed the disc and then leapt back into the house, slamming the window behind me and pulling Isabella away from it.

"Where's my phone!" I asked urgently.

"Uh...downstairs in the laundry room. It took it out of your pants when I put them in the dryer."

I grabbed Isabella and flew down the stairs, quickly setting her down and grabbing the phone which had just started ringing.

"Alice, someone was here. They left me a present."

"I know. We're on our way," she said quickly. "Do you know what's on the disc?"

"Not yet."

"Watch it. We'll be there soon."

I turned to Isabella. Fear and confusion were etched on her face.

"Edward, what the hell is going on?"

"Someone was here tonight," I said, pulling her into the living room.

"Outside the house?"

"Yes."

"Watching us?"

"Probably."

"The killer."

"I think so."

"Oh...God."

"I won't let them hurt you," I said quickly, forcing her to look at me. "No one is ever going to lay a finger on you. Do you understand me?"

She nodded and gestured to the disc.

"Give it to me," she ordered, taking it from me and inserting it into the DVD player.

The flat-screen blinked to life and after a few moments of static, a face appeared on the screen, perfect white teeth flashing in a brilliant smile.

"_Hello, Edward."_

Isabella gasped and grabbed my arm.

"Holy shit, Edward. _Please_ tell me that's not your ex-girlfriend."

...

* * *

**Author Notes**

**Oh...bugger. Aborted BJ and now this? Damn you, mysterious killer who may or may not be Tanya!**

**WindowWard has his own Twilighted thread. Posting hot pics there is optional but highly recommended.**

**http:/www(.)twilighted(.)net/forum/viewtopic(.)php?f=33&t=8152&sid=&p=1072675#p1072675**

**(Don't forget to remove the brackets from the dots.)**

**People often ask about my update schedule. Well, I don't really have one. The chapters happen when WindowWard deigns to grace me with his words, and quite frankly, he's extremely unreliable. But please know I get you the chapters as quickly as I possibly can, even if it doesn't feel like it.**

**I'm on Twitter if you want to chat or partake of my obscenely large RobPorn collection. Cum play.**

**Wanna review? Oh, alright then.**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya **


	12. Freeze Frame

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable Grizzzly. She's my rock, my anchor, my hot-titted princess.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight character names belong to Stephanie Meyer. All characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details belong to the respective author. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization.**

**Last chapter: A mysterious DVD was found hanging in Edward's favorite tree. Will it reveal the identity of the murderer? Read on and find out.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 12 - Freeze Frame**

The flat-screen blinked to life, and after a few moments of static, a face appeared on the screen, perfect white teeth flashing in a brilliant smile.

"_Hello, Edward."_

Isabella gasped and grabbed my arm.

"Holy shit, Edward. _Please_ tell me that's not your ex-girlfriend."

I would have loved to tell her that the ethereally beautiful face on the screen wasn't Tanya, but unfortunately, it was.

Seeing her confirmed what I'd feared - that she was responsible for the murders. I really didn't think she was capable of it, but obviously I was wrong.

"Yes," I mumbled. "That's Tanya."

"Oh dear God," Isabella said in a small voice, and I didn't need to read her mind to know what she was thinking.

"Isabella, all vampires are beautiful."

"Not that beautiful," she muttered.

I wanted to reassure her that Tanya's beauty was nothing compared to her own, but at the moment it was more important to watch the DVD.

The time stamp on the screen indicated that the video was shot over a month ago. I frowned and wondered why she waited so long to send it to me.

_"Oh, Edward,"_ Tanya sighed, "_why is it that out of the countless number of men I've been with in my existence, you're the only one I couldn't have? Why, when I finally find someone who stimulates me intellectually as well as sexually, does he use a line I've heard throughout human history but never thought I'd actually experience: 'It's not you, it's me'?"_

"You said that to her?" Isabella asked as she pressed the 'pause' button and looked at me incredulously.

"Yes."

"No wonder she's pissed."

"I'd never broken up with someone before," I said defensively. "It seemed appropriate. Plus, it was true."

"And you couldn't think of something more original?"

"Well at the time I couldn't really say, 'I'm sorry Tanya but the reason I can't be with you is because what I'm really looking for in a woman is someone whose blood and body drives me so insane with lust I have to deny the constant urge to fuck her and drink her', could I?"

"She might have understood."

"I doubt it. I still don't understand it."

"Me either."

"Please, Isabella, we need to hear what she has to say."

"Fine."

She pressed 'play' and Tanya continued.

_"And__ you know what, Edward? I've been asking myself some questions: Am I bitter because I felt something for you that you couldn't return? Am I furious because if you weren't so emotionally deficient, we could have spent centuries exploring each other's bodies and exchanging endless, tireless pleasure? Or is the real reason because I've never, in the thousand years I've walked this earth, been rejected by a man?"_

The image paused again.

"Isabella..." I groaned and considered forcibly taking the remote-control from her.

"She's a _thousand_ years old?" she sputtered.

"Yes."

"One THOUSAND?"

"One-thousand-and-nine, actually."

"Holy Jesus! And I thought _you_ were a cradle robber. She's, like, nine hundred years older than you!"

"Age is irrelevant when you're immortal, Isabella."

"It's gross."

"If you say so."

"Don't you think so?"

"Most people would think that you sleeping with a man old enough to be your great-great-grandfather is gross too.

"That's different."

"How?"

"Have you seen yourself?"

"Can we talk about this later."

"Edward, she's a THOUSAND!"

"Please press 'play'."

"Fine."

Tanya started again.

_"For my entire existence, my allure to men has been the one constant. Even when I was human, men would battle each other to please me. They'd give me whatever my heart desired because of how I looked...how I could make them feel."_

"Egotistical much?" Isabella mumbled.

"Shh."

_"For a thousand years men have provided me with anything I asked of them: their love, their wealth, their blood. All given freely. Some even begged me to take their lives, thinking I was an angel sent to deliver them to heaven when all I offered them was a quick death to appease my hunger."_

Isabella sighed loudly.

Tanya tilted her head and leaned forward.

_"But you, Edward? The one man I actually saw as my equal? Who I wanted more than any other? You saw fit to cast me aside like I was worthless. Expendable."_

"That's because he has some taste," Isabella whispered.

I sighed but kept my eyes on the screen.

_"So, you see, Edward, these are the questions I've been pondering in the months since you left me. And do you know the conclusion I came to? I have no idea why I feel so resentful about what happened between us. _

_"Do I think I loved you? Maybe. I certainly think I loved the idea of you. The idea that I'd found someone with whom to share eternity was seductive, and it infuriates me that you took that away from me without any remorse. I've often devastated men by leaving them and breaking their hearts. I never expected the shoe to be on the other foot."_

"Suck it up, lady," Isabella mumbled. "Your loss is my gain."

_"So, whether I'm hurt because I truly felt something__, or simply because I want what I can't have, the sting of rejection is the same, and although I should be above the pettiness of unrequited emotion, I'm not. It hurts, and it makes me want to hurt you in return."_

Is that why you killed those people, Tanya? To satisfy your need to hurt me?

_"I must admit, I've considered many scenarios about how to exact my revenge. I've probably spent too many hours devising ways to make you suffer, but when one has infinite time on their hands, a few weeks spent plotting the demise of an ex-lover is hardly anything__, is it?"_

God, Tanya. This isn't you. What the hell is going on?

Her coven consisted of the only other vegetarian vampires I knew of, and like us, they chose to feast on animals because they valued the sanctity of human life. I couldn't comprehend how my leaving her could have possibly skewed her beliefs so severely that she'd resort to killing again simply to antagonize me. The wrongness of the thought squirmed uncomfortably in my mind.

_"Will I ever implement any of my nefarious schemes against you? I doubt it."_

What?

_"I've decided __not to invest any more time in a man who's made it abundantly clear he doesn't want me. I don't see the point. Not when there are many, _many_ men who are more than willing to covet what you threw away."_

All right, now I'm confused.

_"I doubt I'll even send this to you," -_ if you didn't deliver it to me, then who did? -_ "but simply recording it has given me some sense of closure. You'll always be the one who got away, Edward, and although I wish things could have been different between us, they're not, so I'm going to accept that and move on, and stop wasting my time on bitterness and regret._

_"Still, I sincerely hope you're miserable somewhere. I'm fairly certain you are. Happiness was never one of your strong suits."_

Isabella paused again, and for once I didn't mind.

"Edward, what the hell?"

I shook my head.

"I'm as confused as you are."

"But if it's not her, then who is it? And why bother sending this to you?"

I had a bad feeling the remainder of the DVD might hold the answer.

I also had a bad feeling Isabella shouldn't be present.

"Isabella, I want you to go back upstairs."

"Why?"

I paused.

"Edward?"

"Would you please just do it?"

"You don't want me to see what else is on here. Why?"

"I have a bad feeling."

"I can handle it."

"I don't want you to."

"Tough. If it involves you, then it involves me."

"Do you always have to be so damn stubborn?"

"Apparently."

"Fine. Continue."

Tanya started moving again. She smiled into the camera, and a male voice said, _"Is that it?"_

All right. Who are you, asshole?

_"Yes,"_ she replied, sighing and standing so that her head was out of frame.

_"Do you feel better?"_

_"Yes, I think I do."_

_"See? I knew you would. He's not worth pining for."_

_"You're right. About so many things."_

_"Would you like me to distract you?"_

_"Absolutely."_

Suddenly, another person came into frame. A man.

No, not a man. A monster wearing a man's skin, just like me.

They embraced and even though their faces couldn't be seen, it was obvious from their bodies and the sounds they were making that they were kissing.

Their actions quickly became more passionate and soon they'd removed each other's clothes in a frenzy of grasping hands and ripped fabric. Snarls and growls emanated from the flatscreen as a now-naked Tanya was bent over the large armchair she was sitting in minutes before as her monster fucked her roughly from behind.

"Oh, Jesus," Isabella breathed as she watched Tanya and her lover partake in frantic and violent vampire-sex.

"You don't have to watch," I said as the male grabbed Tanya's arms and pulled them behind her, making her squeal in either pleasure or pain. For Tanya, they were closely related.

"Edward, did you ever...do that...with her?"

_Yes._

"Not...exactly..."

"Did you hurt her, like he is?"

_Yes_.

"Isabella..."

"Did you enjoy hurting her?"

_Yes_.

"There's a lot about Tanya you don't understand..."

"Do you want to fuck me like that?"

_God, yes._

"No. I don't want to ever hurt you."

_Part of me does. Part of me wants to hurt you very badly._

I didn't want to be reminded of the things I did with Tanya. I was a different person then, desperately trying to find satisfaction where there was none to be found. Tanya begged me to do things that forced me to unleash the full magnitude of my beast. She wanted me feral, and primal, and out–of-control. The beast was in heaven. I was in hell.

The monster on the screen was giving her what she wanted. He was fucking her like an animal, grunting and snarling, and pawing at her roughly.

But it was too rough. Too feral.

Tanya's screams were getting more and more strident. There was definitely more pain than pleasure in the sound.

"Edward..."

"I know."

He gripped her wrists in one hand and pushed her head into the seat of the chair, and I heard the telltale crack of rending vampire-flesh as he yanked her arms up at an impossible angle.

Tanya begged him to stop.

He didn't.

"Edward, what's going on?"

"Isabella, look away."

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

She turned just as the monster grabbed Tanya's hair and wrenched her head back. He roared through his orgasm before sinking his teeth into her neck and tearing her head from her body. A splintering crack echoed through the room as Tanya's cries were immediately silenced.

_You __asshole!_

I could see her face, her eyes glassy and cold, her head dangling from his hand, her face beautiful, still and frozen. He dropped her head onto the chair and it bounced slightly, her hair covering her jagged neck.

Isabella turned to me and I tried to hide my violent anger.

"He killed her, didn't he?"

"Yes."

I ground my teeth to stop myself from screaming with fury.

"Oh, God. Edward, I'm sorry."

_Not as sorry as that prick's going to be when I get my hands on him._

I swallowed my venom as I watched the monster on the screen sigh and drop Tanya's body. He strode toward the camera and bent down so I could finally see his face clearly.

I hissed in recognition.

_No. __It's not possible._

Handsome features. Long blonde hair. Psychotic grin on his face.

_"Hello, Edward. Wow. What a rush. I often think I'll get tired of killing, but you know what? I never do."_

_I killed him. He's dead. He's been dead for over fifty years._

_"I bet you're surprised to see me__, considering you drained my blood and left me to die in an alley. Well, obviously you didn't quite finish the job. But your venom did. I guess I should thank you for giving me eternal life. For allowing me to continue to kill without fear of capture or consequence. But somehow, I can't bring myself to be grateful to you."_

Isabella turned to look at the screen.

"Edward..."

I raised my hand, silencing her. I was too shocked to speak.

_"I've spent a lot of years cursing you, Edward. Blaming you for what I had become...for my...actions when I was turned...and I decided I should finally do something about it, so here I am."_

He looked back over his shoulder where I could still see the back of Tanya's head as it lay on the chair.

_"I'm sorry I had to kill Tanya,"_ he sighed, _"but realistically, anyone who was as intimately connected with you as she was, had to die. I'm sure you understand. You see, I intend on killing everyone you care about, plus a few you don't, just to keep it interesting."_

He smiled and I clenched my fists at my side to avoid pulverizing his sickening image on the screen.

_"This is exciting, isn't it? Aren't you just quivering with anticipation? Or is that just me?"_

"Edward..." I vaguely registered Isabella's hand on my arm, but I couldn't look away from the screen.

His smug face smirked as he sighed and clapped his hands together.

_"Well, I'd better get moving. You're not going to make your own life a misery are you? And I have so much fun planned for us."_

He reached forward and I heard a flicking sound. A lighter came into frame and he threw it carelessly over his shoulder, igniting Tanya's remains in a blaze of orange and yellow.

He took a moment to admire the flames before turning back to the camera and smiling.

_"Oops. I don't think I'm getting my security deposit back on this room, __huh? Oh well. I'd better get out of here before it gets too warm. I'll see you soon, Edward. Give my regards to your family. I intend on becoming very well-acquainted with them all."_

The screen went dead and I grunted with the effort of not smashing every piece of furniture in the room in an absolute rage.

Suddenly, Isabella was in front of me, stroking my face, forcing me to look at her.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"No."

"What can I do?"

"Nothing."

She hugged me tightly, and as her warmth pressed against me, my tension loosened a little. She stroked my back and whispered small, soothing words, comforting and calming me.

"So," she said eventually when my trembling had stopped, "it was him all along? Not Tanya?"

"Yes."

"Now, don't freak out, but...I've seen him before."

I pulled back and my eyes snapped to hers.

"Where?"

"At the diner. He came in a few times last week. Only ordered coffee, but never drank it."

"Did he talk to you?"

"A little. He was very friendly."

"I bet," I mumbled as my hatred for him filled my entire body with a fresh wave of white-hot rage.

He'd been to the diner. Talking to Isabella. _My_ Isabella. His filthy murderer's eyes looking at her. His disgusting cesspool of a mind thinking about her. Plotting against her.

I swallowed another massive rush of venom.

He'd killed Tanya. No doubt he also wanted to kill Isabella.

_Motherfucker._

My hands itched to rip him apart, one small, agonizing piece at a time. I wanted to destroy him so completely that no one would even be able to testify that he existed.

Isabella felt my rage and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into her again. I buried my face in her hair, inhaling her incredible scent and squeezing my eyes shut against the countless horrific tortures I wanted to inflict on that smirking bastard.

She ran her fingers through my hair, trying to distract me. It was a losing battle.

A wave of nausea washed over me at the thought of her dying for my mistake.

I couldn't lose her. I couldn't.

I felt sick about losing Tanya, but Isabella? No. Cannot.

It would kill me.

I felt the approaching minds of my family and let out a long sigh. I needed them to help keep her safe.

_Edward, we're here._

I grabbed a blanket off the couch and wrapped it around Isabella's shoulders before grabbing her and racing outside.

"Are Esme and Rose here yet?" I asked as I looked around at their faces.

"No," Alice replied, "they're still on the road."

I quickly dialed Esme's number.

She answered almost immediately.

"Edward?"

"Don't stop. Stay together. If a blonde male vampire approaches you, kill him."

"Edward, what's going on?"

"I'll explain when you get here. Please, Esme, just be careful."

"All right. We'll see you in a few hours."

I hung up and Carlisle touched my shoulder.

"Edward, what's on the disc?"

I turned to Isabella.

"Take them inside and play it for them. Don't leave their sight."

It was only when I nearly gasped from the heat of her hand on my chest that I realized I was still semi-naked, only wearing Charlie's sweat pants.

"Where are you going?" she asked, her face frowning and concerned.

"To find him."

"_Him_? A _male_ blonde vampire? What's going on?" Jas asked, perplexed.

"Alice, fill them in," I said as I stepped away from them.

"Edward," she said, grabbing my arm, "I don't know all the details. Only that he's someone you thought you'd killed."

"I'll explain everything soon," I snapped in frustration, "but he could be here. Now. I need to try and find him."

"Then Jas and I will help you, bro," Emmett said, obviously bristling for a fight. "We'll cover more ground together."

"If he sees the two of you, he'll run," I said, raking my fingers through my hair. "He wants me alone. Stay here and protect Isabella."

Isabella stepped in front of me.

"Edward, you can't go after him by yourself. He wants to kill you."

"No, he wants to hurt me. Taunt me. He'll only play his game if I'm alone. I'll be fine," I assured them all.

"And what if you're wrong?" Isabella insisted, her fingers curling into my arm.

"I'm not!"

"Edward," Carlisle said calmly, "I think one of us should go with you."

"He won't show himself if you're with me."

"And maybe you're walking straight into a trap," Alice offered.

"I don't have time to argue about this!" I yelled. "That asshole's out there somewhere and I need to find him. He killed Tanya for God's sake!"

A heavy moment of silence hung in the air as my family exchanged looks with one other. Tanya was like family to all of us. The concept of painful revenge flashed through everyone's minds, none more than my own.

I started to walk away. Carlisle's hand on my arm stopped me.

"Son," he said softly, "I think maybe you need to think about this."

"No, Carlisle," I said coldly, "what I need to do is find this prick and tear him to pieces. Take Isabella inside. Watch the DVD. I'll be back soon. Please don't follow me."

Without waiting to see the look of disapproval on his face, I took off into the woods, following my instincts more than my senses. I scanned the trees, wet and glistening after the storm. I quickly found a vague trail in the wet undergrowth and followed it. He'd left it on purpose. He wanted to be found.

A few minutes after I'd started running, I heard his voice.

"Stop!"

I froze and looked around. He appeared from behind a tree, about a hundred yards in front of me; pale and malevolent in the half-light, looking at me with wary eyes.

"Hello, James," I said, moving toward him and trying to keep the boiling rage out of my voice.

"Stay where you are," he warned, his body tensed to flee.

"I just want to talk," I reassured him as I stopped moving, even though I was barely suppressing the urge to pounce on him and dismember him savagely.

"You didn't bring your cheerleading-squad?" he asked, looking behind me.

"I didn't think you would approve."

"Clever."

"I like to think so."

"Not as clever as I am, though."

"That remains to be seen."

"I guess it does."

I took a step forward and he mirrored me, his lips forming a snarl.

"Don't push your luck, Edward. One false move and this conversation ends, and if I disappear, you won't be able to track me."

"I noticed. How exactly do you mask your scent?"

He smiled, his teeth white and gleaming.

"You remember how hard it was to track me when I was human? Well it seems that has translated into a special ability in my new life."

"Handy for a murderer."

"Extremely."

"I also can't read your mind."

"Yes you can. I just block you out."

"How?"

"Mental discipline. I've been practicing for decades in preparation for meeting you one day. I couldn't have your pesky ability ruining things for me, now could I?"

"How did you know about my ability?"

"Oh, Edward, don't you know? You're famous. Every vampire in the continental U.S is aware of the Cullens and their all-powerful coven. It didn't take me long to track your family to Alaska, but by the time I got there, you were gone. It was just fortunate that I overheard a phone-call one night between your sister and the lovely Tanya, or I wouldn't have known where you'd gone."

"Then why didn't you come straight here? Why bother involving Tanya?"

He smiled again and I pushed down the furious growl building in my chest.

"Edward, as famous as you are, Tanya is equally so. How could I possibly pass up the opportunity to win her affections through our mutual dislike of you?"

"Tanya didn't dislike me."

He chuckled.

"By the time I was finished with her she did. I'd go so far as to say she hated you."

This time I couldn't stop the growl that rumbled through me.

"You realize I'm going to make you suffer for killing her, right?"

He laughed.

"Now, why would you want to do that? I simply removed her presence so you'd be free to fondle your food in peace."

"Isabella isn't _food_."

His smile faded, giving way to a hard, predatory coldness.

"Yes she is, and you're an idiot if you think otherwise. You think you can resist her blood forever?"

"Yes."

"I beg to differ. Especially if, for some reason, she started bleeding profusely in front of you. She's your singer, Edward. For God's sake, you'd devour her without thinking twice. I'm looking forward to watching that."

I imagined ripping the smug grin off his face, starting with his lips.

"It'll never happen," I snarled. "I'll never hurt her."

"So you say now. We'll see."

My body was shaking with anger. He was supremely confident he could make me kill Isabella. I was supremely confident I could make him suffer for months if I got my hands on him. Maybe years.

Of course, getting my hands on him was easier said than done.

I pushed my mind against his, trying to break though whatever barrier he'd erected. He chuckled darkly.

"I can feel you, you know? Trying to penetrate my mind. Are you so desperate to know what I'm thinking, Edward?"

"Yes."

"Then here's a taste."

Suddenly, dozens of images bombarded me; some memories, some not: Isabella at the diner, bending over him as she served him coffee; the crush of bodies at Volterra, him watching as I crossed the dance floor to get to her; me and Isabella making love in the meadow, writhing and moaning together; and finally, my head bent over Isabella's neck as we both groaned in satisfaction, screaming anguish echoing in my throat while I drained her.

I pulled my mind away and gasped. The image stayed with me, taunting and tantalizing. Arousing and horrific.

"It's hideous, isn't it? Thinking about draining the life out of the one person who makes your existence worthwhile? I know _exactly_ how it feels, and I think paying it forward is only just."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"After you tried to kill me, do you know that I managed to stagger home before fully succumbing to the change? It wasn't easy, but I made it. For three days I endured the most excruciating pain imaginable, and throughout the entire ordeal the thought that kept me from going insane was the image of my wife. And my son. They arrived home from visiting her parents on the last day of the change. I was vaguely aware of Victoria being there...fussing over me...but I wouldn't let her call an ambulance. I knew whatever was happening was almost over. I prayed that I could hold on, and she wouldn't have to watch me die. I prayed to anyone that would listen to let me get well enough to hold her again...to cuddle my boy again. And do you know what? My prayers were answered.

"I woke up to a whole new world, filled with power and strength and agonizing thirst, and the first thing I did was crush my wife to me as I tore out her throat and consumed her."

I closed my eyes against the images that he was pushing toward me. His wife - beautiful...concerned. Flaming red hair framing her face as she bent over him, distressed by his blazing-red eyes as they opened. Scared by the sounds he made as he smelled her. Trying to flee from the room as she saw the monster he'd become. Screaming at him to stop as he buried his teeth in her throat and sucked her dry.

"The anguish I felt when her heart stopped was all-encompassing. I tried to stop...God, I've never tried so hard to do anything in my entire life...but I couldn't. I knew I was killing her, but her blood...I needed it. I loved her more than anything...and I killed her. Despite all my sins...all my vile, murderous proclivities...she was my angel. My salvation. And then my son...the only good thing I'd achieved in my whole shitty life, came to see why Mommy was screaming."

I saw the image of a boy...no older than four...looking up at his father and dead mother with wide, innocent eyes. Confused. Too trusting to be scared, even as his father picked him up and shoved his still-dripping face into his tiny neck.

"Stop," I groaned as I squeezed him out of my mind. I couldn't take any more.

"So, you see Edward, I owe you so much. It's because of you my wife and son are dead, and thanks to my perfect vampire memory, I relive the agony of killing them every day."

"Why didn't you seek me out sooner? You must have wanted to."

"Of course I did, but until recently, I had no idea who you were. The only memory I had of my attacker was your hand wrenching my head to the side before feeling the agony of your teeth in my neck. For years I've been trying to find out your identity. Finally, I ran into a vampire who'd encountered you during your vigilante escapades. Laurent. He told me all about the famous Cullen clan, and then, well, I couldn't wait to meet you. And now, here we are."

"I didn't know I turned you," I said. "It was a mistake. As heinous as your crimes were, I would never have sentenced you to this life."

"No. I don't suppose you would have. But that's because you spend your infinite days trying to deny what you really are. I don't. Being a vampire isn't a curse, Edward. It's a liberation. You're just too emotional to see that."

"Maybe I am, but I can't help feeling regret for what happened to your family. It's sincerely tragic, and you're right to blame me. I can't ever undo my mistake, James, but please know that I'm sorry."

"I have no doubt you are, but your apology does nothing to appease me."

"And what will appease you?"

"Seeing the look on your face as you kill the woman _you_ love."

_Of course that's what he wants. An eye for an eye. His wife and son for Isabella._

"Forget it. Not going to happen. I'd rather kill myself."

"Well, that's not nearly as much fun," he said, frowning. "If you do that, Edward...if you deny me my revenge in such a cowardly way, I'll make sure _she_ suffers the pain meant for you. I'll keep her alive for days, and you know I could do it. I'm a master of inflicting pain. I could make her beg for death a thousand times and still find new ways to hurt her. So please, no more thoughts of suicide, for her sake."

The thought of him laying one, disgusting finger on her made my whole body vibrate with suppressed violence.

"I'm going to end you," I snarled through gritted teeth.

"I'm sure you're going to try."

"I could kill you right now. I'm faster than you. What's to stop me?"

"Do you really think I hadn't considered your speed when I showed myself to you? Do you think I don't have an insurance policy?"

"Such as?"

He chuckled, obviously pleased with himself.

"In exactly one minute, Chief Swan's alarm clock will go off, and when it does he's going to wake to discover that he's lying next to the next victim of the Forks serial killer. Oh, and do you know what the victim will be wearing? A shirt that has 'E.A.M. Cullen' neatly printed on the tag. How are you going to explain that?"

I narrowed my eyes. It was possible. He did steal my clothes.

_Now would be a _really_ good time to be able to read his mind._

I tried.

Nothing.

Of course.

"You're bluffing."

"Am I? By all means then, stay here and keep talking. Time will tell. Forty-five seconds to go."

I hesitated. His mind was closed, his face impassive.

"Forty seconds. How fast can you run, Edward?"

"Fuck."

"Don't worry," he said smugly, "we'll see each other again. Soon."

I grunted in frustration as I grabbed my phone from my pocket and dialed Alice. By the time I looked up again, he was gone.

I sprinted back toward the house.

Alice answered the phone with panic in her voice.

"Are you okay?"

"Alice, go upstairs to the Chief's bedroom. Grab the alarm clock and disable it."

There was a pause, and a second later, "Done."

"What do you see?"

"Uh...a snoring police chief."

"No dead body?"

"No."

"Search the room."

"I smell something. Not human."

I reached the house just as she said, "Oh, God."

I hung up as I opened the front door and raced up the stairs. Alice was standing in front of the Chief's open closet. She was holding a dismembered hand. I immediately recognized the ring on the middle finger. It was Tanya's hand. There was a small card attached to the severed wrist with a red satin ribbon.

"What does it say?" I asked, feeling equal parts nauseated and violently angry.

"It says, 'I was bluffing, Edward. This time. Thanks for playing. Dearest Alice, Tanya says hi.'"

...

"Who the hell is this guy?" Alice spat as she paced the Swan's living room. "Because he's really starting to piss me off."

I turned and looked at my family, all of them standing around Isabella with tense body language and concerned faces, and I wondered what, exactly, Chief Swan would think if he knew there was a vampire council-of-war currently happening in his living room.

Everyone was looking at me expectantly. Especially Isabella.

I exhaled. I knew I had no choice but to explain what was going on but I hadn't exactly told her about my past activities. She knew I'd killed people, but she didn't know I used to feed on the vilest and most depraved criminals I could find so I could at least pretend to be perpetrating something more noble than murder.

I wasn't, of course.

Yes, I fed on bad people. Evil people who society was better off without. But I sentenced them all to death. No trial, and no evidence to be judged by a jury of their peers. I executed them based on the knowledge of the disgusting acts I plucked from their minds or witnessed firsthand, and I did it with a smile on my face, because it was the perfect excuse for me to feed the beast.

My sentence was consistent and non-negotiable.

Death.

Not life-imprisonment with a chance at penance and rehabilitation. No chance to serve time for their crimes and have their loved ones visit them behind bullet-proof glass once a week. None of that. Death. Every time. Rapists...pedophiles...murderers. All met with the same end, courtesy of my bloodlust and endless justifications.

James was one of the worst I'd encountered, and if there was anyone who should never have been granted eternal life, it was him.

"Dude," Emmett said loudly, breaking me out of my thoughts, "could you do your emo crap later and spill some details sometime this century so we can plan how dead we're gonna make this guy?"

I sighed and told them what I knew.

"His name is James Vine. He was a serial killer I hunted in the sixties."

Alice's brow furrowed.

"You turned him?"

"No. Well, yes, obviously, but I didn't mean to. I didn't know I had until tonight."

"Dude, how could you not know you turned him?" Emmett asked, shaking his head. "Isn't it kinda obvious when they start to convulse and writhe in pain?"

Isabella looked at him and frowned.

_Excellent, Em. Thanks for giving the woman I desperately want to turn that horrifying mental image._

"I'd been hunting him for weeks," I began, knowing that nothing I said could truly justify my mistake, "and when I eventually found him I was starving and desperate. And careless. I didn't observe any of the safeguards I usually employed when feeding like getting him to a secluded location and making sure we wouldn't be disturbed. I couldn't deny my thirst any longer, so I dragged him into an alley near his apartment just as he was heading off to claim his next victim. I was starving to the point of distraction and didn't realize that we were about to be discovered until it was too late. I quickly finished and dropped his body, then retreated to the rooftops and listened for his heartbeat. When I didn't hear one, I assumed he was dead."

"So, he's angry at you for making him a vampire?" Isabella asked.

"Not exactly," I said, feeling ill as the images of what he did to his family flared inside my brain. "He...somehow he made it back to his apartment before the change, and..."

_Red hair. Worried eyes. Chubby, trusting fingers framing his face. A tiny gurgling cry followed by silence._

I squeezed my eyes shut to block out his memories.

I felt body heat in front of me, and Isabella took my hands gently. I didn't want her to. They had too much blood on them.

I was already full of so much regret and guilt for my past actions that eternity wouldn't be long enough to purge it all. Knowing that two completely innocent beings died because I was too hungry and careless to make sure James was dead was simply one more layer of 'unforgivable' to add to my impressive collection.

"Edward?"

"He had a wife and young son," I whispered, opening my eyes to her beautiful face.

She looked confused. My family didn't. The shockwave of their thoughts rammed into me, making me feel even more hideously guilty.

"Oh, God," Alice muttered.

A look of horrifying realization spread across Isabella's face.

"He...killed them?"

I nodded.

"Why would he do that?" she whispered. "I mean, he...I know he was a murderer…but…his family?"

"Bella, when you awake from the change," Carlisle explained, "the bloodlust is overwhelming. It robs you of all logic and reason. James wouldn't have been able to control himself. As soon as he smelled their blood, he would have acted on instinct and drained them immediately."

Isabella swallowed hard and I knew she was sickened by the thought. I couldn't blame her.

_Yet another stellar reason for her to decline my generous offer to bring her into my miserable way of life._

"So now he's out for revenge," Jasper stated as he wrapped his arm around Alice protectively, "and he wants to play some games along the way."

"Game-playing was always part of his pattern," I said. "After he abducted his victims, he would taunt their families, leaving them fake clues and ransom notes. Then he would arrange the final 'exchange' and watch from a distance as they found the victim's mutilated body."

Isabella took a deep breath.

"Do I want to know what he did to them?"

"No. You really don't."

"How many people did he kill?"

"Fourteen."

"Jesus."

"It would have been more if I hadn't stopped him. The police were chasing their tails in the investigation. He gave them just enough clues to suspect him, but not enough to arrest him. He loved outsmarting them. He reveled in it."

"So he was difficult to hunt as a human, and now he's impossible to track as a vamp?" Alice guessed correctly.

"Exactly. He can also close his mind to me, so finding him through his thoughts is a dead-end."

"So then how do we catch the asshole?" Emmett asked with his trademark tact. "No scent. No bat-signal brain. No ability to know what he's gonna do next. What are we supposed to do? Put an ad on Craigslist and hope he answers it?"

I could see it now:

_'Vegetarian vampire coven seeks psychopathic, murdering asshole to annihilate. Must have no scent and be immune to psychic invasion. Screaming in agony before being torn apart preferable__, but not essential. Being called 'James' a definite advantage. Only serious vengeful vamps need apply.'_

Carlisle turned to me.

"Edward, based on his past actions and your conversation with him tonight, do you have any idea what he may be planning?"

I glanced at Isabella, unsure how much I should say in front of her.

She sighed in frustration.

"Edward, just freaking say it. I'm not stupid. I know he probably wants to kill me as payback for his wife and child. You're not protecting me by keeping me in the dark. If we're going to catch this guy, then we all need to be on the same page with the same information.

I knew she was right, but the intense protective instinct I had for her didn't make telling her the truth easy.

"You're part of his plan," I admitted, "but _he_ doesn't plan on killing you."

My family immediately started mentally hypothesizing about his plans for Bella, but Alice was the one who nailed his intentions.

"If he doesn't want to kill me," Isabella said slowly, "then what does he want to do with me?"

"He wants Edward to kill you," Alice answered with dawning horror in her voice.

My family all turned to me for confirmation. I nodded.

"But...Edward, you wouldn't...I mean...how could he make you do that?"

Isabella looked up at me and I hated that I saw doubt in her eyes. What's more, I hated that her doubt was completely and absolutely warranted.

"Quite easily," I said, ashamed of the truth. "All he'd need to do was open one of your veins in front of me. I wouldn't be able to resist your blood. I can barely resist it now when it's safely inside your body."

She stepped away from me and looked at her feet, nodding.

"Of course. He wants you to kill me like he killed his wife. Nice. Good revenge plan."

"It's not going to happen," I tried to assure her, as I went and rested my hands on her shoulders. "He's not going to get close enough to you to lay one finger on you. One of us will be with you at all times."

Her eyes came back to mine, and there was a dull sheen of resignation that I didn't like. At all.

"Sure. Excellent. Vampire bodyguards. For how long?"

"Until we catch him."

"Which may be never."

"No. He'll make a mistake. We'll find a way."

"You know," Alice said carefully, "there's one sure-fire way to ruin James' plan."

Her thoughts became clear and my head snapped up.

"No, Alice."

"Edward, we should talk about it."

"No, 'we' shouldn't. Isabella and I should talk about it. Privately."

"You're hardly one to extol the virtues of vampirism, dear brother. You're the most miserable vampire I know." She shot a quick glance at Isabella. "Until recently, of course."

"Alice..."

"Holy shit, Alice is right," Emmett said enthusiastically. "If we turn Bells she could rip James apart the second he comes anywhere near her. He couldn't compete with her as a badass newborn."

Isabella's eyes were growing wider with every second.

"Would everyone please shut the hell up and get out," I said as politely as my growing anger would permit. "We're not discussing this now. Isabella is going to bed."

"I am?"

"Yes. You are."

"Okay, great."

She suddenly looked unbelievably tired.

"You're coming with me, though, right?"

"Of course," I assured her.

She nodded and gave me a small smile, but as strong as she tried to appear, I could tell that she was scared. To be honest, I was scared for her.

_"Maybe you should discuss her possible change once she's had some rest,"_ Carlisle thought. _"It's really a decent solution - if she agrees to it. But this is a lot for her to handle. Alice can stay with her if you need to hunt."_

I shook my head. I did need to hunt but there was no way I was leaving her right now, at least until she fell asleep.

"Em and I will patrol," Jasper said, sensing my unease. "He's not going to get in here tonight. Or ever. Don't worry, Bella."

Isabella smiled at him, and in that moment, she look so young. Trusting and tired and teenaged.

For the innumerable time since I started having feelings for her, I wondered if dragging her into my world was the right thing to do. If I hadn't started crawling through her window, effectively ruining both of us for other people, her life would have, no doubt, continued as it was - boring and predictable, but with substantially less threat of being eaten by her undead boyfriend, or terrorized by her undead boyfriend's murderous creation.

I would like to think that had I known something like this was going to happen, I would have been man enough to walk away from her. If I'd done it before she found out I was real, she'd be none-the-wiser. She would have thought her erotic dreams had simply stopped and would still be tolerating idiot-Jacob's clumsy lovemaking.

I, of course, would be in purgatory, because even if I did have the strength to walk away, which I severely doubted, I could never forget her, and I would never be satisfied with another woman. I would be haunted by the memory of her and what we could've had together; always with the echo of her heartbeat in my mind, begging me to return and claim what was rightfully mine.

Luckily, I didn't have to make that choice. Her heartbeat was right in front of me. Strong and perfect. I could reach out and feel it pulsing under her skin if I wanted to.

And I wanted to. I always wanted to.

I palmed her cheek gently and ran my thumb over the soft skin, trailing my fingers down until they rested on the pounding vein in her neck. She leaned into me and sighed.

Touching her soothed the toxic anger that had been boiling inside me all night, and I suddenly wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with her and hold her in my arms.

"Why don't you go upstairs and get ready for bed?" I suggested softly. "Alice can go with you. I'll be up in a minute."

She nodded, and I watched as she ascended the stairs with my sister.

The men of the family got together and started making a new plan for patrolling and guarding Isabella before Carlisle made a quick phone call to Sam, informing him of the latest development. I heard Sam mutter profanity under his breath when Carlisle informed him that the murderer was an ex-victim of mine.

"Actually, Sam," Carlisle said, as Emmett and Jas left to patrol, "there's something else I want to talk to you about. Could you meet me at my house in the morning?"

"Uh...sure," Sam replied, sounding a little nervous. "You want to see just me? By myself?"

He still didn't trust us.

"Well, I need to speak with only you," Carlisle answered, shrugging, "but by all means if you're more comfortable bringing some pack members with you, then please feel free. All of you are more than welcome in our home."

I smirked to myself as I anticipated Esme's reaction to having dogs on the furniture.

Carlisle signed off and I looked at him quizzically.

"I want to see if he'll allow me to draw some of his blood," he said, picking up the sealed plastic bag that contained Tanya's hand.

"Why?"

"Because your reaction to it has been playing on my mind, and I'd like to run some experiments."

I knew the look on my father's face. He was excited by whatever theory was rolling around in his enormous brain and he was trying desperately not to show it. He was also keeping his thoughts purposefully obtuse.

"Carlisle," I admonished, "spill."

He shook his head and smiled.

"They're just theories at this stage. I'll let you know when I have something more solid. But if I'm right, it might give us a weapon to use against James."

I heard the faucet in the bathroom running, followed by Isabella brushing her teeth. I wanted to get up there and join her.

"You'll tell me more tomorrow?" I said, impatiently, looking at the stairs.

"Yes," he answered with a smile. "Go ahead. She needs you."

_I need her too._

He turned to leave, but I put my hand on his shoulder, stopping him. He turned to me and raised an eyebrow.

"Carlisle, could you...uh...could you call Irina and Kate? They need to know about Tanya."

"Of course."

"Please tell them I'm sorry."

He nodded and patted my shoulder.

"See you in the morning, son."

I bid him goodbye and dashed upstairs just as Isabella was exiting the bathroom. She crashed into my chest and my arms automatically wound around her as she stumbled.

"Jeez, you scared the shit out of me," she said nervously as she gripped my arms.

"I'm sorry," I replied, wiping a drop of water from her chin. "I...just...well..."

"You missed me," she stated simply.

"Yes."

"I was only away from you for five minutes."

"I know."

"You're completely whipped, you know that, right?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I am too. I missed you so damn much I was starting to freak out."

She ran her fingers over my jaw, and just that tiny, innocent action made my whole body come alive. Her eyes settled on my mouth and I marveled at how the intensity of her gaze could make me feel like I was starving for air, even though I hadn't needed to breathe for more than ninety years.

"You lips are so beautiful," she sighed, still gazing at them. I unconsciously licked them as I felt myself straining against my pants. No, not _my_ pants...Charlie's pants.

I was suddenly horribly uncomfortable.

Fortunately, Isabella started trailing her fingers over my chest and all at once everything that wasn't warm and soft and her ceased to concern me.

"I want to kiss you," I said quietly as I leaned down to savor the smell of her warm, minty breath. I stroked the skin between the bottom of her tank top and the top of her sleep shorts, and her heart pounded erratically, her breathing shallow and fast.

"Well, that's convenient," she whispered as she trailed her fingers across my lips, "because I want to be kissed."

"By me?"

"Always."

"See how perfect we are for each other?" I sighed as I pressed my lips against hers, inhaling sharply as the electricity of her skin sparked against mine.

We kissed as I slowly walked her backwards until she was pressed against the hallway wall. Her taste, the feel of her lips...it was intoxicating. Excruciating. Quickly driving me insane. She tugged at my hair before stroking down my jaw and neck, eventually settling on my chest which was expanding and contracting far too fast for a dead man.

I stroked her tongue with mine and the groan she emitted made every part of me want more.

Her movements became more frantic, her hips pressing into my erection, her hands fiery-hot and grasping at my body. I groaned as I pressed her further into the wall, but I knew I couldn't continue kissing her like this. It was too much and not enough all at the same time. I was too hungry and way too aroused to temper my strength as I needed to, and when one of her hands dipped into my pants, stroking my erection, I groaned and pulled away, swallowing mouthfuls of venom and wincing against the acid burn.

I leaned my forehead against hers as we both panted roughly.

"Too much?" she asked breathlessly, stroking my arms.

"Until I go and hunt, yes."

"Damn."

"Ditto."

I heard a less-than-subtle throat clearing and looked around to see Alice standing in the hallway, looking at us.

"So...I'll be going then," she said with a smile.

"Goodbye, Alice," I said, shaking my head at the ridiculous expression on my sister's face.

"I'll be outside, so just let me know when you need to hunt."

"Thank you."

Isabella held my hand and looked up at me.

"You're leaving now?"

"Later," I assured her. "After you're asleep. Alice will watch over you."

"Oh."

"You won't even know I'm gone."

"I'm pretty sure I will."

"I'll be quick."

"That's not a phrase I'm normally fond of, but in this context, I'll let it pass."

"Duly noted."

"Good."

I heard a giggle and looked back at Alice, who was grinning like an idiot.

"What?" I said impatiently.

"God, you two are so damn cute together it makes me giddy," she said excitedly.

"Goodbye, Alice," I said pointedly, pulling Isabella toward the bedroom.

"'Night," she chimed as I closed the door and steered Isabella toward the bed.

She crawled beneath the covers gratefully and I lay down beside her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against me. She laid her head on my bare chest and rested her hand over my heart, warm fingers moving slowly.

We both sighed at the same time.

"What a day, huh?" she said, with a distinct edge of tension in her voice.

"Are you okay?" I asked, rubbing her arm lightly.

"Uh huh."

"That doesn't sound too convincing."

"I don't know. I'm just...everything that's happened...with you...and the murders...and...everything. I want to be cool with it all and reassure you I'm not scared, but I am. And I'm scared for you too. I mean, this James guy is evil. Like, truly, psychotically evil, and he's made it his mission in life to hurt you. It makes me crazy just thinking about it. I want to protect you. I know that's kind of impossible, but I have this deep, violent need to protect you. How weird is that?"

"I don't think it's weird. I feel the same way about you."

"Yes, but the difference is, _you_ can actually do something about it, because you're all super-strong and whatever. There's not much I could do, except maybe flash my boobs and hope it distracted James long enough for you to kick his ass."

My whole body tensed.

"Isabella, don't even joke about flashing your breasts. Please. There would be no situation dire enough to warrant showing another man your magnificent chest."

"What if you were about to get killed or something?"

"Then by all means flash _me_, and at least I'd die gazing upon something beautiful."

She laughed, but there was tension in her face.

"Okay, I'll promise to keep the girls under wraps if you promise never to joke about dying again. That shit makes my chest hurt."

"Okay. Deal."

She ran her fingers down my ribcage, following the line of each rib.

"Your family thinks I should let you change me."

I sighed. I didn't think it was probably the best idea to discuss it right now, but she'd brought it up.

"Yes. James' whole plan revolves around me draining you. If you were changed that would no longer be an option. But it wouldn't stop him. He'd find another way to hurt me."

"But then I'd be strong too, right? I could help fight him?"

"Yes. You'd be stronger than all of us."

"Really?"

"Yes. Newborns are extremely powerful. But Isabella, wanting to protect me is no reason for you to choose this life. It needs to be for you, not for me." - _No matter how desperately I want you to._

She sighed and started tracing patterns on my chest. She didn't mean it to be arousing, but it was. Ridiculously so. Every piece of skin she touched blazed and tingled, and shot electrical impulses straight to my groin. I tried to ignore my aching erection and the increasing amount of venom streaming behind my teeth, but it wasn't easy.

She stayed silent for a long time, her breath fanning over my chest as she watched the path of her fingers.

"What are you thinking?" I finally asked, stilling her hand before I lost control and did something really stupid.

"About being changed."

"Yes?"

She sighed again and I swallowed nervously before saying, "I don't need you to make a decision right now, but, please...tell me what's going through your mind. It's extremely frustrating not being able to read you."

She turned to look up at me and started stroking my jaw.

"You have no idea how grateful I am that you can't read my mind," she said softly.

"Why?"

"Because I'm pretty sure if you knew the things I thought about doing to you, it would make your undead ass blush."

I smiled and stroked her hair.

"I doubt that. My ass rarely blushes. Besides, the things I fantasize about doing to you are far more perverted."

"Impossible."

_Oh, Isabella, unless you fantasize about killing me as you fuck me? Very possible._

"We'll revisit this discussion again one day when you're a vampire who has a pathological need to make love to the one human whose mouth-watering blood would take you to heaven and back."

Her smile faltered.

Oh. Damn.

Probably the completely wrong thing to say at the moment.

"Edward..."

"I'm sorry, Isabella. That was out-of-line. I didn't mean to assume you'd become a vampire one day. You may choose to never be changed, and that's your prerogative..."

"It's okay."

"No. It's not."

"Edward, shush."

I stopped talking, partly because she ordered me to, and partly because her hand was covering my mouth.

"I'm nineteen," she said softly. "I haven't been anywhere or seen anything. I've been working and saving my money to I could go to college next year. There's...God, there's so much I want to do...to experience...and as much as I know you're it for me and I'm never going to want to be with anyone else...I don't want my life to stop for you. Not yet, anyway. I don't want to be one of those girls who gives up everything for a man and then turns around one day and resents him for all the things she never did. I've seen it happen time and again. I saw it happen with my parents, and I never want that to be us."

I swallowed the tidal wave of disappointment washing over me.

Her thinking was sound. Logically I knew that. It didn't stop me from wishing her answer was different.

I always knew I was selfish as hell for insisting on being with her even when the beast screamed and pleaded for her blood, but experiencing James' memories tonight took my terror to a whole new level.

The images he showed me? That could be me, sobbing as I swallowed her life-essence, mouthful after glorious mouthful. It could be me being consumed by toxic guilt over destroying the one thing that made my life more than just shadows and creeping death. If James had his way, it _would_ be me, and as much as most of me found the image gut-wrenchingly traumatic, there was a small part...an insidious part...that told me it was what I deserved for persisting to be with her. Against all odds. Against the laws of nature.

James was a monster long before he became a vampire, but was I really any better than he was?

I wanted to rob her of her life for so many reasons: as an insurance policy against my lack of control, to allow her to stay with me for all time, as a cure-all for her fragility so I could kiss and hold and fuck her with all the abandon I craved. I wanted her to give up everything so I wouldn't have to.

I truly made myself sick.

"Are you okay?" she asked carefully, and I could tell I was frowning.

"Yes. I'm fine," I said, trying to sound sincere.

"No, you're not."

"No, I'm not, but I understand what you're saying, and you're right. Of course you're right, and I'm a selfish asshole. I want you forever, and the thought that I could," - _kill you_ - "lose you...is absolutely abhorrent to me."

She sighed and pushed herself up on one elbow so she could look down at me.

"Edward, I'm not saying I don't want to be changed, although, honestly, it does scare the hell out of me. All I'm saying is not right now. I need a few years to do the some very important things. Like grow. Spend time with my family. Become a better person. "

"You're perfect just the way you are."

She smiled.

"I'm glad you think so, but you're wrong. I'm so far from being perfect it's ridiculous."

I knew she was wrong, but I wasn't going to argue about it.

She leaned her chin on my chest and frowned.

"Are you mad at me for wanting to wait?"

_Yes. I'm in hell. Do it now, for the love of God._

"No. Of course not. It's a big step. You should take all the time you need."

"Well, that's a relief," she said dramatically, "because you know most of the vamps I've dated have been all, 'Aw, come on, Bells. Just let me bite you, baby. I'm getting blue-fangs here'."

I looked at her and tried desperately not to laugh. I failed.

I chuckled as I pushed her onto her back and nuzzled my face into her neck.

"Well, can you blame them? I mean look at yourself - flaunting your delicious neck with no regard for what it does to our control."

"Are you implying I'm a fang-tease?" she groaned as I licked across her pulse.

"Isabella, I don't have fangs."

"I know, but just go with it."

"Yes, you're a total fang-tease. My fangs are aching to plunge into you."

_Oh, God, if only I was joking._

I closed my mouth over her jugular and sucked gently. She gripped my hair and moaned loudly.

"Oh...Jesus...Edward."

"God, you taste good."

"Your mouth is amazing."

I ran my lips the length of her neck, tasting her and ignoring my streaming venom. In return, she wrapped her legs around my waist and pressed me against her.

Suddenly, the image James had shown me of my teeth sinking into her flashed into my mind, twisting a thick bolt of bloodlust straight through me. I groaned and winced in pain as I fought to stay in control. All my muscles spasmed and tightened, and I dragged in short, gasping breaths until the excruciating wave passed.

I felt Isabella freeze beneath me, and she immediately unwound her arms and legs from my body.

As I felt the red-haze fade, I rolled off her and exhaled, raking my fingers roughly through my hair.

"Godammit," I muttered, finally regaining control.

"Edward, you need to hunt."

_I don't want to leave you._

"I will. Soon."

"You're obviously uncomfortable."

_Massive understatement._

"I'm used to it. It's fine.

"Edward..."

"Isabella, please. You're too far away."

She lay next to me again and her hand went back to my chest.

"I like it when you stroke my skin," I said softly.

"It won't make you...uh...growly?"

"Probably, but I'll stop you if it gets too much."

She moved her hand gently, but I could tell she was concerned. I hated that I worried her.

"Aren't you glad you decided to date a vampire?" I asked sarcastically.

She leaned forward and brushed her lips against mine.

"I admit," she said with a sigh, "that having a boyfriend that constantly wants to kill you is kind of inconvenient, but this is us, Edward. In the wise words of Tim Gunn, we'll find a way to make it work."

She was trying to make me smile, but I just couldn't. Also, I had no idea who Tim Gunn was.

"I'm sorry," I said, and it was for so much more than just wanting to kill her. "I'm sorry that I didn't meet you when I was human. I'd love nothing more than to make love to you without fantasizing about your blood. I'd love to take you to a crowded park in the middle of the day and kiss you in the sunshine without everyone pointing and staring at the sparkling freak."

"You're not a freak."

"We could have gotten married and bought a house, and had a family, and fought over money, and grown old together."

"Edward..."

"I can't give you any of that, Isabella. None of it. All I can offer you is to stop your heart from beating so you can live in my world of grey skies, and ripping thirst, and infinite, frozen dissatisfaction. It's not what you deserve. It's not enough. It will never be enough."

"You're enough."

"I shouldn't have to be."

"I just need some time."

"Have some of mine. I have too much of it."

She silenced me by kissing me fiercely. I kissed her back, trying so hard to tell her without words that I wished it was different...that I wished I could pull her against me without trying desperately not to bruise her. That I could kiss her neck without fantasizing about tearing it open. That I could make love to her without constantly pushing down the instinct to break and bite and feed.

I kissed her until she climbed on top of me and the beast started issuing outrageous demands, and then I gently pushed her away and stood up so I could get some distance from her seductive scent.

I opened the window and breathed in some cleansing air, bracing my hands against the frame as I waited for the beast to stop whispering to me.

"I'm sorry," I said as I exhaled heavily and tried to calm myself.

Isabella grunted in irritation.

"Listen to me, Edward. You're the most amazing man I've ever met, regardless of whether you're human or vampire, so you really need to stop apologizing or I'm going to have to kick your ass."

I looked over my shoulder and saw that she was sitting on the bed, her arms crossed and a fierce scowl on her face.

I couldn't help but smile.

"I'm sorry, Isabella," I said deliberately.

"Oh, you're going down, vamp-boy," she threatened.

"Tough words. Where's my ass-kicking?"

"You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Get over here. Now."

I rejoined her on the bed and she pulled me down for a lingering kiss.

"I'm going easy on you 'cause you're all hungry and 'grrrr' and whatever," she said, exhaling and looking at me like she wanted to tear Charlie's pants off me with her teeth, "but when you're all well-fed and mellow, I'm going to do extremely obscene things to you, okay? Starting with wrapping my mouth around that long hard bulge in your pants."

_Oh dear God._

The beast growled seductively. I told him to shut the hell up.

Stupid vampire bloodlust.

If I was human, I wouldn't have thought twice. I would have been on top of her in seconds, kissing her and stroking her and pushing myself inside her. As it was, my thirst was getting unbearable.

I kissed her again, trying not to let my hormones get the better of me.

"You need to sleep or you'll be exhausted in the morning."

She sighed in resignation.

"You're right. I actually have to work tomorrow."

"Well, I guess I'm spending the day at the diner then."

"Yeah, except for the time you're going to spend being interrogated by my father."

"Of course. Except for that."

I really wasn't looking forward to it. I did have the advantage of knowing the Chief snored like a bear with sinusitis though, so I hoped his intimidation level was going to be slightly lower.

"We're going to be apart tomorrow then," I muttered, stroking her hair.

"Only for a little while."

"I don't suppose your father would let you sit on my lap and kiss my neck while he questioned me, would he?"

"Uh, so very no."

"Dammit."

"I know."

"I don't like being away from you. It's irksome."

She giggled.

"Irksome?"

I looked at her seriously.

"Yes. Irksome. Aggravating, boring, bothersome, irritating, tedious, vexing, annoying."

"I know what it means, Edward," she said, still smiling, "I just didn't think anyone outside of the Amish Community actually used that word."

"Are you making fun of me?" I asked, glowering at her.

"Maybe."

"You do realize I'm a vampire, right? Vicious, undead creature of the night? I mean, you're supposed to be scared of me. Not teasing me."

"But you get all sexy and flustered when I tease you."

"Do I?'

"Oh, yes."

I sighed and touched her face lightly. God, her skin was just...remarkable.

"Calling me sexy doesn't distract me from how much I'm going to miss doing this to you tomorrow," I said, running my finger gently over her lips.

Her pupils dilated as her breath washed over my hand.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"After college."

I looked at her and frowned.

"I don't understand."

"I want you to change me. After college."

I searched her eyes to see if she was kidding. She wasn't.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Her eyes were sincere and determined.

"Give me four years and then..."

"Forever," I said, trying not to smile too wide.

"Yes."

"You want me to change you?"

"Yes."

"You're not teasing me?"

"No."

"You'll endure that? For me?"

"No. As you said, if I do it for you then I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. I'm doing it for me. I want to be with you. Always."

In a second I was kissing her and rolling her underneath me, and even though the beast was screaming for blood and sex, it was irrelevant because she was kissing me back and she was pulling me closer, and the knowledge that she was choosing to be with me forever made me feel stronger than I ever had. In this moment there were only her lips, and tongue, and hands, and the liquid warmth of her skin against mine, and I moaned with the rightness of it all.

We kissed and sighed and rocked against each other, and the pleasure I felt just being in her arms was overwhelming, and before I knew what was happening my mouth was beside her ear and I was groaning, "God, Isabella, I love you."

We both froze.

_Oh, right. Haven't actually said that to her before, have I?_

I hadn't even admitted it to myself.

For so long I'd felt...something that I couldn't deny or describe. It was more than the mating bond and different for the love I felt for my family, and quite honestly, it was equal parts terrifying and wonderful. I knew that I needed her and wanted her beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. That I was no longer able to function without her. But putting a label on it? Saying it?

That took a special kind of courage I didn't know I had until just now.

I was in love with her.

Of course I was.

Isabella was silent. I could hear her heartbeat thrumming erratically, but her mouth was gut-wrenchingly quiet.

I pulled away and looked down at her. Her eyes were wide, her face frozen in shock.

My throat tightened.

_Is she shocked because I said it or because she doesn't feel the same way and isn't sure how to respond?_

"Edward, stop it," she whispered, as she looked at me intently.

"Stop what?"

"Thinking your self-doubting emo-crap about what you just said."

"Okay, that's not exactly the response I was hoping for when I declared my love for you."

"I've just told you I want to be with you forever and you doubt how I feel?"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing!"

"Sor...okay."

"Tell me you love me again."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

"Good Lord, you're bossy."

"You like me bossy."

"Sadly, I do," I said as I looked into her remarkable eyes. "And I love you, Isabella. So very much. More than I thought I could love anyone."

She smiled and swallowed, and her eyes were suddenly glassy and wet.

"I love you too," she said quietly, and in that moment there weren't four more beautiful words in any language in the world.

I kissed her, my chest tight, and aching, and full.

She was mine.

She loved me.

Me, the monster who never dreamed he would one day be worthy of ever being loved, especially by someone as spectacular as her.

Without saying another word, she snuggled into my chest and closed her eyes with the sweetest smile I'd ever seen frozen on her face. I suspected if I looked in a mirror, I'd be wearing the same smile.

She sighed once before her breathing became deep and even.

Suddenly I heard my sister's voice outside.

"Jasper! Emmett! Our brooding depressive brother just said the 'L' word to his woman! Come and squeal with me!"

I shook my head and chuckled as I heard my brothers and sister chatting excitedly outside the window, exclaiming things like "Oh my God! That's so totally awesome!" just loud enough for me to be able to hear.

I sighed as Isabella moaned in her sleep, and I pulled her closer.

Let them have their fun. I had Isabella, and in four years she'd be mine forever. I felt like a kid on Christmas eve, waiting to unwrap the most incredible present he could ever imagine.

Of course I now had to find a way to keep her safe from a mass murderer for all that time. And James.

I was fairly certain the next four years would be longest of my life.

...

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**So, the murderer is revealed, and Edward and Bella have admitted their feelings. What evil hijinks does James have up his ****hot-psycho sleeves?**

**Please drop me a line and say hi. Hearing from my beautiful readers ****thrills me to my core. My hot, throbbing core. (Oh, and yes, the next chapter will contain smut. Just putting that out there.)**

**Love you all,**

**Kiya x**


	13. Skyrockets in Flight

**WindowWard sends extremely inappropriate fondling to all of you who continue to read, review and pimp this story. Your support touches him. Intimately.**

**Thank you to my pre-readers: 1Lavishone and J_e_n_n_**

**My betagoddess is Irritable_Grizzzly, and she's awesome in ways I can't even describe.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Unfortunately.**

_**Last chapter: We found out that the person murdering innocent Forksians is a serial killer Edward inadvertently turned into a vampire, who also killed Edward's former lover, Tanya. Chief Swan found out Bella was dating Edward and has requested he present himself for a witness interview regarding the murders. And last, but absolutely not least, Edward and Bella finally admitted they loved each other. Aww.**_

**On with the story.**

**Enjoy.**

**

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**Chapter 13 - Skyrockets in Flight**

_Isabella's face. Her eyes, her mouth, her lips. Oh, God, her lips. __Kissing me. Trailing across my naked chest. Grazing lower...and lower..._

I leaned against the wall of the shower, my head thrown back, my eyes closed, gripping my erection - squeezing...stroking. All my muscles tightened in response, and a low burn started in my abdomen.

_Isabella's hot breath tumbling over my skin...her tongue...warm and soft and wet...her mouth...oh, yes...her mouth...enveloping me...sucking me.._

"Oh, God...Isabella..."

My voice was low and filled with need. My hand moved faster. So did my imaginary Isabella. Her hands began to caress me as her mouth drove me insane...the pleasure circling, spiraling, tightening with every pass.

_Imaginary Isabella looks up at me and smiles, her hand still moving. She stands and kisses me._

_"I want you, Edward. Inside me."_

_And then she's above me, lowering herself onto me...rocking and moving, and oh dear Lord, being inside her is the most incredible sensation I've ever experienced. She takes pleasure from me and moans, so beautiful, her breasts full and round and heavy in my hands. _

"God...yes..."

_Then she's beneath me, her hair splayed on my pillow, her legs wrapped around me as I push and withdraw, thrust and groan. Her face...frowning with pleasure...her sounds becoming more frantic...her heart thudding and thick in my ears._

_"Edward..." - I love hearing her groan my name - "Oh, God...Edward...I love you. I love you..."_

And then I'm crying out as pleasure explodes out of me in thick bursts, and I'm coming...and coming...and coming...and the whole time I hear Isabella's voice in my mind, telling me she loves me...promising to let me change her...vowing to be with me forever.

And when I'm finished I slide down the wall, gasping for air I don't need, and as the water runs over my spent body, my heart is so full of her I can't stop smiling.

...

"Have you quite finished?"

Alice entered my bedroom without knocking as I finished fastening my jeans and took a crisp black button-down from my closet and pulled it on.

"If you mean showering, then yes."

"Is that what you kids are calling it these days?" she asked as she sat on my couch and crossed her legs. "I would have said something more along the lines of 'abusing yourself shamelessly for over an hour in the vain hopes that when your human-lover's father asks you about his daughter in his police interview today you won't sport massive wood.'"

I sighed and glared at her as I fastened my buttons.

"That's not what I was doing, Alice."

"Oh really?"

"No."

"Edward, you're a vampire. You have zero functioning sweat glands. Why on earth would you need to be in the shower for that long?"

I rolled up my sleeves to my elbows before strapping on my leather wrist-cuff and clipping it into place.

"I happen to enjoy the water, Alice."

"Of course you do. It makes cleaning up the evidence of your perverted self-love marathon a whole lot easier."

I laughed against my will and looked in the mirror as I tried to tame my hair.

I supposed masturbating fifteen times was a little excessive, even for a vampire, but I had a lot of repressed sexual tension to be released. Plus, if I was being absolutely honest, I did actually hope to avoid becoming aroused in front of Chief Swan if, and when, he spoke about Isabella. Becoming erect in front of another man was awkward enough. Doing it in front of the father of the woman you loved was positively unacceptable.

"You do know that it's impossible for vampire-peens to become fatigued, right?" Alice said with what I'm sure was the iron-clad conviction of someone who thought she was being helpful. "Believe me, I've done my darnedest to wear out Jasper's, but it's always spring-loaded and ready for more. So all of your shower-shenanigans were in vain, dear brother. By the way, Jas said he could hear you groaning from the lake. He's completely traumatized."

"And now, this conversation is officially over," I said as I shoved my feet into black boots, laced them as fast as I possibly could, and left the room.

Unfortunately my sister followed me, and continued to talk as we descended the stairs.

"Do you know the Chief was looking into your background this morning? He has suspicions, Edward. He knows there's something off about your history."

Esme was in the kitchen, putting away an enormous amount of human food that she'd bought at the market. She and Rose had arrived in the early hours and Esme had wasted no time in assessing the damage I had caused to her precious house, and scolded me severely for it.

"Good morning," I said, kissing her gently on the cheek, knowing she couldn't stay mad at me forever.

She smiled and touched my face gently.

_See?_

Then she slapped my cheek and pushed me away.

"I'm still not talking to you, sweetheart, remember?"

_Damn_.

"Esme, I told you I would replace your Austrian crystal chandelier."

"I know you did, darling, but until it gets here and is installed by your delicate hands, you're dead to me. Oh and don't think I haven't noticed you've dented the faucets in your bathroom. I've left the name of the website where you can order them on the bench. They cost three hundred dollars. Each. Get out your credit card."

I laughed and kissed her again. God, I'd missed her.

"Yes, Mom."

She smiled and shook her head.

I turned to see Alice glaring with her hands on her hips.

"Edward, are you listening to me?"

"No, Alice, I'm not. I'm ignoring you. I thought I made that clear with the whole, 'this conversation is over' statement."

I picked up several cans and helped Esme stack them in the now-overflowing pantry.

"You realize I'm dating just one human, right? Not a whole cheerleading squad."

"Edward," she said patiently, "I never thought I'd see the day that you dated _anyone_, let alone a human, so you need to hush your mouth. I've been watching cooking programs ever since television was invented and I finally have an excuse to put that knowledge to good use. Don't ruin it for me."

"I cooked her eggs," I said, proudly.

She stopped and looked at me.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"And?"

Her face wore the kind of anticipatory excitement I imagined all of the physicists at NASA experienced when they finally landed a man on the moon.

"And...she confiscated my frying pan and finished making them herself because apparently a handful of salt is a little excessive. Plus, I destroyed the whisk. And dented the bowl."

She smiled sadly and patted me on the arm.

"Sweetheart, you're good at so many things - demolishing your mother's interior design for example. I don't think you should be concerned that cooking isn't among your list of proficiencies."

I turned to go into the living room only to be confronted by Alice who was still glaring at me.

"Edward, Chief Swan doesn't like or trust you. The mere fact you're dating his daughter automatically makes you a suspect for every unsolved crime Forks has ever had. And now, you seem completely unconcerned that you have an interview with him this morning and he is going to ask you questions that you don't have answers to!" she seethed. "Do you WANT him to lock you up?"

I sighed and dropped my head.

"Alice, there's nothing I can do. If he's done a background check on me, then our fake documents and history have withstood his scrutiny or they haven't. It's not like I can magically plug holes in my fabricated lifestory now. It's too late."

"So what are you going to do if he confronts you about inconsistencies?"

"Lie."

"You're a terrible liar."

"He doesn't know that."

"He will as soon as you open your mouth and lie."

"Alice, what would you like me to do?"

"I don't know! Be a better liar? Be nervous?"

I smiled and took her hands.

"Little sister, the most beautiful woman in the world told me she loved me last night and wants to be with me forever..."

"In four years."

"Yes, in four years, but still...she loves me. You _know_ how monumental that is for me. I'm having trouble keeping my feet on the ground today, so excuse me for not reverting to my nervous, tortured self for just a little while. Whatever happens with Chief Swan, I'll deal with, okay?"

She nodded and exhaled.

"I know you will, I just...I'm just nervous, Edward. I mean, my visions are all weird and intermittent at the moment, but it's more than that. I have a bad feeling. I don't like having bad feelings. Bad feelings are bad."

I put my hands on her shoulders and squeezed.

"Alice, I would never disregard your instincts. Ever. We're doing everything we possibly can."

She took a deep breath and whispered, "I keep seeing visions of you draining her, Edward."

I felt like I'd been punched in the chest.

"What?"

She dropped her gaze to the floor. "I keep seeing you...out of your mind with bloodlust. You're drinking her, and...you can't stop."

I dropped my hands and looked down at her stricken face.

"Jesus, Alice."

"It's just a flash, but it's there. I don't know who it's from. It just hits me."

"How long have you been seeing it?"

"Days."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Because I've gotten them before...when you first met her. And then I had visions of you turning her...and sometimes when you two are getting...frisky...I get flashes of you biting her...hurting her...but this? It's different. It's the same vision every time. There's no deviation. She's in your arms, bleeding and...you're killing her."

"Could it be from James?"

"Maybe. But I can't seem to lock onto him when I try."

"Perhaps he's found a way to block both of us."

"Perhaps."

She looked up at me and she looked pained.

"Edward, I know you keep saying how much it would devastate you if something happened to Bella..."

"It would kill me, Alice."

"I know...but I hope you realize how much she means to the rest of us too. I mean, it's not just that she's an amazing person who's beautiful and strong and doesn't take any of your crap, although that's part of it. It's also what she's done for you. She's made you come alive after so many years of barely existing. She's made you happy in a way I've never seen you, and passionate about more than just surviving. I'd love her indefinitely just for that incredible gift. So if something happens to her, please know, it won't just be you who will be devastated."

I hugged her and she squeezed me tightly.

I'd been so caught up in Isabella and James and the unfamiliar reality of everything surrounding them that I hadn't stopped to think about how the whole situation might be affecting my family. I looked over and saw Esme in the kitchen, watching us with emotional eyes.

She walked over and put her arms around both of us, and whispered, "Come on, Alice. It's our turn to relieve Rose and Emmett at the diner. I'm finally going to meet my future daughter-in-law."

Rose and Emmett had taken over this morning when I left to hunt, and now they were guarding Isabella at work while Jasper watched over Chief Swan, just in case James decided to try and use him as leverage.

Being away from Isabella was difficult. I felt like there was a steel cable attached to my heart, trying to drag me to her, begging me to seek her out and bury my face in her hair and bless my hands with her skin, but I had to endure interrogation by Chief Swan before I could see her, no matter how agonizing her absence was.

Esme and Alice collected their things and bid me goodbye, promising to take good care of Isabella until I could be with her. I thanked them and kissed their cheeks as they left.

I'd just closed the front door behind them when the basement door opened and a foul stench assailed my nostrils.

"Sam. Paul," I said, acknowledging the men emerging from the basement with Carlisle. I attempted a small smile and tried not to gag on their aroma. My left arm twinged in pain as I remembered how they had ripped it from my body. I think I still resented them for that. A lot.

"Edward," Sam said with restrained civility.

Paul wasn't quite so restrained.

"So, leech, I hear we have you to thank for creating a super-powered uber-murderer. Well done. Really. As if your kind wasn't already a massive stain on the world, you've just gone and thrown revenge-killing into the mix. Awesome."

I clenched my jaw and pushed down the urge to shatter his nose.

"It wasn't intentional, dog, as you well know. Do you honestly think I would have chosen to give a monster like James the power of eternal life?"

"Intentional or not, that's what you've done, and now innocent people are paying for it. You're a real piece of work, aren't you?"

"Paul, shut up," Sam said, tiredly. "What's done is done. All we can hope to do now is catch this guy before more people die."

"I couldn't agree more," Carlisle said, stepping forward. "Your cooperation is greatly appreciated, Sam. I'll let you know when I have some tangible results."

He held his hand out and Sam shook it with only minor hesitation and resisted wiping his hand on his pants when he let go, but I could tell by his thoughts that he wanted to. He chose not to for fear of offending my father. I suddenly liked Sam a little bit more.

Paul's thoughts were a jumble of the violent acts he would like to inflict upon me. I laughed softly to myself. As if he had a hope of hurting me without his pack to even the odds. He'd be dead within seconds.

He narrowed his eyes. I smiled broadly, making sure to show him my teeth.

Carlisle cleared his throat and glared at me before escorting the two men to the front door and bidding them goodbye. Then he turned and gestured for me to follow him into the basement.

When we reached the bottom of the steps, I immediately smelled blood and noticed four vials in a stand on the lab table.

"Sam gave you blood?"

Carlisle nodded and retrieved something from a small cold-box.

"Yes. He wants James caught just as much as we do, son. Maybe more. He's fiercely protective of the people in this town and as long as James is on the loose, every one of them is in danger."

He opened a plastic bag and placed something on the table. I almost gasped as I realized what he was about to do.

"Carlisle, no!"

"Edward..."

"No way. I won't let you."

"Edward..."

"Isn't is enough that she died because of me? I won't let you use her in some sort of freakish Frankenstein experiment!"

"Edward, do you want her death to be in vain? You know as well as I do that Tanya chose the lifestyle she did because she could no longer stomach murdering humans. Don't you think if she could give us the edge on stopping someone like James, she would do it?"

"Perhaps she would, but not like this. Not using the only part of her that remains as a...a goddamn science experiment. It should be sent back to Irina and Kate. Give them something to bury...to mourn."

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me with his trademark empathy.

"Son, Irina and Kate want me to keep the hand. I spoke to them last night. They want James caught, at any cost, and this may help us capture him. They know it'll be put to much better use here."

I swallowed and shook my head, my grief and guilt over Tanya's murder boiling like acid under my skin and in my throat.

"It's my fault she's dead, Carlisle."

"Well, then let's find a way to avenge her," he said softly.

I took a deep breath and followed him over to the lab table where he gently laid Tanya's hand on a stainless steel specimen tray. He took a vial of wolf blood and dipped an eye-dropper into it before hovering it over the severed wrist.

He looked up at me.

"I have no idea if this will actually do anything, but I figure it's worth a try."

He gently squeezed the dropper and a small dribble of blood collected on the crystalline flesh.

We both held our breath and crouched down, trying to see if the blood had any effect.

After a few seconds it started disappearing into the torn muscle. Carlisle let out an audible hiss of surprise when the pale, cold flesh instantly started turning pink.

"Good Lord," he breathed as the blood disappeared completely.

He quickly grabbed a scalpel and a small glass slide, scraping a small amount of the pink cells onto the glass before covering it and sliding into his microscope. He leaned over the eye-piece and hissed again.

"Edward, look at this."

I put my eye to the lens.

"What the hell am I looking at?"

I looked up at Carlisle and he was beaming.

"I have no idea."

"You seem very pleased about that. Shouldn't you be disappointed?"

"No, Edward," he said, practically bouncing on his toes, "I have no idea because I'm fairly certain no one has ever seen those types of cells before."

He had another peek into the microscope.

"I mean, they have properties of both human and vampire cells, and yet aren't identifiably one or the other. It's like the wolf blood mutated our cells, making them..." - he looked up at me - "a hybrid of both. It's remarkable."

He quickly walked to his laptop and started typing in his observations.

"I suspected that the wolf-blood would affect our tissue, based on your reaction when you drank it, but I'll have to do a lot of other testing before I can form more definite hypotheses."

I looked through the microscope again. I'd seen enough human tissue in my medical studies to realize that what I was looking at was unusual, but I really didn't understand Carlisle's excitement.

"Carlisle, how on earth is this going to help us with fighting James? We can hardly talk him into drinking wolf-blood. It smells and tastes revolting."

He kept typing as he talked.

"No, we don't want him to drink it. From what you told me about the initial burst of power you felt when you ingested the blood, that wouldn't help us at all. He'd become a freakishly strong powerhouse for a short time and God knows the damage he'd to. However, if I can find a way to inject the wolf-blood into him..."

I turned to face him.

"Inject? Carlisle, I don't want to rain on your parade, but there's not a needle on the planet that would penetrate our skin."

"Maybe not," he said, lifting his head to smile at me, "But I'm a resourceful guy, son. I'm pretty sure I could make something that would work."

He moved from the laptop to a notebook where he immediately started sketching.

I watched and tried to decipher his schematics.

"So...let's say you do make something able to inject the blood, what do you think it would do to him?"

"Well, I still have a lot of testing to do, but I have a theory it would weaken him considerably. Perhaps permanently. I mean, remember how weak you became once the blood entered your system? You weren't much stronger than a human."

I remembered only too well. If Carlisle could pull this off, it might give us an edge.

"Carlisle, if it affects speed and strength, do you think it's possible it might also disrupt vampire powers, like his ability to block me, or mask his scent?"

Carlisle stopped sketching and looked at me.

"I hadn't considered that, but it's certainly a possibility. Did it affect your mindreading?"

I sighed.

"To be honest, I didn't take much notice while I was violently vomiting, but I certainly felt very muddy in the head for several hours afterward."

"Hmmm."

Carlisle started drawing again.

"I've got a lot of work to do here. You'd better keep your appointment with Chief Swan. I'll call you later and let you know what I've discovered."

I left my father working furiously, and hoped that he could come up with something that would help destroy James and keep Isabella safe.

...

"Mr. Cullen."

"Chief Swan."

"Please take a seat."

I entered the Chief's small office and sat in front of his desk. My eyes were immediately drawn to a collection of photographs off to the side: a picture of him proudly holding a large fish while a toddler-Isabella grimaced beside him, Isabella as a girl of around ten or twelve, her arms wrapped around her father, both of them wearing impossibly ugly Christmas hats. A recent photo of Isabella by herself, beaming and dressed in a cap and gown, holding a diploma. She was stunning.

"Proudest day of my life," the Chief said, noticing the direction of my gaze. "Seeing my little girl cross that stage was...well...it was special."

"I have no doubt. She's a remarkable woman, sir."

It wasn't lost on me that the Chief referred to Isabella as a little girl, and I spoke of her as a woman. How vastly different the perceptions are of a father versus a lover.

The Chief looked at me for a few seconds, studying me intently. In his mind he was trying to figure out my intentions toward his daughter. He didn't trust me. He questioned my reasons for being in Forks, and in his mind, I was going to break his daughter's heart and leave town.

Little did he know I was going to stop his daughter's heart altogether and keep her with me forever.

"So, Mr. Cullen," he said finally, opening file on his desk, "how are you finding our little town? Must be boring for someone who grew up in Chicago."

_Ah, my past. He's done his homework. _

"I find Forks, generally," _- and one of its female residents in particular -_ "absolutely fascinating, sir."

"And why, exactly, did you move here?"

He was studying my every move, every word, every nuance. He was trying very hard to unnerve me and it was working.

"As I said to you the other night, sir, I needed a break from my family," I said honestly.

"Ah, yes," the Chief said, referring to a piece of paper in the file, "your family. Parents, Carlisle and Esme, and your siblings, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. All currently visiting I take it, considering the folks around town keep seeing them and gossiping like my Aunt Olive."

I wasn't surprised the people of Forks were gossiping about my family. We were quite...gossip-worthy.

"Yes, sir. My father, brothers and Alice arrived a couple of days ago, and my mother and Rosalie arrived very early this morning."

"Hmmm, I heard about your mother's shopping spree this morning. I don't think anyone has ever bought four-hundred dollars worth of food from the market before. You Cullens must have quite an appetite."

I pushed down the urge to smile too broadly.

"You could say that, sir."

He looked at me for a second and I knew I was walking a fine line with my vague honesty.

"So, Mr. Cullen, from what I've been able to gather, your brothers and sister, as well as you have been adopted by Carlisle and Esme."

"Yes, sir."

I didn't like that I was here to be interviewed about the murders and so far, all of his questions had been about me.

"And you were adopted when you were eleven?"

"Yes, sir. My parents were killed in a car accident."

"Yes. I found the coroner's report of their death."

He looked up from the file and leaned over the desk, his thoughts betraying him before he actually said the words.

"But you know what, Mr. Cullen? Although I have a death certificate for Elizabeth and Edward Masen, I can't find any other records on them. No birth certificates, school records, social security numbers...nothing."

_Well, Chief, the record__-keeping at the beginning of the last century was sketchy at best._

I arranged my face in what I hoped seemed like surprise.

"Really? Well, that is strange."

I could tell he wasn't buying my 'acting'.

"You know something else that's strange, Mr. Cullen? I have school records for you, bank details, credit card statements...but one thing that I don't have is doctor's records. Not one. You're twenty-three-years-old and apparently you've never been treated by a doctor or admitted to a hospital? That's one helluva track-record, son."

"Well," I said carefully, "Carlisle is a doctor, sir. Whenever I got sick, he would treat me at home."

"What about before you were adopted? No immunizations? Broken bones? Childhood diseases?"

I tried to lighten the tension with a light laugh.

"What can I say, Chief? I was a very healthy child."

"Obviously."

I wasn't going to gain any ground with him here. He had enough inconsistencies and doubts about my history to be very suspicious of my identity, and rightly so. The only thing I could do now was deflect him. Remind him of why I was here.

"Chief, I understand that you have questions about me - after all, I'm dating your daughter - and I'm more than willing to address any and all of your concerns at a later date, but surely a higher priority right now is investigating the murders and apprehending the killer. I don't know that I have any information you'll find useful, but I'm here to cooperate in any way I can."

He looked at me a moment longer, debating whether to continue pursuing my past, but eventually he decided against it.

Instead he opened another file on his desk and motioned to a microphone.

"I'm going to record this interview, Mr. Cullen, if that's all right with you."

"Of course."

He clicked a key on his computer and began.

"This is a police interview between Chief Swan of the Forks Police Department and Mr. Edward Cullen. First day of November, two-thousand and nine. Nine-o-five a.m."

He cleared his throat and looked at me, before hitting me with a barrage of questions: What time did I arrive at the club? What were my movements beforehand? What did I do when I got there? Did I see anything or anyone suspicious?

"Actually, Chief," I said, frowning in concentration, "I've been thinking about what I saw that night, and I did notice a man who was acting suspiciously."

The Chief leaned back in his chair.

"Really?"

"Yes. When I was on the dance floor with Isabella," -_ ripping off her panties and pleasuring her with my fingers -_ "I saw a man arguing with a young woman." _Actually I didn't, but this is a clever ploy to steer you in the direction of the real killer while still trying to sound like a non-homicidal and helpful human. _ "I couldn't hear what they were saying over the music, but I'm pretty sure he was threatening her." _In reality he probably grabbed her as she was leaving the club and drained her before she knew what the hell was happening. _

_Probably._

_Hopefully._

I hoped my lies were convincing enough to plant James as a suspect in the Chief's mind. Having the police, in addition to the wolves and my family, looking for him could only work in my favor.

The Chief squinted. His thoughts told me that he was suspicious that I had seen the possible murderer. It seemed far too convenient.

"Can you describe the young lady?"

"Yes, sir." _The image of her cold, dead face is burned into my memory._ "She was in her early twenties, dark hair, dark eyes. Around Isabella's height. Perhaps a little taller."

_She looked too much like Isabella. Too young. Too pretty. Too dead._

The Chief rummaged around in the file on his desk and pulled out a picture of the girl.

"Does this girl resemble her?"

"That's her," I said firmly. "That's the girl I saw."

"And the man you saw her with? Could you describe him?"

"I can do better than that, Chief," I said, gesturing to the blank notebook on his desk. "If you think it would be helpful, I can draw him for you."

The Chief raised his eyebrows in surprise and slid the notebook and a pencil toward me.

"Knock yourself out. I'm going to get coffee. You want some?"

I declined and started sketching as he left the room, trying to steady my hand and keep a vaguely human pace.

Apparently I failed, because by the time the Chief returned five minutes later, I had drawn a photorealistic portrait of James, including a slightly unhinged look on his sinister face.

The Chief choked on his coffee.

"You're quite the artist, Mr. Cullen," he coughed. "That's one hell of an accurate drawing considering you only got a quick look at him on a half-lit dance floor."

"I have a photographic memory, sir." _Believe me, I wish I didn't._

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"In that case, what was he wearing?"

_Damn. Good question._

"Well, I couldn't see his clothes very well because there were people in front of him."

"Well, it was a costume party. Do you have any idea what he was dressed as? Zombie? Werewolf? Vampire?"

"Vampire."

"A real vampire, or the sort of metro-sexual male-model version you went as?"

_Okay, that's just unnecessary. I'm _not_ metro-sexual. Whatever that means._

"I'm not sure what you mean when you say 'real vampire', Chief."

_I'm as real as it gets, pal._

"Oh, you know. Tuxedo, cape, fangs."

_Typical._

"Not all vampires have fangs, Chief Swan."

"Son, I've seen enough vampire movies to know they all have fangs."

_I hate Hollywood._

"Well, technically a vampire wouldn't _need_ fangs in order to drink a creature's blood."

"Put some thought into this subject, have you?"

_No, I live it._

"A little."

"So if they don't have fangs, how do they puncture the neck?"

"With their teeth."

"Normal teeth?"

"Yes, but very sharp."

"Not fangs."

"No."

An image of the damage to the victims' throats flashed through his mind, but he dismissed it.

_I should really stop talking about teeth._

"Mr. Cullen, as much as I'm enjoying debating the dental particulars of a mythical being, can we get back to what the suspect was wearing?"

"Of course. He had no tuxedo, cape or fangs."

"And yet you say he was dressed as a vampire."

"Yes, sir."

"And what, exactly, identified him as a vampire then?"

_Damn. Another good question._

"He was very pale and had bright red eyes."

"Since when do vampires have red eyes?"

"Well, I surmised the eyes were red from drinking human blood."

"You 'surmised'?"

"Yes, sir."

"Uh huh. So the only thing you're basing your assumption on that he was dressed as a vampire was the fact he'd slapped on some powder and had colored contacts."

"I suppose so." _Oh, and the fact he ripped out two people's throats and drank their blood. There's that too._

"I see. And did you see him become violent with the female victim?"

"No, sir. After a few minutes of arguing they left the dance floor."

"Did you see where they went?"

"No, I was dancing with Isabella." _And was exceedingly distracted by her unzipping my pants and gripping my erection in her surprisingly strong hand._

"Uh huh."

He took the drawing and looked at it carefully before bringing his guarded investigator's eyes back to me.

"All right, then. I'll pass this around to the other witnesses. See if anyone else at the club saw him."

I hoped other people recalled him. I knew he was there, even if he stayed hidden from me.

"You might also want to show it around town, sir," I said, trying to sound helpful and not like I was telling him how to do his job. "When I described him to Isabella she mentioned she saw him at the diner last week."

The Chief's eyes immediately narrowed.

"What? When?"

"I'm not sure. She said he came in a couple of times."

"Did she see him at the club too?"

"I don't think so."

_To be fair__, _s_he was a bit busy kissing me and fucking me and changing my life forever._

The Chief went on to ask me more questions, and even though I tried to be attentive, my separation from Isabella was starting to take its toll. My eyes kept darting to her graduation photo, and as much as I tried to concentrate on the Chief, his daughter filled my mind. I'd been away from her for too long. My body was longing for her, in so many ways, not the least of which was sexual. Images of what I'd like to do to her flashed through my mind, and apparently Alice was correct in her theory about vampire penile-stamina, because to my horror, I began getting hard in front of the Chief.

I quickly answered his remaining questions as best I could and hoped he would soon be finished.

Finally, when he showed me a photograph of the male victim and asked if I recalled seeing him, I said no. I figured telling him I had nearly broken the boy's wrist when I heard the disgusting things he was thinking about Isabella and her insanely sexy costume would have seemed a tad suspicious.

"Well, Mr. Cullen," he said finally, "I think that's about it for now. Thanks for your cooperation."

_Thank God. I need to find your daughter immediately and bury myself inside her._

"My pleasure, Chief Swan. Please let me know if I can help in any other way."

_Later. Much, much later._

The Chief walked me out and I tried not to sprint to my car.

Within minutes I was pulling up in front of the diner and pushing through the front door. The place was fairly full, and even though there were so many conflicting scents associated with morning, coffee, and human food, there was only one scent I craved, and the moment it hit my nostrils I inhaled it greedily and sought out its source.

I saw her. She was standing next to the booth that held my mother and sister.

So many emotions ran through me as I looked her, and the crawling unease I always felt when we were apart almost completely dissipated.

God, she was beautiful.

Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one who thought so, and there were currently at least four men in the diner fantasizing about her. I wanted to murder them all.

A rush of intense possessive lust washed over me, and suddenly I wanted to lie her down on one of the flimsy Formica tables and fuck her roughly.

I wanted every man in the place to see what I could do to her. How her body was meant for my hands only. How completely we were meant for each other.

Her head immediately snapped up and the minute our eyes met, I knew she wanted exactly the same thing.

I walked over to her slowly, loving the way she looked me over, her eyes traveling from my boots slowly upward to my face, stopping briefly at my crotch on the way. I could hear the rhythm of her heart quicken and I knew I did that to her. My proximity. My body. Her heart was thudding loud and fast. If I still had a heartbeat, I was sure it would sound exactly the same.

I stopped in front of her and my hands itched for her skin.

"Hi."

She smiled up at me.

"Hi, yourself."

I'd gotten a brief glimpse of her waitress uniform this morning before I left, but I don't think I truly understood how incredibly sexy the short skirt and tight t-shirt was until now, especially with the tiny apron wrapped around it. No wonder she was driving men mad. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun with a pencil stabbed through it and her neck looked unbelievably delicious. She was looking at me with obvious desire, and I desperately wanted to kneel in front of her and slowly draw her panties down her legs, before hooking her left thigh over my shoulder and using my mouth to incite her into screaming my name. Loudly.

Her eyes widened and she inhaled sharply.

"What the hell are you thinking about right now?" she asked breathlessly.

"Eating," I replied cryptically.

"But you don't eat human food," she whispered, steadying herself by placing one hand on the table.

"Exactly."

We stared at each other for a few seconds and the tension of not being able to strip her naked and pleasure her shamelessly made all my muscles ache, none more so than the one between my legs.

She was too far away, and wearing too many clothes. I needed her. Now. Naked.

I needed to show her how much I loved her.

"God, I want you," I moaned, feeling helpless to my raging desire.

"Uh...hello? Mother and sister sitting right here," Alice said peevishly. "Please stop being gross."

Isabella glanced over at her and blushed. I inhaled automatically, knowing her scent would be thicker. Sweeter. Venom streamed into my mouth and I swallowed it gratefully because the resulting burn was only possible when she was next to me, and her being next to me was one of my favorite places for her to be.

She looked back at me and I knew she couldn't have read the desire on my face any clearer if it had been written in large easy-to-read letters with magic marker.

"I have to get back to work," she said softly, but she didn't move.

"Do you get a lunch break?"

"Yes. In four hours."

"Cigarette break?"

"I don't smoke."

"What if you did?"

"Then I'd get a cigarette break."

"When?"

"Whenever I like."

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to go and buy Isabella a packet of cigarettes right the hell now."

Isabella laughed and Alice mentally pictured giving me the finger. My mother gently grasped my hand and pulled me down to sit beside her, saying, "Let the poor girl get back to work, Edward. We've been distracting her enough."

"That's ironic," I said, never taking my eyes from hers. "Whenever we're together she's the one distracting me."

"It's totally mutual," Isabella said, her breathing rough and shallow.

God, I wanted everyone to disappear. As much as I loved Alice and Esme, I didn't want them here. I didn't want anyone here. I wanted it to be just her and me and my mouth on her body and her hands in my hair. Anything less than that was profoundly annoying.

"Hey, Bella!" a male voice called, "can I get a coffee refill sometime this year, sweetheart?"

_Sweetheart?_

I looked over my shoulder to glare at the asshole who presumed to call her that, then realized that my reaction was probably unreasonable and tried to wipe the murderous look off my face. I don't think I was quite quick enough because the man immediately went pale and said, "Never mind. I have to get back to work anyway," before dropping some money on the table and stumbling out the door.

"Stop that," Isabella said, slapping my shoulder as she walked to the table to collect the money. "If you scare off all my customers I'll be broke."

I wanted to tell her that she didn't need money, and that I had enough to provide for her every whim, no matter how extravagant, but I knew she wouldn't take that well. She didn't want my money, no matter how much I longed to give it to her.

I watched as she cleaned the table and took the dirty plates into the kitchen. When the door closed behind her, I wanted to rip it off its hinges and pulverize it into a thousand pieces for hiding her from me.

"Brother, you seriously need to chill out," Alice said, laughing.

"Darling, I have to agree," Esme said, trying to tug her hand from mine. "Edward? Ow."

I looked down to see that I was squeezing her fingers fiercely.

"God, Esme...sorry."

I loosened my grip and took her hand, massaging it soothingly. "I just...she's just so...I want...Godammit, I'm sorry."

Esme smiled and cupped my cheek. I sighed and relaxed a little. There was nothing like a mother's soothing touch to calm you down and make you realize you're behaving like an ass.

"It's all right, sweetheart, I understand. You love her."

"Yes."

"You want to be with her."

"Yes."

"Alone."

"God, yes."

"Everyone and everything that's preventing that from happening is an aggravation."

"Unbelievably so."

"I never thought I'd see the day."

She took a deep breath, and let it out raggedly, and when I looked into her eyes, they were so full of joy they would have been overflowing if they were still able.

"I'm so happy for you, sweetheart," she whispered. "Finally you've found the love you've deserved for all these long years."

I gently rubbed her hand.

"Esme..."

"I'm fine," she said, dismissively. "You're just lucky our kind can't cry or I'd be embarrassing the heck out of you right about now."

"I take it you like her," I said, laughing softly.

"Oh, Edward, she's perfect."

I nodded proudly.

"I know."

I kissed her on the cheek and she shooed me out of the booth so she could get out. She and Alice waved to Isabella who was serving a customer and then they turned back to me.

"So, I've invited Bella to dinner tonight," she said, brushing imaginary fluff off the shoulder of my shirt. "I hope that's okay."

"As long as I don't have to cook for her, it's fine."

"I'll make sure everyone hunts first. I know we've become unused to having a human in such close proximity for an extended period of time."

"Jasper has been struggling a bit around her," Alice admitted.

"What?" I said, my voice suddenly unreasonably hard. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

The thought of any other vampire lusting after Isabella's blood made me violently jealous, even if it was my own brother.

"Oh, stand down, prickly-pear," Alice said in exasperation. "You know Jas hasn't been on the wagon as long as the rest of us. Give him a break."

_I'd give him a hell of a break if he goes anywhere near Isabella, brother or not._

I looked over at her and she was staring at me, frowning. I kept forgetting that she could sense what I was feeling.

_I really should try to control myself more, or at least, feel things that she would find pleasurable. Not raging jealousy for example._

"See you around six?" Esme said, heading to the door.

"Oh, and Edward?" Alice teased. "There'll be a surprise waiting for you when you get home."

I looked into her mind to find out what she was talking about, but I was assaulted with images of a half-naked Jasper wearing assless chaps and a cowboy hat. I cringed and withdrew as she giggled and followed Esme out the door.

I sat back down in the booth and almost immediately, a waitress who wasn't Isabella came over to me.

"So, you're Edward, huh?" she said, running an appraising eye over me.

"Yes. I'm Edward."

Her face remained passive but her thoughts screamed, _"Holy fucking Christ! Bella goes out with hunka-hunka-Jacob Black for two years and now she lands this goddamn hot-assed dreamboat? How the fuck is this fair?"_

I smiled to myself and said as charmingly as possible, "And you are?"

_Jesus fuck, look at him. He's fucking beautiful. That mouth. Those eyes.__ Actually, the eyes are kind of weird. Who has gold eyes? Really? Still. That face. Oh, God I wanna shove that perfect face right in my..._

I cleared my throat.

"Uh...I'm Jessica. I'm a friend of Bella's."

I held out my hand and she grasped it tightly, her fingers moving across mine suggestively.

"Please to meet you, Jessica. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other."

"I hope so," she breathed, with more than a touch of sexual innuendo.

_Fuck, handsome, I want to see ALL of you. I wonder if your dick is as pretty as the rest of you._

I coughed to cover my laugh, and suddenly Isabella was standing beside Jessica, her face dark and stormy.

"Oh, Jess, so I see you've introduced yourself to Edward."

"Yes. We're old friends now. I was just going to see if he wanted to order something to eat."

_Like me. Or I could eat him. God, I'd like to eat him. Grab whatever he's packing in those fuckhot jeans and just suck..._

"Ah...actually Isabella said she was going to take my order," I said quickly, disengaging from her mind before I could witness more pornographic images of myself. "I was just seeing my family out."

"Oh, okay then," Jessica said, not bothering to hide the disappointment from her voice.

"Thanks anyway, Jess," Bella said, all but dismissing her, "but I've got this. And by this...I mean him."

Her jealousy was amazingly arousing.

"Of course you do," Jessica said with a venomous smile. _Lucky bitch._ "So I take it Jacob is now single?"

"Very," Isabella replied curtly. "In fact, he hasn't been well, Jess. I'm sure he'd love someone to take care of him. Why don't you give him a call?"

Jessica smiled sweetly and said, "Maybe I will. Nice to meet you, Edward," before turning and leaving.

"You do realize that you've just set her up with a werewolf who's not only highly unstable and dangerous, but also completely incapable of giving a woman an orgasm," I scolded.

She looked over at Jessica and scowled, "Yeah, well, she'll figure it out."

She pulled out her notebook and turned to me, pencil poised.

"So, what can I get you?" she asked, as if I was just a regular customer.

"You. Naked," I said reaching out one finger and lightly trailing it up her thigh. "And can I have that to go please?"

She moaned softly and then slapped my hand away.

"Well that item's off the menu for at least the next few hours," she hissed, "so stop turning me on and order something else."

I picked up the menu and scanned it quickly, playing my part.

"Well, in that case, what do you recommend, miss?"

I could hear her heart racing and tried not to smirk.

"Well...uh...the...uh...cherry pie is very good."

I looked up her, taking a moment to ogle her breasts before finally making my way to her rapidly reddening face.

"I think I'd like to taste your cherry pie," I said softly.

She swallowed and dragged in a loud breath.

"You're evil."

"I can just imagine how it would taste. Warm and sweet on my tongue."

"Oh, God."

"I'd savor each delicious mouthful. I want it now. On this table. I'm ravenous for it."

Isabella groaned and put a hand on the table so she could lean over and whisper to me, "Okay, listen up, vamp-boy, you can NOT sit here all day and say shit like that because I am going to lose my mind and throw you down and fuck you in front of all my customers, so please, stop tormenting me with your total goddamn hotness."

"I'm sorry," I said, smiling and not feeling sorry at all. "By the way, I can see right down your shirt and your breasts looks absolutely magnificent."

She gasped and looked down, horrified that her stunning cleavage was completely on display.

"Well...that's just...dammit."

She stood up and put her hands on her hips.

"You...just...stop...okay? I'm trying to work here."

I held my hands up in resignation.

"All right. I promise...no more ogling."

I was, of course, lying, because even as she took a deep breath to calm herself down, I was ogling her breasts, just more subtly.

"So," she said, sighing heavily, "how did the interview with my Dad go?"

"Fine. I planted the seed of James in his mind. I think he bought it."

"Good. What did you do when you left this morning?"

"Hunted."

"After that."

"You don't want to know."

She frowned.

"Why don't I want to know?"

"Because it's...provocative."

"Provocative how?"

"It involves...stress relief."

"What type of stress relief?"

"Sexual stress relief."

She looked at me for a few seconds before understanding dawned on her face.

"Oh my God. You..." - she lowered her voice to a whisper - "...masturbated?"

"Yes. In the shower."

"Oh."

"To fantasies of you."

"Ohhh."

"Taking me in your mouth."

"Ohhhhhh."

"Fifteen times."

"Ohhhhhhh...God."

Isabella swayed on her feet and I quickly stood up and wrapped my arms around her.

"Are you okay?"

She steadied herself and stepped away from me, looking around self-consciously at the handful of customers that were now looking at us.

"I'm fine," she said, smoothing down her skirt and taking a deep breath. "Please sit down before I start licking you."

"What if I want you to lick me?"

"Edward..."

"Fine. I'll sit."

She hurried away and returned a few minutes later with a piece of warm cherry pie and a newspaper. I looked at her quizzically.

"The newspaper is to give you something to do other than drive me insane, and the pie is so people won't get suspicious that you're sitting here all day and not eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom."

"You expect me to eat it?"

"No, just look like you are."

"I can do that."

"Good. Now I'm going to try and pretend you're not here, okay?"

"You won't be successful."

"I know. Shut up. Stop making me want to fuck you."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

She thought for a moment.

"Is there any way you can make me forget you exist?"

"I'm afraid not."

"In that case the 'making me not want to fuck you' plan is a bust."

"Thank God."

"Is there any way for you to stop being so fucking hot?"

"I don't think so."

"Dammit."

"I could just fuck you. That might relieve your stress."

"You don't think I haven't thought of that? You don't think I haven't mentally fucked you on every table in this place?"

"'Mentally fucking' and 'actually fucking' are two different things. 'Actually fucking' is far more satisfying. I've been 'mentally fucking' you all morning. I'd like to 'actually' fuck you. Now please."

She groaned and glared at me, leaning over so that her face was close to mine. Once again, her breasts were on full display. I gripped the table and fought the urge to shred her t-shirt and destroy her bra. The stainless steel edging crumpled under my fingers.

"You're not making this easy on me, you know that, right?"

"Do you think it's easy for me?"

"No, I think it's extremely hard, and that's the problem. I can see _exactly_ how hard it is."

She glanced at my swollen crotch.

I groaned, "Do you have any idea how torturous it is to sit here while you look at me like that?"

"Yes. I know exactly how torturous it is. You've been looking at me like that since you walked in here."

"Okay, good point."

"You're enjoying seeing me insane with lust for you, aren't you?"

"I'd by lying if I said I wasn't."

"See, I even find that unbelievably hot. And annoying."

"Should I apologize?"

"Yes."

"Well, you know nothing says 'I'm sorry' like multiple orgasms."

She grunted in frustration, which sadly, I also found unbelievably sexy.

"That's it. Shut up. I'm going. Don't watch my ass as I leave."

"Impossible. Your ass is spectacular."

She sighed heavily and glared at me.

"I'll shut up now."

She went back to work.

I opened the newspaper and tried to concentrate in it rather than her. It was exceedingly difficult.

The paper was full of articles about the murders, and in usual small-town style, the tone was half-scared and half-excited, because although the crimes were gruesome, there was finally something newsworthy happening in their tiny corner of the world.

Throughout the morning I pretended to ignore Isabella, even though my body vibrated with need whenever she was within three feet of me. I flicked through the paper and pushed the pie around the plate, occasionally bringing it up to my mouth and swallowing a foul-tasting forkful. I even made a trip to the bathroom to regurgitate the small amount that had made it into my useless stomach. After not having vomited for most of my eternal life, between the wolf-blood and human food, I suddenly seemed to be doing it a lot, and it wasn't at all pleasant.

I came out of the bathroom to find Isabella behind the long counter, bending over to retrieve napkins from a large cardboard box, her long legs completely on show, her panties peeking out from beneath her short skirt.

I was barely able to keep myself under control.

_God, it's been too long since I've been inside her._

I was hard in an instant as I fantasized about pulling her panties aside and sliding myself into her, feeling her incredible warmth engulf me as she moaned my name.

_Fuck. Yes._

She gasped and stood up, whipping around to see me staring at her. For a moment she just stared back, raking my body with her eyes, and I didn't need to be able to read her mind to know that she was fantasizing about me too.

I briefly considered dragging her into one of the bathrooms and locking the door, but even though there weren't many customers around, it would've still been far too obvious.

I needed her. Immediately. And judging by the look on her face and the hunger in her eyes when she stared at the hard bulge in my jeans, she needed me too.

She walked over to me, her scent getting more potent with each step, and when she was right in front of me she stopped and looked into my eyes.

"You need to pay your bill."

"Am I leaving?"

"Yes."

"With you?"

"Yes. I'm taking my lunch break."

"Isn't it a little early?"

"I don't care. I'm taking it. Now."

"Please tell me your lunch break will entail me being inside you for a significant amount of time."

"That's the idea."

"Excellent."

I pulled out my wallet and handed her two-hundred dollars to cover my bill.

"Edward..."

"Isabella, do you want to stand here and argue about the size of my tip, or do you want to take your lunch break so I can make you come repeatedly?"

She snatched the money and walked over the cash register, calling out, "Jess! I'm going on lunch!" before grabbing my hand and pulling me out the back door.

As soon as the door closed behind us, I pressed her against the wall and kissed her, hard and hungry. She groaned, and the sexual tension that had been simmering between us all morning exploded, hot and demanding, charging through lips and tongues and desperate hands.

"Isabella," I groaned breathlessly as she palmed my erection through my jeans, "usually I would be happy to have hours of foreplay so I could explore your body with infinite wonder and patience, but I haven't been inside you in over twenty-four hours, so please understand when I say I really, _really_ need to fuck you. Immediately."

"Oh, hell yes," she moaned as she grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the far end of the parking lot.

She stopped in front of what looked like a garage with a large sliding metal door secured with a thick chain.

"This used to belong to the local mechanic, but it's been vacant for a couple of years. I know it's locked but I figured you could...you know."

She made a breaking gesture and nodded at the chain.

I looked around. The parking lot was empty and I didn't hear any minds nearby, so I gripped the chain in both hands and wrenched it apart. Several broken chunks of metal fell onto the concrete and clanged loudly.

Isabella exhaled beside me.

"Oh, wow. That was so damn hot."

"Are you turned on by my strength, or that I'm breaking and entering in order to fuck you?"

"Uh...both."

"Okay. Just checking."

I quickly pulled the door open enough for us to slip inside and then closed it behind us as I felt Isabella reach for me, grasping at my back and shoulders. As I turned around, she pushed me against the door and began unbuttoning my shirt, her fingers fast and dexterous as her mouth moved to my throat.

"God, Edward," she moaned as she pulled my shirt open and kissed and sucked at my chest, "do you have any idea how fucking sexy you are?"

"Nowhere near as sexy as you," I groaned as I tangled my hands in her hair and leaned heavily against the door.

_Jesus__. Her mouth. So hot. I want it everywhere. Everywhere. Always._

I pulled her up to kiss me and the taste of her...the feel of her tongue...the warm and wet and smell and feel...I was drunk and high, and still I needed more.

"Isabella," I said as my mouth trailed down her throat, "if you didn't have to go back to work in half an hour I would shred these damn clothes right off your body."

"If I didn't have to go back to work in half-an-hour, I'd let you," she panted as she unbuttoned my jeans and reached inside.

A loud growl ripped through my chest as her fingers wrapped around my erection, and suddenly the fifteen times my own hands had mimicked her actions this morning seemed like nothing, because I could never hope to match the crippling pleasure of her hand gripping me...stroking me...strong and confident and utterly mind-blowing.

"Oh...God," I moaned as I quickly found myself on the brink of orgasm. "Isabella...wait...stop."

I grabbed her hand and stilled it, closing my eyes and breathing as I waited for the cresting wave inside me to subside.

"I thought you hunted this morning," she said, confused.

"I did. This isn't about controlling my bloodlust. It's about not wanting to come all over your hand."

To be honest, I did notice that my bloodlust was gradually increasing, and her scent was making my body ache for blood, but at the moment it was still dwarfed by my desperate need to join my body with hers.

"Just give me a second," I said, still basking in the feeling of her hand wrapped around me. I squeezed her fingers with mine and moved our hands, slowly stroking up and down my length. "God...you have no idea how incredible that feels, Isabella. Your hand...Jesus...I'm so close.

"Really?" she said, looking down at our joined hands moving across my desperate skin. "Even after all that...stress relief this morning."

"Yes. Even after all that."

"Wow."

"You have no idea how much you arouse me, do you?"

"Tell me."

"Isabella, I could make love to you every moment for the rest of forever and never tire of the feel of your skin against mine."

She groaned and bent her head to my chest, trailing hot kisses all over it, sucking at my skin as she continued to stroke me.

"God, Edward, I've been fantasizing about touching you like this all day. And I also can't stop thinking about..." Her voice trailed off.

"What?"

She kissed a trail down my abdomen, heading lower...and lower.

"I...God...I want to..."

Her tongue flicked out across the tip of my erection, and I flinched as I felt an enormous bolt of pleasure.

"Isabella...no," I groaned as I pulled her away. "Jesus...I want you to, but...I can't...I don't have the control to cope with that right now."

"Maybe later?"

"Maybe."

"Do you have any idea how much I want to pleasure you in that way?"

"Not as much as I want you to, believe me."

She was still stroking me, making me groan, and once again I had to stop her.

"Isabella..."

"Stop?"

"Yes. Please."

I stood there for a moment, just breathing...swallowing venom...reaching my hand down between her thighs and finding her...pushing her panties aside as my fingers explored her.

She moaned and gripped my arm as I circled my fingers, each pass causing her heartbeat to stutter and speed up.

Her face was magnificent. Her eyes burned into me as I watched the building pleasure tighten her muscles and darken her eyes.

"Isabella..." Her name was a plea on my tongue.

"Uh huh?"

"I want to eat you now."

"Uh...sexually?"

"Yes, sexually."

"Just checking."

"Of course. May I?"

"Oh, God, yes. Please."

I spun her around so her back was to the door and then quickly removed her panties before lifting her above me, her ass cradled in my palms and her legs hooked over my shoulders.

"Oh...Jesus...Edward, I'm going to fall."

"No you won't. I have you."

"I've...I've never done it like this before."

"Me either, but I'm pretty sure we're both going to enjoy it."

She gripped my hair as I looked up at her, flushed and beautiful above me.

"Lift up your skirt."

She did and I groaned as I looked at her. So beautiful.

I lowered her onto my mouth, and when her sweetness came in contact with my tongue, I couldn't help my loud, possessive growl.

_Jesus. __Her taste. Unbelievable. Mine. All mine. _

_More._

She moaned and I couldn't get enough of her sound or her taste. I licked and sucked at her greedily, and her legs locked around my neck as her thighs clenched and released.

The sweet flesh was so smooth, so delicious, pulsing fast and hot with her incredible blood. I growled against her and she moaned my name.

_Yes, Isabella. Say my name. Fuck, yes._

She was close. I wanted her to come like this, perched above me like a Goddess, gripping my head as my tongue brought her pleasure. I enveloped her with my mouth and sucked hard, and then I tried something I'd never done before: I flicked my tongue across her clitoris. Fast.

Vampire fast.

Within seconds she was crying out and gripping my hair, and her whole body bucked against the loud metal of the door, and still I kept going until her screams got so loud I feared we'd be discovered.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh GOD! EDWAAAAAARD!"

I lowered her down and kissed her, and without hesitating, pressed her against the wall and pushed myself inside her.

_Oh Jesus. __Yes. There. Right there. God, yes._

We both gasped and froze as our bodies embraced each other, and the beast started whispering to me about the sweet blood pulsing through her, around me, right next to where my head was buried in her neck.

I ignored him and started moving...slowly...carefully...relishing the incredible sensation of my body moving in hers.

"God...Isabella. There's nothing...nothing as incredible as being inside you. Not blood...not music...not poetry...not anything. Only this."

She kissed me and we moaned together as we rocked and thrust against each other, our breathing fast and ragged, our bodies greedy and demanding, wanting more. Wanting it all. Taking it, one gasp at a time.

I drew back from kissing her when my venom began flowing too freely, and the familiar and horrifying urge to bite her began building in tandem with my orgasm, but still I could feel my thrusts becoming harder, my fingers gripping her tighter. A low snarl started in my chest and my mouth automatically covered the thudding pulse in her neck. My tongue pressed against it, venom dripping behind my teeth as I felt the blood rushing just underneath the thin membrane of skin.

"Oh, Edward...God...yes."

The sick bloodthirsty part of me believed she could sense my bloodlust and wanted me to bite her - consume her blood as I was consuming her body - but I knew better. And yet, I still wanted it. I burned for it. And it was _right there_, pulsating and seductive, taunting and calling to me.

I wrapped an arm around her while my other hand braced against the door, gripping a wide steel beam with more violence than I could control, my fingers sinking into the thick metal as I thrust and begged the beast to stop screaming in my brain so I could just enjoy the wonder of her body.

I knew that when Isabella started panting my name and holding her breath, she was close, and I listened to the erratic hammering of her heart as her body tightened around mine and she whispered desperate moans into my neck.

I thrust faster, as hard as I dared, and then I could feel every muscle shudder as her orgasm overtook her, and I watched her beautiful face crumble and melt into a picture of pure ecstasy. She was stunning, and she was mine. Heart, mind, body and soul. Every part of her - mine.

"Isabella," I panted, "I love you."

Before I knew what was happening, I was mumbling profanity and murmuring her name and groaning to God and Jesus and all the saints as I felt my orgasm start to crest, and when she put her mouth close to my ear and whispered, "God, Edward, I love you too," I couldn't hold myself together any longer. I groaned, deep and low, and held her tight against me as I climaxed hard inside her, silencing the beast by crushing the metal beam in my right hand as I cradled her gently in my left, my head nestled against her seductive pulse as I panted and moaned through the final orgasmic tremors.

We both clung to each other for a few minutes as we recovered, our rough, uneven breathing echoing in the empty garage.

Eventually I sighed and kissed her, but before I could set her down, she moaned, "No. Stay inside me. Please."

_Damn. She said 'please'. There's really no arguing with that._

"It's almost time for you to get back to work," I whispered as I kissed her neck.

"I know," she replied, sighing and running her hands through my hair. "Just a few more minutes. Please."

I pushed into her more firmly and held her as I passed my lips over her incredible skin. She moaned and relaxed in my arms, just content to be joined with me.

"Edward, can I ask you something?"

I leaned back and looked into her face. Her eyes were worried and her bottom lip was between her teeth.

"I don't want to upset you, but I have to know."

I frowned.

"Isabella, you can ask me anything."

"It's just...with Tanya...I mean, she was so beautiful...like, ridiculously beautiful-"

"You're far more beautiful," I said cutting her off, and her resulting blush made me painfully aroused again. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open as she felt me grow hard inside her, and I knew without a doubt that no vampire on earth was as beautiful as my Isabella.

I couldn't fight the urge to move, but I kept my thrusts slow and shallow.

Isabella's heart rate skyrocketed.

"Uh...oh, God...it's really hard to concentrate...when you do that."

"Try," I said softly. "I don't want to stop, but I want you to keep talking."

"I can't remember what I was talking about."

_God, she feels amazing._

"Tanya?"

"Oh, yeah." She gripped my shoulders as her breathing became labored. "Well, oooh, Jesus...when I saw what she was letting James do to her on the DVD...and you said you'd done that with her too...oh...oh...yes...God, I love your cock..."

I smiled and pressed into her harder.

"Finish the sentence, Isabella."

She swallowed and closed her eyes for a second.

"Isabella? Do you want me to stop?"

"No...don't stop...I just..."

"Please, ask your question."

I kept moving in long, slow strokes, and she kept her eyes closed when she asked, "Do you think you'll ever get bored with me? Sexually? I mean, you always have to be so careful, and...well...was it better with her because you didn't have to hold back?"

I looked at her in shock, stilling my movement.

"You're joking, right?"

She opened her eyes and I immediately knew that she wasn't.

"Isabella," I said as I started moving again, faster, deeper; my whole body needing her to understand exactly how incredible it felt to make love to her, "did you know that in Tantric sex, they describe seven types of male orgasm?"

"Uh...no," she sighed as her hands wove into my hair and she rocked against me. "Oh...fuck, yes...just like that. Wait...you know about Tantric sex? Oh...wow."

I stepped away from the wall so I could look down to where we were joined, and dear Lord, the sight of me disappearing into her, over and over again was phenomenal.

"Edward?"

"Huh?"

"You were...Jesus...uh...saying something about...orgasms...?"

I changed my angle and she immediately ground herself against me, her hips circling, her breathing fast and shallow.

"The different types of orgasm vary in power and sensation," I groaned, my voice low and dark. "Number seven is described as the most powerful. A full-body orgasm."

Even as I spoke I could feel my orgasm building, tensing muscles and engorging skin, sending an escalating burn through my abdomen.

"Full-body orgasm?" she panted. "Yeah...okay...I'm familiar with that. What your point?"

"The orgasms I experienced with Tanya were a three, at best. They were friction resulting in ejaculation. Nothing more. Ohhhhh...fuck, I love being inside you."

I thrust faster. She matched me, writhing and groaning, her whole body needing what only I could give her.

"And with me?" she huffed as she threw her head back and moaned. "Where do I come on the scale?"

I gripped her hips and thrust desperately into her as I rapidly lost the ability to think coherently.

"On the scale of one to seven," I rasped as I felt her grip me fiercely, "you're about a twenty-five."

"Oh...Edward...God...yes..."

She slammed herself down on me and suddenly we were both coming and moaning and incoherent with pleasure, and I felt like my body wasn't big enough to contain all my sensations and emotions. I buried my head in her neck and clamped my jaw shut against the beast who was screaming at me to bite and tear, and all I could do was repeat her name, over and over again as the rest of the world faded into nothing.

...

Five minutes later we walked back into the diner on shaky legs, both of us glowing in the sort of way that screamed 'we've just had mind-blowing sex', the smiles on our faces too wide and immovable.

"Good lunch break?" Jessica asked sarcastically, knowing exactly what we'd been up to.

She studied Bella, her thoughts loud and incredulous: _Holy crap. Look at the grin on Bella's face. That hot-assed man has just fucked her into a million-dollar penthouse in Blissville. God, I bet he's a great lay. Look at him. Tall...gorgeous...arrogant as all fuck. I'm almost coming just looking at him._

"It was okay," Bella said, grinning widely and glancing at my still-swollen crotch. "Although I didn't get to eat as much as I would like."

Jessica rolled her eyes.

_Yes, Bella, we all know he's probably got a porn-star glory-cock. Stop __rubbing our faces in it, for fuck's sake._

"So, I thought you said that Jacob Black was sick," Jessica said, lining the salt-shakers up on the counter so she could refill them.

Isabella frowned as she fastened her apron around her waist.

"He is. Why? Did you call him?"

"Yeah, I did. His dad said he heard him watching TV in his room earlier but when he went to check on him an hour ago, he was gone. I think he's kind of freaked about it. Asked me to ask you if you'd seen him."

Isabella and I looked at each other, slow panic building between us.

If Jacob was as sick as Sam and the pack had led us to believe, he was in no condition to just wander off, and yet the alternative was equally unlikely. Surely James wouldn't have dared abduct him right in the middle of the wolves' territory. They would have ripped him apart.

I'd just pulled out my phone and dialed Carlisle's cell when I heard the bell over the door. I caught a whiff of wolf stench a second before a large fist pounded the side of my face. I looked up, snarling, to see Jacob Black's furious face, his body quivering with rage, his hands balled into tight fists at his side.

"I'm going to end you, you fucking undead piece of shit," he growled, his face shiny and slick with fever.

He reached into his pocket with a trembling hand and slammed something down on the counter so hard, the surface cracked.

It was a DVD with the words 'JACOB, WATCH ME' written in a familiar script.

_Oh, hell._

_This isn't going to end well._

...

...

...

...

* * *

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	14. Quiver

**Huge thanks, as usual, to my Beta-Goddess, Irritable Grizzzly. I'm so grateful for what she does for me it's actually bordering on pathetic.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, just a sick obsession with rewriting it.**

_**Last Chapter: Edward and Bella engaged in some...uh...lunchtime lovin', and then Jacob, who has been MIA since learning he was a shapeshifter, showed up at the diner, furious over a DVD that bad-guy, James, sent to him.**_

**On with the fun.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 14 - Quiver**

"I'm going to end you, you fucking undead piece of shit," Jacob growled, his face shiny and slick with fever.

He reached into his pocket with a trembling hand and slammed something down on the counter so hard, the surface cracked.

It was a DVD with the words 'JACOB, WATCH ME' written in a familiar script.

_Oh, hell._

_This isn't going to end well._

"Isabella," I said, backing slowly toward the rear exit as Jacob advanced on me, "call Sam. And Carlisle."

"What, you need backup?" Jacob taunted, his lips trembling as he forced a bitter smile. "Too afraid to face me alone, freak?"

He continued moving forward as Isabella raced to the phone on the wall and frantically dialed as she watched us with worried eyes.

"Yes, mongrel," I said quietly, "I _am_ afraid to face you alone, because if Sam and Carlisle don't arrive soon and stop me, I'm going to rip you into dripping pieces and traumatize all of these nice people."

He laughed and grit his teeth. "You have no idea how much I'm going to hurt you, leech."

"You have no idea how much I'd like to see you try, dog."

His foul stench invaded my nostrils and violent rage flared inside me - strong and primal and very difficult to deny. Not only was Jacob a shapeshifter, and therefore my natural enemy, he was also the only other man in the world who had put his hands on Isabella, and for that reason alone I wanted to destroy him.

Isabella glanced over at me as she spoke quietly on the phone, and I knew she was willing me to not hurt him.

_Dammit._

The beast bristled, hungry for violence and blood, but as usual, I had to deny him. Just for _once_ I wanted to let him have his way. I wanted him to take over so I wouldn't have to be the 'good guy'. I wanted to let all my darkness pour out, and revel in death and violence and mayhem.

But if I did that, my girlfriend would kick my ass.

I sighed in frustration and put on my good-guy mask.

"Jacob," I said as politely as possible considering I wanted to tear his head off, "let's go outside and talk about this."

The minds of the few customers in the diner screamed at me, yelling their excitement over the possibility of seeing violence, up-close and personal. Jessica's mind was particularly loud, the sight of two attractive men preparing for a fight causing her to become ridiculously aroused.

_God, humans really are barbaric sometimes._

"I don't want to talk," Jacob spat. "I want to smash your face."

_The feeling's mutual, asshole._

"Jacob, whatever you saw on that DVD...the man who sent it to you did it to anger you—"

"And it worked," Jacob grunted, his whole body trembling and quivering. "You fucking...touched her...when she was asleep. You...violated her. Put your filthy fucking parasite hands on her...all over her..."

His mind was a swirling mess of dark shadows and images of what he'd witnessed on the disc: me kneeling at the end of Isabella's bed; her naked and moaning; my head between her legs; the sounds of her groaning loudly as she orgasmed; me savaging my arm to avoid biting her.

_Jesus, that was more than a month ago. How long has James been watching us?_

I reached the exit and pushed through the door, desperately trying to get Jacob away from the humans before he completely lost control and phased. As far as I was aware he hadn't yet taken the final step to wolfdom, and it wouldn't be pretty if he did it in front of witnesses who would quickly become victims.

Then I'd have no choice but to hurt him.

"You want to take a swing at me, Jacob?" I said quietly as he followed me out the door and into the parking lot. "I'm more than happy for you to try, but why don't we go somewhere private so you can really let loose?"

_And if I lose control and decide to tear your heart out, there'll be __fewer witnesses_

His movements were jerky and tense, and I could tell he was trying to hold himself together. I backed toward the abandoned garage. Seemed as good a place as any to kick his ass.

"You...stole her..." He spoke through clenched teeth, his fists tight, his forearms bunched. "She was mine...and you...brainwashed her. Made her do things she never would have done..."

His mind filled with images of Isabella and me at the nightclub, grunting and groaning as we took pleasure from each other. In the vision, we froze as we heard his voice, and then I whispered to her about how she was mine and that I wanted him to see us together. Isabella told me to stop but I didn't. I kept fucking her until she came, wanting him to discover us. Wanting him to see he'd lost her.

I had to admit, if I saw another man do that to the woman I loved, I'd want to kill the guy too.

"Jacob, I understand that you're upset..."

"Upset?" he seethed, moving quickly toward me. "I'm not 'upset', bloodsucker. 'Upset' is how I feel if my football team loses, not when I find out an...undead FREAK has been fucking my girlfriend. I'm in a whole different universe to 'upset' right now. I'm fucking...homicidal. I'm going to kill you. Slowly."

I almost laughed. Now he was calling up really bad slasher film lines.

_Okay, Cullen, just stay cool. Do NOT antagonize the highly unstable wolf-boy. Get him away from the humans. THEN antagonize him. _

I pulled open the door to the garage, and a sudden whiff of scent greeted me. It smelled of Isabella...and me...and sex. Sex with Isabella. White-hot cock-exploding sex with Isabella. It made me hard just thinking about it.

Jacob smelled it too and growled, then looked at my swollen crotch and snarled.

_Well, this is awkward._

"You...you...you fucked her in here?" he demanded, quivering with rage.

I couldn't really deny it. I was sure there were various bodily fluids from both of us smeared all over the place, and his sense of smell rivaled mine.

_Best to be honest, I suppose._

"Yes, Jacob," I said seriously, nodding my head, "I did fuck Isabella in here. About ten minutes ago. And not to be an asshole or anything, but it was absolutely mind-blowing. I came extremely hard. So did she. Twice."

Okay, so maybe I kind of enjoyed the look of jealous rage on his face. A lot.

He lunged at me, but I quickly side-stepped, and as he stumbled into the large empty space, I slammed the door behind us, squeezing the metal of the door-jamb around the handle just in case any spectators tried to enter. Or Jacob tried to leave.

He swiftly recovered and swiped a huge fist at my head. I ducked and he embedded his hand in the metal door.

He wrenched it free and turned to face me, his muscles flexing and tight.

The boy was strong.

I was stronger.

He lunged at me, hard and fast.

I was faster.

I stepped around him easily and he grunted in frustration, spinning back around on himself and swinging his fist toward my face. I swatted his hand away and stepped back.

"Fight me!" he yelled, striding toward me. "Stop the fucking ducking and blocking and just fucking FIGHT!"

He swung again, and I jumped over his head and landed at the other end of the garage.

He spun to face me and roared in frustration, "FIGHT ME, YOU FUCKING UNDEAD COWARD!"

I reminded myself not to kill him. Yet.

He advance on me again, his face bright red and streaming with sweat.

"Jacob, calm down. You can't win a fight against me, and if I kill you...well...Isabella would be extremely upset."

"Yeah, well, if I kill you, I don't think she'd give a shit. In fact, she'd probably thank me so she wouldn't have to put up with your disgusting hands all over her!"

He lunged again and I ducked away, countering his every move, but becoming more and more distracted by the images of me and Isabella that were playing in his brain.

_Oh, God...us in the meadow...she's riding me. Fuck...she looks amazing...sinking down onto me...her hands on my chest._

Jacob's fist connected squarely with my jaw.

I shook my head to clear the pain.

"That hurt," I spat as we circled each other.

"Good," he said with a bitter smile, "you deserve pain for what you've done to her."

I laughed.

"Jacob, the only thing I've done is claim my mate and give her the pleasure she _never_ experienced with you. Don't be naive and think I've deceived her in any way. She's knows _exactly_ who I am and _what_ I am, and for some reason I can't quite fathom, she loves me anyway."

He stopped moving, a look of disbelief on his face.

"She...WHAT? She LOVES you? God, you're fucking deluded. Bella could never love a fucking leech like you."

"You're wrong," I said, quietly smug. "She loves me, Jacob, in a way she could never love you. You see, she's not really a 'dog' person."

I guttural roar tore out of his throat and he went berserk, fists flying at a dizzying speed, and although I tried to avoid his blows, several landed heavily on my face and body.

I was regretting that I had promised Isabella I wouldn't hurt him. Mind you, I did make that promise while she was stroking my rather desperate cock, so I'm pretty sure it could be classed as coercion.

After Jacob landed a particularly brutal roundhouse, I'd had enough and shoved him so hard in the chest he flew across the garage and smashed into the opposite wall, denting it badly, then fell to the floor in a heap, groaning as he struggled to stand.

_If you know what's good for you, Jacob, you'll stay down._

My phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket to answer it as I watched Jacob lurch to his feet.

_Idiot._

Isabella's panicked voice greeted me.

"_Edward, are you all right? Is Jake okay? What the hell was that? I'm outside and the whole place shook_."

"Jacob smashed into the side of the garage."

_"By himself?"_

"No, I helped him."

She groaned.

_"Is he okay?"_

"Well, he's tragically stupid, but that's hardly my fault..."

_"Edward..."_

"He's fine, but he won't be for much longer if he keeps insisting I fight him."

_"He's not thinking straight. Sam said that his rage is out__-of-control because he hasn't phased yet. He's denying the beast and it's making him crazy."_

_I know how he feels._

"You're dead, bloodsucker," Jacob mumbled as he stumbled forward.

"Well, now you're just stating the obvious," I said, as I easily avoided him.

_"Please, Edward,_" Isabella pleaded through the phone, _"none of this is his fault. Please...try not to hurt him."_

"I _am_ trying but he's not making it easy. Where the hell is Sam?"

"He's on his way. He and Paul were patrolling at the far end of the Quileute land so it'll take them a while to get here. He suggested that you try to provoke him into phasing so he can order him to stand down through the wolf-bond."

Frankly, I was surprised he hadn't already phased. His face was dripping with sweat and his body was trembling with rage. How much more would I have to taunt him before I caused him to snap?

_Only one way to find out, I guess._

"Okay, I'm on it," I said and hung up.

_I'm going to try really hard not to enjoy this._

Jacob was advancing on me again, his teeth clenched as he ran.

I ducked away, weaving as he started swinging.

"You know, Jacob," I said, sadness coloring my voice, "it's tragic to think that in the two years you were dating Isabella, you never _once_ gave her an orgasm."

He paused and glared at me.

"That's a fucking lie. Bella ALWAYS came when we had sex."

"Really?" I challenged. "I don't think so. Did you hear those noises she made on the DVD, when I was fucking her with my mouth, and hands, and cock? Have YOU ever caused her to make those noises, Jacob? Think carefully."

"Shut up," he said, the tendons in his neck standing out as he swallowed hard.

"And not only that," I continued, "you NEVER went down on her? Are you insane? Do you have any idea how much she enjoys that? How aroused it makes her? How delicious she tastes when she's coming on my tongue?"

"Shut the FUCK UP!" he bellowed, squeezing his eyes shut as his whole body began to tremble and quake.

I chuckled.

_Oh, I'm enjoying this way too much. Bad, Edward. Bad._

_Oh, well, too late to stop now. Plus...don't really want to._

"Oh, come on, Jacob," I goaded, "don't be like that. It's not your fault you're sexually inept. Some men have it and some men don't. I just happen to have it. All of it. And dear God in heaven, don't I love it when Isabella _screams my name_ in pleasure when I give it to her."

He grunted in pain and fell to his knees.

_Yes, Jacob...let the beast out to play. You'll feel much better__. Believe me. _

"And you know the best thing, Jacob?" I said, watching the pain contort his face. "The same night Isabella told me she loved me, she promised me something. She promised to be with me forever." He moaned, and writhed on the ground. "She said that she wants to become like me, Jacob. She wants to be a parasite. A leech. She wants me to bite her and inject her with my venom as I drink down her warm sweet blood until her heart stops beating. Then she's going to join me as an undead bloodsucking FREAK..."

Jacob screamed as his body exploded, his clothes shredding as the wolf emerged, huge, slathering, and furious.

_Jesus, he's enormous._

He snarled and padded towards me, his razor-sharp teeth white and wet in the dim light.

_Okay, Sam...he's in wolf-form. Order him to stand down._

_Do your Alpha thing and order him to stop._

He took another step forward. I stepped back.

_Now please. Before I have to annihilate him._

The Jacob-wolf kept stalking me, his head lowered, his lips pulling back from his teeth as his dark eyes glared.

_Anytime, Sam. Really. _

My phone rang.

"Isabella? He's not standing down."

"I know," she said, her voice sharp with panic. "He's ignoring Sam's directive. It shouldn't be possible but..."

A low growl filled the garage as Jacob lurched forward. I dashed around him, narrowly avoiding his snapping teeth. He turned and stalked me again, he head low to the ground by his eyes never leaving mine.

"Okay, so, do I have your permission to hurt him now? Because otherwise, this fight is going to be extremely one-sided."

"Edward, listen," she said, her voice dropping to a whisper, "there's quite a crowd gathering out here. You have to get out of there. Try and lure Jake into the woods. The pack will be here soon, but...I think someone has called my father."

_Shit. That's all I need._

"How long do I have?"

"Not long. He's on his way."

_Great_.

I retreated to the far end of the garage, knowing that at any moment Jacob could pounce and this whole situation could get very messy.

"Okay, I'm going to try to get him out of here, and also _try_ not to hurt him...too much...but if he rips my arm off again, I'm not going to be happy."

"I love you," she said softly, and I was touched at the concern I heard in her voice.

"I love you too."

Jacob snarled furiously and pawed at the concrete beneath his feet.

_Don't like me saying that to her, do you, dog? _

_Tough._

_She's mine. Has always been mine, from the moment she was created._

_I'm pretty sure if you looked over her body carefully enough, you'd find a tiny birthmark that read, 'Property of Edward Cullen.'_

I could feel the rage in him, the violence he was trying to deny. I knew the feeling - every muscle vibrating with primal, dark, ripping urges - deep and fierce.

He advanced on me as I retreated, but he didn't attack, even though I could feel he wanted to.

_Need more incentive, Jacob? I'm happy to provide it._

_Isabella's father will be here soon and I need to get you out of here. Now._

When I reached the far end of the garage I knew I had to work quickly. There was no exit at this end so I had to make one.

I could easily have torn the metal open, but that would mean turning my back on the large vampire-killing mutt.

_Time for plan B_

"You know what, Jacob?" I said lightly. "I know you can't stand that Isabella chose me over you, and that I've brought her pleasure she couldn't have comprehended when she was with you, but she's not the only treasure I've deprived you of. Oh, no. Remember the car you spent eight months restoring lovingly? Spending every waking moment converting it from a piece of crap into a slightly less tragic piece of crap?"

He stopped, curling his lips away from his huge dripping teeth.

"And you know the night your car got mysteriously flattened by a tree? Yeah...well...that was me, and my _God_ it was satisfying."

The Jacob-wolf snarled and lunged at me, swiping his deadly claws. I leapt into the air and he narrowly missed me, instead connecting with the metal wall, shredding it badly.

_And voila. Instant exit._

I landed behind Jacob and rushed at him, shoving his huge body against the weakened metal, the force of our momentum rending the wall open as we tumbled outside. Thankfully the back of the garage was away from the crowd that had gathered at the front, and close enough to the woods to give us an easy escape.

I took off, sprinting away from Jacob as he clambered to his feet and gave chase. Within seconds we were in the woods, and the cool damp of the pines surrounded us, shielding our unorthodox game of tag.

I had to admit Jacob was fast, but I was well-fed and had recently experienced incredible sex with the woman of my dreams, so I was feeling pretty good. Outpacing him was easy.

It occurred to me that if I actually slowed down and allowed him to catch me, I'd have an excuse to beat on him for a while before Sam and the pack showed up. It was tempting.

All the long years of denying my true nature...of suppressing my innate violence...had built up a craving for it that seemed to rush to the surface whenever I was around Jacob. Just smelling him conjured up a black, crawling need that made all my muscles quiver and my jaw clench.

_It would be easy. Stop. Turn. Fight._

_Jacob's strong. He'd offer me a challenge. I could hit him without holding back. I could let my full strength flood my muscles. Let my savagery out to play._

_Damn, it would feel good._

I could feel my excitement build as I entertained the thought. The beast was practically doing cartwheels.

Just as I'd made up my mind to stop and let Jacob take the first swing, I heard the other members of the pack approaching.

_Dammit._

The beast growled in frustration as I resigned myself to play nice. I led Jacob toward the pack, ready for Sam to take control of his newest charge.

I'd expected him to be grateful that I managed to keep Jacob free from public exposure and relatively unharmed. I'd expected some kind of grudging thank you. What I didn't expect was him to keep running at me and use his giant hairy head to smash me into a tree.

_Fucking wolves._

I dropped to the ground and cursed as I brushed splintered bark from my clothes.

As I watched, the whole pack phased into human form and Sam strode toward me, his face like thunder.

I read his thoughts before he reached me.

_Well, well, well._

_Maybe the beast will get a chance to come out and play after all._

_Excellent._

_..._

_..._

_..._

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	15. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

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**Chapter 15 - Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?**

**Bella**

When I heard the sound of rending metal and running feet, I quickly raced to the rear of the garage and saw the blur of Edward sprinting into the forest with Jacob at his heels.

The first thought I had was "_Oh, dear God, Edward's sexy when he runs_", followed quickly by, "_Wow. Jake's a wolf. A big red wolf. A big red wolf who's chasing my hot-as-hell vampire boyfriend. Holy Jesus, my life is completely bizarre."_

I quickly walked back to the few staff and customers that were gathered outside the garage and assured them the fun was over and the boys had left. They all mumbled questions about what happened and where they'd gone and I fed them something about it being a practical joke the boys thought would be hilarious.

I had no idea if they believed me or not, but I was pretty sure I was getting better at lying. I should be, considering how much of it I was doing recently. Practice makes perfect and all that.

Everyone moved back inside and after a few minutes, the diner was back to normal and most people carried on as if nothing had happened. It was fascinating that for the most part, people saw what they wanted to see, and believed what they wanted to believe, and the folks in Forks were no different. To them, this was just another blip of weirdness in our strange little town.

Jessica continued to refill the salt shakers and was mumbling something about wanting to have a three-way with Edward and Jacob. The way she'd been looking at Edward earlier made me want to straddle him right in front of her so she could see that he was mine, but realistically, I couldn't blame her for eye-fucking him. He was gorgeous.

I honestly couldn't get over his physical beauty. It astounded me.

At first, when I thought he was a figment of my imagination, he was faceless - a dark phantom whose mouth and hands were sexual magic. I never contemplated what he looked like, only how he made me feel.

When I suspected he was real, I actually tried to give him a face. In the week leading up to Halloween, all I could do was fantasize about what he looked like - his mouth, his jaw, his nose. I'd seen his eyes, but it was hard to place their unearthly color in a conventional face.

Then, at Halloween, he'd revealed himself to me, and nothing..._nothing_ could have prepared me for what I saw.

Perfection.

A perfection I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams because I could have never conceived a creature as beautiful as he was existing in my world. Wanting me. Loving me.

Even now I found it hard to comprehend his beauty. It was too much. Too much pretty and handsome and sensual and masculine and...Edward. Just too much. It made my brain falter and my body seize.

I could hardly blame Jessica for her reaction.

He was magnificent.

Of course that was only a small part of why I loved him. He was also sweet and strong, gentle and savage - so many conflicting parts making up a totally compelling whole. He was the man I'd always dreamed of yet never thought existed, but I think some small desperate part of me somehow knew that he was out there, looking for me. That's why I was so dissatisfied with Jake.

As great at Jake was - and I had to admit that he was a good man - he just wasn't Edward.

My heart sped up just from the mere thought of his name.

_Edward._

_My Edward._

My sexy, sarcastic, sweet man. So tortured and damaged by a past beyond his control. So fiercely optimistic about a future with me in it.

And the sex?

Oh my God.

It was like nothing I'd ever, EVER known. Beyond spectacular. Edward made my body feel things I didn't know it could. Couple that with the weird empathy that allowed me to feel what he was feeling...?

Yeah. Wow.

It's hard to describe how mind-blowing it was.

My whole body was blazing just thinking about it. My face was warm with desire, and every pulse of my rapid heartbeat made it redder and hotter.

I looked around to make sure no one had noticed how worked up I was.

Everyone was ignoring me except Jess. Of course.

"What?" I asked, organizing my receipts and trying to will the blood to drain from my face...among other parts.

"Where'd you meet Edward?" she asked, pushing an order through the galley window.

_Well, we officially 'met' in the woods one night, but that was after he'd been making me orgasm while I slept__._

"Uh...we...met here, actually," I said, fanning myself with my order-pad and revisiting the lie I'd told Charlie and Jacob. "He came in one day when he first moved to town and we became friends."

"No you didn't," Jess refuted, leaning on the counter and studying me with accusing eyes.

"Yes, we did," I insisted, calling on my newfound lying-powers.

"No, Isabella Marie Swan, you didn't," Jess spat.

"How the hell would you know?" I accused. "You're not here twenty-four-seven."

"No, I'm not," she admitted, "but I know every waitress who is and believe me, if that fine-assed piece of man-candy had been in here before, even once, I would've heard about it. Also, there are some men that women are incapable of being 'friends' with, and Edward is definitely one of those. As soon as you meet a guy like him, you're either fucking him, or wanting to fuck him. Either way, he's not your friend."

"Oh, really? So by that reasoning, you want to fuck my boyfriend?"

"Hell, yes," she laughed. "I'm sorry, was I being subtle about it?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"I would mount that man like a pony if he wasn't going out with you."

I'd almost pay money to see that, because I had no doubt that Edward's polite yet firm refusal would make my day.

"Well, if I wasn't going out with him, Jess, then I'd be happy to see you try."

She poured herself a Coke and took a sip, swirling her straw around in the ice.

"Look, Bella, you should be flattered. I haven't wanted to fuck anyone since Mike dumped my ass, but I almost came just from looking at your man today. It's a compliment. He's uber-hot. I'm jealous."

I sighed.

"Mike was an ass. You're better off without him. But you're right. Edward is hot. White-hot."

She nodded and I could tell she was getting emotional.

"It's just hard sometimes. I mean, I thought Mike and I would...aw, shit, you know. And then, today you have two gorgeous men in here fighting over you, and I can't even get a date? It kinda sucks. Big time."

"You'll find someone, Jess."

"In this town? Yeah, right." Tyler called 'order up', and she sighed and grabbed the plate from the window. "You're a lucky girl, Bella. I just hope you realize that."

She left me to deliver her order and I thought about how lucky and grateful I was that Edward was in my life. I pictured his face when he smiled and the intense fire in his eyes when he looked at me; the way his face crumbled when he was about to come.

Suddenly, I was blushing again and I desperately needed his cool hands to soothe me.

Everywhere.

I looked at my phone, hoping he'd call soon to tell me what had happened with Jacob and that he was on his way back. He'd only been gone twenty minutes and already I ached to have him with me again. To have him _inside_ me again.

_Jess is right. I'm either fucking him or wanting to fuck him._

_God, I have it so bad._

I shook my head and tried to clear him from my thoughts.

I needed to focus.

I really hoped he went easy on Jake. I knew there was no love lost between them, and realistically, that was my fault, but I did feel sorry for Jake. Not only did the poor guy have to contend with our break-up and becoming a wolf, he also had to endure watching whatever the hell James decided to show him.

I patted my apron to double-check the DVD was still there. I suddenly had a sick feeling in my gut as I considered who else James might have sent a copy to.

_God. Not Charlie. Please, not Charlie._

As if on cue, my father walked into the diner, looking around and frowning as he saw a distinct lack of brawling men.

He seemed calm. It didn't look like he'd received one of James' home movies, but I suspected it would only be a matter of time, and that made me very, very nervous.

"Hey, honey," he said as he took a seat at the counter. "Waylon called and said Jacob was here making a fuss over your new boyfriend. What happened?"

I eyed Waylon at the table near the door. He ducked his head behind the paper he was reading.

_Yeah, you__'d _better_ hide little man._

"Oh, Dad," I said, rolling my eyes dramatically, "you know how boys can be. Jake was bent out of shape about Edward, and they shoved each other around a bit, but then went on their way. It was nothing. Really."

"Uh huh," my father replied with his usual brand of cynicism as I poured him a cup of coffee. "Waylon said Jake punched Edward in the face."

_Screw you and your big mouth, Waylon._

"Well, yeah. He did. A little bit."

"He punched him a little bit?"

"Yeah, just once. Edward's fine. He's very hard." _Oh, Jesus. _"I mean...uh...he's..." -_ hard, hard, super-hard, fuck-me-against-the-wall-and-make-me-come-twice-hard_ - "...tough. Not...uh...easily hurt or anything."

My father grunted and loaded up his coffee with sugar.

"Yeah, well, your Mr. Cullen came and had a chat with me this morning, and I have to tell you, Bells, I don't trust the man. He's hiding something, and I really think you should cool things with him until I find out what it is."

I sighed. Apart from my dislike of Charlie pulling the protective-father card, I couldn't even begin to describe how completely incapable I was of cooling things with Edward.

Not possible.

"Dad, please, you have so many other things to worry about with the murders and everything, don't start looking for problems that aren't there." _- especially with my one-hundred-and-nine-year-old vampire boyfriend. _ "Edward's a little...eccentric"_ - and bloodthirsty -_ "...but he's a good person." _- despite the fact that he's killed heaps of people -_ "Please let it go." _Because whether you like it or not, I choose him. No one else will ever compare. Ever. It's him. Always him. Forever him._

Charlie studied me for a moment.

"Bells, you're my daughter. My _only_ daughter. You can't blame me for wanting to make sure you're safe, especially with all that's going on around here right now."

"I don't blame you, but...I...I really like him," _- I love him, in fact - fiercely and irrationally - and can't live without him -_ "...and I want you to like him too." B_ecause otherwise I'm going to hurt you by being with him anyway and that would pretty much suck._

He shook his head, and smirked.

"I don't dislike him, I just...don't trust him."

_If only you knew how hard he works to keep me safe, __you might cut him some slack._

"Still," he continued, "it's obvious he cares for you so...as long as he doesn't turn out to be a mass murderer, I guess I'll tolerate him."

I almost choked on my own tongue.

Charlie reached over and clapped me on the back.

"You okay, kiddo?"

"Yeah...fine," I croaked, "no problem."

He chuckled and sipped his coffee.

"I need this today," he muttered as he rubbed his eyes. "Had a terrible night's sleep last night. All sorts of weird dreams."

I narrowly avoided having another coughing fit by turning away and fiddling with the coffee machine.

"Oh, yeah?" I said, nonchalantly.

"Yeah. Kept having visions of people in my bedroom. Now, I'm tired as hell."

"Well," I said, composing my face and turning to look at him, "try and get out of work at a decent hour tonight and get some solid sleep then. Understand?"

He nodded and sipped his coffee.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll try to."

He then proceeded to devour two pieces of apple and blueberry pie, and I broke the news that I wouldn't be home tonight since I was going to the Cullens' for dinner. He tried to hide his disapproval when I told him I'd probably be staying the night, and I was grateful he made the effort to be understanding, even if he didn't actually succeed.

After he left, the hours dragged by. I tried calling Edward several times, but he didn't answer, and I was starting to get worried.

Surely the pack had subdued Jacob by now and was back at La Push, but if that was the case then why wasn't Edward here? He wouldn't leave me alone this long without good reason.

Just remembering the state he was in last time he tangled with the wolves made me sick with worry.

The rest of the afternoon passed slowly, and the lack of customers only made me obsess more about Edward. I was a tangle of nerves and tried to keep myself busy by obsessively cleaning the tables, but it was only when I stopped to try him again that I realized I was unprotected. No one had been with me all afternoon.

I hurried to the front window, terrified that I'd see James glaring back at me from across the street. He wasn't, but I did spy Edward's car where he'd parked it earlier, and seated behind the wheel was Alice, watching the diner intently.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

She must have been there since he left.

When she saw me she waved and smiled, tapping her watch to indicate my shift was nearly over and giving me the thumbs-up.

I smiled and went back to finish the set-up for the night shift.

Half an hour later I collected my tips, tucked Jakes' DVD into my purse, and climbed into my truck, not surprised to see a silver Volvo following me.

When I got home I jumped in the shower to remove the grime of the day. My anxiety over being away from Edward was getting unbearable. I felt like my whole body was filled with crawling tension and I needed him to make it better. I let the warm water run over my body and tried to relax, but with every passing second I wasn't with him, I felt more and more anxious. I sighed in frustration and shut off the water, wanting to get to his house as soon as possible. I hoped he was there.

I wrapped a towel around myself and entered my room to find an outfit laid out on my bed, with Alice perched on the windowsill.

I stared at the pleated skirt and turtleneck sweater she'd chosen and looked at her questioningly.

It was hardly cutting-edge fashion. In fact, in was extremely conservative.

"Trust me," she said with confidence, "that outfit will make Edward lose his mind."

Then she leapt out the window, allowing me some privacy, and when I was ready, I opened the front door to find the Volvo waiting for me, the passenger door open as the stereo blared Kelly Clarkson.

"Bet you didn't know Edward was into chick-rock," Alice teased as she started the engine.

I laughed and climbed in, immediately comforted by Edward's strong scent.

I breathed deeply, sighing and tilting my head back into the seat as it filled me.

_God, I need him. Right now. Please, Edward..._

"Alice—" I began.

"I don't know where he is," she said, knowing where I was heading and cutting me off. "I haven't been able to see him since Jocob walked into the diner. Jasper went after them and called a little while ago to tell me everything's fine, but he got cut off before I could get any details. I assume he's with Edward, Emmett and Rose because they've all been off my radar for hours."

I exhaled, trying to stay calm.

"But Jasper said they were okay?" I asked nervously.

She pulled out of our driveway and sped down the road.

"Well, yes, but he was hiding something. I tried calling him back, but he's not answering."

"Alice..."

"I'm sure they're fine, Bella," she said, her voice not convincing at all. "Really. Don't worry."

I couldn't help but worry, but I accepted that if Alice thought they were in real danger, she'd do something about it.

"So, tonight...is there someone watching Charlie?" I asked, worried that pulling the Cullens off protection detail would endanger him.

"The pack is patrolling tonight," Alice assured me, "and apparently there are two new wolves watching Charlie. Seth and Leah?"

"Leah? I thought the wolf thing was just for boys. And God, Seth is just a kid."

"Well, they've both phased. As the number of vampires has increased in Forks, so has the number of wolves."

I looked at her.

"So there's now...seven of them and seven of you?"

"Well, eight of us if you count James, but yes."

"Thank God you guys have a treaty, huh, or this whole situation could get really messy?"

Alice nodded, her face tense.

"Alice, what exactly are the terms of the treaty?

She glanced at me. "Well, originally we were banned from trespassing on their lands, but Carlisle and Sam have done away with that so we can cross-patrol to look for James; however, the most important condition of the treaty is that we don't harm any humans. If we do, even if we're...provoked..."

"The treaty's over?"

"Exactly. The wolves would waste no time in hunting us down."

A cold chill ran down my spine.

"So...if James succeeds in getting Edward to...hurt me...you're all in danger."

She nodded.

"The wolves are barely tolerating us as it is. They don't trust us, and think that it's impossible to deny our thirst for human blood indefinitely. That we've abstained from drinking from humans for so long is irrelevant to them. In their eyes, we'll always be an unacceptable danger and should be wiped out."

"But that's ridiculous!" I said, immediately angry with the wolves' narrow-mindedness. "You've all struggled so hard against your nature to protect humans! Carlisle saves people's lives, for God's sake. How much more proof do they need that you can be trusted?"

Alice looked at me, obviously choosing her words carefully.

"Bella, even though we abstain from human blood...that doesn't mean we can be trusted. I mean, we're like alcoholics who live in a liquor store. The temptation is always there. _Always_. Even sitting in this car with you right now is difficult for me. None of us can let our guards down for a second around humans, because all it takes is one moment of weakness for someone to die."

Her words chilled me. I guess I hadn't thought about it like that before. I'd seen Edward's epic struggle with his bloodlust, but I thought that was just because my blood was special to him. I didn't realize that all of them struggled...constantly.

As if sensing my thoughts Alice said, "Bella, I don't think you realize how incredible it is that Edward's managed to resist your blood for as long as he has. It's almost inconceivable for a vampire to be able to deny draining his singer. None of us have ever heard of it happening. Usually when a vampire smells his singer, the rush of bloodlust is so intense, so impossibly compelling, that he reacts on pure instinct, not even realizing what's happened until the high of the blood has worn off. The strength Edward has shown being near you...touching you...God, making love to you...it's...well, it's astounding."

I felt a rush of pride on Edward's behalf. He'd never made a secret of how hard it was to be near me, but I hadn't realized just how remarkable his control was.

I often felt his bloodlust simmering beneath his calm surface, but finding out that he was the only known vampire in the _world_ to resist his singer? It was just another in my long line of reasons why he was so special.

We pulled up to the house and Alice parked the Volvo in the huge garage. It was the first time I'd seen inside the long building and I marveled at the number of cars it contained.

"Holy shit, Alice! How many cars do you people own?"

She laughed and answered, "Too many. It's one of our weaknesses. Most of the collection is still up in Alaska. Edward has the most. I think his current total is twenty-three."

I stared at her in disbelief as we climbed out of the car and walked toward the house.

"Twenty-three? What the hell? He can't possibly drive them all."

"Well, about half are collector's items and in storage, but the other half? Yeah...he drives them. He loves to drive. Fast. I think it started as a way for him to get out of the house when the rest of us were getting...amorous. He never said anything, but it was clear he was really uncomfortable around so much affection."

I stopped and looked at her.

"Why? Surely he could have had someone if he wanted to."

Alice nodded.

"Of course. He's had countless offers over the years, but in case you haven't noticed, Edward's not really into doing things by halves. He was living with couples that had found their mates and saw the depth of our bond and didn't want to settle for anything less. I felt so bad for him because it was obvious that he was desperate to find someone, but it just never happened for him."

I frowned. "But...Tanya..."

"Tanya pursued Edward tirelessly from the day she first met him, and he was always extremely polite when he turned her down, but she was relentless. I think he finally caved because he was too tired to keep fighting her off. Unfortunately, he found the whole experience so unsatisfying, it made him even more depressed about not finding his true mate. That's why he left the family. He couldn't stand to be around us anymore, because he believed we had what he never would."

The thought of him being so unhappy for so long made me choke up. He was so incredible. So loving, and sensitive, and sexy, and so many other things that I couldn't even describe.

I struggled to imagine what my life would've been like if he hadn't come across Jake and me in the meadow that day. Would I still have that restless feeling in my gut that something was wrong? That I was missing something? That I was constantly waiting for a major revelation that never came?

Would he have continued to be alone? Forever?

The thought made my chest ache.

Alice touched my arm gently.

"When I had my first vision of you, Bella...I knew you were the one. I saw you in the meadow, looking for him, but Edward was crazed and I envisioned him draining you. I have no idea how he found the strength to stop himself, but I'm so glad he did. You've made my brother come alive again. He smiles now, and laughs and...God, Bella...he hasn't done those things for so long. It killed me to see him so unhappy. I'm so grateful he found you."

I remembered that day in the meadow so clearly. I knew he was there. I felt this pull toward…something…and even though I looked into the forest and all I saw were trees, I felt it all: his eyes on me, his lust for me; his turmoil. Even though I sensed I was in danger, I also had a weird sensation of relief, like I'd had a sickness and had finally found a cure.

"I'm grateful he found me too," I said, instantly craving him desperately. I needed to feel his arms around me to remind me he was real.

Alice stopped suddenly and gazed off into space.

"Oh...he's left the wolves...I can see him," she mumbled. "He's running...fast...oh, God...what the hell has he done to himself?"

"What?" I asked urgently. "What do you see?"

She blinked a few times and then looked at me, a huge smile spreading across her face.

"Don't worry," she said as she gave me a quick hug and pulled me toward the house, "he's fine, and he'll be home soon. And when he gets here..." She giggled. "Oh, Bella, we are going to have _so_ much fun!"

"Alice..."

"Come on. I promise he's okay."

I wanted to push her to tell me more, but as we walked through the front door, I was assaulted by a barrage of delicious smells. My mouth flooded with an embarrassing amount of saliva.

"Bella!" Esme called as we entered the kitchen, rushing over to hug me firmly. "Welcome, sweetheart. It's so wonderful to have you for dinner."

I stopped short due to her choice of words.

She laughed at the expression on my face.

"Oh, honey, that was just a little vampire humor. I'm kidding. I hope you like Italian. I have fourteen courses for you tonight."

"Fourteen?" I laughed. "Very funny."

"No, Bella," she said seriously, "that wasn't a joke. I've been cooking all day. I really hope you're hungry."

I stopped laughing.

"Uh...I...wow...fourteen?"

"Plus dessert!" she said happily as she went back to cooking. "Shouldn't be too long. Could you pop down to the basement and let Carlisle know we'll be eating at seven?"

"_We'll_ be eating?" I asked.

"Well..._you'll_ be eating. We'll be watching, and cheering you on, and maybe asking you questions you'll probably be uncomfortable with."

I bit my lip.

"Is that a joke?"

She smiled and shrugged. "Maybe."

Alice stood behind her and mouthed, "_No, it's not_."

I laughed and made my way down the basement stairs to find Carlisle tinkering with something on his lab table.

"Bella," he said warmly as I stopped beside him, "dinner's at seven. I heard. My wife knows very well I can hear every word she says. I think it's adorable she still feels the need to send people to give me messages."

"Maybe she just thinks that like most husbands, you've developed selective hearing."

He laughed. "If that ever happened, believe me, she'd beat it right out of me. She may look sweet and motherly, but she's vicious if provoked."

"_I heard that_!" Esme called down the stairs.

"I love you, honey!" Carlisle replied, smiling.

"_Lucky, or I'd have to beat you!_"

He laughed again, and it was clear he absolutely adored her.

"So, Bella, while you're here, I'd really like your help with something."

"Sure."

I found it quite hilarious the super-hero vampire-doctor needed my help, but I politely waited for him to inform me of my mission.

He held up a large lethal-looking syringe filled with a small amount of what appeared to be blood. "Could you please stab me with this?"

I sputtered and backed away.

"Bella," he laughed, taking my hand and pulling me back to the table, "I assure you, it's perfectly harmless. I could always stab myself, but I think it would be valuable to know if this is something you could use against James if he ever gets close to you. I just need to see if you can make the needle penetrate my skin."

"Jesus, Carlisle..."

"It's a titanium/stainless-steel alloy, and with a psi of over two-hundred-thousand, I'm hoping it has the tensile strength to puncture vampire skin. Still, you're going to have to put some force behind it, so please, don't hold back."

He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it, laying it down neatly on the table.

"Uh...I...should really help Esme with dinner," I muttered as I gaped at Carlisle's body.

_Wow. I know he and Edward aren't really related but...damn. Hotness definitely runs in the family._

"Bella, it will only take a minute," Carlisle said, smiling. "Besides, I'm fairly certain my wife has dinner completely under control."

He placed the syringe in my hand and urged me to stab him.

"Go ahead. As hard as you can, please."

"Oh, God..."

"Please, Bella. For science."

I sighed and pulled my arm back, bringing the syringe down onto his chest as I winced and squealed. The needle bounced off his skin and ricocheted onto the floor.

"I think you can do better than that," he chastised with a smile as he handed the needle back to me and urged me to try again. "Come on. Really give it to me."

I inhaled and channeled my inner Norman Bates as I grunted and stabbed him in the chest with all my might.

The needle punctured his chest with a dull popping sound and he clapped in delight as it lodged deep into his pectoral.

"Excellent, Bella! Well done!"

I felt sick. And a little bit proud.

There was a sudden hiss and the blood in the syringe was injected into Carlisle's chest. His eyes widened, and he leaned one hand on the table as he bit his lip.

"Oh...oh...ow."

He pulled the syringe out and banged it on the table, his face contorted with pain.

"Oh...God...right...yes...good. Unbelievably painful. Truly. I feel like I'm going to pass out. This is perfect."

"Carlisle!" I cried in alarm as his knees gave out and he crumpled to the floor, groaning loudly. "Help!" I called up the stairs. "Esme! Alice! Hurry!"

"It's all right," Carlisle moaned, pressing his hand against his chest. "I'm...oh...excuse me, Bella, but I think I'm going to swear now." He squeezed his eyes shut and roared, "GODDAMMIT!" before rolling onto his side and groaning again.

In a flash Esme and Alice were at his side asking what was wrong.

"I'm fine," he whispered between muttered curses. "I'm conducting experiments with wolf-blood...trying to see if we can use it as a weapon against James. The good news is I definitely think we can. The bad news...oh, GOD...is if this pain doesn't stop soon, I want you to kill me."

Esme bent over him and studied his chest and the small patch of perfect, pink skin surrounding the puncture wound.

"Carlisle!" she gasped, prodding the skin with her finger. "Look at this—"

"OH, HELL, ESME!" he bellowed. "Don't touch it!"

She flinched and stroked his hair.

"Sorry, honey. That hurts, huh?"

"You have no idea," he groaned as he battled through the pain. "Alice, my laptop."

She dashed to it and typed as he made observations.

"Injection of five milliliters of wolf-blood produced...oh god..._massive_ amounts of pain, probably caused by the genesis of regenerative cells into dead tissue."

He looked down at the pink patch on his chest which was slowly fading and blending back in with the rest of his flesh.

"Effects seem temporary, and pain diminishes after approximately two minutes. Two incredibly _long_, _agonizing_ minutes. I assume the time frame depends on the volume of blood injected, although I don't know if I'm willing to endure more pain to test this hypothesis."

Esme smirked and said, "Oh, you boys. You get a little boo-boo and you whine like it's the end of the world."

Carlisle glared at her and replied, "Well, dear wife, please feel free to be the test subject in the next experiment and we'll see how well you cope."

"You're on, husband," she teased. "Everyone knows women have a higher pain threshold than men."

He took a few deep breaths before sighing and getting to his feet.

As he watched, the pink patch faded completely.

"Hmmm...it seems our venom eventually breaks down the wolf-blood."

He typed on the laptop for a few more seconds before looking at me and smiling.

"Well," he said, pulling his shirt back on, "that was extraordinarily...interesting. Thanks for your help, Bella."

"Uh...sure," I said as Esme refastened his buttons and hugged him. "Anytime you want to be stabbed and subjected to massive amounts of pain, I'm your girl."

They all laughed - a lot - and I didn't know why. It wasn't that funny.

Suddenly Alice went completely still and her eyes glazed over. A few seconds later she grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs.

"He's almost here. Oh, this is going to be awesome. Come on, you guys. Quick!"

She led us back to the kitchen and instructed us to look busy. I picked up a carrot and started dicing it as Esme and Carlisle stirred things on the stove.

"Now," Alice said excitedly, "just act cool. Esme, Edward's going to dirty your floors. React to it, but don't freak out over his appearance. Carlisle, improvise. You'll see what I mean. Bella, he's going to look bad, but he's fine. He's going to want to...touch you...and stuff. Don't let him until he cleans up."

"But, Alice..." I protested.

"Trust me," she said, giggling. "It's going to be so worth it to see his reaction."

_But...I'm dying for him to touch me. Why can't I let him touch me?_

We continued our kitchen business, and my heart started thumping with excitement when I heard the front door open, followed by footsteps heading toward the kitchen.

_He's here, he's here, he's here!_

_Oh, thank GOD. _

Just knowing he was in the house relieved a little of my tension, which was quickly replaced by the need to rub my naked body against him at the earliest opportunity.

I kept dicing and tried to calm my storm of desire. I could feel the air around me get thicker as he came closer.

_Edward, I need you. God, I need you so much. Please let Alice's practical joke be over quickly so I can have you._

The footsteps stopped in front of us and I resisted looking at him until he mumbled a low, "Hi." I raised my eyes, and as I took in his appearance, my jaw hit the floor.

...

...

...

* * *

**Uh oh. What has WindowWard been up to? N****aughty vamp.**

**If you want to chat, come find me on Twitter.**

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**Thanks for reading, **

**K****iya x**


	16. Edible Delights

**Welcome back, sweet readers.**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable Grizzly. She has hot bewbs and an even hotter mind.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did then I'd have enough money to buy a monkey. That would be cool.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 16 - Edible Delights**

**Bella**

I stood slack-jawed with disbelief as I took in Edward's appearance.

As far as I could tell, he wasn't wounded, but he was practically naked, and absolutely filthy. I wasn't talking about a little smear of dirt here and there like I've seen in the past; but caked-on mud and grass and all manner of things I didn't even want to think about. Still, the sight of his bare chest, even slathered in mud, made my hands itch to touch him; to push through the dirt to get to the cool perfection of his skin.

On the bottom half, his dark jeans were practically shredded, both legs completely torn off from the top of his thigh. What was left could only be described as 'hot-pants'.

_God, his legs...oh, dear Lord...gorgeous, long, muscular legs._

My eyes flicked between his legs and his chest, stopping intermittently on the scrap of denim in-between and trying to decide where to ogle first. It wasn't easy. He looked like a wild-man, feral and savage, untamed and ferocious. I wanted to be feral with him, release all sense of civility and control, and just give in to the ancient urges he brought out in me, passionate and undeniable, raging desire and hungry skin.

"Isabella," he rasped, his voice dark and lustful, and it took everything I had not to go to him.

His face was almost black with dirt and the gold of his eyes glowed in stark contrast, staring at me with obvious hunger. His hair was even more riotous than usual, and I could see whole twigs with leaves still attached poking out from the muddied strands.

_What the hell happened to him?_

I desperately wanted to ask, but I knew that would ruin Alice's fun. Instead I stared and tried to keep myself under control, forcing my face to be placid as I fantasized about what I'd like to do to him.

I imagined washing him...slowly; sluicing water over his nakedness and gradually revealing the perfection beneath the chaos. I wanted to press myself against him in the shower and run my hands over his firm planes and lean muscles; brush across the smooth lines hidden by the dirt; make him gleaming and hard.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was so close and I ached to touch him. A rush of lust bombarded me and I knew it was from him.

God, his eyes. His eyes were killing me.

"Edward!" Esme exclaimed, startling me. I'd forgotten there was anyone else in the room. "Look at the filthy footprints you've tracked into the house! I polished these floors this morning. Have some respect, for goodness sake!"

He looked at the mess behind him and then back to her.

"You're worried about your floors?" he asked, sarcastically. "What about your son? Where's your motherly concern?"

"Oh, sweetheart, you're right," Esme said gently. "I am worried. I haven't seen Emmett or Jasper all afternoon. I hope they're all right."

Edward's face darkened.

"Edward," Carlisle said mildly as he stirred what looked like soup, "I had some interesting test results earlier with the wolf-blood. I was counting on you being around to help, but I guess you had more interesting things to do than hang out with your old man, huh? Did you have a good day?"

Edward looked at him in disbelief.

"Actually...no, Carlisle. I didn't have a good day...I mean...look at me."

"Dammit, Edward," Alice huffed, gesturing to the scrap of fabric covering his crotch, "those jeans were Diesel. How do you expect me keep you well-dressed if this is how you treat your clothes? It's like you just don't care. Honestly, you're such a boy sometimes. And now you look like a half-price rent-boy at that."

He looked down at himself and stammered, "Well...Jesus, Alice, it's not like I tried to..."

Alice nudged me and I realized it was my turn.

"You've been away from me for hours!" I cried, glaring at him. "I had no idea if you were dead or alive? I called you twelve times, Edward. Twelve! Why didn't you call me back?"

A flashed of lust glinted in his eyes as he glared back at me.

_Uh oh. He's onto me._

"I was a little busy, actually, training some dogs to respect their elders," he said, his voice seductively rough. "Also, my phone was demolished. I apologize. Would you like to punish me?"

_Oh, God, yes. Let me punish you by fucking you senseless. Please._

I had a sudden urge to stop playing Alice's game and demand to know what he'd been doing all afternoon, but honestly, he was so damn sexy when he was being teased that instead I chose a topic I _knew_ would get under his skin.

"So, what happened with Jake? Please tell me you didn't hurt him."

_Oh, I'm so evil. Look at him. All dark eyes and glowering brow. Jesus, he's sexy when he's angry._

He growled low in his chest.

_Oh...fuck._

"Jacob?" he snarled. "You're worried about JACOB? Look at me, woman! I've been dragged halfway to Canada this afternoon, and you're asking about freakin' JACOB?"

His eyes were darkening more each second and I felt mine doing the same.

_It's wrong I find this so arousing. Wrong, wrong, wrong._

_Not to mention dangerous. It's probably not wise to piss off my super-strong, super-fast vampire boyfriend. _

_Not wise, but God, soooo hot._

"Just answer the damn question," I said, my voice sounding stronger than I felt. "Did you hurt him or not?"

His eyes flashed again, and a small groan escaped me.

_Fuck me, you hot-assed man. Please. Now._

He started walking toward me, but Alice stepped between us and cut him off. He growled at her and she stifled a giggle.

"So you and the wolves sorted your differences then, big brother?"

He huffed in frustration and kept his eyes on me as he said, "Alice, you know very well what happened today and I don't really want to talk about it right now, so if you don't mind, I need to kiss my evil girlfriend who I'm currently craving more than blood."

He stepped around her and moved over to me, stopping a few inches away and looking down at me with knee-buckling need.

"You enjoy teasing me, don't you?" he asked, his voice dark and low.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"It arouses you."

"Yes."

"It arouses me too."

"I know. Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Not now."

"Later?"

"Yes. Did you miss me today?"

"Are you seriously asking me this question?"

"Yes."

"You know the answer."

"I want to hear you say it."

"Out loud?"

"Is there any other way?"

"Good point."

"Please, Isabella."

"I missed you. You have no idea how much I missed you. I always miss you. Even when you leave the room."

He closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed several times. When he opened them they were less desperate, but roamed all over my face as if he was trying to memorize it.

"How much did you miss me?"

"There's no unit of measurement big enough to describe."

"Good answer."

"Your turn."

He exhaled, "God, I've missed you so much. I've been craving to see you from the moment I left the diner. I really need to kiss you. Now...please..."

He stepped forward and reached out a muddy hand toward my face.

I stepped back, and Alice practically doubled over in laughter.

"Uh...could you possibly get cleaned up before you touch me?" I said, grimacing. "You're kinda gross."

He froze, his hand hovering in mid-air.

"You...uh..what?"

_Oh, I'm going to hell for doing this to him. He's going to spank me. Oh, God yes. Please let him spank me._

"You heard me, vamp-boy," I said firmly, savoring the his reaction. "I don't want you touching me until you've cleaned up. Get your filthy ass in the shower. Now."

Esme snorted, trying not to laugh. Alice didn't bother trying and guffawed loudly.

He dropped his hand and fixed me with a hungry look which made my toes curl.

_That look...sweet holy mother. That look makes me crazy._

He broke from my gaze and turned to scowl at his hysterical sister.

"You put her up to this, didn't you?" he accused.

Esme and Carlisle burst out laughing and I couldn't help but giggle too. He gave us all a withering glare before shaking his head and striding toward the staircase.

"I hate you all," he muttered as he dashed up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

Alice could barely breathe she was laughing so hard.

"Oh, God," she giggled, gripping the kitchen bench for support. "That was priceless. Bella, you're the best."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," I said, sighing and shaking my head to clear it of my Edward-haze, "but if he murders me later, I really hope you feel bad. Now, what the hell happened with the wolves?"

"Yes, that's what I'd like to know," Carlisle added.

"Me too," Esme agreed.

Alice gave us a coy smile and said, "I think Edward should tell you. I'm already in enough trouble with him."

"Has the treaty been compromised?" Carlisle asked.

"Uh...no," she answered cryptically, "but the wolves aren't very happy with us. They're just bad sports."

"Alice..."

"Carlisle," she sighed, "I don't know all the details. Edward and the others will tell us about it later, I promise."

Carlisle made a small disapproving noise. "The others? They're in on this too?"

Alice nodded. "They're on their way back now."

Carlisle sighed and went back to helping Esme. "Honey, why couldn't one of us have the ability to control our children? That would have been very helpful."

Esme nodded and murmured, "You're preaching to the choir, sweetheart."

A few seconds later I felt a rush of wind and suddenly a hard body was at my back as cool lips pressed against my cheek.

"Do I have your permission to kiss you now?" Edward murmured into my ear as his arms snaked around my waist.

I gasped and turned to face him.

He was spotless and wearing a soft v-neck t-shirt, distressed designer jeans and a clean pair of shoes. I inhaled his scent along with a hint of citrusy soap and shampoo. His hair was still damp and fell haphazardly across his forehead.

_Oh, hell._

If I thought he looked sexy caked in dirt and grass, then the amount of sexy he was currently exuding, all clean and smelling like a summer's day, was off the damn charts.

"Wow, that was fast," I breathed as I reached up to touch his cheek, his skin still warm from the shower.

"Not being able to kiss you is remarkably good motivation for express cleanliness," he said as he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine.

As usual, when my body was within five feet of his, the strange tangle of his emotions and mine twisted together, and I was left breathless by our combined desire. I tried to restrain myself as I moaned and stood on my toes to kiss him back, because I knew his family was standing right next to us, watching, but there was really no controlling my body's reaction to him. I wanted him. Fiercely. And by the feel of his body as he pulled me against him, his need for me was just as extreme.

He groaned as he kissed me, his voice low and thick, and I had the very uncharitable thought that I didn't care about all the trouble Esme had gone to with her epic meal, I really just wanted to be in his room, naked and on my knees, eating _him_.

"Okay, okay," Alice said, standing beside us and tapping Edward on the shoulder as he kissed me more passionately, "let's just simmer down before Jas gets here and this tinder box of lust burns the whole house down.

We pulled apart breathlessly, and I turned to see Esme and Carlisle with their arms around each other, smiling in that proud sort of way parents do when they're so happy for their children they could cry.

"Oh...Edward...Bella," Esme whispered, full of emotion and touching her fingers to her lips.

"I know, right?" Alice sighed. "Aren't they just the epitome of adorable?"

Edward glared at his sister.

"Alice, I've told you time and again - you are banned from using the 'A' word around me. It's...unmanly. You have an abundance of other adjectives available. Find one."

She narrowed her eyes in concentration.

"Uh...what about 'cute'?"

"No."

"Charming?"

"No."

"Darling?"

"No."

"Delectable?"

"No."

"Delightful?"

"No."

"Precious?"

"No."

"Cherubic?"

"Cherubic? Jesus, Alice, _no_. I'm a vampire, for God's sake, not Cupid."

"Well, you don't seem to like any of the alternatives to 'adorable' so I guess you're stuck with it."

He sighed and pulled me into his arms. "Fine. I don't care. My woman knows I'm not adorable. Right?"

I looked up at him and winced. "Well, when I tease you're a little bit adorable."

He glared. "No I'm not. Stop agreeing with my sister."

Alice laughed and hugged us both.

"See? _Adorable_."

Esme started plating food and ordered Alice and Edward to take things out to the table. I watched him shift between rooms, all long legs and lean muscles. He moved so sinuously, like a cat, sure and sexy.

He caught me watching and stopped in his tracks, his eyes traveling over my body.

_God, I love it when he does that. He doesn't even need to touch me. Just those eyes - dark and predatory._

My stomach rumbled and he smiled.

"Hungry?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Very," I replied, looking down at his crotch.

I hoped that he understood that I was hungry for whatever was making his jeans bulge, and not just food.

He shook his head, exhaling a long breath before walking stiffly into the dining room.

_Oh, yeah. He got it._

I _was_ actually hungry, but just seeing the sheer volume of food Esme had prepared made my stomach shrivel in intimidation.

Edward came back into the kitchen and saw the look of concern on my face.

"Isabella? Are you all right?"

Suddenly, there was a huge commotion at the front door and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie walked into the kitchen, filthy, half-naked and covered in mud, just as Edward had been. They were laughing and talking loudly when Esme caught sight of them and gasped, "What on earth...? STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU THREE!"

They immediately froze as she glared at them.

"Do not take another step into this kitchen or I'll make you wish you weren't going live forever."

I could almost hear them 'gulp' in unison.

_Wow. Esme is a scary __mom._

Alice looked them over and sighed in frustration. "I can't believe you guys had a throw-down with the wolves without me. That's so not cool."

"All right, enough with the cryptic hints," Carlisle demanded. "I want to know what happened with the wolves this afternoon, and I want to know now."

"Me too," I added lamely.

"It's no big deal," Emmett assured us, his white teeth gleaming from between his dirty lips. "We just had some friendly wrestling matches with the mutts. Nothing dangerous - teeth and claws were banned. Just good old-fashioned knuckle-dusting. You had to pin your opponent for three seconds to win."

I turned to look at Edward.

"You _wrestled_ with the wolves?"

He looked vaguely ashamed.

"Yes."

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?" I cried, slapping his arm. "Don't you remember what they did to you the last time?"

"It wasn't my idea," he protested. "They started it."

"Oh, well it's okay then."

"Really?"

"No, not really! What are you, five?"

I slapped him again. It hurt my hand.

"Isabella, please stop slapping me. You'll break a finger."

He picked up my hand and kissed it.

"Well, you..." - he kissed each finger in turn - "...you..." - he kissed my wrist and I completely lost my train of thought.

"Stop making me not angry at you," I ordered halfheartedly as he grazed his lips over the back of my hand and looked down at me.

"All right, someone _please_ tell me what happened," Carlisle said, his voice sharp. "How did all this start?"

"Well," Jasper said, "apparently the pack took offense to some stuff Edward said to Jacob, and...well...when I caught up with them in the woods, Sam and Edward were practically screaming at each other."

We all looked at Edward who lowered my hand and sighed.

"He was being unreasonable about Isabella...about her becoming one of us. He said it was murder and that if I did it the treaty would be over."

"But it's _my_ choice," I said, indignant. "It's none of their business."

"They think it is," Edward countered. "The wording of the treaty states that we're forbidden from harming humans, and technically, if I bit you...and..." - he inhaled and swallowed, and I could tell he was fighting for control - "...drank from you, then...you would be harmed."

"Well that's just semantics," Carlisle argued. "Besides, we could always change Bella somewhere other than Forks, and they'd have no say in the matter."

"Try telling them that," Edward muttered.

"So, what, you decided to settle things by fighting?" I asked.

"Not _fighting_," Emmett clarified, "wrestling. Good old-fashioned body-slamming. Although there was a bit of punching and kicking also going on. We didn't get there until Edward had already taken them all on, one at a time, and totally caned their asses."

"Yeah, bro," Jasper agreed, offering Edward a high-five, "you had them pinned before they even knew you'd moved. It was beautiful. They didn't get a single point off you."

"Until they started tag-teaming me," Edward said, crossing his arms over his chest. "It was kind of hard to keep track of Jacob and Sam at the same time. Jacob really enjoyed smashing my face into the mud."

"He may have put the smackdown on you once, but he didn't keep you down for the full three seconds," Jas pointed out. "You could have totally contested that."

"Not worth it," Edward replied.

"Yeah, but considering it was the first time Jacob had phased, he was pretty fast," Rosalie said, obviously impressed. "I totally made him my bitch after you left, but it was close. I have to give it to him, even if he does smell like a three-day-old corpse, the boy has skills."

"Not in bed he doesn't," Edward muttered as he put his arm around my waist.

I looked at them all in disbelief.

"I don't understand," I said, frowning in confusion. "You guys and the wolves are mortal enemies, and you...what...had a friendly wrestling match?"

"Well, kind of friendly," Jasper amended. "I think the wolves wanted to see if they could take us, and we proved they can't."

"Hell, yeah," Emmett said, nodding enthusiastically. "We were totally kicking-ass until Broody McKilljoy over there couldn't stay away from _you_ any longer and left the game. We still won in the end, even though it was five wolves to three of us. The wolves are puh-issed."

"It was kinda nice to be able to just pound on them for a while," Jas added. "We never get to kick-ass anymore. I miss kicking ass."

"I think Edward enjoyed it more than all of us," Rose observed, and when I looked at Edward he was trying not to smile. "I don't think I've ever seen him completely remove the stick from his ass and just let loose. It was kind of cool to watch actually. He was like a big ass-whupping panther."

"Yes, well," Carlisle said, sighing, "being vegetarians and denying our true nature as much as we do does tend to take its toll, and with Edward dating his singer...I'm glad you were all able to let off some steam."

"Not all of us," Alice complained.

"Well, I'll let you wrestle me later, darlin'," Jasper murmured as he went put his arms around her. "I might even let you win."

"Ew, don't touch me with your disgusting dog-smelling mud-hands," Alice cried, slapping his arms away and giggling. "This is Michael Kors, you heathen!"

Jasper started stalking her around the kitchen with his arms in front of him like a zombie. Alice backed away, laughing.

"All right, that's enough," Esme said, laughing but still transfixed by the huge trail of mud leading from the front door. "It's wonderful that you've all spent the afternoon playing with the puppies, but we have a human here that needs food, so...you three - upstairs and get cleaned up, then get back down here and clean my floor. And next time you decide to bring half the forest back to the house, hose yourselves off in the backyard first, understand?"

Rose, Emmett and Jasper looked down at their shoes and mumbled their apologies.

They disappeared upstairs, and as Esme, Carlisle and Alice went into the dining room to put the finishing touches on the table, I turned to Edward and put my arms around his neck.

"So, you kicked ass today, huh, my big, bad vampire?"

"You could say that," he said, smiling and wrapping his arms around me. "I don't think the wolves will underestimate my abilities again, that's for damn sure."

"You're pretty pleased about that, aren't you?"

"What's not to be pleased about?" he asked, running his hands over my back. "My day has consisted of surviving one-on-one time with your father, having amazing sex with you, twice, taunting the hell out of Jacob, and letting my inner-beast pound on some overgrown leg-lifters. All in all, it's been a pretty good day."

"Hmmm...and it's not over yet," I murmured as I ran my hands across his chest. "It may finish with your girlfriend fellating your beautiful cock. How would that be?"

His eyes almost rolled back in his head as he grunted, long and low.

"You seriously expect me to allow you to waste time eating and interacting with my family when I know _that's_ on the agenda for tonight? I can carry you upstairs and have my pants around my ankles in about two seconds. Maybe less. Just say the word."

I laughed and kissed him gently. "Don't be so impatient. As they say, good things come to those who wait."

"Isabella," he said, frowning deeply. "I've waited ninety years for a woman to properly pleasure me orally. I think I've waited long enough."

"But, I thought Tanya..."

"Isabella, please," he scoffed, rolling his eyes, "you can't compare what Tanya did to me to what you do. She may have had a thousand years of sexual conquests to her name, but you...God...you can bring me undone with just one look...one touch...one word."

"Is it because I'm still human?" I asked, genuinely interested. "Because my blood is so appealing to you?"

"I can't deny that I find your blood incredibly arousing," he said, eyeing my turtleneck with disdain, "but that's not the reason. I'll feel this way even when you're changed. I'll feel it forever. Don't you see? It doesn't matter _what_ you are, Isabella, it's _who_ you are that I love. Human or vampire is irrelevant. I want you. Only you. Always."

He slipped his finger under the fabric on my neck and traced down one of the long veins, making it pulse faster as I reacted to his nearness and smell.

"And how your body reacts to me?" he whispered, pressing into my pulse-point, feeling it start to gallop and race. "It makes your blood throb hard and hot, and suddenly I want to do all manner of things to you."

He looked at me with a mix of raw need and desperate hunger, and I knew he was fighting to stay in control. I could tell when he was lusting after more than just my body. A sense of prickling danger always ran up my spine and told me to distance myself from him, to step away from the predator.

With a massive amount of effort I stepped back and took a few deep breaths. He exhaled strongly and ran his hands through his hair, obviously relieved that I took the initiative.

"Thank you," he sighed.

"No problem."

It was a problem. My body hated me for leaving his arms. I hated it too.

"So..." I said, trying to change the subject to something less arousing, "the wolves were upset about you wanting to change me, huh?"

"Yes," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets, "among other things."

"Other things?"

"Well, they also found out that I'd pleasured you while you were practically unconscious, and that I demolished Jacob's car with a tree."

"What? How did they find out about that?"

"I _may_ have mentioned it to Jacob during our fight."

"Oh. So, he told the pack?"

"Sort of. As soon as he phased they gleaned the information through their wolf-bond, along with images of what Jacob saw on James' DVD."

I looked at my purse on the kitchen counter. I'd almost forgotten the DVD was in there. I'd been dying to know what was on it all day.

"What did he see?" I whispered, more than aware that Edward's parents and sister were in the next room.

"You know whispering doesn't actually work around vampires, right?" he asked, keeping his voice low anyway. "They can hear every word you're saying."

"Edward," I hissed, "just tell me what's on the damn disc!"

He swallowed and moved closer, pushing me back until I was pressed against the wall.

"Us," he said, running a finger down the side of my face before tracing my lips, "...making love...over and over again. Apparently James is quite the producer of porn. His editing skills are exceptional. He even added music. And his camera work?" He pushed his nose against my neck and groaned, "Oh, God, Isabella, the images in Jacob's head of us making love? Unbelievably arousing."

"Probably not to Jacob," I panted as he ran his nose across my ear.

"No," he said, cupping my face and kissing along my jaw. "Not to him. I think it's safe to say he wasn't pleased. At all."

"What did it show?" I asked breathlessly.

"Me...pleasuring you...while you were sleeping..."

"Oh."

"You...riding me in the meadow."

"Ohhhh.

"Me, fucking you backstage at the Halloween party."

"Ohhhh, God, Edward..."

"Exactly," he groaned as he pulled down the neck of my sweater and closed his mouth over my jugular.

I gasped and grabbed his shoulders to stop myself from sliding down the wall.

"Ohhhh..."

"Please tell me you have that DVD with you, Isabella. Please..." he whispered into my skin, sucking gently at the top of my shoulder.

"I have it," I gasped, weaving a hand into his hair. "It's in my purse."

"God, I love you," he mumbled, his lips soft but frantic. "You taste amazing. I don't want to take my mouth off of your skin. Ever."

His mouth kept trailing over my neck, his tongue flicking over the skin as one of his hands cradled my head and the other moved down to my ass. He pulled me against him, and the sensation of the long line of his erection against my stomach made me moan loudly.

"Your parents are in the next room," I rasped as his left hand massaged my ass cheek. "We should...oh...oh...we should stop."

"You think I haven't listened to them make out thousands and thousands of times over the years?" he muttered as his left hand pushed under my sweater and cupped my breast. "Let them listen. They owe me. I could fuck you here against the wall and they'd _still_ owe me."

He kissed me, all hot need and cold tongue and I was powerless to do anything but slump against the wall and kiss him back. He pushed his leg between mine and I ground myself on him, rubbing desperate circles against his thigh.

Just as I was starting to lose myself in the pleasure, Jas, Emmett and Rosalie reappeared in the kitchen, and Emmett started whistling at us.

"Damn, Edward. Overnight you go from being practically celibate to molesting your human-girlfriend in front of your family? Respect, dude. Look at you go."

I laughed in embarrassment as Edward sighed and pulled away from my neck, shaking his head.

He glared at Emmett before turning back to me and saying, "Tell me again why I agreed to share you with them?"

"Because your mother told you to," Esme called from the dining room. "Now, step away from the human and get in here, all of you. Bella's dinner is getting cold."

Edward took my hand and led me into the dining room, pulling out my chair before sitting beside me and placing his hand on my thigh. His fingers migrated up until they were resting just underneath the hem of my skirt and the heat of his touch was intensely distracting.

_I can't breathe. Why is__ it that whenever he touches me, I can't breathe?_

"I like this skirt," he murmured as he leaned into my ear. "Easy access."

I squeezed my legs together and bit my lip so I wouldn't give into my overwhelming urge to leap onto his lap and grind myself all over him. He picked up my hand and kissed my palm, making me gasp when I felt his tongue gently lick the skin.

Jasper and Alice sat down opposite us and Jas groaned softly.

"Are y'all going to be like this all night?" he asked, frowning at Edward and me.

"No," Edward replied, looking hungrily at my mouth. "At some point I'm going to get her naked and then things are going to really start to heat up."

Jas glared at him and moved his chair closer to Alice as he whispered, "Sweetheart, you're okay if we skip out halfway through dinner, right? Because with the amount of lust coming off those two, I really don't think I'm going to make it til the end."

Alice leaned over and kissed him gently.

"You just let me know when you need relief, baby. I'll take care of you."

"Uh...sorry to sound dumb," I said, frowning, "but, why does Jasper find it difficult to cope with Edward and I being...uh..."

"Horny?" Emmett offered.

"Yeah," I agreed sheepishly.

"Jasper's an empath," Carlisle explained. "He can feel other's emotions. He can also project emotions onto other people. It's really quite fascinating."

I looked at Jasper who was staring at Alice with obvious desire.

"So, if people around him are..."

"Horny," Emmett supplied.

"...then he'll get..."

"Super horny. Right," Emmett said with a laugh.

"Oh, you think this is funny?" Jasper asked, turning to glare at Em. "See how you like it."

Suddenly Emmett's eyes widened and he squirmed in his seat.

"Dude!" he exclaimed as he reached over and started stroking Rose's neck. "Not cool!"

He grabbed Rose and kissed her roughly, tangling his hands in her hair and making obscene moaning noises. Rose pulled back breathlessly and whispered, "That was hot as hell. Why are you complaining?"

Emmett shrugged and kissed her again.

"All right, Jasper," Esme said, smiling despite the disapproval in her voice, "put the emotional manipulation back in the box please. Bella must be starving, and I think we'd all rather watch her eat than witness Emmett and Rose going at it on the dining room table. Again."

Emmett and Rose broke apart, looking embarrassed.

"How many times do we have to apologize for that?" Emmett asked. "We thought you'd gone hunting!"

"Sure you did, pervs," Alice teased.

I laughed, but I had to admit, as much as I was enjoying observing the hilarity of the Cullen-family-circus, I was _really_ hungry.

When everyone had calmed down, Esme placed my first course in front of me - minestrone. There was an expectant silence as everyone watched me pick up my spoon. I looked around to see seven pairs of golden eyes staring at me.

"Uh...okay...so don't take this the wrong way, but you guys are giving me performance anxiety. I feel like you're going to hold up score-cards on my chewing technique. It's kind of off-putting."

There was light laughter and suddenly everyone started making conversation, looking anywhere but at me - all except Edward, who was watching me with an intensity that made my whole body tingle.

"We've never had a human over for dinner before," he said, sweeping my hair over my shoulder and fingering the top of my turtleneck. "Everyone's eager to see how much of Esme's banquet you're going to be able to eat. There are bets."

"Oh really?" I replied, noticing how all of them kept glancing in my direction. "What sort of money are we talking about?"

Edward glanced around the table.

"Well, Jasper has the most faith in you. He's put down two hundred dollars on you getting through eight courses. It probably doesn't come as a surprise that Rose bet a hundred that you'd only last two. Emmett and Alice both have you pegged at six courses, and Carlisle has bet a thousand dollars you'll be done after four."

I looked at Carlisle in surprise.

"A thousand dollars? You must be confident."

"Well," Carlisle said, leaning forward and whispering dramatically, "I calculated the volume of food in each course and tallied it against the capacity of the average human stomach. Unless you plan to regurgitate something after the fourth course, you'll have reached your maximum intake. Don't tell the others. It's easy money for me."

I laughed and shook my head.

"Carlisle, you are seriously awesome."

He chuckled and nodded. "Thank you, Bella. Please convince my children of that."

Everyone started 'awwwwing' and laughing and I felt a cool hand sweep under my hair and stroke my neck. A shiver of electricity crackled up my spine, and when I turned, Edward was staring at me intensely.

"God, you're amazing," he breathed.

I leaned over and whispered, "So, do _you_ have money on me?"

He looked at my lips and then back to my eyes, smiling seductively.

"No, I'm just happy to watch you put things in that beautiful mouth for a while."

_Jesus_.

He fingered the turtleneck again and frowned. "By the way, my sister told you to wear this heinous piece of clothing, didn't she?"

I nodded. "Why?"

"She knew it would make me crazy. I can't see your neck. I don't cope well with not being able to see your neck, Isabella. I may need to shred it soon. It's aggravating in the extreme."

The thought of him ripping the sweater off my body made me go weak.

"Well, Bella," Esme said, obviously waiting for my verdict on her food. "What do you think?"

Edward had made me forget all about the minestrone.

"Oh, it looks and smells great, Esme," I said, scooping some of the thick soup on my spoon and lifting it to my mouth. As I closed my lips around it, I heard Edward moan quietly. As soon as the soup hit my taste buds, I moaned as well.

"Oh, my God, Esme, this in incredible."

I scooped more in my mouth and moaned in satisfaction.

_Holy shit, how can a vampire who can't stomach human food possibly cook this well? I'm pretty sure my mouth just came._

She beamed, and Carlisle kissed her cheek with pride. "As if there was ever any doubt."

_Does this soup have cashews in it? Brilliant!_

"Esme, you're a culinary genius," I sighed, unable to get enough of her cooking. "You should totally open a restaurant."

She smiled broadly, her excitement and satisfaction obvious.

I ate, and ate, and ate, and as I munched through pasta, risotto, gnocchi and scallopini, the Cullens talked and laughed and made conversation with each other and me.

They asked me about my upbringing and why I left Phoenix to live with Charlie. They asked me about school and what I wanted to study at college, and as I talked, they seemed fascinated with every detail of my life, making me feel like part of their family.

Emmett persisted in asking questions about my sex-life with Edward, and although I knew I should be mortified, he was so loveable I just ended up laughing.

Edward wasn't quite so amused.

"Aw, come on, bro," he whined, "just a few details. Like, how the hell do you stop yourself from biting her when you come? I mean, all of her blood is just...throbbing through her, right?"

"Emmett!" Esme admonished.

"It's a valid question!" Emmett protested. "I just want to know how he does it. I mean, I can't warp my mind around having the control to do that. He's like Ghandi...or Sting."

I laughed and Edward rubbed his eyes.

"Actually," Carlisle said, steepling his hands in front of him, "I have to admit to being curious too. Even though I touch humans all the time through my work, I could never imagine being able to interact with them intimately. That's something else entirely. I'd be interested to hear how being intimate with Isabella affects you, Edward."

Everyone looked at him in shock.

"Daddy C's a perv," Emmett gasped, and everyone laughed.

"Oh, stop it," he said, waving his hand at us. "I've just never known a vampire to be able to touch a human in that way without hurting them. I'm fascinated as to how he compartmentalizes the more violent aspects of his nature when he's with Bella."

"It's not easy," Edward muttered.

"Could you try to explain it for us, son?" Carlisle prodded. "If you and Bella are comfortable talking about it that is."

Edward looked at me with concern in his eyes.

"Uh...I don't think that..."

"I'm interested too," Jas added.

"Me too," Alice agreed.

"I have to admit, I have no idea how you do it, sweetheart," Esme added.

"Come on, bro, please," Emmett pleaded. "How many of us are ever going to bang a human?"

Rose slapped him across the top of the head.

"Ow! Baby..."

"Not you, that's for sure," Rose spat, glaring at him.

"Exactly!" he cried. "That's why we need to hear details."

"I don't want details," Rose mumbled. "I think it's gross." She looked quickly at me. "No offense."

I smiled sweetly.

"How could I possibly take offense at that, Rose? I love being called 'gross'."

She hurried to say, "Look, all I mean is that you wouldn't like to hear about a human mating with a cow, would you?"

"So...I'm a cow to you?" I asked in confusion.

"No," she hedged. "Well, yes...kind of. You're food. It's gross that Edward's mating with food."

"But you guys don't eat humans," I argue. "You're vegetarians. So maybe your human analogy would be more accurate if it involved a man and...say...a cucumber, or a watermelon, because not only would that make more sense, but those videos actually exist, and yeah...you're right, they are kinda gross. But since neither a cow nor a watermelon can give a kick-ass blowjob like I can, I'm thinking that Edward 'mating' with me is a whole lot cooler and a lot less gross."

I clamped my hand over my mouth.

_Oh...God...no. I just bragged about my oral skills in front of my boyfriend's family. In front of his PARENTS! Oh God, oh God, oh God._

_Bella, you IDIOT._

There was shocked silence for a second, and when I looked at Edward I knew that he didn't share my sense of mortification. In fact, he looked like he was about three seconds away from throwing me down on the table and fucking me, regardless of who else was in the room.

The tension was broken when Rose burst out laughing.

"Got yourself a feisty one there, huh, big brother?" she said smiling at me. "I think I actually like her. A lot. I'm weirded-out about that."

"Not as much as I am," Edward said, glancing at his sister in disbelief. "But you're right. She is feisty."

I quickly glanced at Esme and Carlisle. They were looking at me and smiling.

_Oh, thank the Lord they weren't offended. Please God, let me think before I speak from now on._

I felt cool fingers on my skin and turned to see Edward lift my hand to his mouth and kiss it, and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to be alone with him. To show him how incredible I thought he was. To love him and let him love me.

I touched his face gently and didn't even try to hide my adoration.

"All right, all right," Emmett said, waving his hand, "enough with the lovey-dovey stuff. We're were talking about sex. Vamp/human sex. Bring on the horny details, peeps. Pronto please."

Edward looked at me. "If you don't want me to tell them, I won't. It's totally up to you."

_God, his eyes are beautiful. Every incarnation of them. Light, dark, gold, black._

Right now there was a thin band of gold around a very dilated pupil. Stunning.

"Isabella?"

"Oh...yeah...I mean...sure. You can talk about it." – _even though I'd rather be doing it._

I willed him to talk fast so we could be alone.

Edward looked around the table, and we all looked back in anticipation.

"Well," he began, "the main safeguard I take in being around Isabella is being well-fed. It doesn't desensitize me to her scent, but it helps keep the beast under control."

"What about when you touch her?" Jas asked. "I mean, doesn't it drive you crazy to feel all that blood pulsing under her skin?"

"Yes," Edward said simply, "but it's also addictive. Feeling how her pulse changes when I touch her? Feeling it pound heavier when she becomes aroused or scared?" He swallowed thickly. "It's...hypnotic."

Jas swallowed too. "Yeah...I can understand that. But...when your mouth's on her? How do you not just...bite? Drink?"

Edward clenched his jaw. "I only have a finite amount of time in which I can touch her...intimately...until the beast gets too strong, and then I have to pull back. Sometimes, when I'm stupid and stubborn, and think I have more control than I do, it's very hard to pull back. The beast won't let me. The most I can do is let Isabella go and ask her to move away."

"Have you ever gone too far?" Alice asked, and by the look on her face, I was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

Edward held up his arm, and I saw several crescent-shaped scars. "Yes, Alice. I've gone too far."

Esme hissed in shock.

"Edward!"

"Jesus, dude. That must have hurt," Emmett moaned.

"It hurt less than if I'd hurt her," Edward replied, looking at me.

I frowned when I saw the scars.

"You...bit yourself?" I asked quietly. Edward nodded. "So you wouldn't bite me?" He nodded again. "How did I not know this?"

He rubbed the scars.

"I've tried to hide it from you. I didn't want to scare you."

"You scare me anyway. I don't want you hiding things from me."

"I'm sorry," he said, taking my hand. I grabbed his arm and traced the damaged skin.

"Do you do it every time we...?"

"No," he said quickly. "I always feel the urge to do it, but I'm learning to relieve it in different ways."

"How, son?" Carlisle asked.

"Normally by destroying something," Edward replied. "If I feel the violence bubbling over, I try to take at least one hand off Isabella so I can use it for release."

"Was that what that sound was today?" I asked, remember the strange squealing sound as we made love in garage.

Edward nodded. "The iron beam on the door. It helps if it's something hard. By the way, I owe you a new headboard."

"Why?"

"Because half of it came off in my hands the other night. I'd like to buy you something more durable. Maybe wrought-iron."

"Good choice," Alice said, smirking.

I exhaled and tried really hard not to think about how sexy I found Edward's strength. The image of him sinking his fingers into wood and metal was...God...so damn hot.

I took his hands and stroked his fingers.

They looked so gentle. When he was touching me they felt so gentle. And yet...I saw how powerful he was when he took me hunting. The mountain lion...

"How strong are vampires?" I asked, running my fingers over Edward's scarred forearm.

Carlisle leaned back in his chair.

"Well, I don't know that it's truly quantifiable, but obviously we're substantially stronger than humans. After the change it takes a long time to learn how to temper our strength. For example, when Edward awoke, he pretty much demolished our entire apartment within hours. Nothing was safe - furniture, windows, walls, doors - it was like renovation in reverse."

Edward cringed. "Thank God you hadn't met Esme by then, or I'm pretty sure she would have ripped me apart and burned me."

"You say that like it's a joke, sweetheart," Esme said, smiling. "Not only would I have burned you, I would have also warmed my hands by the fire and perhaps roasted marshmallows."

"Ooh, snap!" Emmett teased before dropping his smile and ordering, "But come on, seriously, back to sex with Bella."

Edward sighed.

"Emmett, it's not something I can really discuss without getting..."

"A boner?"

Edward glared at him.

"What?" Emmett said innocently. "It's true, right?"

"That doesn't make it fit conversation for the dinner table."

"Well, maybe we should move to the sex-talk table then. Oh wait; we don't have one of those. Where do you suggest we talk about it, man?"

"I'm not suggesting we talk about it at all," Edward countered.

"_Carlisle_ wants to know," Jas insisted. "For science and stuff. Trust him. He's a doctor."

"Or maybe Bella can talk about it," Alice said. "It must be weird to sleep with someone who wants to...you know...suck your blood."

"Oh, hell yes!" Emmett cried enthusiastically. "Give us all the human deets, Bells, and feel free to start with your mad BJ skills." Edward glared at him. "Or don't. Whatever."

Suddenly all eyes were on me and I didn't know what to say. I looked at Edward.

"I'm actually interested to hear your answer," he said softly. "What is it like to make love to someone who wants to kill you?"

_God, how can I possibly describe to them the absolute rush of lust and fear I have whenever I'm around him? How can I tell them __that even his most violent actions make me want him?_

Just thinking about it made me ache in all my deepest places.

I glanced at him as his lust added to mine. He reached out and tugged down the neck of my sweater so he could see my pulse. He ran his finger over it as he studied it intently and subconsciously licked his lips.

_God, I want him. I need him. Now._

I just wanted to get him upstairs, alone, and put my mouth all over him, but I couldn't be rude and abandon our conversation.

I heard someone else groan and looked over to see Jasper leaning over to kiss Alice's neck.

The lust I was feeling immediately heightened, and suddenly I knew exactly what to do to wrap up family question time and clear the room, and I was pretty sure we were all going to enjoy it.

...

...

...

* * *

**I think you can all guess what Bella has in mind, can't you? **

**Well it's Halloween and that means IT'S WINDOWWARD'S BIRTHDAY! **

**Yes, the Halloween O/S of GD was posted one year ago. Please drop WW a line and say hi. He's sitting here in a bright yellow party hat about to eat a guinea-pig (the vegetarian-vampire equivalent of a cup-cake.)**

**Okay, totally just grossed myself out.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya**


	17. Contagious Lust

_**Wednesday 24th November, 2010**_

**As usual, enormous gratitude to my beta-Goddess, Irritable Grizzzly, who manages to find time for my shenanigans no matter what ****else is going on in her life. Love you, baby.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Not**** making money from it. (Unfortunately.) I am, however, rich in gropage.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 17 - Contagious Lust**

Edward's fingers grazed up and down the back of my neck, and I could feel my blush heating my skin. I looked at him, taking in his hungry eyes and the way he kept swallowing, clearing his mouth of venom.

_I could clear this room in a second. All I'd have to do is think about fucking my ridiculously hot vampire boyfriend on this beautiful mahogany table and I'm pretty sure Jasper would spontaneously combust with the force of my desire, forcing us all to seek out some privacy so we can tear all of our clothes off._

_I could do it. It would be easy. _

I glanced over at Jasper. He was frowning and breathing heavily, and as he glanced up at me, I knew he suspected what I was planning.

His eyes pleaded with me to have pity.

I sighed and aborted the plan.

It was getting more and more difficult for Edward and I to keep our hands off of each other, but I knew that he really wanted me to spend time with his family, and to be honest, apart from the frustration I felt about not being able to put my mouth all over him, I was having a great time. Esme's food was phenomenal, and everyone seemed so at ease with the unreality of my relationship with him that I couldn't help but feel comfortable.

"Come on, Bells," Emmett urged. "We need to hear details about what the hell it is you're doing in the sack that makes stuffy old Broodward there crack a smile for the first time in half a century."

Carlisle gave Emmett a disapproving look and Edward glared as his brother, clearly unimpressed.

"Emmett, you said you'd stop calling me that."

"Hey, come on. I haven't called you that in years."

"Yeah, well, don't start it up again."

I looked between them in confusion, unable to not smile at their brotherly teasing.

"Broodward?"

Emmett chuckled.

"Yeah, it used to be my favorite nickname for your boyfriend. When I first came into this family, it was seriously two years before I saw him smile. The guy's a moody motherfucker."

"Emmett!" Esme hissed. "Do NOT say 'motherfucker' at the dinner table!"

Emmett laughed, "I'll stop if you do."

"Tell Bella the story of Broodward abroad," Jasper encouraged, looking relieved that the sexual tension had ebbed. "She'd love it."

"No," Edward said emphatically.

"Aw, come on, bro," Jasper protested. "Just one story. What about Stockholm?"

"No."

"Spain?"

"No."

"Rome?"

"God, no."

"Yes, Rome!" Alice cried. "Come on, Edward. Just one story."

Edward exhaled and leaned back in his chair.

"Why do you all insist on embarrassing me in front of the woman I love?"

"Because it's fun," Alice answered. "Plus, you're less likely to break stuff if we tease you when Bella's around."

"If only Bella lived with us," Esme said wistfully, staring off into space.

"I don't think I could cope with the two of them under the same roof," Jasper muttered. "They're worse than Em and Rose."

"But, honey," Alice whined, "think of the evil we could make her do on our behalf."

Jasper looked at me with a quirked eyebrow and said, "This is true. She does have a very strong scent of mischief about her."

Alice leaned over to him and whispered, "You should have seen what she did to him earlier. It...was...awesome."

"So I'm telling the Rome story, right?" Emmett said, tapping his fingers together and looking impatient.

Everyone except Edward smiled broadly and nodded.

Edward looked at his eager family and groaned.

"You people make forever seem like a VERY long time."

He looked at me with faux-sadness. "Do you _see_ what I have to live with? For eternity?"

I laughed and put my hand on his thigh. He glanced down at it and then back to my face, and I felt the muscles under my fingers tense.

"Oh, you poor thing," I whispered, leaning close to him. "It must be difficult to have so many people care about you enough to tease you mercilessly."

"Yes," he replied quietly, "it's painfully hard," and I knew he wasn't taking about the situation with his family.

"Goddammit, Edward..." Jasper groaned, dropping his head onto Alice's shoulder as a wave of lust hit all of us.

I bit my lip to stop myself making an embarrassingly wanton sound.

Edward reached out and cupped the back of my neck.

"Sorry, Jas," he murmured, "but I can't help how my body reacts to her. Look at her. Smell her. God...she just...so..."

"Yeah, yeah, she's very bitable," Emmett said impatiently. "Am I telling this story or not?"

"Go," Alice urged, rubbing Jasper's back.

"_One_ story," Edward warned.

"Shut it, bro," Emmett said, waving his hand and leaning forward eagerly, "my turn to talk." He looked at me with a broad smile. "So, Bells, in the year two-thousand, we all headed over to Europe to see the sights. We hadn't had a family vacation in a while and Carlisle was getting all mopey and shit about not seeing really old art and crumbing architecture or whatever."

"I was _not_ getting mopey," Carlisle protested.

Esme laughed and said, "Oh, sweetheart, you were _so_ getting mopey. One weekend I left you looking at a book about the Renaissance, and when I got back eight hours later you were still looking at the same picture of Michaelangelo's Pieta that you were staring at when I left."

Carlisle shifted in his seat.

"It's a stunning sculpture and warrants lengthy examination."

"Anyway," Emmett continued, "Esme organized this huge tour of all these really old places, and we ended up in Rome just before New Year's Eve."

"Io odio questa storia," Edward mumbled. _(I hate this story.)_

"Taci," Alice hissed. "E awesome." _(Shush. It's awesome.)_

Esme glared at them. "Non parlare in altre lingue di fronte a Bella. E 'rude." _(Don't speak other languages in front of Bella. __It's rude.)_

"Non ti preoccupare," I assured her. "Ho studiato Italiano per quattro anni. Capisco cosa stanno dicendo." _(Don't worry about it. I studied Italian for four years. I know what they're saying.)_

Everyone laughed except Emmett whose face was like thunder.

"Am I telling this stupid story or not?" he fumed.

Edward ignored him and leaned in to me, grazing his fingers along my cheek.

"You speak Italian."

His voice made me shiver.

"So do you," I said, transfixed by his mouth and the things I wanted to do with it.

Emmett looked at us in disbelief.

"Baby, am I invisible?" he whined to Rose. "After all these years have I finally developed a special talent?"

"No, babe," Rose laughed, "you're not invisible. Tell your story."

He cleared his throat loudly and then looked around the table to make sure we were all paying attention. I struggled to keep my eyes on him and not the sexually irresistible man beside me who was lightly grazing his fingernails over the base of my scalp.

I think I moaned a little because Emmett looked at me sharply. I mouthed 'sorry', and gave him my almost full-attention.

"So, it's the year two-thousand, in Rome, and we're in some big-assed square for New Year's Eve..."

"Piazza del Popolo," Carlisle clarified.

"...yeah, what he said...and there were hundreds of thousands of people there from all over the world - drinking and laughing and partying - and Broodward's walking around like someone killed his favorite puppy...all frowny and scowly and shit..."

"Emmett," Edward sighed, "do you have any idea how difficult it was to deal with that many thoughts at once. It was excruciating."

"Well, sure, but dude you just looked like you didn't want to be there."

"I _didn't_ want to be there. Esme made me go."

"I wanted us to experience the New Year as a family," Esme justified.

"You let Jasper stay back at the hotel," Edward argued.

Jas rolled his eyes. "Dude, it wasn't a picnic. I was so damn hungry I almost called room service so I could eat the waiter."

"Oh, sweetie," Alice soothed, "you know you can't eat Italian people. Their blood's too rich for you."

The expression on my face must have been hilarious, because Alice giggled and told me she was joking.

"My sister thinks she's funny," Edward explained. "You'll get used to her lame jokes."

Alice's face went blank for a moment and then she said, "Oh my God, I've just had a vision. Later tonight when your girlfriend's asleep, I'm going to kick your ass."

"Hasn't happened in over fifty years, little one," Edward quipped. "Don't really see you succeeding now."

Alice pouted at him. "Shut-up, Broodward."

"Make me, Short-round."

Esme shot a glare at them, and they immediately stopped.

"My point is," Edward said, to his mother, "you let Jasper stay in a nice, mostly thought-proof hotel room, while forcing me to endure the loud, sex-obsessed musings of hundreds of thousands of inebriated humans."

Jasper chuckled. "Dude, why don't you just yell, 'no fair!' and be done with it?"

Esme shushed him with her eyes before saying, "Edward, Jasper couldn't come with us because he was struggling with his control, and frankly with the amount of sexual tension in that square, the results could have been catastrophic."

"Kind of like this dinner party," Jas muttered.

Esme ignored him and continued. "Even though you sulked for most of the night, y_our_ being there didn't affect anyone but you, and it made your mother happy to have your company."

"Even so, it gave me a huge headache," Edward muttered.

"Back to the story," Emmett said loudly, clearly becoming frustrated. "So, everyone in the whole square was having a good time except Scowly McBroodster..."

"That's not true," Edward interjected. "There were lots of people who were frustrated because they had no one to kiss at midnight. It was depressing."

"Dude, shut UP!" Emmett cried and glared at him. Edward sighed and went back to stroking my neck. I wasn't complaining.

"So," Emmett continued, "the Italians were crazy - yelling and kissing and dancing - and then they start lighting firecrackers and just throwing them around - like, in the middle of the crowd."

"Highly dangerous," Edward mumbled.

Emmett shot a look at him but continued, "And of course for us that's pretty fucking risky because we're like a big body-shaped tin of lighter fluid, and it that shit explodes on our skin, there's going to be a goddamn immolation, right?"

"Immolation?" Jasper repeated, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yeah, man - it's like a fire sacrifice."

"I know what it is, bro, I just didn't think _you_ knew what it was."

"Fuck you, Jas. I've been through high school enough times to know shit."

"This is true. I apologize. You do know shit."

"Boys..." Esme warned. "The story?"

"So, anyway," Emmett continued, "wherever we went we couldn't get away from these damn firecrackers, and to be honest, it was starting to get pretty freaky. The rest of us tried to have a good time anyway, but Edward was getting angrier and angrier, until he decides to start swiping the firecrackers off people so they can't light them anymore..."

Rose smiled and said, "He was so damn fast that one second they're holding a bunch of firecrackers and the next second they're not. It was pretty funny to watch their faces."

"You stole them?" I asked, looking at Edward in disbelief.

"I _confiscated_ them," he amended. "They were a public health hazard. I was doing it for the greater good. It was foolhardy and dangerous for everyone, not just us."

I laughed and moved my hand further up his thigh. He tensed again and made a low noise in his chest.

I loved that noise. It was a cross between a groan and growl, and it made the hollow ache inside me deepen and burn.

"Oh, God," Jasper rasped as he sensed what I was feeling. "The story...for the love of all that's holy, Em, finish the damn story."

"Bro, I'm trying," Emmett hissed, "but everyone keeps interrupting."

He sighed heavily and kept going.

"So, Edward keeps moving through the crowd, stealing everyone's firecrackers like a big old Ebenezer Scrooge, and by this point, even Esme and Carlisle are laughing their asses off because it's the most proactive E's been for couple of decades. I mean, usually he just sulks and moans about shit, but this time he actually decided to act. So after about an hour, he's got most of the firecrackers away from people, and he's shoved them in all his pockets - in his pants, in his coat, in the _lining_ of his coat - he looks seriously fucking ridiculous. Like a tall, pale firecracker-stuffed sausage."

I laughed and glanced at Edward. His head was in his hands, but he was smiling.

"Then," Emmett said, clearly trying not to laugh, "when his coat, pants and hands are FULL of firecrackers, he literally _runs into_ a police officer who's patrolling through the crowd."

"A _female_ police officer," Alice added with a smirk.

"He almost knocked her over," Jasper explained. "She was _not_ impressed."

Emmett chuckled before saying, "So, she's looking at him loaded down with all these firecrackers and then she goes OFF at him about how dangerous it is to have explosives in a large group of people and how he could have hurt someone, and Edward stands there and takes it like his mom's just caught him with his hands down his pants."

"No, the look on his face was quite different," Esme offered. "Although I haven't caught him with his hands down his pants since nineteen-forty-three, so it's kind of hard to remember."

I laughed loudly as Edward groaned softly beside me and muttered, "Kill me now."

"So," Emmett continued, "this tiny female police officer is all up in E's face, yelling that he's lucky she doesn't arrest him for being a public nuisance and then she orders him to hand over all the firecrackers. So E grudgingly gives them to her, pulling them from goddamn everywhere like David Copperfield, and the whole time this chick is ranting at him in really fast Italian, and he's fucking _glaring_ at her like he wants to bite her just to get her to shut the hell up."

I glanced at Edward and he was shaking his head.

"She was being very harsh. And loud. People were staring."

"And THEN," Emmett chuckled, "she's not satisfied that he's given her all his booty, so she starts _frisking_ him."

Alice giggled. "She made him take off his coat and started running her hands all over him - chest, stomach, arms, legs. I think she was a bit surprised that he was so...firm...to the touch. She ended up being extremely...thorough."

Edward mumbled, "Her thoughts were very unprofessional."

I couldn't help but laugh loudly.

"As I remember," Esme said with a smile, "she paid special attention to your...uh...inside seam. She was feeling around that area for quite a while."

Edward groaned and dropped his head in his hands. "It was horrifying. She violated me."

"And E totally got a boner!" Emmett guffawed. "Up until that point I was pretty sure he was a eunuch, or if he did actually possess a dick, that it was defective."

I turned to Edward who was still covering his face.

"She violated you, huh?" I asked with a smirk. "Seems to me you kinda enjoyed being violated, Mr Firecracker. And here I was thinking I was your first human crush. God, I guess I got sloppy seconds."

He dropped his hands and glared at me. "You _are_ my first human...well, you're not a crush, but...you KNOW I haven't been with anyone else...human I mean." He huffed in frustration. "It's not as though I wanted her hands on me."

"But you became aroused," I pointed out.

"There was _friction_, Isabella. Lots and lots of _friction_. And to be honest that part of my body hadn't had any...friction...for a very long time. I think it reacted out of shock."

"Your 'reaction' certainly shocked the hell outta her," Emmett laughed. "She saw what you were packing and probably thought it was Christmastime again."

"What did she do?"

I loved hearing about Edward before I knew him, even if I was jealous of a feisty Italian policewoman I'd never met.

"Well," Alice giggled, "after groping him for a long time, she gave him her number and told him she finished work at two."

I laughed and turned back to Edward, who I'm sure would have been blushing if he were able.

"And did you call her?"

He looked at me and smiled. "What do you think?"

I stoked his thigh gently and he inhaled sharply.

"I think that somewhere in Italy there's a woman who often fantasizes about the tall, bronze-haired hottie she molested shamelessly that night, and wonders why he didn't call."

He lifted my hand from his leg and brought it to his face, and I shivered as he kissed the soft skin on the inside of my wrist.

"He didn't call because he was in love with another woman," he murmured into my skin. "He just hadn't met her yet."

There was a chorus of 'aw' from around the table, and I'm pretty sure Emmett made a gagging sound, but at that moment I couldn't look at anyone but Edward.

"So, Bells," Emmett said, clearing his throat, "I've told you a story about E, and now it's your turn. Tell us exactly how hot it is to bone a vampire, and don't be afraid to be specific."

I smiled and looked between him and Rosalie. "I think you already know how hot it is, big guy."

He looked at Rose with obvious lust. "Uh...well...yeah, I do, but I mean...you're human. Half the time Edward doesn't know whether he wants to jump you or drain you. That must be weird, right?"

I put my hand back on Edward's thigh and rubbed gently.

"Well, yes...when I first met him I didn't exactly know what he was but...I did sense he was dangerous."

"Did that get you hot?" Emmett said, leaning forward and grinning.

"Watch it," Edward warned.

Emmett held out his hands innocently.

"Dude, I'm just asking what we're all thinking. This might be the only time we get to hear about human/vampire boinking. Throw me a bone here."

"I don't mind answering," I reassured Edward, noticing how his pupils dilated as his eyes fixed on my lips.

"Have you finished eating?" he asked, noticing I hadn't touched my plate for a while.

"Almost," I replied, and I was pretty sure he knew I wasn't talking about food.

His eyelids fluttered and he made a sound in the back of his throat.

I moved my hand higher on his leg, curving my fingers down to his inner thigh. He immediately tensed and a sharp gust of air hissed between his teeth.

"Talk fast," he ordered.

"Seconded," Jasper groaned.

"By the way, Carlisle won the bet," Esme said, clearing my plate from in front of me. "Bella got through four courses."

"He cheated," Emmett said petulantly.

"Using my brain isn't cheating," Carlisle countered.

"It is in my book," Emmett pouted.

"So, Bella," Alice said, stroking Jas's shoulder and getting the conversation back on track, "what are the downfalls of dating a vampire? Apart from imminent death, of course."

I looked at Edward. He was obviously listening, but he was also trying desperately to look at my neck. He tugged on the edges of my turtleneck and frowned, and I was fairly certain this sweater wouldn't be surviving the night. Strangely, I was perfectly fine with that. In fact, I was looking forward to him shredding it off my body.

As soon as he'd pulled down the thick fabric and pressed against my pulse, he physically relaxed, but the hunger in his eyes became more intense.

_Goddamn you, Edward. I'm trying to impress your family with my erudite conversation skills, and that's really damn hard when you look at me like that._

My heart rate reacted to his touch and he met my eyes and smiled, slow and seductive.

My hand tightened on his leg and my pulse raced faster.

_God, I need him. Need him touching me. Need to touch him back. Need him inside me._

"Bella?"

I looked at Alice.

_Oh, right. She asked me a question._

I took my hand off of Edward so I could concentrate and immediately became frustrated that I wasn't touching him, so I put it back and stroked his leg, feeling the long muscles beneath his jeans, then, of course, my concentration flew out the window, quickly replaced by raging desire.

_This is crazy._

"Bella?"

_Answer the question, Bella. Jesus._

"Well...uh...the major downfall about dating Edward is that I can't seem to stop touching him," I said, becoming flustered. "He told me it's because of our mating bond and that it's normal in vampire relationships, but really...it's damn distracting." I looked at the couples around the table. "Do you all feel like this too?"

Carlisle nodded and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Yes. Once we mate there's really no diminishing our lust for each other. We certainly become less frantic in dealing with it, but it's still extremely intense. I can imagine that for you and Edward it would be slightly more problematic because of your fragile body. It would be difficult for him to get his fill of you without hurting you."

I turned back to Edward.

"Is that true?"

He swallowed and nodded. "Yes. If I had my way I'd spend all day every day making love to you, and even though you may have a similar need for me, your body would never be able to cope."

I looked back at Carlisle.

"But, you all don't stay in bed all day, even though your bodies can handle it. Why not?"

Carlisle clasped his hands in front of him.

"Bella, within our coven, we operate very differently to most vampires. Certainly the main difference is that we refrain from taking human life, but we also try to tame other aspects of our vampiric natures.

"Most vampires live in an endless cycle of lust - whether for blood or sex. They feed and mate. That's it. Their desires are simple and violent, and mostly instinctual. They're so distanced from their humanity they can't manage to find pleasure in anything that doesn't involve killing and orgasms. We've chosen to cultivate our humanity, through work and school, and other less savage pastimes. It satisfies us in a way pure vampirism never could, but there's no denying that suppressing our more...primal urges is taxing."

"So, what you're saying is that you'd _like_ to spend all day in bed doing rude things to each other, but you _choose_ not to?"

He chuckled and dropped his head.

"Well, when you put it like that it just sounds silly."

"We still have days where we can't stand to stop touching each other," Esme said. "Not giving in to it all the time makes those days unbelievably special."

"I feel like I'm going insane when I can't touch him," I said, my need for him growing as my hand tightened on his thigh.

"We all understand," Alice said warmly. "You'll learn how to deal with it."

"I'd rather just have him all the time," I mumbled, looking back at him.

He smiled and pressed his fingers more firmly against my pulse. My heart beat faster. His smile grew wider.

"Dude, what the hell is up with you touching her neck all the time?" Emmett asked, frowning. "Doesn't that drive you absolutely bat-shit crazy? Jesus, I can hear her pulse from over here and I'm hungry as fuck."

Edward whipped around and glared at his brother.

"He likes to feel my blood rush under his fingertips," I explained, trying to soothe Edward by stroking his hand. "He knows how he affects me and likes to feel what his touch does to my body. He gets very uptight when he can't see or touch my neck."

"Massive understatement," he murmured, turning back to me and pulling the neck of my sweater down further. "After tonight you're completely banned from wearing this ridiculous piece of clothing again. Nothing but v-necks and nakedness for you. Understand?"

"Yessir," I agreed breathily.

"I knew that thing would drive him crazy," Alice giggled to herself.

Edward ignored her and continued to stare at me, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips.

_Jesus, it's so hot in here. I need him naked and wrapped around me, cool and hard._

I didn't think it was possible to want him more than I did, but obviously Jasper's gift was heightening my already impossible desire. I seemed unable to resist moving my hand up his thigh and palming the long hardness, grateful that no one could see what I was doing under the table.

_God, the feel of him. I want that...so much. Aching for it. Need it._

He swallowed and tensed, closing his eyes briefly before clearing his throat and saying, "Well, it's getting late. Isabella, you must be tired."

I ran my fingers along the line of him and couldn't resist looking down, licking my lips as I eyed him straining against his jeans.

"Tired isn't really what I'm feeling at the moment," I whispered.

"I was trying to be subtle," he whispered back. "If I don't get you naked very soon, I'm going to scar my family for life by taking you in front of them."

"I'm strangely okay with that idea," Emmett murmured as he leaned into Rose.

She hit him. Hard. "That's your brother, jackass."

"But babe," he whined, "I wouldn't be looking at him. I'd be looking at her."

She hit him again. Harder. "How is that better? Your fascination with vamp/human sex is sick."

"Aw, come on, baby, don't be like that," he said, pulling her chair closer to his. "I would have totally had sex with you when I was a human." Suddenly his eyes clouded over and he practically pulled her onto his lap. "Fuck, Rosie, can we roleplay that one day? Because, damn...that's hot."

She rolled her eyes and pretended to be disgusted, but I could tell she was kind of into it.

She grabbed the front of his t-shirt and yanked him over to her, whispering, "Be a good human and I may bite you," before kissing him fiercely.

I felt cool lips on my ear, and Edward whispered, "We can roleplay the evil vampire taking advantage of the innocent human too, if you like."

"I think we've already done that," I replied, turning my face so our lips were almost touching.

"Not with you as the vampire we haven't," he said, raising an eyebrow.

_Well, that would be interesting._

"If I was a vampire and you were human?" I said, kissing him gently. "I'd eat you in a heartbeat."

"That's pretty much what I'm counting on," he said breathlessly, kissing across my cheek and towards my ear.

"You still haven't...uh...answered my question," Emmett said, swallowing thickly as another wave of lust flooded the room. Jasper dropped his head onto the table and groaned softly to himself. "The one about you being hot for him because of what he is."

I moved my hand back to Edward's leg and grazed my fingernails up and down the taut denim. He looked at me with such supreme hunger I could barely contain the urge to straddle his thigh and rub shamelessly.

I took a deep breath and turned my attention back to Emmett, who was looking glassy-eyed as Rosalie stroked his arm.

"I know he's dangerous," I said, my voice rough with desire as my hand crept back to his groin without my conscious permission, "and I know he struggles with his control, particularly when we're being intimate, and yeah...I guess that I find that side of him," -_ the fuckhot animalistic side _- "...uh...stimulating."

_Swan, you are the Queen of understatements._

I could feel him now beside me, practically thrumming with primal desire and restraint, and I wanted that dangerous combination to be naked and trembling under my hands. He pushed his hand against mine, squeezing our fingers around his erection.

_God I want in my hand. In my mouth. I want to bring him pleasure and watch his beautiful face as he moans my name._

Jasper groaned and a sharp blast of lust hit me. I gasped and gripped Edward harder, desperate to have him kiss me, and touch me, and take away the insistent ache inside me. He wasn't even trying to hide his desire from his family anymore, barely holding himself together. I heard several soft moans and looked around. I couldn't see anyone's hands. They were all under the table. Even Carlisle and Esme looked like they were about to jump each other in front of me.

"Jasper...please," Edward groaned. "You're not making this easy."

"You guys started it," Jas wailed, not bothering to even lift his head off the table. "You're killing me here, bro. I hope you realize that."

"He's killing all of us," Rose moaned as Emmett leaned over to kiss her neck.

"There's certainly...uh..." Carlisle shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. Esme looked at him and licked her lips. He blinked at her. "I'm sorry I have no idea what I was about to say."

"Something about the dizzying lust filling the room," Esme offered as Carlisle reached out and cupped her face.

"Uh...yeah," he muttered. "What she said." He stroked her lips with his thumb and she gasped.

"Edward," Alice moaned as she ran her hands through Jasper's hair, "this is all your fault. You're turning a nice family dinner into a...a...oh God, Jasper, I need you."

She grabbed Jasper by the hair and pulled his head up, covering the side of his face and neck with hungry kisses.

"It's not my fault," Edward murmured, reaching under my skirt and stroking my inner thigh. "I'm just experiencing normal desire for my mate. Jasper's the one who's forcing you all to feel it too."

"It's a never-ending cycle," Jas groaned. "I get it from Edward and Bella, and can't help but project it, and then you guys all get turned on and send it back to me, and it goes back to Edward and Bella, and then the whole thing starts all over again. I can't handle it. I feel like a giant aphrodisiac that really needs to get laid."

Another lustwave hit us and I slumped in my chair as Edward's fingers brushed across my panties.

"This phenomenon is actually...quite...oh...God...interesting," Carlisle stammered as Esme licked his index finger before sucking it into her mouth. "Uh...the...uh...when the already-present lust for our mates is...added to the new dynamic of Edward and Bella's desire...it's...really...quite...oh, hell, Esme...debilitating. Astonishing, really."

"Yeah...astonishing," Emmett groaned. "Dinner's over, right? We can go?"

"Bella?" Esme asked with pleading eyes as she released Carlisle's finger and he immediately brought her hand to his mouth to return the favor. "Oh...oh..." She exhaled and steadied herself. "Is that okay with you?"

I swallowed and nodded vigorously, managing to only whisper, "yes" before there was a blur of movement and the only people left in the room were Edward and me.

The front door slammed loudly.

In a flash I was sitting on the table with Edward between my legs, his erection pressing against me as he cupped the back of my head and kissed me passionately. I groaned loudly and wrapped my legs around him, urging him forward as my shoes fell off and I pressed my heels into his ass.

"That was the longest three hours of my life," he grumbled as he pulled back, panting roughly. "I can never go that long without putting my mouth on you again, do you hear me?"

I nodded as he grabbed the neck of my sweater and tore it open down to my navel.

"This fucking sweater has to die. I'm sorry."

I didn't even have time to accept his apology before his mouth was on my neck, his tongue driving me crazy as he sucked and licked me.

"Dammit, Isabella...your neck," he groaned. "I love your neck. It drove me mad not being able to see it tonight. I'd take you upstairs to show you my new bed, but it's too far. I need you here. Now."

"Edward...your family -"

"Gone. Probably for hours. Thank God. Need you...need to have you."

I tangled my fingers in his hair and arched my back as his arms wound around me, pulling off my ruined sweater and pressing our chests together. I closed my eyes as I struggled to breathe, bright blooms of light bursting behind my eyelids as my whole body screamed out to be closer to him. His smell, his taste, his touch - all combined to rob me of all sense of reason. All I could comprehend was his mouth on my body, and I craved more of his skin under my hands.

"Too...many...clothes," I panted as I grabbed his t-shirt and tugged. He pulled away from my neck long enough to wrench it over his head and throw it away. My palms immediately pressed against his chest, my fingers digging into the firm muscles and cool skin.

_Perfect. He feels like perfection to me. Made for my hands. My body._

I raked my fingers over him, and he moaned and kissed my mouth. Within seconds we became a frantic mess of hands, and tongues, and low desperate sounds.

He pulled back and I saw the primal hunger in his eyes. The clawing, violent desperation.

A low, menacing growl rumbled in his chest.

_Oh...God._

This wasn't the gentle Edward I knew. This was the beast peeking out from his eyes - dark and dangerous. I was simultaneously terrified and aroused beyond all comprehension.

"Tell me you want to fuck me," he snarled into my ear before licking and nibbling the lobe. "Tell me you want me inside you."

I knew he was walking a fine line, teetering between the dual sides of his nature, but I trusted that he was still in control. His voice was rough but his hands were gentle, and quite honestly, feeling the savage need that emanated from him was thrilling.

"Say it, Isabella," he ordered, looking into my eyes.

I swallowed and tried to calm my pounding heart.

"I want to fuck you," I whispered, barely able to speak around the hammering in my chest.

"Tell me you want _me_ to fuck _you_."

"You know I do."

"Say it."

"I want you to fuck me."

"Tell me you love me," he demanded, his voice gentler as he pressed his nose into my cheek and inhaled loudly. "Tell me you're mine." He reached under my skirt and ripped off my panties, his fingers moving around the delicate flesh at the top of my legs, but not touching me where I so desperately wanted him to. "Tell me, Isabella. Say it."

I gasped and panted.

"I love you, Edward. I want you. I'm yours. God...touch me."

He reached behind me and swept the remaining dishes away with his arm. They smashed into the wall with a loud crash, but I barely heard them. He pushed me back into the middle of the table and climbed on top of me, kissing me as he settled between my legs and ground himself against my bareness.

_God, yes...there...please...right there._

He moved back to my neck and I could hear him mumbling against my skin, words like, "soft...warm...goddamn delicious," whispered frantically between his panting and moaning. He ripped open my bra and palmed my breasts, sucking, and kissing, and sighing against them.

"So beautiful. So absolutely fucking beautiful."

I rocked against him and looked down at his face moving over my chest, his eyes closed in concentration as a deep moan echoed in his chest. I grabbed at his naked back and shoulders, needing more, needing all of him.

Suddenly he grunted and froze, bracing himself on his elbows. His forehead dropped onto my chest as he made a strangled noise, the phantom burn of his venom echoing in my body.

I stopped moving, tried to stop breathing. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled as I sensed extreme danger.

He gazed up at me, his eyes almost completely black, a thin circle of gold surrounding the darkness. He looked so conflicted. On the edge of both pleasure and pain. I felt a tight twisting in my stomach, and I knew he was fighting to stay in control.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I panted, reaching out slowly to frame his face with my hands. "I need to know."

"No, you don't," he said, his voice raspy and raw. "The things that go through my mind when I'm like this...they're so wrong, but I can't help thinking them."

"Tell me."

He shook his head and swallowed.

"You'd be disgusted."

"I won't. Trust me."

He swallowed several more times, his eyes sweeping down to my neck and then back up to my lips.

"How can you trust me when I think such vile things? I don't understand."

"You don't have to understand," I reassured him, gently stroking his jaw. "You just have to let me in. All the way in. Please. It's not going to change the way I feel about you. It will just help me understand you more."

The muscles in his jaw tightened and I could see him struggling to let me see all of him. All the things that he usually edited out.

Finally he looked back to my eyes, and his determination to be honest was palpable.

"I'm so hungry for you, Isabella," he groaned. "Your scent, your skin, your touch. Everything about you makes me insane with need. So excruciatingly...insatiably...ravenous."

He looked so ashamed of his admission.

"Ravenous? For my blood?"

"For all of you," he admitted. "Every piece of skin and every ounce of blood. I want to fuck you endlessly while I drain the life out of you, and as much as I just want to push those violent thoughts into the background, they're always there. Constantly tempting me. A disgusting reminder that underneath all my civility, I'm merely a bloodthirsty, violent animal, controlled by the most primal urges."

"That's not true. That's part of you, yes, but that's not who you are."

He looked at me with immense sadness.

"Isabella, you're my mate. I shouldn't _want_ to hurt you, but while one part of me is screaming to love and protect you, the other part is whispering that your blood was made for me; that I _own_ it; it's pointless to try and deny having it. I want to possess and consume it all. And you. Have you pulsing inside my veins while I ravage your body."

"Is that what you fantasize about when you start to lose control?"

He nodded.

"Biting me?"

He frowned and swallowed.

"Yes."

"Draining me while you're making love to me?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled.

"Fuck...it's so wrong, but...yes."

I stroked his cheeks until he opened his eyes and looked down at me, bracing his weight on his forearms beside my head.

"Should we stop talking about this?"

He sighed. "Do you want to know more?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want to know more about the vampire side of you. I want to know all of you. Not just the bits you think I can handle seeing."

"I'm afraid that if you see all of me...you'll..."

"Think you're a monster?"

"Yes."

I pulled him down to kiss me. He grunted against my lips and wrapped his hands in my hair, kissing me with the fervor of a man who thinks he'll never kiss someone again.

"Edward," I panted as I pulled back, "there are lots of monsters in the world - people who don't have the excuse of vampirism for doing the evil things they do. You and your family? You're all amazing, loving, incredible people. I'm humbled by you all. Spending time with them tonight? Hearing them talk about you with such open adoration? It just confirmed what I've known all along about you: you're incredible. But I don't want to learn everything about you from them. I want you to tell me."

"I love my family," he said gently.

"So do I. And I love you. And nothing you say to me will ever change that."

"Then I guess we can keep talking."

"Does it make it harder for you to control yourself when you talk about stuff like blood and sex?"

He pressed his erection against me, and I dug my fingers into his shoulders and moaned.

"Isabella, my body is on top of yours. My skin is on your skin. I can hear your fucking tantalizing blood rushing through your paper-thin veins mere inches away from my hungry mouth, and the smell of it gets more potent every damn second. My control is pretty much at its limit whether or not we discuss it."

"In that case, tell me...in your fantasies...where do you bite me?"

He groaned and his whole body tensed above me. For a moment I thought he might pull away, but after a few seconds he relaxed a little and he nuzzled into my neck.

"You know where I want to bite you," he rasped, grazing his lips across the juncture between my neck and shoulder. "This spot right here, where the scent of your blood is the strongest. I can see the giant artery pounding so strongly. It's like...I can hear your blood call to me. Wanting to be inside me. Sometimes, the fantasies that play in my head are so real I can almost taste it - sweet and thick - filling my mouth."

He shuddered and pressed his lips against my hammering pulse.

"God, Isabella...you don't understand what a gift your blood is. How incredible it would taste."

He closed his mouth over my neck and I could feel the slightest pressure of his teeth over the thin skin as he sucked gently, a low moan reverberating from his chest into mine.

I felt a rush of lust laced with a strong dose of fear.

_I shouldn't find this arousing. I really, really shouldn't. His teeth could slice me open in a second and I'd be dead before I even knew what was happening. He holds the power of life or death in his deceptively gentle hands, and for some sick reason I find that unbelievably thrilling._

_Swan, you're a total sicko._

I threw my head back as his mouth moved over me, all the while his pelvis continued to grind; a gentle, insistent pressure that kept winding me tighter and tighter.

"Do you have any more questions?" he asked gently, his lips continuing to trail across my neck and chest. "Or have I horrified you enough for one night?"

I grabbed his face firmly and made him look at me while I reached down and palmed his erection.

"Do I seem horrified to you?" I demanded.

His eyes flashed with lust as he pressed himself against me, circling his hips and eyeing my throat.

"No. You don't look horrified. You look good enough to eat."

"Not funny."

"It's a bit funny."

"A small bit. You vampires have weird senses of humor."

"Yes, but we make up for it by being amazing lovers."

"Prove it."

He apparently took my challenge to heart because he leaned down and kissed me like I'd never been kissed before, his lips and tongue rough and demanding as his hands trailed fire all over my body.

Although I was mostly naked, my skirt was still bunched around my waist, and apparently it was hindering him, because suddenly, a low snarl tore out of him and my skirt came apart in his hands.

I gasped and he growled in my ear, "Fuck, I need to taste you, Isabella. I need it. Now."

Suddenly, his hands and mouth were all over me - on my breasts, my ribcage, my stomach, my hips. I could barely comprehend what he was saying.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," I panted, running my hands over the muscles in his back. "I mean, I trust you, but...what if you can't stop? I don't want to die."

"I'm not talking about your blood anymore," he said, as one hand trailed down my body, pressing against where I was wet and aching for him.

"Oh," I gasped as his cool fingers pushed inside me. "Ohhhhhhhh."

"The only thing in the world as tempting as your blood...is this," he murmured against my lips as he gently thrust his long fingers in a slow, excruciating rhythm.

_Oh...sweet Jesus...that feels incredible._

"I need the taste of you on my tongue, Isabella. Tell me to put my mouth on you. Please."

_Whatever you want. Just don't stop touching me._

"Yes...please, Edward...I want it...want you."

In a second he had moved down my body and was pushing my knees apart as he bent over me. I cried out in pleasure as his cool, wet mouth closed around me.

_Oh...dear...God._

I clawed at the varnished wood beside me as he grabbed my hips and pushed his face further into me, and when he took my clit between his lips and started flicking it with his tongue, I couldn't help gripping his hair as my back arched off the table.

"Ohhhhh...Edward..."

I was quickly losing myself in what he was doing, every muscle drawing in, filling me with exquisite tension. He knew my body so well, knew exactly what to do to me. His mouth and hands were cool, but everything they touched blazed and tingled, hot-electricity charging from his body to mine, from his fingers and tongue, to his cool breath into my fiery skin.

He was panting, hard and loud, and I knew he was getting high on my scent, on the smell of what he was doing to my body. How he was affecting it. How he was making my blood pound and race, only for him.

His mouth was a revelation, teasing and manipulating until I was barely coherent and groaning for more, but I didn't want to come without him inside me, so when I felt myself breathless and cresting, I tugged on his face and urged him back up my body, tearing at the buttons of his jeans as soon as they came within reach.

"I need you," I panted, reaching inside his half-opened jeans and gripping him tightly. "God...please, Edward."

There was a flurry of movement and suddenly his naked thighs were pressing against mine and his erection was rubbing against me, making me even more desperate for him.

We kissed, all open-mouthed passion and small noises, and I gasped as he entered me, slow and gentle, one mind-blowing inch at a time.

He moaned and exhaled a long breath, and I wrapped my arms and legs around him as his hips nestled against mine, the absolute rightness of our bodies joining making us both sigh.

"Jesus..." he murmured against my shoulder. "I don't think I'll ever get used to this. I just...God, Isabella...how can one woman feel so good? How?"

"I feel the same way about you. How did I ever survive without this?"

We just held each other for a few moments, and for the first time since he was last inside me, I felt completely whole, and happy, and...right.

He kissed me and started moving, slow gentle thrusts, careful and self-conscious; monitoring every ounce of pressure he was putting on my body. I lifted my hips and he slipped deeper, both of us moaning at the sensation, but I needed more. My body was tight and desperate, and I needed for him to let go. To let himself enjoy what we were doing rather than worrying about it.

"You don't have to be so gentle," I said, running my hands over his shoulders and arms.

"I never know," he said, swallowing and moving more confidently. "I'm always terrified I'll break you."

"Let me help you," I urged, and I saw the comprehension in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around me, and without losing our connection, rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him.

I pushed down fully onto him and his hands immediately went into his hair, tugging roughly as he squeezed his eyes shut and let out a long, plaintive groan.

"Fuck...yes," he muttered to himself as I placed my hands on his chest and started raising and lowering my hips. He opened his eyes and looked down to where we were joined, a look of supreme wonder spreading on his face.

"Oh...God...Isabella." He gazed up at me. "You just...God, look at that...ohhhh. That is so incredibly...Jesus."

I leaned down and kissed him, and his hands trailed down my back before coming to rest on my hips, pushing me down more firmly, guiding my pace. I sat up and he gripped me tighter, his gaze traveling from my face to my breasts and once again down to where he was disappearing inside of me.

"Ohhh...Isabella," he moaned as I started moving faster, the feel of him driving me crazy as my whole body tensed with pleasure. I gazed down on him, his soft, open lips, dark heavy eyes that watched my every move with predatory intensity, his hands, constantly moving, caressing my shoulders, neck, breasts and back, so full of strength yet so amazingly reverent.

He was magnificent, and when he realized I was about to come, I wanted to record the expression on his face and keep it in my memory forever. It was like someone had just revealed the meaning of life to him, and his expression of raw, unadulterated gratitude was staggering.

"You're so beautiful," he said, gazing up at me, guiding my hips with his hands. "So unbelievably and completely beautiful."

"So are you."

I leaned down and kissed him, and when his hands left my body and I heard a snapping sound, I knew that he was close.

I sat up to find his fingers buried deep in the lacquered wood of the dining room table, his chest rising and falling rapidly. I moved faster, panting loudly as my own orgasm stretched and tightened, every muscle tense and coiled.

"Oh, fuck, God, yes..." he moaned as more of the table crumbled beneath his fingers and his hips lifted. I pressed my chest against his and kissed him as he came, his whole body straining hard and strong as I rode him faster.

Suddenly, I was coming too, and I gasped and buried my face in his neck as my muscles convulsed and spasmed in pleasure, stealing my breath, making me freeze and moan and cling to him desperately.

"Oh, God...Edward...yes..."

I've experienced my share of orgasms over the years, and until meeting Edward, I thought I knew what to expect from my body, but now, with him, everything was different...more intense than I ever knew possible. It was as if my whole life before him was just a rehearsal for the main event; like my body had been powered by batteries and had now gone nuclear.

I bit into his neck as the force of my orgasm blinded me, and as the last tremors shivered through my muscles, I collapsed on top of him, our chests pressed together as we panted and stroked each other with gentle, grateful hands.

I heard a familiar ringtone from the kitchen and groaned.

"Leave it," Edward mumbled.

"Have to," I replied. "Can't move. Paralyzed by orgasm."

"Ditto. So good."

"Uh huh."

The phone rang several more times and then cut off, no doubt going to voicemail. Thirty seconds later my message tone beeped.

"Message?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

We lay there for minutes, stroking each other in silence as we both recovered.

Eventually, I sighed and lifted my head off his chest, looking at the mess we'd created.

There was torn and discarded clothing all over the place, and broken dishes and bits of food were imbedded in the far wall.

Beside us, on the table, there were two large holes in the wood, roughly the same size as Edward's hands.

I flopped back down onto his chest and yawned.

"Esme's going to kill you when she sees that," I said nuzzling into his neck.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me.

"Totally worth it."

...

...

...

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**I apologize for the tardiness of this update. Crazy time of year. You all probably know this.**

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**Kiya x**


	18. Interview with a Vampire

**Update: ****21st December, 2010**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly and she's amazing beyond words.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Still. Dammit.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 18 - ****Interview with a Vampire**

Isabella sighed and curled into me, her thigh draping over mine as her hand settled on my chest. She drew random patterns on my skin as we both panted, our bodies still coming down from the high of our lovemaking.

_I'm never going to get tired of touching this woman. Ever. Her skin? Jesus...so warm. Can't stop touching it. Don't want to._

We were naked on my new bed, the sheets ripped and hanging off haphazardly, the scent of venom, sweat, and sex thick in the air.

She let out a long exhale and shook her head in wonder. When we spoke our voices were a mixture between a sigh and moan.

"God, Edward, that was just..."

"Yes. It was."

"I mean, it was so..."

"I know."

"How the hell did you do that last thing."

"Prehensile toes."

"Holy hell."

"Yep. I'm pretty sure it might be illegal in some states."

"You're amazing."

"So are you."

I kissed her forehead as she snuggled into me, her hand coming up to stroke the side of my neck. I closed my eyes and reveled in the sensation.

It had been three hours since we'd made love on the dining room table, and I'd been inside her for most of that time. I found it painful not to be. I realized I'd probably pushed her body too far tonight, taken too much of what I craved without properly considering the consequences on tender skin and soft flesh, but I found myself increasingly out-of-control with her.

I'd taken her in the kitchen, on the stairs, against the hallway wall, on my leather couch, and finally, in my new bed. We'd had to stop often to allow me to calm the beast and let my bloodlust wane, but she matched my passion at every turn, taking what she needed and then demanding more, coming over and over again, but never seeming fully satisfied.

"Are you sore?" I murmured, running my fingers gently over her skin.

"A little."

"I'll draw you a bath."

"You'll _draw_ me a bath?"

"Yes."

She looked up at me and smirked.

"What good is a picture of a bath going to do me?"

I tried to suppress my smile.

"Isabella, are you trying to be witty?"

"Not trying. It just comes naturally."

I grabbed her hand and pressed it against my still-hard erection.

"Yes. I guess 'it' does come naturally," I said as I squeezed our hands around me.

She laughed and raised herself on an elbow so she could look down, her hand continuing to move.

"Edward, did you just make a double entendre by implying that 'it' was your penis?"

"My hard, hugely-orgasmic penis, yes."

She laughed again. I frowned.

"You find my penis funny?"

"Not in the least," she smiled as she looked down to watch our movement. "Your penis is many, many things. Funny is not one of them."

She twisted her hand and moved a little faster. I couldn't help but push my head back into the bed and groan, "Then you're laughing because...?"

"I can't believe how funny and sexy you are."

"I see," I panted. "Go on." _And for God's sake, don't stop._

She laughed again before leaning down to kiss me.

"You're extremely funny," she whispered as she kissed down my neck. "Especially when you're fishing for compliments."

"I don't fish. Disgusting sport and smelly as hell. Now, about me being sexy..."

She kissed me again, longer this time. Deeper.

"So goddamn sexy," she moaned against my lips, her hand moving faster. "And so very, very hard."

_Fuck__, yes._

Right on cue, my mouth filled with venom, and my mind went to very bad places. I pulled her hand away and swallowed, trying not to show the pain of the acid traveling down my throat.

"Venom?" she asked as she stroked my cheek.

I nodded, shamed by the admission.

"Do you always make more venom when you get turned on?"

I shook my head.

"No. It's not something that usually happens during intercourse between two vampires. But when I'm intimate with you, the proximity of your blood brings out the feeding instinct in me, so it's not just that I'm aroused, it's kind of like..."

"You're fucking someone made out of chocolate cake?"

I blinked, not sure if I'd heard her correctly.

"Uh...what?"

She smiled.

"I'm trying to understand you more by translating our situation into terms I understand. You're addicted to blood, and I'm addicted to chocolate cake; so, if I imagine myself making love to someone made out of chocolate cake while trying to resist taking a bite...I...well...I guess I understand a little bit of the hell you go through to be intimate with me. Still, if I were you, I'd eat that damn cake in a second and then go find more. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. Kind of like an alcoholic. Well, a chocoholic anyway."

I stared at her.

"You think you're chocolate cake?"

"Well, obviously not. But it's an analogy I can relate to."

"Chocolate cake?"

"Yes."

"Cake...made with chocolate?"

"Yes."

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean, 'no', that's a ridiculously inadequate description of how tantalizing you are to me. You're not just some generically tasty chocolate cake, Isabella. A more accurate simile would be a mind-blowingly delicious chocolate cake made specifically and exclusively for my taste buds, and then laced with alcohol, heroin, and Viagra. You're the chocolate cake that I would crawl over broken glass for. That I would traverse continents for. That I would kill to have and die to protect."

She looked at me in awe.

"So...like, Betty Crocker chocolate cake then?"

"I have no idea who that is."

"She makes the kind of chocolate you're talking about."

"Oh. Really? It exists?"

"Oh, yes. It exists."

"Interesting."

She grabbed the back of my neck and urged me to kiss her. I complied obediently and she attacked my mouth, sucking and kissing me fiercely.

"God, you taste so sweet," she panted as she pulled back. "Like wine, and sugar, and toffee. Is that the venom too?"

"Yes. Everything about us is designed to draw humans to us. Seduce them. Make them ignore the sense of danger they naturally feel and allow us to feed with minimum effort."

"Did you ever seduce humans?"

"You mean apart from you?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Why not?"

"They never held any appeal for me."

"Not even the Italian policewoman who gave you wood?"

"Not even her."

"Just me?"

"Just you."

"Good."

She kissed me again, and as I pushed my tongue into her mouth she attacked it greedily, moaning and grasping me with increasing desperation. Once again the venom flowed, and once again I pulled back. This time I couldn't help but wince as it scorched my throat when I swallowed.

"It hurts, huh?" she asked, stroking my cheek.

I nodded. "It burns."

"What about after you feed?"

"It burns less."

"But it's still there?"

"Yes."

"Always?"

I sighed.

_Dammit, Isabella, why do you insist on forcing me to tell you things that might change your mind about being turned?_

She looked at me expectantly, and I couldn't deny her an answer.

"When we feed on humans the burn goes away for a short time, but otherwise, yes, it's always there. Always thirsty. Never satisfied."

"What if you drank from me?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and moved her off me so I could sit up. I swung my legs off the bed and turned away as images of me draining her and groaning in ecstasy hammered my brain. Even the suggestion was more than I could bear, partly because it was so grossly abhorrent to me, but mostly because I wanted it so desperately.

"Edward?"

"Just...give me a moment," I rasped as the beast rampaged around in my mind. The venom flowed as my muscles tensed, and all my senses immediately went into hunting mode.

I could feel her behind me, staying as still as possible, not giving me any excuse to take her down.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'm just trying to understand."

I swallowed a few more times before responding, "I know, but...it's difficult for me to answer questions about something that makes me realize how desperately I want to kill you. But I will. Because you want me to."

I turned so she could see my face, but I didn't look at her. I couldn't. Not with what I was about to say.

"If I drank from you, Isabella," I said slowly, swallowing venom every few words, "I suspect I wouldn't feel the pain of thirst for a very long time. Weeks. Maybe months. Your blood...would ease and invigorate me like nothing I've ever known."

"Would it make you stronger than animal blood does?"

_God, I c__an only imagine how powerful I'd feel with her blood pulsing through my arteries. I'd feel omnipotent._

"I don't know." _I'd feel like a God._ "Probably." _Definitely._

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her nod, and then she frowned in concentration.

"What about if I...you know...donated some blood to you? Like, Carlisle took some from me and then you drank it? Would that help ease your pain?"

Venom flooded my mouth and my stomach knotted with desperation.

Her even considering doing that for me only made me love her more, but unfortunately as far as her blood went, it wouldn't be enough. After the first mouthful I'd want more, and more, and more, and I feared I'd go insane if I couldn't have it.

I reached out and took her hand, bringing it to my mouth and gently kissing her palm.

"Thank you...for offering, but...allowing me to drink your blood would be very dangerous, and I'm fairly certain I'd be even more dissatisfied with anything that wasn't you. The small taste I had on Halloween when you bit your lip...God, Isabella...it almost brought me completely undone. I really can't afford to covet you any more than I already do. You wouldn't survive."

We were silent for a few seconds, and I hated that my hunger for her ruined our good mood.

I was still getting used to her being so direct in asking about my vampirism. I'd spent so long hiding what I was from humans that being honest and open about my bodily functions and perverse urges was extremely confronting. She'd always been openly curious, and on one level I understood that she was in a completely bizarre situation and was simply trying to make sense of it. However, instead of asking about the generalities of being a vampire, she now wanted information specific to our situation. She wanted to know everything. Every tiny detail of how I acted and what I thought. How her presence affected me. How she challenged my control.

It made me nervous.

I kept waiting for the one piece of information that would push her over the edge and finally make her realize that being with me was a foolish and dangerous mistake.

I wanted to be as honest and open with her as possible, but not at the expense of losing her.

_If I could read her mind, this whole thing would be a lot easier._

"If you bit me, how long would it take for me to...you know...change?"

_And the __provocative venom-inducing questions just keep on coming._

"That depends," I said, willing my glands to settle the hell down.

"On?"

"How much venom was in your system. If there was a small amount...maybe five days. If there's a lot, perhaps two."

"How long did you take to change?"

_Too long, Isabella._

"It took four days, but that's because Carlisle hadn't changed anyone before and was unsure of the best way to do it. When he changed Esme, he'd figured out that using more venom was faster. She took three days. Rose and Emmett were the same."

She frowned in concentration.

"From what you've told me, you were all close to death when Carlisle changed you. What about me? If you inject the venom when I'm healthy...strong heart and everything...will it be faster?"

It was a valid question. When I was changed, my body was ravaged by Spanish influenza, my heart barely beating. Likewise, Esme, Rose and Emmett had all lost fatal amounts of blood - their pulses would have barely been detectable.

"And I know you guys are all old-school with your biting and stuff, but wouldn't it be much more efficient to...oh, I don't know...'milk' your venom and then plunge a huge syringe of the stuff straight into my heart? I mean, that way it would be pumped through the body in the shortest amount of time, right? Surely that would make the change quicker."

I looked at her in awe.

_G__orgeous, sexy, _and_ clever as hell? Unbelievable._

"Edward?"

I nodded and tried not to let her see how her extreme intelligence made me want her even more.

"Uh...yes, it's certainly something Carlisle has considered. I've caught flashes of it in his thoughts recently. I guess great minds really do think alike. It's definitely something we should consider when it's time to...change you."

The image of Isabella, waiting for my venom, still and trusting but nervous enough to grace me with one last blush, snaked through my mind. It was arousing me to no end.

"So perhaps my change will be shorter?"

"Perhaps."

"But it will still be unbelievably painful?"

_That's a severe understatement._

"Yes."

"Where does your venom come from?" she asked, running her finger around my lips.

I swallowed again.

"The venom glands are in similar positions to the salivary glands in a human: under the tongue and near the back molars."

"And obviously it doesn't hurt for me to swallow it, 'cause, you know...the kissing..."

"No, swallowing it is okay, as long as you don't have any cuts in your mouth. Your stomach acid breaks it down. It's only dangerous if it enters your bloodstream."

"So is that the same for your...uh...you know?"

She glanced down at my erection.

"My...ejaculate?"

"Well, I was going to say vamp-jizz, but whatever. Be all scientific if you must. It's sexy."

I laughed.

"I guess it's the same. I'd have to check."

"You do that," she said, raising an eyebrow. "I need to know."

The implication of what she was saying dawned on me. I tried not to moan. My venom went berserk.

_Oh, dear God. Isabella...swallowing._

If I wasn't uncomfortably hard before, I was now.

Even though she's wanted to on several occasions, she hadn't really put her mouth on me since the aborted oral-sex attempt we'd made in her bedroom. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't something that I'd fantasized about ever since. A lot.

She licked her lips. "I'm going to file that piece of information under 'useful things to know when dating a fuckhot vampire'."

"You also need to file it under 'topics of conversation that will drive your vampire boyfriend insane with lust'."

"Oh, really?"

"Really."

"Okay then. Filed. Now, I have more questions."

"Of course you do."

"Are you getting sick of them?"

"No."

_Not exactly._

"Good. How much venom does it take to turn someone?"

"I'm not sure; I've never done it." An image of James popped into my mind. "Intentionally."

Not for the first time, my guilt about what I'd done to James churned in my stomach.

Apart from the obvious tragedy of him killing his family, I was the reason he'd been granted eternal life to continue his sadistic ways. I shuddered to imagine what atrocities he'd inflicted on his human victims over the years. As a human, he was cruel and monstrous; as a vampire, his depravity could be limitless.

Most of our kind saw humans as vapid, stupid blood-bags. That was how James saw them when he was still mortal. I could only assume that his opinion of them had degraded even further since his change. He probably saw them as his playthings. Their screams were probably lullabies to him, satiating his need for inflicting pain.

Isabella touched my back and I flinched.

"You didn't know," she said gently.

"I should have known," I replied. "I was hungry and careless, and countless humans have paid the price."

"You'll catch him."

I nodded, not nearly as confident as she was. Without a scent to track I felt blindfolded. Handicapped. Between my family and the wolves, I knew we had a strong team dedicated to finding him, but I also knew the likelihood of doing that before he murdered anyone else was pretty low.

I'd just started hypothesizing about how long it would be before he claimed another victim when Isabella leaned over and kissed me gently, completely derailing my morbid train of thought.

"Did Carlisle tell you I stabbed him tonight?" she asked with a smirk as she pulled away.

I smiled and turned to her. She was changing the subject to distract me.

She really was a magnificent woman.

"No," I said, smirking back, "he didn't tell me you stabbed him. How did that go?"

"Well at first I didn't do it hard enough, but on the second try I had him on the floor, groaning."

I felt a flash of jealousy.

"Isabella, please choose your words wisely when discussing your interactions with other men, even my father. I now have a strong urge to go and punch him in the face."

She laughed and pulled on my hand, urging me to lie beside her on the bed.

"I stabbed him with a syringe full of wolf-blood," she explained as we settled on our sides, facing each other. "The first time it bounced off his chest, but the second time I stuck it straight into the muscle. When the blood was injected he...well...let's just say he said some colorful words that completely failed to make me blush. Then he grunted in pain for a while before thanking me. It was both awesome and totally bizarre."

I smiled and stroked her face.

_So beautiful._

"He's very excited about his trials with wolf-blood. The regenerative properties are like nothing he's ever seen."

"Carlisle thinks it might offer me a defense against James."

_What the hell?_

"You won't need one," I said firmly. "You're not leaving my sight until we catch him."

"Edward, that's not practical."

"I don't care."

"You can't be with me all the time. You need to hunt."

"I'll hunt when you're asleep, and then one of my family members with watch over you."

"Well, that's peachy, but I'd still like to continue to work with Carlisle."

The tone of her voice warned me not to argue with her.

I ignored it like the idiot I apparently am.

"What's the point?" I asked, my own voice edged with anger. "Nothing Carlisle can give you or teach you will help you fend off James. It's a waste of time."

She threw up her hands in frustration.

"Not to me it's not. God, don't you get it? I'm sick of feeling like a weakling in a house full of superheroes, Edward. I don't want to have you guys babysit me twenty-four-seven. I know you have to but still...it makes me feel...inferior...helpless. I want to feel like I'm contributing. Like I have a role other than 'screaming victim-slash-imminent snack'!"

Her eyes were fierce and determined, and as much as I hated the idea of her being drawn into our...my...mistakes, I couldn't deny her a sense of empowerment. I at least owed her that.

"I'm sorry. I didn't..." I shook my head, angry at myself. "Of course you should work with him. He'd like that."

She bit her lip and nodded, and I wished I didn't feel the intense need to beg her to let me change her so she could be as strong and unbreakable as the rest of us.

"What about vampire weaknesses?" she asked, sighing. "Is there anything you can tell me that might help if..."

"He's not going to capture you."

"Edward..." Her frustration was tangible.

She looked me squarely in the eye.

"Vampire weaknesses. Tell me."

"We're very flammable."

"Yeah, I got that from all of Emmett's 'immolation' talk tonight. What else?"

"There's not much else really. Our eyeballs, I suppose."

"Oh? If I poked you in the eye it would hurt?"

"Yes."

"Okay, so maybe mace would work?"

"I don't know. We could try it."

"I'll get some from Dad. What about your...ah...tender parts?"

I frowned.

"Your balls, Edward. If I kicked you in the balls would you cry like a baby?"

I contemplated my scrotum. I hadn't really thought about it as a weak spot before. And in all my years no one had ever kicked me there, so I didn't really have a comprehensive answer.

"Uh...I have no idea. Would you like to kick me there and find out?"

She ran her fingers up my thigh and I shivered.

"I think we can probably test the theory without resorting to that."

Raising her eyebrows and giving me a sweet smile, she reached between my legs and cupped me gently in her hand.

"Tell me if this gets uncomfortable."

She slowly began to squeeze. It was a most unusual feeling. Very alien and quite arousing.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I want to fuck you again."

"Okay, so obviously I'm not using enough pressure."

Her hand tightened further, and suddenly I felt a sharp agonizing jolt bloom in my lower abdomen. I grunted in pain and she immediately released me.

"You felt that?"

I exhaled and instinctively turned my groin away from her.

"Jesus, Isabella."

"I hurt you?"

"Yes."

"Outstanding!"

"Not from where I'm sitting."

I was astounded by how similar my reaction was to a human male, and realized I was cupping myself defensively.

"I wonder how much it would hurt if I did actually kick you."

She looked entirely too interested in finding out.

"Let's just assume 'a lot' and be done with it," I said, moving away from her.

She laughed and moved toward me. I retreated.

"What's the matter?" she taunted as I climbed off the bed and she followed. "Is the big bad vampire afraid of the itty-bitty mortal squishing his man-parts?

The wicked glint in her eyes told me she was joking, but I was wary of how her outstretched fingers were miming a vicious squeezing motion.

"Isabella," I warned, "you're to use this new piece of information against bad vampires only. Bad. Not good. Understand?"

My back hit the wall and she pressed herself against me, her hand gently grazing my upper thigh, teasing me.

"Are you telling me you're a 'good' vampire, Edward?" she whispered. "Because if you are, I promise to never touch your tenders again."

She brushed her hand all around the area without actually touching me. It was torturous.

"Just tell me you're good and I'll leave you alone," she promised, her voice innocent but the look in her eyes anything but.

"And if I tell you I'm bad?" I asked, my voice rough and low as venom streamed behind my teeth.

"Then I'll let you do bad things to me," she said softly, kissing my chest. "Very, _very_ bad things."

_Fuck, this woman is going to be the death of me. Or her._

My head hit the wall with a thud as I contemplated my dilemma.

As much as I wanted to do bad things to her, I knew she needed to rest. She must be exhausted. It was nearly midnight and as it was she'd only get five or six hours' sleep before she needed to go to work.

"I'll have to take a raincheck on playing the bad vampire," I sighed, looking down at her and brushing her hair away from her face, "because as much as I want to make love to you again, you really need to sleep."

She dropped her head against my chest and kissed it gently before yawning. "I hate that you're right. My spirit is willing, but my body is weak."

_Only for now, Isabella._

"Still," she continued, looking up at me, "at least I know I can kick some vamp ass now if I need to."

_God. How do I put this without sounding like a __condescending ass?_

"Isabella," I said, trying to be diplomatic, "I'm all for your being empowered, but I don't want you to think it will...I mean, don't let it give you a misguided sense of confidence. Just because you're able to squish a vampire's...man parts...when he's sitting next to you and expecting it, doesn't mean you'll ever get the opportunity to use this information against James. Even if he's the slowest vampire on earth, he'd still be across the room before you could lay a finger on him."

Her face dropped and she sighed.

"Yeah, I figured that, but...come on...let a girl dream, okay? Let's pretend I'm able distract him long enough to get a really good kneeful up there."

I put a finger under her chin and tilted her head so I could kiss her.

"You're right. Ignore me. I'm talking crap. James will take one look at your spectacular breasts and be so hypnotized he won't know what's happening until your knee connects squarely with his groin. His screams of pain will be heard in Canada."

She smiled and kissed me.

"I love that you entertain my fantasies. But...wait...I thought I was banned from showing other men my breasts."

"You are, except in the event of zombie apocalypse or vampire attack, and then you can use them as your secret weapon."

"Excellent. James and hordes of zombie won't stand a chance against my _Boobs of Doom_."

"None of us will," I said, cupping her in my hands and kissing her nipples lightly.

"Of course there's one major problem with this scenario," she said, grabbing my face and making me look at her instead of her chest. "If James is an ass man, I'm dead meat.

...

...

* * *

**I truly appreciate yo****u all being so patient with updates during this crazy time of year, and to**** thank you I'll be posting an extra update on Christmas day. ('Cause I'm sure y'all will have nothing better to do on that day but eat yourselves into a coma and then read fanfiction. Oh..wait...maybe that's just me.)**

**I adore everyone who continues to support this story. You're all hot.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	19. Hidden Clues

**Update: 25th December, 2010**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly, and if I could have her nekkid under my tree, I totally would.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Never will. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 19 - Hidden Clues**

My body was wrapped around Isabella's, her back to my front, her skin warming me, her heartbeat thick and loud in my ears, her scent heady and sweet in my nostrils.

I counted her breaths and ignored the siren pounding of her pulse; ignored the thrumming of her blood wherever our bodies touched, ignored the sharp flick of her carotid artery calling my name, ignored the beast's desperate please to taste her just a little...or a lot.

Okay, _'ignored_' might be the wrong description. '_Attempted to ignore'_ was more accurate.

_'Completely failed to ignore'_ was the _most_ accurate.

She moaned in her sleep and pressed back, her soft buttocks brushing against my painful erection. I stifled a groan and resisted the urge to wake her up and make love to her. But God, it was tempting.

_She'd barely have to participate. Just a subtle change of position and I'd be exactly where I want to be. Where I ache to be._

She pushed back again, grinding herself on me and humming in satisfaction.

The beast growled and urged me to dig my fingers into the soft flesh at her hip, rub myself against her, latch onto her neck with my teeth.

_Fuck. I need to get out of here._

As I eased her off my arm, she groaned in protest.

"I have to go," I whispered, not sure if she could hear me. "I won't be far away."

I climbed out of bed and she turned over, running her hands over the bed, looking for me. I pressed a pillow against her, and she wrapped her arms around it, sighing before settling again, her mouth falling open, her lips impossibly lush and inviting.

_Even when she's asleep she's driving me insane. Look at that mouth, for God's sake. _

I grunted in frustration and strode into the bathroom, turning the shower to hot and gripping my erection as I stood under the scalding spray, stroking myself roughly while placing one hand against the wall to brace myself as images of Isabella's mouth filled my mind. I groaned as the pleasure built quickly, my fist providing a poor substitute for the soft suction I craved so badly.

In my mind I saw her lips, felt her tongue, watched myself disappear and re-emerge, time and again, aching and throbbing, building to breaking point.

_Whacking off in the shower again? God, I really have to get a grip._

I groaned as my hand moved faster.

_Okay...Jesus...grip gotten. Good job._

I felt like my need for Isabella was boiling in my blood, crawling under my skin, and twitching in my muscles. In all my years, I'd never felt such a compulsion to lose myself in pleasure - pleasure I never thought possible before I met her. Although part of me was shamed by my lack of control, another part - the seventeen-year-old-boy part - was celebrating because he'd missed out on the usual sex-obsessed adolescence. He liked the way it felt to be perennially hard for a beautiful woman. He loved that he could bring that woman pleasure like she'd never known. He marveled at how, after all this time, that incredible woman could make him feel like his heart was still beating.

She loved me. Unconditionally. After several lifetimes of misery, it felt like I was a death-row inmate suddenly granted a full pardon.

And now she was sleeping in my bed, my scent all over her, my marks on her body. The primal cave-man in me smiled and beat his chest proudly.

"Mmmmmm... yes," she murmured sleepily from the bedroom.

_Is she dreaming about me?_

"Ohhh...yes...God...so good."

_Either she's dreaming of me or chocolate cake. It's an even bet._

It didn't matter. Her noises mixed with the mental image her fellating me was enough to have me groaning her name as I came hard against the tiles, making my muscles weak and my breathing rough.

"Fuck...Isabella...yes."

I grunted softly as the last jolts of pleasure faded, and then I turned and pressed my back against the wall as my legs buckled. I panted, waiting for my strength to return, and in the bedroom, Isabella's noises quietened.

_Jesus. She can wreck me without even touching me. Without even being in the same room. _

_Outrageous._

After a few more minutes of dedicated leaning, I gathered the strength to wash my body and hair, quickly exiting when the water turned cold. Toweling off as I walked back into the bedroom, I was stopped short by the sight of Isabella, sprawled naked on my bed, the moonlight reflecting off her translucent skin.

_God. There's surely no woman more beautiful on the entire planet._

I hurriedly pulled on some jeans and a t-shirt before rummaging through my bookcase for the digital camera Alice had given me last Christmas. It had never been used. Before now, I didn't have anything worth photographing.

As I walked around the bed, I took several pictures of her beautiful form, attempting to capture her sensual curves and magnificent skin . When she woke, I'd show the pictures to her, and if she liked them I was fairly intent on blowing them up to the size of banners and using them to wallpaper my room.

When I was done I leaned over, kissing her softly before covering her with the sheets and blankets. As I ran my fingers of her cheek, she grabbed my hand and cuddled it to her chest.

"Uh...sweetheart? I kinda need to use that," I whispered as I gently pulled it away. She moaned softly and licked her lips, and I decided to leave the room before I got the urge to have another shower.

Closing the door as I headed downstairs, I was well aware that my family would be returning soon and the house was strewn with evidence of Isabella's and my sexcapades, not to mention the tell-tale damage to the dining-room table that I was going to have to try and explain to Esme.

I couldn't even imagine what I was going to say.

_"Hey, Esme...funny story. I__ just ruined one of your favorite pieces of furniture because when I'm inside my gorgeous human girlfriend, I'm apparently totally incapable of not destroying something. Oops."_

_Yeah. Might need to work on that._

Sighing in resignation, I walked into the dining room and looked around at the mayhem.

_Jesus_.

It looked like a bomb had exploded. There were pieces of smashed plates imbedded in the wall, and there was food splattered everywhere - ceiling and floor included.

"Note to self," I muttered as I wandered into the kitchen and gathered some cleaning products and a bucket from under the sink. "Plate sweeping may seem romantic in theory, but in reality, it's unhygienic and messy."

I glanced at Isabella's phone on the kitchen bench. The message light was still flashing. In our haste to frantically fuck each other, we'd completely forgotten about the call she'd received earlier.

Hoping it wasn't an invasion of privacy, I picked up the phone and looked at the missed-call message: Jessica Stanley.

_The waitress? I wonder what she wanted. Probably something work related. _

I put the phone down and took my supplies and a bowl of warm water into the dining room, making a mental note to remind Isabella to listen to her messages.

Moving quickly, I cleaned up as best as I could and covered the damage to the dining room table with two large candelabras. It wasn't going to fool Esme for long, but it might buy me a little time. I was pretty sure the table was an antique from the civil war era, and I was more than a little concerned about the severity of her reaction to it being ruined.

_I know she joked about ripping me apart and setting me on fire, but this time? Yeah, she might actually do it._

_I wonder how much more dead someone who's undead can be._

After cleaning the dining room, I started on the kitchen, wiping down all the benches and packing the dishwasher., and was about to head back upstairs when I noticed Isabella's purse sitting on the bench.

A sudden flash of what it contained lit up my brain.

_The DVD. _

_The pornographic DVD of us. _

I glanced at the staircase.

_I shouldn't watch it while she's asleep. I should wait for her. _

I glanced at the purse.

_She wouldn't care. Hell, I've already seen most of it through Jacob's mind anyway._

Staircase.

_Still, it would be incredibly hot to watch it with her, __and then re-create the wall-fuck in the club._

Purse.

_Don't really need an excuse to fuck her against a wall. Just need a wall. And her. Plus if I watch it now__, when _she_ watches it I can concentrate on her reaction._

I nodded to myself.

_Justification complete._

The purse nearly came apart in my fingers as I scrambled to find the disc. The hard plastic case was already cracked from when Jacob slammed it down on the diner counter, and it received more damage as I closed my fingers around it.

"Shit."

I took a breath to calm myself as I removed the ruined case and threw it in the trash then examined the disc: it looked like a regular, nondescript DVD that could be bought at any store. I didn't really expect for James to give me any free clues about his location, but I always lived in hope.

Isabella was sleeping peacefully upstairs, her even breathing soft and reassuring. The woods surrounding the house were quiet.

"Well," I sighed, "guess I have nothing better to do than watch serial-killer-made porn. Damn."

In a flash I was inserting the disk into the DVD player and turning on the flatscreen. There were a few seconds of black before a grainy image of Isabella's house appeared. The front door opened and Jacob exited, getting in his ridiculous car and driving away.

During our impromptu wrestling match, I'd promised to repair his functioning scrap-metal considering I'd wrecked it in a fit of jealousy. I'd initially offered to buy him a new car, but he'd refused. I offered him any car, any model, any price. He still refused. Clearly the boy wasn't playing with a full deck. I mean, really, what sort of idiot turns down a Lamborghini for a Volkswagen Rabbit?

_And people say dogs are smart._

I concentrated on the screen. There was an artistic fade into a shot of Isabella's bedroom window, and when the image zoomed in, I could see myself kneeling at the end of her bed. She was naked and my head was buried between her thighs, her quiet noises and moans filtering through the camera's microphone.

_Jesus. How did I have no idea that fucker was watching us? For weeks he'd been watching. Cataloging my nocturnal visits to her bedroom. Watching our every move._

_Seeing her...naked and vulnerable._

Isabella had been in danger. He could have taken her at any time.

I had the sudden urge to run into the woods and rip apart every tree and rock until I found him. I was sick of his lurking and plotting, thinking he had a right to rob me of the one thing that made my existence worthwhile.

What happened to him and his family was a tragedy, but it was an accident. A mistake. MY mistake. He was NOT going to make Isabella suffer because of me. I'd tear him limb-from-limb before I let that happen.

Isabella's voice floated through the room, urging the on-screen me to give her more.

The me on the screen groaned with her as my hand came up and disappeared between her thighs. Isabella gasped and moaned, and I recalled that miraculous moment of pushing my fingers inside her for the first time. James obviously knew the importance of the moment because he zoomed in, getting a close-up of the look of complete wonder on my face. He then panned up to Isabella, the camera moving over her naked body like a hungry eye, lingering on her breasts as she arched her back and cried out.

"Asshole," I hissed under my breath. I thought watching this DVD would be stimulating, but right now all I wanted to do was destroy James with as much violence as possible.

The scene changed, and I saw the dance-floor at the Port Angeles club. The camera was following me as I moved through the crowd.

_Hell, he must have been right behind me._

Several yards in the distance I could see Isabella throwing her arms around Jacob. I saw myself tense on-screen and realized I was currently mimicking the action. Seeing her in his arms still made me insanely jealous. Knowing that she was mine now helped take the edge off, but even so...back then she was still his.

_Well, no, she was actually mine then too, she just hadn't admitted it yet._

On-screen me started moving again, pushing through the crowd, trying to get to her. James must have been holding the camera over his head because he captured Isabella and me on the dance-floor, grinding against each other as we kissed. God, our desperation for each other was palpable.

_How the hell did I resist draining her that night? That costume made her look obscenely edible._

There was a horizontal screen-wipe and suddenly we were backstage, Isabella pressed against the wall, my pants unzipped and hanging low as I thrust into her, both of us breathless. Obviously from the camera angle, James was in the rafters, looking down on us. The camera panned down to where we were joined. Just the sight of me moving inside her like that made me ache for her again.

On the screen, our movements were getting more frantic, our noises more desperate, and I had to shift my position on the couch because my erection was pressing uncomfortably against the button-fly of my jeans.

_Yeah...it was a really __great idea to watch this without her. What the hell was I thinking?_

I squeezed the bulge in the denim. The bulge demanded more.

_God, I'm an idiot._

I looked at the clock.

_Two a.m. _

_Way too early for me to wake my sleeping girlfriend and beg for sex__._

Suddenly, I was distracted from my aching erection by a flash on the screen. It was only there for a millisecond, but I definitely saw it. I rewound the action. We started fucking in reverse.

_Okay, that's weird in the extreme._

I found the flash and paused.

_What the hell IS that?_

The flash was actually a picture of a room. A bedroom. I could make out the edge of a bed and a lamp on a nightstand. The resolution was extremely poor, but I could see some clothes strewn on the about and a chair that had a purse slung over the back of it.

_Oh...shit. He's put this in here for someone to find. For me to find. He's playing games._

I hit play again, watching the screen carefully. Sure enough, somewhere between Isabella coming loudly and me joining her, there was another flash. I paused.

It was the same room, just a different angle. I could see more of the bed. There were legs under the covers. The window on the far wall was open.

_Point of entry._

I kept moving through the footage. There were more flashes, all the same room, the large shapes recognizable, but the details blurry and vague. There were close-ups of shoes...clothing. It was obviously a woman's room. There was a shot of a female hand, a silver ring glinting on the index finger. There was a close up of James' face, then another shot of him sitting on the bed next to a sleeping body. At least, I hoped she was sleeping. There was one of him leaning over her like a horror-movie vampire, hands poised in claws and teeth bared. The next one was of him smiling and giving the camera a thumbs up.

_Smug prick. He's really enjoying this._

I'd counted twelve extra frames in total when a low beep indicated that the motion sensors around the house were being deactivated. I ran down to the basement to check the screens and saw it was Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and Rose. I emerged from the basement as they entered the front door, all of them looking like they'd gone ten rounds with a weed-whacker.

"Jeez, Edward," Emmett exclaimed as he sniffed the air. "What the hell have you two been doing in here. It smells like sex...and lemon Pledge."

"Where are Alice and Jas?" I asked.

"They went to relieve the wolves watching Charlie Swan," Esme said, removing her muddy shoes and indicating for the others to follow suit. "Why?"

"I need Jas's technical expertise."

"For what?"

"To get frames from a DVD isolated and enhanced."

"Dude, I can do that," Emmett said, removing his shoes and seeming a little offended I didn't ask him. "Don't you remember that I'm an amateur filmmaker?"

"Emmett, filming yourself and Rose having sex with a digi-cam on a tripod is not filmmaking."

He laughed sarcastically before glaring at me.

"Just show me the fucking footage before I forget why I like you."

I grabbed him by the front of his extremely dirty shirt and dragged him into the living room.

"If you make one inappropriate comment about what you're about to see," I warned as I shoved him down into the couch, "I swear I'm going to rip off your arm and beat you with it. Understand?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, right, bro. Whatever."

I grabbed the remote control and rewound the footage to the first flash.

Emmett gasped.

"Dude! Is this...? Is this THE DVD? The vamp/human porno James made of you and Bella?"

I rubbed my eyes and tried not to hit him.

"Yes."

"Oh, man," he whispered as I hit play at the part where I was screwing Isabella against the wall. "That is so fucking hot. God, she must be so warm. Is she warm? Oh, fuck...look at that skin."

I slapped him hard across the top of the head.

"What the fuck?"

"Concentrate," I snarled as I pushed pause at the first flash. "James has inserted frames into the footage."

He squinted and leaned forward in his seat. "Uh...what the hell am I looking at?

"He's sending us clues. I think they're about his next victim. He used to do it all the time to the police when he was human. He's challenging us to figure out his game plan. It feeds his ego. Makes him feel superior."

"So, what the hell are we supposed to do with this?" he asked, gesturing at the screen. "It's grainy as fuck."

"That's why I need you to extract it and clean it up. There are at least twelve others in there too, maybe more. I need them all so we can analyze them as much as possible. Can you do it?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Of course I can fucking do it, man. Do you not remember who turbo-charged the X-box? Who re-wired the doorbell to play AC/DC? Who hacked into the school computer and gave you a failing grade in history? I'm a goddamn technological genius. When will you acknowledge that?"

He stalked over to the DVD player, punched the eject button, and snatched the disc.

"I'm just going to take this upstairs and work on it on my laptop."

"Emmett," I sighed as I grabbed his arm and took the disc from him. "No. Bring your laptop down here and work on it."

He frowned. "What the hell for?"

"Because," I said, clenching my jaw as vivid and disgusting thoughts flashed through his mind, "I forbid you to take this upstairs and whack off over my girlfriend."

He glared at me and huffed in frustration.

"Have I ever told you you're a mind-invading motherfucker?" he spat.

"Often," I replied tiredly.

"Just so we're clear."

He stomped upstairs, returning moments later with his laptop. Then he set it up on the dining room table and snatched the disc from me. Within a few seconds he had it loaded up and had started a video-editing program.

"This might take a little while," he said, concentrating on the screen. "Why don't you go insert a stick up your ass or something? The one you've already got up there must be getting lonely."

"But Em," I said mock-nervously, "two sticks might rub together and start a fire."

"Yeah, well...that'd be okay too."

I smirked and patted him on the shoulder. "Thanks, bro."

He waved his hand in a 'whatever' gesture and I went upstairs to find Carlisle. I could hear a shower running, but as I reached his and Esme's bedroom, Carlisle was seated on the bed, freshly showered, clad in jeans and putting on clean shoes and socks.

"Is Esme actually taking a shower or cleaning it?" I asked, leaning against the door jamb.

He looked up at me and smiled. "Both. It's kind of hot."

My face crumpled in disgust. "Too much information."

He chuckled and pulled on a shoe.

"Have a good night, son?"

"Yes and no."

"Bella's sleeping?"

I nodded. "She has to work today."

He finished lacing one shoe and started on the other.

"Does she know how unnecessary that is considering you're a genius with stocks and bonds and could probably buy this whole town if you wanted to?"

I laughed and sat on the bed next to him.

"No. We haven't had that conversation yet. She's still having enough trouble dealing with the whole, 'my boyfriend's an undead killer who wants to drink my blood' aspect of our relationship. Telling her I could buy Donald Trump ten times over might push her over the edge."

He nodded in understanding.

"Good point. We'd better make sure she wants you for your homicidal tendencies and not your money, 'cause I ain't sayin' she's a golddigger, but she ain't messin' wit no broke vamps."

I looked at him in horror.

"Carlisle, what the hell was that?"

"Uh...rap?"

"No, that was the most disturbing thing I've ever heard. Please never do it again."

"Just trying to stay fresh and hip, son."

"Don't. Seriously."

"Fair enough." He sighed and stood up. "So, I hear there were some interesting additions to the DVD James sent Jacob."

"You could say that."

"Jacob obviously didn't pick up on them?"

"No. They were too fast for him to see. I barely saw them."

"Any theories yet?"

I shook my head. "I'm sure there are details that will give us leads, but until Em sharpens the resolution, everything's too indistinct."

He took a t-shirt out of a drawer, pulling it over his head before running his fingers through his hair.

"So it seems James has chosen his next victim then?"

"Seems like it."

"Do we have any chance of saving her?"

I leaned my elbows on my knees and studied the cross-weave of the carpet. "Maybe. If we can figure out the clues fast enough, we might stand a chance. He usually keeps his victims alive for a few days. At least that used to be his M.O when he was human. I'm hoping he hasn't decided to change his pattern. The one thing that worries me is..."

I raked my fingers through my hair and exhaled.

_God, he really is an animal._

"What?" Carlisle urged.

I looked up at him. "During the time he keeps them alive? He usually tortures them."

A dark look of fury crossed Carlisle's face. "How long until Emmett finishes?"

_"I'm almost done!"_ came a call from downstairs.

"Then let's stop wasting time," Carlisle practically snarled before striding out the door.

...

...

Carlisle, Esme, Rose, and I shuffled restlessly behind Emmett while we waited for the images to finish rendering. Esme's eyes flickered to the large candelabras on the table and frowned at me.

"Did you put those there?" she asked suspiciously.

I swallowed and tried to play it cool.

"Yes. I thought they looked kind of...Gothic."

She looked back at them and shook her head.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Nothing," she said, waving her hand. "Sometimes I'm just surprised by your taste level. It's far too good for a straight man."

I felt simultaneously proud and slighted.

"I've been questioning his sexuality for years," Emmett offered.

I glared at him.

"What?" he asked, offended. "Until a few months ago you were a hundred year old virgin who listened to classical music in his ridiculously neat bedroom. It was a valid concern."

"Emmett," I sighed "the pictures?"

Two minutes to go," he replied, and I could see the action bar was almost full. He turned to us and leaned back in his chair.

"Okay, so the reason these images were grainy as fuck is because psycho-James captured them as raw images, meaning he didn't use any of the camera's built-in processors before storing them. It's not the normal way to do things and I'm guessing his motive was to fuck with us and make finding detail in the photos as difficult as possible. Unluckily for him I'm a digital genius who eats this shit for breakfast."

He grinned broadly and we waited for him to continue.

"So, first I extracted all the images, and then ran them through a raw converter in a wide-gamut internal colorspace, before working on the white balance and color conversion issues. Then I had to use a shitload of demosaicing algorithms to perform multivariate interpolations on the incomplete color samples captured in the raw image. From there it was a piece of cake to correct all the pixel correlations using anti-aliasing equations. Finally, I ran them through several high-resolution software generators. Comprende?"

We all looked at each other, blinking.

"Not at all," we muttered in unison. I didn't think any of us had ever heard Emmett use that many words with more than two-syllables.

I had a sudden need to high-five my little brother.

Rose ran her fingers though Emmett's hair. "Baby, I have never been more turned on by you than I am right now. It might just stop me from kicking your ass for enjoying that footage of Bella so damn much."

Emmett laughed and pulled her down onto his lap. "I have no idea what you're talking about, babe. I was just concentrating on the...uh...pixels...and stuff."

"Yeah," Rose scoffed, "I saw you ogling her pixels, you giant perv."

He smirked sheepishly.

The computer chimed.

"It's done!" he said with way too much enthusiasm.

He opened up the file, and we spent the next few hours pouring over every detail in the new-and-improved pictures, searching for any hints as to the owner of the bedroom, or its location. We identified a Forks High banner on the wall, posters of popular bands, a red cedar outside the window, and several knock-offs of famous-brand perfumes on her dressing table. Nothing specific enough to give us an idea about her identity.

Esme tried to extrapolate what the outside of the house would look like based on the inside architecture, and before long Carlisle had a map of the town on the table so we could form a search grid. Our most solid lead was the red cedar outside the window, but realistically, it was hardly an uncommon tree in Forks. Every second yard had one.

"Esme and I will start from the southwest at Evergreen Loop," Carlisle said. "Emmett, you and Rose start at the northeastern end of Callawah Way. We have about an hour before sunrise, and we should be able to cover most of the houses in that time. Call us if you find anything."

As Emmett and Rose left, I heard shuffling upstairs and then the rush of the shower.

Isabella was awake.

Esme looked at me.

"If you like I can quickly cook her some breakfast before I go."

I shook my head. "Finding the owner of that bedroom is more important. I'll make her something."

She nodded, and as she and Carlisle said their goodbyes, I pulled out a skillet, and some bacon and eggs from the fridge.

I decided to wait until after breakfast to tell her about the new development. She was running on empty and it wouldn't do to have her not eat because of stress.

By the time she came downstairs, showered and dressed and looking beautiful if a little tired, I'd assembled two fried eggs and three strips of bacon. To me, they looked and smelled revolting. Apparently Isabella didn't think so.

"Oh, God, that smells amazing!" she said, walking over to kiss my cheek before lowering her nose to the plate and sniffing deeply. "I'm starving."

"I thought you might be. I hope it tastes all right."

"You made this?" she asked, looking at me in disbelief.

"I'm offended you sound so surprised," I said, smiling as I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against me. "Anyone would think you had no faith in your man's culinary abilities."

I leaned down and kissed her, sighing loudly as her soft warmth molded to me. She wound her hands in my hair and kissed me back, the fresh taste of toothpaste strong on her tongue.

_Jesus, she smells good. _

"I'll never doubt you again," she said sexily as she pulled back and turned to grab some silverware from the drawer. "Although it's going to get annoying real fast if you turn out to be good at everything."

"If it's any consolation," I offered, standing behind her and nuzzling her neck, "I'm completely useless at being able to resist touching you."

I kissed her neck gently and she dropped her head back onto my shoulder.

"Well, you have my permission to be crap at that."

She turned and looked at me with a completely different kind of hunger in her eyes.

"Eat your breakfast," I ordered, smiling. "Then I have something I need to show you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yes, sir."

"Not that."

"Oh."

"Eat."

She smiled and carried the plate around to the other side of the bench before taking a seat, and then she quickly cut up some bacon and egg, scooping it up. As she closed her mouth and chewed, her eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned.

"Oh, God, Edward. So good."

_Yeah...never going to get tired of her saying that to me. In any capacity._

"I'll be right back," I said before kissing her lightly and running upstairs. Pulling open my closet, I quickly pulled on shoes and socks and grabbed my keys, not wanting her to be late for work on my account.

When I got back to the kitchen she was holding her phone to her ear and listening to her messages. Then she frowned and mumbled a cuss-word around a mouthful of breakfast.

"Dammit, Jess," she muttered as she slapped the phone down on the counter. She scooped a huge forkful of food into her mouth before slipping off the stool, grabbing her purse and phone as she went. "Well, I guess I'm done eating. We have to go."

"Why?"

She sighed in frustration.

"Jess was supposed to do the prep this morning before we opened, but apparently she got drunk last night and met some guy, so she's not coming in. I have to do it all by myself, as well as handle the morning rush. This sucks so hard."

Suddenly, warning bells went off in my brain.

"She met a man?"

"Yeah," she said, pausing as she saw my expression. "That's what her drunken message said."

"Come here," I said, grabbing Isabella's arm. "Before we go I need you to look at something."

I led her into the dining room and gestured for her to sit in front of the laptop. Then I brought up one the wide shots of the mystery bedroom.

"Does this room look familiar to you?"

She frowned and scanned the image.

"Yeah, of course. This is Jess's bedroom. I used to sleep over all the time when we were in high school. Why do you have a photo of it?"

_Fuck. Victim identified._

"Edward?" Her voice was getting shrill. "What the hell is going on?"

"These photos were inserted in the DVD James sent Jacob. It seems..." I exhaled and clenched my fists. "I think James has chosen Jessica as his next victim."

Isabella's eyes widened and filled with panic. "What? Why?"

"I don't know."

Suddenly she was back on her phone, frantically pressing buttons.

"No...no, no, no, no."

She began pacing the length of the dining room.

"Come on, Jess," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "Answer your damn phone. Don't be dead. Please, please, please...don't be dead."

I heard a female voice croak from the receiver, "Wha?"

"JESS!" Isabella cried. "Are you okay? Where are you?"

"Jeez, Bella," the voice grumbled, "can you not fucking yell at me, for shit's sake? My head feels like it's about to crack open and spill my brains all over the bed."

Isabella ran her fingers through her hair and sighed in relief.

"Where the hell are you? Are you at home?"

"No," Jess mumbled. "I met this amazing guy last night. Didn't you get my message? God, he's so damn hot. Not Edward-hot, but still. Molto yummy. And he's funny. And sweet. A little rough in bed, but no one's perfect..."

Isabella cut her off. "What's the guy's name?"

There was a pause.

"His name, Jess!"

Another pause.

"Well, shit. You'd think I'd know that, wouldn't you?"

"Fuck," Isabella spat under her breath. "What does he look like? Does he have long blonde hair?"

Jessica made a disgusted sound. "God, ew, no. Do you think I'd go out with a douchebag with long blonde hair? I'm not that desperate. He's got short dark hair. Killer bod. Shit, what _is_ his name?"

"James?"

"Uh...um...no. Don't think so. Jackson? Jeremy?"

"Jess," Isabella said urgently, "listen to me. Where are you? We need to come and get you."

"I'm at his place," she replied, yawning. "I think he's gone out to get coffee. How sweet is that, right?"

"Where's his place, Jess? Do you have an address?"

"Uh...no. It's out of town. Can't really remember which direction. The house is kinda crappy actually. He said he's renovating it." There was a pause, and I heard a door open and close. "Oh, he's back! Hey, baby..."

Suddenly there was a familiar male voice in the background.

_"Jessica? Who are you talking to?"_

_God...no._

"My friend, Bella," Jessica said, still blithely unaware of the danger she was in. "She wants to know your address."

After a few moments, a sickeningly smooth voice said, "Why hello, Bella. I understand you're filling in for Jess today. What a great friend you are."

Isabella looked at me.

"It's James," I seethed, pure rage pulsing through my veins.

She turned green and started screaming into the phone, "DON'T YOU TOUCH HER, YOU BASTARD! SHE'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS! LEAVE HER ALONE!"

James ignored her and continued calmly, "Maybe one day we can all get together. Wouldn't that be nice? You, me, and Jess. Maybe grab a bite?"

Isabella screamed in fury. I took the phone off her and snarled, "Let the girl go, asshole! You want to hurt me? I barely know her. What could you possibly gain from killing her?"

"Ah, Edward," James sighed. "If I told you that, our game wouldn't be much fun now, would it? And I'm all about the fun."

"I'm going to kill you," I vowed.

"Not before I kill her," he countered, his easygoing tone edged with acid. "Time is running out, my friend."

I could hear Jessica's confused voice in the background. _"Uh...did you just say you were going to kill me? Is that a euphemism for sex?"_

I wanted to yell at her to run, but there was no point. Even if she could hear me she'd never outrun him. She was as good as dead, and it was my fault.

"Well," James said jovially, wrapping up the conversation. "I'd love to continue our chat, but I have a lot to do today. You know what they say about no rest for the wicked. By all means keep trying to find me. I've hardly had any playtime with my new girlfriend, and judging by her vocalizations during sex, she's going to be quite the screamer."

"_Hey," _Jessica giggled in the background,_ "that's stuff I tell Bella in private…."_

I growled and punched the wall in frustration.

"BASTARD!"

"Oh, Edward. Don't be so dramatic. There's still a slim chance you can save her before I get bored. Her skin will probably keep me distracted for at least twenty-four hours. It's beautiful. Similar to Bella's no doubt, all soft and creamy and warm. I can't wait to play with it."

"You're dead, motherfucker," I snarled as a sickening need to destroy James filled my every nerve ending. "I'm going to make you suffer."

He laughed.

"Sure you will. But first you have to find me. Good luck with that. Talk soon, Edward. Give Bella a nibble for me, okay?"

I swallowed down my rage as I tried to console Isabella, and the last thing I heard before the line went dead was James murmuring, "Come on, sweet Jessica. Time for breakfast."

...

...

...

* * *

**Uh...Merry Christmas?**

**Well, it seems the game is certainly afoot.**

**FYI, the 'sex and lemon Pledge' line is a homage to my girls at Unicorns Unlimited.**

**I'd just like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank all of my readers. Your constant support and sweet words truly humble me. I adore you all.**

**I hope your Christmas, holiday, and New Year celebrations are filled with love and joy, and I'd love nothing more that to share a glass of champagne with each and every one of you.**

**See you in 2011!**

**Huge hugs with a side of inappropriate touching,**

**Kiya x**


	20. Bait

**Update: 25th January, 2011**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly, and I honestly can't tell you how amazing she is.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. That should be clear by now.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains dark themes related to violence.**

**Uh...enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 20 - Bait**

I ran through the rain-soaked woods, the scent of Jessica's shirt thick in my nostrils as I desperately searched for any sign of her. Jasper was running to the north of me, and Emmett to the north of him, all of us keeping vaguely parallel so we could cover as much ground as possible without missing anything. Carlisle, Esme, and Alice were searching the area south of Port Angeles where they had briefly picked up Jessica's scent in a bar before losing it a few streets away. The wolves were searching south of us, down toward Jefferson Cove, and we were all equipped with cell phones in case anyone found something.

It had been nearly two days since we'd discovered James had abducted Jessica, and none of us had stopped moving in that time. Torrential rain had made our search difficult, and finding any scent in the deluge was almost impossible. Even heightened vampire/wolf senses weren't a huge advantage against the streaming rain, and we'd only covered a third of the ground we would have if the weather was clear.

My frustration was getting the better of me. I wanted Jessica to be safe. I wanted James dead. I wanted to be dry and in bed with Isabella. I'd hardly seen her since yesterday morning, and even then it was only briefly when I went home to change my sodden clothes. She'd been sleeping fitfully, and as much as I wanted to crawl in beside her and wish this whole screwed-up situation was a nightmare, I couldn't. It was happening, and it was my fault.

I'd quickly changed and kissed her gently before running back out into the rain, resuming a search that could very well be pointless.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I looked at the caller ID.

It was her.

God, I needed to hear her voice.

"Hi," I said as gently as I could while I continued to run.

"Hey."

Isabella's voice was quiet...worried, as it had been ever since she spoke to Jess on the phone yesterday morning.

"Found anything?"

I could hear the bustle and clink of the diner in the background. She'd insisted on going to work for the past two days, saying it helped keep her mind off things. I would have preferred her to stay at my house, but at least the diner was a public place, making it less likely that James would try anything there. Nevertheless, she always had someone with her, either a member of my family or a wolf. I wanted to be there myself, but I knew my speed was more valuable in the search. Plus, if we happened to actually stumble across James, I wanted to personally rip his head from his body.

"Nothing yet," I said, disappointed I couldn't give her better news. "Is Rose still with you?"

"No," she said with an edge of nervousness in her voice. "She's taken over watching dad. That's actually why I'm calling you. Uh...well...now...don't get mad, but my babysitter for the rest of the evening is...Jake."

I swerved suddenly to avoid crashing into a tree.

"Isabella, what the hell?"

"Sam called first to ask if I was okay with it. He thought it would be a good opportunity for me and Jake to talk. We haven't really had a chance to since...well...you know."

Most days I thought Sam was a pretty decent man. Today wasn't one of them.

"Isabella, he's dangerous. He's still unstable-"

"No, Sam said he was okay. And he looks fine."

"Fine?"

"Calm. Not like he did the other day."

I tried to push down the irrational jealousy that accompanied any image of Jacob being near Isabella, because realistically, I knew they had left things badly. Isabella still cared for him, and she'd probably like the opportunity to smooth things over. I also knew that Jacob was more than capable of protecting Isabella should anything happen. Knowing these things didn't make me any happier about the overgrown leg-lifter spending time with my woman.

"Put him on the phone."

"Edward-"

"Please, Isabella, just do it."

"Are you going to be rude?"

"Am I ever?"

She was silent.

I sighed and grudgingly said, "No, Isabella, I won't be rude."

She made a vaguely approving noise and there was a rustling as she handed the phone over.

"Edward," Jacob said with forced civility.

"Jacob," I replied, keeping my voice as even as possible.

"I take it your homicidal creation is still on the loose."

"Unfortunately, yes, and why don't you say that a little louder so the fine folks of Forks can overhear you and start panicking?"

"They have reason to panic. No one is safe from this asshole."

"Well, except Isabella of course, because you'll protect her with your life, won't you?"

I could almost see the hateful glare on his face.

"_Won't you_, Jacob?" I said, pointedly.

"She was my girlfriend for two years, leech," he hissed. "Of _course_ I'm going to protect her with my life. I love her."

I clipped a tree with my shoulder and it shattered, tearing a hole in my shirt.

_Shit_!

Jacob chuckled. "Wow. That sounded painful."

"Only for the tree."

In reality it had hit my left shoulder, the one where my arm had recently been reattached. It hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. Not that I'd ever tell him that.

"Just keep your eyes peeled, Jacob," I spat as I stopped running and rubbed the bark from my skin, rolling the shoulder to try and relieve the ache. "If you see anything suspicious, _anything at all_, you call me. Understand?"

"I can handle the bloodsucker if he shows up," he said condescendingly. "In fact, I'm dying to sink my teeth into one of your kind. You specifically, but he'll do in a pinch."

I huffed in frustration. "James isn't playing goddamn games, Jacob. If you see him, you call me, because I swear to God if anything happens to Isabella, I'll tear you into tiny pieces and feed you to the fucking bears."

He scoffed and mumbled, "Yeah, right," under his breath before handing the phone back to Isabella.

"Edward? Everything okay?"

"Absolutely," I said, sinking my fist into a large tree and wishing more than anything that I could be with her. "I just...God...I miss you."

I leaned my forehead against the tree and the pinch of the rough bark distracted me from the pain in my chest.

"I miss you too," she answered quietly. "And I miss Jess. I know I get impatient with her at times but...she's one of my few friends, Edward. I hate that this has happened. You have to find her."

"I will," I promised, and I would. I just couldn't swear I'd find her alive.

"I have to go," she said, sighing. "The dinner rush is almost over and then I promised Tyler I'd do lock-up tonight."

"Be careful."

"I will."

"Keep Jacob with you at all times."

_Now there's a phrase I never thought I'd utter._

"I will, I promise. I'd like to say I'm all brave and whatever, but...I'm scared Edward. I just want this to be over."

I hated that. Hated her feeling anything but incredible, and beautiful, and safe.

"I know. It will be soon."

"Will I see you tonight?"

"I don't know. If we finish this search grid and don't find anything, I'm not sure where we're going to look next. If I'm near the house I'll drop in."

"Wake me if I'm sleeping."

"You need your rest."

"Please. I need to see you. Hold you."

I dropped my head and swallowed.

"Of course. I'll wake you. I promise."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

She hung up and I started running again, picking up speed to try and make up for lost time. The rain was easing a little and it made it much easier to search the darkness for any signs of a house.

I'd been running for about half an hour when my phone buzzed again. It was Jasper.

"Found something?" I asked, hopeful despite the odds.

"Yeah, coming up on a house," Jasper said. "Fresh tire marks along the road. Looks promising."

"On my way."

I veered north with an extra burst of speed as I tried to not be too optimistic. We knew we were looking for a rundown house, but that wasn't exactly a rarity in these parts. We'd already found several, but none of them had showed any trace of Jessica.

I prayed this was the one. James liked to toy with his victims, keeping them alive while he played with them. However he never did it for more than a couple of days, so Jessica's time was running out fast.

Assuming of course she wasn't already dead.

I heard Jasper's voice up ahead, as well as Emmett's. They were discussing that there was no heartbeat inside the house. I drew alongside them and sniffed the air, and picked up the faintest hint of Jessica.

"She's here."

"Or was," Emmett said, pointing to the tracks. "He used a four-by-four to get up here, and those tracks are pretty fresh. That's probably why Carlisle lost the scent in Port Angeles. He had her in a car."

A knot of dread tightened in my stomach as I looked at the rundown house. Either he left with her, or she was still inside, dead. Either option didn't have a happy ending for Jessica.

It began raining hard again. Perfect. Just what we needed.

Wordlessly, we walked toward the front door. When we were a dozen yards away, the faint scent of blood squeezed through the wall of rain.

I picked up my pace and slammed through the rotting door. It fell off its hinges and I heard one of my brothers pick it up and toss it outside. The sound of the rain on the roof was deafening as I searched through the small house. The living room was to the left of the hallway. Jessica's scent was there, faint but definite. Across the hall was an empty bathroom, and the scent was stronger. The next door was a bedroom. As I stepped inside the smell of stale blood hit me, strong and thick, the sweet copper of it making my mouth stream with hopeful venom. A wave of bloodlust added to mine and I knew it was from Jasper, his body still craving the sweetness of our natural prey.

"There," Jasper said, pointing to the far wall.

There was a double bed pressed up against the mildewed wallpaper and tattered curtains. It was covered in blood. Far too much for Jessica to still be alive.

A thick fist of rage and guilt forced itself down my throat and I ground my teeth in an effort to stifle my roar of frustration.

"Shit," Emmett sighed quietly behind me.

There were ropes attached to the four corners of the bed frame. He'd tied her up. There was blood and skin embedded in the nylon fibers, indicating she'd struggled. Violently.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to block out the images of what he'd probably done to her. I'd seen his handiwork before. How he taunted his victims as he tortured them, enjoying their sobbing and screaming as much as the sight of their blood.

"So it looks like he's taken her body with him," Jas said softly. "We could follow the road, try and track the car."

"I'll go," Emmett said. "You two should tell everyone what's going on. Come up with a plan for what to do next."

I nodded mutely. I didn't dare speak. Or move.

"Bro, it's not your-"

I held my hand up because if he finished that fucking sentence and said it wasn't my fault, I would probably smash him into a wall.

Thankfully he took the hint and shut up. He sighed before clumping down the hallway and taking off down the muddy road leading away from the house.

He wasn't going to find James, not until he wanted to be found. We were all just running blind. Dancing like puppets on his strings.

"We'll have to find the body," Jas said, touching my shoulder. "We need to give her family something to bury."

"No," I said before I realized I'd spoken, my voice strangely calm and flat.

_You don't want us to find her? _Jas thought, frowning.

"Of course I do. I just don't want her family to ever see her. She's not going to look like their daughter any more. Just an unrecognizable piece of tortured meat."

"Jesus. Edward..."

"He would have started with her fingernails," I said, staring at the patches of blood on the filthy sheets. "...then her fingers. When he was human he liked to use garden shears...or bolt cutters."

A wave of sickening knowledge washed over me and I glanced at the lopsided chest of drawers next to the bed, reaching out in slow motion to open the top drawer. I must have stared at what was inside for a long time, because after a while, Jasper tried to pull me away.

"Edward? Come on, man. Stop it."

Apparently I was shaking and growling. Quaking with the need for ripping vengeance.

I kept myself together long enough to pick up the severed pinky-finger and seal it in a ziplock bag, then I calmly handed it to Jas before a red haze descended over my eyes and I went berserk.

"MOTHER...FUCKING...BASTAAAAAAARD!"

I screamed and railed, bellowing obscenities as I pounded my fists on everything they could touch - walls, floors, furniture. I ripped and tore at the bloody mattress, and the bed frame, and the fucking bloody ropes, growling and grunting as I destroyed, and destroyed, and destroyed. Trying to dismantle my guilt. Attempting to pulverize the phantom sound of Jessica's screams as he cut off her fingers and smiled. Trying to obliterate the knowledge that after he'd finished with her hands, he would have brought out the knives...

"EDWARD, STOP!"

Jas tried to grapple me but I threw him off, smashing the chest of drawers into flying splinters of cheap pine and tacky brass knobs, not stopping until he slammed me into the wall, pumping me so full of lethargy that my legs couldn't even support me anymore, and I slumped to the floor.

"Just _stop_," Jas panted, jabbing his finger at me.

I could barely move. All I wanted to do was lie down.

_God, so very tired._

"Quit it," I ground out, fighting against his power.

"Settle the fuck down and I will," he said, looking down at me and scowling. "There's no time for you to throw a tantrum right now. We have to figure out what the hell we're going to do so what happened to Jess won't happen to anyone else. Now pull yourself together."

I took a deep breath and nodded, the blanket of lethargy melting away, leaving me feeling defeated and numb.

I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, trying to get my thoughts and emotions under control.

I needed to clear my head. Get into James'. Figure out his end-game. Where was he going? Why did he kill her? What was he going to do with her body?

"I'm going to search the rest of the house," Jas said gently. "Maybe we can find a clue as to where he's heading."

I nodded but didn't look at him.

"You okay?"

_Sure. An innocent girl has just been tortured to death because of me. I'm just fucking peachy._

"Edward?"

"I'm fine."

"I'll call Carlisle and Sam. Let them know."

He left the room and I could hear him talking quietly. He mentioned my name. I didn't care. Let him tell them I'm losing it. It was the truth.

I kicked the carcass of the nightstand and it flew across the room and into the wall, the ruined drawers falling loudly to the floor. Something fluttered down beside them and I walked over to see what it was.

_What the hell?_

I bent down and picked up the stiff paper rectangle and turned it over, surprised to see a photo of James staring back at me. Not vampire James. Human James. It was black and white, and faded around the edges, but it was definitely him. He was smiling, his arms wrapped around a small, swaddled bundle, a tiny cheek and nose visible beneath the blankets.

He looked so proud. So overjoyed with his tiny creation.

I thought it was strange that he would leave behind such a precious reminder of his family. It didn't seem like something he'd do. Unless...

I stepped forward and my boot crunched on something. I lifted my foot to see a large surgical syringe.

Dawning horror crawled up my spine.

_James didn't forget to take this picture with him. He left it here, on purpose. It's a message. _

_Fuck!_

"JASPER!"

I stumbled into the living room and thrust the picture at him.

"She's not dead," I said, already heading out the front door. "He turned her. She's a goddamn newborn."

I didn't even wait to see his reaction before I slammed out of the house and sprinted as fast as I could toward town. Jas called my name, telling me to wait for him, but I couldn't. As sure as I was that James had turned Jessica, I was equally sure that he was going to use her to get to Isabella. By himself, he couldn't risk taking us on, especially not a wolf, but with a newborn?

_Jesus._

I sprinted faster, my throat constricting with panic. I had no idea how much of a head-start he'd had, but I was pretty sure I couldn't run fast enough.

Pulling out my phone, I frantically dialed Isabella. The phone rang, and rang, and rang.

"Come on!" I hissed.

I got her voicemail and hung up and re-dialed as I checked the time. It was ten pm. The diner should be closed by now. Isabella should be on her way to my house, and Jacob should be guarding her. There should be no goddamn reason why she's not answering her phone.

Voicemail again. I grunted in frustration and pushed myself to run faster. I couldn't hear Jas behind me anymore, although I knew he was back there. The landscape whizzed past in a blur of color, the soggy ground squelching beneath my feet.

_Be safe, Isabella. Please. God, please keep her safe. If you do nothing else for me for the rest of my __existence, please just protect her. Don't let that animal get his hands on her._

An excruciating ten minutes later, the edge of town came into view, and I hoped like hell the rain was keeping residents indoors because there was no way I was slowing down to protect my vampire identity. The Volturi themselves could have been lining the streets and I still wouldn't have stopped. Not until I was where she was. Making sure she was okay.

Unfortunately, I had a very bad feeling she wasn't, in which case the Volturi could kill me on the spot. It would be sweet mercy.

The diner came into view, windows dark and lifeless. I reached the front door and barely slowed as I wrenched it off its hinges and strode inside.

"Isabella!"

The place was empty, moonlight reflecting off the shiny red-vinyl stools.

"Isabella!"

I head a low growling and headed to the back door, smashing through it to find Jacob in wolf form, crouched and snarling at a red-eyed Jessica standing several yards away.

They'd obviously been fighting. Jessica had several deep puncture marks on her arms and chest, and Jacob's fur was matted with blood around his neck.

His hind-legs were bunched in preparation, and just as I yelled, "Jacob! NO!" he leapt at her. She grasped him around his middle as he knocked her to the ground, snapping and snarling as he tried to get out of her grip. With a feral shriek, Jessica landed on top of him and squeezed, and I could hear the sickening crack of bones. Jacob screamed in pain and she squeezed him again, breaking a whole other set of bones around his shoulders and arms.

"JESSICA!"

I barreled into her, knocking her away from the broken wolf. She rolled to her feet and looked at me blankly for a moment before recognition lit her face.

"Edward," she said, her eyes sad and beseeching. "I'm so thirsty. It burns. This dog smells terrible. I can't eat him. I need someone to eat. Please."

Jacob melted into human form beside me and groaned feebly, clutching his ruined arms around him and panting for breath.

"Bella..." he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut in agony. "He took her. I tried to stop him..."

"I know," I said, trying to soothe him. As much as I hated him, I knew he wouldn't have let Isabella go without a fight, and for that I respected him. His breathing was getting choppy and wet, probably due to a punctured lung. He needed medical attention urgently, and I hoped Jas had called Carlisle to tell him where we were heading.

I kept my eyes on Jessica, knowing she was still incredibly dangerous. She was sniffing the air, looking for more prey, and I had to find a way to keep her from running off. She could cause untold damage to Forks and its residents if she got away from me, and even though I had no doubt I could match her speed, her newborn-strength would make it difficult for me to detain her.

"Jessica," I said carefully, moving toward her slowly, "where's Isabella? Where's James?"

She looked at me sharply, like she'd forgotten I was there, and then she frowned and swallowed, the pain of her hunger evident on her face. I glanced down. Her left hand was missing a finger.

"He's gone. Left me here...so thirsty. He let me eat a drunk outside the bar on our way into town but he tasted horrible. Bitter. He peed himself while I drank him. I have piss all over my shoes. It's gross. I'm so hungry, Edward. Please...help me. It burns."

_God, Jessica. I'm so sorry he made you into this. Into one of us. _

"Jess," I said, keeping my body language open, trying to get her to trust me, "I understand that it hurts, and I'll get you something to drink, but first you have to tell me where James is."

"I don't know," she said with a pout. "He told me to keep the dog busy while he snatched Bella and then he left without even giving me a taste. It's not fair. She's _my_ friend. I should get to eat her, right?"

"No," I said, firmly, just a few feet away from her. "She's my _mate_ and NO ONE gets to eat her."

Jessica scoffed. "Except you, right?"

"No. Especially not me."

"That's not what James says. He says you'll drain her before the night is through."

"I don't give a shit what James says," I seethed. "It's not going to happen."

I had to get out of here, and try and find Isabella, but I could hardly leave a badly-wounded Jacob and bloodlust-crazed Jessica. I could smell Isabella's scent. The rain was still falling, but now it was light enough for her to have left a trail.

_Come on, Jas. Where the hell are you?_

Suddenly, Jessica snapped her head toward the road as I picked up the sound of a car headed toward the diner.

"Jessica, no."

"Yes," she hissed as she went to pass me.

In a flash I had my arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides. I gripped her as tightly as I could, but with barely any effort, she broke my hold. I countered by grabbing her around the waist and flinging her as far away from the road as possible. She landed at the edge of the woods and quickly sprinted back toward me. I knew I didn't have much chance to hold her back, so I played on the one thing that would make her focus on me instead of the humans in the car.

I planted myself in her path and snarled, "The humans are under my protection, Jessica. Back off."

She stopped suddenly in front of me, frustration and rage creasing her face.

A newborn's obsession with blood was only trumped but their need to protect their kills at any cost. I remember the many times when I'd attacked Carlisle for trying to intervene between me and my intended prey. I remembered the savage fury that consumed me when he tried to convince me there was another way.

To a newborn, the only way was death. The only release from the pain was blood. I needed to use that knowledge to my advantage.

"You're not going to drink them, Jessica," I said, my voice low and authoritative. "You'll have to go through me to get to them. I forbid it."

Confusion crossed her face for a second. I was her elder, and to some degree that made her think twice about what I was saying. To vampires, age meant power and the logical part of her knew she should obey me. Unfortunately, her internal struggle didn't last very long, and as always with newborns, the bloodlust won over logic every time.

"They're MINE!" she shrieked before lunging at me. I zoned in on her thoughts, anticipating her every move, ducking and weaving, trying to stay out of reach of her super-strong hands. She swiped at me clumsily and I shoved her hard in the chest, catapulting her across the parking lot and slamming her into a large dumpster. The metal bent around her body like it was made of paper. She snarled and pulled herself free, running at me again.

"JESSICA, STOP!"

She spun around to look at Jas who was walking quickly toward her. She bared her teeth at him and snarled. He ignored her implied threat and kept striding toward her, only stopping when he was directly in front of her and slapping her sharply across the face.

"Settle down!" he ordered, and I immediately saw her shrink beneath his gaze. I could tell he was using his power on her, calming her and intimidating her at the same time. His experience in dealing with newborns was obvious in his stance, and in his voice. He was like a father who wouldn't be argued with.

"You're not going to drink the humans. Stop being ridiculous," he said firmly.

"But...I'm so thirsty, she whined as she slumped to the ground like a petulant toddler. "Why won't anyone help me? I need blood."

"I'll take you get something to eat shortly," Jas said, gentler this time. "But first we have to wait for Carlisle to get here so he can treat Jacob. Understand?"

She nodded and looked at the ground.

"Good. Now, where's James?"

She looked up at him, fear in her eyes.

"I don't know. He took off as soon as the dog attacked me. They went that way."

She pointed north and Jas looked at me.

"Go. Find Bella. I'll wait for the others to arrive."

I wanted to hug my brother, but instead I picked up the small trace of Isabella's scent and started running, tracking it as quickly as I could. Her scent was pungent, filled with fear. It made me both furious and aroused, the human part of me disgusted that the beast found her fear so delicious.

The streets were dark and barren, and I was grateful that I could unleash my full speed as the knot of fear in my stomach tightened further.

I came to a halt as I realized her scent disappeared inside Forks High School.

_Goddammit._

I had no idea what James had planned, but I knew it wouldn't involve Isabella remaining unharmed. I only hoped I had enough control to save her before the beast made me forget who I was.

I approached the doors slowly, a thick prickle of apprehension running along my spine. When I pushed them open, a gust of insanely tantalizing scent assaulted me and I stumbled forward without thought or control. That's when I saw it.

A few yards inside the doors, was a puddle of blood.

Isabella's blood.

_Oh...God._

I stopped breathing, but it was too late. The scent was in me, slashing at my control, whispering to the beast that the blood was already spilled, what harm would there be in one little taste? I closed my eyes, but I could still see the dark pool on the floor in front of me, screaming at me, begging me, singular and unique, made for me alone.

_No. Find her. Save her. She's more to you than just blood. Walk past it._

I couldn't. My legs wouldn't move. My feet wouldn't step.

_Don't do it. You'll never look at her the same way again. Never be able to be around her...knowing..._

I groaned as every part of my vampire nature bellowed at me to taste it. To take it inside me where it belonged.

_Stop fighting. Just do it. It's right there, fresh__, red, and MADE FOR YOU._

_NO!_

_Find her! She's bleeding!_

The beast hissed in agreement._ Yes. Find her. She's bleeding._

Just like a newborn, the rush of bloodlust that overtook me obliterated all other concerns, and before I knew what I was doing I'd dropped to my knees, bending over the pool of blood so I could run my tongue through its syrupy texture, groaning as I took it in my mouth and swallowed it down.

_Oh...Jesus...no._

I squeezed my eyes shut as the absolute euphoria of her blood exploded in my body, my muscles bunching and my venom streaming as the beast roared so loudly it completely drowned out everything else: logic...reason...love.

_No. No. No._

I scrambled to my feet and sprinted, following the small red droplets that led down the hallway, trying to convince myself my urgency was because I was desperate to save the woman I loved, but I couldn't ignore the single word that kept pounding and looping in my brain, hypnotizing me to follow its compulsion:

_More_.

More.

MORE.

...

...

...

* * *

**Author Notes**

**Yeah...so...um...that happened. He's a vampire. 'Thass awl ahm sayin'.**

**Huge thanks to my Sprinkle-Queen, Vicanlp.**

**Amazingly enough Windowward has been nominated for several Golden Lemon Awards. If you're not too pis****sed off with him to vote, here's the linky:**

**http:/www . kwiksurveys . com/online-survey . php?surveyID=IKMMJO_4b7ff6a2**

**(Diva Diaries is also nommed, I believe.)**

**I think WW's also nommed at the Twinkling's Walk of Fame Awards along with my other fics.**

**http:/twinklingswfa . blogspot . com/p/voting . html**

**(Note: Don't forget to remove the extra spaces.)**

**Thank you SO much to those who nominated me/him. We're both very touched.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	21. Prey

**Update: 22nd February, 2011**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly, and she is marvelous beyond words.**

**Vicanlp is my Mistress of Insane Sprinkles and I thank her dearly.**

**Disclaimer: You know what I'm going to say. Don't own Twilight. Yadda, yadda, yadda.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

_****Warning: This chapter contains dark themes related to sex and violence****_

* * *

**Chapter 21 - Prey**

**BPOV**

Being confronted with imminent death was a strangely freeing experience. Suddenly, all the mundane concerns of everyday life were meaningless. Petty. Pointless. The only thing that remained relevant was surviving the next minute. And then the next. And the next. Every breath, a gift. Every second, an eternity.

James leaned over my wrist and pressed a piece of gauze over the cut that was oozing a steady stream of blood., then wrapped his fingers around it and squeezed gently, trying to stem the flow before looking up at me with concern.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" he asked softly. "Wouldn't want to leave a bruise. Edward would kill me."

He laughed at his own joke, because obviously it was okay to slice my arm open with a knife, but bruising it was against the rules.

"Edward's going to kill you anyway," I said bitterly with absolute conviction.

Regardless of what happened to me, Edward was going to tear him apart. I just hoped I was around to see it.

He looked at his watch and I registered that it had only been half an hour since I was locking the backdoor of the diner when I heard Jess calling to me from the parking lot. At first I'd thought I was hearing things, but when she called me again, Jake heard it too. She sounded like she was in pain, and on instinct I'd pushed the doors open before considering the consequences, anxious to see her with my own eyes, to reassure myself that she was still alive.

That was when Jacob exploded into wolf-form, snarling and growling as he shoved me back into the diner. At first I had no idea what he was doing, but when he attacked Jess and she swatted him halfway across the lot with barely any effort, I understood.

It was at that moment, while trying to comprehend my childhood friend becoming a vampire, that I felt cold arms encircle me as James whispered, "Isabella. How nice to finally meet you. Let's you and I have some fun together, hmmm?"

Jacob had tried to get to me, but Jessica dragged him back. Then there was wind and rain, and the wet slapping of undergrowth against my body as James ran, clutching me in an iron grip.

And now here I was, sitting in a chair in the middle of my old high school gymnasium, soaked to my skin and freezing, watching a supernatural serial-killer tend to my wounds as I prayed to any deity that would listen that Edward and his family would find me before it was too late.

"You're shivering," James said, frowning at me. "Are you cold? Or afraid?"

My teeth chattered and I declined to answer.

"Well, I'm sure it's a little of both," he said sympathetically. "Can't say I blame you. This gymnasium is extremely cold. Plus, you're going to die tonight, probably at the hands of the man you love, so...I understand that your anxiety isn't helping the situation."

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw, pushing down the rising panic.

"Oh, come on now," James said, gently stroking my hair. "Surely you've fantasized about Edward biting you? Sucking your blood? Don't all humans have a bit of a vampire fetish? All the ones I've eaten certainly have. Of course, I'm pretty sure that they thought that being bitten by a vampire would be far more erotic and involve much less tearing of skin and flesh, but what can I say? I'm a messy eater."

He smiled and a deep, foreboding chill shivered through to my bones.

_Edward, please. Find me. Save me. Get me away from him. Please._

Even though James gave the outward appearance of being calm and polite, I could sense his insanity crackling in the air like electricity before a storm.

"Oh dear," he said as he looked down at my injured and bloody arm, pressing his fingers gently into the gauze. "You're a bit of a mess, I'm afraid. It really won't do to have Edward see you like this. He'll think I've been a terrible host."

I watched in horror as he bent his head to my arm and started cleaning off the smeared blood with his tongue, swirling it carefully around my fingers before sucking them into his mouth and closing his eyes. I felt the faint pressure of his teeth on my knuckles and gasped.

Edward had told me about James' proclivities as a serial killer. I knew he had a thing for removing fingers. He increased the pressure a little and I tried to pull away, but he tightened his grip on my arm, the gauze bunching beneath his iron fingers.

He looked up at me as he slowly drew my fingers from his mouth and smiled, and when he let go of my hand, I snatched it back against my body, wiping his venom on my wet shirt.

"Such delicate hands," he murmured before licking his lips. "And such vibrant, delicious blood. I understand what Edward sees in you. I wonder if he'll be open to sharing."

"Fuck you," I hissed, pressing myself as far back into the chair as I could.

He chuckled and leaned forward.

"I don't need his permission to do _that_," he said amiably. "I could fuck you right now if I wanted to. Several times. Can you imagine how he'd react if he found you naked? Panting? Covered in my venom? My scent?"

"It'd just make him kill you faster," I said, sounding braver than I felt.

He pushed my legs apart and pulled the chair sharply, pressing his pelvis against me and grinding suggestively, making me fight the urge to vomit.

"I've seen you in action, Isabella," he said, grabbing my hips hard and making me shriek as his fingers burrowed into my flesh, definitely leaving bruises. "I think you'd actually enjoy fucking me. Edward treats you like a precious doll, terrified of just slamming into you the way you want him to, but I'd fuck you hard. And fast. I'd fuck you 'til your bones cracked and you screamed in pain and pleasure."

He grabbed my uninjured hand and pressed it against his crotch, rubbing it up and down against his growing erection.

"Do you feel that?" he groaned, using my hand to stroke himself. "If we had more time I'd show you the true joys of fucking a vampire, and believe me when I say, by the time I was finished you wouldn't even remember Edward's name."

I tried to banish the disgust from my face as he kept moving my hand, rubbing and groaning, getting harder with every stroke.

"Your dick would have to get significantly larger to make me forget about Edward," I said through gritted teeth.

He grabbed my hair and wrenched my head back, and I wondered when all my common sense actually decided to abandon me.

_Good one, Bella. Insult the super-strong nut-job vampire who's currently holding you hostage. Brilliant idea._

"You should be nicer to someone who could flay your skin from your body in under thirty seconds," he said, smiling in the most creepy way imaginable. "Although I have to admit, part of me likes that you're feisty. Reminds me of my wife."

"She'd be so proud if she could see you know, wouldn't she?" I groaned as he tightened his hand in my hair. "Although, quite honestly, she was probably never proud of you, what with you being insane and all."

_Jesus, Bella. Stop antagonizing him!_

As payment for my stupidity, I suddenly found myself flying through the air and had no time to get my bearings before I landed heavily on my left shoulder, screaming as I felt a sickening pop. Instantly, James was kneeling beside me, pulling me up by my shirt and snarling at me.

"You don't get to talk about my wife! She was an angel! She knew I was all wrong and she loved me anyway! She tried to be enough for me, and for a while she was, but my urges wouldn't be denied! She had no idea what I did or where I went, and I didn't tell her! She knew I was broken and that there was nothing she could do to fix me!"

I groaned as my shoulder burned with sickening pain, vaguely registering what he was saying. It didn't seem to matter. Something inside him had snapped and he threw me back onto the floor as he paced frantically, tugging at his hair and muttering to himself.

"When Victoria found me it was too late. I was already monster. I needed the blood. The pain. I needed it to feel normal and stop the burning. Those girls I killed were bad girls. All of them. Groping and fucking anyone they came across. They needed to be punished. Just like _she_ needed to be punished. The mother-monster. But she never was. She was always the one doing the punishing. Punishing me. Cutting me. Burning me. Touching me in a way no mother should touch a son."

I didn't interrupt his tirade. I just let him rant, hoping he'd get it off his chest and not take it out on me.

"It was all _her_ fault I fell those urges...the need to inflict pain...and I wanted to make _her_ pay. I wanted to slice her up and hear her beg the way _I_ always begged. I wanted _her_ to scream and cry. I wanted it to be _her_ so badly, but it wasn't. She was gone. Threw me away like garbage. So then I had no choice but to punish _them_. They were all so much like her with their filthy mouths and disgusting hands."

I grunted in pain as I sat up, clutching my shoulder and squeezing my eyes shut against the agony.

Suddenly strong arms gripped me and I opened my eyes to see James staring at me, his face full of deep-seated anguish.

"But Victoria loved me. She never hurt me, and always touched me like I was something precious. I wanted her to heal me, but she couldn't. And then she gave me Max, and he was perfect and beautiful, and I swore I'd never hurt him the way my mother hurt me. But I did. I killed him. Ate him. Drank him down while he cried 'Daddy' over and over again, touching my face, so scared. And I killed my angel too. Tore out her throat and groaned in pleasure as her blood coated my face."

His face contorted and I thought that if her were able to cry, he would have.

"They were the only good things in my life and I destroyed them. I betrayed them. The two people I swore I would NEVER hurt and I FUCKING KILLED THEM! All because of your _boyfriend!_"

He spat the last word out so viciously a spray of venom fanned across my face.

"Edward didn't mean for any of that to happen," I said, breathing shallowly as the pain made me dizzy.

"And he's not going to _mean_ to kill you," James said bitterly, regaining some control, "but he's going to. Sucks to be him."

"He won't hurt me," I said, close to tears but trying to have the confidence to back up what I was saying. "He loves me."

"_And I loved my wife and son_," he hissed, his lips pulling back from his teeth. "The monster inside us doesn't give a shit about love, Isabella. All it cares about is blood, and tonight I'm going to make damn sure Edward's monster comes out to play."

He picked me up roughly, and I screamed in pain as he dragged me across the room and threw me back into the chair.

"He's going to end you, you know," I whimpered, unable to stop the tears as the throbbing pain in my shoulder made my stomach lurch.

"Oh, I know," he said softly, looking down at me. "In fact, I'm counting on it."

I looked up at him sharply, suddenly confused.

"I'm not stupid, Isabella," he said, smiling like he didn't have a care in the world. "I know that right now I have a coven of incredibly powerful vampires and a pack of shapeshifters bearing down on me. If my calculations are correct, then I'll have just enough time to finish my plan before I face my inevitable destruction, but when that moment comes, believe me, I'm going to welcome it with open arms."

He crouched in front of me and smoothed my hair away from my face, his features relaxed, his insanity once again fading into the background.

"You see, I've lived with the guilt of killing my family for fifty-four years, Isabella. Fifty-four long years of reliving the horror and pain of their final moments at my hands. I can't cope with it anymore. I don't want to. I'm not a religious man, but I have no doubt that if hell exists, that's where I belong, for so many reasons. But I'd still rather face the possibility of endless torment in the afterlife than one more day of unbearable immortality. Edward killing me is the final stage of my plan. My reward, if you will."

He gave me a small smile, but it was completely devoid of happiness. "I wonder how many years of reliving your death it will take before Edward seeks out his _own_ destruction."

Suddenly, he snapped around to look at the double doors across the room. A low chuckle rumbled in his chest as he yanked me to my feet, pulling me in front of him and wrapping one arm around my waist as I felt the cold blade of his knife press against my throat.

"It seems lover-boy has taken the bait," he whispered excitedly into my ear. "Time to call his monster out to play."

We both stared at the doors, long seconds ticking by, the only sound in the vast space my own tortured breathing. I tensed up when I heard heavy footfalls quickly approaching.

_He's here. Oh, thank God. _

I screamed in surprise as the huge doors exploded off their hinges, tumbling and scraping across the floor in a screech of broken wood and shattered glass. My heart leapt into my throat as I saw Edward in the doorway, backlit by the alien glow of the exit sign behind him, his arms tense, his fists clenched at his sides. The growl that ripped out of him was the most inhuman noise I'd ever heard.

James tightened his arm around me and I gasped as a jolt of pain shot through my shoulder.

"Hi, Edward," he said amiably. "So glad you could make it. For a moment I was concerned that Jessica had provided too effective a diversion. But here you are, and judging by the blood dripping down your chin, it looks like you've had your appetizer and are ready to move right on to the main course. Lucky for you I've kept Isabella safe and sound." He squeezed me again and I cried out. "Mostly."

"Get the _fuck_ away from her," Edward snarled, his voice quavering and quiet.

I gasped as James sliced his knife across the base of my neck, releasing a quick trickle of blood that soaked into my already wet t-shirt.

"Make me."

Edward roared in fury, the tendons in his neck bulging and taut, his face contorted into a mask of undiluted rage. His appearance made me shudder, because as much as I wanted to believe that his love would prevent him from hurting me, I'd never seen him like this before.

Every vestige of civility was gone. His movements were sharp and inhuman. Everything about him screamed danger...violence..._predator_, and for the first time, I saw him as more animal than man. Even in the dim light I could see that his lips were pulled back from his teeth, his hands curled into claws, the low rumbling in his chest sending a snarling warning.

"Now, now, Edward," James said, his mouth beside my ear. "No need to get all possessive. Isabella has enough blood for both of us. For the moment, anyway. Best get over here and latch on before it all goes to waste though. I cut her a little deeper than intended, I'm afraid. It would be a shame to have to suck it out of her t-shirt instead of her delectable neck."

Edward groaned, and I could see him trembling, his shoulders hunched as he gripped his abdomen.

"I won't drink her," he ground out, his voice barely audible, and I didn't know if he was talking to James or to himself.

"Of course you will," James countered, chuckling. "You have no choice in the matter. Why pretend otherwise?"

"No!" he said vehemently, even as he took several shaky steps forward.

"Edward..." I said, unable to stop my voice from cracking in fear. "Please...don't."

I could see his stance changing, lowering, just like I'd seen it once before. When he took me hunting.

_Please God, let him be hunting James and not me. Please, please, please._

"Let her go," Edward ordered, his voice rough and dark. "She's mine."

"Yes, she is," James agreed. "Absolutely yours. Your singer. The possessor of the blood that was created _solely for you_." I shuddered as James swept his tongue across my neck, lapping at my blood. "Still, if you don't want it, I'll be happy to make sure it doesn't go to waste."

I watched in horror as Edward's face transformed into something I barely recognized. His eyes went pitch black, not one speck of gold detectable as he threw his head back and screamed, a completely inhuman roar of a rabid, feral animal, crazed and out of control.

I felt a rush of wind and suddenly I was thrown to the floor.

I whipped around to see a blur of movement, and then frenzied snarls filled the air as Edward and James tore at each other, smashing each other into the floor and walls, their fists making loud, flinty sounds as they connected with each other's bodies.

A huge growl echoed around me as Edward hurled James into the bank of collapsible bleachers on the far wall, tearing up the padded seats and bending the metal frame. James chuckled darkly as Edward advanced on him, staggering forward to stand in front him, not moving to block Edward's fist as it collided sharply with his head.

"Is that the best you've got?" he muttered as faint cracks appeared on his face. "I mean, I've tasted your girlfriend's precious blood, dislocated her shoulder, and thought seriously about biting off her fingers. Surely that's worthy of a bit more of an effort on your part. Put some muscle into it, man, for God's sake."

Edward snarled as he punched him harder, his fists blurring as they came down again and again. Then he threw James to the other end of the gymnasium, appearing instantly in front of him as he smashed him into the cinderblock wall, cement exploding around them both as he drew him back like a ragdoll and slammed him forward again.

"That's it, Edward!" James exclaimed proudly as a large fissure cleaved his forehead. "Take me down! Otherwise, I can assure you I'm going to fuck Isabella to death before eating her sweet flesh."

Edward screamed in fury and threw James up against the wall, and I cringed as he wrapped both arms around his head and wrenched it from his body with a sickening tearing sound.

He panted loudly as he watched the decapitated corpse fall heavily to the ground, the heavy thump echoing off the walls around me for long seconds until all that was left was our breathing, fast and ragged in the near-silence.

Edward collapsed to his knees and flung the head away from him, gripping his hair and rocking back and forth as a sound of pure anguish shrieked out of his throat.

Instinctively I moved forward, wanting to comfort him, but he put out a hand, ordering me to stop.

"No," he said, his voice sounding tortured. "I can't hold on. I can't. The blood...it's too much. I tried, Isabella...I tried so hard. But it's _right there_...singing for me so loudly I can't think of anything else..."

I froze, my blood running cold in my veins. I heard a wet sound and looked down to see blood dripping on the floor from my sodden shirt. Reaching up to touch my neck, I swallowed hard as I felt a steady flow of blood pulsing out of the knife-wound. I pressed against it, but I could feel it oozing through my fingers, warm and slick.

"It's too painful to resist," Edward groaned and clutched his stomach again. "I need it. I can't not have it."

The prickle of fear I usually felt when he was fighting for control flared like a forest-fire all over my body, and I barely heard him when he whispered, "Run."

I backed away from him, not sure I'd heard correctly, but still my heart-pounded heavily, pushing more of my blood through my fingers clutching my neck.

Edward looked at me, profound torment etched on his face.

"I SAID 'RUN', GODDAMMIT!" he screamed as he buried his fists in the floor. "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! NOW!"

I turned to run, but my sneakers were wet with water and blood, and I screamed in agony as I slipped and fell heavily on my dislocated shoulder. Clutching my arm, I scrambled to my feet, but the pain lanced through me, making me dizzy. I collapsed onto my knees and took a deep breath, trying desperately not to pass out.

Edward's shoulders began to shake and for a moment I thought he was crying. A strangled noise came from him and once again the flash-fire of warning crawling across my skin shrieked at me to get away. To put as much distance between us as possible.

I pushed up onto trembling legs, and stumbled backwards, keeping my eyes trained on him as the world tilted around me. His shoulders kept shaking and as I heard a familiar noise bubble out of him, I realized that he was laughing.

"And now you're too late," he said, sighing, his voice now smooth and clear. "Not that there was much likelihood of you outrunning me anyway, but I really did want you to at least have a chance."

He pulled his fists out of the floorboards and flexed them.

"You have no idea how draining it's been to keep you alive for all these long months. To be close to you and not take what was rightfully mine. To be _inside you_ and _not...just._.._bite_. I'm so tired of it, Bella."

I froze as a sickening wave of realization washed over me.

He never called me Bella. NEVER.

This was no longer my Edward. This was the thing that lived inside him. The thing he tried for so long to protect me from, that lurked beneath his carefully cultivated humanity. The vampire: cold...unfeeling...bloodthirsty.

He laughed again as he looked up at me, and tears sprang to my eyes as I saw that all traces of the man I loved were gone. His lips were curled in an arrogant sneer and his eyes were completely emotionless. Black and dead.

I stumbled back toward the door as he stared at me and stood up, his black eyes hooded and malevolent, watching my every movement with hawk-like intensity.

"So many times I tried to warn you," he said, moving slowly forward, a panther stalking his prey. "I tried to tell you that this is what I am, but I don't think you ever truly believed me, did you?"

He crouched in front of a small dark puddle on the floor, and as he lapped at my blood, he closed his eyes, a groaning growl filling the air. Then he gazed up at me and his eyes narrowed in a purely predatory way as he licked the blood from his lips.

"Do you believe me now, Bella?"

Before I could blink he slammed against me, pushing me back until we hit the wall, all of the air rushing out of my lungs as he pressed his weight against me.

"Did you think I could change for you?" he yelled into my face, his contorted with rage and pain. "Magically become a man just because I acted like one? Because I loved you? I'm not a fucking man! I haven't been one for nearly a century! I'm a vampire and I need blood to survive! I need YOUR blood! I don't want to be a monster, but I can't be anything else! I can't! I've tried! I've been stronger for you than I ever thought possible, but it's not enough! It'll never be enough!"

I reached up and touched his face, and for a moment my Edward appeared in his eyes, shocked by the contact, calmed by it. But then the pain and bloodlust overtook him, and he squeezed his eyes shut as I stroked his cheek, trembling as I desperately tried to get him to come back to me.

"Edward...please," I said softly, unable to hold in my tears. "I love you. You don't have to change for me. Let me change for you. Now. Change me and we'll be together. Please..."

"It too late for that," he said, looking at me with such intense regret I started crying for both of us. "I don't have the control. Carlisle was going to do it. And he's not here. No one's here to save you from me."

I could see him fighting for control. Trying to push down the beast, but every time he did his nostrils flared with the scent of my blood, and suddenly he was helpless again. A slave to his biological compulsion.

His eyes flickered down to the cut on my neck and his face filled with absolute torment as he whispered, "I loved you so much. More than any man has ever loved a woman. More than any monster deserved to."

And then a dry sob escaped him as he dropped his head to my shoulder, his mouth hovering over my neck. I tensed as he lapped tentatively at my blood, pressing against the cut, running the length of it. His venom burned as it seeped into the wound and I groaned in protest.

"Please, Edward," I begged softly. "Please...don't."

He grunted and I heard a cracking noise as he curled his fingers into the wall behind me, bits of cinderblock tumbling over my shoulders and thudding onto the floor.

"I'm sorry," he groaned pushing his head deeper into my throat, "but I never dreamed there was anything that tasted like this. God...Isabella...I can...feel you inside me...pulsing in my veins..."

He swallowed and sighed, and I could barely hear him when he whispered, "How could anyone expect me to resist? It's mine. All of it. Made for me. Created to be inside me. I'm sorry."

Suddenly, he closed his lips over my wound, his tongue swirling frantically, and I wrapped my fingers in his hair and yanked, trying to pull him away. He ignored me, even when I pulled with all of my strength.

"Edward...no," I pleaded as my tears fell freely. "Stop."

But he didn't stop. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed, stilling me, and I cried out as his teeth cut into my flesh, piercing me deeply as he began sucking in earnest, long hard pulls drawing my blood out of my neck and into his mouth.

"Edward," I wheezed as he tightened his arms around me, forcing the air out of my lungs. "You can stop. You have the strength. Please...I love you. Stop."

My neck burned under his mouth, but the sensation of him draining me wasn't painful. It was surreal. Slightly hypnotizing. I wondered if all victims felt like this, or if I was the exception because I was in love with the vampire currently glutting himself on my blood.

"Edward!" I said more forcefully. "Stop! Please!"

I pushed against his chest as panic bubbled inside me, fueling my survival instinct and screaming at me to fight him and not accept this easy death. Urging me to kick and scream and rage against it.

I struggled and slapped at him, punched him hard about his face, trying to squirm out of his arms, desperate to wrench my neck away from him, even for a few seconds. It only led to him sinking his teeth deeper, and I sobbed as I realized that no matter what I did, no matter what I said, he wasn't going to stop.

He wasn't capable of it.

He was gone. Lost to the bloodlust he'd fought so long to deny.

The thin veneer of humanity that he'd struggled for so many years to perfect had slipped completely, stripping him of the ability to deny our natural roles - predator and prey. Vampire and singer. Killer and victim.

As the room echoed with quiet sucking sounds and my mind struggled to comprehend my impending death, time stretched, and each second seemed to last minutes. I groaned feebly as I recalled a story I'd heard when I was a kid, about a woman in Africa who'd adopted orphaned lions. One lion, who she'd named Zohan, was brought to her when he was only a few months old. His entire pride had been wiped out by poachers and he was found starving and badly dehydrated. The woman nursed him back to health, fed him, played with him, and loved him. She even let him sleep in her house, but as he grew up and became more aggressive, she made him sleep outside with the rest of the animals.

Still, she felt they shared a special bond, more than any other lion she had rescued.

Zohan was always placid around her, affectionate even, nuzzling her and occasionally rearing on his hind legs to hug her, and because of this she grew complacent in his company, treating him more like a pet than a dangerous beast.

But one day she was careless and didn't close his enclosure properly. He pushed open the gate with his head, and as she was walking back to her house he attacked her, sinking his teeth into her neck and practically tearing off her head before the other caretakers intervened and shot him.

People were outraged that the lion had killed her, considering that she had loved and cared for him so faithfully, but I never blamed the lion. He was a wild animal. King of the predators. Treating a human with affection was an unnatural act for him. Ripping her head off was merely him giving in to his natural instincts.

He was a killer, and he killed. Simple.

And now Edward was doing to same thing. He was merely reverting to his true form. Surrendering to his natural instincts.

I didn't blame him any more than I could blame Zohan. I was just heartbroken that killing me would shatter him. He wasn't going to recover from this. His conscience wouldn't allow it.

James had conceived the perfect revenge, and his words floated back to me: _"I wonder how many years of reliving your death it will take before Edward seeks out his own destruction."_

My vision started to blur and I closed my eyes, and still he drank, his lips clamped around my neck, deep anguished groans coming from him every time he swallowed, and moans of pure pleasure echoing in his chest every time his mouth filled with blood.

"I love you," I whispered as dark shadows clouded my vision. "Please don't hate yourself for this. I don't."

My head lolled back as all my strength left me and my hands fell to my sides, limp and useless. Edward emitted a low strangled noise filled with indescribable misery and torment, but he didn't stop. Instead he crushed me to him, clutching me desperately, as if he could keep me alive through pure physical force.

He couldn't.

Exhaling one final time, I think I heard my ribs crack before the creeping shadows filled up my senses and I finally succumbed to the darkness.

...

...

...

* * *

**So...yah...I'mma be over here in my ****bullet-proof cliffie-bunker, drinking heavily and watching romantic comedies. The thing about rom-coms? HEA. I love HEA. Gotta have a HEA. Just saying. (Don't panic.)**

**On a brighter and less murderous note, WindowWard won a Golden Lemon Award! He'd be proud as punch if he wasn't currently ensconced in his version of living hell. On his behalf, I grope all of you who voted. Thank you so very much.**

**If you have a moment, please let me know your thoughts regarding the chapter, (even if you want to beat me).**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	22. Coming Back

**Update: 12th March, 2011**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly and I'd be nothing without her.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight, but I just bought a guitar.**

**Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 22 - Coming Back**

A supernova of pain exploded in my chest, and I gasped as my back arched, all-consuming agony shooting through every nerve-ending, every capillary, every cell and synapse.

My throat ached and burned and I realized I was screaming, trying to shriek out the sharp, twisting torment that was spreading through my body, down my limbs, into my fingers and toes and bones and sinews.

My mind swirled with grey and flashes of light as I heard a cacophony of sound around me, starting out indistinct, but then crystallizing into deafening clarity - yelling, growling, fighting.

I heard angry voices, primal growls, snapping and snarling, vicious and feral, but through it all I could only focus on one thing.

Him.

"Jesus, Carlisle, she needs more! Her heart's barely beating! Hurry up!"

Another piercing scream tore out of me as my heart combusted again, pumping pure agony through every vessel and capillary, twisting through me like blades, slicing me raw, flaying me with wave after wave of impossible pain.

"That's going to have to do," I heard Carlisle say. "You need to get her out of here."

"Give her something for the pain," Edward ordered, his voice hard.

I barely felt the pinprick in my arm before a different kind of sensation slithered through my arteries, warm, soothing, and petal-soft.

I tried to open my eyes, but they were thick and heavy. I managed to lift them a little, and Edward was there, so close, frowning, his eyes...

I tried to say his name, but it wouldn't form in my mouth. I croaked something unintelligible and my lids shut themselves as everything went blurry.

"Take her and run," I heard Carlisle say. "We'll meet you as soon as we can."

I felt Edward's arms slide around me before the blackness folded in again, but even as I was dragged down into unconsciousness, I couldn't get the image of his eyes out of my mind.

...

...

...

I was cold. Shivering.

I could hear fast footfalls and feel the bitter winter-breeze whipping through my hair as Edward ran.

My teeth chattered as I jostled from side to side, and a sharp ache in my ribs made me groan.

"I'm sorry. God, Isabella, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I felt his lips on my forehead, his cool breath, familiar and comforting, as he chanted his apology over and over again, clutching me tighter, drawing me into his neck and chest.

"Sshh," I slurred, wanting to say much more, but incapable.

A tortured groan vibrated in his chest as I turned my head into his neck and gripped his shirt, trying to convince myself that it was okay. That I was okay.

That he hadn't just tried to kill me.

...

...

...

He seemed to run for hours as I drifted in and out of consciousness, and every time I woke he was talking, babbling, spewing words of apology, regret, and self-hatred so fast I could barely understand him.

My guts churned with so much guilt and disgrace that it made me feel sick, and I knew it was coming from him; his conscience, tearing and tumbling over everything that had happened today. All the ways he believed he'd failed me.

I tried to talk, to tell him to stop, but I only managed a moan, and that just made him run faster, gently adjusting my position as he sped on. I rested my head over his heart. With my ear pressed hard against him, I could hear a faint rushing sound. Inside.

My blood.

Hearing that small, special sound made a bizarre kernel of pride swell inside me, like part of me _wanted_ him to have my blood. Was happy for it to be now singing inside him. Like him taking it had fulfilled some strange sense of destiny.

I listened to the soft hush of so much of myself within him and smiled as I faded into nothing again.

...

...

...

The next time I awoke I was warm and dry, lying in a bed, sweet-smelling sheets and blankets lying across me.

I blinked drowsily as I looked around, and it took my sluggish brain long minutes to process what it was seeing.

I was in an unfamiliar room, propped up on pillows in a huge bed. I became aware of my body, aching and tired, my chest so tight it hurt to breathe.

The room was shadowy, a single lamp on the nightstand casting a low glow.

My eyes slowly closed, and I took some painful, shallow breaths.

God, I was tired. So very, very tired.

Vague sounds invaded my consciousness. Voices.

Far away, but still distinct.

"Jesus CHRIST! OW!"

"Jessica, stay still."

"Asshole wolves. They couldn't rip off my left hand, could they? No, it had to be the right. I hate them so much."

"They were just doing their job. You and Edward broke the treaty. It was their duty to come after us."

"ARRGH! Fricking FRICK!"

"Jessica! If you keep flinching, it's never going to reattach correctly! Stop!"

"It hurts!"

"I know, but you have to stay still."

"What is that stuff anyway?"

"It's a compound Carlisle made to neutralize the wolves' toxin."

"I hate the wolves! I'm thirsty. When do we eat?"

"When we're finished here, Jas will take you hunting."

"Oh, ew. He told me I have to eat animals."

"That right."

"But they smell GROSS. Can't I just have a homeless person or something? No one would miss them."

"Jessica, we respect human life."

"Yeah, you might, but I don't. So you guys can have all the Bambis you like. I want to get me a prime-rib human-steak."

"Jessica, that's enough! You will not be killing humans! Y'hear me?"

There was a pause.

"Yes, Jasper."

"Good. Now hush your mouth. You're giving me a headache."

"Jasper, you're done. Treat that laceration on Emmett's back."

"Okay."

"Ow, shit, bro! That stuff _does_ hurt."

"Pussy."

"Sadist."

"So, I guess Forks is dead to us now, huh?"

"Pretty much."

"I have no idea what will happen when Bella goes back."

"IF she goes back."

"Dude, her father's there."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what?"

"Emmett, she was dead for seven minutes. We don't even know if she's going to wake up."

Silence.

My mind struggled to comprehend what they were saying.

_I was dead?_

_Dead?_

_For seven minutes?_

_Edward...killed me?_

_Oh...God._

"Carlisle, what do you think? What are her chances?"

"I really don't know. I'm going to give her another injection now. I hope that any damage done by the anoxia will be-"

"English please, Doc."

"Uh..sorry. Oxygen deprivation. I'm hoping it will be reversed by the injection, but...I have no idea if it's going to make a difference, although I pray to God it does. If she doesn't recover...well...I fear for what Edward will do."

"Carlisle, no..."

"Esme, we have to be realistic. How would you react if you murdered me?"

Another silence, then a sigh.

"What if we turned her?"

"Edward won't allow it. Plus, in the state she's in, I have no idea how that will translate into being an immortal. It could be disastrous."

"Well, there has to be something we can do."

"All we can do right now is hope and pray. Alice and Edward will be back shortly with more blood and I'll start a transfusion. After that...we just wait."

I heard footsteps, and then a cool hand clasping mine. I struggled to look up, and when I achieved several long blinks, I saw Carlisle above me.

"Bella?" he whispered in surprise. "Dear God, she's awake."

Suddenly there were more footsteps and I looked around to see Rose, Esme, and Emmett all leaning over me, concern furrowing their features. Jess stood further away, clutching her right hand to her chest, her eyes blood-red and hungry, Jasper gripping her shoulder.

Carlisle took out a penlight and shined it in my eyes.

"Bella, how do you feel?"

I tried to speak, but couldn't. My mouth wouldn't work.

"Bella?"

Again I moved my mouth, but the words wouldn't come.

I made a noise, sad and plaintive. Carlisle swallowed and looked at me with such affection and regret that my heart cracked, and then I felt tears sliding down my cheeks.

"It's all right," Carlisle said, smoothing my hair off my face as Esme appeared on the other side of me, taking my hand. "I just want to ask a few questions. Blink once for yes, twice for no, okay?"

I blinked once.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Blink.

"But you can't talk?"

Blink, blink.

"Are you in pain?"

A slow blink. Sort of.

"Can you feel your legs?"

I frowned.

Carlisle joined me.

He lifted the sheets and took my foot in his hands.

"Can you feel this?"

My breath caught.

Blink, blink.

The faces around me tried to stay passive, but I saw the panic in their eyes.

"I'm going to try and make you better, okay?" Carlisle said softly. "But this is going to hurt."

He lifted a large syringe over me, and without warning, it was buried in my chest.

Suddenly I was screaming, filled with more pain than I could possibly contain. It felt like my arteries were going to explode, splattering all of me around the room like a shrapnel grenade.

Another pain pricked my arm and then I was floating away, leaving the agony far behind me, transported into a different body, another world, a place where I hadn't died and the man I loved hadn't kill me.

...

...

...

Darkness. Voices.

His voice.

Hard.

Tense.

Just outside the door.

"How long until we know?"

"Edward, I have no idea. I haven't exactly done this before. But her pulse is getting stronger. The blood transfusion is almost done, and I've lowered the dosage on the morphine drip. She should regain consciousness shortly."

"And the brain damage?"

"I don't know. We'll see."

I heard Edward curse, followed by a smashing noise.

"That's not helping."

"Well what do you expect me to do?"

"Calm down."

"I can't! Don't you get it? I've ingested human blood! _Her_ blood! Staying calm is pretty much off the fucking table right now!"

"Edward-"

"You don't know what it's like, Carlisle! You've never had to deal with this part of yourself! You have no idea how impossible it is to shove the beast back in his cage once he's been let loose! Now that I've had her, I need to have her again! And again! And again! I'll never stop!"

"You have to."

"I CAN'T! Even now, when she's lying in the next room, full of unfamiliar blood and smelling all wrong, I want her! Immediately! I don't even care about her broken ribs and bruised spine! I WANT HER!"

I heard a loud crack followed by silence.

"I'm sorry, son."

Pause.

"Don't be." Calmer, but still tense. "If I were you, I'd be kicking my ass too."

"Edward, she's your singer. There was no way you could have resisted her blood in that situation. James knew what he was doing."

"You think it was his fault? It wasn't. In the back of my mind, I knew that every day i spent with her was a gamble, and still I persisted, too blinded by love and my need for her to see how inevitable this was. From the day I first picked up her scent, it was only a matter of time."

"I don't believe that."

Edward laughed, bitter and joyless. "Carlisle, you have no idea how...relieved...I was when the monster took over. How _freeing_ that lack of control was. She's everything to me, and I swore to protect her with my life, but in that moment...she was reduced to nothing. Just an urge to be fulfilled. A delicious compulsion. How on earth can she ever trust me again? Even _look_ at me again?"

"Edward-"

"Don't fucking do that, Carlisle! Don't try to placate me or justify my actions! You can't! I not only killed the woman I love, but I also _forced_ you to bring her back from the dead!"

"You didn't force me-"

"And now I find out that I've possibly condemned her to be permanently brain-damaged? What on earth did she ever do, apart from love me, to deserve this hell?"

"You were trying to save her-"

"No I wasn't! That's the ultimate irony! I was trying to save myself! Save myself from the guilt of what I'd done! From the incomprehensible reality of living without her! The kindest thing I could have done is let her go so she'd be free of me, but I was too selfish to even do that! And even now when I'm consumed with guilt and shame, it's all I can do to stop myself from smashing through that door to get to her! To kill her again!"

"Edward, that's enough!"

There was a long pause, and then Edward whispered, "Even if she recovers, I've lost her, as surely as if she hadn't come back. Her being alive is almost worse, because things will never be the same between us. Ever. And knowing that she's still in this world but I can't have her? I just...can't, Carlisle. I can't."

There was another smashing noise and then long seconds of silence.

When he spoke again, Carlisle's voice was low and full of compassion.

"Edward, I've only known Bella for a short time, but I've discovered that she's a remarkable woman, full of contradictions and surprises. She loves you, completely. _All_ the parts of you. Even the monster. I'm not saying that what you did wasn't terrible and traumatic for _both_ of you, but don't presume to know how she's going to react. She may surprise you."

I heard a noise, a shuffling, and I knew it was him, leaning against the door. As close to me as he dared.

"Do you know what her last words were to me, Carlisle?" he asked softly, and even though he wasn't in the same room, I felt like I could see him, his perfect face furrowed, eyes full of pain. "The last thing she said as I was draining the life from her? Cutting my teeth into her flesh? Breaking her bones?"

He paused, and even through all my painkillers, I could feel his heartache.

"She told me that she loved me. Told me..." He took in a breath, shaky and ragged, "…she told me not to hate myself for what I was doing to her. Her dying thought...was of me..._my_ well-being...and...even then...even _then_, I couldn't stop. Even as I was killing her and damning myself, I...couldn't...stop."

He made a tortured sound that pierced me soul-deep, and all I wanted to do was whisper that I still loved him. That he could kill me time and again and my love would be unchanged, but I didn't have the words, or the capacity to say them.

I squeezed my eyes shut instead, cursing my useless mouth, and the blackness that was tugging me back down.

"So you see," Edward continued, his voice getting farther away, "even if by some miracle she's able to forgive me, I can't forgive myself. We're from different worlds, and I as stupid as I was to think that I could live in hers, I can no longer contemplate allowing her to live in mine."

"Even if she _wants_ to be changed?" Carlisle asked.

"I can't change her, Carlisle. I can't condemn her to this life. I'd be burdening her with an eternity of addiction and struggle, and as selfish as I am, that would be my most unforgivable crime against her. I just...can't."

"So, what then? You're mates. You won't survive without each other."

"We can try."

"Son, believe me when I say that you'll fail."

Edward sighed.

"I just...can't be around her right now, Carlisle. It's too dangerous. _I'm_ too dangerous. During the few minutes we've been talking I've calculated several thousand ways I could incapacitate you long enough to get to her. My craving is too strong. I know my limits. Finally. I just need to know that's she's okay, then I'll go."

"Where?"

"Alaska."

"For how long?"

"For however long it takes to get the taste of her off my tongue."

"Son, that may take forever."

Silence.

"I know."

...

...

...

I opened my eyes. The sun had gone done. The room was shadowy. Empty.

No. Not empty.

Looking up, I saw a silhouette in the doorway, watching me. Eerily still.

I blinked a few times, trying to figure out if it was just my imagination.

"Edward?"

The clock on the wall clicked loudly, three times.

"Yes."

His voice was low and quiet.

"Where am I?" I croaked, my voice sore and hoarse.

He paused for a moment before he said, "Safe."

The word made my skin crawl.

"I thought you were leaving."

"I am. I came to say goodbye."

"I don't want you to go."

"I have to."

There was a noise to my right and I turned to see a bag of blood hanging from a stainless steel pole. Following the line of plastic tubing, I saw it disappear into my arm, and for a moment I was confused as to why it was there.

Then a sharp pain in my neck reminded me, and when I reached up, I found a gauze patch covering the place where...

"You bit me."

I looked at his silhouette, tense and still. There was a long pause.

"Yes."

I couldn't see his face, but his voice was strained. Dark.

"Did I taste as good as you'd imagined?"

He moved forward into the light, his mouth a hard line, his eyes intense and glittering crimson.

"Jesus, Isabella, do you think this is a joke?"

"No."

"I killed you!"

"I know. I just...I want to know if it was worth it."

He stopped beside me, glaring down with baleful eyes.

"Was it...worth it?"

"Yes. Did you enjoy yourself?"

He hissed in a breath as his hands bunched at his sides.

"I don't...it wasn't..."

I felt calm, but suddenly the words coming out of my mouth were harsh. Taunting. Like they were coming from someone else.

"Aw, what's the matter, Edward? Don't tell me you don't have an answer. I'm sure you've replayed the taste of that first mouthful over and over again, right?

He squeezed his eyes shut.

"Stop."

I wanted to, but the words kept coming. Cruel and bitter.

"Why should I stop? You didn't. Even when I begged, you kept going, didn't you?"

"I couldn't stop..."

"What a cop out! You didn't want to. You wanted all those sick little fantasies you had about me to finally come true, didn't you? You're probably still fantasizing, right? Well what are you waiting for? I'm defenseless. Come and get me."

His eyes flashed with anger, and for some reason, I smiled.

"Isabella...I'm warning you..."

He was trembling, growling low in his chest, and still I taunted him.

"How did it feel when you finally got to bite me, Edward? Did it arouse you?"

"STOP IT!"

"Did you _get off_ on the taste of me? How I felt in your mouth? Sliding down your throat? Did it make you _hard_?"

In a flash he was on top of me, pushing between my legs, his face close and contorted with lust. He ground himself against me, wrenching my head to the side and tearing off the gauze so he could kiss the jagged wound. Lick it. Nibble at it with his sharp, sharp teeth.

"You were absolutely fucking delicious," he snarled, tearing at my clothes, and then ripping off his own. "I only wished I'd tasted you sooner. And fucked you at the same time. I can't believe I let myself drain you without being inside you. That was my ultimate fantasy. To make you come even as I killed you. Certainly won't make that mistake again."

Then he was naked, hard and pressed against me, his mouth and hands all over me, making me moan and writhe beneath him.

"You like me like this, don't you?" he growled. "Part of you always wanted me like this. Well luckily for you, I'm now happy to give it to you. You want to fuck a vampire, Isabella? Well here I am. I hope you enjoy the ride."

He thrust into me, hard and repeatedly, and I cried out as he sank his teeth into my neck at the same time; drinking, pulling from me time and again. And while most of me was screaming 'NO', a tiny part of me was very much groaning 'yes'.

"You fell in love with a monster," he groaned into my ear, moving faster. "You threw away your life the moment you refused to run from me...allowed yourself to trust me...begged to touch me."

He bit me again, sinking deeper, his lips curling around the wound as he sucked, hard and long. Then he pulled back and gasped, his face above me, his eyes red and guilty.

"I never wanted you to love me. Never wanted to love you in return. I knew I'd never be what you deserved. I'd never be a man."

"You were always a man," I whispered as I watched his face crumble, pleasure and pain mixing so thoroughly I couldn't tell them apart as thick tears rolled down his cheeks. "The only man I'll ever want."

I reached up and wiped his face as he came, telling him I loved him over and over again as he screamed and squeezed his eyes shut, making more tears fall.

And when he stilled and opened his eyes, the red was gone, and so was the monster.

...

...

...

"Bella!"

I woke with a start, my heart pounding and breath racing. I clutched my neck but found no gauze, just some puckered, clammy skin.

"You were groaning in your sleep," Carlisle said gently, leaning over and looking into my eyes as I tried to calm myself. The adrenaline from the dream quickly faded, but I knew there was more to it than just my imagination. Some of the images were coming from Edward.

I quickly scanned the room, but he wasn't there.

I sighed and closed my eyes, letting the drugs deaden my panic and the prickling need for him.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice was quiet and concerned. "Please say something, because if you can't, then...well...I'm completely out of ideas about how to help you."

I looked at him and cleared my throat, before croaking out a very scratchy, "Hey, Carlisle."

Before I could blink he'd gathered me up in his arms and was hugging me. I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me, and I instinctively knew that part of it was from Jasper, but some of it was definitely from...

"How do you feel?" Carlisle asked frantically. "Are you in pain? Does it hurt to breathe?"

I blinked, trying to concentrate, focusing on the unfamiliar room.

"Carlisle where are we?"

I guess he took my question to mean I was feeling all right because he calmed down and said, "We're in our house just outside of Port Angeles. We should be safe here."

"Safe?" I asked, confused, then I remembered the conversation about the wolves. "Oh...right. The treaty."

His eyes were guarded as he said, "Bella...there's lot we need to discuss."

I didn't want to discuss things. I wanted...

"Where's Edward?"

He pulled back, and I could see his hesitation.

"I know he's nearby, Carlisle. I can feel him."

He glanced toward the large window. "He's outside."

I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

_Outside. Not here, holding my hand. Kissing my forehead. Saying he's sorry and telling me he won't leave. _

"He can hear us?"

"Yes. He's incredibly relieved you're conscious and...coherent."

"He won't come and talk to me?"

"No, he..." He glanced at the window again and sighed. "He's in a heightened state at the moment. Very aggressive. Irrational. Violent."

"Because he drank my blood?" I asked, a thick knot twisting in my guts.

A shadow of disappointment passed over Carlisle's face, but he quickly composed it.

"Unfortunately, yes," he admitted. "Drinking human blood makes it more difficult for us to control our baser instincts. Drinking the blood of one's singer only exacerbates the condition. He's extremely dangerous in this state. Insatiable. Reckless. Stronger than usual. I guess the human equivalent is someone who's high on Ice or PCP. His compulsions are few, but right now, they're extremely difficult to control."

"So he's basically acting like a newborn again?" I clarified.

Carlisle nodded. "Yes. An extremely aggressive, destructive, guilt-ridden newborn."

I heard a massive smashing sound, like someone had just turned a tree into toothpicks.

"Deny it all you want, son," Carlisle said to the window, "but it's true."

I wanted to run to the window and see him, even if he was raging, but in my current state, I had no idea if I was even capable of standing, let alone running.

As if he read my mind Carlisle reached under the blankets and touched my foot.

"Can you feel that?"

I nodded, and he touched the other one. "This?"

"Yes."

"Move them for me."

I wiggled my toes and rolled my ankles, my joints cracking loudly. His frown quickly relaxed.

"Thank God. I'll need to run a few more tests to know for sure, but I think you're going to be fine."

He looked toward the door and sighed. "I'm sorry to ask you this so soon, but I'm afraid there are some very insistent people waiting outside. Do you feel up to visitors?"

"Uh..sure," I said tentatively.

Suddenly the door burst open and Alice, Emmett and Rose were at my side, Em and Rose smiling from one side of the bed as Alice smothered me in an enthusiastic hug.

"Hey...guys," I wheezed as a sharp pain flared in my side.

"All right that's enough," Carlisle ordered. "Let's give her some room to breathe. I think Bella understands that you're happy she's okay. "

"More than happy," Alice said, pulling back and kissing me on the cheek. "Bella...I...I'm so sorry. For everything." She swallowed and looked away, and I stroked her hand gently.

"It's okay, Alice."

"No, it's not," she said, looking at me with guilty eyes. "As soon as Edward and Jasper found the house in the woods, I called everyone and told them to come back to Forks, but because Jake was with you, I didn't see...when James took you. It wasn't until Edward got away from the diner that I knew, and...then...when he entered the high school..."

She stopped, and I stroked her fingers, urging her to go on. "I knew as soon as he decided to taste the blood on the floor that he'd snapped, but...God, Bella, we couldn't get to you. When Jessica attacked Jake, the wolves knew about it. When we got to the diner they had Jas and her surrounded, and then all hell broke loose. We tried to explain that we'd take care of Jess...make sure she didn't hurt anyone else, because she was just another innocent victim in all this, but they wouldn't listen. I tried to get away to help you but..."

Her face filled with regret. "I saw...what Edward did. Saw you die and..."

I knew vampires didn't cry, not physically anyway, but right then, Alice was crying in her own way.

I squeezed her hand so she'd look at me, and when she did, I gave he a small smile.

"Alice," I said softly, "I'm okay. I'm kind of tired and sore, because, well, apparently dying will do that to you but...honestly...I'm fine."

Deep down I knew it was a lie because there was so much right now that wasn't fine, and possibly wouldn't be again, but at that moment, she needed to hear a lie. Frankly, so did I.

She hugged me again, a little too hard, and when I groaned she stepped back, immediately contrite.

"It's okay," I assured her. "I just...ache. All over."

Carlisle came over and examined my neck, which was itchy but not sore, and then he gently ran his fingers along my ribs. His face was a mixture of relief and surprise.

"You're healing remarkably well," he said, fiddling with the drip beside me before looking me in the eyes. "I can't tell you how relieved we all are, Bella. When we thought we'd lost you..." His voice trailed off, but I could see emotion on his face. "Well, I just don't know what would have happened if we couldn't bring you back."

"How did you?" I asked, pressing my head back into the pillow as I looked up at him. "And why didn't you just turn me? I mean, that's what Edward always wanted, right?"

Suddenly, everyone looked at the window, and I knew they were hearing something I wasn't. Something Edward was saying.

"He doesn't want it anymore," Carlisle said, turning back to me. "We couldn't have done it anyway. In order to turn you, your heart has to be beating. Also you'd lost too much blood."

"So then, how...?"

He looked at me carefully, as if he was nervous about telling me.

"While we were dealing with the wolves, Edward showed up carrying your...you. He was hysterical. Screaming at me to do something. Anything."

The thought of Edward being so distraught made my stomach drop. I looked at the window, once again desperate to just see him. To have him see me. To show him that I was okay. That, despite everything, _we_ could be okay.

"Seeing you made the wolves stop," Carlisle continued, "but when they realized you were dead, they became even more vicious in their attack. Ironically, Jacob was yelling at them to stop. I'd managed to patch him up a little and give him something for the pain, but as soon as he saw you, his only concern was getting you help, even if it was from a 'filthy leech'. I don't know if it was because of what he said, or that they just had their hands full considering there were so many of us, but no one attacked Edward or me while we treated you."

I frowned. "But...how did you _treat_ me? I mean, I was dead. Drained. How did you bring me back?"

He looked down at his hands.

"Wolf blood."

He glanced up at me to gauge my reaction. All he got was confusion, so he continued. "I had a few vials with me in case we were able to use it on James. I used it in conjunction with adrenaline to restart your heart, and then I injected some O negative I'd brought along in case we found Jessica alive. I was only able to give you a small amount intravenously, but it was enough to bring you back. By conventional medical standards it shouldn't have been, but the wolf blood obviously helped."

I looked down at the tube disappearing into my arm, trying to wrap my head around what had happened.

"When I woke up a while ago," I said, "I heard you talking. Saying I had brain damage. Anoxia?"

"Yes," Carlisle admitted. "You also had broken ribs and a bruised or damaged spinal cord."

I looked up at him in disbelief. "And the wolf blood cured me?"

He nodded. "It would seem so. It regenerated the neural pathways that were damaged due to the oxygen deprivation. The same with the nerves in your spinal cord. Your ribs, on the other hand, aren't completely healed, but they've certainly improved. I'd need to take an x-ray to see exactly what's going on, but regardless, your recovery has been remarkable."

"And the wolf blood's what caused the pain?" I asked, still reeling.

"I believe so. Whatever chemical process occurs when it regenerates damaged or dead cells seems to produce massive amounts of pain. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it was unavoidable. I gave you morphine to counteract it, and thankfully, that seemed to knock you out."

"How long have I been unconscious?" I asked, suddenly feeling nervous.

He inhaled. "Three days."

It took me a moment to process that.

"We got Jess to call your Dad," Alice said, stepping forward. "She told him that you were spending a few days with her on a road trip to help her get over a bad experience with a guy-"

"Understatement of the century," Rose muttered.

"But you'll need to call him," Alice continued. "He's starting to get suspicious, especially considering he hasn't spoken to you."

I nodded, my morphine-addled brain still trying to comprehend everything.

"What about Jess?" I asked, noting she was absent. "I mean, she's one of you guys now. She can't go home. What are you going to tell her parents?"

Carlisle sighed. "She'll call them next week and tell them she doesn't want to come home. Some excuse about Mike, her ex-boyfriend. She'll empty her bank accounts and tell them she's going to backpack around Europe. After that, we'll play it by ear."

"Where is she?"

"Out hunting with Esme."

"Then where's Jasper?"

Alice straightened my sheets. "He's outside. With..." She stopped abruptly, as if talking about Edward would make me unhinged. Quite honestly, just thinking about him made my brain and body rage with so many conflicting feelings and emotions, it was hard to breathe.

Carlisle noticed my distress and put a comforting hand on my arm.

"Is Jasper helping him?" I asked quietly, because the thought of Edward torturing himself over what happened made me want to rip all the tubes out of my arms and run outside, to hell with the consequences.

"He's trying," Alice said with a small smile. "At least Jas is preventing him from destroying more trees."

Suddenly, all the emotions that had been pushed down and dulled by drugs bubbled to the surface, and I couldn't get enough air. When I dragged in a deep breath, a sharp pain stabbed my side, and I gasped.

Carlisle immediately leaned over me, asking if I was okay, checking my ribs.

"I hurt," I whispered, and it was true. Every part of me hurt. Every inch of skin and each newly-filled vein. Every revived organ and reclaimed bone. And what I needed more than anything to take the pain away was him, but right now, he was the one thing I absolutely couldn't have.

"Bella?" Carlisle questioned again.

"I'm fine," I said, desperately holding myself together. "I'm just really tired. I might sleep now if that's okay."

Everyone nodded and murmured their goodbyes, leaving just Carlisle in the room.

"Bella," he began carefully, taking my hand, "you said earlier that you overhead some conversations while you were in and out of consciousness. What, exactly, did you hear?"

I looked down at his hand, so pale and similar to Edward's.

"I heard you and Edward talking," I admitted, a dull throb starting behind my eyes. "I heard him tell you that...he's going to leave."

He nodded sadly.

"In his current state, I tend to agree that it's too dangerous to have him near you. I'm sorry."

I swallowed and closed my eyes, and the pain in my side intensified, like pieces of me were detaching and crawling toward the window, trying to get to him, unwilling to be left behind.

"How long until he gets better?" I asked softly. "Until he can be around me again?"

"I don't know. Physically, he should process your blood in a few weeks, a month at the outside, but psychologically..."

He didn't need to finish the sentence. My mind had already completed it, and the conclusion it came to made me sick to my stomach.

"He has to come back, Carlisle," I said, closing my eyes and trying not to panic. "He has to."

"I know," he whispered.

"I understand that there's a possibility he'll kill me if he stays but..." I looked up at him, needing him to understand me, "…he'll definitely kill me if he stays away. He can't...he just...I can't even...comprehend being without him."

"I know," he said, squeezing my hand.

I winced as the pain in my side flared again.

"Do you need something for the pain?" Carlisle asked gently.

_God, please. Make it go away._

"Yes."

I closed my eyes and pictured Edward's face as Carlisle injected more morphine, but as soon as the shimmering calm overtook me and I was able to breathe again, his face faded and disappeared.

I tried avoid showing my disappointment, but I couldn't, and I could feel Carlisle watching my as my lips trembled.

"Do you want me to stay?" he asked softly.

I couldn't answer. I just squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head.

He stroked my hand and whispered, "I'll come to check on you later." Then the door softly clicked shut.

I felt the tears fall before I realized I'd given them permission, but I stayed silent, holding together all the parts that were fraying and pulling, threatening to burst open.

I clutched myself around the middle and willed them to be still, and finally they were, but every one of them ached for Edward. Craved his nearness. Needed me to wrap my arms around him and whisper that we'd be okay. That what happened didn't matter. That we were strong enough to get through it.

Part of me thought that if I believed it hard enough, I'd make it true. For both of us. The other part was already shutting down. Self-preserving. Sucking in all the morphine and squirreling it away, making me numb.

"You have to come back to me," I whispered, picturing him outside under the tree, torturing his hair as he listened. "I don't care that you think I'd be better off without you. I'm telling you for a fact that I won't. You're my mate. I can't live without you, and as much as you're trying to deny it, you can't live without me either. Nothing can ever change that. You say you don't want me to become a vampire, but if you leave me, I'll be undead anyway. You might as well just pump me full of your venom and finish the job."

The drugs oozed through me, making me feel like my body was sinking into the bed, but I knew that by the time I woke up he'd be gone, and I needed him to know these things before he left. I took a deep breath and forced myself to stay coherent long enough to tell him.

"Edward...I understand that you need time, and as much as it kills me to be without you, I know I have to give it to you. But you also have to understand that if you think you're leaving me for good, you've got another thing coming, because I'll chase you...fight for you...for however long it takes until we're together again. So do what you have to, but just find a way to make it better. To come back to me. I need you...so much. God, so much."

I turned and looked at the window, hoping against hope to see his face, but the glass was dark and empty. My vision was blurry and I wiped my eyes, dropping my wet fingers back onto the bed, fighting unconsciousness for just one more minute.

"I love you, Edward, and...you...you need to love me back. You have to. You need to...be here for me, because...I'm scared...and in pain...and no matter how many drugs Carlisle pumps into me...only _you_ can make that go away. You. So...you have to get better, all right? For me. Because...what if it wasn't the wolf blood that brought me back? What if it was just me, needing to be with you? Needing us to be together?"

The drugs finally overtook me, and I wished I could convince Carlisle to keep me on the morphine indefinitely. To let me just float in and out of oblivion until Edward came back, but I knew he couldn't. I knew that tomorrow I'd have to wake up and deal with the pain the drugs couldn't touch, and as I drifted off, I prayed to God I wouldn't have to live with it for long.

...

...

...

* * *

**Author Notes**

**So, I guess it's obvious, but this little tale is coming to an end. I predict three more chapters. (Plus 8 - 10 epilogues. That's normal now, right?) I can't thank you all enough for sticking with me. Your support has been unbelievable.**

**If you want to discuss/rage/vent with other GD readers, don't forget there's a Twilighted forum thread.**

**Huge thanks go to my sprinkle-Queen, Vican, whose comments always make my day.**

**WindowWard (and The Diva Diaries) have both been nominated in several categories for the Inspired Fan Fiction Awards. Thank you so much to whoever nominated us. Voting link is here for those inclined to such things: ****http:/inspiredfanficawards . blogspot . com/**

**(Don't forget to take out the spaces around the dots.)**

**Thank you all so much for reading. **

**Kiya x**


	23. Purgatory

**Update: 15th April, 2011**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly, and she ****just bought a new car I'm completely jealous of.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Still. Dammit.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 23 - Purgatory**

_Her blood flooded my mouth, the flavor of it exploding on my tongue, screaming down my throat, blazing in my stomach, and shrieking in my veins. _

_Lord, the power of it. The absolute knee-buckling rightness of it pulsing through my body. My continuous shudders of ecstasy drowned out my tortured groans as I fed...and fed...and fed..._

No...God, please stop me. Stop me, stop me, stop me.

I can't stop. Don't want to.

She's dying.

_The pleasure eclipsed every ounce of pain I've ever felt. A century full of dissatisfaction wiped out by the excruciating perfection of her blood. Obliterated. Erased. _

Stop. Please...please...

Can't.

Need.

Need it.

Can't not have it.

Under my tongue, sliding across my teeth, dousing the flames in my throat and stomach. Finally.

_For the first time in all my years, I felt...immortal. God-like._

_Vampire._

You're killing her.

I'm supposed to. It's my purpose. Hers too.

No, no, no, no, no...

Yes. Her blood. So magnificent. God, a million times, yes.

She loves me. I love her. Please...

I love her blood. Teeth clamp harder.

STOP!

Swallow...more...heaven.

_Her heart fluttered, running dry. My own was so full - bursting with blood and pleasure and shame._

_She was getting so heavy, everything drooping, withering as I sucked her life from her._

_Her voice. Talking to me. Loving me with her last breath. Forgiving me with her final touch._

_Begging me not to hate myself._

_Too late._

_She slumped. Her heart slowing. Nothing left for it to pump. Dry veins emptying their last into my insatiable mouth. Airless lungs collapsing as I squeezed her tighter._

No...don't leave me. Please.

_Tighter. Trying to make her stay with me. Cracking bones to make her stay._

I'm sorry, Isabella. Please, don't go. I'm so, so sorry.

_And still, I kept sucking until there was only air._

_The precious thud of her heart stopped. Started again, echoing hollowly. Stopped._

_Then there was silence. _

_Total and complete._

_Unnatural._

_The smell of her was all around me, seeping from my skin, spilling from my mouth, but her sound...her beautiful, precious sound was...gone._

She_ was gone._

_Not singing for me anymore._

_Silent._

_I froze. Opened my eyes. Detached from her neck. _

_Looked down at her._

_Dead._

_Broken._

_Defiled._

_By me._

Jesus. No.

_"Isabella?"_

Please God, no.

She can't be.

I can't have.

_"Isabella!"_

_I touched her face. Still warm but cooling. Her skin, still soft but hardening. Her cheeks, still wet but drying._

_The blood inside me churned, boiling and heaving, and I wanted it out of me. Back into her. Pulsing and rushing, making her breathe and sing again. Bringing back all her sounds._

_"ISABELLA!"_

_Huge dry sobs tore out of me, and I had to do something. Had to get help. Needed to have not done this, take it back, make it untrue._

_Make her un-dead._

_"Isabella...God...no...please. Please...please..."_

_I lifted her up and ran. Desperate. Crazed. Sobbing her name as I heard Carlisle's mind, and raced toward him, placing her lifeless body in front of him, crying and begging him to fix her, to bring her back to me._

_The wolves wanted to kill me. Him. All of us._

_Also my fault._

_Didn't care. All I could see was her, limp and lifeless. Looking less and less like my love every second._

_"DO SOMETHING!" I screamed at my father, who plunged the wolf blood into her chest, not knowing if it would do any good, but praying for a miracle. _

_Nothing happened and so he did it again...and again...using every vial he had, even taking more from Jacob who offered it freely__ until, as he inserted the final syringe, her back arched and she screamed, and the only sound more wonderful than the rasp of air into her lungs was the devastating song of her heart, thudding faintly once more. _

...

"Edward!"

Jasper glanced over at me, frowning, driving with white-knuckle intensity. "You have to stop it, man. Seriously. We have five more hours before we reach Denali. Between you and the ravenous newborn in the back, I feel like my stomach's filled with razorblades. Please. Stop thinking about it."

I didn't answer him. Instead I turned back to the window and watched the scenery blurring as we passed, streaks of grey and white and green.

I fought to keep still. To stop myself from tearing the door off the car and running into the endless wilderness. Losing myself.

"When are we going to eat?" Jessica whined behind me.

"You ate an hour ago," Jasper replied, his tone curt.

"Yeah, well I'm hungry again. Eating animals is like eating Chinese food - no matter how much you have, you're always hungry half an hour later. I don't understand why I can't have a real meal."

"Because, Jessica," Jas said, his patience wearing thin, "we don't want to be mindless, merciless killing machines."

"But that's what we are!" she argued. "I mean, you can dress a shark up in a tutu all you want, it doesn't make it a ballerina. Denying it permission to eat delicious surfers isn't going to achieve anything, except to make it miserable."

"Jessica-"

"I mean, look at Edward. Perfect example."

"Jessica, stop."

"He's been trying to be something he's not for decades, right? Trying to deny his urges. Of course he was going to snap. And now he's all uber-angsty because he killed his _human_ girlfriend? Now, I love Bella, and she's one of my best friends, but...well...she's food. He's _supposed_ to eat her. If he'd just fed from her the first time he caught her scent, this wouldn't be an issue-"

"Jessica! Shut up!"

She suddenly stopped talking, but I really didn't care. What she'd said made sense. If I'd followed my instincts from the start, none of this would've happened. If I hadn't hesitated when I first caught her scent, the nightmare of the past few days would never have played out. I wouldn't have fallen in love with her. Wouldn't have realized she was what I'd been waiting for my entire existence. She wouldn't have to deal with the fact that the man who professed his undying love was the same one who'd torn out her throat and devoured her blood, and I wouldn't have to deal with the realization that as much as I pretended to be a man, I was nothing more than a bloodthirsty, soulless monster, whose only true value to this world was his perfect ability to destroy and defile.

"Wonder if I'll get to eat my singer one day," Jessica muttered wistfully. "I bet Bella tasted amazing."

The car screeched to a halt and Jasper got out, wrenching the back door open and glaring at Jessica.

"Come on," he said roughly. "I'm taking you to feed, and then the rest of this trip will be _silent_. Y'hear me?"

Jessica got out, mumbling, "Why couldn't I have been adopted by a coven of normal vampires? You guys are complete killjoys."

"Edward?" Jas said more gently. "Do you want to come?"

I shook my head. As if I could face the travesty of animal blood while Isabella still pulsed through my veins.

"Okay. We'll be back soon."

I nodded and leaned my head back as the door slammed, closing my eyes and trying to ignore the monster as he hissed that Jessica was right. Drinking my singer had been amazing. Horribly, tragically amazing.

...

...

My fist connected with the tree over and over again, exploding the wood and sending a cloud of splinters around me, ricocheting off my skin and piling up around my feet, clinging to my clothes and nestling in my hair.

My anger was boundless. Spewing forth from my fists and mouth, harsh consonants hissing in every breath as I cursed who I was and what I'd done.

_"Stupid...delusional...selfish...bastard!"_

The tree I was pummeling fell and I moved onto the next one, and the next, and the next, the destruction feeding my need for more, purging a tiny piece of the self-hatred that was growing inside me like a cancer.

_"Stupid for loving her. Stupid for letting her love you. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"_

After half an hour, I'd felled a patch of forest the size of a football field. The massacred trees were barely recognizable, torn to pieces, the casualties of my need to expel some of the explosive violence inside me.

"WHY?" I screamed to the sky, picturing God staring down at my rage with amusement. "WHY EVEN MAKE HER FOR ME IF I CAN'T HAVE HER? WHY MAKE HER MY MATE ONLY TO HAVE ME KILL HER? WAS IT SOME BIG COSMIC SCREW-UP? A MISTAKE? OR ARE YOU JUST BORED AND I'M YOUR ENTERTAINMENT? WHY DO YOU KEEP TORTURING ME, YOU SADISTIC FUCK?"

I ripped a tree from the ground and smashed it into the splintered carcasses around me, bringing it down over and over again as I roared out my frustration, cursing God in the foulest terms I could think of.

When I'd finished, and the tree was nothing more than chunks of wood, I fell to my knees, panting, not feeling any better. Unable to even comprehend a time when I would feel better.

An image of Isabella's face invaded my brain, and suddenly all the strength went out of me.

I missed her so much that every piece of dead flesh on my body hurt. Ached. Every scrap of skin and shriveled organ. Longed to be with her. To hold her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, to the image in my mind. "I'm sorry...and I miss you, and I...God...Isabella...I love you...so much."

The Isabella in my mind looked at me sadly, as if to say that sometimes, unfortunately, loving someone just wasn't enough.

Exhaling, I stood up and brushed the wood pulp from my clothing, flexing and contracting my fingers, wanting to destroy more, but knowing Jasper and Jessica would be returning soon.

I walked slowly back toward the car, breathing deeply, trying to push the violence back down into the shadowy places inside. My problem was that in order to have shadows one needs to have light, and without Isabella, the only thing I had inside me was darkness.

...

...

When we arrived at Denali, Irina was waiting to greet us. Jasper introduced Jessica, who mumbled a greeting before running to explore the house.

Irina came over to me, her face polite and impassive.

"Edward."

"Irina."

We embraced, and I tried to block out the images in her head of Tanya and me together. I didn't need to be reminded of another person who'd suffered for my mistakes. I was fairly certain my level of regret had reached critical mass.

"I'm sorry...about Tanya," I said, drawing back, hating that the words were completely inadequate regarding the loss of her sister.

"I know," she said, waving her hand. "I don't blame you."

I shook my head and looked at the ground.

_You should blame me. It's my fault. All of it. _

"_I_ blame you," Kate said, walking down the front stairs and glaring. "If you hadn't left Tanya, none of this would have happened.

I couldn't argue with that, so I said nothing.

"Falling in love with a human, Edward?" she continued, stopping in front of me. "Accidentally turning a psychopath? I think you're possibly the most incompetent vampire I've ever known."

Once again, I couldn't argue, so instead I just clenched my jaw and nodded as I gestured to Jasper to fetch the duffel-bags out of the trunk.

He placed them in front of Irina and Kate and stood back, watching as they unzipped them and examined the contents.

"I know nothing can console you for the loss of your sister," I said as they unpacked all the bags, "but perhaps destroying him will...I don't know...give you some sense of closure."

God knows, I wanted to see him burn.

Driving all this way, knowing he was in the trunk? Every time we stopped so Jas and Jess could hunt, it was all I could do to stop myself from pushing the car off a cliff so I could watch it, and him, explode. I knew my lack of control was to blame for what I did to Isabella, but if he hadn't provoked me...if he hadn't practically rubbed my face in her blood? Maybe I could have held out.

Not hurt her.

Not killed her.

Maybe.

"Where's the rest of him?" Kate asked, looking up at me accusingly. "There are parts missing."

"Carlisle wanted to do some further research," Jasper said, quietly. "He didn't think you'd mind."

"Doesn't bother me," Irina said, stacking up the body parts and pulling a lighter from her pocket. "In a few minutes most of his body's going to be ash. Carlisle can play Dr. Frankenstein all he likes."

She looked up at me and tilted her head, a hard curiosity settling on her face.

"By the way, how did you kill him?"

I clenched my fists as I remembered our fight in the gymnasium.

_Well, for a start, Irina, I hit him, hard. Harder than I'd ever hit anyone before. His mind was projecting disgusting images of him and Isabella. Him __screwing her, draining her, tearing her apart. The rage inside me was...monstrous. Too much. Too big. It filled all the hollow places inside me, boiling like lava, incinerating humanity and reason until the only thing left to do was destroy...decimate...pulverize._

_And so, I hit him again, and again, and again, smashing him into walls and floors, growling in satisfaction when I fractured his skull...but still he kept taunting me. Begging for more violence._

_I knew he was goading me, but I didn't care. He wanted to die and I wanted to kill him. So, I let the white-hot fury consume me, and make me strong. Let the beast have his vengeance for daring to harm what was mine. It was the only thing that kept me from focusing on the unbelievable aroma of Isabella's blood oozing from her mere yards away._

_It was only after I'd torn his head from his body that I realized the monster inside me was truly out of control, and by then, there was no way to stop what he wanted to do next._

"I decapitated him," I said, pushing the memory away and swallowing a mouthful of involuntary venom.

_I told her to run, but it was too late._

"Was it quick?" Irina asked, looking at me intently.

"Yes."

_Too quick. I wanted it to go on...and on...and on._

She sneered down at James' remains and flicked the lighter.

"Pity."

As soon as she threw the flame onto the pile of body parts, blue fire exploded, making us all take a step back. I watched impassively, frowning as the wave of satisfaction I thought I'd feel at his destruction completely failed to emerge.

Part of me knew why: burning James wasn't going to undo what I'd done. It didn't erase or excuse it.

Because of my weakness, I wasn't with her. Couldn't be with her. Perhaps ever again.

"Does someone want to say a few words?" Jasper asked, looking around the group.

"I will," Kate said, stepping forward and scowling at the flames.

"Burn, you piece of shit," she growled, bitterly. "Death is too good for you."

...

...

...

The Denali house was large and modern, but it felt as stifling as a coffin. I was restless and irritable, and not even Jasper's considerable power could help me.

Although Kate mostly ignored me, Irina often tried to engage me in conversation to draw me out of my sullen, self-pitying shell.

She told me tales of the two singers she'd encountered during her existence. The first she came across was in Egypt. A peasant whose scent she caught in the bustling Aepep bazaar during the festival of Bast. He'd been dancing with friends and family as she passed, and it was all she could do to stop herself from slaughtering him on the spot.

She maintained her control just long enough to lure him into a back alley, but once there she fed furiously, driven mad by the power of his blood. She later regretted drinking him so quickly, and for decades afterward, found dissatisfaction with anything that wasn't him.

She encountered her second singer several hundred years later in Russia. At the time she and her sisters were going through their succubus stage - seducing men and then feeding from them while engaging in sexual acts. One night she was introduced to a Russian noble whose blood sang even louder than the Egyptian peasant's. She tried to resist, to prolong the experience, but the poor man was barely naked before she lost control, once again draining him hard and fast.

She considered my months of restraint around Isabella nothing short of miraculous, and constantly assured me I was being too hard on myself.

Her compassion didn't make me feel any better.

I eventually started avoiding her, and spent most of my time in my room, pretending to read when I was actually trying to stop myself from doing the thousands of bloodthirsty, reckless things that flickered through my brain with increasing frequency.

Drinking from Isabella had changed me, more than I would have thought possible. The guilt churning inside me was only eclipsed by the power of my newly-awakened bestial urges.

I couldn't stop thinking about blood. Stalking. Hunting. Killing.

I needed to kill.

God, how I needed to kill.

And not animals.

It was more than bloodlust; it was obsession, and when I wasn't replaying the horror of what I'd done to Isabella, I was fantasizing about doing it all over again.

Today had been particularly difficult. For the past few hours I'd been fantasizing about local prey. I calculated how long it would take me to get to the isolated settlements to the south of Denali. The population was so sparse it would take weeks to discover that people were missing. I could have warm human blood in my mouth in less than an hour.

Suddenly my door was flung open, and Kate stood there, furious, a phone gripped tightly in her hand. I stood as she strode over to me, and before I could read her mind, she slammed her hand into my chest, an agonizing bolt of electricity throwing me across the room and into the wall of bookcases. I got to my feet and snarled, ready to rip her apart if she touched me again.

"I don't give a crap about you or your singer, Edward," she spat, "but you will NOT feed on humans while you're our guest. I'll burn you myself before I let that happen."

She threw the phone at me and I caught it just before it collided with my head.

"And for God's sake, start answering your cell phone. Alice is tired of you ignoring her."

With that she turned on her heel and left, slamming the door behind her.

I sighed and brought the phone to my ear. "Alice." Her name was more of an accusation than a greeting.

"I didn't mean for her to zap you, I swear. I just keep getting these horrible visions of you going completely postal and wiping out half of Anchorage. It's freaking me out. I needed to speak to you."

I walked back to the couch and sat down, running my fingers through my hair and exhaling, trying to push down my irrational anger with my sister.

"What do you want, Alice?"

She paused, and then said, "It's been two weeks. You're still not feeling any better?"

How could I tell her that the bloodlust was actually getting worse? That the more Isabella's blood dissipated in my arteries, the more I craved it. Needed another hit.

"Alice, I'm fantasizing about massacring humans. How the fuck do you think I'm feeling?"

"Keep your voice down," she ordered. "Between you and Jess, Jasper is stressed to the extreme. If he hears you yelling at me, he's likely to kick your ass."

At this point I'd welcome a fight. Perhaps if I provoked Jasper enough he'd beat some of the violence out of me.

"Big brother," Alice sighed, "I know you're going through a rough time, but there has to be something we can do to fix this. There _has_ to be."

"Alice, I killed the woman I love. I'm pretty damn sure there's nothing that will _ever_ fix that."

She paused, and when she spoke again her voice was softer. "She misses you. She wants you to come back."

A sharp pain bloomed in my chest.

"If I come back I'll kill her. You know that as well as I do."

"Not if we change her."

My anger flared so suddenly, I almost crushed the phone.

"We're not changing her!"

"But Edward, she wants to-"

"NO! I swear to God, Alice, I'll tear apart anyone who injects one drop of venom into her!"

"It's what she wants!"

"SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS! What she's agreeing to! She doesn't understand what it will be like! She wants to do it so she can be with me, but we'll find another way! I won't rob her of her life! And neither will anyone of you, you hear me?"

I was gripping the phone so tightly the plastic cover cracked. I blew out a sharp breath and released my fingers, immediately feeling bad for yelling at my sister, but unable to stop myself.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, dropping my head and rubbing my face. "But, Alice, if you change her...if anyone changes her...I'm done with this family. I'm serious."

"Edward, you don't mean that..."

"I do mean it. Promise me you won't let it happen."

She sighed. "I promise," she said quietly, "for now. But when you've had time to think things through and calm down, we're going to talk about this again, okay?"

_My answer will still be no._

"Fine."

I stood up and paced the room, unable to stay still any longer. Just talking about Isabella was making my bloodlust flare. I was so hungry for her. For her blood, her smile, her touch.

"How is she?"

I knew my sister wouldn't tell me the whole truth in an effort to protect what she considered to be my 'delicate frame of mind', but I needed to ask the question.

"She's okay," she answered, predictably. "She misses you, of course."

I leaned my head against the bookcase and closed my eyes, resisting the urge to smash something.

"Dammit, Alice, just tell me. It's not as if you can make me feel any worse."

She paused for a moment, and I knew she was trying to see the outcome of revealing something that would upset me.

"Alice!" I said, not even pretending to be patient anymore. "Say it!"

"She has nightmares," she said quickly and then paused, waiting for my reaction.

"About me?" I clarified, digging my fingers into the thick wood of the bookshelf.

"Yes. About James, and you, and...dying. I often hear her...begging...in her sleep. Begging you to stop."

_"Edward...no," she pleaded, crying softly. "Stop." _

_But I didn't. Couldn't._

_I squeezed her to keep her still as I buried my teeth deeper into her throat, groaning in pleasure and torment as her blood filled my mouth. _

_"Edward," she wheezed, barely able to breathe as my arms tightened further, crushing her. "You can stop. You have the strength. Please...I love you. Stop."_

"Edward?"

I snapped out of the memory, feeling sick to my bones.

"I have to go."

"Edward, wait! I knew I shouldn't have told you."

I crushed the phone and threw it across the room, before nearly wrenching the bedroom door off its hinges and striding down the hallway.

I had to get out; had to try and release some of my pent-up violence and shame.

I raced down the stairs and found Jasper blocking the front door.

"Move," I said, halting suddenly, my muscles bunching.

"What's going on, bro?" he said warily.

_Alice told him about her visions. He thinks I'm going to slaughter half the town._

"I just need to get out, Jas," I said, trying to hold myself together. "Clear my head. Please move."

"I'll come with you," he offered, and seeing myself through his eyes, I could see why. I looked out of control. My face was dark with anger, and my eyes were bright red and crazed.

"I'm not going to kill anyone, for fuck's sake! I just need to get away from everyone. Think about things. Now move away from the goddamn door before I throw you through it!"

A huge wave of calm slammed into me, and I laughed bitterly.

"Do you honestly think your empathic bullshit is going to make a difference right now?" I yelled. "That's like throwing a fucking parachute at me after I've jumped out of the plane!"

"Edward, calm down. I'm trying to help you."

"If you want to help me, then get the HELL out of my way!"

He took a step forward and stared me down.

"Okay, brother," he said quietly, "I'm going to let you go, but if Alice gets even a glimpse of you deciding to go after humans, I'm coming to find you, and you really don't want that to happen."

"Whatever you say," I muttered as I stepped around him and pushed through the front door.

"When will you be back?" he called after me.

"Later."

I started running before I even hit the tree line.

...

...

...

I ran...and ran...and ran; trying to outrun the guilt and shame.

She was having nightmares about what I did to her. About me killing her.

She'd trusted me and I'd violated her in the most complete way possible.

I'd killed her.

_Killed_ her.

Those two words echoed through my head on a loop, repeating and getting more accusatory every time.

_Killed her, killed her, killed her._

When I was outside her window in Port Angeles, she'd begged me to return to her. Said that she still wanted to be with me, but how could she? How could she possibly look at me again with anything other than revulsion and fear? How could she ever trust me again?

More to the point, could I ever be near _her_ again without the memory of her blood breaking me in two?

My mouth flooded with venom at the mere thought, urging me to go against my vow to Jasper and find the nearest human to feast on.

The beast whispered his approval of that idea

I gritted my teeth and ran faster, determined to not give in to him. To never again let him dominate me. I'd run myself into the ground before I let that happen again.

I swallowed mouthful after mouthful of venom, wincing as it burned. I deserved the pain. Every bit of it.

...

...

...

After a few days of running, I stopped counting the passage of time. By the time I'd reached the mouth of the Talkeetna River, I'd abandoned my shirt and shoes, choosing to try and calm my feral mind by concentrating on the feel of the ground beneath my feet and the rush of wind across my chest.

I occasionally caught the scent of humans, and when I did, it took every ounce of strength I possessed to run in the opposite direction. Their blood was nothing compared to Isabella's, but it was still infinitely more appetizing than the abundant Alaskan wildlife. I couldn't stomach the thought of animal blood, and so I didn't feed at all, instead allowing the pain of hunger to add to my self-imposed penance.

I ran up mountains, and down glacial valleys; through thick forests, fresh snow, and frozen tundra, each footfall a deliberate step away from the parts of me that frightened and sickened me. That demanded things I wasn't willing to give them.

As much as I tried to clear my mind, I couldn't stop seeing Isabella's face. The look of wonder she always wore whenever she was with me. The absolute marriage of lust and love that clouded her eyes when I touched her...kissed her...made love to her.

The images twisted inside me like cut-glass because, after what I'd done to her, I didn't understand how she could possibly look at me that way again. If I kissed her neck, would she be waiting for the cut of my teeth? If I wrapped my arms around her, would she be waiting for the crack of her bones?

I even considered the possibility that she'd be better off if I never returned; tried to convince myself that her resilient human heart would eventually heal and move on. Find someone who could hold her without crushing her. Kiss her without wanting to kill her.

The thought of her living out her days with anyone but me made me physically ill, but if I honestly thought it would be best for her, then I'd endure it.

However, leaving her was no solution.

Realistically, I knew she'd never get over me, in the same way I'd never get over her. From the moment we'd met, we'd become part of each other, linked involuntarily, destined to either be with each other or be in hell.

Neither of us could fight the power of our bond, or the all-encompassing compulsion of it. Even now as I ran mindlessly, crisscrossing the Alaskan landscape, I knew exactly which direction I needed to head in order to get to her. I could feel it, bone-deep and infallible; a sharp constant tugging, like thousands of barbed needles, trying to drag my body to its mate. And as much as I hated to think about Isabella suffering the same sensation, I knew that she was.

I hated that. Hated that I couldn't ease her suffering by returning to her. Not until I knew she'd be safe with me.

Every so often a tiny voice whispered "change her", and I got a flash of how magnificent she'd be as a vampire, but it didn't alter the fact that in order for that to happen, she'd have to die. Again.

When I remembered her, so still and silent in my arms, the absolute wrongness of it sent a chill through me, and I knew I couldn't face seeing that again. Living with it.

I had to try and find another solution.

And so I ran, and kept mulling over the impossibility of our situation until my brain hurt, praying to my useless God for a miracle that I knew would never be forthcoming.

...

...

As the days passed, my need for her increased until all I could think about was her. Every footfall reminded me of the sound of her heart. Every cloud looked like her face. Every branch scraping across my skin was her fingernails as we made love.

I missed her beyond anything I could ever imagine. One day, when I didn't trust myself to not change direction and sprint as fast as I could in her direction, I stopped running. Because as much as I wanted to say I was ready to see her again, I really wasn't. This thought was made even clearer as I imagined enfolding her in my arms, only to sink my teeth into her neck and drink until she passed out.

And then, the feeding/sex fantasies started.

I groaned as my mouth filled with venom, and I became uncomfortably hard, squeezing my eyes shut as I waited for the mental pornography to stop.

When it was over, I slumped down onto the rocky surface and swallowed the bitter acid, gritting my teeth and wondering when it was going to get any easier. When my body would stop raging with equally tantalizing, but hideously-conflicting desires.

All I wanted was to be with her the way a man should be with a woman. To love her the way she deserved to be loved. To not drown in my own venom whenever I recalled the perfection of her blood in my mouth. To not harden and throb for her when my monster fantasized about being inside her when we tasted her again.

"JUST STOP!" I screamed, gripping my hair and pulling hard, wanting to tear the animal out of me, wrap my fingers around the monstrous strands, and rip them from my body, throwing them onto the cold stone, and watching them wither and die in the sunlight. I wanted to cleave myself in two and leave the cancerous vampire abomination on this mountain so the desperate human part of me could return to Isabella and give her the life she deserved, free from bloodlust and death.

I dropped my hands and let my head fall back, roaring out my frustration to the quiet landscape, digging my fingers into the stone beside me and grinding it into dust.

When my lungs were empty I slumped onto my back and watched the sun sink behind the mountains in front of me.

God, I was so tired. So immensely weary of the constant struggle of my existence.

Below me was a small glacial lake, and as the sky blazed with its final burst of daylight, the super-still water reflected it perfectly, thick fingers of orange and pink weaving across the glassy surface.

The illusion of the double-sky was quite remarkable, and for a moment, the colors reflected in the water seemed almost more vivid and breathtaking than the sky itself, but then a fish broke the surface and the illusion was shattered. The sleek perfection was revealed to be nothing more than a watery imitation of the sky's true vibrancy. The cold surface borrowing the appearance of warmth and light, but unable to truly embody it.

It was pretending to be something it wasn't, and never would be.

Eventually, all the ripples ran their course and the lake was still again. Blazing and perfect. A consummate imposter.

At one time I would have found the sight beautiful. One of the many wonders of nature that made my immortality bearable.

But today it just reminded me of how alone I was. Because even though the water imitated the sky, it was still just water, and even though being with Isabella made me feel like I man, I wasn't, and she deserved far more than just a cold, glossy imitation.

...

...

I heard Jasper and Jessica's thoughts long before they appeared at the water's edge, but thankfully Jessica broke off to hunt a large bear before she reached me.

Jasper continues toward me, his face dark and his body tense.

I didn't bother moving. I'd been expecting him to come looking for me. Frankly, I thought it would have happened a little sooner.

As he approached, his thoughts were deliberately vague and guarded, but even so, I could tell he was pissed.

"Hey," he said curtly, stopping several yards away.

"Hey," I answered without meeting his eyes. I was still staring at the mountains. I'd been staring at them ever since I'd stopped running, however long that had been. Days? Weeks?

Hypothetically, I could stay here forever and watch those mountains erode into dust. I could lie on this rock until the stone turned to sand.

I was vampire - defier of time. Impermeable and unchanging.

Forever cursed.

_God__, I wish she was here to see this view. Lying beside me. Her head curled into my chest. Her warm fingers drawing circles on my skin._

"What are you doing?" Jas said, obviously exasperated.

"Lying. Staring."

_Trying not to think about her. Always thinking about her._

_Missing her._

"I can see that. I meant, what are you doing disappearing into the wilderness like a goddamn crazy person? You said you were going out. That you'd be back later."

"And I will be. Much later."

_When I figure out how to be the man she fell in love with. The mostly-man, part-beast. __Right now the man is just a ghost who follows the beast around. Like Peter Pan's shadow, sewn to the bottom of his feet, but not really a part of him._

Jasper slumped onto one leg and shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to be patient with me but failing. A crisp breeze gusted from behind me, carrying the scent of a bear as it ruffled his hair.

"Should we tell Jessica?" I asked mildly, knowing she was currently wincing in distaste as she drained a malnourished moose.

"Bro, it's been nearly a month," he said, ignoring me. "Esme's out of her mind worrying about you, Carlisle's just about to come up here and kick your ass for not calling, and Alice... God, Alice has had to endure every single fatalistic fantasy you've had for weeks. The Volturi? What the hell? You seriously thought about going to them?"

_If I can't be with her, then what's the point of being? _

"Not seriously. But I thought about it."

He huffed in frustration and shook his head, the muscles in his jaw working harder than I'd seen them in a long while.

"Edward," he said tiredly, "what the hell are you doing? Bella is going through hell without you and you're just-"

When he mentioned her name I sat up and turned to him.

"You've spoken to her?"

He sighed and glared at me.

"Hell yeah, I've spoken to her. She calls almost every day, man. What the hell do you expect her to do? She loves you. She's miserable without you. I don't care that you're on a vision-quest or whatever, you should have called her."

I closed my eyes and swallowed, feeling like my ribcage wanted to peel open, because after weeks of trying to feel nothing, I was suddenly feeling too much.

"She's...God, Jas...what on earth could I possibly say to her? Sorry for murdering you and groaning in ecstasy as you died?"

He stared me down, not amused. "She just wanted to hear your voice. She didn't care what you said."

I swallowed and shook my head, wanting to believe him but skeptical.

"Why are you surprised about that?" he asked, a hard edge to his voice. "She's your _mate_, for God's sake. How the hell did you expect her to react to being away from you? She's not eating, and she won't hardly talk to anyone. Her father wants to send her to a shrink because he thinks she's going to hurt herself."

I felt sick, and when I tried to breathe, my lungs felt like they were brittle and tight.

"Edward," he said seriously, "I know you're having a hard time, and I can't even begin to understand what you're going through, but...you have to do something. You can't leave her in limbo like this. It's not fair. It's killing her."

"What am I supposed to do? How the hell can I ever be with her again?"

"Change her."

"I can't."

"Then let Carlisle do it."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I won't condemn her to this life! Immortality as a vampire isn't a blessing, Jas, it's a curse. You know this."

"But it's what she wants."

"No, it isn't," I disagreed. "She doesn't want to be one of us. She's _never_ wanted that. The thought of becoming a vampire freaks her the hell out. She wants to be _with me_, and if the only way she can do it is to change, then that's what she'll do, but she doesn't _want_ immortality."

"So she wants to change to be with you. Why is that so wrong?"

"Jesus, Jas, it's not like she's converting to Judaism, for fuck's sake! She's giving up her life! Her family! Her friends! She's giving up warmth, and dreams, and change, and children!"

"Yeah, and she's gaining the man she loves! Don't you think she believes that's worthwhile?"

"It's _not_ worthwhile! Even if I get to keep her forever, and we're as happy as two perennially hungry vegetarian vampires can be, giving up all of that will _never_ be worthwhile! Tell me that if Alice was human when you met, that you could have robbed her of her life, even if she'd begged you to."

We glared at each other, and I could see my brother's mind as he imagined Alice as a human, so spectacularly full of life she almost glowed, her heartbeat strong and immensely special.

His feelings of longing hit me like a ton of bricks, and he closed his eyes and sighed.

For the first time since we'd left Port Angeles, I thought about how much he was giving up to be here with me and Jessica. Nothing about this situation was his fault, and yet here he was, thousands of miles from Alice, suffering the same agony of separation as I was, but for far less selfish reasons.

"Alice is my _mate_, Edward," he said finally. "Even when she was a human she was my mate. Just like Bella's yours. We were made to be with each other. I wouldn't have been able to fight it any more than you can. You know you have to agree to change her. You can meditate on a mountain all you like, it doesn't make you Buddha, and it's not going to change the reality that you _have_ to be with her, and she _has_ to be with you, and if making her vampire is the only way to achieve that, then you're shit outta luck because that's what going to happen, whether you agree to it or not."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You know what it means."

"Someone else will change her?"

"Yes."

"Even if I don't want it to happen?"

"You're an idiot. It has to happen. We all know this. Why don't you?"

I raked my fingers through my hair, furious my family would go against my wishes. Just thinking about any one of them turning Isabella made me feel violently possessive.

"Edward," Jasper sighed, "you have to accept it. There's no other way. You must know that by now."

I didn't want to know it, but on some level, I guess I did. It made me sick to think about her being silent again, dead and lifeless like me, filled with eternal hunger, but I'd spent the last month trying to come up with other solutions, and I'd failed completely.

I couldn't go on without her. I tried to convince myself that I could, but I couldn't.

"I don't want her to be like us, Jas," I said softly. "I just...don't. She deserves better."

"I know, man," he said, looking at me sympathetically. "But she also deserves to be with the man she loves. If she was the vampire and you were the human, wouldn't you change to be with her?"

_Of course. __I wouldn't even think twice about it._

"I'd do anything to be with her."

"Well, funnily enough, she feels the same way about you."

Something flashed through his mind - a brief image of her - but he was very quick to hide it from me which immediately set me on edge.

"So you two have spoken about this at length," I observed, and there was more than a touch of suspicion in my tone.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," he said, leaning on one leg and looking nervous. "You two are perfectly suited. You're both incredibly stubborn. Although she's a lot less obnoxious about it than you are."

"Jas?" I said, stepping toward him. "What is it you're not telling me?"

He took a step back, and held up his hands. "Edward, I think we should go and hunt first, and then we'll talk about it."

"Talk about what?" I asked, losing any sense of serenity I'd cultivated over the past month. I tried to look into his mind, but he blocked me with images of a semi-naked Alice.

I was so focused on finding out what he was hiding from me, I didn't hear Jessica until she emerged from the tree-line and was walking toward us.

"So, have you told him yet?" she asked Jas. "Is he pissed? Wow. He looks really pissed."

"Told me what?" I demanded, turning to her.

"About our extra houseguests," she said, shrugging. "Dude, I thought you were a mind-reader. Is your special talent on the fritz or something?"

I turned to Jasper just as the breeze changed direction. I hadn't even realized he'd been standing downwind until that moment, but as several familiar scents hit me, one in particular caused my body to instantly blaze and tighten.

Within seconds I was in front of him, gripping the front of his shirt as I inhaled deeply, wincing as venom streamed behind my teeth, an involuntary growl rumbling in my chest.

"Jasper?" I said scowling at him, my voice tight and hard. "What the _hell_ is going on?"

"I didn't know they were coming," he said, desperately trying to calm me. "Alice thought it would be best if I didn't know, just in case you came back and...well, she wasn't sure how you'd react. She wanted to make sure you didn't go back there without feeding. It's not safe for her-"

I didn't even hear the end of the sentence before I was sprinting as fast as I could back toward the house.

"Edward! Stop!"

I ignored him. The imaginary barbs in my skin tingled and burned, pulling me forward at a furious pace, spurning me to run faster than I ever have.

_Her_ scent was on him. All over him. She'd hugged him. Which meant...she was here.

I knew I should stop. Hunt. Feed. Not go back to her while the beast was still so fixated on her blood, but I couldn't control myself.

I needed her. Every part of her. Immediately.

The beast hissed in anticipation, and I mentally snarled at him to not ruin this for me. To just let me see her. Be with her.

My feet flew across the ground, and every step forward made my venom flow faster and my chest ache more.

_She's here._

_My mate._

_My singer._

_My Isabella._

_Dear God, she's here._

...

...

...

* * *

**Well, a reunion is on the cards, but ****will WindowWard be able to control himself? **

**If you get a moment, I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

**Enormous thanks to my Sprinkle Queen, Vican, who ****not only gives me her wisdom, but also her porn. Wonderful woman.**

**Thank you so much for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	24. Trying to Change

**Update: 6th May, 2011**

**My beta-Goddess**** is Irritable Grizzzly, and I adore her.**

**Huge thanks to my Sprinkle-Queen, Vican.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight. Obviously.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 24 - Trying to Change**

"Edward! Stop!"

Jasper's mind was yelling as loudly as his voice, but there was no way in hell I could obey him.

No way.

Every layer of myself - monster, man, lover, killer - was singularly focused on one goal.

_Her._

_Seeing her._

_Touching her._

_Tasting her._

_NO!_

_Just being with her. Smelling her._

_Looking into her eyes._

My pace slowed a little and I stumbled over a fallen log before recovering and sprinting onward, a vague feeling of dread rising inside me..

_God. Looking into her eyes. Facing her. What I did to her._

I kept running, but the doubts that had kept me firmly planted on top of an Alaskan mountain for over eight weeks were whispering in my brain, telling me that I would no longer see what I wanted when I looked into her eyes. That instead of love, I'd see anger.

Fear.

And yet, I couldn't not go to her. I needed her. Needed to be near her.

Selfishly and stupidly, I wanted to kiss her and hold her, and defy the likelihood that I'd hurt her again.

I wanted her.

God, how I wanted her.

I was still miles away from the house when I heard the minds of my family: Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Emmett and Rose.

_God, they're all here. What the hell is going on?_

They were panicking because they knew I was coming and they had no idea what my state of mind was. To be honest, neither did I.

Alice kept having conflicting visions. In one I was kissing Isabella passionately, practically shredding her clothes as I ran my hands hungrily across warm, pulsing skin. In the other I was sinking my teeth into her throat and moaning as her blood flooded my mouth.

"_Edward_!"

Jasper was gaining on me, and Jessica was even closer, her newborn strength giving her exceptional speed.

I knew if I tried I could easily outrun them, but did I want to? Did I want to risk running headfirst into a situation that would endanger Isabella again just so I could satisfy my sick burning need to see her?

I sprinted faster, increasing the distance between me and my pursuers.

_Apparently I did._

_Idiot._

I burst through the trees that lined the road leading up to the Denali estate, moving fast. Even here I could smell her. A tiny wisp of scent that made me run even faster.

_I've missed that smell. So much._

It immediately aroused me, in every sense of the word, and I swallowed the usual influx of scorching venom, drawing in huge lungfuls of air, greedy for every breath of her.

Jessica emerged from the trees behind me, followed quickly by Jasper, both of them desperate to catch me. To stop me.

They weren't the only ones.

Emmett and Rose had just stepped out of the house and were coming at me fast, their minds formulating tactics to take me down.

I tried to keep tabs on all four of my pursuers, two in front, and two behind, but it wasn't easy.

Emmett barreled toward me, different contingencies of how to tackle me flickering through his mind.

"Just stop, bro," he said, bearing down on me. "Stop and eat, and then you can see her later. C'mon, don't be a dick."

"I'll see her first and then eat," I answered. I didn't know if they were my words or the monster's as I leapt over my brother's head. He jumped up and tagged my foot, but I easily twisted free, landing and leaping again as Rose's arms closed over the space where I'd been a second before.

"Dammit, Edward," she snapped as they both sprinted after me. "She's not going anywhere. Stop!"

"No."

The house came into view, and I could see Carlisle, Esme and Alice standing on the front steps. And behind them...

Oh, God...behind them...barely visible...

Too late I became aware of someone leaping toward me, and then a rough shoulder slammed into me, knocking me to the ground as strong hands shoved my face into the frosty grass.

"Why do you never listen?" Kate spat, splaying her hands across my shoulder blades as I tensed to throw her off. "Stay down!"

Electricity coursed through me, causing my whole body to spasm and go rigid, and I couldn't help but cry out in pain.

"Get off of me!" I snarled when the pain stopped, but she simply clamped her knees around my hips and zapped me again, this time longer and more powerful. I clenched my jaw and grunted against the pain as my muscles convulsed and strained.

"Stop it! Please!" _Her_ voice. God, her _voice_. Pained. Begging for the punishment to stop.

Trying to help me.

"All right, Kate, that's enough," Carlisle ordered, and I panted as the shocks dissipated. I was wound tight and shuddering in pain. Kate climbed off of me, muttering that a little pain would probably do me some good right now.

I was really starting to dislike her.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

I lifted my head to see my parents standing above me, Esme obviously wanting to comfort me, but not sure if she should. Looking around, I saw Kate and Irina to my left, Emmett and Rose to my right, and Jasper and Jessica behind me.

"Wow. Quite the welcoming committee," I groaned, waiting for my strength to return. "And yet I don't see any balloons. I'm hurt."

I got to my feet, observing how they all looked at me like I was a rabid dog about to attack.

"Edward, just relax, okay?" "Jasper soothed behind me. "We're gonna let you see her, but you have to hunt first."

"As if that's going to help him," Jessica whispered. "I'm pretty sure he's in a first-class car to Crazyville."

Then a breeze ruffled my hair, and it carried a gust of pure, gut-wrenching scent to me. I snapped around. There, standing on the steps behind Alice, was...

"Isabella."

I froze and just looked at her. My family was talking to me, asking me questions, murmuring and cajoling, warning me to stay calm, but all I could do was stare.

She was here. Alive and vibrant. More beautiful than I'd remembered...than anything I'd seen in my whole life.

Her heart pounded loudly...strongly...and the soft rush of her blood was one of the most incredible sounds I'd ever heard.

She was staring. Gazing at me like her eyes couldn't get enough. Like they were ravenous and I was a three-course meal.

I ached to go to her, wrap her in my arms, and bury my head in her neck, but I didn't trust myself enough to even approach her.

She stepped out from behind Alice, tense and wary, the fear I dreaded seeing in her eyes flickering, like an ember on the edge of igniting.

"Are you going to attack me?" she asked quietly, and I hated that she had to ask. Even more, I hated that she was _justified_in asking.

"I don't think so," I said, being as honest as I could. "Alice could probably be more certain than I."

She looked at Alice who shook her head. "He's okay. For now."

"Good."

Then she walked forward, slowly. My family watched nervously as she approached. Esme and Carlisle parted to let her through, but I knew they were poised to pounce should I show any signs of aggression.

As she got closer, her scent became stronger, and although there was something unusual about it, it still set my entire body ablaze. My venom flowed, scorching my throat, but there was something familiar and comforting about the pain. It was a reaction only she could incite in me. I only burned for her.

As she got closer, I gripped my control desperately as the beast screamed to be reunited with her blood.

When she reached me she stopped, gazing at my face, her hands tensing as if she wanted to touch me.

_Oh, God, Isabella, please touch me. Please._

_I don't trust myself enough to touch you, but you can touch me. Please._

_Touch me and tell me you forgive me. That you don't hate me. That you don't fear me._

_That you still love me._

_Please._

"I told you if you took too long that I'd come after you," she said quietly, an edge of bitterness in her voice. "You've kept me waiting for nearly two months, Edward. Two...months. Do you understand how torturous it's been to be away from you for that long?"

"Yes," I said simply.

I understood only too well.

"Just so we're clear…" she said, looking directly into my eyes, "I'm really fucking angry with you right now."

"You should be." I didn't care that she was angry, just that she was here.

"You kill me, and then leave me, and then ban your family from doing the one thing that will allow us to be together? On what level did you think that any of those things were acceptable?"

"Isabella-"

"No! Don't 'Isabella' me. You drank my blood. All of it. I think you can just call me 'Bella' after that."

"Bella-"

"You and I are going to have a conversation, Edward," she said, pointing at me aggressively. "Because if you think that you have the monopoly on grief and pain, then you're wrong. And if you think you're going to make all the decisions about what's best for us, then you're wrong again. Now, go with your brothers and hunt, because when you get back, we're going to have a little talk, and if you pull any of your self-loathing bullshit, I swear to God, being immortal isn't going to save you, because I'm going to kick your undead ass."

She glared at me for a few seconds and Alice stepped forward, warning her. "Bella, I don't know that you should-"

"Will he attack me?" she asked, not looking away from me, her eyes hard and fiery.

"No."

"Good."

She slapped me hard across the face. So hard I actually felt pain.

_What the hell? __That should have broken her hand._

I looked at her, equal parts shocked and aroused.

"Now go drink something that isn't me and get back here. I'm tired of waiting for you."

...

An hour and three foul-tasting deer later, and my brothers and I were heading back to the house.

I felt sick. The inferior animal blood sloshed and squirmed inside me, unworthy to mix with the small amount of Isabella's blood that remained in my veins, sliding across it like a thin layer of pond slime. In my mind it was like defacing a priceless masterpiece. A travesty of corruption.

Nonetheless, I did it because _she_wanted me to. Plus, my brothers were annoyingly unwavering in their insistence I drank more than my fill before returning to see her, hoping that an abundance of animal blood would lessen my need for hers.

They didn't understand.

Still, as we ran back to the house, I had to admit that the herbivore blood had certainly calmed my irrational emotions. The simmering violence that had been there since I'd drained Isabella was slowly ebbing, and I hoped that when I stood in front of her again, I'd be more of the man she fell in love with, and less of the out-of-control monster I'd become recently.

When we got back, I headed to my bedroom and peeled off the rotting denim I'd worn for over a month. As I stepped into the shower, I subconsciously locked onto Isabella's heartbeat in the eastern part of the house. I scrubbed my body and washed my hair, and as I pulled on fresh clothes, I tried to formulate what to say to her. How to excuse my inexcusable behavior, before and after the attack. How to apologize.

I came up with nothing. "I'm sorry", was so completely inadequate in describing my regret, it was laughable.

As I was tying my shoelaces, Carlisle knocked on my door, entering before I had a chance to answer.

"Hi," he said, looking at me carefully, trying to asses my state of mind.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling, son?" he asked, his mind betraying the relief he felt that my eyes were no longer bright red, but a murky maroon.

"Fine."

"Violent?"

"A little. Mostly toward Kate."

"Yes, well, she did zap you pretty hard."

"And she enjoyed it."

He nodded. "She's still grieving for Tanya. She's taking it out on you."

"Yeah, well, I guess I deserve it."

I stood and grabbed a t-shirt from the closet, pulling it over my head and turning back to my father.

"You know why we're here?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning his elbows on his knees. "Why we've come all this way?"

"I assume you want my permission to change Isabella."

He nodded. "Well, yes. But make no mistake, regardless of your opinion I've agreed to change her. She'd like to speak with you about the terms of the change, but... she's a very difficult lady to argue with once she's made up her mind, son. It's going to happen. I just hope you can come to terms with it."

I exhaled. "So everyone keeps telling me. I guess I need to talk to her."

Sick nervousness coiled my insides.

"Yes," Carlisle said. "You need to hear her out. She's...upset."

"I got that impression."

"_Understandably_upset, Edward," he said sternly.

My father rarely looked at me disapprovingly, even at the height of my rebellious/murderous phase, but he was looking that way now; driving home how badly I'd handled the entire situation. How appallingly I'd treated her.

"I know," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets. "I know I've ... screwed everything up so badly."

Carlisle didn't contradict me. "How do you think you'd cope with having a private conversation with her? It's what she wants. What she deserves."

"God...Carlisle. I'd like to think I could control myself, but..."

"Do you feel better since hunting?"

"Yes, but her scent? It makes me unhinged, no matter how much deer blood I have sloshing around inside me."

"Well, you are sloshing pretty loudly right now."

"Tell me about it."

"What if Alice and I waited outside the door? Just in case. We could be in there in a second if need be, and Alice will of course monitor your decisions."

I nodded. I knew they'd do their best not to listen, but I felt better knowing they'd be there. Besides, they'd been with Isabella the whole time I'd been away. I was sure anything she had to say to me wouldn't surprise them.

I thanked my father and then we went to find Isabella. I guessed from the location of her heartbeat that she was in the study. Well, study was kind of a misnomer. In reality it was more akin to a library, with three-walls of oak bookshelves facing a giant wall of glass that looked out onto the mountain.

Alice was waiting outside the door when we got there.

"How is she?" I whispered.

"Pissed," Alice replied, matter-of-factly.

Inside the study, I heard pages being turned aggressively.

_Please, God, don't let her get a paper cut. I seriously couldn't cope with that._

"Edward," Alice said tiredly, "you know I love you, but in all honestly, you've been an ass."

"I know."

"And even though I've missed you terribly, she's missed you more."

I sighed and nodded. "I've missed her too, Alice. You have no idea how much."

She pulled me into a hug and squeezed. "Actually, I've had to endure a vision of you asking the Volturi to destroy you, so yes, I do know how much you've missed her. Never think about crap like that again, you hear me?"

I nodded, resting my head on her shoulder and just loving having her arms around me. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed my family. Especially her.

"Please give me some good news," I whispered. Squeezing her tightly I said, "Tell me I'm not going to hurt her again."

"You'll be fine," she said, pulling back and looking at me. "But you can't get too close, even if you want to."

"Do you see me biting her?"

"No. I see her hitting you again and you crying like a bitty baby."

I looked at her levelly. "You're not funny, you know that, right?"

"I know no such thing," she deadpanned. "I'm hilarious."

"Alice," Carlisle warned, "I think your brother has enough to worry about right now. Leave him alone."

I took a deep breath and put my hand on the doorknob. "Alice, is she going to forgive me?"

She looked at me and shrugged. "I don't know. You're going to have to ask her that."

Sighing, I knocked gently, and heard a quiet, "Come in." I slowly opened the door, briefly registering Carlisle and Alice's hopeful expressions as I closed it behind me.

Isabella was sitting in a large wingback chair, but as I stepped inside, she stood up and closed the book she was reading. I couldn't help but notice the title: Kafka's Metamorphosis.

_Appropriate_.

In the enclosed space, her scent was strong, and once again I noticed the faint sourness tinging her usually perfect bouquet. I concluded the wolf blood she'd metabolized might have caused the change, but it certainly wasn't enough to make her any less tantalizing to me. I locked my legs in place and swallowed the inevitable venom.

She stiffened, heartbreakingly nervous in my presence, her eyes wary, fear coloring her obvious anger.

Despite her tension, she'd never looked more beautiful, and I knew that part of the reason was because the beast found her fear incredibly attractive.

"I won't hurt you," I said softly, a promise to myself as much as to her.

She laughed bitterly. "Oh, really? You won't drink my blood again? Break my ribs? Crack my spine?"

_I hate that I did all of those things to her._

"Isabella, you have every right to be upset about that. I'm sorry..."

"Goddammit, Edward!" she said, throwing the book onto the chair and glaring at me. "That's not why I'm upset! What happened with James? Yes it was traumatizing, and yes, I'm kind of terrified of it happening again, but ... I always _knew_ what you were capable of. I felt it every time I was near you. I knew how much you hungered for me, and when you fell into James' trap, as much as I hoped you'd be able to control yourself, I wasn't really surprised that you couldn't. I didn't _blame you_that you couldn't."

She took a deep breath. "What I _was_ surprised about is that you could... " - _Attack you? Drain you? Kill you? _- "... do that to me and then leave for TWO MONTHS! You didn't even CALL to see how I was! Didn't give me ANY indication that you cared about me at all. That you _LOVED_ me! That you _NEEDED_ me as much as I needed you! _THAT'S_why I'm angry, Edward."

Her eyes were fierce, filled with hurt that I'd put there. Anger that I'd caused.

"Isabella, I'm sorry." _Ridiculous words that don't mean nearly enough._

_Explain it to her, Cullen. Tell her why you did it. Do you even KNOW why you did it?_

"I needed time-" I tried lamely.

"Oh, YOU needed time?" she snapped, understandably dissatisfied with my pathetic excuse. "Well, you know what _I_ needed, Edward? I needed the man I love to ask if I was all right! To make me believe he hadn't given up on us! To tell me we were going to find a way to be together and make it through this. That's what _I_needed."

Tears ran down her cheeks, making my chest ache. "Isabella... God, I'm sorry."

_Still not good enough. It will never be good enough._

I couldn't help but move forward and reach for her, but she pushed my hands away.

"No!" she said, crying openly. "You don't get to touch me and make it all right. You've been inconsiderate and selfish, and you don't get to...just...hold me. For two months I've dreamed about you coming back to me, but you didn't. You ran away when I needed you most. And I know that you were traumatized by what happened as well. I _know_that. It just...it doesn't make leaving me right. It just doesn't."

"I couldn't be around you," I protested, feeling more wretched every second. "I was terrified I'd hurt you again. I _would _have hurt you again."

"So you couldn't call me on the phone? Couldn't tell me that you were trying to work through things so we could be together?"

"I didn't... I mean, yes... I should have... but... I just... "

"What, Edward? You just, what? Couldn't be bothered?"

"You know that's not the case."

"Then what? Tell me!"

"I couldn't face you!" I finally admitted, feeling like the most worthless excuse for a man to ever walk upright. "I was filled with guilt and fear, and I ran! Ran as far away from you as I could get because... goddammit, I couldn't face you! Verbally or in person. I couldn't."

Even now, when she was looking at me with more fire and passion than any man deserved to witness, I could barely face her.

"Bella...I couldn't face what I'd done to you. How I'd betrayed you. How I'd _killed_you, for God's sake! You - the one person I should have protected with my life. The one person who means more to me than anything or anyone I've encountered in my entire existence. The one person I... love...more than you can possibly know. If I called you, and spoke to you and... If you hadn't... "

I took a breath, trying to articulate my greatest fear. The one thing that would have completely destroyed me beyond any physical harm.

"I don't know what I would have done if... if you couldn't have forgiven me. If you finally saw me for the inhuman, worthless creature I actually am. If... if you didn't... love me... anymore."

She looked at me for a long moment, and although she was no longer crying, her eyes were full and wet, and more intense than I'd ever seen them. "You stupid, stupid man," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "Do you think I have a choice as to whether I love you or not? I don't. Believe me, there were plenty of times over the past eight weeks when I was so lonely, and miserable, and missed you so much, that I wished I didn't love you. Prayed not to crave you with every stupid molecule in my body. But I did. I craved you so badly it made me physically ache. I could barely function because all I could do was think about _you_."

She looked at me sadly and shook her head. "Do you think for once second that I've EVER seen you as you see yourself? That I've ever regarded you as anything but perfect, and spectacular, and... mine?"

My throat squeezed shut as I tried to keep my emotions from choking me. "But... I... God... what I did to you... "

"I hate what you did to me," she whispered, her voice cracking. "But I don't hate _you_for doing it."

"How could you not?" I desperately wanted her forgiveness, but felt completely unworthy of it.

She took a tentative step forward, her face too emotional. It was killing me to see her in pain. "Edward, you're a vampire. You're designed to kill. And for some unfathomable reason, I'm your singer. I guess...God, I hate having to admit this but ... I was designed to be killed. By you." She shook her head. "It's taken me a long time to accept that, but it's true. By you draining me, we...well...I kind of feel like we've fulfilled our pre-destined roles, and now...now it's time to make ourselves new roles. But I can't do it without you. I can't make this work if you keep running away and losing faith in us. I can't."

She took another step forward, and there wasn't fear in her eyes now, just need. Desperation.

"You think you're a monster and a killer, and all types of horrible things, but to me you're one thing - mine. Made for me." She stopped in front of me, her heart racing and her breath hitching, trying so hard to tell me how she felt without crying. "And no matter what you think of yourself, to me... Dammit, Edward, to me you're the man I love. The man I can't, and won't, live without. Forget about all the things you thinkyou are and just be that. Nothing more. That's all I need you to be. Please. Please..."

Finally, her emotions took over and her face crumbled. In a second I had my arms around her, pulling her against me as she buried her head in my chest, her tears soaking my shirt.

_Please don't cry. Not over me. It destroys me when you cry._

"I'm sorry." Dry sobs caught in my lungs. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I love you. I was so stupid, and selfish, and...I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please...I need it. Please. I'm sorry."

She cried for long minutes, and although I knew she was still angry, as I hugged her tighter her whole body relaxed, melting against me as I stroked her back.

The beast was inhaling her and screaming his demands, filling my mouth with venom and shrieking that her neck was RIGHT THERE, but I squeezed my eyes shut and just concentrated on her heartbeat, letting it ground and calm me.

"Please, tell me what to do," I whispered, my lips against her ear. "Tell me how to make it better. I'll do anything."

"You know what I want," she said, gripping my t-shirt, her head against my chest.

_Anything but that._

"Isabella-"

She stepped back and looked up at me. "It's the only way. If you've come up with something better, I'm all ears."

"As much as I want you with me forever," I said as I stroked her cheek, my finger tingling from the glorious vibrancy that she wanted my permission to extinguish, "you don't want to be a vampire. I know you don't."

She looked at me sternly. "I want to be with you, and I'm willing to become a vampire to make that happen. Before all this happened, that's what you wanted. What you fantasized about."

"That was before I realized what an insufferably selfish ass I was being for wanting to condemn you to this life."

"Edward, if I'm not with you, I have no life anyway."

She stared at me, focusing on my mouth. I really wanted to kiss her. Kiss her in the way I'd been dreaming about for so long, but having her so close was taking its toll on me, and I quickly stepped away from her and crossed the room, trying to clear my head. Opening one of the large windows, I drew in a lungful of cold air, exhaling loudly before turning to face her.

"Bella...just thinking about you going through all that pain...the transformation..."

"I've been in agony for months without you. A few more days isn't going to matter to me, especially if it means I can really be with you. Right now you can barely stand to be in the same room with me, and I hate that. I need to not be constantly terrified that you're going to lose control again. Please."

I leaned against the wall and shoved my hand in my pockets. "I wish there was another way."

"So do I," she sighed. "But there isn't."

"When?"

"As soon as possible."

"Calisle's prepared?"

"No… well, yes, he is but... I told him I want... well... I'd like you to do it."

I stared at her for long seconds, processing what she was asking of me.

"Please," she said. "If I'm going to be changed, then I want it to be your venom that does it. No one else's. Carlisle has been talking to Jess about how James turned her so quickly. He milked his venom. Then he bit her and injected it into her heart. I want it to be you. If I'd wanted someone else to do it, I would have stayed in Port Angeles. I came here for you. Not Carlisle. Not Alice. You. Please."

A rush of possessiveness washed over me as I considered my venom rushing through her arteries, taking control of her cells... her body; crystallizing her flesh and burning away every ounce of her humanity until all that was left was...

God.

I felt sick and euphoric all once.

"Edward?"

I nodded, swallowing down venom and guilt. The thought of having to bite her...tasting her blood again, made me dizzy and high.

"Your family can be there in case something goes wrong, but... please... just try."

Could I live with guilt of changing her myself? Would I be able to control myself enough not to drink?

The vampire in me whispered that I wanted to change her. To have part of me forever inside her. To make her perfectly... tragically... immortally mine.

"Please, Edward," Bella pleaded once more. "Just say 'yes'."

_As if I could deny her anything ever again._

"Yes."

...

The basement in the Denali mansion was quite similar to the one in our house in Forks, a telltale sign of it being an Esme Cullen design. My mother didn't believe basements should be dark, dank places, and had designed this room to be a bright open space. There were several large stainless steel tables along the wall, and a dozen half-finished sculptures and paintings filled the other side of the room.

Obviously the Denali sisters kept themselves busy with artistic endeavors.

I sat on a stool beside one of the long tables as Carlisle unpacked a host of equipment. When he was done laying it all out on the table he turned to me. "Okay, place this under your top teeth."

He handed me a strange contraption that looked like a plastic tray mouth-guard attached to a large test tube.

I looked at it skeptically. "Is this what James used to milk his venom?"

"No," Carlisle said, examining the device. "Jessica informed me he simply spit his venom into a bowl, but I think this is a little more refined. The guard should catch the venom from behind your back teeth and channel it into the tube. No matter how we do it won't be particularly glamorous, but at least this gives it a semblance of being a clinical procedure."

Shrugging, I slipped the guard into my mouth, clicking it onto my teeth.

"All right, now...think of something that will trigger your venom."

I pulled the guard out and sighed. "For the record, this makes me feel like a farm animal."

Carlisle suppressed a smile. "Whatever works for you, son."

I exhaled and put the guard back in, closing my eyes and trying to trigger my venom.

It wasn't long before the image I wanted most to forget pushed its way to the surface: me pulling Isabella's head to the side, lowering my mouth over her creamy skin, and sinking my teeth into her soft, warm throat; shuddering in absolute ecstasy as my mouth filled with her hot, sweet blood -

"Okay, we're done," Carlisle said, patting me on the shoulder.

I opened my eyes and looked down at the test tube. It was full to overflowing.

Disengaging the mouth guard, I watched as Carlisle filled a large cardiac syringe with my venom, his mind vague but troubled.

"Carlisle? What is it?"

"I have some concerns regarding how Bella will react to the venom considering she may still have small amounts of wolf-blood in her system. She's exhibited some minor physiological changes since...well...since we revived her."

"Changes? Such as?"

"Her body temperature has been running consistently high. Not as high as the wolves', but certainly higher than normal. Also, she seems to be a little stronger than usual."

"Yes, I noticed that when she slapped me. Please tell me she's not going to turn into a wolf."

"No. I'm fairly certain that's not a possibility. Her vitals are quite different to the wolves. I'm just...concerned about how those changes may affect the transformation. It's probably nothing. She's set on it happening regardless."

"You've spoken to her about your concerns?"

"Yes. We've spoken at length about the procedure, and what she can expect. I've harvested almost ten times the amount of venom usually needed to facilitate the change, so even if her elevated metabolism burns some of it off, we should have plenty to complete the process. I'm going to try to alleviate the pain with morphine. I have no idea if it will have any effect, but I figure it's worth a try."

Anything was worth a try if it meant preventing her from feeling the full pain of the transformation.

"I hate that she has to go through this for me," I said as I gripped the edge of the table so hard it dented.

Carlisle stopped what he was doing and looked at me, familiar understanding in his eyes. "I know, son. It a hard thing to accept. Killing the one you love so you can keep them. But by doing this...by wanting it to happen...she's proving just how much she loves you."

"And how do I prove how much I love her?" I asked.

"By agreeing to it, you already have."

...  
When I walked upstairs, I discovered that one of the bedrooms was already prepared to house Isabella's transformation. I looked around the room - the sumptuous bed was stripped down to just a white sheet, blankets folded neatly beside it, a towel draped over the nightstand and set up with an array of gauze and needles - and the sudden reality of what was about to happen hit me. Soon, Isabella would be a vampire: damned, immortal, thirsty, indestructible, and more beautiful than any creature who'd ever walked the earth. I had so many conflicting emotions I couldn't identify exactly what I was feeling, and as I sat on the edge of the bed and cradled my head in my hands, I felt guilty as hell for starting to get excited about the change.

"Good God, man, you're still brooding? How does your family stand it?"

I looked up to see Kate leaning against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Apparently brooding is the one thing I'm good at," I replied. "I'm just working to my strengths."

She walked over to the nightstand and examined the collection of needles. "I would have thought you'd be happy with what's about to happen. The human you're mated with has decided to voluntarily become one of us. If I were you, I'd be dancing around singing 'Hallelujah'."

I smiled. "Kate, no offense, but I find it difficult to imagine you doing that, in any situation."

She shrugged. "Yeah, well, I've rarely had occasion to be that happy in my existence, so I guess my obnoxious celebration skills are kind of rusty."

She sat next to me on the bed, and for a few seconds we were silent, but I could feel her mind churning with flashes of thousands of men. Thousands, and thousands, and thousands. All of them attached to a tiny prick of pain, a feeling of hopelessness, layers of despair.

Eventually Kate looked at me, endless years and countless experiences flickering behind her eyes.

"Edward, I remember what you were like before you met this human. How maudlin and depressed you were, fearing you'd never feel the forever-bond that the rest of your family had found. So sad and lonely for one so young. Even when you were with Tanya, I knew you didn't love her- not in the way she wanted you to, anyway."

She looked out the window and smiled, but didn't look happy.

"Back then I felt a certain kinship with you, beyond our mutual lifestyle choice. My sisters and I have lived a long time, and in all those years, none of us has found our mate. Irina seems to have made her peace with it, resigning herself to a loveless existence. Tanya, as you well know, was desperate for it, sick of meaningless men passing in and out of her life. And as for me... well... I've never been what you would call a romantic, and yet, in the past three or four hundred years, I've felt a certain... yearning. A craving to share my life with someone. Well, someone other than my sisters."

She turned back to me, giving me a bitter smile.

"Ever since I've known you, you've had that same yearning, even stronger than mine. I could tell how lonely you were, even in a room full of people. How involuntarily jealous you were of your family members and their partners. In a way it made me laugh because you were so young, and yet so desperate. I despaired to see what you would be like in a few centuries if you hadn't found a mate. I seriously believed you would have become the only vampire in history to go insane and buy dozens and dozens of cats."

I laughed, remembering how miserable I was before I'd met Bella. "I take it the cats would have been for company and not for snacks."

She nodded. "Yes. Eventually they would have been the only creatures who could have endured being around you, considering they're also endlessly brooding and sullen, and so wouldn't take offense—"

"Fair enough."

She gave me a small smile, something I hadn't received from her in a long time. "Look, Edward, my point is this: you've finally found your mate. The one who was meant for you and you alone, and sure, the universe played a cosmic joke by putting her in the body of your singer, but now...now you have a chance to be with her forever. Some of us may never be as lucky."

She stood up and walked to the door, turning back before exiting. "I just hope that one day, I find someone who'll look at me the way you look at her. You thought being lonely for a hundred years was a trial? Try doing it for a thousand. Then we can talk."

"Kate... "

She waved me off. "Just don't take this for granted, Edward. Not every vampire gets their mate. You have yours. Don't apologize for doing whatever it takes to keep her. Celebrate it. Today is a great day for you both."

Then she was gone.

...  
It was time.

I knocked gently on Isabella's door, and she whispered for me to come in.

I found her sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands clasped tightly together. She didn't look at me as I closed the door behind me and stood in front of her.

"Isabella?"

She stood and moved past me to the window, dressed in a soft white bathrobe, freshly showered and smelling like heaven.

She stared out at the falling snow, swallowing repeatedly, the white robe making her look exactly like a virginal sacrifice. I clenched my jaw as I was reminded that she was making the ultimate sacrifice...for us. My gratitude, pride, fear, and elation all expanded inside of me and when I spoke, my voice was hoarse with it, too full of emotion. "You look beautiful."

She looked at me finally, her eyes betraying how frightened she was, her blush coloring her cheeks.

_Her beautiful blush. I'll never forget it._

I walked over, stopping in front of her and cupping her face in my hands, looking into her eyes. "Thank you," I said, trying to make her understand how grateful I was. How amazingly brave I thought she was. How _loved_she was. "Thank you for doing this. For making me help you do this."

"I would have done it without you, but I'm glad you agreed. It means so much more knowing that it's you."

I leaned down, inhaling her scent, trying to burn it into my memory even as it sent mouthfuls of acid down my throat.

"How is it that I'm the indestructible one, but you're so much braver than I am?"

She didn't answer, instead choosing to wrap her arms around my neck and hug me, burying her face into my chest and breathing deeply before sighing, "I love you, Edward. If I'm brave, then that's the reason why."

I tilted her head up and kissed her gently, desperately wanting more, but knowing my control wouldn't allow it.

"So sweet," she whispered, looking up at me. "Are you going to taste this sweet when I'm like you?"

"I don't know." I kissed her again, knowing I had to stop soon as I felt the familiar tension of the beast flexing inside me.

We kissed for several long minutes, neither one of us wanting to break away, but knowing we had to, and when Carlisle said my name quietly in the next room, I knew we had to go. The venom would only be effective if we used it quickly, and time was running out.

I pulled back and hugged her tightly, whispering in her ear as she dug her fingers into my back. "We have to go."

She nodded against my shoulder. "I'm ready."

"Your parents?"

"I called them this morning. They think Jess and I are roadtripping around the country. I told them I'd call them in a few days."

I nodded and kissed her cheek, pulling back so I could look her in the eyes.

"Bella, I'll never ever be able to adequately repay you for what you're giving up for me today, but I promise that I'm going to try, and I vow that I'll love you every day, in a thousand different ways."

She gave me a small smile and touched my face. "There you go again," she said, stroking my cheek, "thinking this is all about you. I'm not giving up anything for you, Edward. I'm doing this for me. So I get to keep you."

I kissed her again, and then, without another word we walked down the hall and into the bedroom where everyone was waiting to say goodbye to her human self, and see her transformed into a new, spectacular immortal.

I stood next to the bed as my family and the Denali sisters hugged her and whispered words of encouragement and support. Jessica stood back, not trusting herself to hug her friend, and I sympathized with the pained expression on her face and the burn in her throat.

When they were all finished, my family hugged me and wished me luck, and then everyone except Alice and Carlisle left the room, giving us some semblance of privacy.

Carlisle went over the final details. "When you bite her, you'll have to resist drinking or you'll simply suck your venom out."

_Sure. Resist drinking my singer whose blood will be in my mouth. Easy._

"Do I need to bite her?" I asked, nervous about my tenuous control. "Can't we just insert the needle?"

Carlisle shook his head. "Son, I have no idea how it would affect her if we just pumped that much venom straight into her heart. It could kill her. I know that James' technique was successful and relatively quick, so I'd rather do that than start experimenting at this late stage."

He was right. We just needed to do what would get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Listen to her heartbeat," Alice advised. "It will help you focus on her needs instead of your own."

I looked at Isabella.

_This is about her. What she needs. Not about me or my lust. It's about making the change as quick and painless as possible._

"After a few seconds of allowing the venom from your mouth to seep into the wound," Carlisle continued, "you can seal it and withdraw. As soon as it starts moving through her system, I'll inject her with morphine, and then you insert the cardiac needle."

I nodded. I had enough medical knowledge to be confident inserting the large needle into her heart, but the realization of how much pain that amount of venom would cause made me queasy.

"Okay, then," Carlisle said softly. "Bella? Are you ready to join our family?"

He smiled at her and she managed a nervous laugh. "Absolutely. I've never been able to tan anyway. Might as well have a go at sparkling."

She slipped off her robe revealing simple white underwear, and crawled onto the bed, lying in the middle and exhaling as she closed her eyes.

God, she was so beautiful.

I think I lost time looking at her because after a while Carlisle said, "Edward? Ready?"

"Yes." I quickly took off my shoes and lay down next her.

She turned to me, and although I could tell she was nervous, it was obvious that she wanted this. And me. And dear God, I wanted her in return.

I kissed her softly, touching her warm skin one last time.

"Are you going to miss me like this?" she whispered as she stroked my face. "Warm and soft? Ridiculously breakable?"

I swallowed my venom and nodded. "Yes. But what I lose will be far outweighed by what I'll gain: you. All of you. Forever."

She smiled and I kissed her again, burning her taste and smell and texture into my memory for all time.

I trailed my lips across her cheek and over her jaw, feeling her body respond to me despite her nerves.

"I love you," I whispered into her skin, kissing down her throat and sweeping her hair away from her shoulder, grazing my lips across the faint scar on her perfect neck "God, I love you so much."

Her scent filled my head, and for once I didn't swallow the accompanying venom. I let it flow. And when I couldn't resist any longer, I buried my teeth into her neck, opening up the old scar and groaning as her blood flooded my mouth, trying desperately not to swallow.

Isabella bucked in my arms, her survival instinct forcing her to try to get away from me, but I climbed on top of her and pressed her down into the bed, my natural instinct to incapacitate her overriding my desire to be gentle.

"Careful, Edward," Carlisle warned, but I could barely hear him. All I could hear was her blood, rushing through her body, spilling out of her neck, screaming to be inside of me. I groaned as I clamped my lips over the wound, and it took every ounce of control I'd ever cultivated not to drink; to simply let the blood flow as my venom seeped into her body.

_It's different this time. The taste is different, but still, so sweet. _

_Drink._

_No!_

_Yes._

_Not this time. Not ever again._

_This is the last time I'll taste her. The last time I'll hunger for her like this._

_Thank God._

"Okay, Edward," Carlisle said. "That's enough."

I moaned as I swallowed the blood in my mouth and licked the wound, cleaning off the excess blood with my tongue as I waited for the laceration to close. Isabella groaned softly and I moved my body weight off of her, smoothing her hair back and already hating the look of discomfort on her face.

"Are you okay?" I asked, stroking her cheek.

"It hurts," she whispered. "God, Edward, it hurts so much."

Carlisle came over and injected her with the morphine, and almost immediately her face relaxed. She opened her eyes blearily and looked at me, her eyelids heavy and tired.

"Here, Edward," Carlisle said, passing me the cardiac needle filled with my venom.

I sat up and positioned it at a forty-five degree angle, quickly pushing it through the multiple layers of tissue between her chest and heart. When I felt it enter her heart, I pushed the plunger and removed the needle, licking away the bead of blood that seeped out of the puncture wound.

For several long seconds, I watched Isabella as I listened to her heart pumping wildly, shooting the venom through her arteries, taking it to her organs... her limbs... her muscles. She twitched as her heart rate increased its frantic tempo, getting faster and more sporadic.

I looked at Carlisle. He was frowning and his mind was recalling all of his previous transformations. This was nothing like them..

"Carlisle?"

"Her heartbeat's too fast. It should be evening out by now."

"Maybe this is different because of the syringe. Maybe this happened to Jess."

"Maybe."

I looked back at Isabella who was now panting, her face contorted with pain despite the morphine, low groans echoing in her chest. "Edward... "

"I'm here."

"I can't... it hurts... too much."

I whispered words of comfort to her, trying to act as calm as possible while my inner self became hysterical, screaming that I should never have done this. That if anything went wrong it was my fault. Sobbing that it had to work because I couldn't live without her.

The minutes crawled by, and after an hour her heart rate was still alarmingly fast. Her breathing was wet and ragged, and every exhale carried a whimper of pain.

Suddenly, she turned onto her side, pulling her knees up to her chest and groaning loudly, and I watched in horror as she vomited.

"Carlisle!"

He quickly grabbed a bowl and held it under her mouth, catching the clear liquid expelling from her.

The smell hit us both at the same time and we exchanged a worried look.

"Carlisle -"

"I know."

"That's venom."

"I know."

"My venom."

"I know."

"The venom that's supposed to be turning her!"

"Dammit, Edward, I realize that! I don't know what's going on! Her heart rate is through the roof and it seems like... I think her body's rejecting the venom."

She arched her back off the bed, every muscle tight and rigid, the tendons in her throat pulling and straining, her heart thrumming impossibly faster.

"Carlisle! For God's sake, HELP HER! PLEASE!"

He looked at me, overflowing with regret.

"Son, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do."

And then, she started to scream.

...  
...

...

* * *

**Only two chapters to go now, sweet readers (plus epilogue). Thanks so much for sticking with me.**

**I'd**** love to hear your thoughts if you have the time.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	25. Plan B

**Update: May 29, 2011**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly, and she teaches me more than I could ever learn. Wait, that doesn't sound right...**

**My Sprinkle-Queen is Vican, and she's completely amazing.**

**Disclaimer: You know it by now.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 25 - Plan B**

To humans, immortality seems like the ultimate fantasy. To never age or die? To have unlimited time? To be immune to the plethora of frailties that humanity brings?

It all seems idyllic.

But living with immortality is something quite different.

To immortals, living forever is our curse. Even those of us who try to deny our innate savageness and fill our time with cultured pursuits can find the stagnation of being unable to change or grow something to be endured, not celebrated. Conversely, members of the Volturi, who claim to embrace all elements of their vampiric un-lives, have also been known to exhibit signs of restlessness and dissatisfaction.

To make matters worse, vampires don't even have the sweet escape of sleep to alleviate our tedium. We no longer surf the subconscious slipstream of desire and ambition. For the most part, we can have whatever we desire. If we want blood, we take it. It we want sex, humans are more than willing to give it to us. Money? Easy.

The only thing that doesn't come easily to us is love. In that, we're just as miserably desperate as humans. Even the most bestial vampire will long for a partner, for although sex fulfills a physical urge, the need to _mate_is quite different. Mating is something as deep-seated in our personas as our need for blood, and even though we can survive without it, endless solitude is as frustrating to a vampire as it is for a human. At our core, we're not meant to be alone. No matter how much we like to think we don't need or want companionship, some part of us does. Desperately.

Before I discovered Isabella, thoughts about finding my mate consumed me. My dreamless days and nights were filled with fantasies about the woman I longed for. How she'd fill the huge void in my life. How the sick yearning inside me would finally be fulfilled.

But as often as I've fantasized, and as amazing as I'd made my faceless mate, she was nothing compared to the reality of Isabella. As a woman, she was beyond compare, and as a vampire, she would have been one of the most formidable creatures to inhabit this planet.

Isabella was so much more than I could possibly have dreamed of. And now, all my waking fantasies were about her.

Regardless of our future, I felt certain my waking dreams would always be of her.

...  
I gazed at her across the clearing, the carcass of her first kill lying at her feet, a thick stream of fresh blood trailing down her chin and neck.

She was the most glorious creature I'd ever seen.

The sunlight reflected off her skin in countless prismatic rays as she stared at me, and even through the bright crimson of her newborn eyes, I could see her lust for me. Her absolute, bone-deep need.

The euphoria of feeding was heightening her physical desires, and knowing that she wanted me in same feral, animalistic way I'd wanted her for all these months, only made my lust spike to new unbearable levels.

She finally knew how it felt. The aching compulsion. The tight muscle-drawn craving.

She was finally and completely part of my world.

In a second, she was in front of me, gazing at me hungrily, her fingers puncturing the fabric of my shirt, shredding it in seconds.

"You have too many clothes on."

She grabbed my head and yanked it down, kissing me savagely. Kissing me like she'd forgotten what I tasted like. Kissing me so hard it hurt.

I wanted her to hurt me. Lord knew I'd hurt her enough. She needed to punish me for everything I'd put her through.

I kissed her back with equal fervor, and although elements of her taste and smell were similar to her human self, they only inspired one type of desire in me, and it wasn't bloodlust.

It staggered me to finally be free of my soul-deep blood-ache. To be able to run my hands across her skin without wanting to tear it open. No man had ever been so grateful as I was right then.

Our movements were a blur of lips, tongues, and teeth, and I moaned in satisfaction at finally being able to express my full passion for her without restraint. To be able wrap my arms around her and crush her against me without worrying about delicate bones and paper-thin skin. Able to finally claim her in the most primal way possible.

As an equal.

I kissed down her chin and throat, licking away the blood as I went, wrapping my hand in her hair and tugging her head back, exposing her long, creamy throat. She grunted and gripped my shoulders, pulling the remains of my ruined shirt off as she explored my body with rough hands and sharp fingernails.

It had been so long since I'd touched her like this. I needed it. All of her.

When I reached her chest I tore open her dress and bra in a single movement, my palms hungry for the weight of her breasts. She moaned as I palmed them and closed my mouth around her left nipple, squeezing harder as she grabbed my hair and pulled me closer.

"God... Edward... "

Yes.

I wanted her to say my name, as her lover and sire. The man who was going to spend eternity bringing her boundless pleasure.

Putting both hands on my chest she shoved me hard, catapulting me back into a large pine. The bark splintered around me as she advanced, tearing off the rest of her clothes as she went, supremely confident as she prepared to take me as she saw fit. The look in her eyes was fierce and bestial, and for a moment she didn't look like my Isabella at all.

When she reached me she fisted the waistband of my jeans, ripping them off impatiently before falling to her knees and gripping my erection.

"Jesus! Bella! Newborn strength, remember?"

She loosened her grip and smiled up at me, looking less than sheepish as she stroked me firmly, making me grit my teeth to stop a slew of expletives and wanton moans. I curled my fingers into the bark behind me as her hand brought me the pleasure I'd been craving for months, my whole body wired and anxious, needing as much of her as she was willing to give.

I watched in dumbstruck wonder as she slowly licked my length, making my eyes roll back in my head as the expletives and moaning refused to be denied.

"Fuck, Bella... yes."

She put her mouth all over me, something I'd been dreaming about since I'd met her, and any expectations I'd had of what it would feel like were completely put to shame. I was a mess of raging hormones and unrestrained pleasure as she took me deep into her and sucked gently.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I leaned my head back against the tree and just lost myself in what she was doing. Living in her light touches and wet suction. In the small noises of satisfaction she made as she quickly brought me to the brink of climax.

And when I couldn't stand one more second without being inside her, I grabbed her waist and lifted her, pressing her back against the tree and wrapping her legs around me as I pushed into her, groaning in relief as I seated myself in her exquisite, perfect body.

I paused to savor the satin-slick feel of her, but she was impatient, and begged me to move, in a soft desperate voice.

I moved languorously, reveling in every sensation of my new Bella; listening to her noises, feeling the contraction of her muscles and the texture of her skin. Being inside her was indescribable, so much more than just sex. Mating was my way of showing her things that words were inadequate describing. Things like intimacy, love, destiny. To me, Isabella was all of them and so much more, and even as she urged me faster, I did it with reluctance, because I never wanted it to end.

The sound of Jasper's tortured groan as he entered the room snapped me out of my fantasy.

"Edward... come on, man. Whatever the hell you're thinking about, please stop. Even outside I can feel what you're projecting, and Alice is still out hunting with Jess. You're killing me here."

I lifted my head from where it rested on Isabella's hand, and opened my eyes.

"Sorry, Jas."

"Fantasizing about Bella as a vampire?"

I laughed bitterly. "Yes. How did you know?"

"Pretty sure it's not the first time," he said, shrugging. "Won't be the last."

He walked over and sat in the chair next to me, looking a Isabella's unconscious body and frowning.

"How is she?"

"As well as can be expected, considering she spent a large portion of last night screaming in pain."

"And when she wakes up?"

I looked back at her serene face. "She'll still be human."

"So that's it then? There's nothing else we can do?"

I shook my head. "When she started rejecting the venom, Carlisle bit her to see if injecting his would make a difference, but it didn't. The wolf-blood did something to her. Changed her cellular structure. Carlisle's taken some tissue and blood samples to try and figure things out but... he's pretty sure there's nothing that can be done."

I stroked Isabella's too-warm hand, and looked at her, so beautiful despite her fast, panting breaths.

"I'm sorry, bro," Jasper said quietly. "We all wanted her to become part of the family. Alice particularly. I've never seen her this devastated about anything. Still, it's nothing next to what you're feeling, I suppose."

I swallowed and tried to push back the wave of crushing disappointment that had been building since I'd accepted that she wasn't going to be turned. I had to fight it, because if I dwelled on it, I'd go insane. Accepting that none of my fantasies about vampire-Isabella would come true was almost more than I could bear, but there was one thought that kept me going; the kernel of an idea that had begun to gestate in my brain since last night. I was sure that if I fully contemplated it, Alice would likely beat me viciously, but I couldn't shake it. I needed to speak to Carlisle. To see if it was even possible.

If it was, making it happen would be the most dangerous thing I'd ever attempted, not only for me, but for my entire family. And yet, if it worked... if I survived... it would mean a miraculous second chance for Isabella and me.

"Can you watch her for a while?" I asked, looking at my brother.

"Sure."

"Carlisle said she'll be out for another few hours but... "

Jasper brought his chair closer to the bed and took her hand from me. I relinquished it grudgingly.

'It's cool, Edward," he said, smiling. "You can have it back later. I'll call you if she wakes up."

"Thanks, Jas." I stood and looked down at her once more, hating to have to leave. "I'll be back soon."

I hurried downstairs to the basement where I knew I'd find Carlisle, and I quickly ran through some of the strategies I wanted to discuss with him. Unfortunately, I found Alice as well, and judging from her thoughts, she wasn't happy with me. At all.

_Guess the hunting trip is over early._

"No," she said firmly, blocking my path as I came down the stairs. "Don't even think about it."

"Alice... "

"No, Edward. I know you're upset about Bella, but you can't. Please."

"Alice, I have to at least try.."

"NO! You don't! It'll kill you!"

"We don't know that."

"Yes we do!"

Carlisle stepped forward and held up his hands.

"All right, you two, what's going on? Please remember some of us aren't psychic or prescient."

Alice spun around to face our father.

"He wants to commit suicide," she said bitterly. "He wants to inject himself with wolf-blood and try to become human again. Tell him it won't work, Carlisle. Tell him!"

Carlisle looked at me, his brows furrowing.

"Don't look so shocked, Carlisle," I said, sighing. "I know you've considered the possibility. Why else would you have continued carrying out your experiments even after James was dead?"

"Of course I've considered it," he admitted, "but son, there's nothing to suggest that the wolf-blood is able to... cure vampirism. Its regenerative properties are remarkable, yes, but you're talking about reanimating flesh that has been inert for nearly a century. One doesn't consider that sort of thing without irrefutable evidence, and I can't give you that."

"But you've performed dozens of experiments on Tanya's hand, and James's body parts."

"Yes."

"And are the results for reanimation consistent?"

"Yes, they are, but those are body _parts_, Edward. They're not a whole body. They're muscles and tissues, not organs and bodily fluids."

"But you can hypothesize what would happen to a vampire body."

"Well, yes... "

"Then hypothesize this: you inject my heart with wolf-blood, regenerating the giant muscle and causing it to restart. It then pumps the blood around my body, bringing the dead cells back to life, revitalizing the organs and skin, re-awakening the systems. When it's moved through the entire body, we then transfuse me with human blood. Now hypothetically speaking, that could work, right?"

He sighs. "Yes, it could, but Alice is right - it could also kill you. Not to mention that even if it did work, the pain of the transformation would be beyond comprehension. You and I have both experienced the agony of wolf-blood. It makes the burn of our venom seem like a mosquito bite."

"I don't care about the pain. I just need to be with her."

"Son, you know how sorry I am about Bella's change, but this idea is reckless in the extreme. Never mind the fact that even if I was crazy enough to let you try it, we have no way to actually get any wolf-blood. As far as the Quileutes are concerned, we're public enemy number one right now, remember? I highly doubt they'd be willing to donate their blood to us."

"I could talk to them," I said. "Try and smooth things over. Plead my case."

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Alice piped up behind me. "Not only do you want to try something that could kill you in the most painful way imaginable, but you also want to go and talk to the large group of giant vampire-killing wolves who currently want to tear your skin from your bones?"

"Alice, I have to do something."

"Then do something else! Anything else! Not this!"

Her mind was a mess of images: me being injected and screaming in agony, alternating with the wolves tearing me to pieces, but the flashes were indistinct and grainy, unlike her usual visions, and I knew the dark shadows were due to having the wolves involved. The uncertainty of how the wolf-blood would affect me was fueling her anger. If she could see a positive outcome, she wouldn't be this fired up.

"You could die, Edward," she said, her eyes more scared than I'd ever seen. "I know you want to find a way to be with Bella, but this could kill you, and then where would that leave her? Or me."

"Al... "

"I can't lose you, big brother. I really... seriously... can't. Ever. Please say you'll forget about it. Please."

"Alice, this might be the only real chance I have, and I can't go on with her as a human and me as a vampire. That's the reason she wanted to change. It's the same reason I want to. Now, unless I can talk the wolves into cooperating, this is all a moot point, but I have to try. I'm sorry."

"Carlisle?"

"What do you expect me to do, Alice?"

"Stop him! Tell him you won't let him do it."

"If it was Jasper wanting to change for you, would you feel the same way?"

"Yes! Becoming a vampire is one thing. It's been happening for thousands of years. Trying to revert to being human is something that's never been done before."

"Hypothetically, it could work."

"And hypothetically, my brother could turn into a mess of screaming hybrid body parts and die!"

From upstairs I heard Jasper say, "Edward, I think Bella's coming around. You'd better get up here. Alice, let's go for a walk, okay?"

Alice took a deep breath and blew it out, trying to calm herself.

"I can tell you one thing," she said, pointing at me. "When Bella hears about this, you're going to get your ass handed to you."

Then with a rush of air, she was gone.

...

My family and the Denali sisters decided to give me some privacy for Isabella's awakening, and by the time I got back upstairs, they'd all left the house.

I was grateful.

Having to face Isabella's disappointment about the change would be hard enough, let alone the conversation about me wanting to become human. I had to admit to being concerned about how she might react. Sure, I may be an indestructible member of the undead, but let's be real: when my girlfriend got angry, she was scary as hell.

I took a deep nervous breath as her fingers twitched in my hand, her breathing changing as she regained consciousness. Stroking her hair and forehead, I waited for her to open her eyes. Her skin was still too warm and her heartbeat too fast, but she was vastly improved from last night.

An image of her during the attempted change popped into my mind; one in which she was writhing in pain. It made my skin crawl. When she'd started to scream, I'd thought I was losing her. I had been convinced that my venom was going to stop her heart and that I'd never get her back. The two hours it took to purge the venom from her system were the longest of my existence, and if Carlisle hadn't been there to calm me, I think I would have destroyed the room out of anxiety and frustration.

When the majority of the venom was gone, she'd still been in so much pain that Carlisle had given her a shot of morphine to knock her out. I just hoped the venom mixing with the wolf-blood didn't have any permanent side-effects.

I looked down at her, so beautiful but still tragically frail, and my body ached for her in a way that reminded me it had been far too long since I'd held her in my arms.

Eventually, she began opening her eyes and I leaned forward, clutching her hand and placing my elbows on the edge of the bed.

"Isabella?"

"Hmmmm."

She sighed and opened her eyes, blinking several times as she slowly turned toward me.

"Hey," I said softly. "Welcome back."

She closed her eyes again and rolled her neck, before looking at me and frowning.

"Hey." Her voice was raspy, and I kissed her hand as she tried to focus on my face.

"How are you feeling?"

She swallowed thickly and ran her tongue around her teeth. "I feel like I've been run over by truck. Were you this sore after your transformation?"

_Oh, God._

I struggled to find the right words, to let her down easily.

"Isabella... about the change..."

She narrowed her eyes in confusion. "You know, I thought I'd feel different. Like... hungry or something. I mean, I am kind of hungry, but for human food. Like Doritos and guacamole. Or maybe fried chicken. Shouldn't I be craving blood?"

Her words were slurring a little, but I knew it was just the remnants of the morphine.

"Bella... "

She put her hand over her heart, pressing it into her chest before looking at me in alarm.

"Edward?"

"I know."

"Why is it still... ? It's supposed to have stopped, isn't it? Why is it still beating?"

"Bella... " I cupped her face and made her look at me. She blinked slowly and frowned. "The change didn't work. Your body metabolized the wolf-blood in a way that made your cells resistant to my venom. It... you can't... "

"No..."

"Bella, listen -"

"But the pain... "

"Sweetheart -"

"I went through all that pain, Edward. It felt like I was on fire. I should be a vampire."

"I know, but... you can't be turned."

Just saying the words gutted me. The part of me that was still in denial wanted to bite her again, a dozen times over; to pump her so full of venom she'd have no choice but to change. But the logical part of me knew it wasn't her choice to make. The wolf-blood that brought her back to me had ironically ensured she could never be like me, and as much as it killed me to accept that, I had to.

Her eyes became less bleary as she stared at me in disbelief.

"But, I don't... I mean, how? I don't understand. You bit me... and the needle... "

"Your body purged all of my venom from your system. Carlisle bit you as well. It didn't make any difference."

"I... purged the venom? Edward, what the hell? How is that even possible?"

Her face flushed as her frustration levels grew, and the scent of her blood was thick in the air.

"Bella, I know this is hard to comprehend... "

"Hard to comprehend? This is freaking ridiculous! How the hell did I 'purge' your venom?"

"Don't you remember vomiting?"

"No... I... I just remember the pain... the burning. Wait. You injected the venom into my heart. How did I end up vomiting?"

I ran my hand through my hair. "Isabella, the bodily fluids from two mythical creatures were fighting for control of your body. It's safe to say the laws of traditional biology had completely left the building by that point."

She sighed and looked down at our intertwined hands, and although she didn't let herself cry, I could smell the saltwater."I just thought with all of that pain... that it would all be worth it when I woke up and was... you know... unbreakable. Like you. That we could finally be together."

"I know," I whispered. "That's what I wanted too."

I wanted to comfort her, but I was aware that I was watching the pounding artery in her neck without meaning to. As I sucked in a quick breath to collect myself, she looked at me suddenly, and I wasn't sure if I read intense relief or disappointment on her face.

"So, I can't be turned?"

"No."

"Ever?"

I shook my head and sighed, swallowing my disappointment with the excess venom.

"No."

"So that's it then? We just... what? Stay together like this, and wait for you to kill me again?"

There it was. The only other available option. The reason my plan absolutely had to work.

If it came down to a choice between risking my life or hers, I was going to make damn sure it was mine.

I looked into her eyes and stroked her hand gently. "There may be another way." For some reason I found it hard to look at her as I explained myself, so instead I looked at our hands. "The wolf-blood... it can regenerate dead tissue." She squeezed my hand tighter. "If we could get enough of it, we may be able to... " Tighter squeeze. "If we injected it into my heart, there may be a chance that... " Even contemplating the process made my entire body churn with fear and wild hope. "Bella, there's a chance that it could transform me. Bring me back to life."

I chanced a look at her, and she stared at me for long seconds, her gaze raking over my face, possibly searching for signs I was kidding.

I wasn't.

"You're serious."

"Very."

"You think that the wolf-blood can make you... human?"

"It's possible."

"How possible?"

"I don't know."

"What would happen if it didn't work?"

"Perhaps, nothing. It could just be that I'd purge the blood just as you purged the venom. I could go back to being exactly as I am and we've lost nothing."

"Or... ?"

She stared at me expectantly, and I knew I couldn't lie to her about the risks. She deserved to know.

"Or... if things go wrong... "

She swallowed and whispered, "You could die, couldn't you?"

"It's possible."

She shook her head and threw back the blankets, getting out of bed and striding over to the windows. "No."

"Isabella... "

She walked to the bookcases and back again, looking at me with pure panic. "No, Edward. I'd rather risk dying again than lose you. I can't. At least if we stay like this we'll have some time together."

"Limited time," I said, walking over to her as she paced the width of the room. "Time in which every moment I'm with you is a gamble that I'll lose control again. Time I can barely kiss you, let alone make love to you. Time I can hardly concentrate on what you're saying because I'm fantasizing about drinking your blood."

"I'll take all of that over the possibility of not having you at all."

I held her shoulders to stop her from pacing, and looked down at her, cupping her face.

"Bella," I said, trying to find the words that would convince her, "I know that this option is risky, but at this stage, I'm willing to try anything, and unfortunately for us, we don't have any easy choices left. And if it works... God, if it works?" I stepped forward, so close that her body heat seeped through my clothes. So close that I knew I should step away. "Imagine what would happen. The two of us - free from hunger and death and bloodlust. We could just... be... together." I stroked her face and listened to her heart beat faster, her skin flushing under my touch. "We could grow old together. Live ordinary, finite lives. I could squeeze you without breaking you. Kiss you without wanting to kill you."

I leaned down and kissed her gently, groaning as I felt a spasm of hunger. Pulling back, I looked into her eyes, and I knew she could tell how important this was to me.

"If it works," I said, "I'll have the chance to live again. Truly live. With you. Do you have any idea what that would mean to me? To us? I want to love you how you should be loved: without fear or pain or death."

She put her hand on my chest, the pulse in her palm thudding faintly against me. I could almost feel an echo of it inside me, like a spark waiting to ignite. I wanted that spark of life, firing in my cells and pulsing in my arteries. I wanted it so badly my dormant heart ached for it.

She swallowed as she stroked my chest. "Edward, I saw what just a tiny bit of that blood did to Carlisle. The thought of you injecting _pints_of it into yourself? Of you going through all that pain - "

"You just went through it for me."

"That was different."

"How?"

"Because it was supposed to be the answer to all our problems. But it seems like, as far as obstacles go, we have an unending supply."

"I know. But this? Maybe... God, Bella, just maybe all of the other obstacles were leading to this possible solution. That's the thing that keeps going through my mind. That I'm _meant_to do this. To have a second chance at humanity."

She stared at me, thinking, and despite the fear that I still saw in her eyes, there was also the tiniest flicker of hope. It wasn't enough to make her comfortable about the risks involved, but enough to not discount the idea completely.

"Why can't anything just be easy for us?" she asked with a sigh. "Why is it always life and death? Why couldn't I have been born a hundred years earlier, or you a hundred years later. Why couldn't we have met in college like regular people? Why can't we just be together without either of us having to go through devastating amounts of pain and torment?"

"Isabella," I said, cupping her face, "I love you. Against all odds of God, nature, and probability, I love you. I know our courtship has been less than traditional, but... despite the hows and wheretofores of our absolute need for each other, it's real and undeniable, and I will endure endless pain or hellfire if it means I have a chance of keeping you. When you demanded to undergo the change so we could be together, I thought you were the bravest person I'd ever known. _Would_ever know. To willingly accept all of that pain and risk? That was the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. Well... now it's my turn. Let me be brave for us. Please. Let me prove how much I love you. Let me do this."

She still seemed frightened. I understood that having the courage to watch your lover risk their life was just as difficult as risking it. Maybe more so, because if they died, it took even more courage to go on without them.

"Bella, I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make sure this works. I promise you."

She stared at her hand on my chest as her fingers contracted, pressing into my skin, lending me her warmth. "I know you will... I just can't... " Her eyes were full and wet when she looked back up at me. "Edward... if you died, I... I can't even imagine living without you. I don't think I could."

"You won't have to," I whispered, trying to calm my own fears as well as hers. "This is going to work, and when I come through the other side, I'm going to make love to you until we can't stand up. I'll lick every part of your body and not care if my teeth graze your skin. I'll... God, I'll get a job. And sweatpants, and I'll learn to cook, and... shave... and, drink beer and belch."

She half-laughed, half-sobbed. "I really can't imagine you belching."

"Well, you'd better start," I said, wiping her tears away. "Who knows what's going to happen when my ancient digestive system starts working again. I could be completely disgusting."

"I sincerely doubt that."

She swallowed and tried to smile, and I knew that she had resigned herself, even if she didn't want to.

I kissed her forehead, then her cheek, and then her lips, and she stared at my face like she was memorizing it.

I kissed her again, trying to reassure her. "Bella, please, don't think about what could go wrong. Think about everything that could go _right_. The life we'll have if it works. _When _it works."

_Please God, let it work._

She touched my face, trailing her fingers across my forehead, then over my temple and down my cheek. "This is our last chance, isn't it?"

I brought her palm up to my mouth and kissed it gently. "Unfortunately, yes."

She put her arms around my neck and looked me square in the eyes, her fear transforming into cautious determination.. "Then we'd better make sure it works, because I refuse to lose you."

A huge wave of gratitude, fear, and anticipation washed over me.

"Don't worry," I said, sounding braver than I felt. "I refuse to be lost."

I leaned down and kissed her gently, and as usual my whole body ignited in need. I swallowed my venom as she kissed me back, cautiously passionate, and I wondered how different it would feel to experience my crushing lust for her in a body that was thrumming with life instead of death.

"Will you still want me when I'm all warm and soft," I whispered, looking down at her. "When I smell different?"

Her heart pounded as she stared at me, trailing her hands down my chest. "Edward, first of all, I don't think you'll ever be 'soft', and second of all, I don't love you because you're a vampire. I love you in spite of it Having you as a regular, ordinary man? I can't think of anything I want more."

She kissed my chest, and I moaned, the need to mate with her... to show her exactly what she meant to me, was becoming impossible to deny.

"Well," I said, my voice low and unsteady, "judging from how you've metabolized the wolf-blood, I wouldn't exactly be an 'ordinary' man. I'd probably still be slightly stronger... faster... "

"That's good too," she said breathlessly as I walked her back toward the bed, the bra and panties she was wearing suddenly too much clothing.

We kissed again, passionately, and I knew she wanted me as desperately as I wanted her, the prospect of possible impending death pushing us to the limit of our restraint.

"Should we stop?" she asked, tentatively touching my stomach.

"Yes," I said, swallowing my venom.

"Are we going to?"

"Hell, no."

I kissed her again, gripping my control with steel talons.

She pulled back and climbed onto the bed, pushing herself back and watching me standing above her with hungry eyes.

"Are you sure this is okay?" she asked, more hopeful than nervous.

"Take your bra off," I ordered gently.

She obeyed immediately, and for the first time in months, I gazed upon her beautiful breasts.

"Now it's okay," I said, crawling onto the bed and hovered over her. "Just let me... try this. I'll stop when it gets too intense."

"Okay."

I lowered my pelvis and we both inhaled as our bodies' need for each other became immediately desperate; my hardness against her softness, both of us needing more than we were able to have. I kissed her again, more forcefully, tasting her mouth and tongue greedily, knowing my time was limited and intent on making the most of it.

_Just a few minutes. I just need to have her like this for a few short minutes before reality comes crashing back in. Please, God, just let me._

I brought my hand up to her breasts and groaned over their remarkable softness. I wanted to bury my face in them and suck on her nipples roughly. I wanted to tear off the plain white panties she wore and finally exhale as I pushed inside her. I wanted to do so many things to her... for her. All the things my body had been screaming about for months. Watching her face as I brought her the pleasure she so deserved.

_My lover. My mate. My Isabella._

But even as she tugged my shirt over my head and ran her hands across my shoulders, I knew we had to stop. It was too much, and the beast was feeding on the sensation overload. I'd be damned if I'd let him hurt her again.

Pulling my mouth away from her, I clamped my jaw shut, my naked chest pressed against her breasts, creating a new almost impossible-to-resist layer of lust in my desperate body. I dropped my head to her shoulder and exhaled as she froze beneath me, acutely aware of the signs of my blood-struggle.

I kissed her one last time before crawling off the bed with a groan of frustration and moving to the other side of the room. For good measure I opened the window and shoved my head outside, taking in several lungfuls of cold air, letting the smell of the nearby pines purge some of her scent.

When I looked back at Isabella she'd put her bra back on and had donned a white robe. She sat on the bed and watched me, wary and ready to flee.

I hated that.

"Is it more difficult to control your bloodlust since... ?"

_Since I tasted the world's most delicious blood?_

"Yes."

She nodded and tried to smile. "Damn me for being so tasty, huh?"

_No, sweetheart, damn God for making you that way._

"Bella," I said, exhaling heavily, "I can't wait until I can touch you without wanting to eat you."

"Yeah, me too, because this whole 'not being able to have sex with you' deal? Sucks. Seriously."

Sighing, I walked over and sat on the bed, trying to stop my mind from fixating on all the ways I wanted to eat her, sexual and otherwise.

"So," she said, grabbing a pillow and hugging it, keeping a sensible distance between us, "what do we do now? Do you have a plan?"

I shrugged. "The first order of business is to talk to the Quiluetes. Without their help, this whole thing is just a pipe-dream."

"The wolves will never agree to give you blood," she said, picking at the edge of the pillowcase.

I nodded. "I know it's unlikely, but if I can just get them to listen to me, I might be able to convince them."

She turned away as she said, "You might have a chance of convincing Jacob."

The ambiguity of her statement immediately put me on edge.

"Why?"

"I've... ah... well, after you left... " She sighed and looked at me. "Jake and I have spoken a few times since I... you know... died. He even came to see me in Port Angeles a few weeks after it happened."

A spike of violent jealousy hit me, and I immediately felt bad, because if it wasn't for Jacob, Carlisle wouldn't have had enough wolf-blood to bring her back. Still, the thought of him seeing her when I couldn't made me irrationally angry.

"Well, that's interesting," I said, feigning nonchalance appallingly. "And how is the giant Labrador?"

Isabella smirked. "He's fine. Just as bad as covering up his rabid jealous streak as you are, apparently."

"I'm sorry," I said, grabbing my shirt and pulling it over my head, "but to be fair, he is my mortal enemy. Plus, he used to see you naked. I can't help my visceral instinct to kill him. Why did he come to see you?"

"Because unlike a certain undead emo-vamp, who shall remain nameless, he saw me die and wanted to see if I was okay."

My ever present-guilt prickled, but as I was preparing to apologize again, Isabella waved her hand. "Oh, forget about it. I'm teasing. I've forgiven you. Kind of. But don't expect me to stop torturing you with it anytime soon. I figure it's my right."

I stared at her. "You do realize that your teasing is painfully arousing, right?"

"Yes."

"And that we can't do anything to relieve the ache of my ridiculous erection?"

"Well, I could tell you that Jacob said he still loves me and wants me to leave you so he and I can be together again. That might help turn you off."

I looked down at my rapidly deflating member. "You're right. That did help. Now, about my murderous anger... "

She smiled, and it made me realize that I hadn't seen her do that for a long time.

"As if you have anything to worry about," she said, looking at me with more love and commitment than I deserved. "He was just trying to show me that I had options. That if I stayed human I could be with him. But by the end of our conversation, he understood. I don't have an option. You're it for me, no matter how difficult it is or how much it drives him crazy. I don't have a choice."

That calmed me down and made me content to know her feelings mirrored my own. "So then, what makes you think he'll entertain the idea of donating his blood?"

She hugged the pillow tighter. "Because... I'm going to explain to him that it's my last chance to be with the man that I love, and that if he cares about me at all, he'll help make that happen."

...

Half an hour later, Isabella was still on the phone with Jacob. She'd gone from asking, to pleading, to yelling, and back again, and the evil part of me just wanted to run to La Push and take his blood forcibly, permission be damned.

When Isabella started crying and begging, I'd had enough, and held my hand out for the phone. She gave it to me grudgingly and shot me a warning look. I tried to calm my anger as I held it up to my ear.

"Jacob. It's Edward."

There was silence for a moment, and then he said, "You're really a piece of work, aren't you, leech? It's not bad enough that you murder the woman you claim to love, and _abandon_her, but then you ask her to do your dirty work about this ridiculous Frankenstein scheme? You're freaking unbelievable."

"Look, Jacob," I said, summoning every ounce of patience I possessed, "I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did to Isabella. I'm certainly never going to forgive myself. But you have a chance to do something for her that no one else can. She's chosen to be with me, for better or for worse, and if this transformation works, then she can be with a man, not a monster. Surely that's what you want for her, right?"

"Actually," he said, "what I want is for her to realize that you're a murderous, bloodthirsty asshole and come back to me, but I guess that's just not going to happen."

I sighed. Ninja exsanguination was looking better and better.

Maybe I could put this into terms that even he could understand.

"Okay, look, Jacob, I'll make you a deal. If you agree to donate your blood, one of three things will happen: Option one - if it fails and I remain a vampire, I'll go away. For Isabella's safety, I'll leave her alone and never come back." Isabella made a noise, but I held up my hand to calm her. I had no intention of ever leaving her, but he didn't need to know that. "Option two - if it works and I become human... well, you can punch me in the face and break my nose. I wouldn't be able to stop you, and I certainly wouldn't be strong enough to fight back." Again Isabella protested, but I ignored her. I was getting to the part of the deal I knew Jacob would find irresistible.

"Of course the third option is that your blood would kill me, and you'd be rid of me forever. Now, aren't any of those options appealing to you? Think about it. In two out of the three, I'm gone. Forever. In the other one, you get to beat me up. Surely you can't say no."

There was a long silence on the other end of the line, and Isabella stood in front of me, staring and frowning with concern. I bent down and kissed her, trying to allay her nervousness, as well as my own.

_Come on, Jacob. Please. Agree. I need this. For her._

Eventually Jacob said, "I'll call you back in a few minutes," and abruptly hung up. I looked at the phone in confusion.

"He hung up?" Bella asked.

"He said he'd call back."

She nodded and swatted my chest. "What the hell were you doing telling him that if it didn't work you'd leave me?"

"I was lying."

She raised her eyebrows. "Oh. Good. Kiss me."

I did, gladly, holding her as I waited for the phone call that could change my life. Literally.

Just as we were becoming more heated than I could handle, the phone rang, and I answered it quickly.

"Jacob?"

"Get your undead ass back to Forks," he said gruffly. "The council of elders wants to talk to you, and your family."

A prickle of apprehension ran up my spine. "Do you guarantee our safety if we return? I broke the treaty. You'd be within your rights to attack us."

"You'll be safe," Jacob said, "for the time being. The council will hear what you have to say and then make a decision."

"About whether to give me the blood or not?"

"Yes. Among other things."

A huge wave of gratitude washed over me and I put my arm around Isabella and hugged her.

"Thank you, Jacob. My family and I will return to Forks as soon as possible. I'm grateful for what you've done."

"Don't be," he said roughly. "There's every chance that the council could decide to slaughter you all, and I'd be absolutely cool with that."

Then the line went dead.

...  
...

...

...

* * *

**Okay, so some of you probably want to beat me because Bella won't be becoming a vamp, but really, it's been done. A lot. I didn't think**** I could bring anything new to it. But Edward turning human? **_**That**_** I can have fun with (in a completely agonizing and gut-wrenching way.)**

**Hope you stick with these two to see how it all turns out.**

**If you want to curse or grope me (or both), come find me on Twitter.**

**Thank you so much for reading and taking this ride with me. ****I really do love you all.**

**Kiya x**


	26. Last Resort

**Update: June 25th, 2011**

**My beta-Goddess is Irritable_Grizzzly. She's my rock. Always.**

**My Sprinkle-Queen is Vican, ****and her dedication to WindowWard is truly special and greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer****: You know it by now.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 26 - Last Resort**

**Bella**

I stared out the window and watched the green-grey countryside pass by in blur as Esme and Carlisle talked quietly in the front seat of the car. My newly-heightened hearing helped me pick up more of their hushed conversation than I really wanted, but I tried not to listen as I leaned my head back, pushing down the anxiety attack that had been lingering at the edges of my psyche for nearly three days.

They were discussing all the things that could go wrong over the next few days, not just with the meeting with the Quileute council, but afterward as well. The likelihood that the wolves were going to agree to help us was slim, and if they refused to donate blood so that Edward could attempt to become human, Carlisle and Esme were scared about what he might do. His mood over the past couple of days as we'd headed back to Forks had vacillated between wildly hopeful and morbidly bleak, and as much as I'd tried to reassure him everything would be okay, I was pretty sure he'd picked up on my hollow conviction.

To be honest, I was having trouble convincing myself.

Even the best case scenario, in which the Quileute donated blood for this highly unlikely experiment, made me ridiculously tense, because I knew what a staggering amount of pain Edward would have to go through. And then, of course, there was absolutely no guarantee that it would work. The insidious thought that he may not survive circled my brain like a dark serpent, wrapping itself around and around, squeezing my optimism until I could barely breathe, showing me a future completely devoid of my main reason for living.

That vision made my heart falter and ache, because there was no way I could survive if he didn't. I absolutely couldn't.

It made me want to tell him 'no', and that I'd rather live with whatever time we had left together than risk losing him, but I knew he wouldn't abide by that decision. Realistically, if he lost control again, it was game-over for us anyway, and that seemed to be more a question of 'when', not 'if'. At least with the quest for humanity, there was a slight chance it might work.

_Too slight._

_Too much to lose._

_Too little time left in which to tell him all the things he means to me._

As I stared out the window, I caught blue flashes between the trees. It was Edward as he ran alongside us, a few yards back from the road. After we'd crossed the Canadian border, he said he wanted to run to clear his head, expel some of his nervous tension, but I knew he needed to get out of the car for a while to purge his bloodlust. It must have been torturous to be trapped in this small space with my scent. Even with the window down, he'd done well to last as long as he had.

We'd talked about how my scent had changed since ingesting the wolf-blood, but even with the faint sourness it now possessed, he still found it painfully appealing.

I hated that it kept us apart. With everything that was going on, I craved to be near him. To bury myself in his skin and smell, and have the calming perfection of making love to him.

It had been too long since we'd made love, and with all that had conspired to separate us in the past few months, I was desperate for the reassurance of being with him in an intimate way; to remind ourselves how perfect we were for each other, despite all of our trials. Specifically, to remind him that despite what he'd done to me, I loved him with all my body, soul, and heart, and didn't resent him for anything. Of course, I'd reassured him verbally many times, but I knew he didn't truly believe me. I longed to show him.

Nevertheless, we were still affectionate, touching and kissing as much as his control would allow, but it was never enough. For either of us. Our bodies didn't like to be denied, and they were intent on torturing us with constant and insistent arousal.

As much as his control was always tested around me, drinking my blood had flipped a switch inside him that could never be undone. All of the expectations he'd had about how I would taste were blasted into insignificance by the reality of the act, and now, anything and everything that wasn't me made him nauseated. He'd been hunting more to try and alleviate his blood-sickness, but it didn't seem to be helping. Irina said she experienced similar symptoms after she drank her singers, and hinted that for her, it had lasted several years.

Edward shrugged it off, but I knew it only fueled his determination for the wolf-blood miracle to work.

_Dear God, please let it work. Don't take him from me. Please._

I sighed, and Esme turned to look at me.

"Bella? Are you all right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, fine. Just tired, I guess."

"Well, we're almost home. Then you can catch up on some sleep. We don't need to meet with the Quileute until tomorrow night. I know Edward isn't keen for you to come. He thinks it'll be too dangerous."

"I'm coming," I said firmly, keeping my eyes on the blur of blue outside my window. "There's no way I'm not going to be there."

_I know you can hear me, Edward. I'm coming._

"That's what I told him," Carlisle said, looking over his shoulder and smiling. "If there's anyone on this planet more stubborn than my son, it's you. I also think you should be there. This decision is going to be as much about you as it is about Edward. I just hope the Quileute see it that way."

"They will," I said with more determination than optimism. "We're going to make sure of that."

We fell into silence for the rest of the trip, and a huge wave of relief flooded me as the Cullen house came into view, framed by the lengthening shadows of sunset. The car had barely stopped when my door was being yanked open and Edward appeared, holding out his hand to help me from the car. I stepped into his arms and hugged him, oblivious to his protests that he was too wet and cold.

"I don't care," I said, squeezing him and sagging against his chest. "I can always get warm and dry."

He held me silently as the other cars pulled up. Alice, Jasper, and Jessica climbed out of one, and Rose, Emmett, Irina and Kate, emerged from the other. They all unpacked the cars around us, chatting quietly amongst themselves and ignoring the needy human clinging like a limpet to her creature-of-the-night boyfriend.

When they'd all gone inside, Edward sighed and pulled back, looking down at me with regretful eyes. "I have to hunt."

I didn't mean to pout, but I could definitely feel my lips purse. "Okay."

"I'll be a quick as I can. Why don't you get something to eat and get some rest? I'll be back soon."

"Run fast."

"I will."

"Drink something big and filling."

"I will."

"Then sprint back to your clingy girlfriend."

"I absolutely will."

"Wait, are you saying I'm clingy?"

"No. You're saying that. I'm just agreeing."

"Oh. All right then."

He tightened his arms around me and bent to whisper in my ear, "I like you clingy. Clingy totally works for me."

I could feel his body reacting to me, and inevitably, I reacted in response. My heart raced, and as hard as I tried, I couldn't stop myself from blushing.

"Most men find clingy women a turn-off," I said, running my hands across the damp fabric of his shirt.

"I'm not most men. Most men are idiots."

"That's true."

He kissed my cheek, then my ear, and then my neck. "Plus, I'm pretty sure you couldn't turn me off if you tried."

"Pretty sure I'd never want to."

"Good."

He inhaled and tensed, and I knew that whatever time his control allowed us was over.

"Go," I said, stroking his face. "I'll be waiting when you get back."

He swallowed several times before whispering, "I'm sorry. I love you."

His eyes clouded with a strange sort of concern that I'd seen far too often over the past few days, and it made me wonder what was going on in that beautiful head of his.

Before I could question him further, he leaned down and kissed me, his lips lingering just long enough to ignite my ever-simmering lust. With a grunt of frustration he pulled back and didn't look at me again before stepping back and running into woods behind the house.

"I love you too," I whispered.

...

An hour later, I'd eaten, showered, and was lying on the giant bed in Edward's room wrapped in a fluffy white robe. The sounds of classical piano filtered out of his extremely expensive stereo system, and even though I had no idea what it was, it made me want to close my eyes and listen.

The toll of the last few days of traveling non-stop and sleeping in the back of a car had apparently overtaken me, because I jolted awake sometime later, completely disorientated as to where I was, and why. When the blanket of confusion lifted, I realized that Edward was standing at the window, completely still, looking out into the woods. He was wearing pajama bottoms, but no shirt, and from the scent and steam coming from the bathroom, I figured he'd just showered.

"Hey," I said, blinking and clearing my throat as I sat up. "You're back. What are you doing?"

He looked over at me, seemingly surprised that I was awake, his face guarded but beautiful in the moonlight.

"Watching the snow. Come look."

The room was dimly-lit, but I could see perfectly well. His eyes were a strange reddish brown, the bright crimson of my blood fading more every time he hunted. He looked at me and smiled, but there was an underlying tension that made me nervous.

I climbed off the bed and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I lay my cheek against his bare chest. His skin was warmer than usual from the shower, and he smelled of citrus soap, but his body was tense, even more so than usual.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I melted against him, wanting so much to make whatever was troubling him go away.

"I'm fine," he said, exhaling but not relaxing. "Just thinking about a lot of stuff."

"Anything you want to share?"

"Not really. I just... I actually want to stop thinking about it for a while, if that's okay. I just want to hold you."

_As if I'm going to argue with that._

"Okay."

He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair as I gazed out of the window. It was a full moon, and even through the clouds, the edges of the forest were bathed in silver-grey, steady swirls of snowflakes curling and eddying down to the whitening ground.

"It's so pretty," I said, squeezing him tighter. "I love winter."

"Not much of it left now."

"No. Soon all the snow will thaw and everything will come alive again."

"I think that's my favorite time of the year: spring. Seeing the forest wake up. All the seeds and bulbs that have been frozen and dormant underground bursting into bloom again. It's amazing to witness."

We watched the snow fall silently for a few minutes, each of us lost in our thoughts about the coming days, but I could tell that he was getting more and more agitated. I stroked his back, trying to relax him enough to talk to me. Eventually he sighed and stepped away, my nearness and scent too much. He went to the other side of the room, opening the closet and disappearing inside for a few seconds before re-emerging with a small wooden box. He placed it on the bed and looked over at me.

"Would you like to see some pictures of my family?"

"Oh, the Cullen family snaps? Of course."

"No," he said, looking at the floor. "My human family."

_Oh._

"Yes. Please."

I walked over as he pulled out a crumbling sepia photograph and handed it to me. It showed a handsome couple, not smiling but looking happy anyway. The man was tall, like Edward, his brows heavy and his cheekbones high, and the lady had Edward's mouth and eyes, her beautifully thick hair pulled up into an intricate style. Looking at them I got unexpectedly emotional, because it made me understand how much he'd lost at such a young age. He didn't often speak of them, because by his own admission his memories of his human life were vague, but whenever he did, it was always with deep affection.

I looked up to see him staring intently at the photo, his brows knit in concentration.

"They look nice people," I said softly.

He brushed his fingers over his parents' faces. "They were. I just wish I could remember more about them. I know my mother loved music, and that was one of the reasons I learned to play the piano. And dad... well... I remember him telling me about the law and politics, and a whole lot of subjects that I had absolutely no interest in at the time, but because he always spoke about them with such passion and conviction, he completely enthralled me. I was proud to have him as my father."

Suddenly, his persistent tension made more sense.

"Have you been thinking about them recently?"

"Yes," he said, taking the photograph back and placing it in the box. He handed me another, this one of his parents and him. He was wearing a suit, standing tall and proud like his father. His mother was seated in front of him and his hand was on her shoulder. The proud, loving son.

He looked younger, maybe fourteen or fifteen, slightly lanky but still handsome. I smiled, seeing how serious he looked, his hair combed neatly and his brows set in a slight frown. He looked so different, but kind of the same. So young. So... innocent.

"The possibility of becoming human again..." he said, staring at his younger self, "... it's led me to think a lot about the path I've taken in my life. The things I've done. I kind of see becoming human as my final salvation, and yet I don't know if all the terrible crimes and sins I've committed during my existence will allow me salvation. Or if, in fact, I deserve it."

I placed the photo back in the box and turned to face him, resting my hands on his chest.

"Edward, with all you've been through in your life, I don't know anyone who deserves happiness more. Whatever penance was due because of your sins, you've paid it. Many times over. I have absolutely no doubt about that."

He walked over and sat on the leather couch, leaning his elbows on his legs and clasping his hands.

"I worry that I've forgotten," he said softly, like a confession. "Forgotten... how to be human. That I'll disappoint you. Turn out to be less than you expected. I mean, I know death. I'm good at that. I've had a century of practice. But life? That's something that's completely foreign to me. I've observed it so jealously for so long, that I don't know how I'll handle experiencing it. What if I'm a terrible human? Violent? Evil? Still tainted by the need to kill that's tortured my immortality? What if I turn out to be a murderer? Not because of _what_ I am, but _who_I am?"

"Edward, that's ridiculous."

"Is it? What if being a death-bringer is my destiny, no matter if my heart is beating or not?"

"I don't believe that. Not for one second."

I sat in front of him and took his hands, stroking them as he poured out all the fear that had been eating him up for the past few days.

"Bella, what if being human doesn't solve anything?" he asked, his voice hoarse. "I mean, I'm pinning all of my hopes on this working, but what if it does and I just end up hurting you all over again?"

He looked down at our hands and swallowed before continuing. "For so many years I thought that being a vampire meant I had no soul. That it got burned out of me during the change, and I thought that was why I craved blood so badly. I believed that every time I drank someone, I absorbed a little bit of _their_soul, hoping that one day I might have enough to make a new one. Like a patchwork quilt of life-essence. But that was the demented ramblings of a seventeen-year-old newborn trying to justify his habitual killing, and after a few decades I realized how ridiculous those thoughts were. As if a creature of destruction could ever regain something as precious and fragile as a soul. As if they deserved to."

"Edward, look at me." He raised his head and I stroked the side of his face, trying to find the words to reassure him. "You're an amazing, loving, passionate person. So is your father. So is your mother, and your sisters and brothers. Are you trying to tell me that none of you have souls?"

"That's what I used to believe."

"And what do you believe now?"

"Now... " He rubbed his face. "Now I have waking nightmares of all the people I've killed. I can recall every single one of them with absolute clarity. Their faces. Their final thoughts. The mental images of their loved ones and their final whispered pleas. And thinking about them makes me sick to my bones. All the lives I selfishly took. So many futures erased by the cut of my teeth. How could I have done that if I had a soul?"

"But they were bad people. People who hurt others."

"Yes, but it doesn't make the burden of their deaths any lighter. I still murdered them."

"In order to survive."

"No. I eat animals to survive. I could have survived on animals back then, but I chose not to. Killing those people... " He looked into my eyes, showing me the absolute regret there. "Bella, there was pleasure in it beyond their blood. Some kernel of sick satisfaction. Of dominance. Power. I don't think I've ever admitted that before, but I've been thinking about it a lot recently. Wondering if it came from the vampire part of me, or the man."

I sighed and leaned back on my heels. "Edward, that just proves that thousands of years of human evolution is somehow part of you. Do you have any idea how many animals are slaughtered every year by humans who hunt them in the name of 'sport'? They don't do it to survive. They do it because it makes them feel superior to the lesser beasts. It asserts their dominance. Makes them feel powerful. As a vampire, the instinct to hunt is part of your essence. Why wouldn't you feel satisfaction? It reinforces your position at the top of the food chain."

He looked at me for long seconds, and then pulled me toward him, cool arms wrapping around me as he kissed me, slow and sexy, wrapping his hands in my hair.

"Bella," he said in a low voice as he pulled back and stared at me, "how is it that I've been alive for so much longer than you and yet you're the one with all the wisdom? And how is it that you always know what to say to stop me from flagellating myself?"

He kissed me again, not even waiting for an answer, which suited me fine because there was no way I was currently capable of constructing a lucid sentence. Certainly not when his hands were on my body and his mouth was stripping away everything but him.

"I love you so much," he murmured between kisses, pulling me onto his lap. "And as guilt-ridden as my immortal life has been, I'd go through it all again if I had to, because obviously I had to become a vampire in order to find you, and that's worth a thousand lifetimes of misery."

He kissed me deeply as he untied my robe, cool fingers parting the thick fabric before grazing over my skin, trailing down the sides of my breasts, over my ribcage, and setting on my hips.

He leaned back and stared at me, his gaze traveling slowly over my body, making me shiver with all-consuming need. I could feel him, long and hard beneath me, and God, I wanted him. I wanted to slide down his pajama pants and see him. Take him in my hand and just... squeeze.

I closed my eyes and grabbed his shoulders, trying to summon the strength to climb off of him. Instead, my hips started moving of their own volition, circling and pressing down. He groaned and gripped me tighter, but didn't stop me. Instead he guided my movements, pushing me down as he moved beneath me. His head dropped back and he squeezed his eyes shut, a look of pain on his face.

"Edward?" I panted, concerned we were going too far.

"I'm okay. God, more than okay. Bloodlust be damned. I need this. You need this."

"But... oh God... " I gripped his shoulders tighter as he circled his hips, grinding against me and making everything inside me curl and spiral. "Uh... I don't want to but... should we stop?"

He clenched his jaw in determination. "Soon. Not yet."

Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around me, and before I could register the movement, we were on the bed, his body hovering over me as our kisses became more intense. Our legs tangled as we moved our hands over each other, and then his thigh was between my legs. As I subconsciously ground myself against him, I was suddenly very aware that I wasn't wearing any underwear.

"God, I need you," he whispered, kissing down to my breasts. "I love you and I need you, and it's driving me crazy not being able to have you. I want to be inside you. I want to feel you orgasm around me. I want to show you how much I love you. God... Isabella..."

He moved his hand between us, and I gasped as he touched me, gentle but desperate, his fingers circling faster and faster, making me hold my breath and cling to him for dear life.

"Edward... oh... God..."

"I can at least give you this," he said, watching my face intently. "I have enough control for this. I've missed seeing you lose yourself because of me. The satisfaction I felt after a kill? Completely insignificant compared to the satisfaction I get from bringing you pleasure. God, I love watching what I can do to you."

He kissed me again, and that was enough to bring me completely undone. My orgasm hit me like a hurricane, and I was vaguely away of him groaning as he bit into the pillow beside my head. The sweet scent of venom filled my nostrils as I tensed and convulsed in absolute pleasure. It had been so long since I'd felt the kind of ecstasy only he could draw out of me, that I was momentarily dizzy from the power of it, my brain struggling to keep up with all the sensations my body was experiencing.

When reality eventually filtered back in, Edward was looking down at me, smiling despite the tension in his face.

"Wow," I said, breathless. "I've missed that."

"Me too."

"Can I... um... repay the favor?"

He shook his head. "Not tonight. I can't... God, if you put your hands on me right now... I just don't have enough control left. But rest assured I'll be having another hot shower after you fall asleep."

"Oh... as in you're going to... ?"

"Abuse myself shamelessly in the bathroom, yes."

"But you said 'another hot shower', implying that you've... "

"Already done it several times already tonight? Yes."

"Uh huh. And you're going to do it again?"

"Yes. A lot. Have you not seen yourself? What do you expect? If I can't have you touch me, then I have to touch myself and pretend it's you."

"I see. Can I watch?"

He laughed and pulled me into his chest. "Maybe."

We lay there in silence for a few minutes, me stroking his chest as he trailed his fingers up and down my arm, his frequent swallowing telling me our time was almost up.

He tilted my head up and kissed me before picking me up and placing beneath the covers. Then he went over to the window and opened it, breathing in the cold night air.

"Are you feeling less tense now?" I asked, watching him as he sat on the window sill. "I mean, not from our little make-out session, but from... you know... talking about things?"

He nodded, and half-smiled, his eyes gleaming in a way that made my stomach flip. "Yes. You have a way of always making me feel less wretched about myself."

"Well, that's because you don't understand how amazing you are, and sometimes it's my job to remind you."

He smiled and walked over to collect the box from the edge of the bed and put it back inside the closet. When he emerged, he sat on the couch opposite me and sighed.

"I just wish ... well, I guess I wish I'd made some different choices in my life. Listened to Carlisle from the beginning. Had less blood on my hands."

"And do you honestly believe that if you were truly soulless that you'd feel anything like that? That you'd feel regret at all?"

"I don't know. I'd like to think not."

"Edward, you have a soul. No one could love as passionately and completely as you do and not have a soul."

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes intense and emotional. "Bella, I've never felt love like this until I met you. Perhaps you gave me my soul back."

"Perhaps it was there all the time, but just sleeping, like the forest in winter, waiting for the right time to bloom again."

He was silent for a few seconds before he broke into a breath-taking smile. "Isabella, that is possibly the corniest thing you've ever said to me. Why do I love it so much?"

I laughed. "Because you like some cheese with your ham?"

"I have no idea what that means."

"It means I love you, soul-boy."

"Ah ... well, that I understand."

"Good."

...

The dancing shadows from the fire played across everyone's faces as the Cullens and Denali sisters stood facing the semi-circle of Quileute elders. The council was small, consisting of Sue Clearwater, Quil Ateara senior, and Billy Black. The members of the wolf-pack, eight in total, stood behind them, shirtless and tense, no doubt ready to pounce at the slightest provocation.

I saw Jake, stony-faced and glowering, and I couldn't help but feel sad that he looked so different from the happy, sensitive boy I'd dated for two years. Although we'd kind of talked things through when he'd come to visit me in Port Angeles after Edward left, I knew I could never really make up for the damage I'd caused by cheating on him. He deserved better, and I should have treated him with more respect. I knew I didn't deserve his forgiveness, but I certainly hoped I could earn it one day.

He glanced at me and I gave him a small smile. He didn't acknowledge it, instead directing a withering gaze at Edward. I knew part of his anger was because he believed that Edward had stolen me away, as well as the whole 'he killed me' deal, but at the core of it, he hated him because of what he was. I idly wondered if he'd feel different if... no, _when_... Edward became human.

"Carlisle Cullen," Billy Black said, his voice deep and authoritative. "My son Jacob tells me that your son, Edward, has made a most unusual request: to be given some of our blood. Tonight we will discuss this request, as well as decide how to deal with the crimes committed by your son against Bella Swan. But first, you have brought more than your family here. Who are these others?"

"Of course you know Bella," Carlisle said, and I waved lamely as he gestured to the Denali sisters. "And this is Irina and Kate, close friends of ours from Alaska. Their sister was killed by the man who was responsible for the local murders. And over there is Jessica Stanley, whom I believe you also know. James turned her as part of his revenge plan against Edward."

"And she promptly attacked and tried to kill my son."

"Yes, that's true. But she's now a part of our coven and lives by our rules. She has vowed to respect human life."

Jessica looked sheepish and glanced at Jake. "Sorry about attacking you, Jacob. I was out of my mind. You know I would never want to hurt you."

Jake nodded, his face softening for a second. "Yeah... well, okay."

Jess smiled, and I felt a weird twisting in my gut as I realized that she was flirting with him.

_Wow, Jess. Crushing on your natural enemy? That's pretty much... well… what Edward and I were doing. Carry on._

"Jessica has been surviving off the blood of animals since that night," Carlisle said. "You can see that the color of her eyes supports this."

Billy regarded him carefully. "And yet, she did kill a human the night she was turned. And there is another one among you who still has traces of red in his eyes. Clear evidence of him also breaking our treaty."

"That's true," Carlisle said, placing his hand on Edward's shoulder, "but to be fair, he was provoked. James all but forced Bella's blood onto him. He would never have willingly hurt her. He's in love with her."

"Our treaty stipulates no allowances for love or provocation. It's very clear: if you harm humans, your lives are forfeit. All of your lives. The fact that you brought Bella back to life doesn't erase the crime of killing her."

I had thought Jacob was joking when he'd said that the council might decide to call all-out war on the Cullens, but judging by Billy's voice and demeanor, it was a real possibility.

I looked at Edward. He was staring at the ground, regret written all over his face. Carlisle squeezed his shoulder before dropping his hand, and when he addressed Billy again, I could tell that he was treading carefully.

"Mr. Black, I know that my son can never atone for what he did to Bella, but before you make any decision regarding his fate, I beg you to consider Isabella in all of this."

"Why?" Billy demanded gruffly. "She has merely fallen under the spell of your kind. It will quickly fade if she is separated from you."

I almost laughed but managed to hold my tongue. None of this was funny, and yet my hysteria level was rising.

Carlisle looked at me. "I'm afraid it's not that simple. In fact, if she and Edward are separated permanently, she very well may not survive."

"Explain."

"Many years ago your grandfather, Ephraim, revealed to me the concept of 'imprinting' as a soul recognizing its perfect match and needing to claim it. In our world we have something similar. It's called 'mating' and when a vampire recognizes his or her mate, their world is completely and irrevocably altered. All of a sudden, the thirst for blood isn't the most compelling force in their universe - their mate is."

He looked at Sam. "Sam, I believe you have imprinted on a young lady. Emily?"

Sam shifted uncomfortably before answering. "That's right."

"What would happen if Emily were taken from you?"

Intense pain flashed over his face before he composed himself. Carlisle looked at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to distress you. I'm just trying to illustrate a point. Do you think you would survive her loss?"

Sam swallowed thickly. "No. I wouldn't."

"Well, the same is true for vampire mates. When one is lost, the other soon follows. That's why I beg you to consider Bella in any decision that's made here tonight."

Sue Clearwater frowned in confusion. "But, surely vampires only recognize other vampires as mates."

"Usually," Carlisle agreed, "but on occasion, a vampire forms a mating bond with a human. It's rare, but possible."

I glanced at Jake. He was listening intently, frowning in concentration. He looked up at me briefly, and I could see that he finally understood my connection to Edward. I'd tried to explain it to him, but I think part of him believed I was just offering an excuse for how I'd behaved. Now, he understood now that I wasn't.

Billy looked at me, then at Edward. He gestured for Edward to come forward.

"Explain yourself, vampire. Is it true you love a human?"

Edward nodded. "Yes, sir. The day I met Isabella, my whole world tilted on its axis. Her blood was the most delicious scent I've experienced in over a century, but as much as I craved her blood, something stopped me. I hadn't realized it until later, but she was meant for me. There's no doubt that she's my mate. The one person in all the world with whom I was meant to be."

"But you killed her," Sue Clearwater said. "How could you do that if you loved her?"

Edward physically winced. In one sentence, Sue had summed up his most shameful truth.

"I do love her, more than I thought myself capable of loving anything in this world, but even though she is my mate and my reason for existing, unfortunately, she's also my singer."

Quil Senior barked, "What the hell's a 'singer'?"

Before Edward could answer, Irina stepped forward. Realistically, she was the most qualified to talk about singers, considering she'd killed two in the past.

"Occasionally, vampires, even those as dedicated as we are to preserving human life, come across a human that is simply irresistible. Their blood is designed for one vampire and one vampire alone. They're called 'singers,' and in all my years, I've never known any vampire, no matter how disciplined, to be able to resist their singer's blood. And yet, Edward resisted Bella's. For months. His strength in denying the most primal and compelling of his urges is unprecedented in the vampire world, and just proves the depth of his feelings toward his mate. I've walked this earth for over a millennium, and I fear I will never see a feat of control as astounding as that."

Kate joined her sister. "When I heard about it, I was less surprised to find out he could resist his singer. In the time I've known Edward, I have to say that he's been, without a doubt, the most miserable vampire I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. His absolute disdain for what he is and what he does turned him into one of the most morose and self-loathing creatures ever to walk the planet. He hated being a vampire. Everything about it. And when he fell in love with a human, I think his self-loathing reached its pinnacle, because from the moment he met her, he was compelled to revert to his most bestial nature. Of course, he steadfastly refused to give in, because if there's one thing that outweighs Edward's ability to brood and self-flagellate, it's his thick-headed stubbornness."

Beside me, Edward shook his head and muttered, "I don't know whether to be flattered or offended."

"I think a little of both would be appropriate," Kate answered with a wry smile.

"Of course."

"So," Sue said, directing her attention back to Edward, "what finally broke your resolve to not drink her?"

Edward's whole posture changed, his hands curling into fists at his sides.

His voice was harsh as he said, "James entered the picture. He was a serial killer I'd drained, but inadvertently changed many years ago. When he awoke as a vampire, he killed his family in a rush of bloodlust, and became hell-bent on revenge."

From the lack of surprise on the faces of the council, I guessed the wolf-pack had already informed them about James, and even though I couldn't read their minds, I pretty much knew what they were thinking: James deserved revenge for what Edward had done to him.

I took Edward's hand, and he glanced at me nervously before continuing.

"I know some of you are thinking that his thirst for revenge was justified, and that may be true, but it doesn't change the fact that he killed innocents in order to achieve it. At first, he fed the wolf-pack false evidence in the hope they would destroy me, and then, when that failed, he masterminded a plan to make me take Isabella's life."

"How could he possibly force you to kill the woman you loved?" Quil Senior asked, his voice husky and harsh. "It's not like he held a damn gun to your head."

"No, he didn't," Edward said, "but he might as well have. You see, being with Isabella was always an incredible risk, but our mating bond demanded we be together, and so I had to learn to suppress my vampiric instincts when I was with her. But the call of her blood was always there, tantalizing and unbelievably strong, and unfortunately, James saw fit to exploit that. He ambushed me with some of her blood, freshly spilled. Then he... cut her... forcing her to bleed in front of me." He paused, swallowing several times, and I squeezed his hand, urging him to go on. He sighed and looked at me before saying, "I'm ashamed to say I couldn't control myself. I snapped, and the beast inside me took over."

He looked at the ground, and I knew that even now, remembering that night was difficult for him.

"If there was one moment in my long existence I could erase," he said quietly, "it would be that one. I became a monster that night, and hurt the woman that means everything to me. As long as I live, I'll never be able to forgive myself."

I heard a scoffing laugh, and looked up to see Paul sneering at Edward. "It just goes to prove that no matter how harmless you pretend to be, you're just a bloodthirsty killer at heart."

Sam shot him a disapproving look and was opening his mouth to speak when Alice beat him to it.

"My brother is a good person. He didn't choose this life. None of us did. But when he was born into it, he tried his best to make the most of it. As a newborn, our lust for blood is all-consuming, but even then, when he was nearly mad with thirst, he chose to only feed from those humans who killed and maimed, or raped and abused."

"He didn't have the authority to carry out vigilante justice," Billy Black pointed out.

"No, he didn't, but he tried to channel his bloodlust into doing good, not evil. I'm not saying that what he did was right, only that he chose not to become a mindless, indiscriminate killer. He hunted serial killers and pedophiles. Monsters who would have continued to kill and ruin lives if he hadn't stopped them. But eventually, the guilt of taking humans, no matter how depraved, weighed too heavily on him and he chose to abstain altogether. We've all chosen to do that. Don't you think we want to be more than our instincts demand? Can't you open your minds for one second and see that?"

Carlisle put his hand on his daughter's shoulder and squeezed. With a sigh, Alice stepped back, leaning into Jasper as he put his arm around her..

Billy looked at Carlisle. "And yet, Carlisle Cullen, even knowing how difficult your lifestyle is, you still chose to change others to be like you. Doesn't that alone show a blatant disregard for life?"

This time it was Rose's turn. "Mr. Black, if I could say something about that... My father, Carlisle Cullen, is one of the most incredible men I've ever met. He was turned to this life by mistake, and even when he awoke with the scorching thirst of a newborn, he refused to do what he knew to be morally wrong. Without anyone to goad or guide him, he chose to bypass his murderous nature and go down a different path. To preserve life. And that's what he's done in the centuries since, not only as a doctor, but as the leader of this coven. His wife, Esme, my brother, Edward, and my husband, Emmett, were all saved from certain death by him, and even though the life of a vegetarian vampire is difficult, if Carlisle hadn't saved me, I never would have met my mate, and for that alone I'll always be eternally grateful. It seems to me that you're judging us all by your own definition of what vampires are, not by how we live."

Billy looked at her for a few moments, mulling over what she'd said before looking back at Edward.

"So tell me, this request you've made... explain your intentions."

Edward straightened his back. "My intention is to be with Isabella for as long as we both shall live. Unfortunately, with her as my singer, and being human, I fear how long that will actually be."

"You're afraid you'll kill her again?"

"Yes. And the thought sickens me."

"Jacob told me she was determined to become one of you."

I looked at Jake and could still see the disapproval in his eyes. We'd argued badly when we'd discussed it. I think the only other time I'd seen him that angry was the night he'd found out about Edward.

"Bella did request to become like us, and even though I didn't want to subject her to this life, I agreed because it didn't seem like we had any other option. Unfortunately, the wolf-blood that revived her also changed her molecular structure in such a way that it's now impossible for her to change."

Jake's glanced at me, shock registering on his face.

"You tried to change?"

"Yes."

"But it failed?"

"Yes."

He shook his head and swallowed. "I... Jesus, Bells I knew we were talking about it but... " He looked at me, pained and disbelieving, and I really wished there was some way for me to make this easier for him.

"Jake, I told you that's what I was going to do. Edward's my mate. I love him, and I'll do anything to be with him."

He stared at me for a few seconds and then nodded, and I think he finally understood: this wasn't a choice between him and Edward. It was part of who I was. What I was born to do.

"So, Edward," Sue interjected, "how will the wolf-blood will help you now?"

Edward cleared his throat. "Well, during our first encounter, I... ingested a small amount..."

"Yeah, when you bit me," Embry said petulantly from the shadows.

"To be fair," Edward said patiently, "you tried to bite me first."

Embry rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Anyway, my father was intrigued by my reaction, and after Sam generously donated some blood for experiments, Carlisle noticed some incredible results. The wolf-blood actually regenerated vampire tissue, bringing it back to life for a short period of time."

He paused to look at his father before turning back to the council, who were watching him with wary eyes. "I have a theory that if enough wolf-blood is pumped through a vampire's body, it could ... well… I believe it could convert us back to being human."

A ripple of incredulity went through the Quileute, but Billy calmed them with a wave of his hand.

"Do you have proof of this?"

Edward nodded. "On isolated body parts, yes. In terms of testing the theory on a full body... well, I'd be the guinea pig."

Sue Clearwater frowned at him. "This experiment sounds dangerous. There's a chance you wouldn't survive?"

"That's right."

"So you'd risk your life, knowing that if it failed you could be depriving Bella of her mate?"

Edward glanced at me, love and fear mixing on his face in equal measure.

"I'd rather risk my life than hers, and every day she remains a human and I remain a vampire, that's exactly what's going to happen. This is our only chance of being together. Please. I need your help."

Sue looked at Billy, who seemed eerily impassive. The deep lines in his face were made even more severe by the unforgiving firelight, and it occurred to me that when he stayed very still, as he was now, his face looked like it had been carved out of some ancient piece of wood.

"Mr. Black," Edward said beseechingly, dropping my hand so he could step forward, "I know that the Quileute are a proud and fierce people, and your role as protectors is an important one. Please, help protect Isabella by granting my request. If it doesn't work, we'll then have to deal with the consequences, but if it does... if you are able to grant me the priceless gift of humanity... wouldn't the risk be worth it? To convert me from being a cold one - your natural enemy - into a man? Removing the threat I currently pose?"

Billy looked at the collection of vampires in front of him. "If it were to work, would the others be also willing to convert?"

Carlisle nodded. "I think I can speak for everyone here when I say yes, if it works, we would very much like to regain our humanity, if you're agreeable to helping us."

Quil Senior frowned in confusion. "But you'd give up immortality? Virtual indestructibility? Forgive me, Mr. Cullen, but that sounds unlikely."

"Mr. Ateara, all of the advantages of being a vampire come with a steep price. The constant thirst and bloodlust are burdens that wear on us every single day. The desire to kill. To drink human blood. The primal urges we try so hard to suppress. I beg you to seriously consider what we're asking, because what Edward's proposing... it could possibly provide a cure for all of us. And that's something that I, for one, have dreamed about for a long time. A second chance at mortality. Life. An opportunity to change; to not be perpetually frozen. To become part of the web of life again, not a creature damned to live outside of it."

The council exchanged glances, and I saw Edward tense. No doubt he was reading their minds, but I had no idea if his reaction was one of excitement or defeat.

After a non-verbal conversation that lasted too long for my nervous heart, Billy turned back to address us.

"If we were to agree to this in principle, there's still the issue of who would be willing to donate the blood. I can't force any of the boys to give something they don't wish to."

He turned to the bare-chested young men behind him. "If any of you would be willing to help these cold-ones, please speak up now."

No one moved. No one barely breathed. The wolves were resolute and stony-faced, most of them looking at the ground, unwilling to make eye contact. Only Sam and Jacob actually looked at the Cullens, both of them frowning in concentration, no doubt weighing up the logical arguments that had been made with their animosity toward their natural enemies.

Long minutes passed, and I felt like if someone didn't say something soon, I was going to scream.

"Please."

Until the word left my mouth I hadn't realized I was going to speak. But there it was. My plea. The only thing I could offer in securing my future, and Edward's.

"Please," I repeated stepping forward, making sure they could see my face and the utter desperation etched there. "I've known most of you for years, and I know that you're good people. Kind, compassionate people. Sam, even when Edward was accused of murder, you were the one who gave him a chance. Who stopped and listened. And Jake, I know I hurt you, and I'm so sorry for not being more honest about how I felt, but despite my inability to love you the way you deserved, you're still one of the best people I've ever met. You deserve to find someone who will see how amazing and sweet and remarkable you are, and who will make you the center of their world in the same way Edward is the center of mine."

I took a deep breath and took Edward's hand. "Please. Give us a chance to be together. If you grant us the gift of your blood, we can be together in a way we've never been able to - as equals."

I looked back at the faces of the people who I'd come to know as my family.

"The Cullens have worked so hard to maintain as much of their humanity as they could, and if you got to know them, you'd see what an incredibly loving and supportive family they are. You must have seen glimpses of that when you had your wrestling match against them. They're good people. Even if you don't do this for me, do it for them. Please. They deserve to find peace. To really live again."

The wolves' faces were less stony than before, but still, no one moved.

I held my breath and waited, and was just about to exhale in defeat when Edward squeezed my hand. A second later, Jake stepped forward.

"I'll do it," he said quietly, looking at me. "As if I couldn't. I've only ever wanted you to be happy, Bells, and if that means that you need to be with him, well... I guess I have to accept that. I'll help any way I can."

Before I could react, Sam stepped forward as well. "I'm in too. I always thought cold ones were heartless before I met the Cullens. They've pretty much blown my preconceptions out of the water, and if anyone deserves a second chance, it's them."

Then, one by one, the wolves all stepped forward, some of them giving reasons, others just letting their actions speak for them, but not one of them declining to help, and as I looked at the boys who'd been my friends for so long, tears of gratitude spilled down my face.

Edward pulled me into his arms and I wept openly, soaking his shirt with giant sobs as the Cullens went over to thank the council and the wolves. I was grateful that everyone seemed to ignore us, because Edward's chest was also hitching, and when I looked up at his face it was heartbreakingly full of emotion.

"We have our chance," he said, giving me a happy-sad smile. "I don't usually thank God, because ... well, let's face it, he hates me... but tonight... Bella... we have our chance."

He hugged me again, his head buried in my neck as another flurry of tears poured out of me. I wasn't sure if I was crying because I wanted this so badly, or because I knew he did. Either way, my fear and apprehension was momentarily forgotten, and all I could think about was Edward, warm and soft, and completely mine. A newborn of a completely different type.

Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself, and when my breathing was vaguely normal, Edward gently wiped my face and led me over to the other side of the campfire. We spent a few minutes thanking the elders and the wolves, and then we went over to talk to Jake.

"Thank you, Jacob," Edward said, extending his hand. "What you did here tonight... I... well, I can't ever thank you enough. Truly."

Jake sighed and shook his hand. "Well, you can start by not dying and wasting our blood. And then, when this whole thing is over, you can fix my car. I'm bored with driving my old man's Corolla. That thing seriously has zero pick-up."

Edward smiled and nodded. "You're sure I can't talk you into a nice European sports car? They have pick-up to burn."

"Nah. The maintenance costs are ridiculous. Not to mention insurance. Just fix up my Rabbit and we'll call it square."

"Deal."

There was silence for a few seconds and then Edward cleared his throat and squeezed my shoulder. "Well, if you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to thank the council. Again."

He walked away, leaving Jake and me alone. I felt tears well again as I stepped in to hug him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He tensed for a moment in surprise before hugging me back, his huge arms warm and heavy around my shoulders.

"Thank you," I whispered into his chest. "I don't know what else to say to you. I just... Wow, Jake. You didn't have to do this. You don't owe me anything. You certainly don't owe Edward anything. But... you did it, and it's amazing, and... thank you."

He hugged me tighter. "You're welcome."

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, I know. You're just not 'in love' with me."

"I'm sorry. If it's any consolation, I think Jessica wants to bone you."

He chuckled, his chest vibrating against my cheek. "Yeah? Well, maybe if she becomes human I'll give her a call."

"You totally should."

"Right after I punch your boyfriend in the face."

"What?"

"It was part of his deal with me, remember? Plus, I still owe him one for killing you."

"Pfft. I was only mostly dead. I got better. Thanks to you."

"Yeah, and now you smell more like one of us than one of them. I kind of love that."

"I know. I'm also new and improved. So maybe dying wasn't such a bad thing after all."

He pulled back and looked down at me, his smile small and pensive. "I hope this works, Bells. I really do. You deserve to be happy."

I refused to cry again, but it wasn't easy. "You too, Jake."

Then Edward was beside me and we were saying goodbye. I heard Carlisle making plans for the wolves to stop by tomorrow to begin their donations. It was all happening so fast, my brain was finding it difficult to comprehend what the next few days would entail.

Edward and I were silent as we walked toward the edge of the woods, and when he pulled me on his back and started running, I squeezed him tightly, closing my eyes as he raced through the powder-white forest.

When he stopped, I opened my eyes and found we weren't back at the house, but were instead in our meadow, the full moon stark and crisp in the crystal-clear sky.

"I thought you might like to see it once more before the snow melts," he said, placing me gently onto my feet. "Apparently the next few days are going to be unseasonably hot."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, smiling as I felt his nose wrinkle.

"I smell like dog, huh?" I asked, pulling back.

"Yeah. More so than usual."

"Well, you'd better get used to it. You're going to be stinking it up yourself soon. I may make you sleep outside."

He kissed me again, more deeply, and murmured, "I'm just looking forward to being able to sleep again. God, I can't wait to sleep with you."

I smiled. "You're not even talking about sex, are you?"

He pulled me against him, making me understand that there was no doubt he wanted me. "Well, I can't wait for that too, but actually sleeping again? Dreaming? Bella, you have no idea how much I've missed that."

I stroked his cheek. "Hmmm, I wonder what you'll dream about. Chasing cars maybe? Peeing on hydrants? Sniffing people's butts? "

He laughed and pushed me down into the snow, kissing me as much as he could while I giggled and squirmed, the snow seeping through my clothes and making me squeal.

"You're not funny, you know," he said, smiling and wiping some of the snow from my face. "You're just as much of a dog as I'm going to be. Please note you did hump my leg earlier this evening."

"Lies."

"Uh huh. Deny it all you want. I actually like it."

"The denial?"

"The humping."

"Oh. Well, good then."

"And you," he said, becoming serious. "I love you. You don't even understand how much I love you."

I swallowed and touched his face, stroking his stone-smooth skin and imagining how it would feel after the change. "Knowing what you're about to go through to be with me? I think I know how much you love me. And I love you too. More than anything."

He gazed down at me for long seconds before kissing me, slow and deep, and maybe he was right about my canine urges, because as his hands pushed underneath my damp clothes and made my skin burn and ache for him, I felt a strong urge to hump his leg again.

Our kisses because more heated, and even though the snow was freezing, all I felt was warm, and loved.

"And for the record," he said, pulling back and swallowing his venom, "when I finally get to dream again, I have no doubt that I'll dream of only one thing, consistently and forever... You."

I gazed up at him, unable to speak around the lump that had formed in my throat, and I figured that it was only fair that he dream of me one day, because for my whole life, even before I knew who he was, I'd been dreaming of him.

...

...

* * *

**So, one more chapter left before the epilogue. Hope you guise stay with me.**

**Small homages were paid to two of my favorite movies in ****this chapter: "I was only mostly dead," was inspired by The Princess Bride, and, "I got better," is inspired by the, "Bring out your dead," scene from Monty Python's The Holy Grail.**

**I love you all for sticking with this for so long. If you get a moment, I'd**** love to hear your thoughts.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	27. Breathe Again Part 1

**Update August 2nd, 2011**

**Enormous thanks to my amazing beta-Goddess, Irritable_Grizzzly, and my wonderful Sprinkle Queen, Vican.**

**My apologies for the tardiness of this update.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 27 - Breathe Again (Part 1)**

"Take him down, Emmett! Do it!"

"Shut up, man. He's freaking fast!"

"Shit. Where's Edward when you need him."

"We don't need him. I got this."

"Whatever you say."

"I do."

"Good."

"Fuck off, Jas."

"Any time you ladies are ready to shut them down, just let me know."

"Shut up, Rose!"

I laughed as the Cullens talked smack to each other and tried to tackle the wolves who they'd challenged to a 'friendly' game of 'Capture the Flag.' The action was fast and furious, and despite their grumbling, I could tell the Cullens were having a great time, their bright eyes and easy smiles clear evidence.

The wolves also seemed to be in good spirits, looking more like playful pups than ferocious killing machines. Their natural animosity for the vampires was momentarily forgotten in the light of their agreement to help, and the Cullens' undeniable charm.

I laughed as the wolves ganged up on Emmett, distracting him while Seth slammed his paws into his chest, pushing him to the ground. The giant hound then stood over him, grinning and drooling into his face. Emmett pretended to be grossed out, but he couldn't help the stupid grin on his face as the young wolf licked his cheek and then shook his head in disgust.

"Dude, did you think I was going to taste like bacon? Now get off me, you overgrown Schnauzer."

I felt heat at my back and turned to see Jake standing there, smiling even as he pretended to disapprove.

"Seth, stop embarrassing yourself, man! That's your natural enemy for God's sake! You don't lick him. You bite him. Hard."

Emmett pushed Seth off and stood, ruffling the young wolf's fur and scratching behind his ears. "Aw, he wouldn't hurt me. He's like the pet I never had. Plus, he wants me to take him to the dog park later and maybe find him a nice easy poodle."

Seth barked in contradiction, but I could tell he was secretly loving on Emmett. It was kind of hard not to.

I was grateful for something to distract me from thinking about Edward's upcoming change. I was doing my best to stay positive, but no matter how much I told myself everything was going to be okay, a thick finger of doubt jabbed and gouged at me, reminding me that maybe it wouldn't.

Pushing down the negativity, I turned to Jake, noticing the small bandage on the crook of his elbow.

"Another donation?"

He nodded. "Yep. I'm the last one, and I think Carlisle has about all he needs now. Thank God, because I'm beginning to understand how a juice box feels being punctured and sucked dry all the time."

I laughed. "Carlisle hardly sucked you dry. He only took a pint."

"Yeah, but four times."

"The other boys didn't complain."

"Not to you, maybe."

"Well, Carlisle wouldn't have taken more than you can give. He said your blood regenerates incredibly fast."

He smiled. "Well, yeah. But still... seeing it all come out of me like that... all dark and sloshy in those little bags..."

"Made you queasy?"

"I thought I was going to lose my lunch."

"Seeing how much you ate at lunchtime, I'm seriously glad that didn't happen. It would have been a vomit tsunami."

"Yeah, and that mental image helps, thanks." He exhaled and rubbed his stomach. "Still, can you blame me? You've tasted Esme's cooking. She's a food genius. Emily got so pissed about Sam constantly talking about it that she's banned him from mentioning it any more. I think she feels like Sam's stomach is cheating on her with Esme's food."

"Oh, wow. That's the equivalent of a foodie-cockblock."

"You're telling me."

We watched the action in easy silence for a few moments, laughing as the wolves and vampires leapt over each other in a ridiculously acrobatic display that would've made Cirque du Soleil proud. The accompanying laughter and barking echoed loudly through the forest, and beside me, Jake sighed.

"I kind of hate how likeable those bloodsuckers are," he said, frowning and crossing his arms. "It really messes with my head. Things were much easier when I could just happily despise them."

I nodded. "Yeah, well, that's the thing about the Cullens. Hating them is really difficult. They're kind of amazing."

_One in particular. Too amazing._

_God, I love him. I love him so much it hurts._

As if he sensed what I was thinking about, Jacob said, "Did Edward tell you he's fixing my car?"

I looked at him in surprise. "He said he was going to, but I didn't think he'd started it."

"Yeah, well, he and Emmett went to my house yesterday morning and picked it up. Literally. With their bare hands. Then they brought it back here. He was working on it last night. Pulled off all the panels and disassembled the engine. He's already finished putting most of the engine back together, and now he's onto the body work. The dude's fast, I'll give him that."

"He knows how to do that?"

He shrugged. "Apparently. Rosalie's been giving him advice, but he's done most of it by himself. Said he did some reading. I guess when you don't sleep, you have time to read."

I thought Edward had stayed with me all night, but obviously I was wrong. Devious man.

_Beautiful man._

"He seems to be doing a pretty decent job, actually. He's ordered all sorts of fancy, expensive parts I couldn't afford. Premium stuff. Probably doing it because he feels guilty about everything that's happened."

I looked at him dubiously. "Or maybe he's doing it because he's grateful you're helping him and wants to say thank you."

"Yeah, maybe." He sniffed and scratched his head. "I guess he's being pretty decent. If you had to go and fall in love with a bloodthirsty killer, I suppose you could have done worse."

I nudged him with my elbow. "Wow, Jake, don't tell me you're actually starting to like Edward."

He scoffed. "Hell, no. To me, he'll always be the asshole who stole you from me and then killed you. But... well... I guess I want to murder him less these days."

"That's so sweet."

"Totally."

He paused for a moment and glanced back at the house, then back to me. "So I guess now that Carlisle has all the blood he needs, they're going to... you know, try the change... in the next few days."

A sudden chill ran through me and I wrapped my arms around myself. "Yeah. I guess."

_It's going to work. It's going to work. It's going to work._

"Carlisle's had a ton of equipment delivered this week. All sorts of high-tech imaging machines. He wants to try and track the blood's progress or something as it moves through Edward. He's pretty intense about it all."

I had a sharp spike of irrational anger, and I didn't know why.

"Yeah, well, Carlisle certainly likes his gadgets."

Jake nudged me. "That's not it, Bells, and you know it." I turned to look at him and he had a sympathetic expression on his face. "You know he's doing everything he can to make this thing work. He doesn't want to take any chances with Edward's life."

I nodded and looked away. "Of course not, but it's all going to be fine so there's really no need to worry, is there?"

_He'll be fine. Nothing's going to go wrong. He's going to be just fine._

"Bella?"

I looked up to see Jake frowning at me.

"You've been weird for days. And kind of freakishly upbeat considering the circumstances. What's going on?"

I shrugged and plastered a smile on my face. "Nothing. Just trying to be positive."

_Positive that everything's going to be okay._

He nodded, not looking at all convinced.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

_I can't talk about it. Talking about it makes me think about it, and thinking about it makes my stomach curl in on itself until I can't breathe._

"Bella..."

"I'm fine, Jake."

"You're afraid it won't work."

"No."

"Yes."

"Jake ... I just ..." I dug the front of my shoe into the ground, trying to keep a lid on my emotions. "Please don't push this. I really can't ... deal with it right now."

He put his hands on my shoulders, and gently turned me toward him. Even though I didn't want him to fix me, I knew that if I fell apart, he'd always be there to put me back together.

"Look, Bells," he said, "I know this is risky, but everyone's trying to make it work. Now, if I can donate my sweet-assed blood to a bunch of leeches to aid in their quest of non-eternal life, the least you can do is have a little faith, okay? I'm pretty sure Edward needs it right about now."

I glanced back at the house. Edward had spent the morning with Carlisle, and I knew they were doing as much research as possible before the change so they could be prepared for any problems. Still, I couldn't help the squirming dread in my stomach.

The pressure of the impending change was wearing on Edward, too. He'd been quiet and tense for the past few days, having lots of whispered conversations with Carlisle and Esme, and even Alice, but when I'd ask what was up, he'd always feign ignorance. There was something in their faces that warned me not want to push it. A kind of fearful resignation that made me believe they were making preparations for the worst possible outcome.

"Do you feel like going for a walk?" Jake asked, trying to lighten the mood. "Edward's going to be busy with Carlisle for a while, and it'd be a shame to waste the sunshine watching this bunch of degenerates."

There was now an all-out brawl happening on the playing field, and Alice was standing on the sidelines screaming about how her family was ruining their clothes. Despite my unsettled stomach and mind, I laughed.

"Yeah, maybe you're right, but I should probably go and see if Esme needs a hand. Preparing mountains food for you and the pack is running even her ragged."

Jake's smile faltered a little. "Bells, I think you should stay away from the basement for a while."

At that moment I heard a strangled cry from the house. I took a step toward it when Jake grabbed my arm.

"Bells, don't. They don't want you to see."

I turned to him and glared. "What's going on?"

"Carlisle needed to run a test. He said you probably shouldn't be around."

I heard another muffled scream.

_Edward. Jesus._

I wrenched my arm away from Jake and sprinted toward the house.

"Bella!"

I didn't slow down as I burst through the back door and flew down the stairs to the basement, but as I took in the scene before me, I stopped short. Edward was shirtless and strapped to a large, T-shaped bench. Carlisle was injecting his right arm with a large syringe full of blood, his face furrowed in concentration as he slowly depressed the plunger. He looked up at me briefly then said, "Bella, please don't worry. We're just testing the new equipment. Don't distress yourself by watching. We'll come find you when we're done."

Edward screamed again, his face contorted in pain as his body arched.

"God, Edward."

He opened his eyes and looked at me, breathing heavily as he struggled to speak.

"Bella, get out of here. I'm fine." He clenched his jaw and let out an inhumanly tortured sound. "Please. Go."

"No," I said firmly as I walked over and stroked his hair. "And would you please stop worrying about my well-being while you're screaming in pain? I'm staying."

Carlisle glanced up at me as he finished injecting the blood and then moved a piece of equipment over to Edward. It had a semicircular barrel that hovered over his arm, projecting images onto a nearby screen, bright colors blooming within the outline of his limb. Carlisle studied the data intently, pressing some buttons on his laptop to record the results.

Edward squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw, his whole face a mask of agony as his body vibrated with pain. His injected arm slowly turned pink, small blue-red veins and arteries appearing like spider's silk under the skin.

"Whoa."

I wanted to touch it, to feel the texture of the resurrected skin, but Edward groaned again and I went back to stroking his hair, giving him whatever comfort I could.

"How's the pain, son?" Carlisle asked, laying his palm on his shoulder.

Edward glared at him and grunted. "How do you think?"

"I know, but I'm trying to gather statistics here. On a scale of one to ten - "

Edward's voice was harsh as he snarled, "It's fucking two-thousand, Carlisle."

Carlisle tapped on his computer. "Excruciatingly painful. Noted."

Edward clenched and released his hand, straining against the metal cuff holding him to the table, and I bent down to whisper words of comfort into his ear as he pushed a long, rough groan between his teeth.

He panted roughly, turning his face to me. "Put your hands on me. Please. Distract me."

I did as he asked, running my hands down his neck and chest, over his ribcage, and down his stomach, gently grazing his cool skin, watching his breathing even out a little as I continued. I knew it didn't completely soothe him because he kept making pained sounds, but after about fifteen minutes he relaxed a little. I watched as the pink that had enveloped most of his arm slowly faded back to the stony paleness of the rest of his body. After another ten minutes of me stroking him, he sighed and turned to me.

"Thank you. I didn't want you to see that, but ... I'm glad you were here. Your touch is better than any drug."

I leaned over and kissed him. "You're lucky I don't kick your ass for trying to hide this from me. I understand why you wanted to, but please don't. We're in this together, no matter what, okay?"

He nodded and gave me a weak smile. "Okay."

"You all right, son?"

He turned to look at his father. "Yes, although I can't say that was entirely pleasant."

Carlisle smiled and released the clamps holding him to the table. "You did very well. I fear if I'd faced the pain of that much wolf-blood, I wouldn't have behaved quite as decorously as you. Bella witnessed me crumble pathetically when injected with only a fraction of what you just endured"

Edward sat up and flexed his arm, wincing as he formed a fist. "Carlisle, I screamed like a wounded bear. I'm not really patting myself on the back about remaining stoic in the face of pain."

Carlisle touched his arm, looking closely at the skin. "Well at the very least we've gathered some valuable information, so it was worth it."

"Thank God for that."

"The cellular-imager helped me map the progress of the blood through your tissues and also showed how long it took for the venom to reclaim the cells. It'll help me calculate the amount of blood we'll need for the change, as well as how long the process should take."

I tried to control myself. "And how long will that be?"

Carlisle looked at me warily before glancing at Edward, and I sighed in frustration. "Okay, stop. You two have been whispering and keeping things from me for days. Just, stop."

Edward climbed off the table and took my hands. "I'm sorry, but you've just seem a little ... overwhelmed right now. We haven't wanted to put you under any more stress."

"Edward, not knowing what you're whispering about is stressing me. I want to know what's going on. Everything that's going on. Starting with how long this change is going to take."

Carlisle looked at me, his face showing more concern than I would have liked.

"My basic calculations indicate that it will take around twenty-four hours for the wolf-blood to be completely integrated into Edward's system."

The thought of Edward being in absolute agony for twenty-four hours made my own blood run cold. I knew he'd endured the blazing torment of vampire venom for three days when he was originally turned, but from everything I'd learned about the wolf-blood, the pain it caused made the venom seem like a mild ache in comparison.

"I'm not sure if he'll remain conscious for all of that time," Carlisle continued, rubbing the back of his neck. "The one major variable in all this is his brain. I have absolutely no idea how the blood will affect his cognitive centers, or even his memory. For all we know the process could completely reboot his cerebral cortex."

My stomach flipped uncomfortably. "You mean it could ... wipe his memory? He wouldn't know who he is? Who we are?"

"I highly doubt that's going to happen," Edward muttered.

Carlisle glanced at him. "But it is possible. We have to accept that."

Edward stroked my back gently, and I knew my face was betraying my absolute horror.

"What about his mind-reading?" I asked.

"Once again, I really can't speculate. The brain is a mysterious organ at the best of times. A vampire brain is doubly so. Converting it back into living tissue is ... complicated."

"To be honest," Edward said, taking my hand, "if the mind-reading disappeared, I wouldn't mind. It's incredibly frustrating having other people constantly in my head. I'd savor a little peace and quiet."

"But what if you forget everything? Your family. Me."

He took my face in his hands and looked me dead in the eye. "Isabella, nothing could make me forget you. Ever."

His conviction was so strong, I almost believed him.

Suddenly, there were footsteps on the stairs, and I turned to see Esme walking toward us.

"Finished torturing our son, sweetheart?" she asked Carlisle with a smile.

"For the moment," Carlisle replied, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

She looked at me briefly. "You had a phone call while you were busy."

Carlisle frowned. "Italy?"

"Yes."

He quickly closed his laptop and turned off his equipment. "Please excuse me. I have to go."

He rushed up the stairs with Esme following him, and I looked at Edward quizzically. "Another thing you didn't want to burden me with?"

He smiled as he grabbed his T-shirt from a chair and pulled it on, grimacing as he bent his arm. "Well, yes."

"Care to share?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Didn't think so."

He took my hand and led me upstairs and out to the garage.

"Have you ever heard of the Volturi?"

"No. Should I have?"

We stopped in front of Jake's partially-reconstructed Rabbit, and Edward turned to me.

"Not really. They're kind of like a vampire government. They monitor vampire activity around the world and take action if a vampire is being ... careless."

"When you say 'careless' you mean ...?"

"Exposing our existence to humans."

"And by 'action' you mean ...?"

"That they usually execute them."

"That's what I thought."

Edward picked up a wrench and tinkered with the engine, his hands sure and fast.

"They're merciless when it comes to punishing those who risk exposing us. The only reason we're able to coexist with the humans and feed freely is because most of the world doesn't believe we exist. It's the Volturi's job to keep it that way."

I leaned against the workbench and watched as Edward bent over the car, carefully reassembling the engine and giving me a very fine view of his ass. "So why is Carlisle talking to them? Does he think they'll see what we're doing as putting them at risk?"

He looked up at me and nodded. "Absolutely. If this experiment works, and word gets back to the Volturi council, they'd have an extermination squad on the first plane out of Italy, and they wouldn't rest until they'd hunted us down."

"Okay, that's scary as hell. Why don't you sound more concerned about this?"

He put down his wrench and went to the side of the car, studying the dented chassis before carefully pulling at the metal. "I'm not worried because Carlisle lived in the Volturi compound for hundreds of years. He became very good friends with the three council members, and even better friends with their enemies. Like any government, there's a degree of backstabbing and betrayal within the ranks, and Carlisle was very careful to catalog those betrayals just in case they came in handy one day. I guess that time is now."

"So what's he going to do?"

"Well, at the moment he's simply laying the groundwork - talking to old acquaintances, getting a feeling for the current discontent within the court. He became very good friends with one of the Volturi's most powerful members - Chelsea. She has a special talent which enables her to strengthen or weaken bonds of loyalty. She's the main reason the Volturi didn't disintegrate into a mess of takeovers and power struggles a millennium ago. She keeps all the members of the guard loyal to the council, and members of the council loyal to their leader, Aro. Without her, the Volturi would fall apart."

He finished straightening out the final strut and wiped his hands on his jeans. "Carlise's been discussing our situation with her, knowing that she'd be a powerful ally should this transformation work. Her talent combined with Carlisle's knowledge of several major betrayals on Aro's part should keep us safe from any council retribution."

I frowned. "'Should' or 'will?' Because I have to be honest - the thought of a squad of terminator-style vampires coming after us makes my bladder extremely weak."

He walked over and cupped my face, kissing me and making me forget about my sudden need to urinate.

"Don't worry. Carlisle knows what he's doing. I mean, I know he looks all noble and full of integrity, but the man can manipulate with the best of them. In fact, I have a suspicion he helped Machiavelli write several of his manifestos. Never, ever play him at poker. He's a supreme strategist, and he never loses."

He kissed me again briefly before picking up a panel off the ground and pressing into the dented metal, smoothing it out with his fingers.

I looked on in wonder. "Wow. Cheapest panel-beating ever."

He smiled as he continued to stroke the metal until it was completely smooth.

"And far less noisy than regular means. Sometimes vampire strength has its advantages."

I watched as he manipulated the metal, making it seem as though he were smoothing out tinfoil instead of thick steel.

"Are you going to miss this?" I asked. "Being able to do things because of your strength?"

He glanced up at me before taking the panel over to the car and reattaching it. "I never really think about my strength. I don't really use it that much in my day-to-day activities, except when I'm hunting of course, and I won't need to do that after the change. I notice it the most when I'm holding you, and at those times I wish I wasn't so strong, because I'd really like to be able to hug you without breaking every bone in your body."

I couldn't deny I wanted that too.

"But still ... doing this sort of thing ... it must be amazing to feel that sort of power."

He shrugged. "To be honest, if Jacob and the wolves are any indication, I'm still going to be freakishly strong, even after the change."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. When I've fought Jacob, his punches actually hurt. Do you know the strength required to make that happen?"

"But I'm not freakishly strong, and I've been changed by the wolf-blood."

He finished attaching the panel and stood, looking at me and smiling."Bella, I think you're stronger than you think."

I shook my head. "No, I'm really not. I mean, I feel a tiny bit stronger than usual, and maybe a little faster, but nothing like what you're talking about."

He put his hands on his hips. "Okay, let's test it out. Come over here." I walked to him and he indicated the bumper of the car. "Try to lift the car up."

I laughed. "Yeah, right."

He smiled before giving me a serious look. "No, really. Do it."

I looked at him in shock. "Edward, I can't ..."

"Just try."

He looked at me patiently, a hint of self-satisfaction behind his smile.

He really was infuriatingly handsome when he did that.

"I don't see the point of this," I muttered as I placed my hands under the bumper and bent my knees.

He leaned in so his mouth brushed against my ear. "Humor me."

Ironically, his cool breath made my face blaze like a forest fire.

Evil man.

I shot him a glare before bracing myself against the car, grunting with the effort as I tried to lift it. It came up about an inch before I gave up and exhaled in defeat.

"See? I told you. I'm just not wolf-strong."

He gave me a sly smile and then put his hand under the bumper. "Do you think you could lift it if I helped you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, duh. Of course."

"Okay, then. But before we do it, close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just do it. It'll help you concentrate better."

Sighing, I closed my eyes and reached down for the bumper again, gripping it firmly.

"Okay," he said, "on the count of three we lift. One ... two ... three ... "

I straightened my legs as the bumper dug into my palms, and although it lifted about three feet into the air, I was surprised that it wasn't a little easier with Edward helping.

"Bella, open your eyes."

I blinked a few times and looked around. Instead of being beside me, helping to lift the car, Edward was several feet away, leaning on the workbench and smiling.

"I didn't help you lift it at all. That's all you, sweetheart."

I looked down.

I was holding up the car.

Me.

By myself.

I'd lifted a small German car off the ground without any help.

_Oh dear God._

In shock, I dropped the car and stepped back as it crashed back to earth with a sickening crunch.

"Guess I'm going to have to replace the shock absorbers too," Edward said, laughing.

"That's impossible." I pointed at the car. "I can't lift a car. I can't."

"I don't mean to sound patronizing, but obviously you can."

My mind was reeling. "But ... how come I couldn't do it the first time?"

"Because you didn't believe you could. More to the point, you couldn't _conceive_that you could."

I glared at him. "Okay, now I don't mean to sound patronizing, but that's very Yoda of you, Edward."

He laughed. "What I mean is, you perceived you couldn't and so you didn't. It's like the elephants in India."

"I don't follow."

"When the elephants are given to their trainers as babies, the first thing the trainers do is chain their leg to a huge metal stake in the ground. When they're small, the elephant doesn't have the strength to move the stake, and so they associate it with being immobile. Of course, as years pass and the elephant grows, they never think to challenge the power of the stake. I mean, an eight ton elephant would easily be able to pull it from the ground, but they think they can't, and so they don't. If someone showed them that they could, well ... there'd be no stopping them. It's a matter of perception."

I looked at the car, still struggling to comprehend what I'd just done. Walking back over to it, I placed my hands under the cool chrome and lifted it. This time it felt even easier.

I put it down gently and exhaled. "Whoa."

"Just so you know," Edward said, his voice low, "you doing that is as sexy as hell."

I turned to find him staring at me, his jaw clenching and his eyes hooded.

"Now you know why I find your strength so sexy," I said, my heart rate increasing.

"I guess so. I honestly didn't think it was possible for me to find you more attractive, but apparently I can. This doesn't bode well for the condition of my pants. I'm pretty sure I just felt the denim around my crotch give way."

He continued to stare, still and unblinking, and even though we were several feet apart, my body blazed like he was pressed right up against me.

"Edward ... when you look at me like that ..."

"Like what?"

"Like you want to shred all my clothes and fuck me roughly."

In a flash he'd pushed me up against the car and was pressing himself against me. "Woman, I'm trying very hard to stop myself doing exactly that, but you're not making it easy."

I gasped as I felt just how turned on he was. "Well, apparently I like it hard."

Pushing my hand between us, I palmed him through his jeans, and the groan that echoed in his chest made me ache, low and deep, craving him in a way that I hadn't had him for months.

_God, I want him. It's so unfair that I can't make love to him anytime I like. I need him. Need him to ground me and tell me he's going to make it through this. Need him to let me show how much he means to me._

"I need to finish the car," he whispered, dropping his head to my shoulder as I continued to stroke him through the denim. "But tonight ... Isabella ... I need to have you. Please."

I stilled my hand. "You can ...? I mean, I thought we couldn't."

He looked at me with ink-black pupils and swallowed. "I've talked to Alice about it and ... well, she's confident I'll be able to control myself."

A sharp tremor of anticipation ran through me and my fingers involuntarily closed around him, making him grip my hips tighter.

"Bella, I need you. I've been aching for you for months. And tonight ... I want it to be special for us. I want to make love to you until the sun comes up."

He kissed me, hard and deep, and my breath caught as my heart rate skyrocketed, my skin flushing and blazing as he pushed his hands beneath my shirt and stroked my stomach. When he pulled away we were both breathless, and he briefly ran his nose along my throat before pulling back and sighing.

"But right now I have to stop or I'm not going to be able to. I just need an hour or two and I'll be done here."

I nodded and smoothed down my shirt before moving away from him so I could calm down.

I leaned against the workbench and sighed as he reached for another panel and worked the metal. "Why are you rushing to get this done?"

He shrugged. "I'm grateful for everything Jacob's done and I want to make sure he's rewarded."

"Yeah, I know, but it's not like you have to finish it today. You have time."

He stopped and looked up. "Bella, Carlisle has all the blood he needs, and we've done everything we can to prepare for the change. We're ..." A flicker of nervousness passed behind his eyes. "We'd like to try the transformation tomorrow morning."

My mouth suddenly went bone-dry, but I tried not to let it show. If he knew he'd think I was worried, and I wasn't. I was fine. Everything was going to be fine.

Totally fine.

"Oh. Okay."

"I know it seems soon, but ... Carlisle wants to use the blood while it's fresh ..."

"Of course."

"He thinks there'll be less risk that way."

"Sure. Less risk."

_There are no risks. He'll be fine._

_He will be._

"I wanted to get the car done tonight. Just to ... finish it."

I nodded.

_Sure. Finish it._

_And you need to make love to me tonight for the same reason?_

"But you could finish it after the change," I offered, my voice cracking.

He nodded but didn't say anything, and I knew what that silence meant.

He wanted to get it finished just in case.

_Just in case..._

"I get it."

A huge lump formed in my throat and I walked out of the garage before I could start crying. In a flash Edward's chest was in front of me and he had his arms around my waist.

"Hey ... wait."

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

"I just can't think about ... that, you know?"

"We have to. Bella ..."

"No."

"We need to talk about it sometime."

"We really don't."

"I have ... things ... I need to discuss with you."

I stood on my toes and grabbed his face, kissing him hard and deep, stopping him from talking about it the only way I knew how. Making it so he couldn't say the words I absolutely couldn't face hearing.

He froze for a moment, and I thought he was going to pull away ... demand to talk instead. But then he inhaled as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back, understanding. Knowing I wasn't ready.

Letting me win.

For now.

Maybe he understood how much I needed him to just love me in that moment, because I felt like every second that brought us closer to the change took me further away from him, and each time I tried to convince myself that everything was going to be fine, another little layer of confidence peeled off, flaky and transparent, floating away like ash, revealing the raw, tangled mess of emotions underneath.

We kissed and touched for long minutes until we were both breathless and he couldn't take it anymore. Then he moved away, and without saying anything went back to working on the car.

I stayed with him, silently watching him work, shamelessly drinking in every movement and plane of his face and body. When the urge to touch him became too great, I'd go over and stroke his face, or touch his arm, or kiss him, or wrap myself around his body and squeeze until the urge to scream out all of my tension went away. And when the car was as complete as he could make it, we held hands and went into the backyard, watching the world's strangest ever game of 'Capture the Flag' until the sun started sinking behind the mountains.

As the dusk faded into night, the wolves phased back to their human forms and came to say their goodbyes. I figured that everyone had heard about the change happening in the morning because judging from the looks on some of their faces, they never expected to see Edward again.

_Well, they were wrong._

_So wrong._

Jake hugged me and whispered that everything would be all right, but by then my heart was pounding so loudly in my ears, I barely heard him.

After they left we all headed inside, and I knew without discussing it that Edward and I would be spending the evening with his family.

_One last night._

Everyone acted like it was just another night, talking and joking as usual, but nothing could disguise the simmering anxiety in the room. Edward was the center of attention, his brothers and sisters teasing him and telling stories; calling him names and reminiscing about the decades they'd spent together. Even Carlisle and Esme joined in, telling funny anecdotes about Edward in the sixties, or Edward in the eighties, and even though I smiled, and laughed, and acted unaffected, to me the whole night felt like a wake. A celebration of his life in the face of imminent death.

_He's not going to die. He's not. He can't._

When midnight rolled around, Edward took my hand and led me upstairs. When we were safely behind our closed door, he took me in his arms and kissed me - softly and reverently, like he was memorizing the feel of my lips, the sweep of my tongue; the sensation of my skin under his gentle mouth.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he whispered against my neck, his breath making my skin tingle. "I hope you do because I don't have words passionate enough to describe it."

Slowly, he moved me back toward the bed, peeling off my clothes as he went, making me shiver and ache as he cataloged every piece of skin available to him. He laid me on the bed, and silently explored parts of me he hadn't touched in far too long, and although I felt his bloodlust simmering beneath the surface, I knew I was safe. Tonight he had as much control as he needed to do all the things he wanted. More than enough to show me how much he loved me.

He kissed and stroked me, and brought me more pleasure than I thought I was capable of enduring, and when I tugged desperately at his clothes, he let me remove them. until finally he was on top of me, naked and breathless, looking at me like he was memorizing my every expression.

I stroked his face as he nudged my legs apart, and then his features melted into absolute wonder as he pushed inside me, his eyes closing as his fingers punctured the sheets beside my head, swallowing his venom as he groaned and whispered how much he loved me. And then he was moving, rocking back and forth, and I couldn't help the tears of gratitude that flowed over my cheeks as I felt the completeness of having him joined with me once more. How our bodies sighed in relief and screamed to never be parted. How every stroke and thrust reinforced the unbreakable bonds of love, devotion, and destiny that tied me to him regardless of what happened in the morning.

Our movements were passionate but unhurried, as though neither one of us wanted it to end, but eventually we couldn't hold back any longer. I came seconds before he did, gripping his shoulders as he buried his fingers in the wrought-iron headboard, the metal creaking as he clenched his teeth together, the look of absolute ecstasy and torture on his face heartbreaking to behold.

_Soon_, I told myself, _he'll be able to make love to me and only feel pleasure, not pain._

Wrapping my arms around him, I held him to me as he regained control and finally sighed as he nestled against my neck, breathing in huge lungfuls of my scent as if he were savoring the acidic burn for the last time.

We held each other like that for a while, just breathing and stroking, and as the dark tangle of anxiety twisted inside me again, I wondered how I was going to ever let him go.

It turned out I couldn't, or wouldn't, and so we stayed entwined in each other all night, talking, and touching, and making love time and again, ignoring the way my eyes became more and more desperate, and the way his became ravenously dark. Even when sun began to stream in through the window, signaling that our time together was over, I couldn't let him go, even though I knew I had to.

He looked at me for long minutes, his eyes raking over every part of my face as he swallowed, time and again, and I knew he'd reached the limit of his control. In fact, I suspected he'd reached it hours ago but refused to admit that he had to leave. He cursed under his breath as he climbed out of bed and pulled on his clothes, swearing that he'd hunt as quickly as possible.

When he leaned over and kissed me, I resisted the urge to wrap myself around him and beg him not to go. But I did, reluctantly pulling back and watching as he jumped from the window and sprinted into the forest.

The moment he left my sight my heart rate spiked, and the cloying tension that had been steadily building all night expanded inside of me until I felt like my skin was going to explode off of my bones.

Fighting to control the panic, I turned on the shower and stood beneath the spray, chanting, "He'll be all right," over and over again until I convinced myself it was true. When I could breathe again, I got out and dried myself, repeating my mantra as I got dressed, using it to bind up the violently painful doubts that were clawing at the inside of my chest.

I walked downstairs as if every step wasn't torture, and when Esme hugged me good morning, I bit my tongue to stop myself from falling apart. I couldn't even pretend to be hungry, so I politely declined her offer of breakfast. Trying to look as in-control as possible, headed down to the basement.

Carlisle was there, fiddling and preparing, laying out everything he would need to transform his son back into a human. Alice was there too, and she came over and hugged me, whispering that I wasn't alone. That they were all there for me.

And for Edward.

I nodded and willed myself to be numb, because the pain was too much. I felt like my ribs were cracking and my muscles were pulling away from my bones. Like my heartbeats were stabbing me with iron spikes and poison-dipped daggers. But I swallowed all of that down and smiled, telling Alice that I knew everything was going to be fine, and that Edward would be okay.

Because he would be.

He had to be.

Because I couldn't consider any other possibility without falling into a screaming mess on the floor and never getting up again.

When I got back to the bedroom, Edward was there, sitting on the edge of the bed in a robe, freshly showered and looking pensive, a thick folder of papers beside him.

The look on his face was something I didn't want to see, and I knew he wanted to discuss something I absolutely didn't want to hear.

"They're pretty much ready for you downstairs," I said, and my voice sounded so much stronger than it felt.

"Bella ..."

_He'll be fine. He'll be fine. He'll be fine._

"Edward, I think we should just go ..."

"Sweetheart ..."

_Please don't. I can't. You know I can't._

"Carlisle has everything laid out," I said, my heart pounding and my voice becoming shrill. "We should go. You have a whole new life waiting. And me. I'll be waiting too."

He stood and my blood was rushing in my ears. Too fast. Too loud. Panicked and deafening.

"Bella, we need to talk about what could happen... "

"No, we don't," I said, and I knew I was too loud, but I couldn't help it.

"We do." He was quiet, but definite.

"It's going to work, Edward. End of discussion." I was less definite, because I was just hoping. I wanted it to be fact but it was desperate optimism. A clutching, suffocating need for him to survive.

"Isabella ..."

He walked over to me, but I pushed away his supportive arms and avoided his sympathetic eyes, because he was making me think about it and I couldn't. Everything I'd bound up was splitting and fraying, pulling me apart at the seams.

"Bella... "

"Edward, please ..." It was hoarse and rough. Barely a whisper.

"We have to talk about it."

I took a deep breath and grit my teeth, trying to hold myself together. "I can't."

"Please, Bella. There are things I need to tell you. I know it's hard ..."

"It's not hard. It's impossible."

"Look at me."

I did as he asked, and I could tell how hard this was for him too. How he was barely holding himself together as much as I was.

"I need to do this. Please."

Taking my hand, he led me over to the bed and urged me to sit down. Then he handed me the folder, taking a deep breath and letting it out before starting, his voice soft and full of emotion.

"Bella ..." He looked at me, struggling to stay composed. "Trying to tell you what I need to ... I don't have the right words. Because you ... you're everything to me. And after being alone for so long, I ... I never thought that I would ever find someone I could love with my entire heart, and I certainly never thought I'd find someone who would love me back just as passionately, but ..." he looked down at our joined hands and stroked my fingers, "... you did. You saw past all my flaws and monstrous faults, and loved me in a way I never thought possible. In a way I could have never imagined, even in my most unlikely fantasies."

He swallowed heavily and looked up, touching my face as he gazed at me lovingly. "You are the most beautiful, sexy, remarkable, and astounding woman I've ever met, and every moment I've spent with you has been a blessing ... something I'll treasure forever ... and if you know nothing else for the rest of your life, know that I love you with my every corner of my heart, soul, body, and mind. No man has ever loved a woman as much as I love you."

I bit the inside of my cheek as my tears fell, and I couldn't say anything back because my throat was closing more with every passing second. But I was sure he knew I felt the same way because it was written all over my tear-stained face, and he could no doubt hear it in every painful, love-swollen beat of my heart.

He kissed me gently, but when he pulled back, I didn't let go. I couldn't. He told me he loved me, and I wanted to leave it at that. That was enough. He didn't need to say anything else.

"Bella," he said, gently pulling my hands away from his face, "I know you don't want to talk about this but ... we really have to. Before anything else happens today, I need you to know ... "

He put a hand on the file in my lap. "This is ... you need to have this. I've been alive for a long time, and during that time I've acquired a certain amount of ... wealth. Everything I own is in this file. And it's now yours."

I looked up at him in shock, and he squeezed my hand.

"I'm sorry this is so ... businesslike. I wanted it to be ..." He took a breath, gathering himself. "If circumstances were different, I'd have done this the right way. Asked you to marry me ... to make things legal between us before ... " He swallowed and looked down. "Well, anyway. I've signed it all over to you. Everything. So if anything happens to me ..."

A sob escaped my chest before I could stop it, and everything hurt - every cell and organ and flesh-piercing bone, and my lungs seized up when I thought of any of this being necessary.

"Don't. Please ... I can't ..."

"Bella, listen to me." He took my face in his hands, but I couldn't look at him. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't swallow, and he couldn't be asking me to think about this. "More than anything I want everything to go absolutely according to plan today, and tomorrow morning I want to wake up as the flesh and blood man you deserve to live out your days with, but if that doesn't happen, I want you to have everything. It's all yours. Everything you'll ever need."

I wanted to say that the only thing I'd ever need was him, but I could hardly breathe, let alone speak.

"There are shares and property in there, my collection of cars, as well as several charitable foundations that I started. There are bank accounts both here and overseas, and the names of my financial advisers who'll continue to manage the funds, if that's your wish. You'll never have to worry about money again, and you'll never have to work, especially not at a diner. You can make sure Charlie retires in style and visit your mother as often as you like. I want you to go to college and travel and swim with dolphins in the Bahamas if you so desire. And more than that, I want you to promise that you'll do it. That you'll go on living and have a full life. That you won't waste time mourning me if - "

"STOP IT!"

I pulled his hands off my face and dragged in a lungful of air as my fear finally screamed out of me.

"JUST FUCKING STOP! You can't talk about this because IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! You absolutely can't leave me, do you hear me, Edward? I DON'T CARE that this hasn't been done before and is probably impossible! I DON'T CARE! You're going to come back to me! I don't care if you have to move heaven and earth and defy God himself to make it happen! YOU'RE COMING BACK! Don't you dare think that you're not! DON'T YOU DARE! "

Sobs wracked my body as I clutched the lapels of his robe, babbling through tears and gasping breaths, ordering him to do things that I knew were out of his control but needing him to do them anyway.

"Promise me you won't leave me," I begged into his chest, crying so hard I was shaking. "Please. You can't. Don't. Please. Promise."

His chest hitched as he held me against him, his voice low and emotional, whispering assurances into my hair. Guaranteeing things he knew he couldn't.

"Sssh, sweetheart ... please," he murmured against my ear. "I won't leave you. Ever. I couldn't... I promise. I love you. God, Bella, I love you so much. I'll always love you."

"Say you'll come back to me."

"I will."

"Say you'll come back and ask me to marry you. I want to be married to you."

He pulled back and gazed at me, his eyes more full of emotion than I'd ever seen them. "You ... you're saying that you would? If I asked?"

"_When_you ask," I said, trying to sound strong amid my tears. "And yes. Of course the answer would be 'yes'."

His face crumbled as he pulled me into his chest. "God, Bella. Being your husband would make me the happiest man on the planet. I'll make it happen. Whatever it takes. Please don't cry. I can't ... I can't see you in pain like this. Please."

He held me tighter and we just held each for a while, both of us crying, him without tears.

Finally, when I could gather myself enough to speak, I pulled away and looked up at him.

"Earlier ... in the garage ..." I said, touching his face, "... when I lifted the car, you spoke about perception. You said that because I wasn't able to conceive of moving the car the first time, I couldn't do it. Well, I can't conceive of living without you, so this thing is going to work, okay? It's absolutely going to work."

He nodded, pulling my hand to his mouth and kissing my palm. "It's going to work. I can't imagine it not working either."

I stroked his face, running my fingers across his eyebrows before trailing over his cheekbones and down to his jaw. Sucking in a ragged breath, I said, "Are you just saying that because you know it's what I need to hear? Or are you saying it because you truly believe it?"

He leaned in and spoke against my lips, pulling my hands against his chest so that when he spoke, I felt the vibration in my bones. "I truly believe it."

He said it so passionately, and with such conviction, that something inside of me let go, and a kind of Zen calm descended upon me.

_It's going to work._

And for the first time in nearly four days, I was finally able to breathe again.

...

...

...

* * *

**Because this final chapter was getting incredibly long, I decided to split it into two updates. Part 2 will be posted in a few days****. I'll save my sappy A/N telling you all how much you mean to me for then.**

**Thank you so much for reading,**

**Kiya x**


	28. Breathe Again Part 2

**Update: August 10th, 2011**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. However, I do own a rather large bottle of red wine that I'm now going to demolish.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 28 - Breathe Again (Part 2)**

My back hit the wall beside the door as he pushed his hands under my shirt, cool fingers stroking and gripping me as his mouth did things that made me want to forget all about the transformation and drag him back into bed.

"We have to go." He panted, kissing across my jaw and down my neck.

_No. Just keep doing that. Never stop._

I wound my fingers into his hair and tugged as he sucked lightly on my clavicle. The nearness of his teeth sent a shiver of fear through me, and part of me wondered if I'd miss that - the danger of him. His bloodlust.

It was just one more thing that made me nervous about the change. That made me crave each of these last moments with him.

"Bella …"

"I know. We should have been downstairs ages ago."

"Well, then," he said through clenched teeth, fisting my shirt like he was resisting ripping it open, "you're seriously going to have to stop touching me like that, or we're never getting out of here."

I hadn't realized I'd pulled open his robe until I looked down and saw my hands trailing over his chest and stomach. At the thought of taking my hands off of him, my fingers curled reflexively, digging into the flesh just above the waistband of his underwear.

"Bella ..." He groaned. "I don't think you're fully grasping the concept of 'stop touching me.' "

He leaned forward, trailing his hands down my back and sliding up to my ribcage, making me grip him even harder. Refusing to let go.

"Okay, fine," I said, my heartbeat going crazy-fast as I kissed him all over his chest. "But you stop first."

He cupped my breast. "Can't. Impossible."

"Ditto."

I sucked on his neck and he hissed in pleasure. "Jesus, Bella ..."

"Edward, I need you. Please."

He made a noise in his chest as he gave in, picking me up effortlessly as I wrapped my legs around him, his mouth stifling the sounds I made as he ground against me.

We'd been trying to get out of the bedroom for a good twenty minutes, but every time we got close to the door it was like there was an invisible barrier that whispered to all of our insecurities about what was going to happen today. Despite our bravado that everything would work, we had to let go of everything we were now in order to become what we could be, and that was proving more difficult than either of us had imagined. Our accompanying sense of anxiety seemed to compel us to touch each other like our lives depended on it. It was both unbelievably arousing and kind of annoying.

"Seriously," he said as I nibbled at his jaw, "you have to stop. They're all waiting."

"I want you inside me."

He groaned and pulled back to glare at me. "Bella -"

"I know we don't have time, and I know it's not fair to say that right now, but, God, Edward … I want you. I can't pretend I'm not desperate for you, because I am."

There was a rumble low in his chest as he shoved me back into the wall, splaying his hands under my thighs, his long fingers squeezing me almost to the point of pain.

"Do you think you could possibly want me as much as I want you?" he demanded roughly, his hands suddenly everywhere and his voice pained. "Do you have any idea how much I want you? How I want to take comfort in your body? Goddammit,Bella ... "

He kissed me again, harder than before, rocking his pelvis against me in a way that drove me out of my mind with need.

_How can I possibly stop, or expect him to, when this might be the last time we'll feel like this? When he wakes up, will everything between us be different? Will we still be slaves to this wild, passionate hunger for each other? Or will that be transformed along with his body? _

We continued to move against each other, desperate hands and mouths lingering for as long as possible, but no matter how many doubts plagued me, or how much I wanted him to keep going, we both knew we had to stop. The wolf-blood wasn't getting any fresher, and it was well past the time to let go of each other and face whatever was going to happen in the basement.

He grunted in frustration and tore his mouth away, both of us panting heavily as I slid down his body. Gripping the lapels of his robe, I leaned my forehead against his chest, dizzy and aching, wishing we had more time.

We just stood there for long minutes, breathing together and trying to work up the will to separate.

It felt like an impossible task.

"I hate this," I whispered, pressing my cheek to his silent chest. "I want this change to work so badly, but I don't want to let you go. Whenever I take my hands off of you I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and let out all of my crazy."

He rubbed my back and sighed. "I know. I feel the same way. But then I always feel this way around you. I was an extremely sane man before you came into my life. Completely miserable and self-flagellating, but sane."

I sighed wistfully. "I love watching you self-flagellate. Your bicep bulges very impressively when it's wrapped around your glorious -"

His laugh cut me off, and the sound vibrated through my cheek, making me smile.

He pulled back and looked down at me, furrowing his brows in sexy disapproval. "Please stop making me want to do very bad things to you. You're making me acutely aware that I'm only wearing boxer-briefs under this robe and will soon be in a room with my entire family. I may not have a lot of shame, but what little I do possess is uncomfortable with the thought of them witnessing my rather obvious erection."

I glanced down at the impressive length straining against his underwear and had to swallow the rush of saliva that flooded my mouth.

"Edward," I said, fingering the elastic, "I think it's best if we just stop talking and open the door, otherwise I'm going to do something that we're both going to really regret. And by 'regret'' I mean 'enjoy so much that we'd both come loudly.' "

He stared at me hungrily, and my thighs lit up like they were covered in napalm. "I hope you realize that your threat of forcible pleasure doesn't dissuade me in the slightest from wanting to fuck you."

"I could say the same thing about your giant erection."

"I'm glad that's clear."

"Open the door."

"Now?"

"If you want to avoid me forcibly pleasuring you with my mouth, then yes."

"But I need time to ... calm down."

"Do you honestly think your family isn't used to seeing you with a permanent hard-on by now? Please. Think of that time you caught Carlisle and Esme doing it in the kitchen as we head downstairs. We'll walk slowly."

He ran his hands through his hair and exhaled, pulling his robe around himself firmly before tying the belt. It really did nothing to disguise what was underneath.

"After this change, we're not going to leave this bedroom for a week," he grumbled as he opened the door, leading me down the hallway. "Put that appointment in ink. And don't be surprised if I burn all of your clothes. I want you completely naked, twenty-four hours a day. I'm going to make love to you morning, noon, and night. Maybe twice a night. Three times if the mood hits me. If that doesn't get rid of my erectile issue, nothing will."

While what he said was wildly arousing, it was the way in which he said it that soothed me. There wasn't a hint of doubt in his voice. No entertaining the possibility that we wouldn't be making love constantly after the procedure worked.

His certainty was thrilling, and as he gripped my hand firmly, his cool palm pressed against the warmth of mine, I knew that when the time came to let him go - this version of him, anyway - I'd be okay.

...

When we descended into the basement, Edward's family was waiting, as well as the Denali sisters and Jessica. The mood was somber, but there was also an air of expectation. If this transformation worked, it would open up a whole new world to the vampires; one which would enable them to choose their future path. It wasn't lost on me that Irina and Kate in particular were hopeful about the process. After over a millennium of un-life, I suspected they were eager to explore the greener pastures of finite humanity.

Knowing that Edward needed some time with his family, I stood back while he hugged everyone, speaking to his brothers and sisters quietly before moving to his mother and father. Esme's face crumbled as she hugged him, gripping the back of his robe as he whispered words of reassurance. Then he turned to hug Carlisle. The two men held each other for a long time, and when he eventually pulled back, Carlisle patted his son on the shoulder and gave him a look that said, "I love you," without actually saying the words. Edward swallowed and nodded, squeezing his father's arm.

"Carlisle," he said quietly, "I know I haven't always seemed grateful to you for saving me from death, but I am. And not only for that, but also for showing me how to be a man when all I thought I could be was a monster. You're ..." He took a deep breath. "You're truly the most inspirational person I've ever known, and for all these years, even when I wasn't proud of myself, I was proud of you, and incredibly grateful to be able to call you 'father.' Thank you for everything you've done for me."

Carlisle patted his shoulder, obviously emotional, and after a few seconds of composing himself he said, "I really hope you still feel that way after what I'm about to do to you. Please remember, I do it with love. And because you pretty much ordered me to."

Suddenly, the tension in the room increased because we all recognized that it was time. Edward took a deep breath before removing his robe and lying down on the steel bench. Carlisle closed the metal cuffs over his wrists and ankles, and I flinched as they clicked loudly into place.

"Is that really necessary?"

Carlisle glanced at me. "Unfortunately, yes. As you've already witnessed, metabolizing the wolf-blood is excruciating. If we don't restrain him, he could hurt himself, or someone else. He could also destroy the equipment."

"Are those things even going to hold him?" Emmett asked. "They look pretty flimsy."

"They're a new alloy developed by researchers at NASA. They're supposed to be twice as strong a titanium. If they don't hold him, nothing will. I've had all the needles specially made too. Penetrating vampire skin isn't exactly easy."

I walked over and looked down at Edward. He smiled at me, his face surprisingly serene and unworried.

"You okay?" I asked quietly.

"Well, this bench is freezing my ass off, but otherwise, yes. I'm fine."

"This is going to work, you know."

He looked at me with unbound tenderness, and my heart expanded in my chest, too full of love. "I know."

"I love you."

His smile widened. "I know that too. Now kiss me so we can get started. I'd like to be human in time for the weekend. I have some partying to do."

I leaned over and kissed him, not caring about all of the eyes watching, and I said a silent prayer to God, Jesus, and all the saints that the next time we kissed, his lips would be soft and warm.

"Don't forget your promise to come back to me," I whispered against his ear.

"Not a chance."

I sighed and stepped back, watching as Carlisle attached the electrodes to his body and ran final checks on the equipment.

"Emmett. Camera."

Emmett pulled out a video camera and focused it on Edward. Then he hit a button and the small recording light came on.

Carlisle took a deep breath and turned to his son.

"Ready?"

Edward swallowed and nodded. "Ready."

Carlisle gave him a confident smile before picking up a large cardiac syringe full of wolf-blood. He positioned the needle to the side of Edward's sternum. "Okay. Here we go."

Carlisle pushed the needle into Edward's chest and depressed the plunger, watching his son carefully as he removed the needle and grabbed another one from the metal tray beside him. Edward was motionless for a second, but then his whole body tensed, his jaw clenching against the pain, a muffled scream coming from behind his gritted teeth. Squeezing his eyes shut as Carlisle plunged another syringe into his heart, his body arched off the table as he screamed in earnest, his cries of agony incredibly loud in the quiet space.

"Bellaaaa!"

His voice was rough and desperate, and I understood what he was asking for. Racing over to him, I gently stroked his face and neck as he convulsed in pain, trying to offer him some comfort from the unimaginable torture he was enduring.

"I'm here," I said softly, trying not to cry. "You're doing so well. So, so well."

A strangled scream came out of him, straining his throat, and I tried to remain calm knowing that this was just the beginning. There were hours of this torture to go, maybe days. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Every second in this type of agony must have felt like an eternity to him.

_Please, God, let it be over quickly. Don't keep him in this torment. _

The room was silent except for Edward's cries, all of us watching and waiting for something more to happen. Carlisle frowned and watched the monitors, his fingers flying across the equipment.

"His heart isn't starting," he said. "The cardiac tissue is regenerating, but because his heart isn't pumping, the blood isn't moving through his system. It's just pooling inside his atria. If we don't hurry the venom will reverse the regeneration."

Edward screamed again, the sound cracking my heart into a million pieces.

"Carlisle, do something!"

He turned to where the Denali sisters were standing across the room.

"Kate! I need you."

In a flash Kate was beside him. He took her hands and placed one in the middle of Edward's chest and one beneath his heart.

"Shock him. Hard."

Kate looked nervous for a moment, but then she frowned in concentration, pressing her hands down as she pumped Edward full of electricity. Edward bellowed in agony, his back lifting off the table. The shriek of rending metal filled the air as one of the steel cuffs holding him down split apart. His clenched fist raised into the air before slamming down onto the bench, embedding itself in the hard surface.

An inhuman sound echoed in his chest as he wrenched his hand free, and I watched in horror as he clawed at his chest, his fingernails gouging into his skin.

"Edward! Stop!"

"Get it out!" he screamed, as Carlisle grabbed his hand to stop him. "It's not working! Get it out!"

I reached out to comfort him but he wrenched his hand free and slammed it back down into the bench, narrowly missing my arm. Carlisle held up his hand in warning.

"Bella! Step back! Jasper! Hold him down!"

Suddenly, I was pushed out of the way as Jasper grasped Edward's flailing arm, pressing it back down onto the bench and securing it with both hands.

"Still no heartbeat," Carlisle said, his voice low and concerned. "Shock him again, Kate. Harder."

Kate placed her hands on Edward's chest again, her forehead furrowing. She pumped even more electricity into his heart.

Edward screamed, crazed with the pain, and then I heard a wet sobbing. It was only when I brought my hands up to my face and felt the tears that I realized it was me.

The sounds Edward was making were heart wrenching; a soul-deep agony that made me want to take it all into me so he wouldn't have to endure it.

Panic filled the room as Carlisle frantically grabbed a syringe of adrenalin and plunged it into Edward's chest, eliciting another blood-curdling scream.

"Shock him again!" he ordered Kate, his voice more panicked than I'd ever heard it. "Now!"

Kate obeyed, shocking him hard before stepping back and looking at Carlisle.

He scowled at the screen and cursed under his breath. Edward's screams were almost deafening in their intensity, the tendons and muscles in his neck bulging and straining, his voice sounding more animalistic every second.

"Again, Kate!" Carlisle yelled. "As much as you can give him!"

Kate took a deep breath and closed her eyes, and the second before she laid her hands on Edward's chest, all of the hairs on my arms stood on end; the air around her humming with electricity.

A sharp snap of energy echoed in the room as Edward arched off the bench, his body rigid and vibrating with the force of Kate's power. After several long seconds of hovering above the bench, Kate removed her hands. He slumped back down, groaning weakly.

Looking at Carlisle expectantly, I heard a low beeping coming from the equipment. I had to hold onto Alice to stop myself from stumbling as I realized what it was.

"We have a heartbeat," Carlisle said, relief flooding his face. "Thank you, God. His heart is beating."

_His heartbeat. _  
_The first sound his heart has made in nearly a century._

It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard.

Suddenly, Edward's low groans escalated into full-throated screams as the wolf-blood in his heart was pushed through his dry arteries, painfully regenerating his ancient flesh, inch by inch, cell by cell, organ by organ.

Carlisle was a blur of movement, quickly attaching a transfusion needle to Edward's arm, a long tube connecting it to a bag of blood hanging on a stainless steel pole. Edward's screams got louder still with the new influx of blood, and his convulsions became more violent. Suddenly there was the sound of screaming metal. All the cuffs restraining him gave way, and there was a flurry of panic as Esme, Alice and Rosalie dashed to hold him down.

"Holy shit," Emmett muttered behind his camera. "How the fuck did he do that?"

"Bellaaaa!" Edward cried, his voice so raw I could barely understand him.

I moved to the top of the bench near his head, leaning over so he could see me, caressing his face and running my hands though his hair.

"I'm here," I said, watching in awe as smooth, pink skin appeared in the middle of his chest and began spreading. "Oh, God, Edward ... it's working. It's actually working."

I continued stroking him as he grit his teeth against the pain, and with every passing minute, more and more of his body turned pink, tiny capillaries of dark blood blooming beneath the surface.

Carlisle placed a needle in his opposite arm and attached another bag of blood. Edward reacted by roaring in pain and clenching his arm violently, pulling Esme off-balance.

"He's unbelievably strong." She grunted as she struggled to hold him still.

"Understandably," Carlisle said, stepping in to help her. "Right now he has the combined strength of a vampire and a wolf. I'm surprised he's not throwing us all around the room like ragdolls."

As if to demonstrate, Edward contracted all of his limbs and everyone jolted inward, struggling to find their footing again as they tried to pin him down.

Jasper frowned, gripping Edward's forearm with both hands and forcing it down onto the bench. "His strength is incredible. I'm using everything I have on him and he's still able to move."

"Imagine what would happen if there weren't five of us on him," Alice said, her voice straining. "This whole place would be destroyed."

When Edward had been sufficiently restrained, Carlisle went over to study the thermal picture of his body on the monitor, the bright blue of his extremities slowly being infiltrated by thin fingers of invasive pink; cool venom replacing warm blood.

"His strength will fade soon," he said, turning to check the flow of the transfusion. "The wolf-blood is infiltrating his cells, destroying the venom. Though to be honest, I had predicted the venom giving less of a fight than this. It's proving unexpectedly resistant."

Again proving Carlisle's words accurate, Edward coughed loudly, and a bright spray of blood landed on his chest, thick and glistening on his skin.

My stomach churned. "Oh, God."

Carlisle swore under his breath. "His body is trying to reject the blood, expelling it through the blood vessels in his lungs. I suspected this may happen. The two elements are fighting for control."

I looked away from the dribble of dark crimson running down Edward's chin. "What do we do?"

"Nothing. We just have to wait. The blood is still being absorbed but slowly. We have to be patient."

He exchanged a nearly empty blood bag for a full one, and we all watched in horror as Edward continued to cough up blood, his lungs sounding more wet with every passing second. The beeping from the heart monitor sped up dramatically, and my heart matched its rhythm, pounding so hard it hurt.

"Come on, son," Carlisle whispered, tapping his fingers on the edge of the table. "Just hang in there. Just a little while longer."

Edward coughed again as another a huge spray of blood splattered over his chest. I swallowed bile and continued smoothing his hair, pouring every ounce of energy I had into wishing him through this.

_Please, Edward. Stay with me. Don't leave. You promised. Don't forget your promise._

Carlisle frowned at the monitor, studying it closely.

"If the wolf-blood doesn't regenerate the damaged blood vessels soon, I'll have to drain his lungs, but I really don't want to do that unless absolutely necessary. Any step backward at this point could be disastrous."

Another coughing fit hit Edward, and he gagged, struggling to take a breath. The heart monitor sped up even more, the incessant beeping sounding more and more like a blaring alarm.

"Carlisle!"

"Just a few more minutes ..."

"He's dying!"

"No, he's not. His body is just fighting itself. Trust me, Bella."

"He can't breathe!"

"He'll be okay."

I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw to stop myself from screaming.

_Edward, please. You can do this. You're strong. _

Suddenly he wrenched his foot free from Alice and slammed it down, his heel burying itself in the metal bench as he gasped for air, a horrible wet rattling echoing inside of him.

"Carlisle, please!"

"Bella, he's getting through it. Just be patient."

"How can you say that when the man I love is drowning in blood?"

"His lungs aren't fully regenerated yet. Part of them requires oxygen and part of them doesn't. I can't do anything about that. If he doesn't improve soon I'll intubate him, but until then you need to try and stay calm."

I cried in frustration and inhaled a huge lungful of air, trying to will Edward to do the same.

He was wheezing alarmingly, the veins in his neck bulging as he struggled to breathe. Leaning down, I brushed his hair away from his forehead as I whispered into his ear.

"I love you. You can do this. Please ... just breathe, okay? I know it's hard, but you have to. Breathe again ... for me."

He opened his eyes a little before squeezing them shut, and I held my breath when he dragged in a noisy lungful of air. His face contorted wildly as he tried not to cough, but then he couldn't contain it any longer; however, the amount of blood that came up seemed to be a little less.

"Yes, Edward," I said, fighting tears of relief, "that's it. Breathe. You're doing so well. I'm so proud of you."

He inhaled again, keeping the air inside him longer this time before coughing, and when the blood came, there was even less than before. Murmurs of relief spread around the room, and as his coughing fits became less and less frequent, the sharp beep of the heart monitor began to slow.

Ten minutes later, Edward had stopped coughing altogether, and his groans of pain became less urgent. Slowly, his body relaxed, his bunched limbs unwinding and shedding their tension. He let out a long, plaintive sigh. I stroked his face to soothe him, avoiding looking at the rivulets of blood that were sliding off of his chest and face and dripping onto the floor.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice raspy and hoarse.

"Hey," I said, relief flooding me as he opened his eyes. "I'm here."

He swallowed thickly and blinked, pain flickering across his face as he tried to smile, his teeth coated in blood. "I kept my promise."

I nodded and smiled, tears spilling down my cheeks. "You sure did. You're amazing."

"I love you," he whispered, barely audible.

And for a brief, beautiful moment, he looked up at me with the most stunning green eyes I'd ever seen before slumping into unconsciousness.

...

Bright clouds of stringy blood bloomed in the water as I rinsed out the wash cloth. Dragging it across his skin, I wiped away the thick splatters that coated most of his body. With my other hand I brushed my fingertips across his freshly-cleaned flesh, mesmerized, my breath catching.

_So soft. Beautiful. Perfect._

_Now, please wake up so you can see for yourself what an amazing man you are._

Beside me Alice and Rose cleaned the blood off the floor, but we all worked silently, the only sound in the room coming from the heart monitor, reassuring us that he was still alive.

At least his body was. When he'd passed out virtually all activity in his brain ceased, and I tried not to think about the implications of that as I continued to clean him.

"Bella?" I looked up to see Esme gazing at me with sad eyes. "Would you like me to help?"

I nodded, too emotional to speak. He was her son, and I knew she was feeling just as useless as the rest of us right now.

"We just have to wait," Carlisle said, hanging up a fresh bag of blood. Edward had taken in three pints already, but considering how much he'd coughed up, Carlisle wanted to transfuse him with at least another three to be confident the transformation was complete.

Even though the change was now moving steadily through his body, Carlisle was fixated on the cranial readouts on the screen. The cellular-imager indicated some brain activity, but it was extremely low. We all feared that perhaps Carlisle's prediction about Edward's mind rebooting itself had come to pass. Maybe everything that made him Edward was now gone, and he was just a freshly-reanimated body with no personality, or memories.

Or love.

Pushing down my panic, I swallowed and concentrated on wiping the blood from his face.

I looked down at Alice who was frowning in concentration as she scrubbed the floor. I knew she was trying desperately to see something; some small glimpse of what was going to happen, but she probably wouldn't be successful because the wolf-blood blocked her ability. Nevertheless, the fact that she refused to give up made me incredibly grateful.

Esme and I worked quietly, accepting fresh water from Emmett and Jasper until Edward was completely clean.

When we were done I looked down at him. He was so serene and beautiful, just like he was sleeping. I ran my finger down the warm skin of his face, feeling the beginnings of a five o'clock shadow on his jaw line.

He looked human.

Felt human.

And if I could stop thinking about him waking up as a vegetable, I'd probably be a lot more elated about that.

...

"Bella?"

Lifting my head from where it rested on Edward's hand, I opened my eyes and saw that, once again, Esme was looking at me with concern.

"You need to eat something, sweetheart. Please come upstairs so I can feed you."

I shook my head. "I'm not leaving him."

I uncurled my fingers from around Edward's, wincing as I worked the stiffness out of them before holding his hand again, marveling at how soft his skin was; warm and addictive.

"Well then let me bring you down a sandwich or something. You haven't eaten all day."

I looked over at the clock. It was nearly midnight. It had been over fourteen hours since Edward had fallen into unconsciousness, and in that time I hadn't left his side.

The rest of the Cullens were in various locations around the room, standing, sitting, talking quietly. The Denali sisters had taken Jessica hunting, and Carlisle was still staring at the monitors, desperately watching for any change, no matter how slight.

Jasper and Emmett had brought Edward's bed down to the basement, figuring it would be more comfortable for him than the dented and blood-spattered steel bench. Now Edward was lying under crisp white bedding, breathing quietly and looking like a sleeping prince.

I stroked his hand and said, "Really, Esme, I'm not hungry." I wasn't able to face the thought of food. "But I guess I could use some water."

Esme squeezed my shoulder gently and headed toward the stairs. I wasn't really thirsty either, but i knew she needed something to do. Someone to take care of. If she couldn't do anything for her son, I was happy for her to take care of me.

I put my head back down on the bed and sighed.

_Okay, Edward, it's time to wake up now. Please. Wake up and look at me and tell me you love me. That you know who I am. Please. Just do that for me._

I closed my eyes and kept talking to him silently until sleep engulfed me.

...

I woke to hushed voices, and everyone huddled around the monitors. Carlisle was Carlisle pointed at something.

"Hey," I said, sounding hoarse. "What's going on?"

Unable to keep the excitement out of his voice, Carlisle said, "The activity in Edward's brain has increased. It's not much, but it's a start."

I looked up at the screen, not having any idea what I was looking at, but relieved that there was at least some progress.

Looking back at Edward, I could see his eyeballs moving beneath his lids.

Was he dreaming? Or was it just some automatic response?

"Carlisle?"

He came over and examined his son before gently lifting his eyelids and shining a penlight into his pupils.

"Dilation is normal and even," he said, "so that's a good sign. It means the likelihood of brain-damage is minimal. Maybe the wolf-blood is just taking a little longer to regenerate his brain tissue than I'd originally anticipated. It's an incredibly complicated organ. Still, I'd like for him to wake up so I can see if his memory has been affected."

"How much longer is he going to be out?"

He sighed. "I really can't say. If the regeneration continues at the current rate? At least another eight hours. Maybe more. Then again, nothing about this process has been terribly predictable, so he could wake up in five minutes for all I know."

Edward's eyes continued to move beneath his eyelids, and I couldn't help but touch his face.

"But he will wake up, Carlisle, right? I mean, he's going to get better?"

Carlisle looked at me evenly, and I knew he wasn't going to tell me what I wanted to hear.

"That's what I keep telling myself."

...

I must have dozed off again because the next thing I knew, I was dreaming about making love to Edward, exploring every part of his freshly-human body with my hands and mouth, stroking and tasting and running my fingernails across hot skin. He whispered frantically about what he wanted me to do to him, where he wanted me to touch him, and when I obeyed his eyes rolled back into his head and he let out the most delicious groan, low and resonant, vibrating from his chest into mine.

I kissed him deeply and he moaned again, but somewhere in the corner of my brain I knew the noises he was making weren't from pleasure.

"Bella. Wake up."

_Esme? What?_

I jerked violently to find Edward squeezing my hand too tightly. He was groaning in pain, his face contorted and tense.

"Edward?"

"I think he's regaining consciousness," Carlisle said, and suddenly the bed was surrounded, everyone watching anxiously as Edward stilled before making another pained sound, this one a little louder.

"Edward?" Esme said, leaning over to touch his face. "Sweetheart? Can you hear us?"

He swallowed and frowned but didn't respond.

Emmett stepped forward nervously. "Come on, man. Open your eyes. This whole 'lying around' deal is getting boring. Wake up."

"Please, big brother," Alice said. "I miss you. Just wake up and say hi and then you can rest again, okay? Please ..."

Edward's face smoothed out, but he didn't wake up. His breathing slowed and his grip on my hand loosened.

_No! Edward, please!_

Carlisle sighed in disappointment. "He's gone under again. Maybe it's for the best. He's obviously in a lot of pain."

"Can't you give him something?" I asked. "Morphine?"

Carlisle shook his head. "Until I'm able to assess how all of his systems are functioning, I don't want to risk it. His nerves and synapses are still being reconfigured. Painkillers could impede the process."

He quickly set up a bag of saline and inserted the drip into Edward's hand. "I can, however, guard against dehydration. That's something he doesn't need to go through."

"Dehydration," Alice said in disbelief as she came over and ran her hand along Edward's arm. "It's so weird that he has to worry about stuff like that now. He's going to be able to eat again, and drink."

"And go to the bathroom," Emmett offered with a smirk.

"Oh, joy," Rose deadpanned. "I can't wait for the barrage of toilet humor we're about to be subjected to."

Emmett held up his hands defensively. "Babe, come on. What do you think I am? Five? Do you honestly believe I have nothing better to do than fixate on my brother's newly-acquired bodily functions? Please."

Rose glared at him, and he laughed. "Yeah, yeah, okay, but seriously, imagine how satisfying his first crap in a hundred years is going to be. They'll be able to hear his groan of satisfaction for miles!"

Rosalie grudgingly smiled. "God help us if we all become human again. My husband will brag about every single bodily function he'll ever experience."

"Not every one," Emmett corrected. "Just the gross ones."

There was a smattering of laughter, but it was short-lived and uncomfortable. Everyone was immensely relieved that Edward had survived, but the success of the transformation was soured by the uncertainty of what would happen now. The strain of not knowing what was going on inside his head was getting to all of us, and as the laughter faded, I noticed Alice staring at her brother, her face a mask of concern.

"Carlisle, what if he wakes up ... wrong? An amnesiac ... or worse?"

Carlisle looked at his daughter evenly. "Then we'll deal with it. Whatever happens, he's still Edward and we'll continue to love him. Nothing will ever change that."

Alice nodded, but I could tell she was on the verge of crying.

I was right there with her.

...

It was another five hours before Edward stirred again. Just like before it started with him gripping my hand, and then the groaning and frowning began. By the time everyone had gathered around he was moving his legs and clenching his other hand.

"He's moving," Jasper said. "That's a good sign, right?"

Carlisle nodded but looked concerned. "Yes, but I'd really like him to regain consciousness so I can assess his cognitive function."

I rubbed Edward's arm gently and he made a sound.

"Edward? Can you hear me?" His brows furrowed, but his eyes stayed closed.  
I leaned over so I could touch his face. "Please wake up. Just open your eyes. Let us know that you're okay."

He swallowed and squeezed his eyes tighter, and I gently stroked his eyelids, trying to coax him awake.

"Please ..." I said softly, my lips hovering above his cheek. "Come back to us. I miss you so much." I kissed his cheek and he made a sound low in his chest, a mix between a moan and a sigh. With his eyes still firmly closed, he touched my arm, gripping it briefly and then sliding his hand up to my shoulder, moving along my neck before cupping the back of my head. My heart beat faster and my stomach flipped when his fingers tightened in my hair, but I had no clue if he was awake or asleep.

"Edward?"

I'd barely made any sound, but my mouth was right above his, and as soon as I spoke his name his lips parted. He tightened his grip on my head, pulling me even closer, right down to his mouth. I brushed against his lips, kissing him softly and inhaling in surprise when he hesitantly kissed me back. It was just a small movement, a gentle sucking on my bottom lip, but it was enough for me to understand that he could feel what I was doing.

Emmett whispered, "Um ... this is a good sign, right? I mean, someone who's lost his mind doesn't randomly mack on his girlfriend."

"I have no idea what's going on right now," Carlisle answered. "His brain activity has just exploded, and his body ... it's blazing hot. His heart rate is spiking."

My breath caught as Edward moaned against my lips and kissed me deeper. I kissed him back, relief and love washing over me in equal measure, my heart exploding in my chest. But when I cupped his face and put my hand on his neck, he drew back suddenly, hissing in pain as his eyes snapped open.

He stared at me in shock, panting roughly, his eyes wide and confused.

"Edward?"

His brows furrowed and he stared at me, his mouth moving as though he was trying to form words but couldn't.

_Oh, God. He can't talk. He's forgotten how to talk._

_Please, no._

"Edward, please say something."

His gaze flickered to his family, and the confusion on his face increased.

"Sweetheart?" Esme said, her voice tremulous. "Please tell us you're okay."

He looked at her and frowned, then looked down at himself. He inhaled and held his hands in front of him, turning them over, fingers splayed and disbelief on his face.

Carlisle stepped forward slowly, approaching him like he was a wild animal. "Edward? How are you feeling?"

Edward ignored his father and pressed his hand over his heart, a sharp gush of air leaving him.

"Edward," Carlisle soothed, "it's all right. The transformation worked."

Carlisle stepped forward and touched Edward's shoulder, but he flinched back, fear and pain on his face.

"Edward," Esme said, emotion thick in her voice, "do you remember who we are? Do you know what day it is?"

Gazing at the faces around him, Edward scowled.

"I have no idea who the hell any of you are," he whispered, his voice hoarse. "Why am I here? Why do you all look so strange? Don't you people ever go out in the sun?"

A sudden wave of panic filled the room and my stomach dropped through the floor.

_God, no. Please, no. _

Tears welled in my eyes, but when I looked back at Edward, his face cracked into a smile and a low laugh bubbled out of him.

"Oh, ow. Laughing hurts. Sorry guys, I couldn't resist. You should have seen your faces. That was priceless."

There was shocked silence for a few seconds as his words sank in, and then the room erupted into laughter and indignant insults.

"You bastard!"

"Son, that really wasn't funny."

"Edward, how could you? We've been so worried!"

"Awesome fake-out, bro. Props for that one!"

"I hate you, Edward. God, I could slap you so hard right now."

"You know, you're human now, and it'd be REALLY easy to kill you."

Edward smiled as his family crowded around to embrace him, but they all stepped back when he cried out in pain.

"Ow. God, everything hurts. See, this is what I get for pulling my first practical joke in decades: ridiculous amounts of pain. Hardly seems fair considering what I've just been through."

I was still frozen, standing beside the bed, unable to stop the tears that spilled down my cheeks.

When he glanced at me, his face immediately dropped. "Oh, sweetheart ..." His voice lowered to a whisper. "Bella, no. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. It was supposed to be funny." He winced as he sat up and reached for me, grunting in pain when I threw myself at him and clung to him tightly.

"Well, it wasn't funny," I sobbed into his neck. "I thought I'd lost you. That you didn't know who I was ... or who you were. God, Edward ..."

He apologized again and stroked my hair, calming me. I could feel the gentle scratch of his chin against my forehead.

"I told you I could never forget you," he said softly. "You're the reason I exist. How could I possibly forget that?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him, unable to put into words how relieved I was he was okay. He nuzzled into my neck and inhaled, and when he immediately tensed, I drew back, nervous.

"Don't," he said, pulling me back in and burying his head into my throat, taking in huge lungfuls of air and tightening his grip on me.

"Edward?"

"You smell amazing."

He inhaled again, the tip of his nose grazing along my carotid artery in a disturbingly familiar way. His breathing was ragged and his grip too tight.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"I'm smelling you."

"I get that, but why?"

He sighed against my skin, and for the first time, I noticed how warm his breath was.

"You smell ... incredible ... and yet ... I don't want to kill you."

He pulled back and looked at me, a broad smile spreading across his face.

"For the first time since I met you, I don't want to kill you." He smiled, his whole face lighting up, and I smiled with him, unable to resist his infectious joy.

"I do, however, still want to eat you," he whispered, grabbing my face and kissing me deeply. I was vaguely aware of his family watching us, but I couldn't stop myself from kissing him back. It felt too good. _He _felt too good.

Perfect.

More perfect than I could have possibly imagined.

All of my doubts about how our passion would be affected by the change were completely unfounded. His kiss was just as debilitating as before, if not more so. The absence of his bloodlust was thrilling, not just because it stopped me contemplating when I might feel the cut of his teeth, but because he was so much freer with himself, no longer afraid to love me with pure abandon.

Ironically, his 'pure-abandon' was beginning to border on 'inappropriate in front of his family' when he suddenly froze mid-kiss, grunting against my mouth, his face contorted in pain.

"What?" I asked, pulling back. "What's wrong?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled.

"Just give me a second." His breathing was noisy and shallow.

After a few more breaths he opened his eyes and looked at me. "It seems my new body is ... unused to having excess amounts of blood in ... certain areas."

I blushed as I realized what he was saying.

"Dude," Emmett whispered conspiratorially. "That sucks."

"I'm sure it's only temporary," Carlisle said, trying not to smile.

"It had better be," Edward muttered, adjusting himself underneath the covers. "Or being within twenty feet of Bella is going to be pure agony."

"So apparently your mating bond survived the change," Alice said with a smile.

Edward glared at her. "It's not funny, Alice. It's like I'm being punished for having a ridiculously arousing girlfriend. It's not my fault she affects my body in outrageous ways. Haven't I suffered enough?"

Despite the whine in his voice, everyone laughed, even him. Then he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his side, and as I lay my head on his shoulder, it suddenly hit me that he was alive.

Truly, vibrantly alive.

Alive and whole and mine.

_Oh my God._

I think I'd been suppressing the implications of what that meant to us just in case something went wrong, but now, my mind reeled. All of the new doors that were open to us spiraled through my brain.

_Life. Love. Joy. Always._

For a few long moments, all I could go was cling to him and try to keep breathing.

"Bella?"

I looked up to see Edward frowning at me in concern.

_Human Edward._

_Beautifully human Edward with stubble and green eyes and warm skin._

"Are you okay?"

I struggled to speak. "I think it's just hitting me that ... it worked. You're alive."

He took a moment to look down at my hand resting over his resurrected heart, and I watched as the skin flushed with more blood.  
"To be honest, I'm having trouble fully comprehending it."

"You're ... human."

"Well, technically," Carlisle said, arranging implements on a nearby tray, "he's a human hybrid. Just like you, Bella. The wolf-blood didn't just revive you both, it altered your cellular biology. However, I'll need to complete some biopsies to closely examine Edward's transformed cells and to assess the stability of the reclaimed tissue."

"Stability?" I was suddenly nervous. "You mean, it's not certain that he'll stay like this?"

Carlisle turned to me. "Bella, as far as this whole process goes, we're stumbling blind. The cells in your body have remained stable for months, which gives me hope, but Edward's vampire physiology was very different from yours. I'll need to do further testing to make sure that the change is permanent."

"It's permanent," Edward said firmly, pulling my hand against his chest.

"Son, we don't know - "

"I do, Carlisle. I can feel it. Plus, I refuse to believe I endured all that pain just to revert back to being a vampire. It's not going to happen."

Carlisle nodded. "I admire your optimism, son, but I need to still make sure."

"Then go ahead and do your testing, but I'm telling you, it's a done deal. Even my asshole of a God wouldn't take this away from me."

Carlisle gave Edward a disapproving look for blaspheming before going over to a large work bench, removing some samples from a refrigerated container and working quickly to prepare them for examination. "I took these while you were unconscious. They should be ready for slicing now. I have to admit, I'm excited to get a closer look at the metamorphosed cross-sections. It's going to be fascinating."

"Man, your idea of fascinating and my idea of fascinating are worlds apart," Emmett said, smiling. "Although it would be pretty kick-ass if Edward suddenly fursploded into wolf-form. Is that likely?"

Carlisle chuckled. "No. Not at all."

"But he has wolf DNA in him now, right?"

"Yes, but he doesn't have the extra chromosome needed to initiate the change. It's like having a container of fuel with no match to light it. You can still use the fuel to power your car, you just can't make it explode."

"Huh." Emmett frowned. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda bummed about that. I think Edward would have looked cute as a dog."

"I'm not cute," Edward said, glaring at his brother. "Ever."

My mind boggled, registering that a scowling human-Edward was even sexier than scowling vampire-Edward.

_Good Lord. How is that even possible?_

Emmett laughed loudly and clapped his brother on the shoulder, immediately looking sheepish when Edward yelped in pain.

"Oh, shit. Sorry man. My bad."

"What about your mind reading?" Alice asked. "Did that make it through the change?"

Edward frowned, pausing for a moment before answering. "Apparently not. It's actually refreshingly quiet in my head. I guess I've been too distracted to even notice until now."

"Well, that's one thing I'm certainly not going to miss," Jasper said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Without your cheating ass knowing my every move, maybe now I might have some chance of beating you at chess."

Edward scoffed. "Doubtful, but you're more than welcome to try."

He smiled at his brother, but the pinched look around his eyes told me that the pain was wearing on him.

I turned to Carlisle who was bent over his microscope, frowning.

"Carlisle, is it safe to give Edward some painkillers yet? I think he really needs them."

"I'm fine," Edward said, leaning his head back into the pillows. "I'm sure it's going to go away soon. Right, Carlisle?"

Carlisle didn't move. He was still staring intently at the slide on his microscope, and the tense set of his shoulders immediately made me nervous.

"Carlisle?"

He glanced up, and the look in his eyes made my anxiety levels skyrocket.

"Sweetheart?" Esme stepped forward. "What is it?"

Carlisle looked around at all of us before sighing and coming over to us, his face grave. "The biopsy ..." He stopped in front of Edward. "Son ... I ... I don't know how to tell you this."

"No," Edward growled, shaking his head. "Don't you dare tell me I'm going to revert back. Just fucking don't, Carlisle. Not after everything I've been through."

Carlisle shook his head, running his hand through his hair. "That's not it."

"Then what?" Esme's voice was shrill with concern.

"Your cells ..." Carlisle said, "... they ... well, the cell membranes are extremely thick, and they seem to regenerate at lightning speed. They don't show any of the degradation that normal human cells exhibit. They're ... I've never seen anything like it."

"But what does all that mean?" My panic levels were rising more with every second. "If he's not going to revert back, then, what?"

_Carlisle, if you tell me he's going to die I'm going to lose it. Please, don't. _  
_  
He can't. _

_You can't. _

_Don't._

Carlisle took a deep breath and looked at his son, placing his hand gently on his shoulder and gazing at him with sympathetic eyes. "Edward, I've checked all the samples. They're all the same. Judging from how your body has come through the change, I'm afraid that, unless something unbelievably unexpected occurs ... " He swallowed and took a moment to gather himself emotionally before saying, "... I'm sorry to tell you that ... just like Bella, you're going to live an extremely long and healthy life."

The silence that enveloped the room pressed against my eardrums, making me wonder if I'd spontaneously gone deaf.

No one moved.

No one even breathed.

Carlisle looked around at us, clearly disappointed with our reaction.

"Oh, so Edward can pull a practical joke, but I can't? Why doesn't anyone find scientists funny? We have great senses of humor."

The silence was smashed by Emmett bursting into laughter while the rest of us got over our shellshock.

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" My face was hot with anger. "Don't you understand how much I'm freaking out here? Are you people actually trying to kill me?"

"I thought it was funny," Edward said, shrugging. "After my heart restarted of course."

Quick as a flash Esme slapped Edward on the arm and then turned and punched Carlisle's shoulder, hard. Edward screamed in pain, and Carlisle didn't fare much better.

"NEITHER OF YOU is funny!" Esme's face was a storm of fury. "Do you think it's funny for a mother to think that her son doesn't remember the people who love him? Or that just when everything seems like it's going to be okay, it's actually not? What the hell is WRONG with you two?"

She whipped around and leveled both of them with a withering gaze before jabbing her index finger at Carlisle. "And YOU are banned from the bedroom tonight! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Actually, honey, that withered organ in your chest is completely incapable of a myocardial infarction," Carlisle offered meekly.

Esme punched him again, even harder. "SHUT UP! Stupid scientist!"

Edward and Carlisle muttered apologies, Carlisle rubbing his shoulder. I hugged Esme, feeling her exhale as she tried to calm herself.

Just when we were both feeling a little better, the silence in the room was interrupted by a loud growling, and everyone froze to listen.

The noise happened again, low and menacing, and it wasn't until Edward whispered a hushed, "Sorry," that we all realized it was his stomach.

"I guess I'm hungry," he said, frowning in confusion. "It's been so long since I hungered for anything but blood that ... well ... it feels odd. Not as painful as I'm used to. Kind of gurgly."

"Food!" Esme said, suddenly excited. "Finally, something I can help with."

In a flash she disappeared up the stairs to the kitchen, and in a few seconds she returned with a bowl of steaming broth.

"Carlisle said your system wouldn't be able to handle anything too complex at first, so I prepared some chicken broth. I hope it's okay."

Edward inhaled, swallowing several times before speaking. "Yeah, that's okay, it smells delicious. At least my mouth thinks so; my salivary glands are going berserk." He looked at me. "It's actually not dissimilar to how I reacted the first time I caught your scent, minus the homicidal tendencies, of course."

I smiled, loving his instant enthusiasm for food. "Well, hopefully, you won't fall in love with the broth and sneak into its bedroom."

"I'm promising nothing," he said as he eyed the bowl hungrily.

Placing it on a rolling table, Esme moved the soup in front of him, handing him a spoon. "Be careful, sweetheart, it's hot."

Everyone crowded around the bed, watching as intently as if they were witnessing an international sporting event as Edward dipped his spoon into the pale liquid. A huge sense of anticipation filled the air around us, peaking when Edward brought the spoon up to his lips, sipping quietly before swallowing.

Suddenly, his face went slack, and his eyelids fluttered, a low sound rumbling in his chest.

"Oh ... God."

"Is it all right?" Esme asked nervously.

"All right?" Edward said, indignant, quickly spooning more into his mouth. "No, it's not 'all right,' Esme! It's the most incredible thing I've ever tasted - apart from Isabella of course. It's amazing."

He attacked the soup enthusiastically, slurping and making appreciative noises as he quickly cleared the bowl.

"Wow," Esme said, clearly pleased, "if that's how you react to flavored water, I can't wait to see you try my fillet Mignon."

"More?" Edward asked when he finished, looking up with hopeful eyes.

Carlisle smiled. "More? Unfortunately, not yet. I think it's best if we wait to see how you cope with that before trying anything else. Your digestive system has been dormant for nearly a century. We don't want to overdo it."

Edward deflated as Esme took the bowl away. "Well, if that's a taste of things to come, then food and I are going to be very close friends. I mean, there was a certain pleasure in drinking blood, but that? That was ... I'm fairly certain my mouth orgasmed."

We all laughed. When Esme passed Emmett he eyes the empty bowl.

"I miss food. Especially steak. I don't remember a lot about how it tastes, but I know I miss it."

The atmosphere in the room was light. We all continued to talk about Edward's change, what he had to look forward to, and how he felt now, but when he stifled a yawn, the Cullens exchanged looks and slowly began filing out of the basement.

Carlisle took Edward's vital signs once more before seeming satisfied and joining them. When the door finally clicked shut behind him, we both sighed.

"Alone at last," Edward said, smiling and closing his eyes as I ran my fingers through his hair and scratched his scalp. "God, that feels amazing."

"It doesn't hurt?"

"Well, yes. Everything hurts right now, but there's definitely more pleasure than pain."

"How long does Carlisle think the pain will last?"

"A couple of days. He said my body is like a giant walking sprain. It's going to take a little while for the inflammation of the change to go away."

"Are the painkillers helping?"

"A little, but they're also making me sleepy." He opened his eyes and looked at me with heavy lids. "Bella, I can't even tell you how amazing it feels to be tired after a century of sleeplessness. It's astounding."

"Then sleep. I'll stay with you."

"Not yet," he said, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into him, pressing his lips against my neck. "I just want to be with you for a while. Sniff you. Touch you. Bask in the whole 'not wanting to kill you' thing."

I wrapped myself around him as he continued to kiss my throat, sighing in contentment. Then he pushed his thigh between my legs, pressing against me and making me melt.

I felt him tense in pain, and I rubbed his back to try and soothe him.

"Dammit, Bella. I really have to stop getting turned on by you. I mean, I had painful erections when I was a vampire, but this is just ridiculous. I'd like this side-effect to be gone now, please. And I'd really, really like to be inside you."

"Be patient," I said, smiling as I moved my pelvis away and put my head on his chest. "Let's concentrate on getting you well before I go about ruining you all over again. And believe me, when your man-parts are in full working order, I intend on ruining you thoroughly. You won't be able to walk straight. In fact, you may need another transfusion."

He laughed and rested his head against mine, sighing. I pressed my ear to his bare skin and apart from the hypnotizing thud of his heart, I swore I could hear the gentle rush of blood pumping through his veins.

_Amazing._

"Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"Now that I've changed, are you … I mean, seeing me like this … do you have … regrets? "

I sat up and looked down at him, and I could tell that he was genuinely worried about my response.

"Edward -"

"I know that we needed to do this in order to be together, but I also know that you fell in love with me as a vampire, and you made no secret of the fact that the animalistic parts of me aroused you. I just … I'm concerned that now you'll be less attracted to me."

I looked into his incredible eyes, wanting so much to deny that I used to hold the same concerns, but I couldn't. I also couldn't deny that all of those concerns were completely unfounded.

"Edward, you were an incredibly sexy vampire and yes, I found certain elements of that lifestyle exciting in a frightening and gross kind of way, but I can say with absolute honesty that not having you want to kill me whenever we're together turns me on more than I thought possible. You're … well, please excuse the pun, but this new you? He's extremely hot."

His frown lessened. "Really?"

"Absolutely."

He took my hand and interlaced our fingers. "I was concerned that our ... bond ... wouldn't be a strong when I became human. I mean, my vampire form was designed to attract you. What if you realized that, as a human, you didn't want me as much?"

I almost laughed at how ridiculous that concept was. "Are you crazy? Have you seen yourself as a human?"

"No."

"Well, let me tell you, you're the most attractive man I've ever seen. Ev-er. And I'm not talking about just ordinary men, either. I'm including movie stars, models, and gay men."

He laughed. "Seriously?"

"God, Edward, yes! You're spectacular. It's probably a crime somewhere that you're so freaking attractive. You look almost exactly like you did as a vampire, just … more real."

He brought our hands up to his mouth and kissed my fingers. "More real?"

"Yeah. More … here. When you were a vampire I kind of felt like you were unattainable. Like your bloodlust always kept you at a distance. But without that … I don't know how to describe it. I feel like I can really touch you, I guess. Just you. Not the monster you used to live with."

He kissed my hand again and smiled. "So you won't miss the monster?"

"The one who killed me? Not so much."

"I'm glad."

"Although if you occasionally wanted to growl while you're doing bad things to me, I guess that'd be okay."

He laughed. "Noted. Keep the growling."

"God, yes."

I pushed my nose against his neck, loving the earthy smell of him and the roughness of his jaw. "Actually, if anything, I think I'm more attracted to you now."

He wound his fingers in my hair, sighing and holding me to him as I kissed down his neck. "Really?"

"Uh huh. I mean, you always smelled good to me, but it was ... " I took a breath and tried to explain. "You smelled too sweet, and I guess deep-down, I knew your scent was a manipulation. Now? You have no idea how good you smell, and maybe it's my heightened wolf senses or whatever, but just a _hint _of your smell makes me want to ... well ... "

"Don't say it -"

"I won't, but you know what I want to do to you, right?"

"Yes, but I can't think about it because if I do I'll -" He hissed in pain. "Too late. Ow."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be," he said, his voice strained. "You give the term 'painfully hard' new meaning. Stop being so arousing, please. Your man is in agony."

I kissed him and snuggled into his chest, draping my thigh over his as he exhaled slowly.

"Isabella, this position really isn't helping."

"I'm sorry. Would you like me to move to the other side of the bed?"

"God, no. I went through this whole change so I could be closer to you. Just keep talking to me. Distract me from all the things I'm fantasizing about doing to you right now."

I put my hand on his chest and resisted stroking him.

"Okay, then. Can we talk about the change?"

"I guess so."

The memory of him convulsing when the blood moved through his body sprang into my mind.

"What was the pain like?"

He paused. "Painful."

"Be serious."

"I am. It was seriously painful."

"Worse than when you became a vampire?"

He didn't answer.

I leaned up on my elbow so I could look at him.

"Edward, please tell me."

He swallowed and didn't say anything, choosing to nod instead.

I touched his cheek. "Much worse."

He exhaled. "Bella ..."

"Edward, please, I want to know."

"Why? It doesn't matter. However painful it was, it was worth it, and if I had to endure it a thousand times over I would, because it meant that I get to have you." He swallowed and put his hand on my face. "And getting to have you is worth every form of torture I've ever endured. More than worth it. Do you understand?"

I nodded. "I hate that you had to go through it, but I understand what you're saying. I'd feel exactly the same way."

I leaned down and kissed him, trying to temper my enthusiasm in an effort to not cause him pain. He had other ideas, however, and opened his mouth, kissing me deeply despite his obvious signs of discomfort.

Pulling back, he looked at me with eyes full of want, and need, and all-invasive love.

"See?" He panted. "Pain versus this? Absolutely no competition."

I snuggled back into his chest, and he sighed a deep yawn.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think the rest of your family will change, now that they've seen it can work?"

"I think so. There have been lots of discussions about it ever since I proposed the idea; however, there's some jockeying to see who'll go first."

"Who wants to?"

"Rose. She's always regretted not being able to have a family with Emmett."

"But will that even be possible when she's changed? I mean, will all her bits ... and his bits ... still be ... fertile?"

"I don't know, but rest assured they'll have some fun trying to make a baby."

He tilted my head up so he could look into my eyes.

"Is that something you'd be interested in one day?" he asked. "I mean ... if it were possible?"

To be honest, I'd never really given babies much thought. They were cute, sure, but it wasn't like I ever actively craved one. And yet, looking at Edward now, with his beautiful eyes and incredible heart, I could totally imagine having his child; a little copper-haired menace that would make my heart beat out of my chest when he called me 'mommy.'

"Maybe," I said, trying not to show how much the idea excited me. "One day. In a few years."

Edward's answering smile was beyond dazzling. "In a few years."

He kissed me again, slowly, and as he did my head filled with images of our possible future together, and in every image, we were so in love my heart felt like it would burst.

Eventually we pulled apart, breathless and content. Edward stifled another yawn, and I knew he wouldn't last much longer, but before he went to sleep, I had to ask him about something that had been on my mind all afternoon.

"Edward, when Carlisle played his stupid practical joke earlier, and said we were going to live a long life because of the wolf-blood, how long was he talking about?"

"I'm not sure. We've discussed it at length over the past few days, but we haven't really come up with a definitive answer. According to the wolves, they don't age as long as they're phasing, but because we lack that chromosome, I h

ave no idea how long we'll live. Much longer than normal humans I would think."

"Really?"

"Well, yes. Humans age due to a variety of factors - gene coding, endocrine balance, wear and tear, environmental factors, disease. Essentially, we're immune to all of those factors."

"So, in theory, we could live forever?"

He laughed. "In theory, but we won't really know for many years. I'm sure Carlisle will document our aging progress very thoroughly."

I took a deep breath and voiced my darkest fear. "Do you think that if we do live forever, you'll get sick of me?"

He frowned.  
"What sort of ridiculous question is that?"

"Well, I mean, I know vampires mate for life, but humans don't. What if we get sick of each other?"

"You're forgetting that we're not human, we're hybrids, and regardless ..." He shook his head in bewilderment. "Bella, you're not just my girlfriend, or my fiancé, or someday, God willing, even my wife. You're my mate. The one person in the world I absolutely cannot survive without. I love you with every fiber of my being, and believe me when I say that's going to remain true if we die tomorrow or a thousand years from now. I will love you forever."

"And what if our forever is actually forever?"

He shook his head and smiled. "Then it still won't be long enough."

We gazed at each other for long seconds, and I knew, without a shred of doubt, that what he was saying was true. I loved him so completely and passionately, that I could never conceive of being without him. The knowledge that we'd be together always was undeniable and bone-deep; like it was an ancient truth written on every piece of us, inside and out.

"I love you, Isabella," he whispered, cupping my face. "No amount of time will ever change that."

I nodded and leaned in to kiss him. "I know. And I also know that I'll love you forever."

"However long that is," he said, smiling against my lips.

Wrapping around each other we both sighed, knowing that tomorrow was the start of a huge adventure for both of us; one in which we'd learn, and grow, and love together. In which he'd learn to be human again. Or at least as human as an ex-vampire could be.

As I pressed my ear to his chest, the strong thud of his amazing heart spoke to me, whispering his love, over and over again.

"That's the best sound in the world," I whispered and pressed my hand to his chest.

"What?"

"Your heart."

He covered my hand with his. "You like that, huh?"

"Oh, yes. Very much."

"Good, because it's yours."

I tilted my head and looked at him.

"It's always been yours, Bella," he whispered, trailing his fingers over my face. "Even when you couldn't hear it. From the moment I first saw you, I knew it would never belong to anyone else."

I swallowed heavily, my heart too full to even speak. Caressing his cheek, I watched as his eyelids closed, unable to fight sleep anymore, and even as he drifted into well-earned and long-overdue dreams, I couldn't stop looking at him.

My beautiful vampire had become an even more beautiful man.

Through everything we'd faced, all the danger and trials and death, we'd survived; both of us transformed and reborn, creating a world for ourselves somewhere between those of the humans and vampires.

And now we were free. Destined to be together for as long as time would allow.

Our own unique version of forever.

(However long that may be.)

...

...

...

* * *

**Well, there you go, sweet readers.**

**I know some of you were concerned about whether or not WindowWard would survive, but as if I wouldn't have given him his HEA after everything I've put him through. He absolutely deserves it.**

**There will be an epi posted in a couple of weeks, and after that, possibly an outtake or two. **

**A few people have asked about a sequel, and I have to say that I have no plans to do that at the moment (even though I can imagine a LOT of newly-human hijinks for the Cullen clan). Still, I'm never one to say never. **

**I am however, excited to work on my original fiction now, and I hope to keep you all appraised of my progress as I work toward becoming a published author. (Stop laughing.)**

*****Warning: Long and possibly tear-stained A/N to follow.*****

**I can't fully put into words how grateful I am to my remarkable beta and friend, Irritable_Grizzzly****. If it wasn't for her encouragement and mentorship, I would have probably quit writing after the first chapter of The Screamers. Her generosity in betaing my long-assed chapters, week after week, is absolutely astonishing, and I pretty much adore her.**

**Huge thanks also to my super-astute and hilariously-flaily pre-reader, Vican. Thank you for sharing my brain.**

**And finally, I can't thank_ you_ all enough for taking the Grasping Darkness journey with me. A writer is only as good as her readers, and I've been amazingly blessed to have your incredible support over the course of this tale. I entered this fandom three years ago as an avid reader, and soon felt the burning desire to tell my own stories. I never dreamed that the adventures I came up with would be read by so many wonderfully enthusiastic, insightful, and supportive people. You all completely humble me.**

**From the bottom of my heart, I thank each and every one of you for spending time with my words. I'm honored to have had you read them.**

**All my love, **

**Kiya x**


	29. Not the Epilogue

**Update: April 13, 2012**

Dearest readers

Firstly, I must apologize that this is an A/N and not a chapter. I realize it's been months since I promised an epilogue for GD, and for that I feel beyond terrible.

The truth is, I've been struggling with the epi, and even though it's now sitting at over five thousand words, it's slow going. It will be finished, hopefully sooner rather than later, but because I have readers ask me about it nearly every day, I thought this would be the easiest way to let you all know what was going on.

Considering the main story is finished, I've decided to mark Grasping Darkness as complete and post the epilogue as a separate story. If you want to receive a notification when the epi is posted, simply make sure you have me on author alert.

Once again, many, many apologies for the wait and inconvenience. I never thought WindowWard would be shy about sharing his thoughts with me, but apparently becoming human has shocked him into silence. However, he's recently become a little more forthcoming, so hopefully I won't try your patience for too much longer.

As always, I'm incredibly grateful for each and every one of you, and I'm very sorry to have disappointed you in this manner.

Much love,

Kiya x


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